• He went on to say that Knox is a "clean-faced young girl, swept away by a tsunami." • Two California girls, ages 12 and 14, have been arrested for attacking a 13-year-old classmate - twice. The girls lured the victim, who they believed had been talking shit about them, to a field, telling her that they had some belongings of hers to return. Police caught the attackers after they posted videos of the beatings on YouTube. • Accused Cleveland serial killer Anthony Sowell has been indicted on murder charges in the deaths of 11 women, plus dozens of other counts, including kidnapping, abuse of a corpse, attempted murder, assault and rape. Authorities say many of the 10 identified victims were homeless addicts he lured into his home. • NPR's Richard Gonzales, who grew up in Richmond, California, returned to see how the town is coping after a teenage girl was gang-raped at the high school. He spoke to sophomore Lizette Franco, who said, "We don't want it to be our identity, because there is so much more to Richmond than what they're portraying in the media. We're not animals. We're not savages. We're students striving to be better people." •  Former track star Marion Jones has announced plans to sign up with a W.N.B.A. team. Jones, who was busted for steroid use and has since toured the country speaking to students about making good choices, says she hopes the W.N.B.A. will provide a larger platform for her message, as well as a "second chance." •  Good news: According to the DCist, a bill instituting same-sex marriage has just passed in the D.C. council. Ben Smith from Politico notes that this is "a sign that same-sex marriage has really become a quite mainstream Democratic cause, one embraced equally by a Massachusetts court and an urban City Council." • The Senate is expected to vote today on an amendment that would increase health insurance benefits for women in the first vote on the health care overhaul legislation. The amendment was introduced by Senators Barbara Mikulski, D-Md., and Olympia Snowe, R-Maine and inspired by the recent and controversial mammogram and Pap smear recommendations. "My amendment guarantees screening for breast cancer, yes, mammograms," Mikulski said. "We don't mandate that you have a mammogram at age 40. What we say is discuss this with your doctor, but if your doctor says you need one, my amendment says you are going to get one." • Zeituni Onyango, the half sister of President Obama's late father, gave an interview to the Associated Press in which she said she's anguished over not having contact with the family after it was revealed that she'd been illegally living in U.S. public housing for years. She isolated herself from the family after the inauguration because she didn't want her immigrations problems to hurt his presidency. "Before, we were family. But right now, there is a lot of politics, and me, I am not interested in any politics at all," she said. • South African President Jacob Zuma said today - on World AIDS Day - that the government will make sure that all HIV-positive babies receive treatment. There are also plans to expand testing and treatment for pregnant women. •  Sarah Palin's absurdist memoir Going Rogue has sold 1 million copies, a HarperCollins spokeswoman reveals. The publisher has increased the print run accordingly, to 2.8 million. • Asma Hanif, who runs a Baltimore domestic violence shelter for Muslim women says, "My biggest problem was that if you send a Muslim woman to be counseled in a shelter that's run by Christians, then what the people say is the reason why you're being beat is because of that religion. We do not want Islam to be the focal point of domestic violence." She added that in other shelters, "There may be situations - such as, there would be men that were there, or there wasn't any place for them to pray, or maybe there was an issue with the food." • An online poll of 1,027 people by the Tylenol Canadian Pain Survey found that women report experiencing headaches more often than men, and they experience somewhat more pain than men. "Pain doesn't discriminate against gender; however, with headache pain, women tend to be more expressive in reporting their pain than men, and tend to be more proactive in managing it," said Dr. Gary Shapero, a family physician who has studied headache and pain management. • Salon owner Cindy Vong is fighting the Arizona Board of Cosmetology's decision to ban flesh-eating fish foot treatments. "The board knows nothing about spa fish therapy, so its reaction is to shut it down," said her lawyer. "The board's action is more about protecting cosmetologists from competition than it is about protecting consumers against anything except wet feet and smooth skin." • On Thanksgiving, a woman and her brother were fighting over whether their parents are too old to be watching their children, when he allegedly threw extremely hot pecan pie at her after it was heated in the microwave. She was treated for first and second degree burns to her neck, face, and chest. Her brother is expected to be charged with aggravated assault. • 26-year-old Swedish father Ragnar Bengtsson has given up his months-long attempt to pump milk from his breasts. "All he got was sore breasts," said the host of a local show that was following the progress of the "Milkman." However, Bengtsson isn't walking away empty handed: He's flying to the U.S. to appear on - of course - The Tyra Banks Show. •

Life & Style
"Brad & Angie Vs. Tom & Katie: Showdown!" This bizarre story is crafted around the fact that when Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt costarred in Interview With The Vampire in 1994, Tom was a megastar and Brad was on the rise; now Tom is a falling star and Brad "lives every day like it's the weekend." Apparently since Angelina was being considered for the lead role in Edwin A. Salt, when Tom was supposed to have that part, these couples are having a "secret feud." So secret they don't even know! Katie and Tom have negative Scientology publicity and Angie and Brad are charitable do-gooders, blah blah blah, it's a fabrication and a yawn. Moving on: "Britney Gets Justin Back" is about how the two are recording a duet for her new album. Madonna and Guy are "staying together for the kids" but the same story says "they are feeling very positive about their relationship." Other than that there are just lots of clothes and makeup in this mag. The editors should just have a stylish cover instead of a "news-y" one.
Grade: F (Forwarded religious "joke" email)


OK!
There are two covers: The front is Barack Obama and his family with the line "Life With My Girls." The back, upside down cover is Sarah Pailn: "A Mother's Painful Choice." Most of the Sarah Palin story is information that has already been reported, though you may not know that she went to 3 different colleges in Idaho before graduating from the University Of Idaho. On to Senator Obama: His daughters, Sasha and Malia were jumping up and down the whole time he gave his acceptance speech; backstage, the whole family had a two-minute group hug. The mag says: "Amazing yes, but not out of the ordinary for the tight-knit Obamas, who, according to insiders, are such an all-American family, they almost make the Brady Bunch look dysfunctional." There are quotes from Poppy Montgomery and Wilmer Valderrama, who are impressed with his parenting style. Next: The OK! Poll of Who Has The Firmest Melons made us want to die (Fig. 1). Lastly: Anne Hathaway wants to get back in the dating game — what better place than the DNC? She was seen dancing with actor Josh Lucas but also gave her number to some civilian. The mag suggests that Luke Russert would be a good match for Anne.
Grade: D- (ALL CAPS EMAIL)


Star
"The Fight For Baby Maddie." Days after her daughter was born, Jamie Lynn discovered that Casey cheated on her with yet another woman: His former high school classmate Andrea Revels, 20. (Not to be confused with Kelli Dawson, 28 who told In Touch she slept with Casey when JLS was six months pregnant.) JLS has given Casey a 7pm curfew and he has to be available by cell phone at all times, no excuses. He had to give her all his email and voicemail passwords and she asked him to attend couples counseling with her. Right now JLS is living at her mom's house in Louisiana and not at the house she shared with Casey in Mississippi, so Casey might fight her for money and custody. He definitely doesn't want to lose his meal ticket, since JLS used to pay for everything. Britney and Lynne Spears may try to pay Casey off to get him to disappear. Next: Gossip Girl Leighton Meester's mother, father, grandfather and aunt all did hard time in Federal prisons for drug dealing. Her aunt, Judy Haas McNelis was the first woman ever on the US Marshal Service's 15 most wanted list. She smuggled a hacksaw into jail! Britney and Adnan are back on: A friend called and Britney said, "We're in bed. And we're going to take a bath together soon." Also inside: There's an entire page devoted to the fact that Eva Longoria's thighs are big. And they're guessing that she weighs a whopping 117 pounds. Mandy Moore has a new man named Andre! He's best known for his appearance in the 2001 comedy Super Troopers. Amanda Bynes has broken up with Seth MacFarlane. Madonna's daughter Lourdes was offered a role in The Secret Life of Bees but Madge doesn't want her to work until after high school. Lastly: Michael Phelps has a "secret lover" named Nicole Johnson, and she has been his girlfriend for a year. She's a former beauty queen from California and she may be moving in with Michael. She was in Beijing!
Grade: D+ (Chain letter email)


In Touch
"Doctors Fear That Angelina Is Now Battling Post Partum" Basically, unnamed sources claim that Angie is listless and just wants to nap lately and doctors who don't treat her say: "Women with twins can be totally overwhelmed" so it could be post partum. Meanwhile, she is "isolated" because she lives in the French countryside and has no friends and Brad is off partying in Venice with George Clooney. Part two of this "Moms In Crisis" package is Gwen Stefani's "Baby Weight Panic!"; and part three is "J.Lo Wants Her Life Back!" Gwen is worried she will not lose weight fast enough; Jennifer wants to get back to work. Moving on: Halle Berry's baby pictures, OMG. (Fig. 2) Intern Margaret says, "It's pretty cool she didn't sell them. Good for her." Next: Alec Baldwin wanted to kill himself after the audio of him yelling at his daughter was released. He thought about going on a hike in Massachusetts and shooting himself or overdosing in a bed and breakfast. He has a new autobiography coming out Sept. 23, which is why we're hearing about this. Also inside: Those kids from High School Musical make millions. Blake Lively is throwing a 21st birthday party with a Jazz age theme: Everyone better come in costume! There's a Gatsby quote on the invitation: "Can't repeat the past?' he cried incredulously. 'Why, of course you can!'" Mandy Moore has a new man named Andre: He's an artist and she is three inches taller. Britney and Adnan are back on! He says she is his soul mate! She's in love! Lastly: Everyone is wearing Clark Kent glasses (fig 3).
Grade: C- (Nigerian Prince email)


Us
"Babies, Lies & Scandal." This is a round up of all of the gossip that we've heard about Governor Sarah Palin in the last week. The mag quotes a commenter on Yahoo!: "How can Palin help McCain keep America in control when she can't even keep her own daughter in control?" There's stuff about her husband, about her involvement in the Alaska Independence Party, which wants the state to seceed from the US, and there's a sidebar of about 5 other controversies that aren't even covered in the article. We really love the picture of her wearing an incorrectly punctuated T-shirt that reads, "I may be broke but, I'm not flat busted." It's right above the shot of her next to a bleeding caribou that's been shot in the face. (Pro life!) Moving on: There are cute pix of Halle Berry's baby, plus a chart of "Couples Who Pray Together Stay Together" (Jess Simpson & Tony Romo, Keisha & Justin Chambers, Spencer & Heidi). An interview with Isis King, the transgendered contestant from America's Next Top Model: "I used to wear silicone [breast enhancers] for shoots, but it's too hot with all that extra stuff. Most models don't have breasts anyway! I would also tape [my penis] at first, but since then I've found new ways to make everything smooth. What I use is like a thong. I made it myself with a piece of denim." She plans to have a sex change by her 25th birthday.
Grade: C (Sarah Palin rumor email)

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How Palin is Playing In The Supermarket Aisles [ABC News]