• This morning Lindsay Lohan posted an incoherent rant about Samantha Ronson on Twitter. She writes: "can you make an attempt to not ruin ANYTHI...zG positive that i have FINALLY deserved just to cry myself to sleep with your cheats, errors..."

• ...and thank you...for being a friend before a sell-out...the term "self out" was coined from ME and i gave them sooooooo much insight...For their not only COMPLETE, BUT SUBSTANISAN ***FRIENDS***********"... BUT YOU DID perform to her..you JUST told me that your friends are worth more than i am 2 your family & that i'm gross*thx." Linds hasn't claimed that it's the work of a hacker... yet. [Perez Hilton]
• Courtney Love says she's going to "sue the shit" out of the people behind Guitar Hero because they didn't ask her permission to use Kurt Cobain's image. She Tweeted: "not in twenty JILLION years would i EVER have allowed this and this islethal... we get NO money for this, travesty, Frances gets NO money for the rape." [TMZ]
• John Mayer denied the rumors that he's dating Kristin Cavallari on Twitter writing, "I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together." Adding, "How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis." [People]
• Jennifer Aniston will sing and play the guitar in her new film The Goree Girls. She promises: "I can carry a tune." [People]
• A source says Paula Abdul was shocked by the news that Ellen DeGeneres is replacing her on American Idol. "Privately, Paula is very upset. She's never going to admit it publicly but this stung," said the source.[Radar Online]
• Ellen DeGeneres says of hosting American Idol, "I hope Paula's OK with it. I don't want anybody to think I took Paula's job away." [E!]
• Ellen says the reason she was picked even though she has no music experience is, "I'm just a fan like everyone else... The people choose. Ultimately, it comes down to them, not some executive in the music industry. I hope to be that voice." [L.A. Times]
• Randy Jackson says American Idol "reached out" to Ellen because, "We're all friends with Ellen, and Ryan [Seacrest] and I are pretty close with her. She's just mad cool." [People]
• Natalie Cole performed last night for the first time since having a kidney transplant. "I really do have to say ... it really is a miracle time. It's a miracle night for me," she told the crowd. "I never thought I'd be standing here healthy and whole and 100 percent." [People]
• Though Jermaine Jackson announced Natalie Cole, Chris Brown, and Mary J. Blige were going to perform at the Michael Jackson tribute concert in Vienna they've all dropped out or denied they were ever involved. Yet, their pictures are still up on the concert's website. [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson, who is reportedly not happy about the Michael Jackson tribute concert, released a statement saying she'll be there on the 29th. The only problem is it's on the 26th. [TMZ]
• Barbara Walters interviewed LaToya Jackson for a 20/20 special that will air on Friday, in which she says of Michael Jackson, "I don't think we'll find a person as talented, a person who thought the way he thought. A person with the heart that Michael had... People aren't that way anymore. He was special. He wasn't God, but he was certainly God-like. He was the closest thing to a god that I knew." [ABC News]
• Movers are taking Michael Jackson's possessions out of his Holmby Hills mansion today. [TMZ]
• The trailer for Michael Jackson: This Is It, the movie made from rehearsal footage from MJ's final concert, will air on Sunday during the MTV Video Music Awards. [AP]
• Oprah says of her upcoming interview with Whitney Houston, "It will leave you gasping. She does not blame Bobby Brown and she takes full responsibility for her engagement in drugs. At one point she says, 'I didn't get out of my pyjamas for seven months.'" [The Sun]
• The hosts and musical guests on the first four episodes of Saturday Night Live this season will be Megan Fox and U2, Ryan Reynolds and Lady Gaga, Drew Barrymore and Regina Spektor, and Gerard Butler and Shakira. [The Wrap]
• Barbara Mandrell has become the first woman to be inducted into the Steel Guitar Hall of Fame. [AP]
• Edward Norton will be running the New York City marathon this year with a group of runners from the African Maasai tribe to benefit the Maasai Wilderness Conservation Trust. "The idea picked up traction pretty quickly," said Norton, who turned 39 in August. "Then, I was like, 'Wait a minute. What have I just done?'" [CNN]
• Gavin Rossdale will guest star on an episode of Criminal Minds as "a Goth rock star who has become lost in the frightening alter-ego he portrays on stage — an alter-ego the show's investigative team suspects may be a brutal serial killer." [UPI]
• Paris Hilton appears in the new edition of the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations alongside Barack Obama, Confucius, and Oscar Wilde. Paris' words of wisdom: "Dress cute wherever you go, life is too short to blend in."[Daily Mail]
• Dustin Diamond is being sued for more than $21,000 in upaid property taxes and had his car repossessed. [Radar Online]
• Robert Carlyle says that director Danny Boyle is "edging closer" to making Porno, the sequel to Trainspotting, and says he'd be willing to do the movie for free. Ewan McGregor has said the sequel would be a "terrible shame." [BBC]
• Michael Douglas says he's "holding up fine," after his son Cameron's arrest for alleged drug dealing, adding, "It's a very difficult situation and painful, as I'm sure any mother or father of a substance abuser knows. So we're doing the best we can." [People]
• Jon Gosselin just can't behave himself. He got a ticked for going 78 mph in a 55 mile zone near his home in Pennsylvania. [TMZ]
• Joel Madden Tweeted on Wednesday morning, "Geuss who's back ... Oh i'm sorry we were only having a little baby boy." [People]
• Tila Tequila met with investigators from the San Diego District Attorney's office to discuss the altercation she had with San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman. [TMZ]
• Hugh Hefner went to Kendra Wilkinson's baby shower yesterday wearing a black suit and a bright red shirt rather than his customary pajamas. [TMZ]
• Laura Ling reveals that on her first night back from North Korea she ate pizza, and says Bill Clinton has been checking up on her family since her return. [TMZ]
• Melanie Chisholm a.k.a. Sporty Spice is making her theater debut next month in Blood Brothers on London's West End. [The Guardian]
• Geri Halliwell has been in Nepal all week as part of her duties as a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Population Fund. She's promoting maternal health and women's rights. At a press conference she urged Nepali men to use their power to encourage and protect women saying, "When we empower women and take care of them everyone benefits." [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a picture of Cynthia Nixon on the set of Sex and the City 2 dressed up for the '80s flashback scene. [Perez Hilton]
• More Sex and the City 2 plot speculation here: [Us]
• Apparently there is nothing Sex and the City can't do. On an upcoming episode of her talk show Tyra Banks reveals the show helped her lose weight. "I got rid of one of my couches in my living room and I watched Sex and The City episodes on the treadmill or the elliptical," she says. "So Sex and the City lasts 30 minutes – that's how long I'm on the elliptical." [People]
• Phil Collins says he'll never drum again because, "I've got a condition that means I can't play anymore. After playing drums for 50 years, I've had to stop. Obviously I'm very sad about it. My vertebrae has been crushing my spinal cord because of the position I drum in. It comes from years of playing. I can't even hold the sticks properly without it being painful." [Perez Hilton]
• Kelsey Grammer won a lawsuit filed against him by a contractor who worked on his kitchen. [TMZ]
• At the link are photos from Japanese Vogue featuring Lady Gaga in bondage. [Egotastic]
• Artwork for the Broadway play A Steady Rain shows Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig's faces fused together. [Just Jared]
• In the video at the link George Clooney keeps his cool even when an Italian journalist tells him he's gay, strips down to his boxers, and asks George to "choose him." [ABC News]
• Khloé Kardashian and boyfriend Lamar Odom seem to want to get their picture taken, since they've been hitting all the paparazzi hot spots. [E!]
• Joshua Jackson says Fringe, "has been the total opposite of my Dawson's Creek experience... Fringe has taken a while for the show to percolate in the pop culture. I would never complain about being on a show with the words J.J. Abrams above the title, but the expectations were impossibly high." [Just Jared]
• "[Being 16] is way overrated. I can't even drive in the city. Can you do more at 17? I don't know." — Taylor Momsen [New York Magazine]
• Rebecca Romijn says she and Jerry O'Connell aren't planning to have any more children now that they have twin girls. "We feel like the world was made for pairs. Four feels like the perfect number... Also, we're not interested in overpopulating this world," she added. "So we feel like we don't want to leave more than we are when we leave this planet." [E!]
• When asked if she would ever do a talk show Kathy Griffin said, "The sexism in late night talk is so profound. When you think that Joan Rivers is the first and last woman to do a network late night talk show-I mean, that's appalling to me. I don't know if I can win that battle-it's such a boys' club.... I'd like to do it in some way, but I gotta tell you, I like the freedom of a show like The D-List, where I can take my time with these celebrities and spend more than six minutes with them on the couch." [Publisher's Weekly]
• Drew Barrymore and an uncomfortable-looking Ellen Page are on the cover of Marie Claire. Drew says of Ellen, "She was in her frickin' bra and with an open jacket and hot-pink shorts, skating around the rink with red lips and… and she was sexy as a mother…. a feral creature. It was great. And it's so screwed up for girls to think, Oh because I don't have that cookie-cutter model body, it must mean I don't have the right body shape. And I love model bodies, but I just want women to embrace several body shapes. That's the thing I love about derby. It's really welcoming." [Just Jared]

• Alec Baldwin is public enemy number one in the Philipines because last week when David Letterman asked Baldwin about his desire to expand his family, he joked:

• "I'm thinking about getting a Filipino mail-order bride at this point...or a Russian one." [E!]
• John Krasinski has befriended his co-star Lake Bell, so clearly he's planning on breaking up with Emily Blunt. A source says, "John and Lake have been flirting like crazy on set. In between takes, they sit next to each other, giggling and whispering like teenagers - he'll play with her rings or she'll rest her head on his shoulder." [Star]
• More sources confirm that Mel Gibson's girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva is pregnant. Supposedly she's in her second trimester and he's already told his other children. [TMZ]
• A settlement has been reached in screenwriter Benedict Fitzgerald's lawsuit against Mel Gibson over The Passion of the Christ. Fitzgerald claims Gibson understated the film's budget and told him he would not receive any money from the film, but considered it a gift of his faith. [Yahoo]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin plus their eight kids celebrated the sextuplets' birthday on Saturday. Their bodyguard Steve Neild was there, along with TLC's cameras. When shooting was done, Jon and Kate left in separate cars. [E!]
• Stars are checking in on Twitter after Sunday's earthquake in L.A. Miley Cyrus (who was in the Bahamas) Tweeted: "did anyone else feel the earthquake. 5.0!!!" Thankfully, Lauren Conrad is unharmed: " Earthquake!! We were relaxing at home watching TV and the building started rocking. We are fine! :)" Lindsay Lohan kept it short: "Earthquake scared me!" [People]
• Ryan O'Neal has confirmed that there will be a follow up to Farrah's Story that will air on May 15. "We haven't stopped filming and we're going to make a second installment of her life eventually," said O'Neal. [MSNBC]
• Ethan Zohn of Survivor: Africa has a rare form of Hodgkin's Lymphoma and began chemotherapy treatments last week. [People]
• In this clip from Good Morning America, Christian Bale is asked if he has an anger problem and he says that while "John Conner has an anger problem," the incident in which he yelled at co-worker was resolved within 30 seconds in real life. [TMZ]
• While promoting her upcoming musical Nine at Cannes, Penelope Cruz came down with "some sort of food poisoning." She's seeing a doctor and trying to get better before the premiere tomorrow. [People]
• Though Paulina Porizkova said she suspects she was let go from America's Next Top Model because she complained about Tyra Banks' behavior, Banks and a producer released a statement today saying, "America's Next Top Model is not immune to these financially challenging times. We've had to make significant cuts in every area of the production and, unfortunately, Paulina was a casualty of these cuts." [People]
• LeAnn Rimes and her husband Dean Sheremet are selling their Franklin, Tennessee mansion for $7.45 million. There's no word on where they are moving, or if they will both be moving to the same house. [TMZ]
• Wanda Sykes says of calling Rush Limbaugh "the 20th hijacker" at The White House Correspondents Association dinner, "Here's the problem with people who aren't comedians, [who] deconstruct comedy. It wasn't a 9/11 joke. Of course, 9/11 isn't funny, but it wasn't a 9/11 joke." [Politico]
• Kate Walsh's estranged husband Alex Young has been trying to get financial information on Walsh from the ABC network and her accounting firm. The firm asked for a protective order against Young, but a judge has denied it. [TMZ]
• The New Kids on the Block set sail on Friday for a cruise to the Bahamas with 2,000 fans. "I don't know what we were thinking," said Donnie Wahlberg. "We have nowhere to run if it gets out of hand." [People]
• Mary Louise Parker is mad because she had to do a nude scene for Weeds that she did not feel was necessary. "I didn't think I needed to be naked," she said. "I fought with the director about it, and now I am bitter. I knew it was going to be on the Internet: 'Mary Louise shows off her big nipples.' I wish I hadn't done that. I was goaded into it." Co-executive producer Roberto Benabib said, "We felt at that point in her life, defenses had been so thoroughly stripped away. There was a nonchalance to the nudity that informed the scene … I thought it was wonderful, one of the five best scenes Mary-Louise has ever done [on Weeds]." [People]
• Carmen Electra will appear in a week's worth of shows this July in Crazy Horse Paris, a topless cabaret show in Las Vegas. "She's not going topless, but she will be wearing very little. She's going to wear whatever she is comfortable with," says a rep for the show. [People]
• ABC has cancelled Samantha Who? because the show couldn't cut it's budget enough. [Variety]
• Jamie Kennedy was performing at a New York City comedy club this weekend and girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt worked the merchandise table selling Kennedy's T-shirts and DVDs. "She took my shirts and bedazzled them," Kennedy says. "She would take regular shirts and put sparkles on them, and we actually sold out of them – people go nuts for them." [People]
• The songwriters behind Mamma Mia! will bring their present their musical Kristina in English for the first time at Carnegie Hall in September. [N.Y. Times]
• Deborah Harry says she's "pro everything you can do to feel better and make yourself look better. I have no qualms about surgery whatsoever. I don't want to look like I've had a load of surgery." [The L.A. Times]
• Mike Viola, who produced Mandy Moore's new album Amanda Leigh says, "It's not the voice on any of her recordings. She's like a soul singer. She really has it-great pitch, great tone, real range, incredible stamina." It was Viola's idea to use Moore's birth name as the title, "because it's almost like starting from scratch. She's trying to make a real artistic record. Good for her! Good for fucking her!" [NY Magazine]
• Taye Diggs and his wife Idina Menzel are both on Private Practice, but they don't play each other's love interests. Diggs said he's OK with his wife making out with Tim Daily on set because he's a good looking man and she deserves it. Menzel replied, "You know what? I do deserve it. Because Taye's always kissing beautiful women on movie sets. About time I got my turn." [NY Magazine]
• Everyone at Cannes is talking about Lars von Trier's Antichrist, which involves a genital mutilation. The film is described as a "treatise on grief and gynophobia" and a misogyny consultant is credited on the film. Some people booed, some laughed, and some clapped at the end of the film. At a press conference von Trier said he made the film because "It's the hand of God... And I am the best film director in the world. I'm not sure if God is the best God in the world." [N.Y. Magazine]

• Kanye West's girlfriend, Amber Rose, posted a picture of Madonna pinching her butt on her Twitter, prompting rumors that the three of them had a tryst. Kanye claims it never happened.

• He wrote on his blog, "Yo nothing happened between Amber, Madonna and I. We just took a picture at a party. No big deal, just clearing the air on that one." [The Daily Express]
• Jennifer Aniston wanted to look very different in her movie Management so audiences wouldn't be distracted by her signature blonde hair. But, she didn't want to cut or dye her hair. The solution? A $10,000 custom wig. [People]
• The producer of Lindsay Lohan's new movie The Other Side says he's sure she's going to behave. "She said, 'I'm going to turn down a lot of other work right now. I really want to get serious.' She said, 'I'm committed. I'm not going to be late. I'm really, really excited about doing this and working with these other actors,' " said producer Kent Harper, "So we're excited." [People]
• Ryan O'Neal says he plans to watch Farrah's Story tonight on NBC with Farrah Fawcett at her home. "She's heavily medicated," saod O'Neal, "We're going to take some of these medications down so she's lucid and sharp to watch herself. I think she'll take great pride in this." L.A. Times]
• Doug Reinhardt's neighbors called the cops last night because they heard him having a huge argument with his girlfriend, Paris Hilton. [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton says she was just upset because someone prank called her and said they had run over her dog Tinkerbell. "We couldn't find the keys to the house," Hilton says. "While Doug was looking for the keys, I was screaming on the phone. I'm on the phone crying calling my mom. Obviously I'm going to be crying; she's like my daughter." [E!]
• A Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows crew member says most of the cast "are a dream to work with," However, Emma Watson, "is even more moody than usual. ... She's always complaining, showing up late and has upset both cast and crew members with her rudeness. ... She's really become a big diva. ... Everyone's sick of it." [Chicago Sun-Times]
• On May 26 T.I. will go to Arkansas to seve his year-and-a-day long sentence for federal weapons charges. [AP]
• Paul McCartney wants Barack Obama to support OneVoice, a grassroots organization made up of Israelis and Palestinians who are working for a two state solution in Israel. [The Star]
• Here's the security video of Pearl Jam bassist Jeff Ament getting attacked by man wielding a knife outside his studio. [TMZ]
• Shanna Moakler talked more about why she resigned her position with Miss California USA today, saying that she feels Carrie Prejean has aligned herself with "hate groups." She says, "At the end of the day, I really — I had to follow my heart. I didn't feel, you know, that at the press conference [with Trump], that Carrie at that time was really taking any responsibility. And for me, it was just very difficult to stand behind." [CBS News]
• Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling started seeing each other while they were both married to other people. His ex, Jo Eustace, says in her new book Divorce Sucks, that she confronted Spelling and asked her not to break up her marriage, She writes: "I told her I thought (her) behaviour thus far had been the height of insensitivity and rudeness. I tried to explain that we were a real family, with a new baby and a substantial history, and there were serious consequences to all of this... The toughest moment was when my husband kept calling her to see how the meeting was going. She told him it was 'going great' and joked that we were quickly becoming 'soul mates.' I left the room on that one." [The Daily Express]
• A few years ago Adrian Brody wanted to take a break from movie making so he bought a motorcycle and rode around India. "I almost rear-ended a cow with my face. It was so scary, but I was laughing as I was about to crash, because I thought, ‘What a way to be remembered.'" He returned to Hollywood soon after. [New York Magazine]
• "I don't know if I'll ever get married. I don't say never, but I just might not. I'm 44, but I think you can have what you want no matter how old you are!" - Kristen Davis. [The Daily Express]
• When asked about kissing Jim Carrey in his new film I Love You, Phillip Morris, Ewan McGregor joked, "Full oral penetration with Jim, yeah ... Jim's a very sensitive but firm lover, you know? And I think that's what makes him such a great actor and such a great man." [Moviefone]
• Ewan McGregor will work with Young Adam director David Mackenzie again for the romantic drama The Last Word, which is decribed as a love story set in a city where people are slowly losing their sensory perception. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• The trailer for the direct-to-DVD film Mega-Shark vs. Giant Octopus starring Deborah Gibson has become a viral hit. We don't want to spoil it, but it features a shark jumping out of the water and attacking a plane in mid-air. [People]
• Not only are Pink and Carey Hart together again, but, "Everything's perfect!" she says, adding, "He couldn't live without me!" Hart said, "She drove me so crazy that I missed her." [E!]
• Josh Lucas, who is reportedly dating Rachel McAdams, said he likes to get to know his dates face-to-face. "If you don't end up sitting down and really having face time, and saying 'Hi, who are you, what are you about,' smelling their breath and seeing how they taste, it makes a huge difference," he said. [People]
• Last year Tiffani Theissen and huband Brady Smith told People they were trying for a baby, so the mag demanded to know when this baby is coming. Theissen said, "We're definitely talking about [kids]. We're just trying to figure out the whole work schedule now." [People]
• Dolly Parton has partnered with the United Way of America, setting a goal to provide free books monthly to 1 million children by 2014. [Yahoo]
• Laurence Fishburne received an honorary doctorate from Howard University last weekend. He said, "I became a doctor. I received an honorary doctorate from Howard University last weekend in the humanities for my work as an artist and my contribution to society, which is pretty long, almost 40 years now. And now I'm Dr. Fishburne." [The Daily Express]
• Kelly Clarkson has the least demanding rider in Hollywood. She just wants the basics, such as "18 bottles of Disani water ROOM TEMP, hot water (no tea or coffee), and 2 packets of sugar free gum." [The Smoking Gun]
• Paula Porizkova has an idea about why she was fired from America's Next Top Model. "I must admit I was having a little bit of an issue with Tyra Banks being late for every judging," she said. "It's six hours later and I feel like I am being told my time is not as valuable as hers. They pointed out that I should shut up and be grateful for the job and that Tyra is really busy. I think that my little hissy fits about ‘Well, we are all here on time. Why can't she (Tyra)?' didn't go over all that well." More Tyra bashing at the link. [Access Hollywood]
• The battle between Chriss Angel and Vegas showman Jeff Beacher over a cat is getting ugly, and now Beacher's lawyers are involved. He claims Angel has been taunting him over the phone saying, "I took your cat ... he lives with me now ... the cat no longer likes you ... the cat and I have become close friends." Now Beacher is suing for the safe return of the cat — plus "the value of the use of his cat during the period of detention." [TMZ]

• Who knew? New York Post editors spend their days fantasizing about Chelsea Clinton in a bikini. Apparently, looking good in one is the only reason she would ever exercise. [NY Post]

• Condi Rice signed off on torture pretty early on... as if her penchant for knee-high boots didn't give that one away. [Washington Post]
• Reporter and Jezebel-fave Spencer Ackerman discovered that the Bushies did such a good job as destroying Rice aide Phillip Zelikow's torture dissent memo that even Hillary Clinton's State Department associates can't find it. [Washington Independent, YouTube]
• Marcy Wheeler discovered that the intel that Dick Cheney was so proud of having tortured people to obtain amounted to exactly 10 pieces of intelligence, only one of which led to an arrest. [Huffington Post]
• Of , Hillary Clinton said, "I don't consider him a particularly reliable source of information." [Politico]
• One of Cheney's butt-boys got on MSNBC yesterday and announced that he "saw the face of terror" when visiting the (dark-skinned, Muslim) detainees at Gitmo who have never been tried or convicted. Apparently, the face of terror is specifically dark-skinned and Muslim — I guess someone should inform the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing! [TPM]
• Fox News' Sean Hannity offered to get waterboarded, which I really think America should take him up on even if he's not going to look anywhere as sexy in a wet T-shirt as Playboy reporter Mike Guy. [Huffington Post, Huffington Post]
• But lest you think Fox is completely pro-torture, anchor Shepard Smith won my heart yet again when he got on the air yesterday and said this:
  

  "We are America!" he shouted, slamming his hand on the table. "I don't give a rat's ass if it helps. We are AMERICA! We do not fucking torture!!"

  God, he's sexy when he's mad. [Huffington Post]

• Congress is going to hold hearings; too bad no one will pound his or her desk like Shepard. [MSNBC]
• Levi Johnston's got a lawyer to represent him as he tries to work out some sort of legal custody arrangement with Bristol Palin, even though he doesn't have any money to pay child support. Also, he started growing a terrible goatee that his far-too-invested sister needs to get him to shave off. [CNN]
• Hillary Clinton is mixing it up with Pakistan and Iran, and looking good doing it. [Washington Post, Newser]
• Nancy Pelosi knew ages ago that the NSA was wiretapping Jane Harman over her alleged quid pro quo for Israeli spies. [Politico]
• The Justice Department might end up dropping the case. [Washington Post]
• And Pelosi has got her hands full pushing for Vermont Senator Pat Leahy's Truth Commissions. It's funny that Congress has to pass legislation to get truth out of politicians! [Wall Street Journal]
• Hey, look! There's one profitable bank in the world now. [BBC]
• A bunch of General Electric investors are pissed at MSNBC for its liberal bent. I thought Republicans were all supposed to be free market and laissez faire and shit. When GE stock is trading at $11 a share, assholes, let's talk profit instead of politics, okay? [Matthew Yglesias]

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

• John Mayer on his breakup with Jen Aniston: "There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met. People are different, people have different chemistry. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right." Hmm, does Mayer The Player have commitmentphobia? [People, UPI]
• John Mayer also says: "I'm sorry that the story's not interesting. But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great." [OK!]
• Um, there's also video of John making these statements. He actually seems emotional. [TMZ]
• Okay, this report says that though they're going through a rocky time, John and Jen are not over. Then again, it also claims that "the birth of the Brangelina twins has got her down." Ugh. [The Sun]
• This report says that money was an issue with Jen and John. "Jen was tired of paying for everything," says a source. "Cobwebs come flying out of (Mayer's) wallet when he opens it. John liked living like a movie star when he was with her. Jen would never say anything, but you could tell it irritated her." [MSNBC]
• Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi tied the knot! The private ceremony took place at their home in Los Angeles. There were 19 guests, including both of their mothers. [Yahoo News]

• Ellen and Portia both wore Zac Posen. They exchanged rings by Neil Lane. The couple said handwritten vows. Sniff. [People]
• Oooh, you can see Portia's fluffy pink dress here. A source called it a "Cinderella tutu." [Us]
• A crowd of 6,000 people gathered on Chicago's South Side to remember Bernie Mac on Saturday. Samuel L. Jackson spoke at the church and said: "He never turned that kid down for an autograph. He always had time to shake a hand. He was always that kid from Chicago who wanted to make everybody happy and everybody laugh." [CNN]
• Meanwhile, a Presbyterian Church in Memphis is being criticized for holding a memorial for Scientologist Isaac Hayes. [UPI]
• Madonna's 50th birthday was Saturday. She spent the day praying at the Kabbalah center before hitting a London nightclub. [Mirror]
• In other news, doesn't look like Madonna will be adopting that little girl in Malawi. Although we'll surely hear something different tomorrow. [The Sun]
• Meanwhile: Guy Ritchie's script adviser has been charged with possessing more than £100,000 worth of cocaine and cannabis. At least he knows his stuff. [Daily Mail]
• Tyra Banks kept her audience waiting for two hours for a taping of "Celebrating Black Models, Past, Present and Future" while she was backstage "giggling, snacking and chatting with the crew." At the end of the show, Tyra and some other models released black balloons, which, as we all know, kill sea life. Anyway, a source says the whole show was "self-indulgent, narcissistic crap." [Page Six]
• Phil Collins has divorced third wife Orianne Cevey after six years of marriage and two children. He's paid her £25 million, more than Paul McCartney gave Heather Mills. [Mirror]
• Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe suffers from dyspraxia, a neurological problem which impairs movement. His spokesperson says his condition is mild and "at worst manifests itself in an inability to tie his shoe laces and bad handwriting." [Daily Mail]
• Courtenay Semel is spilling details about her relationship with Lindsay Lohan: "Everyone thinks Samantha is Lindsay’s first lesbian love, but we were very passionate until her fear of being found out drove us apart," she says. Apparently Courtnenay and LL would do lines of coke, then go home and "fall into bed together." You know, Star was on to LL's "roomate" Courtenay months ago! [News Of The World]
• Courtenay also claims that Lindsay slept with a bunch of dudes to suppress her lesbian urges. [The Sun]
• Was Peaches Geldof's quickie Vegas wedding a publicity stunt for the groom's rock band? The group, Chester French, was unknown in the UK before the wedding; now they have five gigs: Sheffield tomorrow night, followed by Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and London. [Mirror]
• Peaches has gone to visit her father, who will surely quiz her about what the hell is going on. [The Sun]
• By the by, Peaches' new hubs doesn't know who Sir Bob Geldof is, so that should go over well. [Mirror]
• Oh, dear. There's a picture of Peaches licking the face of Mark The Cobrasnake. [Daily Mail]
• Did Peaches get married because she was depressed? Is she still scarred from the death of her mother eight years ago? [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has become obsessed with The Wizard Of Oz and is using a sample of music from the film in one of her new tracks. Clearly, she loves the scene that's all, "Poppies… poppies!" [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl gossip: The first season comes out on DVD this week, with an audiobook narrated by Christina Ricci. Except no one likes audiobooks, especially not GG fans. [NY Times]
• Bill Murray jumped out of a plane on Friday. The 57-year-old actor leapt from 13,500 feet with members of the Army Golden Knights Parachute Team. When Murray landed, he said: "I really feel like having a drink." [AP]
• Paris Hilton's extensions were extremely obvious on the red carpet at a recent event. [UPI]
• View said extensions here. [ONTD]
• Jared Leto's band, 30 Seconds To Mars, is being sued by its label, Virgin Records, for not delivering three albums as required by contract. More time in the studio, less time on eyeliner, guys. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which hunk in a summer movie is a violent, closeted homosexual? The heartthrob snuck into his ex's apartment a few months ago and raped him so violently, the ex ended up in the hospital — and the actor paid him $500,000 to keep his mouth shut." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which oft-photographed socialite is being forced to get a job by her parents? She looks rich but is really broke, and is now looking for modeling gigs." [Page Six]
• Drama in the Black Eyed Peas! Fergie's too busy shooting a movie to commit to a tour schedule. [Page Six]
• Celebs at the DNC? George Clooney, Madonna, Kanye West, Scarlett Johansson, Susan Sarandon, Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino and Matt Damon all wanna be there when Barack Obama says, "Yes, I can." [Rush & Molloy]
• Kim Kardashian performed with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas on Friday and used iChat to show boyfriend Reggie Bush what she looked like in her costume. Yeah, she knows how to video chat. Be afraid. [People]
• Everything you need to know about Lo Bosworth's role on The Hills: "A subtle intelligence is Lo's saving grace. It's all there in her withering gaze, usually directed away from her target, and possibly in whatever she's always typing into her cellphone." [L.A. Times]
• Sixteen-year-old Georgia Jagger won't let mom Jerry Hall wear anything inappropriate. "I did take all her miniskirts. I told her one night that her skirt was too short – she came down the stairs and I was like, 'God, Mum, you are 50.'" [Daily Mail]
• Entourage star Emmanuelle Chriqui was one of the many patrons of an L.A. nightclub who came out coughing when someone set off pepper spray. [TMZ]
• Mark Frith, editor of Heat magazine, has a book about what it's like to run a tabloid readers love and stars hate. An excerpt: "Jude Law's lawyer calls again. 'We've reason to believe you're planning to run some photographs that you don't have permission to run. When does the magazine print?' 'It already has.' Silence. Then he tells me our lawyers will be getting a letter." [Daily Mail]
• Somebody stole stuff out of the Dancing With The Stars van when it was in Roseville, MN. [UPI]
• Is Avril Lavigne too sexy for Malaysia? [Yahoo News]
• Patrick Swayze continues to smoke. [The Sun]
• Robert Wagner has talked to a friend about the night Natalie Wood died. [Times of London]
• Headline of the day: "Even when he was kissing me, Warren Beatty could not resist staring at himself in the mirror." [Daily Mail]
• "I'd like an Oscar, I think, and I'd also like to have been the face of a big cosmetics company, like Chanel or one of the others. You know what, I am actually going to say I'd like an Oscar nomination rather than an Oscar. I don't want to jinx it." — Emma Roberts. [News.com.au]
• "I saw The Dark Knight. I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved The Prestige but didn't understand The Dark Knight. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character… I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high-brow and so fucking smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie. You know what? Fuck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from." — Robert Downey Jr. [MSNBC]

[Los Angeles, January 5. Image via Bauer-Griffin]