Q&A With A Wall Street Woman: "We Are In A State Of Devastation Across…

If you're anything like me, the financial state of the U.S. » 9/16/08 1:30pm 9/16/08 1:30pm terrifies you, but in an amorphous way. You try to read numerous newspaper articles about Lehman and Merrill Lynch and Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, but it's like reading with seventh grade Spanish: a certain grasp of the vocabulary is missing. We decided to…

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Just Made Some Pakistani Farmer's Life $25…

Behold 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. And note the Ashlee Simpsonesque transformation of his nose. Maybe people with the initials KLS are just vainer than most. And while the Guantanamo diet was good for the love handles, waterboarding leaves you bloated with bags under the eyes? In any case, something, it's… » 6/23/08 10:00am 6/23/08 10:00am

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed Hates His Nose In This Picture

  • Khalid Sheikh Mohammed thinks the courtroom artist drew his nose too wide. He lost a bunch of weight on the Guantanamo diet and totally turns out to be one of those secretly vain terror masterminds. [USA Today]
  • This will shock you: Bob Dylan is voting for Barack Obama. Okay, I was kidding about the shocked part. [Times
  • » 6/05/08 6:40pm 6/05/08 6:40pm

Barack Obama Alienates Typical White Person Population

  • Barry called his grandma a "typical white person" on WIP, a highly erudite Philadelphia AM radio station, and now typical white people everywhere are left to ponder this. [Wonkette]
  • Scooter Libby was disbarred. it probably could have happened to a nicer guy, but not one who had written so explicitly about dog fucking!…
  • » 3/20/08 6:30pm 3/20/08 6:30pm

Barack Obama Defended By Mike Huckabee, Still No Word From Grandma

  • Obama's slightly racist grandma is not dead, she just doesn't feel like commenting on his speech apparently. Here is a picture of her clutching her grandson for fear of being beaten up by darker-skinned black men. No just kidding, it's just a graduation picture. Sorry to drag you into this, Madelyn Dunham.
  • ""As easy…
  • » 3/19/08 6:30pm 3/19/08 6:30pm

An Inspiring Story Of Selflessness In The Hamptons

9/11 firefighters, marines who save Iraqi puppies... I think we can all agree that pretty words are nice, but nothing warms the cockles like those brave, special citizens who, in the midst of social crisis, rise to the challenge and pledge to do all they can to help their neighbors. And so readers, I am avibe with… » 3/18/08 12:00pm 3/18/08 12:00pm

What, You Assumed The Blind Guy Would Be A Faithful Husband? Did None…

Oh, what? You thought blindness would be an effective antidote to the old "wandering eye" problem? Wrong! Being blind just means crap taste in hotels. But here's the part we don't get: why, after you've been illicitly screwing some broad at the 94th street Days Inn do you take your wife back there? And what's more… » 3/18/08 10:00am 3/18/08 10:00am

Barack Obama's Pastor: More Hated Than The President?!

  • Barack Obama has always been black, but since he was raised by a white mom in Hawaii and Jakarta he did not always have much in the way of a black community, and so when he moved to Chicago he started attending this black church where the pastor says the sort of hyperbolic shit pastors often say, only the media…
  • » 3/17/08 7:00pm 3/17/08 7:00pm

Happy Non-St. Pat's Day, Folks! The World Is Currently Ending

How was your weekend? Hey! Guess who cares; no one. Fucking End Times came while you were drinking green beer or whatever, to the point that I shouldn't have to bait you with the fact that the McGreeveys HAD HARD CORE INTENSE BUTT SEX ORGIES WITH MARGARITAS/ POTATO SKIN PLATTERS AT T.G.I.FRIDAYS. But there I go… » 3/17/08 10:00am 3/17/08 10:00am