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Ask Men Thinks You're Fat, Wants Your Boyfriend To Tell You So
New York, 11:19 AM
Sun Dec 6
22 posts in the last 24 hours
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Ask Men Thinks You're Fat, Wants Your Boyfriend To Tell You So |
Original material is licensed under a Creative Commons License permitting non-commercial sharing with attribution.
07/19/09
07/12/09
07/12/09
I just read some highlights of this story out loud to my boyfriend, who was shocked and disgusted and said "I can't believe people are actually like that."
The only time I feel comfortable with my body, at ease and happy, is with him. I can eat whatever I want and never worry about what it will make me look like. I've told him that before, and it makes him sad more than anything else. Obviously these are issues I'm working on.
The point is, ladies, don't put up with this shit. This article sounds like it was written by a man who has never really loved someone.
07/12/09
07/11/09
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07/12/09
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07/11/09
I've tried everything. I leave before and after pics around. I buy him shampoo, and hair gel, and conditioner, and comb and brush sets, so he'll get the hint that I only love him for his hair. I take him to the salon for dates, and for his birthday I'm surprising him with tickets to see HAIR on Broadway. I've even bought a wig for him to wear in the bedroom.
Why won't he regrow his hair for me?! I'm so tired of his ignoring my sexual needs!!!!
07/11/09
07/11/09
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
07/11/09
Take the average Jezebel and ask her that.
She gotta pack much back.
07/11/09
During the phone conversation the BF just said " Hey, woman, you're beautiful. Shut up about it" but I thought he was just being nice and once he actually saw the weight something in his body language would let me know he was unhappy with it.
So i get back to the U.S. He rushes to my apt to meet me. When he sees me for the first time he tackles me to the floor and starts kissing me. He grabs my (bigger than three months prior) hips and looks up at me and whispers: "it's sexy how your body's changed; i want to kiss it in different ways" and then proceeds to screw me silly.
I melted with love for him, and then teared up because in that instant I realized how much damage my dad and brothers had done to my self-esteem. Coming from a close, loving family, I think I had never been able to admit to myself how patronizing and controlling any attempts to influence a woman's weight really were--my line of reasoning was always if your loving family does something then it must be loving by default because they are, right?
That moment, and my level of gratitude for what should simply have been the expected behavior, really made me reassess my imagined amount of self-esteem. It made me able to tell my father how much his talking about my weight saddened me.
The BF and I are still together, three years later, thirty total pounds of weight gain more. He has never once done anything but say I was hot and mean it. He's never pretended not to notice I had gained weight or ignore my real distress if expensive work clothes no longer fit (which I personally could also not deal with because I would feel patronized or pussyfooted around) but he's also never assigned it any meaning, or shown that it affected his personal assessment of my attractiveness in any way, because it doesn't.
I don't think all guys that weight-shame are assholes. My father and siblings aren't. They're just misguided. I myself went through a period with my ex where I thought his bringing up my weight was a sign of maturity in a relationship--a sign that we were so comfortable and honest with each other he could tell me when I was compromising my attractiveness to him. And I think a lot of women who stay with weight-shaming men take this view of it and as such make excuses for other people's behavior. I did. It didn't occur to me at the time that the fact that even one iota of my attractiveness to my ex being based on how I looked in an old pair of jeans meant that he wasn't fully seeing me. It didn't occur to me at the time that he was inadvertently just exacerbating wounds my family had inflicted that had just scabbed over.
With my S.O. now, every pound I have gained, every new dimple of cellulite, every coat that won't close, is just a part of our journey together as a couple. It's a living map of delicious dinners, and ice-cream eaten in bed after sex, and meals we have lovingly made for each other, and the part of it that is based on my ongoing battle with the kind of depression that should have made me jump off a cliff, is just a testament in his eyes to how strong I am to still be alive and still be fighting and still be trying to make a life with him. The weight is a piece of our history together. It's a part of me, another layer of my story that he loves because he loves me.
I know i'm rambling so I'll stop but I just wanted to share this because it was such a revelation for me to realize that this was the way weight gain should work (at least for me) in the context of a relationship. Most importantly it taught me a lesson that I could extrapolate to myself and my own personal relationship with my body. My every pound is simply a sentence in my narrative. Every part of that narrative, good or bad, is mine and mine alone to want to change, and every pound acquired in the course of my journey through life is worthy of love because I am. Plain and simple.
07/11/09
07/11/09
I'm really lucky that my boyfriend is like this too. I used to hide my weight and sizes from him as much as I could (we've got a long distance thing), and then one day I screwed my eyes up and sent him a mostly unclothed shot with "This is what I really look like". What I got back was not a snide comment or a "Hm. Oh.", but rather a long talk from him about loving my body as much as he does and never needing to be concerned about my weight around him. He likes that I'm bigger, and when he heard I wanted to lose weight he was flabbergasted, but, to my joy, has been incredibly supportive even though I've actually gained weight since we had that discussion.
....and my boyfriend loves my cellulite too. He thinks it's cute, like my stretch marks. He's an odd one, but I love him, every super tall and scrawny inch of him.
07/11/09
Seriously, your man sounds great. And your relationship with your body sounds really healthy.
07/12/09
07/11/09
1. Leave a box of Summer's Eve out on his favorite copy of Maxim with a post-it that says "Just Like the Owner of this magazine"
2. Serve them a laxative pie
3. Take him somewhere with an unknown dick drawn on his face.
4. Sabotage their computer so they can't write misogynistic drivel
5. Playfully grab their nostrils and pull hard.
6. Ask him to not wear Axe to dinner .
7. Set out your own "God my AskMan is a douchebag signs."
8. Sabotage their chair.
9. Show them your new yoga pose with your foot up their ass
0. buy condoms that are too big. When they ask so, "Oh no wonder I don't feel anything!"
07/11/09
11. Give him anti douchebag clips for his birthday.
07/11/09
Or is being single telling me something?
07/11/09