Bible-Toting High School Cheerleaders Continue Futile Quest to Get God to Care About Football

Cheerleaders at one Texas high school have fought tooth, nail, and poms to hold signs containing scripture verses at football games, despite a statewide ban on the practice. Yesterday, their prayers were answered when a judge granted them the right to literally tote the Bible around on the sidelines. B-E! R-E-G!… »9/25/12 1:05pm9/25/12 1:05pm

Values Voters Would Love it if Ladies Could Refrain From Dressing Like Whores

In case you're wondering why your guy who normally sells you ecstasy is plum out of pills, here's why: it's Values Voters Summit time. And at the Value Voters Summit, they've been handing out some helpful pamphlets about how ladies should maybe consider dressing less slutty, lest they drive men to madness with… »9/14/12 5:30pm9/14/12 5:30pm

The Right-Wing Evangelical ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ for Isaac’s Potential Targets

The cloud conglomerate known as Isaac is twist and shouting its way into the superheated waters of the Gulf of Mexico, the very same place that an ornery Old Testament god passed damning judgment on the lizard-people he'd created before people, some 6,550 years ago. It's no coincidence that Isaac will strike the very… »8/27/12 12:50pm8/27/12 12:50pm

National Organization for Marriage Unmoved by Infographic of the Bible’s Many Awful Marriage Possibilities

An infographic purporting to show the bible's actual nightmarish definition of marriage in the years when people still thought the sun was either the poison bump on the back of an enormous gila monster or an egg yolk that could end famine has been steadily canvassing the internet, yet has somehow failed to dissuade… »8/07/12 12:00pm8/07/12 12:00pm

Jeff Foxworthy’s New Bible Trivia Show Features Comically Oversized Bibles

Before we start worrying about what Jeff Foxworthy's new biblical trivia show means for the future of Inherit the Wind viewings in this country, let's all take a moment to snicker at the outrageously HUGE bibles that contestants will be pouring over. I mean, it's just silly looking. All judgment aside, — and there's… »7/17/12 11:15pm7/17/12 11:15pm

Wait, Now You Can Get Kicked Out of College for Watching Glee?

Conservative Christian Bob Jones University is not a place for mincing namby pamby liberals with a dancing, prancing agenda. As such, students at the school are expected to adhere to a strict code of conduct and keep their minds unpolluted by the filth of pop culture sin, and if they don't keep up with the school's… »4/27/12 11:20am4/27/12 11:20am

The Bible Says Teachers Don't Deserve Decent Salaries, According to One Horrible Politician

If you thought that God had never really given much thought to teacher's salaries, you'd be wrong. At least according to Shadrack McGill, a Republican state senator from Alabama. He spoke at a prayer breakfast recently where he passed along some very interesting wisdom from God regarding what teachers should be paid.… »2/02/12 10:50pm2/02/12 10:50pm

Concerned Voter Wants to Know if Newt Gingrich will Legalize Polygamy

Smirking blowhard Newt Gingrich has been threatening to run for President for decades now, and this year, he's closer than he's ever been to following through on that threat. But as the Iowa caucuses approach like a thundering herd of angry ex wives, it's been difficult for evangelicals to wrap their heads around how… »12/29/11 3:35pm12/29/11 3:35pm