First, the gentle flirting/teasing that the two share? So tell-tale! Kristen gives Rob a hard time, saying:

"Rob can barely jump rope," she tells the magazine. It's even inspired a nickname! "I call him Flippy because when he does his stunt rehearsals, he flips around," she says, imitating a penguin's walk. "And God, when he tries to run..."

RPatz counters with an accusation of his own, accusing KStew of Googling herself all the time:

"She just looks at herself," he says. "I look up my competition more than she does. I'm incredibly shallow."

What about real romance? Well, Us reports that the twosome spent the night together at Chateau Marmont on Oct. 29; and shared bagels the next morning. And Bazaar asked them, who's the more romantic of the two?

"I'd have to say Rob is," Stewart says. "I think romance is anything honest. As long as it's honest, it's so disarming." She calls his singing "heartbreaking."

And Rob has nice things to say about his costar:

Stewart, Pattinson says, is "a unique girl. You really don't meet many people like Kristen."

Plus, Rob is clearly in awe of Kristen:

"Kristen doesn't take any slack," Rob says. "She sticks to her guns — and that's difficult to do." He also thinks she's a better actor than he is. "I don't really know how to act. I'm kind of guessing everything. ... Even though I can conceptualize stuff, she can actually do it. I can make something so complex and then be like, That was pout 27." He reckons she's a better judge of character too. "She'll decide on someone a lot quicker. She has a lot more self-esteem than I do, so she's like, 'You're an idiot and I don't want to talk to you,' and I'm like, 'I'm an idiot too!' So I'll talk to an idiot for like three days before deciding."

Basically, you get the feeling that they like each other… but are exhausted by the hype, and what fame has done to their lives.

"There are like 15 different exits in this place," observes Kristen of the tactics she and the rest of the Twilight cast use to avoid the paparazzi. She adds, "Rob is more frustrated with it, but he's 23 and I'm 19. He had a couple more years to be an adult and to be independent, whereas just as I was getting to the age when it's normal to go out by yourself ..." She pauses. "But it's boring because this is all I fucking talk about."

Of course, none of this proves that they're dating… But they're obviously close. It probably sucks to try so hard to be Kristen and Rob in a relationship, when everyone wants to see Bella and Edward together, which would mean OMGTWILIGHTISREAL. Kristen's somewhat of a rebel, who prefers mens' suits to dresses and once wore a skirt with bullets on it. According to Bazaar, if she ould be an animal, she'd be a cat. "With cats, you're like, 'Come here!' And they're standing there being like, 'Fuck you!'" You sense that she doesn't want to be predictable; yet that's just what dating Rob would be. On the other hand, they're drawn to each other, and working closely together, and so on. Plus, as Us reports:

Later, during a New Moon screening, "Rob wanted a cigarette so he went outside with Kristen for about 15 minutes," a source tells Us. "They were hugging, as Rob was smoking his cigarette and then he leaned down and kissed her on the lips. He had his arm around her almost the whole time."

And if that doesn't break Twihards' brains — and hearts — this shot from Bazaar will:

Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart: Pictures From the Cover Shoot, Cover Story [Bazaar]
Harper's Bazaar Interview [ONTD]
Kristen Stewart's Nickname for Robert Pattinson: "Flippy" [Us]

Even if you don't read Japanese, it's easy to get the gist of this "1 Month Review Of Carla" spread, and the editors put together a similar spread with Michelle Obama as the focus.


The "get the look"-type pages for both Michelle and Carla are cute.


But then there's this. A pale-skinned, blonde doll standing in front of a picture of the White House, clad in Louis Vuitton. You're thinking: "Yeah, but she's just posing. She's not replacing Michelle Obama."


Okay then. What the hell is this?


Don't worry, this doll gets around. She's also been seen with Sarkozy.


And she works with kids… Well maybe she doesn't work with them, but she does pretend to reach out to them.

Even more troubling: Michelle Obama and Carla Bruni are not big enough dreams for this gal.

She really wants to be Jacqueline Kennedy.

Or Paris Hilton.

Due to general fatigue, this year, we decided that we'd only add up the prices in major high fashion magazine players, meaning: Harper's Bazaar, Elle, and Vogue. The process was tedious, but we uncovered a mystery, learned that jodhpurs are the "it" pant of the season, and discovered other surprising results. Please note that this was not the most scientific of ventures (we didn't call designers for numbers on the various "price upon request" items featured in the magazines) but we did make an easily digestible chart on how the ladymags' selections compared to last year's:


Click on image to enlarge.























It looks like both Elle and Harper's Bazaar editors shifted their focus from expensive apparel to pricey bags and shoes, which have apparently doubled in cost since last year. In fact, it looks like Vogue is the only magazine that reduced its prices during the recession. Then again, the lower totals and averages could be attributed to mere laziness, because a significant portion of the items featured were, as mentioned above, "price upon request." For your amusement, below, a sampling of the magazines' most expensive and the cheapest items in the four major expensive shit categories.

Harper's Bazaar:
Apparel: Cheapest - Gap shirt, $14.50; Most Expensive - Fendi jacket, $40,800
Accessories: Cheapest - H&M ring $5.95; Most Expensive - Van Cleef & Arpels ring set, $335,000
Beauty: Cheapest - RickyCare retro small bobby pins, $1.99; Most Expensive - NuFace Microcurrent Device, $325
Other: Cheapest - $25 Michael Kors Limited Edition scented pen; Most Expensive - Hermès magnifying glass, $410

Elle
Apparel: Cheapest - Gap tee, $15, Most Expensive - Balmain Dress, $28,080
Accessories: Cheapest - Victoria Secret stockings, $13; Most Expensive DVH by H. Stern bracelet, $198,000
Beauty: Cheapest - Murrays pomade, $3; Most Expensive - RSession Nalu Waver (a curling iron), $180
Other: Cheapest - Vie Lux Scented Candle $45; Most Expensive - Gibson Guitar, $3,749

Vogue
Apparel: Cheapest - American Apparel tank, $29; Most Expensive - John Galliano Padded Wool Skirt, $17,715
Accessories: Cheapest - Falke socks, $18; Most Expensive, Lanvin zibeline-wool and cashmere scarf, $10,135
Beauty: Cheapest - Cover Girl foundation, $4; Most Expensive - Secret de vie perfume by Lancome, $240
Other: Cheapest - La Roux CD, $24; Most Expensive - Skepshultt V-bike, $1,250

The Winner: Vogue, for being too lazy (or too Charles B. Rangel) to affix a price to each item.

In April, a French Vogue shoot featured a "pregnant" model smoking and tossing a baby doll over her shoulder.

As Tatiana pointed out, if American Vogue were to portray the concept of motherhood, you'd get models holding babies and looking serene — "the mother of all clichés." She added: "French Vogue found the tenderness in mothering, but also the humor, the wackiness, the suggestion that it isn't perhaps natural to all women, and the surprise."

Additionally, in the July issue of Bazaar, MIlla Jovovich played a distracted working mom.





Obviously these shots differ in that there is a man present, but they certainly don't evoke the beaming, wholesome, Norman Rockwell concept of motherhood.

The new Italian Vogue shots include alcohol and cigarettes:






…As well as just plain-old avoidance:

There are a few ways to look at these images. Blogger Gwen from Sociological Images notes,

…Most countries don't share the American middle-class demonization of smoking or our concerns about the effects of second-hand smoke on children, or the idea that drinking cocktails around the kids is problematic (and remember, we used to give kids alcoholic drinks and Marlboros were marketed to moms). And many people don't believe that children need to be tended to every time they cry or look unhappy–that's a culturally and historically specific parenting ideal.

But a reader named Claire points out:

The message that motherhood might produce boredom, irritation, irreverence, and drive one to consume massive quantities of alcohol is one that I find refreshing, rather than appalling. Although this spread glamorizes the condition of being trapped within the confines of domesticity, can we not also interpret it as depicting the failure of domesticity and motherhood as a norm? And isn't the critique of a norm a productive act?

Good point. And here some more questions: Do these magazine editors want to start a dialogue about deconstructing the visual clichés of motherhood? Or do they just want edgy photoshoots? Does it matter? And even if they're not neglecting the kids — why all the bored, distracted moms?

Rich Moms Are Bad Moms: Vogue Italia's "Vagaries of Fashion" [Sociological Images]

Earlier: French Vogue And Ambivalent Modern Motherhood
Mr. Big Plays Housewife? How Bazaar

In an interview last week with mediabistro.com, Features and Special Projects Director Laura Brown says:

I book Bazaar's covers — it's 12 a year, so it's a lot of work. It involves persuasion and diplomacy in equal measure.

Oh, to be sure! And how do you decide whom to feature? Quoth Brown:

We put women on the cover to sell magazines, and we do not compromise…
…Harper's Bazaar is a very illustrious magazine, and we're respectful to people we put in the magazine. That works in our favor, and we get lots of press, so it's not much of a battle.

And:

We have a 141-year-old brand to protect.

Sorry, how, exactly, does a paparazzi snap of Angelina Jolie "protect" the Harper's Bazaar brand? Here are Ms. Brown's thoughts on Angelina:

I think a woman who manifests curiosity about being compelling and straddling all different worlds would be Angelina Jolie. She manages to compel all of us in various incarnations, whether you work at the United Nations or read Us Weekly.

So basically, it's important to have Angelina on the cover — even if you didn't shoot her yourself — because people are curious about her. Huh. Well, obviously a magazine grows and goes through changes. Here's what Bazaar looked like when it started, in 1867:

Here's what the magazine looked like in the 1920s:

(1920)

Then there were the glorious, classy Avedon years, from 1945-1965:

(1956)


(1958)


(1965)

Colorful, fun, arty!

In 1992, the late Liz Tilberis inherited the magazine, which had looked kinda crappy in the late 70s, and restored it to its whimsical elegance:

(1992)

Does the July issue's cover seem at all in keeping with any of this? Or with its story — known in the biz as a "write-around" — does it seem more closely related to something In Touch would do?

Here's the thing: Fashion magazines used to be the realm of models. Now that celebrities dominate the covers, editors struggle to keep things interesting month after month. There are only so many "stars" to go around. Kate Bosworth on Vogue? Snooze. And, anyway, people don't expect to get "dirt" from a glossy fashion publication, since the star — and her publicist — probably have approval over everything. Readers look for salacious stuff in the gossip rags. And aren't fashion magazines supposed to be about fashion? Not the same 12 actresses Photoshopped into androids? Yet fashion mag editors know that big stars sell issues, so they're stuck. They'd rather put a paparazzi photo of Angelina Jolie on the cover than a gorgeous picture of a nameless model, even if the latter is closer to "protecting" the "brand." But who are the fools here? The editors, for pushing low-brow crap masquerading as part of a brand's legacy? Or readers who buy the crap? And on some level, do you suspect that Laura Brown knows that she's misleading readers? When asked, "How would you say you've gotten to where you are?" she replies:

Delusions of grandeur and a smile.

So What Do You Do, Laura Brown, Features & Special Projects Director, Harper's Bazaar? [mediabistro.com]

Related: Bazaar 140th: A Glorious Look Back At 140 Years Of Bazaar Editors And Photographers [Harper's Bazaar]

Earlier: Prominent Feminist Explains Why Angelina Jolie Is Best Thing, Ever

The fact that SJP is on the cover is actually quite apropos; this photo shoot may make you actually miss Sex And The City. Or at least Samantha.

"Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Yes, and I shouldn't have to try this hard. I am a leggy Danish supermodel, after all."

"After your tennis lesson, I want you to come straight home without showering, you understand? And what's with the jeans? You know you're supposed to wear those tiny shorts I bought you."

"We have to hurry and do this before my husband gets home. But is there any chance you can call your boyf — I mean, roommate — Chace, and get him over here?"

Raise your hand if you find this very, very, hot.

File under: Women To Go Lezebel For.

Tough to see here, but there's a cherry in his mouth and a stem in hers. If you're old like me you'll recall that episode of Twin Peaks that changed the way you thought about cherry stems. If you're not, ask somebody.

The benefits of having a boytoy: You get final say in wardrobe approval. And hot sex.

Unlike the movie, this story has a happy ending: Mrs. Robinson and her young beau live happily ever after, or at least until dawn.

Of course, while Vogue, Marie Claire and Bazaar also have other kinds of fashion spreads, they each have a layout with a young lady leaping. While we understand that not every photo shoot can be a moody study of Vietnam or a vivid technicolor dream, the jumping-on-a-neutral-background concept is just a fast train to Snoozeville. Is it just us? Judge for yourself:

Kudos to Vogue for finally, finally using black models in a fashion feature. Boo for forcing them to jump in heels. At least, some of them are wearing heels. This poor young lady has been amputated. Anna Wintour is so cruel.

Another shot from Vogue: Poor 19-year-old Chanel Iman ought to look like she's having the time of her life. Instead she looks alarmed that the Earth has suddenly lost its gravitational pull and like she might have gastro-intestinal issues.

Vogue, again: At least she looks a little less depressed.

This shot is from Marie Claire. Is she doing the robot? Are her iPod headphones tangled in her necklace? Did she poop her Hammer pants? So many questions.

Marie Claire again. Yawn.

And yet a third image from Marie Claire. This seems like a speedy way to shatter an ankle.

This young lady posed for Bazaar. Technically she is not leaping, but can't you tell, by how high they've asked her to raise her foot off the ground, that a jump is imminent?

Bingo!

Glamour, September 2008. Shot by Koto Bolofo

Bazaar, September 2008. Shot by Douglas Friedman.

We The Free, October 2008.

Vogue, November 2008, shot by Mario Testino.

The total amount of expensive shit being shilled in the September issues of Elle, Vogue, Bazaar, Lucky, Glamour, Marie Claire, W, and Allure: $6,949,006

The winner: Kimsama, who guessed $6,945,027.95, with a difference of $3,978.10.

CONGRATULATIONS!

E-mail dodai@jezebel.com to claim your prize. We'll be donating $200 in your name to the charity of your choosing… though that charity cannot be Condé Nast.

Thanks to everyone for playing.

Earlier: September Smackdown: Elle Vs. Vogue
September Smackdown: Allure Vs. Lucky
September Smackdown: Marie Claire Vs. Glamour
September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

The shot above is from Glamour. Land ho!

This shot is from Bazaar. Heavens, I do believe we've run aground.

We'll be adding up all of the totals from all of the major September mags (Elle, Vogue, Bazaar, Lucky, Glamour, Marie Claire, W, and Allure) into one whopping sum. (So far, Elle's Total Shit: $1,562,100 and Vogue's Total Shit: $957,687.)

The reader who can predict the final total dollar amount — without going over — will win a $200 donation to the charity of her or his choice. You may submit your guesses in the comments, and you have until 12 noon tomorrow, EDT.

Good luck, and remember: Mink. Dipped in gold.

Earlier: September Smackdown: Elle Vs. Vogue

The 1,900-square-foot space is painted with mantras that encourage shoppers to "make it happen" and "mix it up — no rules apply." On inspiration boards, Tiger Beat idols past (Elvis, Johnny Depp) and present (Zac Efron, Orlando Bloom, the aforementioned Jonas Brothers) are paired with encouraging quotes from John Cage, Coco Chanel, and Sister Corita, the now-deceased former nun who designed a love postage stamp in 1985. "We’re really about empowerment," says Wiatt.

An animated rainbow-striped heart avatar asks a customer,"What’s your fashion mood?" Her choices are Pop, Malibu, Peace, Rock, and Juku (short for Harajuku). Fleece hoodies, T-shirts, and dresses can be customized with adorably quirky illustrations including a Chihuahua, a ‘70s dream horse, and a “strawbunny,” which is a rabbit in strawberry garb. "I’m 60 percent Peace with 10 percent Juku and 5 percent Rock. The rest is Malibu. I love surfing," says Wiatt.

Wiatt and Tisch met through their husbands 15 years ago and are now so close, they even carry the same canvas Louis Vuitton Rayures tote.

They experimented with toy sewing machines but found the concept nearly impossible to execute. “It would be pretty hard to teach that age — even women our age — how to sew,” says Tisch.

"We're dealing with the aspirations and the birthday parties of 10-year-old girls," says Wiatt. "We want Fashionology L.A. to be the most fantastic memory that they’re going to have."

Elizabeth Wiatt & Jamie Tisch: Ladies Who Launch [Harper's Bazaar]

Three good things about this photograph:
1. The composition and colors
2. The dress/shoe juxtaposition
3. Lucy's muscles
Three terrible things about this photo:
1. The earrings are $25,000
2. Surely if she puts her foot down that heel will sink into the grassy ground and she'll be trapped or hurt?
3. Is this an homage to or a mockery of the sport of javelin throwing?

Girl looks fierce until you think about the fact that she's on a balance beam in a gown and heels, which is ridiculous.

Get it? Shotput. With a $2800 Chanel bag. Dumb.

Okay, actually, this is cool. No, really. The foxy Robin Hood vibe, like the Disney film. Oodelally, golly what a day.

Lifting weights is for brawny dudes. Ladies pick up $3100 Gucci bags and barely break a sweat! Osteoporosis, shmosteoporosis.

LOL. Chariots of ire.

Earlier: The Asian Model In Allure: Stereotyped?
Teen Vogue Gives Summer Olympians A Sliiight Makeover
More Of Vogue's "World's Best Bodies"

• Vivica A. Fox is going to be the host of a new VH1 series called Glam God, in which the actress, who is known for her amazing style (??), will be searching for the next celebrity stylist. I can’t wait to see another reality show winner do absolutely nothing while everyone else on the show tries to one up Jerry Springer factor. I hope there’s a really good gay man or at least someone with a weave to yank on. [ConcreteLoop]
• Getting Gay With Bags is Here! Marc Jacobs completes his special handbag for twink-blogger Bryanboy (the bag is called “the BB”) and Bryanboy gets really excited and…whips himself? [Gawker]
• Designer Claudia Escobar has made a luxury clothing line out of salmon skin. "Many people who lived near rivers and oceans have used fish throughout history. It's not my original idea," she says. [Reuters]
• Mischa Barton’s created a line of handbags, coming to London’s John Lewis, Debenhams and Fenwicks stores on July 2nd. Why not make handbags for the United States, Mischa? Is the dollar too weak, or is it that we just don't give a shit? [FabSugar]

• Marc Jacobs keeps it simple at London design school Central Saint Martins: "I can't bear it when designers go on about inspiration … If a girl wants to wear it and feels good then who cares?" Say what you will about his shortcomings, but over-thinking fashion is not one of them. [NYMag]
• Agyness Deyn (aka The New Kate Moss) supposedly bought a loft in Williamsburg, Brooklyn (aka The New Lower East Side). I guess I'm supposed to write something about how "lame" that is for the neighborhood, but it actually seems pretty obvious to me. [Perez Hilton]
• Sarah Larson, George Clooney’s waitress girlfriend, graces Bazaar's 50 Most Beautiful People feature. Yeah, I’m pretty sure she’s not a waitress anymore. Take a look at the Pretty Woman here. [Models.com]
• Oh Crocs! What can’t you do? Inventor Spot reports that now there’s a special little Croc that can be used to carry a cell phone. This of course, is happening in Japan, where soon they’ll be inventing a pair of Crocs for your Crocs, as well as a Crocs reality show where the winner gets to turn into a Croc and sweep the nation yet again. [InventorSpot]
• Urban Outfitters, best known for its BoHo dresses, ironic tees, and teeny tiny dressing rooms, has always made us feel safe in our left-wing ways. Except, of course, the owner of the chain hates gay people and gives money to George W. Bush. [Racked]
• Busted! Now we know where some of the best American designers (Ralph Lauren, Mark Jacobs, Calvin Klein) go to get their clothing made. [NYTimes]
• New York Rangers hockey player Sean Avery talks about his Vogue internship, Anna Wintour, and photocopying. [MollyGood]
• Louisville, Kentucky porn shops “Victor’s Secret” and “Victor’s Little Secret”) settle the lawsuit brought by Victoria’s Secret for trademark violation. The store is now called “Cathy’s Secret” which, you know, doesn’t really have the same (cock) ring to it. [MSNBC]
• “Having streaked, chipped or just plain grotty nail polish no longer suggests drug addiction, manual labor or pure laziness,” writes Melena Ryzik for The New York Times. I have been waiting YEARS for this to become acceptable! Thank you Olsen Twins and Vogue model Cindy McCain! [NYTimes]