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Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment

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The HZA.
01/08/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
My standard response is "ahw, thanks kitten." It seems to work well enough if a male or female compliments me. But even then, I still suck at accepting a compliment on some days.
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goldfarb
01/08/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
late to the post...it's interesting...

I hate small talk and will often say things like "Lot of weather we're having!"...or just say nothing until it's awkward...and then say "Well this is awkward!"...stuff like that makes me feel good because I can totally say that this is bullshit (small talk) AND break the ice with people...

as for complements...I don't give them much and don't recieve them much, which is fine...I honestly would think a little less of someone if they complemented something I was wearing, because a) I don't care and b) I dress badly so there isn't anything to complement.

percieved social obligations are interesting - and pretty creepy given what people are willing to put themselves through to meet them.
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Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Okay...I'm so late to the game, but these are my rules. I once struggled with compliments and how to take them appropriately. However, I came to the conclusion that compliments are not bargaining chips; they do not have to be returned or counterbalanced. Say, "Thank you, that's very kind of you" and finish it off with a big, appreciative smile. And never, ever insult yourself. If someone compliments your hair, don't complain about how it's "so flat" or "so unmanageable". You would not sucker punch yourself in a street fight, so don't go insulting yourself or downplaying your attractiveness to appear charmingly self-deprecating. Just say, "thank-you".
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Pocahaunted
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Uh, someone compliments you and you say thankyou. It's not that hard!

If you like something about them, let them know.

I hate the dishonesty that is apparent in these situations when people feel pressured to give false compliments back.

But really, the appropriate response seems glaringly apparent, no?!
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Jack_Burton
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Aren't you a model? Isn't this kinda an occupational hazard?

I guess I'd come up with a standard... Like: "Thanks! I was so nervous..." and then run off.

On some level, I think the bartender "had your back" and was either letting you know you were "all set" - or she was in awe and just couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Hmmm. I never have this problem.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
ooo. Not good at accepting random compliments from strangers. A lady at Starbux this morning said, "I like your boots! They're fun." (Fun? Que? Aaanyway.) It's raining like a mo and I'm wearing my Hunter wellies today, fyi. So I say "Thanks! They're...practical!" And then I turn my attention back to pouring milk in my cawffy. Other times, someone will compliment an item of my clothing, and instead of saying thanks, I'll just sort of yell out it's origin and what I paid for it. 99.9% of the time it sounds like this: "H and M! Twelve-ninety!" Yeah, I'm not able to accept compliments gracefully. Unless shouting is considered graceful.
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HereComesMyBaby
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
When people give me a "I like your ____"-type compliment, I always say "I like your face" back.

And if someone tells me "thank you so much for doing x and y today. You are so amazing" or anything like that at work, I always say "I know, right? I'm awesome."

But don't take advice from me.
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thesciencegirl
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
When someone compliments me, I respond by telling her what a bargain my shoes/earrings/dress were. So, my usual response to compliments is something like, "Thanks! I got them at Payless for $6 3 years ago!" And then we gab about bargains.

I am constantly complimenting strangers on their style. Sometimes, I see someone so stunning and put together that I have to stop and choose what aspect of their appearance to compliment because blurting out "you're gorgeous" might sound kind of crazy. And I definitely compliment my male friends too (I tell them when their ties are ugly. Why not the opposite?).
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rollergirl76
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
I can only accomplish this after a few drinks. I despise small talk, especially at a work-related event. Also, I've crossed the street before when I recognized somebody I knew from high school, and I didn't want to have to "stop and chat". I'm like the female version of Larry David.
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gobblegirl
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Repeat after me:

"Thank you. That's means a lot coming from you."
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eidolem
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
I compliment people basically all the time, men and women, and mainly they just thank me. I don't think it's because I'm too gross for a reciprocal compliment. (Not every time, surely!) I think it's not required, is all.

As for ladies running themselves down... all I can say is I have a friend who does this, and it is just understood between the two of us that I'm meant to tell her she's crazy and follow it up with something about how great she looks.

Truly, it takes diff'rent strokes to rule the world.
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FourInchHeels
01/08/09

@eidolem: Clare116 is right. Don't give in! Be strong, and eventually she'll quit.
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SniperAndAPastryChef
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Okay, this brings up a related issue, which is, how do you respond to the passive-agressive non-compliment, which often takes the form of:

"Wow, I could never pull that off!"

Uh, thanks? Because you think I can? Or you just think I'm brave for trying?
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
01/07/09

@SniperAndAPastryChef: Well, you don't necessarily know.

So IMO, you then get to interpret it the way you want.

(But then again, I have been told I'm opportunistic like that. :D)
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IceRoadHooker
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
On the flipside, how do you react when an overweight person is talking about herself in a way that assumes you also believe she is as disgusting as she believes herself to be?

example:

her: fat girls cant go to the beach but its my friends birthday so i'm going to make a beach costume so that i can go but not be in a bathing suit.

me:(errr...cool idea?)
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prestocaro fears the culling
01/07/09

@IceRoadHooker: ugh I hate that. I come from a family of self-depricators and know this pattern well. I usually say "Oh, don't sell yourself short!" but honestly, I don't know how it feels. I've never been overweight. I love going to the beach. I live down the street from a beach, for crying out loud.
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Rooo sez BISH PLZ
01/07/09

@IceRoadHooker: Depending on how close a friend, the mood of the environment, what kind of conversation I think she's up to/I'm trying to stay out of, etc. (and also having been That Girl at an earlier P.O.T. - sorry, Jezzies) I've been known to say anything from "Erm, what?" to "I don't know if you hear yourself. Do you honestly think I think you're as disgusting as you sound like you believe yourself to be?"

Because our culture so actively encourages this crap, and you don't necessarily know -- or maybe sometimes you do -- how many times a week she reads US magazine with its covers shouting "LOSE WEIGHT" or how much abuse she gets from her family or BF for being "the dumpy one."

But then, I've been told I am confrontational like that.
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Sapphir3blu3
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
Here is my tiny way of trying to make the world a better place in which to be a woman: I try to dish out compliments to random ladies.

I'm not extroverted, I'm not a people-person, I don't even have a small posse of like-minded misanthropes to chill with anymore ever since I moved to a new city a while back. So it's not like it's easy for me. But I think it's important. That thing where a lot lot lot of women automatically assume themselves to be in competition with one another leads to like this "she's probably judging me so I'm going to judge her" default positioning and it's pretty fucking toxic if you think about it.

So I make a really conscious effort to actually SAY IT if I catch myself having a rando complimentary thought about a female stranger. What they say back isn't important; I'm probably not hearing it 'cause I'm too busy trying not to faint/melt/die of embarrassment.
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prestocaro fears the culling
01/07/09

@Sapphir3blu3: Yes! I do this, too! I compliment people all day long, I swear. When I was waiting tables, I'd compliment people who weren't even in my section. It makes both parties feel good.

Also, I totes feel you on the lack of misanthropic posse. I hate Galveston.
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roodles
01/07/09

In reply to Hello, My Name Is Awkward, And I Cannot Return Your Compliment
I have to say that I'm an awesome compliment-er. I make it a point to always say so when I like my friends outfits or hair or something. so many of us have self image/esteem issues, we might as well give each other a boost when we can!
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