Jezebel: beauty and the beast

Disney's world may be rife with princesses,...

Jessica — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:20:00 EDT

Disney's world may be rife with princesses, brides, bridesmaids and flower girls, but what happens after the wedding? You know, when said princesses get peas in their pods? Well L.A. Times writer Rosa Brooks points out that mothers don't fare very well in the wonderful world of Walt: "Pause for a moment to consider the fate of the princesses' mommies in those Disney movies. Cinderella and Snow White? Mothers killed off by mysterious illnesses. Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid and Aladdin? Mothers all missing; presumed dead." You know, because once you're over 25, you might as well be dead anyway. [LAT via WIMNs Voices]

Disney Bridal: For The Fairy Princess In None Of Us

Jennifer — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 15:30:00 EDT

Have you heard? Disney, the very same company that has been selling young girls the myth that if we sit around on your asses long enough, a prince will come and whisk you us off our feet, is now selling young women wedding dresses inspired by the various Disney princesses: Ariel from The Little Mermaid, Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and Jasmine from Aladdin. The new Disney Bridal collection, now in its second season, rehashes the worst bridal design stereotypes and repackages them into looks that resemble those in the Disney movies we saw as kids... if we squint our eyes real hard, that is. After the jump, behold the latest collection by Disney Bridal designer Kirstie Kelly for grown women who want to dress like animated drawings.

Verdict: Mermaid tails. How, um, literal.

Verdict: Has Kirstie Kelly woman ever seen Beauty and the Beast? No bookish geek girl worth her library would be seen within spitting distance of this much tulle underlay.

Verdict: Oh come on: Would it have killed her to do at least one of those in that Cinderella blue? Think outside the box, ladies. And by that we mean, translate your cartoon idols as literally as possible.

Verdict: Because in Arabia, they accentuate their hips?

Verdict: Notice how all these styles have sleeves of some sorts. After all that time sleeping, we guess Beauty wasn't afraid to play it coy at the altar.

Verdict: Is it weird that the oldest cartoon yielded one of the more modern looking dresses? I mean, at least that middle one isn't a princess dress.

Broadway actor James Barbour, who once stared...

Slut Machine — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 13:45:00 EST

Broadway actor James Barbour, who once stared in the stage production of Beauty and the Beast, will serve 60 days in jail after confessing in court yesterday, in graphic detail, to having had sex with a 15-year-old aspiring actress in his dressing room, a girl whom he was supposed to be mentoring. The best part about his confession is the way the New York Post reported on it. "'I placed my hand - I mean her hand,' Barbour continued, flubbing his line, 'on my p- - -s and my hand on her v- - - -a.' 'On her what?' asked the court stenographer, leaning in to hear him. 'On her v- - - -a,' he repeated helpfully, projecting more clearly." That's some great reporting. But it wasn't his graphic confession that surprises us most about this case — it's the fact that a guy in musical theater had sex with a female. [NY Post]

Marriage Is Not A Fairy Tale

Jessica — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 13:30:00 EST

First they branded our produce, now the evil Disney overlords are coming to brand our lifestyles. According to an article in the new issue of Newsweek, adult women are a big part of Disney's $4 billion "Princess" industry of apparel, which already includes tiaras, jewelry, princess-inspired gowns, and forthcoming princess sleepwear and household furnishings. Take Lindsay Timberman. The 29-year-old is planning Belle from Beauty and the Beast-inspired nuptials, replete with the film's signature bloom, a "buttercup yellow" gown mimicking Belle's dress, and she's even looking for glass slippers. Disney's dresses run for $1,100; according to Disney apparel designer Jim Calhoun, the gowns are "designed to appeal to the working- and middle-class woman interested in 'trading up.'" Says Timberman: "Our first trip to Disney World, I was having my picture taken with Cinderella. She asked me if I had a prince with me, and I said, 'I do!'"

I'm guessing this marriage lasts 18 months, tops, because real relationships outside of retardo fantasy world aren't about glass slippers and shit. They're about mortgages and mewling babies and peeing with the door open. (Even Teri Hatcher knows to leave Disney fantasies behind: "You're responsible for what you bring to a relationship, so I think the idea of Prince Charming is someone who can take care of everything, and I don't think that's it," she recently said.)

In addition to credit card-wielding adults — yup, there's also an Ariel Visa card! — Disney is hoping women will pass on their fairy-tale tastes to their infant daughters, with diaper-changing mats and cribs festooned with Belle and her bitches coming out next year. And although the childhood love of princesses doesn't seem so bad, isn't wasting your grown-up purchasing power to indulge an antiquated dreamworld pretty pathetic?

Princess Power [Newsweek]
Disney Reaches to the Crib To Extend Princess Magic [Wall Street Journal]
Related: Teri Hatcher: 'I Don't Believe in Prince Charming' [Extra]