• After partying at a local bar, Jon Gosselin reportedly brought a 23-year-old cocktail waitress back to his apartment over the garage of his Pennsylvania home. She left the next morning wearing the same outfit. Jon claims she's just the babysitter.

• Bonus fun fact: According to Stephanie Santoro's online resume, she's willing to pose nude. [Radar Online]
• About 4 million people tuned in to the two new episodes of Jon and Kate Plus 8 last night. That's a considerable jump from last season, but the numbers still don't compare to the divorce announcement episode. [Radar Online]
• Rihanna won't be in court tomorrow when Chris Brown is formally sentenced, but her lawyer says, "I'm going to be requesting a level one protective order not to annoy, molest, or harass my client. This would be a step down from current order in which Brown must stay 50 yards away from my client." [Radar Online]
• Attorneys for Dr. Arnold Klein released a statement explaining why they asked to present evidence in custody hearing about Michael Jackson's kids. They say: "Dr. Klein is not objecting to Katherine Jackson being the guardian nominee, but was acting on promises he made to Michael with respect to assuring the long term health and stability of the children... Dr. Klein has always had a special relationship with Paris Katherine and Prince Michael, loves and cares deeply for these children and is looking out for their best interest. Dr. Klein has been involved with the children in sharing holidays and other special events and wishes to have the ability to continue his involvement as a very close friend of their father and offers his guidance and protection forever." [Business Wire]
• Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris and Nicky Hilton, says she's still upset about the death of her friend Michael Jackson and adds, "I adore Mrs. Jackson. Katherine is the rock. It is like Camp Jackson, all of those kids. All the aunts, the uncles, the children come there. She plays Scrabble with them. She loves it. I think that's what keeps her really young."[UPI]
• The rumor that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer went on a dinner date isn't exactly true. "John was in the studio, which is near Katsuya [where Jess was dining], that night," explains a source. "And like he does most nights - like he did again on Sunday night - he went by Katsuya when he took a break from a 12-hour day in the studio." John, who is friends with Pete Wentz, just came by and said hello to Ashlee Simpson, who was dining with her sister. [Ok]
• People claims John Mayer actually showed up at the restaurant on Sunday night for a boys night while Jessica Simpson was there on Saturday. [People]
• Jessica Simpson is on the new cover of Glamour. She says, "[My ex] Tony said, ‘Jessica, at the end of your life, the only thing that's going to flash through your mind and heart is your husband, kids, family and the people you love. You're not going to think, I wish I'd done this with my career. And I'm not going to remember how many touchdown passes I threw or if I won the Super Bowl.' Music is the heart of who I am, and it's the most personal thing that I do." But adds, "I'm never going to be a woman who doesn't work. At 12 I was emancipated from my parents so I could sign my first record deal. I think I was born working!" [Just Jared]
• Ashton Kutcher, who produces The Beautiful Life, says Mischa Barton "was never unavailable for a day of work...Mischa's in New York working today. The great thing about Mischa for this show is we have a lot of young cast. She's done it before. On The O.C. she was one of the leads in this big soap opera." [E!]
• More Ashton Kutcher on Demi Moore: "She becomes more beautiful to me by the minute, and I don't know what it is. She's got the magic thing." [People]
• Producers of the new Melrose Place are still trying to get Heather Locklear to join the cast. [L.A. Times]
• A woman has filed a lawsuit claiming that when she asked Method Man for an autograph after a show he "pulled out an air gun and ... began firing pellets." She says she was hit at least six times. [TMZ]
• Lady Gaga says of hissing Alexander Karsgard in her Paparazzi video, "Movie kisses are real kisses. I don't know how other people do but we were kissing for real." [Perez Hilton]
• The MTV Video Music Award nominations are out. Beyonce and Lady Gaga tied for the most with nine each, and Britney Spears got seven. [E!]
• Beyonce, Britney, and Lady Gaga will compete against each other for video of the year: "Single Ladies," "Poker Face," and "Womanizer" are all nominated. [Reuters]
• Kate Moss may be the host of Simon Cowell's next U.K. show So You Want To Be A Rock 'N' Roll Star. [People]
• Naomi Campbell grabbed a mic out of Jennifer Lopez's hand a club in Capri, Italy and belted out songs badly as Marc Anthony, and Stefano Gabbana looked on. [The Sun]
• Courtney Love claims she never harassed Taylor Momsen via Twitter. "Oh, I would NEVER pick on a little girl! No, no, no. Somebody fucking - I would never Twit THAT," she saids. "It didn't make sense to me. I would never pick on a child. That's stupid." [New York Magazine]
• Courtney Love pulled a male New York Magazine reporter into the ladies room so he could interview her while she took a smoke break during the premiere of the documentary It Might Get Loud, saying "Who's gonna stop me?" [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kelly Rutherford settled her custody fight with Daniel Giersch. They will both temporarily relocate to New York while she films Gossip Girl and will share custody. [TMZ]
• Lauren Conrad and Kim Kardashian will be guest judges on the next season of America's Next Top Model. [E!]
• Lisa Rinna has another book due out next summer described as "the adult version of L.A. Candy." She says, "I have no problem being honest and open as we all know, so imagine when I can set it in this kind of a book! Everybody better watch out!" [Entertainment Weekly]
• Shanna Moakler has responded to Travis Barker's claim that she lets their kids spend time with her uncle, a convicted child molester, saying, "First and foremost, I don't have a uncle, second, I would NEVER endanger the lives of my children. I find making public spectacles humiliating not just for our children but for our entire families. It should be known I have physical custody of my children... As much as I enjoy social networks I do not find them a stage for personal matters nor do I find threats of any kind acceptable."[Perez Hilton]
• Travis Barker sent Perez Hilton this email: "Man, watch who you call stupid on your website!!!!!!!!! Shanna's uncle is a fucking molester and won't sign papers keeping my kids awsay from them. Unless i get a reply back from you stay away from and keep my name out your mouth. Calling me stupid is not brightest idea." [Perez Hilton]
• Dustin Diamond was paid $2,000 for a doing standup at a small town pizza parlor. He mostly made fun of his Saved By The Bell castmates. [TMZ]
• Bethenny Frankel says of the next season of RHONY, "I think everyone's coming back. That's just my gut." As for nemesis Kelly Bensimon signing on early, she says, "I mean, she jumped in the water first because she kind of wanted to resurrect her horrendous reputation. Which, you know, good luck with that. So, yeah. That happened." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Brooklyn set designer Michael Myers has filed a lawsuit against What Not To Wear production designer Michael Venedicto because he says he's owed $50,000. [N.Y. Post]
• Heidi Klum explains how she lost her baby wight just two months after giving birth to her son Henry: "I've never really had any special girdle machines or anything like that," she said. "For me, it's, you know, really healthy foods, exercising, playing with the children, going to the park. Normal things.... I've never done diets, but I also do not sit on the couch with my feet up and eat one potato chip bag after the next and one burger after the other. I think you have to kind of do a little bit of everything." [USA Today]
• When asked who she would want to roast, Joan Rivers first replied Michael Jackson, then changed her answer to Brooke Shields, saying her speech at his memorial was less about remembering her friend and more about getting some "face time," since Brooke hadn't seen Michael since the early 1990s. [TMZ]
• Joan Rivers says of her plastic surgery guide Men Are Stupid And Like Big Boobs, "I did a lot of research for it. I haven't had as much as everyone thinks. You have to know how much to do and when to do it. I recommend doing a little bit at a time, otherwise you look like you've been through a wind tunnel. Robert Redford looks like he's in the Witness Protection Program. He could actually kill a man and get away with it now." [AP]

The Good: Yay for Abigail Breslin: She looks age appropriate and looks like she dressed herself. In other words, nothing really matches, but I'm totally down with it. Cameron Diaz might be sporting a silly Samantha Jones haircut, but her dress is, like, cute. Aw, Jordin Sparks turned Chloe orange into Nickelodeon orange!

The Bad: Oh Amy Poehler, the contrived irony is killing me. Ashlee Simpson wins herself a "bad" award for appearing totally unrecognizable. (And wearing Chanel accessories.) I'm convinced that Hayden Panettiere owns 12 of the exact same dress in different colors. Sadly, none of them are tailored quite right. Go ahead and hate on me: I just prefer Jodie Foster looking a little more polished. And not in a bootcut jean.

The Ugly: Miley Cyrus? Or one of the Real Housewives? Rihanna had her fucking legs insured: Why must she hide them in such unflattering pants?!

[Images via AP.]

• Star's juiciest filler feature is about Rachael Ray's crusade against studio audience members who dress tackily. On-set, she bans prints, velour pantsuits, sweats, T-shirts, sequins, capri pants, ripped jeans, and tank tops. This is the best kind of filler: While clearly based on a single horrified email sent by a sequined, denim capri-pant-wearing reader from Tuscaloosa, the weirdness of the story makes it seem juicy. Grade: B+
• In a more prototypical filler feature, Star runs a four-page guide to picking up celebs which "stars" Steve-O and Lost actress (wait, someone gave this ho an actual job? On an actual network television show?) Bai Ling divulging the top 5 pickup lines that worked on/for them, respectively. Bai: "Are you gay?" Steve-O: "Can I tempt you with this joint?" Grade: C
• InTouch gets the prize for most dubious filler content for the two pages it runs this week suggesting the contestants of this season's American Idol are actually hybrids of two previously-established celebrities, with Sanjaya being the cross of drunk churchgoer Paula Abdul and Harold & Kumar Kumar Kal Penn. Grade: D
• US fills two spreads, starting on page 66, by resurrecting celeb yearbook photos you've seen on 1,000 reruns of E! True Hollywood Story and using them to pose the question "Would They Have Dated In High School?" to Mo Rocca. This type of filler is a favorite of writers, obviously, because they get to e-mail Mo Rocca, and we enjoy being reminded that some celebrities are older than 23, and some even existed in the era of overteased-hair. Grade: C
• Life & Style, a magazine not long ago almost wholly comprised of filler, runs a story (page 72) on celebrities and hypnotherapy, detailing how Fergie, Martha Stewart, Drew Barrymore and Debra Messing all used hypnotherapy to conquer addictions and fears (Debra was afraid of being underwater!) Another page is devoted to fun facts like about how the average woman spends 385 hours a year shopping, which we think sounds low, since we spend at least that much time per year standing in checkout lines trying not to buy these fucking magazines. Grade: D.
• Finally, US devotes an entire page (70, for those of you following along!) to asking Ashlee Simpson how she manages to stay thin (Ashlee says if she wants bread, she doesn't eat a whole loaf... just a few slices!). We also learn that Ashlee wants to collaborate with The Cure. Grade: A+

Rachel Ray Enforces Strict Dress Code [StarPulse]

Who cares.

View the Simpson double whammy below. And check out Dolly Parton. Do they do facial liposuction? Who knew?