• And now, the cold, hard, retail reality sets in: Neiman Marcus and Net-A-Porter are dropping Ungaro for Spring. Barneys and Saks also aren't ordering. Lindsay Lohan and Mounir Moufarrige, what have you wrought! [Style.com]

• Ashley Tisdale does not yearn for a clothing line. "I've started a production company; I guess that's kind of my clothing line," says the actress. [WWD]
• The incredible Alexander McQueen shoes — both the bulbous hoof ones, and the ones that look like some piece of anthropomorphic weaponry out of eXistenZ, which Lady Gaga wore in the video for "Bad Romance" — are apparently a hit. The designer says he's been inundated with calls from women wanting to buy the so-called "Alien" shoes, albeit some who are interested in them as art pieces. The process by which the shoes are made is protected by copyright, says a spokesperson for the brand. No word on whether a commercial version will be produced for wide sale; McQueen is mulling a charity auction for the runway samples. [Grazia]
• Carlos Falchi's line of handbags for Target is in stores now through December 27th. The designer says, if he didn't have his current job, "I'd like to be a Brazilian cowboy." [TFI]
• Victoria Beckham's people are denying the rumors she is planning, with Simon Fuller, to open a modeling agency — perhaps a U.S. branch of Storm, in which Fuller holds a controlling stake — in New York. "There is absolutely no truth in the story regarding Victoria Beckham and Simon Fuller opening a modeling agency in New York," says her spokesman. "Victoria is concentrating all her efforts on her fashion line and her family." [Vogue UK]
• Daniel Lalonde, president of Louis Vuitton, basically confirmed Lara Stone will be the face of the spring campaign. [The Cut]
• Betsey Johnson is redesigning her stores. Gone will be the hot-pink walls, replaced with white walls and checkerboard floors, to better display the clothes. [Racked]
• Dooney & Bourke co-founder Frederic Bourke has been sentenced to 366 days in prison and a $1 million fine for his role in a failed scheme to bribe Azeri officials into privatizing Azerbaijan's oil company, which would have essentially deprived the country of profits from its greatest national resource. Bourke is appealing. [WWD]
• Model Karmen Pedaru spent a year as goalie on an Estonian national soccer team. [W]
• Funny, the only item this list of How To Look Like Gisele Bundchen is missing is: being born to look like Gisele Bundchen. (OK, so Nars Orgasm is bog standard by now, but $475 moisturizer? Come on.) [Blackbook]
• The BHV — pretty much the most awesome department store in Paris — is getting Beth Ditto and Jean-Charles de Castelbajac to do its holiday windows. Meanwhile, stately old Printemps has Natalia Vodianova. [WWD]
• The British Fashion Council will give an award to the winner of a public vote on who best "embodies the spirit of London." Nominees include Alexa Chung, Kate Moss, and Vivienne Westwood. [BFC]
• Jeffrey Monteiro might be taking over as head designer at Bill Blass. [WWD]
• Liz Lange is launching a lifestyle shopping site, apparently kind of like Gilt crossed with Daily Candy. [Crains]
• People are trying to save Luella on the Internet. [Fashionista]
• The Gossip Girl timeline is apparently now forever divided by the caesura of the Threesome; say Before The Threesome or After The Threesome, and everyone immediately knows what you mean. The boys on the show have been wearing a lot of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's line, Elizabeth & James, People notes. [People]
• Jason Wu is doing a capsule collection for Tse this spring. [WWD]
• Anthropologie is the most profitable of the three Urban Outfitters brands, quarterly results reveal. [TS]
• Marie Osmond is licensing her name to a fashion and home decor line. Every last piece in the Marie Lifestyle Collection will retail for under $100. Expect to see it in stores later this month. [UPI]
• Donna Karan's West Indies home is currently making us cry bitter tears of envy from our very black souls. [SB]

[Los Angeles, November 2. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Aly Michalka was in a band with her sister AJ, creatively called Aly & AJ. She made a valiant effort to toughen up a sweet, floral frock with a studded belt, but the result? Meh.


Due to my sordid past at a teen magazine, I have interviewed iCarly's Miranda Cosgrove — who was also in School Of Rock — and found her absolutely charming. Much like this bow-tiful dress.


Andrea Bowen — Julie on Desperate Housewives — made her Broadway debut in 1996 as Young Cosette in Les Misérables. Unfortunately, her faux-bandage dress with shiny purple shoes should really go to the guillotine.


Friends, this is Amy Astley, editor in chief of Teen Vogue. Surely she has heard the phrase "wear the trend; don't let the trend wear you." And yet.


The Buff Werewolf wears his tuxedo with just the right amount of insouciance. Wait a minute: Is it denim?


We see London, we see France, we see Ashley Tisdale's sexyface. And bra.


Willa Holland was Kaitlin Cooper on The O.C. and Agnes on Gossip Girl. She's experienced in LBD selection, and in choosing this classy number, it shows.


Katie Cassidy has been on Supernatural and Melrose Place. Her dad is '70s pop idol David Cassidy. While the colors — and the fingernails — are fun; she seems to have forgotten her shirt.


My unapologetic love for Kelly Osbourne grows stronger everyday. This little black dress with embellished sleeves looks great.


Seventeen-year-old Selena Gomez plays it safe… in an ensemble that seems like it's for someone twice her age.


Hey, Haley Bennett! You were great as Cora in that mediocre Drew Barrymore/Hugh Grant flick Music And Lyrics, which is one of my guilty pleasures. But I'm not a fan of your long-ass sweater. Sorry!


Raven-Symoné's black nails and black top are okay, but are her black leggings starting to disintegrate? I think I see skin.


Chelsea Staub was was in the Bratz movie, but that can be forgiven, since this polka-dot dress is adorable.


Hayley Hasselhoff's headpiece is a little kooky, but she's 17 and her dad keeps passing out at home so let's give her a pass.


Not only did Sofia Vassilieva play the leading role in My Sister's Keeper alongside Cameron Diaz, she was Eloise in two made-for-TV movies. Her smile — and her little silver dress — are awesome.


90210 2.0's AnnaLynne McCord attempts sleek retro-chic; succeeds.


In a sea of black and grey, Victoria Justice stands out in a shimmery red sheath. Kudos.


90210 2.0 star Jessica Stroup's square-looking midsection is just one of the reasons jumpsuits should fade away.


Danielle Panabaker's dress is business in front…


…Party in the back!


I've been going back and forth on this dress worn by 90210 2.o's Jessica Lowndes. Flirty and fun? Or too prom-y?

[Images via Getty.]

• Breaking the hearts of every boy I went to elementary, middle, and high school with, Alyssa Milano married her boyfriend of three years, David Bugliari, in New Jersey yesterday. Bugliari's good friend, Bradley Cooper was in attendance. [People]

• Milano wore a Vera Wang gown and walked down the aisle to John Lennon's "Imagine." [E!]
• Madonna celebrated her 51st birthday in Poland earlier today, giving a concert for her fans, despite protests from local Catholics, who were angered that the singer's visit coincided with The Feast of the Assumption. [AP]
• Sting's daughter, Coco Sumner says that the rumors about her father's obsession with tantric sex were made up by his friend, Bob Geldof: "Bob Geldof made up this thing and it stuck and it's an international joke. It is a bit embarrassing when people bring it up. I don't really have anything to do with my parents' sex life. They love each other. So what?" [DailyMail]
• Kate Hudson's estranged father, Bill Hudson, is publicly asking the actress to reunite with him so that she can meet her 3-year-old half-sister, Lalania. DailyExpress]
• Robert Pattinson was attacked by three aliens at Comic Con! Naturally, he was terrified, until the "aliens" took off their masks to reveal they were just teenage Twilight fans. And then, of course, he was even more terrified. (No, not really. He was very nice to them, apparently.) [ShowbizSpy]
• Big Brother's Chima Simone was kicked off the program Friday night for "violating the rules," according to CBS. "She will not be part of the show's jury," the network says, "Her eviction will be addressed on an upcoming broadcast of the show." [EW]
• "I thought I'd asked enough people and triple-checked. But it is just one letter out, I think it's an easy fix. I think it's kind of funny too. How typical! As soon as I realised, I couldn't stop telling people and everyone would bust up laughing."- Hayden Panetierre on her misspelt tattoo [DailyMirror]
• Jennifer Westfeldt has reportedly been "angling" for a guest spot on boyfriend Jon Hamm's Mad Men, "but has been told by producers that 'they can't find the right storyline' for her." [PageSix]
• "I'm reacting against that attitude. This complete victimisation of the war with the violin music and the anti-war aspect to everything. These self-serious movies have been the deal for the past 20 years, whereas back in the 1940s, when the f***ing war was going on, it wasn't sacrilegious to make a war movie that dared to be entertaining. So I'm not going to apologise for being funny, or for making an exciting adventure movie."-Quentin Tarantino on Inglorious Basterds[TimesOnline]
• Just in case you care, Ashley Tisdale is NOT dating Taylor Lautner: "I have a bf. No idea where that got started." [ShowbizSpy]
• Tyra Banks eats frozen dinners and energy bars. Celebrities! They're just like us and so on and so forth. [PageSix]
• "I didn't have a normal social life, and sometimes I think it's why I'm insecure around a large group of people. I shut down a bit. People expect me to be what they see on stage, but that's not who I am in real life."-Beyonce [ShowbizSpy]
• Amy Winehouse is set to appear as a backup singer on the British television show Strictly Come Dancing in support of her goddaughter, 13-year-old Dionne Bromfield. [Mirror]
• Amy's estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, says the two are talking again: ""We've been talking for the first time in months.I love her as much as ever. I know she still loves me, even though we're getting divorced. Maybe this time we can do everything properly and not mess it up." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• District 9 beat The Time Traveler's Wife at the box office on Friday, taking in 14.2 million dollars. [EW]
• Is Paula Abdul thinking of returning to American Idol? [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Victoria Beckham has impressed the Idol producers during her guest stint on the show: "She was a revelation at the second audition and is now top of the list to permanently replace Paula," says a source, "She'd be crazy to turn it down. This job will set her up as a real star in the States." [NewsOfTheWorld]
• Katie Price claims her marriage to Peter Andre was a "sham." [DailyMail]
• George Michael says he was sober when he crashed into a truck on Friday: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight. I don't want my fans or my family worried by what they are reading all over again." [TimesOnline]
• Lady Gaga's producer, Rob Fusari, says the singer has a "Tin Man heart" and that "to her men are like candy - take the wrapper off, chew it up a few times." [TheSun]
• Spencer Pratt celebrated his 26th birthday with a machine gun cake. As for Heidi Montag's birthday gift to her husband? A copy of her issue of Playboy, of course. A machine gun cake? Ugh. Team Cake does not approve of this mess. [JustJared]

• Joe Jackson says the rumors that Michael Jackson has a secret son, 25-year-old Omer Bhatti (not pictured!), are true. "I knew he had another son, yes I did," said Joe.

• He added: "He looks like a Jackson, he acts like a Jackson, he can dance like a Jackson…" When asked if Omer may become an entertainer Joe replies, "I don't know. I can't say that yet. Not until I see it happen," and gives a creepy laugh. Part of the News One interview is available here: [News One, E!]
• This morning on The Early Show, Katherine Jackson's lawyer announced that she will get custody of Michael Jackson's three kids and Debbie Rowe will have visitation rights. He added, "Mrs. Jackson is coping by continuing the business of love and serving as that rock for the family. She's the Rose Kennedy, the Coretta Scott King of the world's entertainment business, really. And she's coping by continuing to give love, and that's all she's ever done. Mrs. Jackson is gonna keep going strong and, with the love and support of her family, she'll be fine." [CBS News]
• When Jude Law announced that he's fathered the child of an anonymous woman yesterday, many speculated that it was Rachel McAdams' sister. Now several news outlets are reporting that it is indeed Kayleen McAdams. Kayleen is reportedly seven months pregnant and only told Jude recently. Rachel is said to be "pissed" about the situation. [Star]
• But Kayleen's rep denies she's having Jude's baby, saying "The story is completely false. She has never even met him." [Radar Online]
• A photographer has filed a police report because he claims Mel Gibson ripped his shirt after he got too close to him and pregnant fiancée Oksana Grigorieva. No charges have been filed. [E!]
• Police sources say their investigation revealed the photographer made up the story and that there is no way Mel Gibson could have reached the man because he was wedged in a booth behind his fiancée. Witnesses say he was asked to leave at least three times and his shirt wasnt' ripped when he left the club. [TMZ]
• Here's a picture of the man whose shirt Mel Gibson allegedly tore. The tear isn't as scary as the way the man's face was blurred with Photoshop. [TMZ]
• Though Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush denied infidelity was the cause of their split, both have been accused of cheating. A source says Reggie found incriminating texts from Kanye West on her phone. Now a "sexy Latino model in Miami" is claiming she had an affair with Reggie. She's threatening to sell her story to the highest bidding tabloid, so we expect to read all about her in Midweek Madness soon. [Radar Online]
• Here's video of Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush taken during their trip to Africa on behalf of Russell Simmons' Diamond Empowerment Fund right before they broke up. [People]
• A source claims that Mischa Barton was hospitalized because she tried to kill herself because she was fired from The Beautiful Life, but was later rehired. Her rep denies that she tried to commit suicide or was ever fired. [E!]
• Mischa Barton's Beautiful Life co-star Nico Tortorella says, "She's doing great, and is ready to work... Everybody wants to see her get better and I think she will. I'm here for her; I think we all are. She has good people fostering good situations." [The Mirror]
• Jon and Kate Plus 8 returns on Monday. TLC has revealed that Kate Gosselin will say about her kids, "It is not their fault that what has transpired has transpired... And it is my new attitude that I'm going to do things I've never done before. That is what has stemmed out of all of that — 'I can do.'" [Entertainment Tonight]
• Sources claim Kate Gosselin bought an apartment in Rockville, Md. to be closer to her (married) bodyguard Steve Neild. [CBS News]
• But now Kate's changed her mind and won't be moving to Rockville after all. [Radar Online]
• A source close to Kate explains, "She is not buying or renting in the area. Kate was having lunch there, and after spending a total of one hour in a restaurant that has condos for sale above it, a rumor began that somehow, suddenly, she was buying a condo there. She didn't even know there were apartments for sale there. It's totally false." [People]
• Oh no. Are Heidi and Specer Pratt expecting a child? This obviously staged photograph of Heidi holding baby clothes as Spencer rubs her belly says yes. [The Sun]
• Two Ohio police chiefs have been arrested for allegedly conspiring to break into the home of Sarah Jessica Parker's surrogate, along with a third man, the mayor of Bridgeport, Ohio's son. [TMZ]
• Katherine Dieckmann, director of Uma Thurman's new movie Motherhood says a cameo in which Jodie Foster is hounded by the paparazzi was inspired by Sarah Jessica Parker. "I would go to that playground all the time and poor Sarah Jessica Parker would come with her son and she would be harassed!" Dieckmann said. "She literally could not push her kid on the swing set without a picture being taken. I just saw a picture of [pregnant] Heidi Klum at that park. They come here and stalk people." [E!]
• Ashley Tisdale says of the paparazzi, "They're outside my house all the time. It's kind of annoying. Sometimes I'll go about my day by myself and there are 40-year-old men taking pictures of me and I don't know who they are. They should start wearing badges." [Reuters]
• Aliens In The Attic producer Barry Josephson says he wanted Ashley Tisdale to be in the movie because she's the "new generation Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston." Um... ok.[Reuters]
• Here's a video of Zac Efron bungee jumping. [People]
• Production of Jessica Simpson's reality show The Price of Beauty has to be rescheduled because of her split from Tony Romo. "The plan was to shoot most of it around Tony's football schedule so she could support him through the season," said a show staffer, "Now they're busy redoing the whole shooting schedule." [Us]
• Someone filmed a video of 19-year-old Kristen Stewart drinking a Heineken during an on-set party for The Runaways, then not buckling her seat belt as she drove away. The video has been taken down because her publicist says it was illegally shot on private property. [Perez Hilton]
• Nikki Reed has solved the mystery of why so many girls are in love with her Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson. "Rob is sort of feminine looking and I think young girls like boys that look like women," she said. [People]
• Heath Ledger's family stopped going to the movies after his death, but they broke their "movie fast" at a screening of Adam on Tuesday, which stars Ledger's childhood friend Kane Manera. [The Daily Express]
• Dominic Monaghan says he his newfound fame after Lord of the Rings "was hard - I had a tough year, I had a tough year and a half. Kind of too much drinking. Too many late nights hanging out with the wrong women - maybe the right women but at the wrong time. Kind of going off the rails a little bit. I think maybe I had to do that personally to get over the rollercoaster ride that Lord Of The Rings was." [The Daily Express]
• Foreigner is releasing a three disk set of new and classic songs exclusively at Wal-Mart. Mick Jones says the band made the deal with Wal-Mart because, "To me, the most important thing is that the band regains recognition again and proves in a way that it is a force. It's been around for 30 years, and there are few other bands that have been around for that long. I'd like to regain our position in that club." [AP]
• Paula Abdul is back in the U.S. after a trip to England. She still hasn't worked out her American Idol deal, the folks at Radar just wanted to let you know where she is. [Radar Online]
• Last weekend, Tim McGraw stopped during a performance and kicked a guy out because he was "being abusive" to a woman he was with. He told the crowd, "You don't treat a woman like that." [TMZ]
• Pink says of MTV's Video Music Awards, "Last year I got to jump out of a window at the VMAs in L.A. "This year I can't wait to blow the roof off Radio City in New York." [People]
• Courtney Love Tweeted: "@taylorxmomsen shut the FUCK up you overpriveliged bratty bitch that picked one every freak in high school mention my name again? BAM... if i was pissy about every chick that every bit me id be busy indeed your just annoyingly cloyingly wrong. WORKWITHYRHANDS." Too bad @taylorxmomsen doesn't exist. [N.Y. Magazine]
• On Friday Christina Aguilera's online radio channel on Clear Channel's "iheart radio" network will debut. It will feature "interviews, news, personal commentary from Aguilera as well as her favorite tunes." [AP]
• Jani Lane, lead singer of Warrant, will spend two days in jail after pleading no contest to DUI charges. [TMZ]
• This interview with Jeremy Piven may be slightly entertaining if you're into his new movie The Goods. [CNN]
• Amy Poehler will return to do Weekend Update on the first two episodes of Saturday Night Live next season. Really! [Entertainment Weekly]
• In a recent interview Leslie Mann said of husband Judd Apatow, "He's growing up and learning more about women so he's able to write better female parts," but then reconsidered and said of Katherine Heigl calling Knocked Up sexist, "I kind of don't know what she was talking about, I'm an actress reading scripts and I've seen what's out there and it's slim pickings. Judd does write great female parts." [CBS News]
• Ashton Kutcher autographed his own face for the new cover of Parade. Here's some more about how much he loves Demi Moore: "The real trick is putting yourself around people you admire. That's why I married my wife. I locked in the brightest light in the room. My wife and I have an agreement in our marriage, and part of that contract is that we are going to shine our lights on each other. … My relationship with Demi is so solid, thank God, and we're so communicative about the way that we're feeling, that we don't allow space to come between us." [JustJared]
• "I used to cry almost every night [when I was in high school]. My parents would say, 'Don't worry. College will be better!'... With high school, for many people, it's just a case of trying to keep breathing and getting through it. I'd have felt more like a normal teenager if I had a boyfriend. But I never did. And I didn't like any of the guys in school. In fact, they all seemed so simplistic that I really could not see myself dating any of them." — Lisa Kudrow [The Telegraph]
• Mark-Paul Gosselaar says he's not worried about Dustin Diamond writing a Saved By The Bell tell-all book because, "What is he going to say? We were banging groupies at 14? I can't wait to read his book, because I don't have a memory of a lot of the shows. Maybe it was because I was doing lines off of the audience members' asses. I'm sure he's going to write something crazy like that. The truth is─the reason why the show worked and why it's still on today─we were good people and good to each other. We were innocent, naive kids. We were not jaded. So him writing a book, I'm not really afraid of what he has to say. There are not too many skeletons in my closet." [Newsweek]
• Susan Sarandon's daughter Eva Amurri took three weeks of pole-dancing lessons for her role as a stripper on Californication. When asked if her mom approves, she replied: "My mom came to a strip class with me, actually. She had been so curious about it, and she tried a little bit. She was awesome." [NY Magazine]

• Eminem reportedly asked Amy Winehouse to do a Stan-like duet on his upcoming album, Relapse, but Amy declined, as she "didn't feel it was the right thing to do at the present time." [The Sun]

• "Eminem has followed Amy's career closely. They have both had drug addiction issues and he empathises with her and hoped to feature her on Relapse," says a source, "His idea was to make a track as magical as Stan. But unfortunately Amy declined. He understands that recently she hasn't been in a state to focus on music because of her tumultuous private life but he hopes they will get together on a future project." I wonder what Amy thought of Em's new video? [TheSun]
• Kathy Griffin says she's backing off her Lindsay Lohan jokes, now that the starlet is having a rough time: "It feels like kicking her when she's down," Griffin says, "Believe it or not, I might kind of take her out for the time being. That's a little hard to find the comedy in." [USWeekly]
• Ann Kelly, the woman accused of having an affair with Bruce Springsteen, denies having anything to do with The Boss. "My client absolutely denies having an affair with Bruce Springsteen," her attorney says, "These are baseless allegations of a jealous man. And that's all there is to it." [People]
• "You can be bi but not gay. Well, you can be gay and funny, like Ellen [DeGeneres] and Rosie [O'Donnell]. It's really hard to be straight-up gay and serious. We're still not over that."- Michelle Rodriguez
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale has split with her boyfriend. [USWeekly]
• Does Samantha Ronsonalready have a new girlfriend? [ONTD]
• ''I wrapped a movie called `Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character. With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie.''-Woody Harrelson [NYTimes]
• Aww, the rumors are true: Carey Hart and Pink were seen arm and arm, all smiles. [TheSun]
• Former Mighty Morphin Power Rangers star Skylar Deleon has been sentenced to death for murdering an Arizona couple in 2004. (The description of the murder is upsetting, so be warned.) [USWeekly]
• Blind Item: "This actress is known for her comedy chops, primarily playing the ditzy blonde role (even though she's decidedly brunette). We were sad to hear from a former employee of hers that she is in fact a raving witch in real life. She once threw an omelet (yes, the kind with eggs) at her maid, who was terrified and spoke very little English. Yikes. It's not Sarah Silverman." [Blind Gossip]
• "Is Lindsay Lohan tweeting about being cheated on?????????? ahahahaha NO I don't feel bad! I can't stop laughing! omg ahahahahahahahahah"- Shanna Moakler's Twitter. [ONTD]
• "I actually think going to university will make me a better actress. The experience of living like that, working to deadlines, living with other students. It's all the things I want. There are actresses who don't know about things like doing their own laundry and getting a bus. I'm not going to be like that."- Emma Watson
• Ugh: the Nadya Suleman reality show might still happen. But will anybody watch it? [EW]
• Nicole Kidman says she's planning on dressing up as the Easter Bunny this weekend for her daughter, Sunday Rose, who apparently enjoyed the bright lights of Vegas: "Sunday Rose loved Vegas," Kidman says, "There were a lot of lights there and it was very sparkly, so she loved looking at them and when we were driving along she was gazing out of the window. Vegas is obviously a good spot for a baby." My 3 year old nephew loves dinosaurs! Jurassic Park is obviously a good spot for a baby. [ShowbizSpy]
• Believe it or not, there's going to be another sequel to The Fast and the Furious. What should this one be called? Suggestions welcome in the comments. [E!]

• Cynthia Nixon, Distracted: Nixon is set to star in this Off Broadway play by Lisa Loomer about a mother "struggling to learn" whether her son has ADD. According to a previous review, Nixon's character plays more of a narrator to the play. Verdict: She may be a Victim, but it seems like the character is too removed from the story to garner a full verdict, so it all depends on how Nixon plays it.

• Halle Berry, Frankie and Alice: Berry will star and produce this "indie" film about a woman "struggling" with multiple personality disorder and a racist, white, other personality that preys upon her mind. Berry playing a white and black character? It's like Queen all over again! Except for the whole psychological disorder thing. Verdict: Racism and a mental disorder? Victim.

• Sophie Monk, Hardbreakers: Professional nobody Monk will be fleshing out her IMDB profile by starring in the straight-to-DVD film, Hardbreakers. The movie follows two hot and caraaazy single girls who are navigating the dating scene in LA. Monk will play a girl who "has been with a lot of guys." Verdict: This movie is so Z-List we shouldn't even be paying attention to it, but Monk sounds like she will be a pseudo-"feminist" slutty Hooker who will probably end up learning a special lesson about sleeping around once she meets Mr. Right.

• Keshia Knight Pulliam, Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail: Little Rudy from The Cosby Show will star in Perry's newest film as an imprisoned prostitute who is rescued by Perry's matriarch, Madea after she spends some time in jail.Verdict: The very obvious answer: Hooker.

• Ashley Tisdale, Teen Witch: Tisdale, who is apparently some sort of celebrity, will star in a remake of the pseudo-musical (and one of my personal favorite campy movies) Teen Witch. Tisdale will play an unpopular girl who learns she is a witch and then uses her powers to get back at the popular girls at school. She also makes her BFF perform a poorly lip-synched rap and watches impromptu dance performances by cheerleaders. Verdict: This movie is too campy and young to fall into any of the stereotypes.

Cynthia Nixon To Star In "Distracted" [Variety]
Queen [IMDB]
Halle Berry Set For "Frankie And Alice" [Variety]
Sophie Monk Signs For "Hardbreakers" [THR]
Crosby Daughter Hooks Up With "Madea" Comdey [THR via Yahoo!]
Teen Witch Rap Scene [Youtube]
Teen Witch- I Like Boys [YouTube]
Ashley Tisdale Graduates "High School" [THR]

• Did Hulk Hogan have an affair while he was still living with his wife, Linda? And was the woman he slept with a friend of his daughter, Brooke? [Perez Hilton]
  
• Nicole Richie's baby! On the cover of People! Cute! [People]
  
• Someone styled & shot Lindsay Lohan to look like a tired tranny hooker on the cover of Paper magazine. [The.Life Files]
  
• March 17: The date a judge will tell Sir Paul McCartney how many millions he has to give to ex Heather Mills. Mark your calendars! [Mirror]
  
• Is Amy Winehouse back on drugs? Friends say she feels rehab is turning her into "some sort of zombie with no emotion." She apparently says she feels "numb" and recently held a lighter over her hand and purposely burned her skin. Fuck. [The Sun]

• A court in Norway has postponed Amy's drug possession hearing. She was arrested there last October on charges of marijuana possession. She and Blake Incarcerated were due in court Friday, but Blake is due in court in the UK Friday, so he won't be able to make it. So many court dates, so little time. [USA Today]
• Gossip columnist Cindy Adams wrote that pregnant Nicole Kidman was drinking white wine backstage during the Oscars; Kidman's publicist, who was with Nicole backstage, says the beverage was tea and that Adams is "an idiot, and you can quote me." [News.com.au]
• Jenna Bush had a girls-only spa weekend bachelorette party in Boca Raton; her fiancé had a boys' weekend in Miami. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is traveling to Kuwait to "entertain" the troops. Just what they need. [People]
• High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale had a nose job in November; her recently released doll has her old nose. LOL. [MSNBC]
• Something is going on between Jonathan Jaxson of gossip site JJ's Dirt and Perez Hilton, but it's sort of too early to think about it. The gist: Sex tape in return for blogging help. "I fell in love with Perez. I thought he had a huge heart...but he's just a [bleep]hole," Jaxson says. YAWN. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba says she was called a slut in 6th grade because she had big boobs. That ain't right. [Page Six]
• Did Selma Blair and model boyfriend Matt Felker split because he came home and found her with another man? [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears went to the Betsey Johnson store on Melrose in L.A. and asked if they could copy a Dolce & Gabbana dress. They were all, "uh, no." So she bought the yellow wig on a mannequin in the window. [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD is investigating suspected drugger/robber Sam Lutfi, though they won't come out and say it. [TMZ]
• Kevin Federline is turning 30 next month with a huge party in Las Vegas. Think Brit's invited? [People]
• Lynne Spears has been praising her ex-husband Jamie for taking control of Britney's troubled life. A family friend says, "He's gathered a team of reputable people who are around [Britney] now. She's not well, but for the first time in a long time she has people around her who really care about her." [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow has shot a public service announcement for UNICEF to raise money for HIV prevention. [People]
• Is Kate Hudson trying to bag Justin Timberlake? A source says she has been "texting him nonstop." But she's also seeing Owen Wilson, apparently. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her girlfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• That diamond band, wedding-ish ring Ashlee Simpson's been wearing? "It's a promise ring," she says. From Pete Wentz, natch. [Rush & Molloy]
• Bill Cosby is hosting the Playboy Jazz Festival, if you care. What would Claire Huxtable say? [AP]
• Isaiah Washington was on Capitol Hill meeting with the Congressional Black Caucus and lobbying to preserve the history of an island known off the coast of Sierra Leone. [Politico]
• A judge won't let Ja Rule post bail for his homies, who are co-defendants in a gun possession case. [Yahoo News]
• Josh Hartnett: Forced to fly coach. [Page Six]
• Oooh, Ludacris, Thandie Newton and Gerard Butler star in the new Guy Ritchie movie! [Page Six]
• Boy George denies he kept a 28-year-old Norwegian dude handcuffed in his apartment. Do you really want to hurt me??? [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell remains hospitalized in Brazil, though her doctor says she is "completely cured and walking." Be well! [Yahoo News]

The Good:
We're willing to overlook our terror that 14-year old Miley Cyrus looks about 24 since, she's the best-dressed person here. And her vag is covered. And mentioning it is depressing.

You know what else is depressing? We're starting to think that the Jonas Brothers are sorta cute.

Vanessa Williams' outfit isn't exactly perfect (um, metallic boots), but giant sweater coats are great. And so are shamed former Miss Americas who came back with an even more successful music career and TV stint on Ugly Betty.

The Bad:
Apparently Ashley Edner is a 19-year old tween sorta-star. Perhaps her middling fame can be blamed on her unfortunate leggings/goth girl dress combo?

Someone ought to inform Samantha Harris, host of Dancing with the Stars, that it is best to remove your coat before having your photo taken.

Miley's parents Billy Ray and Trish Cyrus: Scary. Trish's eyes look dead. And Billy Ray is wearing leather gloves on the red carpet. Ay.

Mixing silver and gold jewelry is fine. But a gold dress with silver shoes on High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale? Not right.

The Ugly:
Listen, we love Lisa Rinna for her performance as Lynn Echolls on Veronica Mars. Also, during Fashion Week, she told us that she's had big boobies and small boobies and always wants what she doesn't have. And we thought that was kinda hilarious. But we cannot forgive this terrifying leopard print and wide-legged jeans ensemble.

[Images via Bauer-Griffin.]

[Century City, California; January 15. Image via x17]

The Good:
Alicia Keys exudes class and good taste while Christina Applegate brings new life to the color purple.

The Good...But:
Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus both look super cute. But aren't their dresses a little short given their ages? (Also, Hudgens is starting to bear an uncanny resemblance to early 90's Mariah Carey. Just saying.)

The Bad:
Rihanna's dress is wearing her, not the other way around and Avril Lavigne forgot it isn't Halloween and clearly came as Streetwalker Barbie.

Carrie Underwood is being slowly choked by her dress while Ashley Tisdale channels Mr. Roboto.

The Ugly:
Taylor Swift not only pairs cowboys boots with a cocktail dress, but wears sheer stocking to boot. (No pun attended.) Meanwhile, Fergie's neck is moments away from bearing stigmata.

Phoebe Prince and Kid Rock: No further explanation needed.

[Hollywood, CA; August 14. Image via Splash]