Jezebel: bad vibes

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Never Used A Vibrator

Tracie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:30:00 EDT

So this explains a lot: Elisabeth Hasselbeck has never used a vibrator, and she won't be starting anytime soon. This morning on The View, the ladies were discussing something that they've talked about a million times before: whether or not your man jerking off to porn — or jerking off at all — is a deal breaker. (It's insane to think that people would hold masturbation against someone.) Elisabeth said she's not OK with it, because it makes her feel as though, if a man has to go to fantasize about anything but her, then that means she's not good enough. Jeez, for someone who's not into masturbation, she's sure as shit into herself. Anyway, Whoopi asked if she ever used a vibrator, and Elisabeth said no, because she enjoys sharing intimacy with another person. Clip above.

Vibrating Cock Rings Stimulate Conversation More Than Clits

Slut Machine — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 16:40:00 EST

I think it's kinda cool that those disposable vibrating cock rings have made it into the mainstream, and are being advertised on TV and sold in drug stores. The NY Observer has an article all about the growing popularity of the disposable vibe rings, sold by various condom companies for about $10 a pop. But something about the Observer's coverage irked me because although almost all the women interviewed raved about the product, in reality, it sucks. I should know — I've tried about $200 worth of them!

Okay, first of all, the sort of vibration used in the ring is not my steez at all. It's that unchanging, steady kind that's so fast it's almost unnoticeable. I need a chunkier ride. (Think off-road terrain or when something heavy and unbalanced is in the washing machine.) Beyond that, the battery only lasts for about 20 minutes. That's not so bad, but you should get some more time with it. Paying 50 cents a minute for subpar action. I know I sound ridiculous, like, "This sucks and there's not enough of it!" But whatever!

The biggest problem with vibrating rings is that they sit at the base of the dude's dick. The idea is that it's supposed to rub up on your clit when it makes contact. But in order to feel any of it, the dude has to keep his peen in there, and press the vibe up on you, so inevitably, you have to choose between the vibe and thrusting.

Here's my suggestion if you're into penetration and vibration at the same time: You lie on your back, then have the dude lie on his side next to you. Drape your legs over him — so it's almost like you're sitting sideways in his lap, except laying down — and have him fuck you that way. This makes it so you can be totally free with your vibe on your clit, without any awkward maneuvering or body parts in the way.

But anyway, as far as those vibrating cock rings go, it is nice to see women's needs addressed beyond "ribbed for her pleasure." (BTW, have women ever derived pleasure from, or even noticed, the ribbing on condoms?) And it does help to kill off the retarded stigma that only ugly old maids or lesbians use vibrators. So this is progress! We haven't necessarily arrived, but we're cumming.*

*I actually just plagiarized myself there.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzmmmmmmmmm ... oh ... oh ... oh ... oh ... [NY Observer]

Hello Kitty "Vibrator" Makes A Comeback; But Will It Make You Come?

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 13:30:00 EST

About 10 years ago, a licensee created a Hello Kitty shoulder massager that eventually made its way into sex toy shops — as most "massagers" do — like Babeland, where it became a bestseller. A few years later, the item was discontinued, but yesterday, the New York Times reported that Sanrio has reintroduced the product as a "health-care product," although there are plans to sell it in the U.S. again because, as VP of marketing for Sanrio's American division says: "shoulder massagers are not a popular category with Americans."

I was given the Hello Kitty "massager" as a gift when it was still sold in the U.S., and lemme just put it this way: It's not the kind of gift that keeps on giving. In fact, as a vibrator, it sucked. [Agreed. -Ed.]

Yeah, it's cute, and definitely a collector's item for Hello Kitty enthusiasts (are you listening, Mariah?), but those counting on using the kitty on their pussies will be sorely disappointed. And I do mean sore. Those hard plastic ears? If you're not careful, they'll bruise you all up down there. Also, the actual vibration is crappy. I'd have more success with the vibrate feature on my cell phone.

Is Hello Kitty Turning Feral? [NY Times]

Procter & Gamble Loves Clean Teeth, Hates Dirty Thoughts

Tracie — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 11:18:43 EDT

Procter & Gamble, the company that PETA and Earth Crisis audience members love to hate, has recently issued a 66-page legal letter to British sex toy company Love Honey, demanding that Love Honey stop incorporating Braun and Oral B electric toothbrushes into its products, such as the Brush Bunny Electric Toothbrush Rabbit Vibrator [pictured]. Lawyers for the company state in the letter that P&G doesn't want its trademark linked with such products. Uh, did P&G honestly think that the pleasure potential of their products never crossed anyone's mind? We guess the company wants its association with rabbits limited to more family-friendly pursuits. Like, you know, testing and torture!

P&G Announces Ban on Sex Toys [CNN]