Jezebel 
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New York, 9:32 PM
Thu Nov 12
73 posts in the last 24 hours
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09/10/09
1. If you have an open relationship that isn't a sketchy swingers type thing, it can be really hard to find partners, because the wedding ring puts them off. Having a dating site where people aren't bothered about the ring is not a bad thing.
2. There is a certain "rush" that happens during an illicit affair that many people can't get from a full open relationship. Take the example of my partner and I. I have a cuckold fetish, so I can way turned on when she steps out and usually she tells me about it. But, over the course of time she's found that sometimes she gets a real sexual rush about having a "secret" relationship that she doesn't tell me about until months after it's been over. Again, Ashely Madison is perfect for these types of things.
3. Many relationships get to a frustration level where either or both of the partners isn't sure if it's worth it to work out the relationship or they want to move on. Having an affair is a way to test the waters and see how you really feel about your relationship. In some cases it can save your relationship because it makes you realize that what you have is more meaningful to you than what's out there. In other cases it can make you realize just how bad your relationship is and help you get out of of it sooner rather than later.
4. Some women derive great pleasure from affairs and are able to do so without harming their primary relationship. I interviewed a woman last month who calls herself The Harlot. Yes, she has affairs, but yes she also loves her husband. You can read the interview at the link below and I think it shows some light on the nature of affairs as sometimes non-destructive:
[www.cheatingways.com]
09/09/09
Has anyone else seen Extract yet? (If you don't want to be spoiled at all, don't read my post)
It bothered me so much that Jason Bateman never seemed to discuss the lack of sex with his wife. It kept wondering if the issue might have been his work hours and if he shifted them so he was home before 8, she might be up for it. And Mila Kunis SO would have stolen his wallet.
09/09/09
I have a serious problem with Ashley Madison. I'm divorced, I know that marriage is not all cupcakes and butterflies. This isn't some arrangement between husbands and wives to have an open relationship- this is a website that supports the idea of secrets and will eventually cause a ton of hurt to somebody. All of the excuses are just ridic.
If you are in a marriage and feel your needs aren't being met and don't want to work things out, why not just get divorced?
09/09/09
Seriously. What do people do if/when the sex dries up? Do they live without it? Do they try swinger parties? What?
I don't condone cheating, but I don't think I'd be very happy if I was forced to choose between love/companionship (i.e. marriage) and sex.
09/09/09
We tend to stay away from couples at swinger parties 'to spice things up', from our experience they are the ones that bring all kinds of issues to bedroom.
You may be told stories about this couple, or that couple that 'tried swinging' and it ruined there relationship. I am here to tell you that I know many couples in the 15-20+ year range that have been active in the lifestyle for years and still love it.
Of course there are always issues that pop up, just like in vanilla relationships, but what we find valuable in our relationship and from observing in other relationships is the ability to bring honesty to an all new level.
09/09/09
Like I said, hopefully. It would suck to hear "I'm feeling neglected and I'm about to start looking elsewhere, can we please talk about this?" but it would sure suck more to hear "well, you never put out and I didn't feel like talking about it so I just cheated and it's your fault."
09/09/09
Which is to say - I like things to be organic. I've had interesting things crop up with 3 or more people, but it was always off-the-cuff, not sought out, you know? (Which I realize is way more dangerous than everyone knowing the score.)
09/09/09
And yet, I'm personally against polyamory. Oy, vey.
09/09/09
The parties that we go to are not like key parties, or anything goes orgies. Think of it more like a night club or house party, where if you are attracted to someone you can go have fun without worrying about what others will think.
We have lots of couples that go to parties that we are simply friends with, and others where only my husband plays with the wife, and others where I only play with them.
I hear where you are coming with on the spontaneous/orangic thing. That is why we don't meet with couples (or singles) one on one, we tell them to come out to a party and if there is a match then great, if not then oh well. If you find a good group or club you'll find it very relaxed, low pressure and respectful of what you are looking for.
09/09/09
Mind you, I am currently poly and normally roll my eyes at poor, sex-deprived husbands. But it's not always cut and dry. Who I really feel bad for are my mom's friends whose husbands haven't touched them in years, but feel too old and unattractive to have an affair and wouldn't know where to find a guy in the first place. Many of their husbands started cutting them off as early as their 30's and 40's. (Their general assumption is that their husband is getting it on the side from mistresses, call girls, etc.)
09/09/09
And yes, unfortunately, the seven-year-itch can be all too real.
09/09/09
I am not ready to have sex, and because of certain issues that I have, I may never be. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I honestly don't really ever see myself being okay enough with my issues to be "normal".
The person that I am dating, while I know he loves me and wants to stay with me, isn't prepared to be celibate (and a virgin) for the rest of his life. I can't blame him. Sex is an important part of a relationship. I know he would not cheat and I trust him. We've talked a few times about open relationships and that sort of arrangement, but he's not interested.
The lack of sex will more than likely end the relationship. It makes me sad, I am bitter, but I am not angry with him. It is always the reason my relationships end, and the majority of people have ended it as gently and kindly as they could, but that doesn't mean it was painless or made me feel less like a freak of nature.
What would make me angry at him was if he fucking lied about it. You, ma'am, have no right to lie to your husband about it. If it's not satisfactory, you talk about it and you try to find a solution, you idiot. You don't lie to people. Don't give me the bullshit about staying together for the kids, either. We all make sacrifices, and you are no exception. What kind of example are you setting, anyway? What kind of relationship do you want your kids having? Show them how to be honest and mature. Divorce doesn't necessarily ruin someone's life. My personal problems do not stem from my parent's divorce (but some of them do come from how my mom handled the aftermath - very, very poorly).
For the love of fuck (haha, I am so witty), be honest. Don't lie. Don't make excuses. Don't potentially expose you or your partner to an STD, an unwanted pregnancy, the heartbreak of knowing someone loved you, but not enough to not lie.
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09/09/09
I made a gag AM profile for shits and giggles and as it turns out, cyber adulterers will shag anything with an 'Online Now' icon.
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03/19/09
@LaComtesse and @HuckleberryFriend: there are two comments on this board and on past boards dealing with infidelity with married jezebels expressing such statements. and at huckleberry, no where in my statement did i say that mature and open-minded discussions weren't being expressed at jezebel. just that
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(Well, maybe no quite...)