If, like us, you've been following the heartbreaking saga of the Kehoe twins, the detailed piece in the New York Times on the murky politics of surrogacy will reconfirm what you already knew: the issue is a mess. This case might be called the ultimate test, involving as it does as many variables as possible. But it brings to the fore issues that affect many surrogacy cases. Because unlike adoption, surrogacy is largely unregulated. And in a case like this, where no one party is biologically related to the babies, lawmakers are basically making it up as they go along, state by state. Explains the Times,

Instead, surrogacy is controlled mainly by fertility doctors, who determine which arrangements are carried out and also earn money by performing the procedures. And while some agencies that coordinate surrogacies and some clinics that carry them out strictly adhere to guidelines, others do not, the interviews and records show... Between brokers, legal and medical expenses and surrogate fees, a successful surrogacy can cost prospective parents $80,000 to $120,000. About an estimated 100 agencies advertise themselves as surrogacy brokers.

For instance, in the case of the Kehoes, psychological screening was "recommended" but not required. Sound problematic? It is.

On Tuesday, July 28, the babies were born by Caesarean section. The following Monday, in court in Ann Arbor, Ms. Baker said she first learned of Ms. Kehoe's psychiatric history...During a hearing to transfer guardianship to the Kehoes, Scott Kehoe said his wife had paranoid schizophrenia. Ms. Kehoe's psychiatrist listed the diagnosis as a "psychotic disorder not otherwise specified." Ms. Kehoe takes an antipsychotic to control her symptoms. Before her diagnosis in 2001, Ms. Kehoe told the judge, she had self-medicated, and that was the reason for her arrest on charges of cocaine use and driving under the influence. Adoption experts said that mental illness was not a bar to adoption if the illness was under control and the patient went to doctor's appointments and took medications. And Ms. Kehoe's psychiatrist wrote a letter saying she would be a good mother because her disease had been fully controlled for eight years and she currently had no symptoms.

Laschell Baker, who carried the twins, has reclaimed them and, with her husband, is raising them as her own. After a prolonged legal struggle, the Kehoes have relinquished the fight. The Bakers, however, have faced tremendous fallout in the surrogate community, much of which condemns their actions. Fired back Baker on Surromomsonline.com,

My reasons for wanting to take them back were purely that I was not comfortable that she has a pscyological disorder, thats my reason. I never knew about the other issues either including the legal stuff, but that was not my reason at all. If i would have known up front about the medical disorder up front I never would have felt comforable working with them. Not making judgement I'm glad she is working on changing her life, however I did not want to release the babies in their forever care and never know if something ever went wrong. I was totally ready to go through with everything untill I found out this important issue. We did not use an agency. Funny that so many of the surrogates take sides so quickly when not everything is out about the story. I will not STOOP to their level and air ALL THE DIRT and things I and my family have delbt with during th

"He was a bit skittish at first and didn't want to come out of his cage. But soon, we found apple treats. Appluh snack thaz whah we like bluhhhh bluhh":

Little Lost Pony "Like a Giant Dog" [The Awl]

Recently we linked to a CNN article in which a mom discussed her preference for a boy over a girl baby. Now Tori Spelling is admitting to the same feelings, prior to giving birth to daughter Stella, now a year old. The product of a famously contentious relationship with her own mom, Candi, Spelling apparently worried about replicating the dynamic. "How was I going to handle a girl?" She asks in Cookie.

Of course, now that the daughters exist, both moms have come around, presumably appreciating the differences - and, more to the point, appreciating them as individuals rather than simply defined by their sex. But soon enough, apparently, that sort of journey won't be necessary. Says Babble,

Now, according to a Swedish medical ruling, if a mother or couple discover the gender of their baby and decide "that's what we were hoping for" they can get an abortion on that basis

It seems sad to think that people like Wilson or Spelling who take advantage of this won't get the chance to challenge their assumptions and maybe have something unexpected and wonderful happen - and what's with no one wanting girls? (Selective pregnancy for boys is, after all, chillingly familiar.) Then too, this seems like a very slippery slope: what of those who want to isolate the "gay" gene to guarantee heterosexual offspring?

On the other hand, perhaps any parent who is that single-mindedly eager for a son or daughter might let the disappointment (?) color a child's life, and if that's the only way they feel capable of parenting well, then...But: there's so much chance in having a child at all that the sex is surely almost the least of it! Having children seems to be largely about giving yourself over to a loss of control: to love, to fear, to the unexpected. Control is futile - isn't that the tragedy and the beauty of giving birth to another human being? - and any parent is going to learn that soon enough. Sex would seem like a good place to start.

Don't like Your Baby's Gender? Sweden Rules 'Gender-Based' Abortion Legal [Babble]
Tori Spelling Was Worried About Raising a Girl [Cookie]
Earlier: This Mom: Brave Enough To Admit She Wanted A Boy, Not A Girl

In a survey by the Down Syndrome Association, 35% of parents who chose to have babies with Down's thought that the world had become a better place for children like theirs. Anecdotal evidence from parents seems to bear this out. Carol Boys, CEO of the Down's Syndrome Association, says,

When I and others had our babies it was a very different world – those with Down's syndrome were treated very differently. Now there is much greater inclusion and acceptance, with mainstream education having a huge role. We think this plays a part in the decisions parents make – there's even been a baby with Down's syndrome on EastEnders [a popular British soap].

And there's now a baby with the syndrome in the Details "Power 40" — Trig Palin, who, along with his brothers stands for "two (or three, depending on whom you believe) generations of the American male." (When he grows up, though, Trig may be less than happy with Details's description of him as "pro-life billboard and helpless justification for knowing absolutely nothing about foreign policy.")

However, some imply that it's not just easier to have a child with Down's these days — it's harder not to have one. Dominic Lawson says,

While people might understand a parent saying they are too young to have a child it's becoming much less acceptable for mothers who might be having a baby later in life to say 'I want a child but not this one'.

It's great that public perception and support of people with Down syndrome is improving, and that more people understand that, as parent Frances Dine says, the syndrome "doesn't need to hold you back." Families who choose to raise kids with Down's deserve all the help they need so that their kids can lead full and happy lives. But do those who don't make this choice really deserve censure? It's easier to slap something with the eugenics label, as Lawson does, than to consider all the individual ramifications of raising a special needs child. Not every woman, not every family, has the financial or personal means to care for a kid with Down's. Lawson's words contain a glimmer of prejudice — women who have babies "later in life" still face stigma. But their choices are just as valid as anyone's, and a prenatal diagnosis of Down's isn't some kind of moral test to be passed or failed. It's information that women should use to determine what to do next — information that is hopefully more positive than it once was.

Down's Syndrome: Parents Think Again [Independent]
Are We Really More Accepting Of Down's Syndrome? [Guardian]
Many Keeping Babies With Down's [BBC]
'I Can't Imagine Her Any Other Way' [BBC]
Parents Who Give Up Their Down's Syndrome Children [Times Online]
The Power 40 [Details]

Says film producer Laylee Olfat: "A conversation stops when it comes out that I don't have kids or plan to have kids. So I have found other ways to authentically open doors. I relate to their stories or offer to hang out with their kids." Okay, fair enough. For years women have had to try and "man up" to compete in Tinseltown; now powermoms get to exclude the childless. Except the paper actually prints these words:

But the ultimate nod to the potency of the mama mafia is that guys are now lining up to kiss the ring. Just as women once practiced putting to hit the links with male clients, dads are quick to bring up organic diapers and car seat recalls during meetings.

Yeah, it's not really cool unless men are doing it, too.

Hollywood's Mommy Mafia [LA Times]