Now that Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially engaged, noted astrologer Susan Miller has weighed in on the royal romance via Twitter. Good news! And, um, bad news.

Apparently, it is (though not for too much longer). And apparently, that's supposed to explain a lot. But what, exactly, does it mean? And should it carry more or less weight than any astrological happening?

A new poll shows more than 20% of Americans believe in witches — but we can't judge, because we believe in some weird shit too.

Personal Astrology Profile for Eugene Draper
Birth Date and Time..... June 21, 1963 4:56 AM
Birth Location.............. Tarrytown, New York

Welcome, dear friends, to your Jezebel Horoscope for September, 2009. I've enlisted the help of completely phony and unreliable astrologist, Eloise McBean, to help us look to the stars to determine just what lies ahead of us this September.

Auto Trader has found that male Aquarians get into more accidents than any other group. Also accident-prone are those born in 1981 and Ford drivers, with Fridays as the most popular day for a fender bender. Auto Trader came to these conclusions by analyzing 4,600 insurance claims; to what end is unclear. (Good driving…

In honor of its 75th anniversary the May Esquire has a big pullout feature called "75 Skills Every Man Should Master." The premise — Magazines! Lists! — is not exactly revolutionary, and the "skills," such as practicing "brand loyalty to at least one product" and "making three different bets at a craps table" are not…

Do you ever wonder, where do the weapons our Pentagon is buying to supply the Afghan counterinsurgency actually come from? Well, duh, China, but, let's start over. Meet Efraim Diveroli. He has some sort of $300 million Pentagon contract to supply ammunition to the government. He also has: never had a real job, a…

As a penance for stoning two dogs to death in his teens, an Indian man is gettin' hitched. P. Selvakumar, married a bitch (literally!) named Selvi, chosen by his family members and then dressed in a sari. According to Selvakumar, after he killed two dogs and hung their bodies from a tree, "my legs and hands got…

Astrology has a scientific basis in FACT! That's what a story in the November O: The Oprah Magazine claims anyway. Basically the way you are can maybe kind of be explained by the amount of sunlight to which you were exposed in the womb, in addition to three trillion other variables they learned about from watching…