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posts about #babyplanners more →
The Baby Planners Are "A Victory For All Of Us"
| posts about #babyplanners more → |
The Baby Planners Are "A Victory For All Of Us" |
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12/03/09
12/03/09
He's been doing the research, picking out strollers and carseats, assembling the baby furniture, decorating the nursery, going to Lamaze class with me, and talking to other parents we know for advice. The baby is totally real to me because it is inside of my body, but this is a way for both of us to feel more connected and prepared. I think if I let someone else do it for us, I would get antsy.
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I think the prenatal planning stage is the best time to start involving the father-to-be, as well as the mother-to-be, assuming those are the parents, that is. Everyone should pitch in.
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Also, cutest baby ever!
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I can sort of understand this idea, and I like this idea that women don't have to just tough it out on their own because if they ask questions OMG Bad Mother! But I hope like heck my mom is still around if and when I have a kid. And she'd be awesome at helping me, because she's already awesome with her "grandkitties" and with telling me it doesn't matter if I don't want kids anytime soon. Or ever.
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Well, I would've found it helpful, but that's because I had no positive model from childhood and was acquainted with no people who have parented other people with whom I could communicate IRL. The few people I tried to talk to acted like I was an alien idiot, and it's hard to say "I was unmothered, I have no model and no family, no female friends with kids, and actually had no idea that they came around to the bed in the hospital to make newborn pictures so I had no checkbook, and also didn't know I was supposed to have a pediatrician lined up before the birth, because the things that apparently are *obvious* are the things the internet does not tell you." A service that would've provided info and that I could've asked and just gotten a goddamn straight answer with no weird looks would've been awesome.
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The article shows a silly side of this notion, but it still shows it and I'll take what I can get.
12/03/09
Exhausting.
Donald Winnicott, an old-timey child psychoanalyst, talked about the "good enough mother", someone who loves her child, is attune to it physically and emotionally, but doesn't - can't! - satisfy all of its needs immediately and completely. It gives baby room to adapt and grow and manage its emotions, and the occasional failures facilitate transition to the external world.
I see a link between the "perfect mom" of Winnicott's time and the "supermom" today. He felt that a perfect mom, who met her baby's needs constantly and immediately, didn't give the baby space to grow, and subjects herself to unnecessary anxiety and guilt.
I wonder if the supermom movement is a corollary - the fear of not giving the child the very best (most expensive?) of everything (toys, opportunities, education, carseats, nannies) is a way of managing our own anxieties but loses sight of being just "good enough" - that is, giving the child space and opportunity to grow and adapt. So the stroller is less comfortable, or the nursery isn't top of the line, or sometimes the baby is banging on a pot instead of watching Baby Einstein. As long as the baby is safe and loved, that's enough.
12/03/09
But I feel a lot guiltier when my son is watching Baby Einstein (or at our house, Sesame Street), than banging on a pot :-) What the hell kind of mother lets a 2-year-old watch TV?
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But that's just an aside.
I once commented to a friend of mine that instead of buying a $900 stroller, I would buy something the entire family could use, and for longer. I was told off, the woman saying, "Oh no! I LOVE to spend money on the kids! I hate spending money on myself! I think they should be the ones with the best, don't you think?"
Sigh. Buy stock in Bugaboo.
12/04/09
It's too bad about Sesame St. I used to enjoy watching it with my kids. Some of my favorite segments were one with Robin Williams explaining why a shoe is not a living thing and another with various celebrities of the day singing Put Down the Duckie.
I agree about books and museums. Even if you work you have to make the time. We went (still do even in high school) to museums on weekends along with many other families. Cheap, educational and fun family time in our experience.
12/04/09
12/03/09
See? It's possible to outsource your entire life!
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"You're too busy to coordinate all your coordinators. Let us handle the details you don't have time for (Which, face it, is all of the decisions you'll ever have to make. Who has time for independent thought?) We will find you the top-knotch planners for every important stage of your life (We call them 'categories'.) Remember our motto: 'Cradle to Grave': We Got It Covered."
Run with that baby. We'll make a million.
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Best,
w's jtcc
12/03/09
Oh really? I managed 18 years ago to bear a child, work full time and continue to pump and nurse until her first birthday. I really don't know if I'm offended or amused. What mothers in this country NEED is protected mandatory maternity leave and affordable child care. Take your thousand dollar stroller and shove it- my kids are turning out just fine without all that crap in their infancy.
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12/03/09
I thought - YES! People who plan to have children when the time is right for them ARE a victory for all of us!
Then I read the article. I haz a sad now.
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The actual idea of baby planner, I don't like so much.
12/03/09
Generalizations!
12/03/09
I like doing it so much that I'll research stuff I have no intention of buying. Ever.
12/03/09