Kate Upton's Curs'ed Boobs Are Bringing Sports Stars to Ruin

Gather round, wee ones, for the most fearsome legend of our time. Great men have fallen to its power, and many more will continue to fall. For its charms are impossible to resist. I'm speaking, of course, of the fearsome legend of Kate Upton's curs'ed boobs. Or vagina. Or something. Either way, Kate Upton is fucking… » 6/18/14 4:30pm 6/18/14 4:30pm

What to Do When Your Rapist Is a Varsity Athlete

Their first interaction was him complimenting her watch. Then he began snapchatting her, texting her. It wasn't until he began following her on Instagram that she realized that he was a senior on her school's NCAA division 1 basketball team. And it wasn't until he raped her on the night before Easter that she realized… » 6/17/14 2:20pm 6/17/14 2:20pm

The Hottest Lists of Hot World Cup Players: A List

Did you know that the World Cup is full of hotties? Because it is full of hotties, as evidenced by the almost epidemic boom from zero to ubiquity of the Hot World Cup Player List, as put out by every single outlet in America. As a public service, we've put together the definitive list of definitive lists of hot World… » 6/16/14 4:00pm 6/16/14 4:00pm

Calling Darren Sharper 'Too Sexy' to Rape Is Goddamn Ridiculous

Earlier this week, Tempe, Arizona police released documents that detail even more rape allegations against former NFL star Darren Sharper, who today will appear in court to face rape charges stemming from separate incidents in Los Angeles. In total, Sharper's alleged to have drugged 11 people and raped 7 women across… » 2/20/14 1:45pm 2/20/14 1:45pm

Sage Kotsenburg Isn't the Lochte We Want. He's the Lochte We Deserve.

The 70's had Mark Spitz, the 80's had Bruce Jenner and Carl Lewis, the 90's had Alberto Tomba, the 2000's had the Australian swim team and Apolo Ohno, and in 2012, the Olympic gods blessed us with Ryan Lochte. But pickings for the Sochi Games' Unofficial Sexy Male Olympian are decidedly more meh. In a post-Lochte era,… » 2/12/14 2:16pm 2/12/14 2:16pm

Sochi Makes Terrifying Police Less Scary With Fab Purple Uniforms

Because the International Olympic Committee made the mistake of awarding the 2014 Winter Olympics to a Jason Bourne movie subplot, an extraordinary amount effort and resources have been expended to keep athletes and fans at the Sochi Games safe. That means the place is teeming with burly Russian cops, a sight which… » 2/10/14 11:20am 2/10/14 11:20am

Every Single One Of These Olympic Mom Ads Made Me Cry

In the ramp up to the 2014 Sochi Olympics, we can anticipate an influx of emotionally manipulative schmaltz designed to sell product, but this series of ads by Proctor & Gamble has somehow managed to overcome all of my anti-schmaltz defense mechanisms and made me cry like a toddler who just experienced her first ice… » 1/07/14 1:50pm 1/07/14 1:50pm

Jameis Winston, FSU QB Accused of Rape, Named AP Player of the Year

Jameis Winston, the Florida State quarterback whose rape charges were dropped after a delayed investigation, has been named the Associated Press national athlete of the year. This newest honor joins a long litany of postseason accolades — including the Heisman, the Walter Camp national player of the year, the Davey… » 12/24/13 3:20pm 12/24/13 3:20pm

The Insane, Wonderful, Totally 2013 World of Celebrity Cheerleaders

The Internet — surely you've heard of it. It's that magical place where mostly-ordinary people become famous in the most absurd of ways. Case in point: high school cheerleaders who just happen to be so Instagram-famous that they have their own fan bases, haters, and scandals. Otherwise known as — I kid you not —… » 12/21/13 2:45pm 12/21/13 2:45pm

Colleges Are Doing A Shitty Job Of Hiring Female Coaches

Over the past 40 years, Title IX has given college women incredible opportunities to participate in organized sports. But curiously/depressingly, as the number of women's teams — and, by extension, opportunity to coach those teams — has grown, the number of female coaches hired continues to shrink. American… » 12/20/13 1:15pm 12/20/13 1:15pm

Korean Mean Girls Demand Top Women's Soccer Player Take Gender Test

South Korean ladies' soccer dynamo Park Eun-Seon is good at her sport. Real good. Like, man good. At least, according to a cabal of her fellow women's soccer league players, who have threatened to stop playing unless the league subjects Park to a humiliating gender test and releases the results to the public. » 11/08/13 3:10pm 11/08/13 3:10pm

Jock Culture Isn't Rape Culture When Women Are Playing Sports

Lizzy Seeberg, Daisy Coleman, the Steubenville rape victim — all three young women were targeted by young men who had two things in common: they felt entitled to the bodies of women regardless of whether the women consented to sexual contact, and all were athletes. But a similar attitude about having a sexual "right"… » 10/28/13 4:48pm 10/28/13 4:48pm

Some Jerks Think Diana Nyad Faked Her Amazing Cuba-To-Florida Swim

Before the salt water had even evaporated from superhuman Diana Nyad's magical swim cap, other people in the long distance swimming community were all lined up with their suspiciously sour grapes-y doubts that maybe the 64-year-old had somehow faked part of her inspiring swim from Cuba to Florida. And they've got… » 9/09/13 6:20pm 9/09/13 6:20pm

Out Of Control Boobs Are Keeping Female Athletes Down

Breasts: are they more trouble than they're worth? No — that's a rhetorical question so ridiculous that it shouldn't have even been asked in jest, and I apologize. But while knockers are a mammalian necessity, when it comes to athletics, they're often in the way, and they might even slow us down. What's a titslinger… » 7/10/13 7:10pm 7/10/13 7:10pm

Really, Really Long Bouts of Exercise May Be Bad for You

You’ve heard exercise can be good for you, but can it also be bad for you? Maybe! But before you set about burning your running shoes and letting the sweet, delicious smell of synthetic fabrics massage your brain into a semi-psychotropic state of euphoria, you ought to consider the caveat to this apparent win for… » 5/27/13 4:00pm 5/27/13 4:00pm