Jezebel: ballet flats

You're Not A Real Fashion Victim 'Til You've Landed In The ER

Jennifer — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 16:30:00 EST

Poor Simon Doonan: the writer and creative director of Barneys New York is suffering from a fashion-inflicted injury, or so he says in his column in this week's New York Observer.

I once laughed unsympathetically when my mother's best friend broke her thumb putting on her girdle, and now, lo many years later, God has seen fit to punish me... It's hard to say if my affliction is more or less embarrassing than that girdle-mangling horror of yore. I will let you be the judge. Here goes: I was felled by a man-bag, a Goyard man-bag at that...After two or three years of lugging round my luxe accessory...I incurred a nasty case of bicep tendinitis....[It] is a painful and immobilizing condition involving months of rehab.

Motivated by his sorry state, Doonan set out to track down fellow victims of the thing we call fashion. After all, who amongst us has not pulled a Linda Wells? (Says the Allure editor-in-chief: "There I was in the dressing room, trapped in a designer straitjacket [aka - a Prada turtleneck], mortified...I still can't understand how one can get into something but not get out of it.")

Doonan's other fashion victim pals include realtor Burt Minkoff (angora in the contact lens landed him in the ER); gallerist Karen Boltrax (Paul Smith clogs fucked up her feet); an anonymous Allure staffer (thrombosis from too-tight leather pants — guesses, anyone?); and US Weekly's Sasha Charnin Morrison (took a tumble leaving a Versace show, got a photo and a Versace band-aid to prove it).

I for one, have an anecdote: It was my sophomore year of college and I had signed up to be a tour guide for prospective students and their parents. Finishing up a tour while walking forwards (not backwards, like a good tour guide should!) in my brand spankin' new ballet flats — which just might have been an eency bit loose in the heel — I tripped, took flight, and landed face down, using only my knees to break my fall. I was rushed to the ER, as the doc on campus was positive I had not one but two broken kneecaps. (They ended up being severely bruised, and I was put on bedrest for 2 weeks.)

Anyway: So here's the challenge: Can you guys top these fashion injury stories? Go for it. Make our day.

Ouch! Argh! We Tumble, We Fall: Fashion Injuries, or the Agony of Angora [NY Observer]

And Then There Were None...

Jennifer — Mon, 14 May 2007 19:44:11 EDT

First they came for our stilettos, and we did not speak, because they were creating too much pain and credit card debt. Then they came for our flip-flops, and we did not speak, because we knew in our heart of hearts they were ugly anyway. But today they came for our ballet flats, and we did not speak, because we were so fucking gobsmacked we threw up our larynx.

Podiatrists Warn Against The Latest Foot Fashion [Houston Chronicle]

Porn for Preppies.

Anna — Wed, 07 Feb 2007 16:55:00 EST

The new J. Crew arrived today. Of course, there'll be a new one 10 days from now but no matter: the retailer has made quite the turnaround over the past 5 years and this week's catalog just proves how irresistible - and, for the most part, affordable - its well-designed basics can be. Let's start with the delicious new Marsala suede ballet flats.

They're a little pricey - more than we'd like to spend, we admit, especially considering that Steve Madden's Bees line is about half the price and almost as adorable. But they come in sizes up to 12 (you've just got to love a company that acknowledges big-footed women) and that elastic heel-band just can't be beat.

J. Crew's new button boatneck in merino wool looks perfect for spring (we're thinking the fresh tangerine might be best) but we're not that sold on the cotton pique polos: as cute as their embroidered "critters" are on the page, in real life, there's nothing that can rival a simple yet heavy-duty Lacoste.

Other notables: a safari-inspired canteen shirtdress. (They say to try pairing with leggings; we say, skip that shit and just get a good tan). And we're almost sold on these Savannah wedge espadrilles...except they should be about $30 less.