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posts about #awkwardconversations more →
Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
| posts about #awkwardconversations more → |
Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment |
01/08/09
01/08/09
I hate small talk and will often say things like "Lot of weather we're having!"...or just say nothing until it's awkward...and then say "Well this is awkward!"...stuff like that makes me feel good because I can totally say that this is bullshit (small talk) AND break the ice with people...
as for complements...I don't give them much and don't recieve them much, which is fine...I honestly would think a little less of someone if they complemented something I was wearing, because a) I don't care and b) I dress badly so there isn't anything to complement.
percieved social obligations are interesting - and pretty creepy given what people are willing to put themselves through to meet them.
01/07/09
01/07/09
If you like something about them, let them know.
I hate the dishonesty that is apparent in these situations when people feel pressured to give false compliments back.
But really, the appropriate response seems glaringly apparent, no?!
01/07/09
I guess I'd come up with a standard... Like: "Thanks! I was so nervous..." and then run off.
On some level, I think the bartender "had your back" and was either letting you know you were "all set" - or she was in awe and just couldn't keep her mouth shut.
Hmmm. I never have this problem.
01/07/09
01/07/09
And if someone tells me "thank you so much for doing x and y today. You are so amazing" or anything like that at work, I always say "I know, right? I'm awesome."
But don't take advice from me.
01/07/09
I am constantly complimenting strangers on their style. Sometimes, I see someone so stunning and put together that I have to stop and choose what aspect of their appearance to compliment because blurting out "you're gorgeous" might sound kind of crazy. And I definitely compliment my male friends too (I tell them when their ties are ugly. Why not the opposite?).
01/07/09
01/07/09
"Thank you. That's means a lot coming from you."
01/07/09
As for ladies running themselves down... all I can say is I have a friend who does this, and it is just understood between the two of us that I'm meant to tell her she's crazy and follow it up with something about how great she looks.
Truly, it takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world.
01/08/09
01/07/09
"Wow, I could never pull that off!"
Uh, thanks? Because you think I can? Or you just think I'm brave for trying?
01/07/09
So IMO, you then get to interpret it the way you want.
(But then again, I have been told I'm opportunistic like that. :D)
01/07/09
example:
her: fat girls cant go to the beach but its my friends birthday so i'm going to make a beach costume so that i can go but not be in a bathing suit.
me:(errr...cool idea?)
01/07/09
01/07/09
Because our culture so actively encourages this crap, and you don't necessarily know -- or maybe sometimes you do -- how many times a week she reads US magazine with its covers shouting "LOSE WEIGHT" or how much abuse she gets from her family or BF for being "the dumpy one."
But then, I've been told I am confrontational like that.
01/07/09
I'm not extroverted, I'm not a people-person, I don't even have a small posse of like-minded misanthropes to chill with anymore ever since I moved to a new city a while back. So it's not like it's easy for me. But I think it's important. That thing where a lot lot lot of women automatically assume themselves to be in competition with one another leads to like this "she's probably judging me so I'm going to judge her" default positioning and it's pretty fucking toxic if you think about it.
So I make a really conscious effort to actually SAY IT if I catch myself having a rando complimentary thought about a female stranger. What they say back isn't important; I'm probably not hearing it 'cause I'm too busy trying not to faint/melt/die of embarrassment.
01/07/09
Also, I totes feel you on the lack of misanthropic posse. I hate Galveston.
01/07/09