Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, for at last, all 66 books of the King James Version of the bible have been translated into emojis. Which philosopher was it who said that the dumbest ideas are also the most inevitable? I think maybe Kanye? Anyway:
Hello. It’s God.
Donald Trump, decomposing ear of corn and Republican presidential frontrunner, has been all over town, telling anyone who will listen that his favorite book is the Bible, followed very closely by The Art of the Deal.
If all you’ve ever wanted in life is a version of the Bible that swaps out all mentions of “God” with “Kanye West,” then you’re in luck. There’s one on Etsy.
Two people in a far-away land called "southwest Ohio" attempted to smuggle a heroin-laced Bible into the county jail. A seemingly brilliant criminal plan, yet their plan was foiled by a brave drug-sniffing dog. The heroic dog noticed that the Bible did not emanate its usual, sweet scent of holiness. Rather it reeked…
Thank the Lawd! Cheerleaders of a Texan High School just won a hard-fought battle against sinners: a judge has ruled that the cheerleaders can temporarily continue their official game ritual and hold their Bible banners up. Yay, it's religious freedom.
Cheerleaders at one Texas high school have fought tooth, nail, and poms to hold signs containing scripture verses at football games, despite a statewide ban on the practice. Yesterday, their prayers were answered when a judge granted them the right to literally tote the Bible around on the sidelines. B-E! R-E-G!…
In case you're wondering why your guy who normally sells you ecstasy is plum out of pills, here's why: it's Values Voters Summit time. And at the Value Voters Summit, they've been handing out some helpful pamphlets about how ladies should maybe consider dressing less slutty, lest they drive men to madness with…
The cloud conglomerate known as Isaac is twist and shouting its way into the superheated waters of the Gulf of Mexico, the very same place that an ornery Old Testament god passed damning judgment on the lizard-people he'd created before people, some 6,550 years ago. It's no coincidence that Isaac will strike the very…
An infographic purporting to show the bible's actual nightmarish definition of marriage in the years when people still thought the sun was either the poison bump on the back of an enormous gila monster or an egg yolk that could end famine has been steadily canvassing the internet, yet has somehow failed to dissuade…
Before we start worrying about what Jeff Foxworthy's new biblical trivia show means for the future of Inherit the Wind viewings in this country, let's all take a moment to snicker at the outrageously HUGE bibles that contestants will be pouring over. I mean, it's just silly looking. All judgment aside, — and there's…
Conservative Christian Bob Jones University is not a place for mincing namby pamby liberals with a dancing, prancing agenda. As such, students at the school are expected to adhere to a strict code of conduct and keep their minds unpolluted by the filth of pop culture sin, and if they don't keep up with the school's…
If you thought that God had never really given much thought to teacher's salaries, you'd be wrong. At least according to Shadrack McGill, a Republican state senator from Alabama. He spoke at a prayer breakfast recently where he passed along some very interesting wisdom from God regarding what teachers should be paid.…
Smirking blowhard Newt Gingrich has been threatening to run for President for decades now, and this year, he's closer than he's ever been to following through on that threat. But as the Iowa caucuses approach like a thundering herd of angry ex wives, it's been difficult for evangelicals to wrap their heads around how…
"I had to choose between my job and my god," Barker town clerk Laura Fotusky told Politico. In her resignation letter, she wrote, "The Bible clearly teaches that God created marriage between male and female as a divine gift that preserves families and cultures." We recommend the above flow chart for further reference…
In this week's reading, the role of God will be played by Jeff Bridges, the role of Virgin Mary by Olivia Wilde, and the role of someone pissed they wasted fifteen bucks to see it will be played by you.
In 2005, Zondervan released an edition of the New International Version of the Bible that included language acknowledging the existence of women. Disgraceful! Evangelicals got mad and condemned the book, so Zondervan's put the "men" and "mankind" back in.
The ladies were trying to give the meth-filled Holy Book to a man in prison. The dude's been jailed since October… for drug-related crimes. Maybe he was confused about the concept of "higher" power? [SF Gate]
According to Biblical scholars, Eve may have come not from Adam's "rib bone" but from his boner, and Joseph may have sworn an oath by grabbing Jacob's balls. The Holy Bible: the next banned book? [KTB, via Utne]
The description for God's Little Princess Devotional Bible reads: "Girls long to be loved and adored, and give their heart to their hero." CaitieCat of Shakesville replies: "I have no words and I must scream." Well, I have words:
