You've seen it: a middle-aged mom, presumably moving her son into his dorm room, and the son's nerdy roommate, share a Halls Refresh lozenge and a weird moment of sexual connection. Then her menfolk walk in and are suitably appalled. ("Surprisingly mouth-watering," leers an insinuating voice-over.) The American Decency Association has called the ad "perverse" and its founder explains, rather oddly, that "I believe that an advertisement like this really does grease the skids and does further promotion and legitimization of elderly ones with younger ones — and it's like putting fuel before the fire."

"Elderly ones with younger ones" are also the theme of Cougartown, of course, during which the lame ad ran, and presumably the show's fans were neither unduly shocked nor influenced. But the ad is, certainly, problematic, albeit for a number of different reasons. Slate's Seth Stevenson, while he finds the add bizarre and silly, thinks this is a bit of a tempest in a teapot - that it's in the tradition of recent absurdist candy campaigns and too outre to be taken seriously. The bigger question, for him, is who the hell the commercial is targeting: boys or moms? Candy's aimed at kids, but the spot's placement - and its virtuous lack of sugar - suggest that it's playing to mom tastes, which Stevenson finds duly dubious.

In a way, I'm with the ADA, because the continuing perpetuation of the cougar/MILF thing is indeed creepy. If the ad featured a dad and a young female nerd, it would be universally shunned and it's time we stopped pretending that the reverse is always the stuff of harmless fantasy. That said, the ad's a send-up of the cougar phenomenon's absurdity, and if that's a signal of shark-jumping (or, as Hortense has suggested we rename it, "pulling a Scrappy-Doo"), bring it on.

But what bothered me most was sort of exactly this: this isn't a MILF and a strapping stud: it's a frumpy middle-aged woman and an Asian nerd, shorthand for "NOT SEXY!!!" That's why it's funny, you see: these are two groups whom no one would ever find attractive if not under the influence of the cough drop! (Note the action figures and equation.) That, after all, is what the husband and son are reacting to: not just the inappropriate dynamic, but the fact that these non-sexy types are breaking out of their designated roles. "Surprisingly mouth-watering," is after all, the tag-line. One can only imagine what other treats Hall's Refresh has in store!

Of course, at the end of the day, Stevenson's right: it's just a dumb commercial, and these people occupy Commercial-Land, in which all husbands are single-digit stupid, all moms are knowing, all kids are sassy and precocious, and everyone, given their bizarre enthusiasm for fast-food promotions, is apparently stoned, always. All this, presumably, makes us want to buy stuff. And if that's true, Stevenson shouldn't even question the targeting: we are, it would seem, morons. Who eat cough drops for pleasure.

Can Cougars Sell Cough Drops? [Slate]
Halls Refresh Commercial - Mom [YouTube]

Volvo just launched WhatDrivesEdward.com. Because nothing says says "vampire" like a shiny Swedish "crossover" vehicle. (Watch out! The dramatic violin music on that website might… put you to sleep.)

Writes AdWeek's Kenneth Hein:

"Presumably with Twilight being a tween girl franchise, they are hoping that the message might be picked up by moms to use the Volvo to take their adolescent little vampires to soccer practice," said Lucian James of the brand strategy consultancy Agenda.

Wow, that sounds… absolutely ridiculous! Here's how they're tying together Edward Cullen's creepy obsessive need to take care of Bella with a $34,000 hatchback:

There's more to life than a Volvo. There's having the power to keep safe what you hold most dear.

Lame.

Just like there are 7 vampires better than Edward Cullen, there are at least two spooky cars better than his dumb Volvo:

The Munsters' car.

The Addams Family car.

Because just like Edward, a the Volvo XC60 doesn't have any bite.

Twilight's 'New Moon' Rises For Volvo [AdWeek]
WhatDrivesEdward.com [Volvo]

Earlier: 7 Vampires Better Than Twilight's Edward Cullen

As Kate Harding points out at Broadsheet, the mom-themed commercials are aimed mainly at dudes, who are apparently compelled by colds to seek out a "fantasy of perfectly coddled convalescence." Now, I myself have been known to crave momly care during times of illness, though these days I tend to visit Postcards From Yo Momma rather than bugging my actual mom. While she did nurse me through a college bout with appendicitis, she generally took sort of a strict approach to sickness when I was growing up. My brother and I pretty much went to school unless our symptoms included vomiting or visible boils, and while I might have spread some colds in my day, I also learned to tough out sneezing, sore throats, and other minor afflictions without too much complaining. It's something of a stereotype that men never learn this, and that women must thus baby them through every sniffle. I'm not sure if I buy it — but luckily, as Harding writes, Kleenex has so many more stereotypes to choose from!

The Get Mommed website offers eight mothers to choose from, including Jessica the best-friend mom and Veronica, a hard-driving career woman who knows how to get organized. Then there's Asian-American mom Sue, who believes in "hard work" and "tough love" — and just in case you didn't get that Asians care about achievement, there's a report card right next to her face. The most ridiculous example of racial stereotyping in the name of rhinovirus relief, though, is Ana Maria, a Latina mom with a big family. She says, "I grew up with an extended family of aunts, uncles, great-aunts, cousins, grandmas, you name it" — which sort of implies that there are other types of familial relationships we haven't even heard of. Just to be clear, Ana Maria explains, "I learned so much from my family. They were from different cultures." But these poor different cultures might not have "antiviral" tissues — and Ana Maria is here to make sure that (in Harding's words) "strange young white men who show up at her door unable to cope with the common cold" never have to suffer their fate. Which is, um, just blowing your nose like a normal adult, and not relying on a creepy panel of ethnic caricatures to teach you how to do so.

"Get Mommed"? Get Real, Kleenex [Salon]
Get Mommed [Official Site]

Well, luckily for us, Broadview Security (formerly Brinks) knows the risks that come with being a successful young woman who owns her own home. They've already made it pretty clear that every dame's a potential damsel in distress - especially young, hip ones! - and that the world's full of lurking psychopaths who are invariably instantly deterred from malevolent intent by a beeping security system. Now, they're driving home that you can't trust anyone. Oh, except, of course, the cute cop who answers the alarm.

Because being a candle-loving, yogurt-lapping lady, you'll want to be able to adopt the inappropriately flirty body-language we all favor mere minutes after a violent scare! And Broadview (emphasis on 'broad') gives you that freedom!

Related: Security Systems And The Culture Of Fear

But first: Have you ever been convinced that technology from Europe will make you more beautiful? I haven't. But for some reason beauty companies think women will fall for that shit.

The instant facelift ones are the worst, because they really prey on the aging, as if there's anything you can do about aging. And Sarah's right: If you had money, you'd get surgery, but you don't! So you waste it on stuff that will never work. Sigh.

By the by: I saw this Rejuvenique commercial one night AND COULD NOT SLEEP FOR THREE YEARS AFTERWARD.

Kidding. Sort of. Anyway, Sarah Haskins was asked about all the crazy crap that's marketed toward women. She says:

A lot of people ask me like, how can marketing to women be better? And my default answer is, I don't want it to better, this is my job.

But seriously folks!
She also explains:

I think the big problem, though, stemmed from the fact that everything is - the products are very clearly divided into genders, either because of something with our gender roles, like laundry, or maybe, you know, they find the angle being weight loss, and that's a lady thing, so that goes to yogurt. I mean, that's what the yogurt ads are about, weight loss and, like, regularity.

And:

I was an American studies major in college and we learned about the cult of true womanhood, which was sort of what women were told in the media in like the turn of the century in the Victorian era at that time, which emphasized this piety and purity and submission and domesticity, and how the women sort of control the hearth. And from that, you know, they control the home. And I think the legacy of that has not changed. It's still with us in the media and we've just added to it. Certainly a lot of women's products are still like, do it for your man.

And now I think what's been added to it in a modern mix is this all sense of like, fem-powerment - like you go, girl. You are jogging, you know? And that shouldn't be our prime goal: jogging and going to yoga class without having cramps.

She also admits she likes the Geico commercial where a cash stack with little eyeballs sings to you. It's a gender-neutral idea! But, she says: "I don't think anything — when it's going after women particularly, in trying to frame them in a certain way to make you buy the product — is really going to not be ridiculous in some way." And the proof is in the Target: Women pudding.

Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Beauty Contraptions [Current]
Why Marketers Are Wooing Women All Wrong [NPR]

Earlier: All Sarah Haskins posts
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

Earlier: Ralph Lauren Takes Responsiblity For Photoshop Of Horrors
Ralph Lauren's Ridiculous Photoshop; More Ridiculous Rage

I've written about this before, in most directly for the online magazine Cerise. My colleague Andrea also had a regular series called "Market to Me," as kind of an open letter to the marketing arms of major games makers.

I mean, the statistics are fairly clear. When I reviewed the academic work Beyond Barbie and Mortal Kombat, the stats revealed some interesting trends:

The book's introduction lays out some pertinent facts: about 38 percent of video game players and 42 percent of online game players are female. About seventy percent of casual gamers are women. Estimates vary, but it is clear that women have become a major subgroup in gaming. Yet the industry still ignores them. [...]

The population that does play games is frequently seen as an anomaly rather than a prime informant for understanding how play works. Researchers, and people in the gaming industry, often talk about trying to capture that demographic of nonplaying "Vogue readers" to the exclusion of looking at the group that actually seems to be succeeding in inhabiting game culture now.

Instead of paying attention to why women play certain games or speaking to women who identify as gamers, it appears that game companies prefer to work with stereotypes. This isn't something that is characteristic to the gaming industry - it plagues advertising in general, as we last discussed when talking about the Femme Den and their aversion to the "shrink it and pink it" strategy of marketers trying to reach women. This attitude runs rampant at all levels of game marketing, from the games that are even recommended to women down to store displays.

The photo illustrating this post? It was snapped at a Gamestop, and Wired blogger Eliza Gauger sums up my thoughts perfectly with her choice of title: "Games 4 Girls at Gamestop: Gagging, Weeping, Bleeding From the Eyes ."

Will someone please tell me who was in the back yelling "More pink! More sparkles!" for this display? Remove them from your marketing department immediately. Instead, have your remaining employees pay attention to some things that should be fairly obvious.

1. Women Gamers Are Not a Monolith

Let me just run down a quick list of people I know personally.

P: Some would term her "hardcore." P actually works at a gaming store, part time, to help feed her habit. She maintains all systems and normally keeps a PSP and a DSI in easy reach. She also has modded machines for import games and spends multiple hours a week in play, often using XBox Live to connect with our other friends and other players in games like Left4Dead, Gears of War, and Halo.

H1: Plays a lot, often with P. Also plays a wide variety of games, everything from Beautiful Katamari to Gears of War. She also spends multiple hours a week in play.

H2: Social gamer. She prefers to play either handheld games with friends or linking up through XBox to enjoy the Left 4 Dead insanity. She is a big fan of party games, everything from Rock Band to Mario Party.

H3: Loner. She will occasionally participate in the linked games like Left 4 Dead, but generally prefers survival horror games like the Resident Evil franchise, the Fatal Frame franchise and other high suspense games.

T: T lives for first person shooters. She's highly into competition, and prefers games that allow her to let out some aggression. However, she also has a spot for well-crafted, innovative games, which is why Okami ranks among her favorite games.

V: What many would term the casual gamer, she doesn't identify as even liking video games. Yet, her cell phone has a wide range of games downloaded, and she takes part of different games on Facebook. She will also play social games, but prefers sports games on Wii.

Me: I game a lot less than I used to, but I am a sucker for any and all RPGs and the occasional fighting franchise. I'll try playing just about anything, but tend to stay away from first person shooters.

Here are some key trends: None of us wished upon a star for something pink or sparkly. (Though we have been known to play Lego Indiana Jones.) Some of us like pink, some of us don't. Some of us have all the latest tech, some of us don't. Some of us prefer computer games, some of us don't. Getting the picture? We're all different. Stop using a marketing strategy aimed at twelve year olds for everyone, and stop assuming all women are driven solely by a desire to lose weight. Please take a lesson from the ill-fated Della.

2. Switch Up Your Advertising

Advertising through the same old outlets will get you the same old results. In order to find girls who play video games, try researching where there is over lap. For example, the now-defunct magazine Shojo Beat was a monthly magazine aimed toward 12- 17 year olds who like to read manga. There was also an interesting tidbit in the media kit - the majority of the readers of the magazine also played video games. While the editors quickly responded, providing coverage of popular video games releasing in the US and Japan, game makers were slow to advertise in the magazine. Even though Japanese clothing companies like Baby, The Stars Shine Bright found it worthwhile to purchase advertising, the gaming industry was not represented on a regular basis.

Recently, this ad aired for Rhythm Heaven:

While the ad didn't personally appeal to me, I liked quite a few things about it. Positing Beyonce as a player, using a black DSi, having a celebrity promoting a game rather than the hardware are all important steps to take that defy stereotypes. Additionally, this is just one of many spots Nintendo has used in their quest to appeal to non-traditional gamers which feature a wide range of players enjoying their content. It's really just that simple.

3. When Rethinking Marketing, Start Internally

A while back, I read an interview by Fast Company with Will Wright, the creator of mega-blockbuster The Sims. Wright made one small comment that actually illuminated a lot of key issues:

Having more women in the industry would help a lot. We've been making games that cater to ourselves, to 40-year-old men. We've noticed with Spore that women don't mind if there's violence in the game, as long as they have a path they can take that doesn't involve them having to kill everything. I think one of the reasons The Sims did so well with women is that 40% of our development team were women.

If you want to attract more women, involve more women in the process of creating games. Hire more women at your organization. Reach out to women who already identify as gamers.

However, none of this will work if people aren't willing to challenge stereotypes. The Wall Street Journal article states:

Making games for girls has "had a transformational impact on Ubisoft," Mr. Key said. The company in 2004 also began sponsoring an all-female team of game players called Frag Dolls, to help promote women in gaming.

The Frag Dolls play games like Left 4 Dead, Gears of War 2, and Heroes Over Europe. What games are mentioned in the article? Petz, Littlest Pet Shop, Charm Girls Club, and Your Shape.

Gentlemen, we still have a problem.

Videogame Firms Make a Play for Women [WSJ]
Attention Game Designers: 5 Steps to Attract Girl Gamers [Cerise]
Market to Me [Cerise]
Gamer Girls Rising [Women's Review of Books]
Games 4 Girls at Gamestop: Gagging, Weeping, Bleeding From the Eyes[Wired]
The Simemperor [Fast Company]

Earlier: "Shrink It And Pink It" Gets Slaughtered By The Femme Den
Dell Discovers Ladies Use Computers For More Than Diet Tips

Linger's website tells the "Story of Linger" — which involves a softcore tale of a "trip into the heart of India," a " soft spoken, aristocratic man" with "skin the color of caramel" and the dubious statement, "When I returned to the States, I brought the tingly sweet tasting sex mint with me."

But, Phillips writes:

My tin of Linger looked a lot like one of those tins of mints that are given away at trade shows. And guess what? That's what it is. A little digging revealed that Linger is made/distributed by a company called Admints, which just happens to make trade show mints. And the Linger samples just happen to have have the exact same shape, taste, and ingredients as Admint's sample mints.

How is this legal? Well, the website instructions don't actually tell you to stick the mint in your vadge. Plus, there's a disclaimer, which states:

This product is for novelty use only and is not recommended for women prone to yeast or other types of infections.

Apparently selling a product as a "novelty" protects the manufacturer if something goes wrong. And guess what? Linger's primary ingredient is sugar — which can lead to a yeast infection — in Phillip's words, "a condition that definitely doesn't make someone want to 'linger.'"

What sucks is that from vintage Lysol ads to more recent douching pitches and the oh-so-bizarre Waterworks commercial, women can never get away from the idea that there's something wrong with the smell — or the taste — "down there." Funny how it hasn't stopped millions of men and women from traveling south of the border, lickety split, to sample the goods… for centuries.

Femimint Hygiene: Vagina Mints [Mother Jones]
Linger [Official Site]

Earlier: Mystery Product Boosts Confidence, Makes Women More "Feminine"
Vintage Lysol Ad
"If You're Concerned About Douching..."