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AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
The "Top 10 Things Only Men Can Do" List Is Really Only 20% Accurate
The doctor is in.
Don't ask, don't tell.

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Maulleigh
07/09/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
One lie that guys seem to tell (I've heard more than one guy say it) is:

"My ex and I were growing apart/it wasn't anything/she was more into me than I was into her."

Amazing f*cks.
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TurtleSpeak
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
This list is such bullshit for so many reasons.

Mostly because I have said 1, 4, and 5 many times and meant it.

And wtf, how can you not tell if your girlfriend came, especially if you're... inside her. Stuff... moves... and yeah, you ought to be able to feel it or, I don't know, read her body language, breathing patterns, moaning? So you shouldn't have to ask if she came... or am I the only girl who makes it very, very obvious when she's "finished"? My boyfriend never has to ask. He would also be very aware if I was unsatisfied, because I am a total bitch when I'm horny.
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TurtleSpeak
07/08/09

@TurtleSpeak: Oh and I've never bluffed about the strip club thing- he knows where I stand. Luckily he's a feminist too and hasn't enjoyed mindless objectification of women since he was 15.
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skahammer
07/09/09

@TurtleSpeak: Consider the possibility that women, even in my limited experience, exhibit this reaction in all sorts of unpredictable and occasionally undetectable ways.

In fact some women -- again in my limited experience -- are so good at fighting that response (due to inhibitions, religion, who knows?) that it might not appear to be anything recognizable at all, when it finally arrives.

If there's one thing I've learned from being with women, it's to appreciate variety. You just have to, if you ever want to move beyond the horny-teenager stage of one's life.
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veronykah
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
So I am admittedly NOT a liar, like to the point that it bites me in the ass all the time.

Ex/ Skeevy dude while I'm working at the bar "So do you have a boyfriend?"

Me "no."

Then I realize that was the perfect opportunity to LIE and I fucked it up.

I thank this askmen article for one thing...I will now use the

"I'm not ready to be in a relationship/have a boyfriend right now>" line forever.

I was recently in a situation where it would have come in handy and honestly didn't know what the fuck to say other than "I thought we were friends, and I'm not into you like that."

The not ready line is SO great. I'm all over it.
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sybann
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
And guys? If you have to ask her if she's come, then yes, she's probably lying if she says it was the "best ever."
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skahammer
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
Am I the only guy who seriously appreciates the "I'm not mad at you" lie?

When no one is really misled, and there are good reasons for not digging into the issue right here, then I'm quite happy to leave whatever it is for later, calmer discussion.

Except maybe on a long car trip. Then you pretty much have to have it out, and "I'm not mad at you" gains you nothing.
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Jack_Burton
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
The only lie I care about isn't enumerated on any list in a magazine.
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Pizza!Pizza!Pizza!
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
To be fair, 'Did you come?' is an awkward question, especially when asked in a tone that suggests they're going to pump their fist in the air if you say yes.

But if you are a guy in a relationship with a woman and don't know whether or not she is having orgasms during sex (including foreplay and afterplay), awkward questions are the least of your worries.
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TurtleSpeak
07/08/09

@HeatherNumber1: That was my exact thought- if you've been having sex for a while, you should learn one another's behaviors... Unless she's a faker, in which case, that just sucks for everyone all around.
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librariesare4lovers
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
Regarding rule #1: If I had to break it down I know WAY more passive-aggressive women than guys. I hate to admit it but that "I'm not mad" stereotype exists for a reason. But I should also point out that the passive-aggressive women that I know are like that w/ men and women to an exhaustive degree.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
1. "Of course I don't think you're pathetic."

The others are irrelevant, really. Maybe I just dated too many Nice Guys(TM) before I was married, but that was my major complaint. Plus, a nice catch-all, encompassing the orgasm questions. Believe me, if you did something that caused an orgasm, I'd gladly tell you.
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boxspelunker
07/09/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: I told a guy that he was pathetic once. He had followed me around a con and after me yelling at him to leave me alone (in my defense, I was 17), he dropped to his knees and begged me to give him a chance. I said only as friends. He took me to a shitty horror movie and dinner. I insisted on paying for myself, and he was upset.

He asked me why I had given him a chance, and I asked him if he wanted nice or honest. He chose honest, so I said he was pathetic and I felt sorry for him. I won no points that day, BUT IT FELT SO GOOD TO SAY IT.
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raymi
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
if men should be allowed to go hang with strippers then women should be allowed to hang with strange men and be slutty with them while doing it. fair is fair.
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TurtleSpeak
07/08/09

@raymi: Like, for every lap dance he receives, she gives one to a random dude at a bar? Sounds fair to me, too.
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merv
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
1. Don't have a hole of need.
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Mafalda para Presidente
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
The truth looks more something like this:

5 LIES ALL WOMEN TELL:

1. "4 inches is TOTALLY average length!"

2. "My poop doesn't smell. Really!"

3. "Oh, no, I would never burp in public. What kind of woman do you think I am?"

4. "No, thanks, I don't think I have any room left for dessert!"

5. "Your mom is lovely."
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TurtleSpeak
07/08/09

@Mafalda para Presidente: Number 4 is a lie I tell myself... he sees right through it, god damn/bless him.

He would also see right through number 5. He would think I was being sarcastic.
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inabook
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
1. If I'm mad at you, and I'm dating/fucking you, I WILL tell you. And you will be able to tell even if I don't.

2. Honestly, I don't mind if a guy goes to strip clubs with his friends. Its like porn mixed with bonding. Why would I care about that?

3. I've made boys cry with my honesty surrounding why I don't want to be their girlfriend. The answer usually just is that I don't want a boyfriend, but if its something more, I'll go into why we don't click.

4. I don't like paying, but I don't mind it. Fair is fair.

5. I use compliments to reinforce good behavior. Boyfriend doesn't get showered with compliments when I don't love the sex; he does when I do. Consequently, the number of times he gets complimented on it keeps going up...

Ooops. I guess I'm not a women, huh Ask Men?
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KentuckyBabe
07/08/09

@inabook: 2: i don't know if i want to be with someone who would want to bond with his buddies at a strip club.
Im not saying my guy (if I had one) could NEVER go to one but... men who find it super fun to do with their guy friends on a regular basis aren't guys Im typically attracted to anyway.
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inabook
07/08/09

@KentuckyBabe: I don't know any guys who go to strip clubs regularly. Most of the guys I know went once or twice when they turned 18 and haven't been back since. Maybe that's part of why I don't care-- the kind of guys I like wouldn't want to do it regularly, but I could see them maybe deciding to do it for the hell of it some night--so if they went, it would be a novelty.
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sciencerules
07/08/09

@inabook: There's also the whole bachelor party thing, too. Which is easily overcome: we're having a couples' party, and your bisexual fiancee is coming too!

Boobies for everyone!
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thegogglesdonothing
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
Most of the list seems like total bullshit to me (I'm a guy) - but I've had a lot of experience with #1 (coupled with crossed arms and no eye-contact) - and "calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry" is sound advice that's worked for me in the past.
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Hana Maru
07/08/09

@thegogglesdonothing: My mom does that and it drives me crazy when I know something is bothering her. Women are raised to take care of others and be accomodating. Being angry means being unfeminine, or a "bitch" like the woman who doesn't want her bf to go to the strip club. I think the advice for that one is sound, too.
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Grim Reaper of the Forest
07/08/09

@Hana Maru: I think it is sound advice for both men and women. My husband is just as conflict-adverse as I am, and it is good when one of us pushes the other to come out and admit that they are mad.
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inabook
07/08/09

@thegogglesdonothing: Yes, but is she always mad at YOU? I get pissy and stomp around, and sometimes-- not mad at the dude! Mad at everything in the world EXCEPT the dude!
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tscheese
07/08/09

In reply to AskMen Asks A Woman For The 5 Lies All Females Tell
Lies Tscheeses Tell

1. I'm totally working on this Important Report and not just making shit up on Jezebel.
2. I didn't drink that entire bottle of sangiovese. I don't know what you're talking about.
3. Yes, your child is adorable and I'm glad I spent a great deal of money on it.
4. Oh, that giant clumsy bruise of mine that I got because I constantly run into shit? It doesn't hurt at all.
5. That Marilyn Monroe / Sizes Different In The Fifties thing is still hilarious and totally not getting old.
6. Ths cmmnt hs vwls n t.
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theruraljuror
07/08/09

@tscheese: 7. Zac Efron doesn't make me giddy when I see him.
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LBB
07/08/09

@tscheese: These are the Lies LBBs Tell as well, except replace #2 with "No, I don't keep a supply of chocolate pudding in the fridge at all times, and even if I did, it wouldn't involve making a new batch every three days."
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