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Badgley Mischka

L to R: Um did they hem this dress a little short?; Look! The gown hurts her heart so badly she has to grab her sides!; Wedding dress? Or New Age straight-jacket?

L to R: How original; Bling, anyone?; Where's Rami Kashou when you need him?

L to R: If George Clooney marries that cocktail waitress, I bet she'll wear this; No more mermaid silhouettes, please; Just say no to tiers.

L to R: Just painful; No more shiny, please; For the pregnant bride, clearly.

L to R: That has to be the tackiest neckline ever; Stop! The originality is killing me! Sparkly and a mermaid silhouette!

Monique Lhuillier

L to R: Perfet for Romeo's Juliette — who was supposed to be what? 13 years old?; Ruffle booty!; Someone free her boobies, please.

L to R: And Prada thinks they own the whole lace thing this season; Lo. Li. Ta: Light of my life, fire of my loins; Has this girl even hit puberty?

L to R: Why is there something a little good touch/bad touch about this?; Tyra calls this the "couture pose"; The bride is the age of a flower girl.

[Images via Getty.]

• 1. Vera Wang: All I can think of when I see this is Chris and Christian (aka Team Fierce's) "avant-garde" look from Project Runway two weeks ago. It's way too trendy for Jenna and a Texas country wedding. This is a Southern sorority girl we're talking about, here.
  
• 2. J. Mendel: This tiered look screams "I'm pregnant and don't want daddy to know"!
  
• 3. Arnold Scaasi: Could this dress be any more old-school? Whatever Laura wore to marry Georgie Porgy probably looked a whole lot like this. (It's probably what his Barbara wore in her wedding to George, Sr. too.) Jenna may be a Republican, but she's not old. She needs contemporary conservative. Not to be confused, of course, with "compassionate conservative".
  
• 4. Carlos Miele: I can imagine Jenna in something like this; the strapless look is so traditional, and the bottom is full without being princess-y. (Jenna did teach children in South America; she's of the people!) One problem: Jenna's figure can come across as a little square, and this dress may not play up her curves.
  
• 5. Amsale: The girl can drink her Secret Service detail under the table. No way in hell is she going to wear a dress strewn with flowers.
  
• 6. Carmen Marc Valvo: Ooh, cool and modern without trying too hard; no avant-garde aspirations. Just stylish. And thus, possibly too good for Jenna. (See: Southern sorority girl, drinks like a fish, above.)
  
• 7. Angel Sanchez: Interesting detailing in the front, but those spaghetti straps won't be doing Jenna any favors. Pass.
  
• 8. Badgley Mischka: We have a winner! This dress has traditional styling, old-school glamour, romance, and class. And the White House can use all the class it can spin.
  
• 9. Nicole Miller: The bustle in the back, draping across the front, and underlayers peeking out look old-fashioned, but not in a cool, vintage way. Too dated for an all-American party girl.
  
• 10. Lela Rose: The scoop neck is unexpected and modern, but it just might be a little too fashion-forward for the stiff-necked blueblood Bush clan.
  11. Marc Bouwer: This shape might have looked good when Audrey Hepburn played Eliza Doolittle, but Jenna Bush, my friends, is no Audrey Hepburn. (Or John Kennedy.)
  
• 12. Oscar de la Renta: Strikingly similar to the Badgley Mischka gown, this one is a teensy bit more sophisticated. And Jenna Bush just doesn't scream "sophistication."

• Karl Lagerfeld has designed a lead figurine of himself, to be sold as a limited edition (1,000 units only) for $300 at Paris boutique Colette. Perfect for teaching etiquette, nutrition, and brand-expansion strategy to your Homies! [WWD, 3rd item]
  
• Agyness Deyn has replaced Drew Barrymore as the face of English designer Giles Deacon's diffusion line, Gold. Anyway, if they were looking for someone less overexposed than Drew Barrymore, they failed. [Vogue UK]
  
• Aw, gender equality! Male models are getting freakishly thin, too. [NY Mag]
  
• Diane von Furstenberg: "Is it clothes that make you glamorous? I don't think so! Glamour is shine, glamour is having an aura, and that is not just about clothes or makeup — I am very often without makeup, and I always look for comfortable clothes. For me, it's important to be who you are, or — even better—to be who you want to be." This doesn't exactly make sense, but at least it seems sincere! [BlackBook]

• The couture shows start in Paris on Monday. And are the suits behind the labels worried about the sucky economy and the fact that, uh, no one can afford couture? Nah, they're just worried it might rain. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Stupid celebrities attending the upcoming couture shows: Ellen Pompeo will be attending Armani "exclusively" (well, excuse us!) and Gossip Girl star Blake Lively is being taken by Vanity Fair to Chanel, Valentino, and Gauliter. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Oh the anticipation, it kills us. A documentary entitled Valentino: The Last Emperor (made by Vanity Fair correspondent Matt Tyrnauer) makes its debut in May at Cannes. [Vogue UK]
• Heidi Klum will be wearing a custom-made John Galliano to the Oscars in February (um, presuming the Oscars actually happen this year), which is somehow supposed to raise awareness for Diet Coke's Heart Truth campaign to educate women about heart disease. Yeah, we don't get it either. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Badgley Mischka are on Martha Stewart today showing bridal looks. Must watch. [Chic Report]
• Okay, not gonna lie: I actually really do want to learn how to get Blake "Serena van der Woodsen" Lively's make-up look. [BellaSugar]
• Barneys New York: Now in Vegas. The store was designed to look a little trashy to, y'know, match the Vegas aesthetic. "There's more glitter here," says Barneys creative director Simon Doonan. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Home Shopping Network is debuting a line of products by Dr. David Watts, which he claims will delay customers' inevitable need for plastic surgery. [WWD, sub req'd]
• American Eagle is starting a line of children's clothing called 77kids, aimed at 2-10-year olds. Just in case you were worried that your kids weren't emblazoned in logos at a young enough age. [WWD, sub req'd]
• It Bag-makers Mulberry just announced that they're going to start doing shoes, also. And today they announced they'll be adding eyewear as well. Way to diffuse the brand, guys. [WWD, 5th item]
• Designer Monique Lhullier's new Bel-Air home is featured on the cover of ELLE Decor this month. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Sass & Bide is doing a diffusion line called Vie that is supposedly reasonably priced. [Okay, note to self: Ask Jen what a "diffusion line" is. Is it like a "bridge" line, only with more particles? -Moe] Pieces range from $63-$260. Your call whether that's reasonably priced or not. [FabSugar]
• Yay for the Gap for making their new CFO a woman. We wish Sabrina Simmons well in her new position. [The Street]
• Vanessa Williams on her retail therapy: "It's much more fun buying shoes at night, after dinner and a few drinks. It just doesn't hurt as much." Note to self: Always get drunk before Prada. [Fashion Week Daily]

Though James Mischka of Badgley Mischka insists that "trends today are much kinder to the bridesmaids than they ever were before" and Mark Badgley backs him up by saying, "The look these days is much more casual," I don't believe it at all. (Seriously, have you checked out bridal "guru" Vera Wang's latest maids' concoctions? I threw up a little in my mouth just looking!) Most brides are still shoving their so-called best-friends in pastel confections that you would not wish upon your worst, ugliest enemy. Tom Nardone, the founder of Uglydress.com, points out that, in their state of nuptial-planning hysteria, "Brides will choose a dress the same way they choose the cake, the chair covers and, especially, the flowers. That's why you get necklines that match the contours of the calla lilies."

Some say, that, when it comes to bridesmaid garb, times are changing — "Girls...want more fashion-forward looks," says Francesca Pitera, the chief designer for Jim Hjelm, a New York bridal house — but I can't help but think this is just another version of the same problem. Ok, fine: Maybe you don't have to wear a baby blue damask silk gown which hangs at the natural waist and has crepe flowers blooming out of the shoulders, but are you really going to feel much better when you see yourself in a picture of the bridal party in 20 years time, bedecked in a burnt-orange baby doll dress? Or a royal purple bubble hem? Because while fashion will always yield cringe-inducing trends laughed at in personal snapshots and such, bridal-party wear is well-documented enough that everyone and their mother gets to have a laugh.

27 Dresses: A Costume Designer's Dream [Reuters]
The Bride Made Me Buy This [NY Times]

• Kate Bosworth is the new face of Calvin Klein jeans. Looks good enough to make us forget another girl named Kate who once was the face of CK jeans. [Vogue UK]
  
• In case you forgot, here's what Brooke Shields looked like in her Calvins. [Sassybella])
  
• With nary a girl to dress for red carpet season, Badgley Mischka has made an awards-attending Barbie. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Mazel Tov to Stella McCartney, who just gave birth to baby number three, a son, Beckett Robert Lee Willis. McCartney and her husband Aldashair WIllis have two other children and one ex-wicked stepmother. [WWD, 2nd item]

• Tyson Beckford's ego really must be stopped: "What's so great about me is I can call Naomi Campbell and be like 'Yo Naomi, we need you to teach these girls how to walk.' I don't think anybody else in fashion can do that without her charging you a brick. I can do that because I'm her friend...I can call anyone in fashion. I can say 'André Talley, come here'...I can say, 'Hey, André Talley, come hang out with me,' and he'll do that...I can call Ralph Lauren, you know. I can go sit in Ralph's office and put my feet on his desk and say 'Ralph, I need a favor.'" [Fashion Week Daily]
• Our favorite Project Runway judge Nina Garcia: Moved to tears by Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the Time of Cholera, rocks out to Amy WInehouse and James Brown. [The Fashion Informer]
• Now you too can buy your very own spacesuit! [Guardian]
• Want to sell clothes? Or a bologna sandwich? Put Miley "Hannah Montana" Cyrus's name anywhere near an object you need to move off the shelf and it will go flying so fast you'll think you've been robbed. [NYPost]
• Donna Karan's new line of handbags are inspired by the different signs of the Zodiac. "I live by astrology," says Karan. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Glamour editor-in-chief Cindi Leive is just like us: Doesn't call her grandmother enough! [Fashion Week Daily]
• Let this news from Australia be true: Skinny models are out, healthy looking girls are in. [The Age]
• Aspirin + apple cider vinegar = clean hair? [BellaSugar]
• Really expensive handbag line Mulberry is now venturing into the world of really expensive shoes. [Vogue UK]
• Valentino: Getting a medal from the mayor of Paris! Aw? [WWD, 5th item]
• Retailers' profits are sucking big time. [WSJ]
• Bravo's new show Make Me A Supermodel premieres tonight with swank (we guess?) corporate sponsors Mercedes Benz, Alltel Wireless, and Garnier hair products. [MediaWeek]
• Lucky Seattle: Getting 3 new H&M's in the next year! [Charleston Post-Courier]

• Designer Vivienne Westwood is switching party allegiances from the (liberal) Labour to the (conservative) Tory, and will even be the keynote speaker at her new political party's Christmas party. Warns Westwood: "I'm going to take the opportunity to put them right on a few things. They're not going to get what they bargained for." [Vogue UK]
  
• "Russians have started to learn that less bling is better, that more sophistication is in. The women here learn this slower than the rest of world, but they're learning for sure." Donatella Versace, folks. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Heidi Montag of The Hills is designing clothing line for the label Anchor Blue. See, it happened in one of those brainstorming sessions where an Anchor Blue executive was like, "Who can we get that would actually be less qualified to design a clothing line than L.C. from The Hills?" [Sassybella]
  
• Cory Kennedy is the new face of Urban Decay. Which is kind of cute, because she's the age we were when we thought Urban Decay — the nail polish, the societal phenomenon, etc.— were cool. [Fashionista]

• B.U.M. Equipment is back. And starting a line called B.U.M. Organics. Way to beat the old, played-out, trendhumping image that killed your clothing line in the eighties and stay true to your authentic brand identity, guys! [WWD, sub req'd]
• OMG: Elle Macpherson and Bryan Adams are dating! Dude, we can't even remember the last time we heard about Bryan Adams. [Daily Mail UK]
• Model Erin O'Connor is all totally swoony for Antonio Banderas. [Daily Express]
• First New York, then the Blue States! After TopShop opens in Manhattan in September, the company plans to open additional locations on both coasts. [MediaPost]
• Model Hana Soukupova on when she "first felt beautiful": "I guess when I went into fashion. You know, I'm from a small town in Czech Republic, and I never thought I could do this, you know?" Profound. [BellaSugar]
• Hillary Clinton: Likes hats! [WWD, 2nd item]
• Badgley Mischka: Dressing the Alvin Ailey company's principal dancers! [WWD, 3rd item]
• Would you like a Vivienne Tam-designed MP3 player? [Fashion Week Daily]

• The inevitable happened and TopShop gave model Agyness Deyn her own clothing line, because she dresses totally '80s and that is so edgy! [Vogue UK]
  
• Designer Yves Saint Laurent is very sick. Pray for him. [NY Post]
  
• No one can pronounce Badgley Mischka correctly, which would give us pause about the future of American civilization if half the country wasn't still saying "nuclear" wrong. [NY Post]
  
• Former Jane editor-in-chief Brandon Holley is spending her unemployment mentoring underprivileged girls and teaching them photography, which, if you'll excuse us, is just "So Brandon!" [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Oh Hova: House of Dereon does prom-wear. This would be a clothing line affiliated with Beyonce's family. [WWD, sub req'd]

• Our favorite least-favorite fashion blogger Lauren Goldstein Crowe - gasp! - agrees with us. The new Louis Vuitton bags are dumb. And she points out that she only saw 3 people the whole time she was in Paris sporting their freebies: Elle editor-in-chief Roberta Myers, The Guardian's Jess-Carter Morley (who 'dat?), and Vuitton stylist Katie Grand, which we're pretty sure doesn't count. Draw your own conclusions. [Portfolio]
• Levi's profits jumped by 23.6% in the second quarter. They say it's because of low interest rates. OMG, you mean it wasn't that groundbreaking collaboration with Damien Hirst? [WWD, sub req'd]
• So our pals across the pond are doing this crazy gala performance thingy for the Prince's Trust which is matching different musicians with different fashion houses, yielding the following pairings: Lily Allen - Chanel, Alicia Keys - Armani, Joss Stone - Calvin Klein, Timbaland - Dolce & Gabbana, Shirley Bassey - Marchesa, and Iggy Pop - Versace. [Vogue UK]
• Owns Gucci, knocked up Salma Hayek, and now owns a big ol' apartment in a former "women's hotel": Francois Pinault has it all! [NY Mag]
• Preview the David Lynch-shot Gucci fragrance commercial! [Sassybella]
• The interim president of Banana Republic is going to be named as the full-time president of the company. Making him, uh, the Dick Cheney of fashion? [WSJ]

• Christina Ricci, the face of the re-launched Samsonite Fashionaire collection, gave some bullshit answer at the line's launch party about how fashion is art, blah blah blah. At this point we would like to remind Christina that she's not shilling fashion. She's shilling luggage. [Vogue UK]
  
• In the words of Yogurt from Spaceballs: Merchandising! Merchandising! Merchandising! Now Project Runway has caught the bug and has forged a licensing deal with everything from sewing machine to textile manufacturers to throw the Project Runway logo on their goods. [NY Post]
  
• Badgley Mischka are debuting a daytime dress collection this fall at a much less expensive price point than their signature eveningwear collection. This is still not enough for us to forgive them for the whole Teri Hatcher thing. [WWD, sub req'd]

• Having just now gotten past their faux pas of wearing Italian designer Prada to husband French President Nicolas Sarkozy's inaugration a few months ago, France's new first family is now in trouble for vacationing in Connecticut and shopping at the Ralph Lauren store in that most all-American of cities, Boston. [WWD, 1st item]
• In Japan, clothing boutiques and art galleries are becoming one. Which sorta makes perfect sense, since both hock expensive shit whose purchase can only be rationalized through pseudo-intellectual rantings on aesthetics. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Infinitely better designed than the Kate Moss line is the Celia Birtwell line for Topshop, in stores and available online this week. [Vogue UK]
• Tom Ford: Not just misogynistic, but passive-aggressive too! The asshole designer will host a party for photographer Marilyn Minter celebrating her work the day before New York Fashion Week begins. Even though he uh, fired Minter from being the one to shoot the Tom Ford for Men advertising campaign. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Teri Hatcher replaces the Olsens as the chief endorser of scary-big overwrought dresses. Can she go back to selling phone service or whatever? She was so convincing in that role. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Siouxsie Sioux is "collaborating" (so sick of this word) on a limited edition T-shirt line. With Urban Outfitters. Naturally. [Vogue UK]
  
• Project Runway Season 2's Kara Janx: Pregnant! Jersey wrap dresses for babies surely soon to be on the way. [Blogging Project Runway]
  
• Are Panama hats really in style? We sorta want one. [Vogue UK]
  
• This could only be a sign that the apocalypse is near: Moe and Lauren Goldstein Crowe agree on something. [Portfolio.com]

• The insane/inane (which adjective looks best? We can't decide) celebration of the Neiman Marcus centennial continues: The retailer has now commissioned 26 designers to create their version of the "future of fashion." Ooooh, will someone will get all "subversive" and, like, print a copy of this month's Lucky with extra zeores added to the prices? We can only dream. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Will someone please explain to us why trench coats are newsworthy? This time: Aquascutum. Vintage designs. A Bergdorf exclusive! Yours for a number between $2000 and $5600. Related: Is an Aquascutum garment just asking for some Starr Report action? [FabSugar]
• The female stars of High School Musical 2 swear they all have really, really different styles and totally respect one another's taste. Just like in high school, when we wore green Puma suedes while our totally different unique best friend wore blue ones... [Houston Chronicle]