• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up, for real this time.

It is, naturally, "amicable and mutual." [Extra via Gossip Cop]

• Robert Pattinson and his Remember Me costar Emilie de Ravin had a "secret" date! Except it's not a secret, because we know about it. And it wasn't so much a date but a photoshoot for Vogue. Apparently the "theme" of the photoshoot is a date at the museum (LACMA, Los Angeles County Museum Of Art) and the look is edgy, tattered high fashion. [E!]
• Jessica Simpson went to see sister Ashlee in Chicago on Broadway and asked for popcorn in the lobby. [Page Six]
• Roman Polanski will spend Christmas and New Year's Eve in his Alpine chalet: "Swiss authorities say they will decide early next year on whether to extradite director Roman Polanski to the United States." [AP]
• Apparently Elin Nordegren is "not going to be one of those 'stand by her man' women," according to a source: "Forgiveness isn't exactly around the corner." Next stop: Splitsville. [MSNBC Scoop]
• This report claims that Elin Nordegren wants half of Tiger Woods' $548 million. I can barely even wrap my mind around how much money that is. [Mirror]
• Um, Charles Barkley and Spike Lee are concerned about Tiger Woods. Apparently he's not speaking to Barkley or any of his famous friends. In a one hour special, to air Sunday on HLN, Barkley says: "I think when you have these fires in your life, as I call them, you need to talk to somebody else who is famous who [has] been through things in their life… I don't think you can talk about it to your family and friends, because your family and friends, they're not famous." Lee says: "He's insulated… If Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan can't get to him, and those are his boys, then other people are making bad moves." [CNN]
• Tiger Woods' high school girlfriend says Tiger was devastated by his father cheating. "He would just call crying and say, 'My dad is with another woman,' and that would be all he could say," she says. "He would be so upset, so I just tried to be there for him and listen to him." Hopefully he is talking about this in therapy. [E!]
• Tiger's ladyfriend Jamie Junger says she partied in Las Vegas with Tiger Woods and Charles Barkley, gambling for hours in a VIP area: "Tiger would occasionally put his hand on my leg but it was underneath the table… There was nobody around except the blackjack dealer, the roulette dealer and a cocktail waitress who would come in the room. There was nobody in that room except for myself, Tiger and Charles Barkley." [Radar Online]
• In an exclusive story, People is reporting that Elin Nordegren plans to divorce Tiger Woods. A source says: "She's made up her mind. There's nothing to think about: he's never going to change." [People]
• This report claims Elin is planning to take the kids to spend the holidays with her family in Sweden. [NY Daily News]
• Lady Gaga is the most-listened to artist of the year, according to Last.fm. [Mirror]
• Carrie Underwood is on the cover of Self, and inside, she says: "Before I die, I want to get rid of all my money… Recently, I started a foundation to benefit my hometown [the Checotah Animal, Town and School Foundation: C.A.T.S.]. I'm looking forward to doing a lot of good for a community that's a big part of why I am who I am." [People via Self]
• Young Victoria star Emily Blunt says she sees a correlation between being a celebrity today and Queen Victoria: "Queen Victoria was a celebrity of that time." She also says, of being famous: "I'm not hounded in any way, like so many people are. It's not that life changing or life inhibiting. I feel like you can make a choice. I really do. And you can have an aura about you that doesn't attract that kind of attention. You just find the dive bars. That's my advice. Go get a cheeseburger and find a dive-bar. But that's how I like to live my life. Some people don't like to live it that way. Some people want to go to those places, the chic, chic places and go to the scenes. That's their choice." [BlackBook]
• A "source" says A-Rod broke up with Kate Hudson a week ago, but wanted to break up with her over a week ago. [Us]
• Kate Hudson and her mom Goldie Hawn did some "boy-bashing" at a bar Monday night over drinks. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Gosselin is lonely. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Newsflash: Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker actually like each other. [Daily Express]
• Sarah Jessica Parker calls motherhood "the most perfectly overwhelming experience." [People]
• The dude who tried to blackmail David Letterman tried to "mask" the transaction s a business deal, prosecutors said in court Tuesday. [USA Today]
• This column alleges that the guy was so paranoid that he thought David Letterman might kill him over the extortion plot. [Page Six]
• The man accused of secretly videotaping Erin Andrews naked pled guilty to one count of interstate stalking. [TMZ]
• Usher, Michelle Trachtenberg, John Legend, Leighton Meester and Beyoncé were spotted at Robin Thicke's album release party. [Page Six]
• Snoop Dogg smoking weed? You don't say. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl pseudo-spoiler involving Chuck Bass at the link. [Gatecrasher]
• Before the Golden Globe nomination announcements, Quentin Tarantino said, "I'm not nervous… I'll either get something or I won't. We'll see." Inglourious Basterds got a best supporting actor nod for Christolph Waltz, as well as best motion picture, drama; director and screenplay. [LA Times]
• Rumor has it Tobey Maguire will play Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit, but he says: "I have not met or spoken to Guillermo del Toro or Peter Jackson or anybody. Nobody has given me a script or approached me about it. Somebody actually sent me that link that said that I had a conversation with the director and it was just not true." [Access Hollywood]
• General Hospital and "Jessie's Girl" fans: Rick Springfield is working on a memoir, Late, Late At Night, which will detail his long battle with depression. [AP]
• Diddy is not, repeat, not getting married. Adjust accordingly. [Page Six]
• Motley Crue's Vince Neil allegedly owes $62,000 in unpaid legal fees. [Contact Music]
• Alec Baldwin has donated $1 million to Tisch School of the Arts at NYU for a scholarship fund. [Gatecrasher]
• Isabella Rossellini has been studying at NYU for her final exams in animal behavior and environmental science. [Gatecrasher]
• "The administrators of Michael Jackson's estate and a cadre of attorneys are seeking millions for managing the King of Pop's affairs after death, court documents filed Tuesday show." [USA Today, TMZ]
• Morgan Spurlock versus Harvey Weinstein? Details at the link. [Page Six]
• RIP Joseph Tierney, who served 16 years on the Boston City Council — and is Maura Tierney's dad. [Boston]
• Blind items! "Which television anchor is frantically denying he had an affair with his wife's sister?" And: "Which Hollywood hottie is less than impressed with her ex-boy friend's equipment? She's telling friends he's a flop in the sack." [Page Six]
• "If she's angry, I allow her to say, 'Damn! I'm so frustrated today!' We have our moments when we clash, but we have a good relationship. I want her to count on me to try to understand what she's going through. No damnation, no condemnation, nothing that's going to make her feel like she can't come to me." — Whitney Houston on daughter Bobbie Kristina, aka Krissy. Whitney's looking good on the cover of In Style, there's a pic at the link. [People via InStyle]
• "I have always performed. I have always brought music to people. I know that the sound at the O2 is phenomenal. I know that it holds about - be still, my heart - 15,000 people. And I hope that our lovely show will satisfy and fill that vast arena. I think it will, but I also know that it will be very daunting…I can sing-speak, I do have some bass notes that I discovered, and I do have just a couple of tricks up my sleeve that I think will surprise people. I'm a little nervous, more than a little nervous. I'm also excited and pleased to be bringing this concert to London. It's a gorgeous evening of music and I'm thrilled to be bringing it to London. As far as I'm concerned, they're not going to be hearing the Julie they used to hear. But I will be using my voice the best I know how these days. Some notes I can't try again. The truth is I don't have the soprano voice I used to have. But I do have a few solid bass notes that I will employ to the best of my ability." — Julie Andrews, on her concert, coming in May 2010 — her first since a throat operation threatened to silence her forever. [Daily Mail]
• "I made this terrible decision early on when I said I thought Watson should have a starched collar. Then, with it on, I could barely swallow my sandwiches at lunchtime." — Jude Law, on his Sherlock Holmes wardrobe. [Telegraph]
• "When Rob Marshall called me up and said, 'We are going to do this film about the story of Fellini and I would like you to be in it,' I was very proud of it because I was the only Italian in the film to be able to say Italian movies are still wonderful all over the world. So, I accepted in a very nice way and Rob told me — he was lying, of course — that he was not going to do the film if I wasn't in it. So, I said, 'For the sake of his career, it's OK, I'm going to be in it.' I did it and here I am to answer your questions… Italians will be the same always, all the time… Italians are a people that have a lot of heart, a lot to say in every field and we will always be very successful ... and proud of being Italian." — The legendary Sophia Loren, on Nine. She has probably not seen Jersey Shore. [UPI]
• "Animals aren't easy, but what's annoying about children is that everyone loves them and I resent that. I only work with ugly children." — Hugh Grant. [People]
• "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough, to get the right one." — Russell Brand. [Page Six]

#10: "8 Days Of Christmas" By Destiny's Child
Year: 2001

If you're a female pop star making a Christmas video, you really have no choice but to wear a sexy Santa costume, so let's ignore the fact that Michelle is frolicking in the snow in a midriff-baring top. Like many Destiny's Child songs, "8 Days of Christmas" focuses on the exchange of goods and services between you and your "baby." While some say Christmas is about spending time with your loved ones, according to Destiny's Child. nothing "feels like Christmas" more than gift certificates, diamond belly rings, and a "crop jacket with dirty denim jeans."

#9: "Christmas in Hollis" By Run-DMC
Year: 1987

Most of the videos on this list are unintentionally ridiculous, but here Run-DMC purposely turns cheesiness into a thing of beauty. In this video we learn that Santa's base of operations is in the basement of a TV studio, he decides who's naughty or nice on a modified Simon Says, and that Run, DMC, and Jay grew up in a house constructed entirely out of cardboard.

#8: "Where Are You Christmas" By Faith Hill
Year: 2000

In this video from the How The Grinch Stole Christmas soundtrack, Faith Hill belts out a holiday power ballad while sporting crimped hair and a furry jacket that makes her look like the Abominable Snow Monster. Faith's howling and fist pounding really capture the pathos of Jim Carrey being trapped in a giant rubber Grinch suit. The video includes a cameo by Gossip Girl's Taylor Momsen, but it would be much more entertaining if the Grinch took the red straps from Faith's giant belt and made her pull his sleigh instead of the dog.

#7: "This Christmas" By Chris Brown
Year: 2007

Even if you forget everything you know about Chris Brown, this video is still horrifying. Unless the movie This Christmas is about Chris harnessing his Jedi powers, there's no reason for him to be turning on lights or breaking into people's houses with his mind. Plus, the last thing anyone wants to wake up to on Christmas morning is three Chris Browns doing a Michael Jackson impersonation in the middle of their street.

#6: "Wonderful Christmas Time" By Paul McCartney
Year: 1979

Paul and Linda McCartney look like they're having fun in this video, but why does their simply wonderful Christmas time include them crashing to Earth in a giant Rubik's Cube? This video must have been created the week after the editor figured out how to do computer animation — that's the only reasonable explanation for Paul singing a duet with his CGI twin and allowing his band to be trampled by a pack of phantom horses.

#5: "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" By David Bowie and Bing Crosby
Year: 1977

Though this duet was filmed for Bing Crosby's Merrie Olde Christmas, for some reason David Bowie gets an original song while Bing Crosby is stuck with the "pa rum pa pum pum"s on Little Drummer Boy. But what makes this video cheesy isn't the song, it's the setup. Are we really supposed to believe that Bing has a relative named "Sir Percival"? And why doesn't David Bowie own his own piano? At least one part rings true: If we had to pick the two stars most likely to break into song with a perfect stranger, it would be Bing and Bowie.

#4: "Little Drummer Boy" By RuPaul
Year: 1993

Bing and Bowie have nothing on RuPaul's version of "Little Drummer Boy," which features a beggar drumming a funky beat, lady shepherds singing backup, and the Star of Bethlehem wedged in a foot-high wig. The best part is when RuPaul struts over to Baby Jesus, though it seems this part got cut from the gospels.

#3: "Hey Santa" By Carnie & Wendy Wilson
Year: 1993

This video starts with Carnie Wilson getting glass shards from a snow globe blown into her eyes, and grows more unsettling from there. Behind-the-scenes on the most unsafe music video set ever, we see the director getting electrocuted, beating a little person with a candy cane, and throwing Santa into the Christmas tree. Finally, Wendy chokes him and tries to leave his body behind the couch while Carnie continues to whine about Santa bringing her boyfriend home for Christmas. Hey Santa... Watch out, it's a trap!

#2: "Winter Wonderland" By Ozzy Osbourne and Jessica Simpson
Year: 2003

In this video from The Osbournes' Family Christmas Special Jessica Simpson dons her most festive halter top for some yuletide fun with the Prince of Darkness. This includes cuddling by the fire sans Sharon, building an anatomically correct snowman, and Ozzy throwing a snowball in Jess' mouth.

While we don't recommend playing this song when children or small dogs are in earshot, it still isn't Jess' worst Christmas duet ever. That would be the "Little Drummer Boy" sing-off in which she's pitted against her little sister Ashlee Simpson (and Ashlee's old nose).

#1: "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays" By 'N Sync
Year: 1998
Being named the cheesiest anything isn't a tall order for 'N Sync, but it seems they went out of their way to embarrass themselves in this video. That's where Gary Coleman comes in. His presence raises so many questions, like where would one buy a child-size green vinyl pimp suit? And how long has he had the ability to summon 'N Sync by snapping his fingers?

In the clip, the boys are given the simple task of filling in for Santa, but due to their love of freak dancing they fail miserably. 'N Sync's green screen adventure begins with them handing out gifts to extras who, judging from the strategically placed dirt smudges, are supposed to be homeless. 'N Sync projects holiday greetings on the wall in several languages, since the boys think most bums are ethnic-types. After deserting their homeless brethren and changing into clothes that are three sizes too big, 'N Sync happens upon a group of children abandoned in their living room and brings them to an adult party as their kiddie entourage. It's particularly troubling when you consider what type of gift Justin Timberlake likes to put in those boxes.

• Taylor Swift received eight Grammy nominations. "I started freaking out and jumping up and down," she claims. On winning one, she says:

"The thought of that absolutely is something that you daydream about." Taylor, Imma let you finish, but Beyoncé has TEN Grammy noms. [AP, People]

• Details on the Grammy noms at this link. [NY Post]
• Taylor Swift has also inked a video-on-demand deal with Comcast. [Reuters]
• Rachel Uchitel, the first woman accused of having an affair with Tiger Woods — and who denied that she had one — is MAYBE ready to admit that she did hook up with the golfer; her attorney, Gloria Allred, has set up a press conference, which will take place today. [Radar Online]
• Here's the deal: Rachel Uchitel supposedly lied when denying an affair with Tiger Woods to protect him. And she was the one — not Jaimee Grubbs — whose texts caused an argument between Tiger and his wife. [TMZ]
• File this under shit you never wanted to know: Tiger Woods' alleged mistress, Jaimee Grubbs, "has a history of chasing famous sports professionals, tried to get into Playboy and made a sex tape." [Radar Online]
• By the by: Tiger Woods offered Jaimee Grubbs a job: he offered her a condo or apartment, and he said she could stay there for free and "sort of manage the property." [Radar Online]
• Kalika Moquin, alleged mistress #3, had no idea who Tiger Woods was when she first met him, according to sources. When she found out he was a millionaire golfer, she started hooking up with him. [TMZ]
• Ugh: Cheater-oriented website Ashley Madison wants Tiger to do ads and promotion for them. And porn company Vivid Entertainment is offering $1 million to any woman who has proof she was Tiger's lover and signs a contract with them. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods' sponsors are standing by him, and, since he makes $110 million a year in endorsements, that's a big deal. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods and his wife and in "intense marriage counseling." And Elin Nordegren has demanded "a total rewrite on the couple's prenuptial agreement." [Us Weekly]
• More on the Tiger Woods prenup renegotiation here. [The Daily Beast]
• Someone at a Las Vegas club spilled a drink on Orlando Bloom's shirt, so, naturally, one of his friends called the John Varvatos store and within 30 minutes, someone arrived with three brand new shirts. Right there in a packed 200-capacity dining room, Orlando took off the soiled shirt and put on a new one. Girlfriend Miranda Kerr was one of those admiring the view. [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's interview with ABC News' Robin Roberts will air on 20/20 Friday night; in this promo, Chris says: "I never ever had problems with anger. No, no domestic violence with any of my past girlfriends. I never was that kind of person. ... I look at it, and it's really, like really difficult. It's like, 'How could I be that person?'" [ABC News]
• Oprah will have a "significant presence" on OWN, her cable network launching in 2011, but she won't be doing a cable version of her talk show. [NY Post]
• George Clooney's girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis is on the cover of German FHM wearing… very little. Also, the mag calls her "Fraulein Clooney." [NY Daily News]
• Will George Stephanopoulos replace Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America? [NY Post]
• Colin Firth stars in A Single Man, a film written and director by fashion guru Tom Ford. Colin says: "He told me I looked good, but I'd look better if I had a personal trainer." Tom corrects: "I told him he was fat." [NY Times]
• Oh, great. "Despite falling ratings, MTV's The Hills will return for a sixth season." You know why? Because MTV has NOTHING else. [Variety]
• People who squabble on The Hills do shots together when the cameras are not rolling. [Page Six]
• ABC has canceled Adam Lambert performances AGAIN — this time on Jimmy Kimmel Live and New Year's Rockin' Eve. Glambert Tweeted: "Yes, sadly friends, ABC has canceled my appearances on Kimmel and NYE. :( don't blame them. It's the FCC heat ... I AM doing Leno though. And lookin into something for NYE ... It'll all blow over. Let's focus on being positive! :)" [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Whee: Ricky Gervais will host the 2010 Golden Globes. [Variety]
• Michael Lohan, ever the underminer, predicts that Jon Gosselin will lose TLC's breach of contract lawsuit against him. [MSNBC]
• In this piece, people have amusing things to say about Viggo Mortensen. The Road director John Hillcoat says: "He's a passionate guy." Director Peter Jackson says: "I just didn't know how gung-ho he'd be for everything… [If a scene called for Mortensen to climb a mountain], he'd be the guy who slept outside in a sleeping bag to get a start on the day." Fran Walsh, Jackson's partner and Lord of the Rings co-writer, says: "He's almost like a hippie. We picked him up at the airport one time, and he wasn't wearing shoes. I still have no idea how he got through the airport barefoot." Viggo himself says: "I know it sounds clichéd, but I didn't want to do anything for fame. I just love the arts." [USA Today]
• Sometimes Page Six is like a celebrity message board; today the bulletin is for Alec Baldwin's former girlfriend, Nicole Seidel: He still loves you and would do anything to get you back. [Page Six]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Tom Brady knows the sex of the fetus Gisele is carrying, even though Gisele does not. He says: "It's a pretty good feeling knowing something that no one else knows." [People]
• Ashlee Simpson has already succeeded in pissing off the cast of Chicago, and she just made her debut on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Page Six claims Candice Bergen and Anna Paquin "just missed each other" at a hotel in Long Island; obviously no one at the column saw this picture from the set of The Romantics. [Page Six]
• Rosie Perez effed up her job presenting awards at the Gotham Independent Film Awards on Monday night. [Gatecrasher]
• Mother-daughter bonding! Candy and Tori Spelling have been mending their relationship! Candy says: "I'm looking forward to a lot of wonderful things. We have taken this private, which is what I've always wanted and I think so did Tori, and I'm really thrilled." [E!]
• Fresh-out-of-the-closet Meredith Baxter is writing a book about her life and shopping the story. [Page Six]
• Steven Keaton supports Elyse Keaton's decision to come out. [People]
• Yasmin LeBon critiques Simon LeBon's gigs with Duran Duran: "I give him a debrief after the show – the lights, the sound. I just can't help it." [Daily Mail]
• Hulk Hogan is engaged to girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel. [NY Daily News]
• "I was supposed to be his assistant as well as work with him on a book and other endorsements such as a motorcycle line and a kids clothing line, and kids' stackable furniture. His contract with TLC never came up. It didn't seem to concern him." — Kate Major, in a deposition in TLC's lawsuit against Jon Gosselin. [Radar Online]
• "I'm trying to find roles that demand more adulthood from me because you can get stuck in a very awful cute cycle as a woman in film - especially being such a small person. I'm a really late bloomer. In my own life, it's only been the last couple of years where I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm not totally an adult but…" — Natalie Portman. [USA Today]
• "I feel like a human being again. There was one point in time where I felt like...[Sighs.] I don't know-I felt like plastic. I think I looked plastic. My face, fat plastic. [Laughs.] I was eating, but the Vicodin made me hungry because it eats up your stomach lining, so you want to fill your stomach back up, but then it stops you up so you can't shit, you just-That's why I was gaining so much weight, I was just so fucking bloated. It's a trip when people take sobriety for granted. Feeling trapped in my addiction and then getting sober-you appreciate it so much more, because I didn't know if I would ever know what it's like to feel normal again, ever." — Eminem, who has been sober for 19 months, talks about drugs, music, Dr. Dre and much much more in an extensive interview. [Complex]
• "When you read things about Michael Jackson it's hard to decipher what the fuck is true, but there's the story of how he woke up at whatever time and he needed something to go back to sleep because he had this or that and it didn't work. That's exactly what used to happen to me: I would take a couple of pills and I would be up an hour later and I'd want more. Then I'd take more and that would be enough to maybe get me back to sleep for two more hours. Then I'd be wide awake again. So I definitely can relate, and it's a shame if he didn't have anybody there to just say, 'Michael, you're an addict, you need help.' It's one of the pitfalls of fame. I could just say, 'Yo, I need this and this and this,' and they're going to give me whatever I want…" — Eminem. [Complex]
• "I overdid everything. I was hung over for two years. If I didn't drink, I didn't do anything. It was bad. [My new album] is not all about getting sober. The problem is, I did all the drinking for my whole life in a two-year span. I wish I had spaced it out. Drinking is great. It makes you happy. But the next day, it makes everything feel as twice as bad as it was before. So what's the point? It's delicious but poisonous." — Julian Casablancas. [CNN]
• "[Being armed and dangerous] turns me on in a way I that I shouldn't be saying. It's boring to always play the victim or the compliant little woman. Eff that! Why don't you have my baby and wait at home while I go kill some mother[bleepers]? It's just very empowering." — Zoe Saldana. [Page Six]
• "[After 30 Rock, I would like to manage a Laytner's Linen on the upper West Side. Every time I'm in there, I wish I worked there — free towels." — Tina Fey. [Gatecrasher via Entertainment Weekly]

• The Tiger Woods case may be closed, but a Los-Angeles based cocktail waitress, Jaimee Grubbs, is telling Us Weekly that she had a 31-month fling with Tiger. And:

Another woman from a nightclub in Las Vegas is expected to be named any minute now. Can of worms, you guys. Can of worms. [MSNBC Scoop]

• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Us Weekly has voicemails from Tiger Woods in which he says: "Hey, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Can you please take your name off your phone? My wife went through my phone and may be calling you. So if you can, please take your name off that. Just have it as a number on the voicemail. You got to do this for me. Huge. Quickly. Bye." You can listen at the link. [Us Weekly]
• Jaimee Grubbs, the alleged recipient of the voicemail, allegedly bragged about her relationship with Tiger at work and played the voicemail for coworkers. Allegedly. [TMZ]
• Jaimee Grubbs also says she has photos and hundreds of "racy" text messages from Tiger Woods. [NY Daily News]
• More on Tiger's sexting here. One message reads: "I will wear you out... when was the last time you got [bleeped]?" [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Tiger Woods booked and paid for Rachel Uchitel's trip to meet him in Australia in November. [Radar Online]
• Lindsay Lohan was out Monday night, hanging with John Mayer and Samantha Ronson, and was "totally sober and well-behaved." No, really. [Page Six]
• According to this column, John Mayer was "playing relationship counselor" to Sam and Lindsay — getting Sam to talk to Lindsay, whom she initially ignored. The two ended up spending much of the night talking and laughing! John Mayer is magic! [Gatecrasher]
• Caaaaaaashmere sweaters! Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode may be back next year! [CNN]
• Like Taylor swift, Bon Jovi and Gwen Stefani, Jay-Z is suing an establishment for playing his music without paying. [TMZ]
• What's this? Justin Timberlake's new hair looks like his old hair? You don't say. [Gatecrasher]
• Adam Lambert is hoping one of his songs will be in the Twilight movie Eclipse: "It's kind of about vampires," he explains. "It's a great song. It's very theatrical ... very campy." SHOCKING. [Gatecrasher via MTV]
• Tragic times we live in: Britney Spears, Rihanna, David Beckham, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom were all seen at LAX Monday — and they all few commercial. [Gatecrasher via X17]
• George Clooney's frequent flier tip: Wear slip-on shoes. "The shoes you have to tie, they take forever." But: "I never wear those goofy masks on my eyes. I am too worried about the guy in the next seat taking a picture of me. That is one photo that you can't live down." [People]
• Kim Kardashian has finally reached her "goal" in terms of her body, and you can see what that looks like in a pic at the link. [NY Daily News]
• Another amazing Twitter pic: Tyra and her real hair! [NY Daily News]
• The Russell Crowe Robin Hood movie promises to be "epic" and those involved are looking to "recreate that Gladiator magic." Production is "massive," claims Ridley Scott. Russell Crowe says: "I don't think there is a satisfying Robin Hood and that's one of the key reasons for wanting to make another one." Expect to see Robin with cropped hair and a beard, much like Maximus. [News.com.au]
• Clint Eastwood, who directed the Nelson Mandela film Invictus, says he finds Mandela "Christ-like." "There are just no people like this on the planet." [Showbiz 411]
• Stevie Wonder has been named a United Nations Messenger of Peace, which is a brilliant idea. [UPI]
• Rah rah ah ah ah: Barry Manilow hearts Lady Gaga. "I really think she's got something going for her," he says. [Reuters]
• Barry should know that a teen panel has declared that Lady Gaga and Jamie Foxx songs are the musical equivalent of junk food with "unhealthy relationship ingredients." But: "We aren't telling people what they should or should not be listening to," Barbara Ferrer, of the Boston Public Health Commission, said in a statement. "We are giving them a tool that will help them make an informed choice about what they put in their bodies." Fourteen teens attended a seven-week commission-sponsored institute on healthy relationship promotion and teen dating violence prevention, where they were taught to evaluate music based on themes of power, control, equality and gender roles. [USA Today]
• Sting was asked: "Do you feel uncomfortable travelling between various homes in various continents at enormous carbon cost?" by Newsnight's Jeremy Paxman, who added: You're not being blamed for the global crisis, you're just being called a hypocrite." Sting "squirmed in his seat." [Guardian]
• OMG OMG OMG: Joan Collins is hoping to take her makeover TV show Joan Does Glamour to the US! Hairspray, diamonds and shoulder pads for everyone! [Mirror]
• "Customers who buy a diamond at Ivanka Trump's Bridal Bar, where rings start at $15,000, will get a three-course dinner with champagne and a night in a Trump hotel in Manhattan." Get engaged — get a room. [Ny Daily News]
• Corey Feldman's going through a divorce and wants joint custody of his son and doesn't want to give his wife spousal support. [TMZ]
• Little Richard is out of the hospital after hip surgery and wants to work hard at recovery so he can "get back on the road as soon as possible." Let's hope he's feeling Tutti Frutti ASAP. [AP]
• Norah Jones has won her battle to transform the windowless side wall of her Amity Street mansion in Brooklyn's Cobble Hill by punching out 10 windows. [Brooklyn Paper]
• "Oscar-nominated actor James Woods has settled a lawsuit against a hospital in Rhode Island where his younger brother Michael died in 2006." [Mirror]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname reunited… To watch their son's nativity play. [The Sun]
• "I did show my line at Bryant Park, which is not in this season, but I knew that I had to really prove myself as a designer more than anybody else out there. There are so many celebrity lines and there are so many reality show lines, actually, that haven't really done well and haven't shown much design sense. So I had to prove myself even more, that I really did take this seriously. I think no one ever expected me to put so much heart and soul into it. I guess the verdict is still out regarding what they think of my talent." — Whitney Port. Lots more at the link. [LA Times]
• "We as a family are under a lot pressure. [People want] to make us look bad and wants us to fail. [With the Melrose Place firing, the world], again, always want to make it look like we're failures but we're really just a family that works hard. My children look at ups and downs and rise up above it all and remain strong...We're just normal people, and we always try to be who we say we are." — Joe Simpson on his daughters Ashlee and Jessica. [Us Magazine]
• "They are all different. I have died with my eyes open, which is more interesting than dying with your eyes shut. I can't remember how I died as Tolstoy, but I have done Cyrano de Bergerac on stage and I died with my eyes opened. I think that's marvelous, because in the theater the lights hold to your open eyes and it's kind of marvelously frightening for a second." — Christopher Plummer, who plays Tolstoy in his latest film The Last Station. [LA Times]
• "I think we should say something about class in America. It's the dirty little secret nobody wants to talk about… What about the people at the top who are evil and corrupt and don't want to change and don't want to give up the positions of power that they inhabit to make other people suffer and to make actual real horror in the world? They don't want to change. What do we do about them?" — Roseanne Barr tries to be the voice of the disappearing American middle class on her radio show, "The Tipping Point." [LA Times]
• "I think she's probably quite nervous... She's smart but make no mistakes, this will be a very different kind of show than what you're used to. Obviously everyone wants to sit next to me. I am thinking about pulling names out of a hat." — Simon Cowell on Ellen DeGeneres joining the judging panel on American Idol. [Mirror]
• "You can still contribute even if you are not as fortunate as I am. I've been blessed and I've been over-rewarded for what I do and I'm trying to give my time and my resources but you know, I'm a rich rock star, so shoot me." — Bono, urging people to buy products from the (RED) brand, which funds aid projects in Africa. [Telegraph]
• "A lot's changed since I was on TV. We have a black president now. Actually, Obama called me and asked me to help him with his campaign. He said he had two rules for me — don't use the 'N' word, and stay off TV. Figures the first black president would run on a platform of only taxing the rich, and now I'm rich!" — Dave Chappelle, in a surprise visit to Caroline's comedy club. [Page Six]
• "OK, so I didn't really go to high school parties. I didn't touch pot 'til I was in my 20s. I didn't get flat-out drunk until I went to college [Harvard]. But I think that's a good thing in many ways." — Natalie Portman. [Page Six via Marie Claire]
• "Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I'm chafed." — George Clooney, joking about Up In The Air. [People]

[New York, November 30. Image via WENN.]

• 'Sup Twihards? This column alleges Robert Pattinson is a "hot property" thanks to New Moon's record-breaking box office this weekend…

The flick sold more tix on opening day than The Dark Knight did last year. Personally, I don't think the Sparkle Vamp did it all alone: The story, KStew, and the Buff Werewolf deserve part of the blame credit. [Daily Mail]

• Fans pretended they were guests of the Bowery Hotel so they could catch a glimpse of Robert Pattinson drinking in the hotel bar. [Gatecrasher]
• Despite being painfully tedious, New Moon earned $140.7 million during its first three days of release in the US and Canada, and is now third behind The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2 in terms of record opening weekends. [Reuters]
• Sandra Bullock had a big weekend as well: The Blind Side made about $34.5 million, the best opening of her career — just over The Proposal's $33.6 million weekend. [ONTD via Entertainment Weekly]
• Last night at the AMAs, Michael Jackson won four, but Taylor Swift walked away with six, including artists of the year. [USA Today]
• This piece claims that Miley Cyrus' '80s-themed 17th birthday bash was a surprise party, but didn't we hear that she wore a Pretty Woman ensemble? She must have been tipped off. [People]
• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse proposed to Blake Fielder Civil? And he said yes? Blaaaaake allegedly told a source: "We've been talking on the phone five or six times a day. On Friday she told me she was going to put the engagement ring [I gave her the first time around] on. We'd changed our status to married on Facebook a couple of weeks back but that was more of a laugh. This is the real deal. She told me she wanted to get married again. I feel so happy." [News Of The World]
• Lindsay Lohan allegedly wanted to pick up a bunch of stuff from trendy LA store Kitson — without paying. A source says it's ridiculous, especially since the store carries her 6126 leggings line: "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them." [Daily Express]
• Britney Spears invited several girls from a children's hospital backstage before a show in Sydney, Australia. A nice gesture, and also an attempt to get the lip-sync stories out of the news? [Radar Online]
• Seven bulls being used in the Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz movie Knight & Day (previously titled Wichita) escaped and ran through the streets of Cadiz, Spain. Two people were hurt as the bulls headed for the beach. [EW]
• Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Pierce Brosnan and Neil Patrick Harris attended the 2009 CNN Heroes Awards, honoring people who make a difference in the lives of others. [NY Daily News]
• If you watch Jude Law do yoga on the balcony of his apartment, he will throw oranges at you. You've been warned. [Just Jared]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Back on? They were spotted out at a club doing shots, holding hands, acting cozy, etc. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Jude Law and Colin Farrell better as supporting actors? [NY Mag]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin had an all-day mediation hearing in Pennsylvania on Saturday, and Jon "didn't dispute Kate having primary custody of the kids," according to a source. Jon showed up with a bouquet of roses, which Kate refused to take: "In what should have been their most serious moment as a couple," says the source, "Jon again resorted to a publicity stunt." [People, Us]
• Heidi Klum's request to become Heidi Samuel: Approved. [NY Daily News]
• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson celebrated Bronx Mowgli's first birthday with a bouncehouse, a cake and someone dressed as SpongeBob. And, presumably: Flatirons; eyeliner. [People]
• LOL: "Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe defended by Draco Malfoy in cannabis row." [Telegraph]
• Eyeroll: Lauren Conrad has a style book coming out next fall. [NY Daily News]
• The Discovery Channel is psyched to be partnering with Oprah in her attempts to create OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. [UPI]
• At the link, quotes from Ellen DeGeneres, Gayle King and Martha Stewart about Oprah and her decision to end her show; Gayle says: "Oprah always makes the best decision for herself… And I have a feeling she will come up with some things to do. We don't need to worry about her filling her time, I promise you that." [NY Daily News]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child in May and have already picked names: "We like Julian if it's a boy and Isabella if it's a girl," he says. Personally I think it's weird (possibly unlucky) to name so early… and to tell People. Thoughts? [People]
• Meg Ryan and Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon? Going on dates? He's Australian, like Russell Crowe, with whom Meg allegedly had an affair, thus ending her marriage to Dennis Quaid. Oh, and McMahon maybe has a girlfriend. [News.com.au]
• Investigators found a receipt showing that Dr. Conrad Murray purchased propofol on May 12 and administered doses from that batch to Michael Jackson in the hours before his death on June 25. [NY Post]
• Gwen Stefani and Jon Bon Jovi are suing ally's Saloon and Eatery in Minneapolis, Minnesota for playing their songs without the proper music license. (?!?!) [Daily Express]
• U2 will headline the Glastonbury festival on Friday night. [The Sun]
• Aerosmith is not looking for a new lead singer, despite reports to the contrary. [UPI]
• Levi Johnston's mom: Going to jail on an intent to distribute OxyContin charge. [NY Post]
• This column asks if Leona Lewis will have Titanic-style success with her theme song for James Cameron's Avatar, but I doubt the movie will enjoy Titanic-style adoration. [LA Times]
• Robbie Williams is looking for investors, if you have $83 mil. [Reuters]
• Creed's Scott Stapp tells Spin magazine there's no actual sex in his 1999 sex tape. You know, the one where he and Kid Rock were on a bus with groupies and received oral sex? [Page Six]
• Jenna Ushkowitz, aka "Goth girl Tina Cohen-Chang" on Glee, says the whole cast is close: "It's disgusting how much we all really love each other." [NY Post]
• Major eyeroll: Carrie Prejean's brother says, "I'm all the way against gay marriage. I don't feel that it's right that a man and a man should raise a kid." [Radar Online]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Personal girlcrush Monica Bellucci is three months pregnant. (Her husband, Vincent Cassel, is easy on the eyes as well.) [ONTD via MediaFax]
• Rachael Ray gave Diddy a diamond cuff for his birthday. [Page Six]
• Q. You're 45 and dating very attractive 26-year-old Hollywood actress Amber Tamblyn. Do you give hope to baldies everywhere?
  A: "If you want to use me as an example, sure. But I think it would be a false hope. It's certainly not my looks that are reeling in the ladies. It's more about my completely average-sized cock. — David Cross. [Guardian]
• "British TV personality David Frost will be honored at the 37th Annual International Emmy Awards for a wide-ranging career that has taken him from pioneering political satire on television to conducting serious interviews with former President Richard Nixon and other newsmakers." [NY Times]
• Skater Tai Babilonia will wear skates, a tiny flesh-coloredthing and a sign across her chest while gliding through Rockefeller Center's ice rink for PETA's "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign. [Page Six]
• "A Canadian man has admitted shoving Noel Gallagher at an Oasis concert in Toronto in September 2008, claiming he was drunk at the time." [Guardian]
• Whatshername quit I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. [Daily Mail]
• "Fuck them, what else can I say? Why doesn't that little bitch that wrote that try and write a song — which they wont be able to do and that's why they're sitting behind their little computer, eating their little chips and writing that hateful shit — why don't they write their own song and see what they can come up with?" — Michael Bublé, on a journalist who described his music as being as "cheesy as a quesadilla." [News.com.au]
• "People always compliment me on my performance in the movie, but I cannot take credit for it at all because I truly had no idea what the film was about." — Christina Ricci on The Ice Storm. [Gatecrasher]
• "Age is no issue to me. Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age. I am vain. When I look in the mirror, I want to look good to myself. I'm kind of OK with how I'm ageing." — Tina Turner. [Daily Express]
• "We've seen female pop and rock performers do that for the last 10 years. They've been very provocative, owning their power and sexuality. You just don't see men doing it very often. And I'm hoping to break down that double standard with this number." — Adam Lambert on his performance in which "he thrusts a leather-clad male backup dancer's face toward his crotch, and later flashes a knowing smile as he strokes the same dancer's cheek after plowing through a door that swings both ways." [AP]
• "Obama's best material during the campaign was cherry-picked from the things Kucinich had been talking about for a long time. And Kucinich continues to be really the people's congressman. He is the one with the most conscience regarding health care, the banking issue, the bailout. He's the guy who said we should not go into Iraq, and was called a traitor for it. He was a guy who said, 'This Patriot Act is not a good thing, we should not vote for it.' Even people in his own party were saying, 'Why do you say that?' And he says, 'Because I read it,' and there was silence. 'Cause none of them had read it. They just voted yes because they were told to. Same with health care stuff." — Viggo Mortensen. [Mother Jones]
• "I had a girl faint on me. And then the criers. And then the cougars-the Twi-Moms-always come after us. That's been very surreal, because we've had phone numbers slipped in our back pockets. It's like we're The Beatles." — Chaske Spencer, aka New Moon's wolf pack leader Sam Uley. [EW]
• "During World War II, when money was tight, everything was rationed and the most basic commodities impossible to find, women went out of their way to look as attractive as possible… They always wore red lipstick and would melt remnants into tiny containers so as not to waste any, then use a brush to apply it with great care.… here we are in the middle of yet another great recession, depression, slump - whatever our politicians care to call it - and money is tighter than an 18th-century corset. Women still need to cheer themselves up, so what better way to do it than to decorate their faces? I believe that 90 per cent of women can look prettier, healthier and happier in red lipstick, the only disadvantage being that it can leave its mark on a friend's cheek… What better way to face the world than with a perfect face, great hair and good nails? And for those critics who pooh-pooh this idea, let me say to them: just try it. It works - I know it does." — from a column written by Joan Collins. [Daily Mail]
• "I am really in love. I am really happy. Chivalry, opening doors for a woman. It is a big thing. My boyfriend still takes me out for dinner every week. He won't tell me where we are going. He puts on a suit and just takes me out and treats me like a lady." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "As an English actress, you have to don a bonnet at some point. This was my time. There was a tsunami of women behind me wanting the role, so I sort of bullied myself in. Many period films are very arch and stiff, and I don't respond to the characters. If I see 'the rebellious English rose' in stage directions, I'm already bored. But this was a girl who was willing to expose herself to the world. That was what was different for me." — Emily Blunt. [NY Mag]
• "I mean, 75 years. That's a long time. [The black experience] is a major part of the story of America. And Disney is excited about telling it. I'm deeply honored to be involved. On the flip side of that, it's not a black movie. It's a movie that has a young black woman as the title character, but it's a story for everyone. I think that anybody can look at this movie and say, 'I remember when I was yearning for something and it was so difficult and I had to work so hard.' That's the beautiful thing about it - it's so inclusive." — Anika Noni Rose on The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "There are certain expressions lifted right off of my face… When she's smiling, she lights up the screen. She has my nose. There's a certain scene toward the end where she has a change in hairdo, in a fantasy sequence, where she looks dead-on." — Anika Noni Rose on Tiana in The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "Pam is due to have her baby in February. I don't know what it is. It's going to be a surprise. There have been a lot of discussions about it but no decision has been made yet. So it's really like a real pregnancy. I think we're going to find out when they write it. What I'm having. It should be really interesting… I don't know if it's that she has chosen not to, but they've chosen not to reveal it. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's always referring to her baby as, like, in things that are not gender-specific." — Jenna Fischer, aka Pam on The Office. [Pop Eater]

• Could Michael Lohan go to jail for the phone calls he's been leaking?

Apparently Dina Lohan has had a protective order since 2005 — and it bans Michael Lohan from communicating with Dina by email or phone through 2011. One of the calls is supposedly from 2008, meaning Michael definitely violated the order. [TMZ]

• A "source" on Nicole Kidman's face at the Country Music Awards: "She looked freakish; She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan." [Page Six]
• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating! Director Catherine Hardwicke says so! But she says: "It didn't happen on the first movie. Nothing crossed the line while on the first film," since KStew was 18. Now that she's 19, it's on! TWILIGHT IS REAL ZOMG SPARKLEVAMP 4EVA BITE ME. [Us]
• Because he is awesome, Johnny Depp has offered to take care of Nicolas Cage's debts. Apparently Johnny was a struggling musician when he met Nic in the '80s, and Nic sent Johnny to his agent, who cast Johnny in Nightmare On Elm Street. [Daily Express]
• Levi Johnston had his Playgirl shoot yesterday, which involved a hockey stick and, naturally, nudity. Levi's manager Tank Jones says: "The shoot was fantastic! People are going to see more of Levi than they thought." Grrrreat. There's another shoot today; may we suggest a moose-skin rug? Or an igloo? [Us]
• Levi Johnston says he sees his upcoming memoir becoming a movie. "I would play myself," he says, naturally. [Gatecrasher]
• As previously mentioned, Chris Brown went to a Footaction store on Wednesday, and was heckled. A woman shouted, "I hope someone beats the fucking shit out of you!" Today Chris will be on Wendy Williams saying he's been "perceived wrong" and I'm definitely remorseful, and it's not something that I take lightly or think that it's, like, under the rug." [Page Six]
• Before the Country Music Awards, Wynonna Judd said Taylor Swift's nomination for Entertainer Of The Year was "too much too soon… I want kids to earn it." But now she says: "My intent was not to take anything from her talent and contributions to the country music industry… Taylor is a beautiful, hard working young woman that deserves the success she has had and I support her as an artist and as a woman in the business." Sure, sure. [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen has hurt her foot after falling while carrying a suitcase down a flight of stairs. [The Sun]
• DVR alert: Kathy Griffin will be on Law & Order SVU. [TV Guide]
• Balloon Dad Richard Heene turned himself in yesterday and was released on a $5000 bond. [ET]
• Richard Heene will plead guilty to felony charges, his lawyer claims. Mayumi Heene will plead guilty to false reporting to authorities — a misdemeanor. Is there a law against making everyone worry? [NY Post]
• Amy Winehouse is working with a Miami-based producer on her third record, but her visa issues keep her from traveling. [The Sun]
• If you would like to see a mug shot of Cindy Crawford's alleged blackmailer, click the link. He's a former model who took a photograph he found in Cindy's nanny's room, and the pic shows Cindy's daughter bound and gagged for a "prank." [TMZ]
• Nadya Suleman would like for you to know that she is a competent mother. [Us]
• Some guy is auctioning off Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley's marriage certificate from when they tied the knot in the Dominican Republic in 1994. The names Jackson + Presley = ca$h. [Perez]
• 20-year-old Daniel Radcliffe smoked pot and a party and it is "news." [Mirror]
• Geena Davis has gained weight and it is "news." [NY Daily News]
• Whoa — Emmy Rossum met Adam Duritz via Twitter? [People]
• BREAKING: Vivica A. Fox and 50 Cent are no longer pissed at each other. [Page Six]
• Rumors abounded but now it's official: Rebecca Gayheart and Eric Dane are expecting their first child. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, David Beckham talks about playing with the LA Galaxy today, which means missing an England vs. Brazil game. [Guardian]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $20,000 by British club promoters who claim she accepted money but then did not appear at an event, saying she had a nosebleed. No, really. [NY Post]
• Aerosmith's management reportedly asked Steven Tyler to perform in a wheelchair. "I just wouldn't do it," Tyler told Rolling Stone. Not even if you were contractually obligated to do the gig and hurt yourself acting crazy on stage? Hmm. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Tori Amos' fantasy band would have Janis Joplin on vocals, Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, Bootsy Collins on bass and Zeppelin's John Bonham on drums. [Independent]
• In "10 Questions For Tony Hawk," the skateboarder says: "I don't want to name names. I'm just saying many Olympic sports require less physical effort and less talent than skateboarding." [Time]
• Chris Mann wrote the Three's Company tell-all book Come and Knock on Our Door, and served as consulting producer on NBC's behind-the-scenes movie about Company. On his blog, he writes that before John Ritter died, he was asked about Suzanne Somers' supposed breast cancer, and Ritter said: "We don't know if Suzanne has cancer or not, because she lies." [Retroality.tv]
• Jon & Kate is being replaced by Cake Boss, a show that seems super scripted but still pretty funny. And unlike those weird "challenge" cake shows, the cakes actually look edible and delicious. [NY Post]
• Zsa Zsa Gabor has tax problems. Will she have to move to the country and live on a farm with a pig named Arnold? Oh wait. That was Eva. Anyway, Bernard Madoff is to blame for this. [TMZ]
• Saturday Night Live Christmas 2009 airs December 19, and will feature the best holiday sketches from the show's 35-year history. [NY Post]
• TMZ lifted images from Radar Online. [Page Six]
• The Coen brothers are remaking True Grit, with Josh Brolin instead of John Wayne. [NY Daily News]
• "Look, I really am the last British actor who's not in any of the Harry Potter films. I was looking for something I could do that would make me cool in the eyes of my daughter." — Michael Sheen, of Frost/Nixon and, more importantly, New Moon. He also says: "I had to say to my daughter, 'I heard someone talking about this character Aro in these books. Do you know anything about that?' And she said, 'Yes, he's the leader of the Volturi and he reads people's minds. Are you playing him?' Of course I said, 'no, no, no'. When it was all worked out, she cried. Then she hit me." [Independent]
• It feels weird to do interviews because I don't understand why anyone wants to talk to me. There were all these other guys in high school that were bigger, funnier, and more handsome than I was, so why do you care about what I have to say? You should ask them." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I'm not aware of any fans. I do nothing to live in secrecy, but I really don't get recognized anywhere. Though I was walking my dog recently when someone yelled, 'Hey, Jason!' They said it so sweetly that I turned around and said, 'Hey!' Then they said, 'Fuck you, you asshole!' and drove away." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "I had friends growing up, but I struggled to feel like I really fit in. If I was invited to a party, I would just end up sitting on a couch or standing in a corner by myself. But it wasn't like I was getting beat up or anything. I wish I had gotten beaten up, because at least that would've justified why I felt so homesick all the time, even though I was home." — Jason Schwartzman. [Advocate]
• "Susan Boyle is a lovely gracious woman, and I took advantage of that by poking fun at her." — Sharon Osboune, who, a week ago, said SuBo looked like she'd been hit by a "fucking ugly stick." [NY Post]
• We were disappointed, but we understand. He's only 1. But we were in Alaska and have plenty of footage of Trig." — Barbara Walters wanted to have Sarah Palin's grandson Trig in the studio, but he has a cold and couldn't make it. [Page Six]
• "It's disgusting that people would say those things. My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady. There's gonna be a time when I'm way curvier, and that'll be sexy, too." — Ashlee Simpson is tired of people calling Jessica Simpson fat. Ashlee also says her husband loves her body:"Pete isn't worried about stretch marks," she says. "He always makes me feel good." [Gatecrasher]
• "I have half-a-dozen close friends and Mariah is among the dearest. I flatter myself that the relationship is reciprocal: Mariah and I share a strong, sisterly friendship. She signs off all her letters to me with the affectionate endearment: 'Your sis, M.' Though she is stupendously rich and I am relatively poor, it is a friendship of equals. She visits me in my small home; I am a frequent guest at her various mansions and holiday villas all over the world." — from a piece written by a former MTV host who stayed friends with Mariah Carey after meeting her through work. [Daily Mail]
• "There are so many young girls wearing too much makeup, too much hairspray — I find that very dated." — Victoria Beckham. [Gatecrasher via Harper's Bazaar UK]

• Britney Spears fans in Perth, Australia, are demanding their money back after Spears disappointed them by lip-synching at her concerts. In related news, Britney Spears fans in Perth, Australia have apparently been on Mars since approximately 1997. [SundayTelegraph]

• A former high-ranking Scientologist claims that Tom Cruise once offered to "‘beat the living [bleep]' out of" three Scientology officials who were not receiving tough enough treatment from Scientology "managers" while incarcerated in a "prisonlike facility on the compound." According to Marty Rathburn the ex-Scientologist making these claims: "In response, the mob rushed at the three targeted gentlemen. Fists flew and feet kicked into the three. They continued to pound until … each had two black eyes." [NYDN]
• Oh dear: Carrie Prejean's mother was reportedly in the room when Prejean's "solo sex tape" was shown to the former beauty queen by Miss California USA lawyers. [TMZ]
• Morrissey, who recently returned to the stage after collapsing due to illness a few weeks ago, left a concert early last night after being hit in the head by a bottle. "If there's ever a singer who would not take kindly to a bottle being thrown at him, it's Morrissey," one fan said. [Mirror]
• Taylor Lautner says the paparazzi can decide for themselves if he and Taylor Swift are an item or not: "The very funny thing is that all of you have seen every single move I make, so I guess I can leave that up to you to decide." [USMagazine]
• Ugh: Michael Lohan attempted to get $100,000 dollars for his private tapes of his daughter, Lindsay crying on the telephone, but eventually settled for exposure instead, according to a source :"Michael initially asked for a large fee — six figures — for the tapes of Lindsay and Dina, but he didn't get any takers. Radar Online also refused to pay for the tapes, so in the end he agreed to a deal to release the recordings for no fee, but giving him the exposure he needs with a paid interview." Can't we just pay him to go away, instead? [PageSix]
• Meanwhile, Lohan is set to testify against former BFF Jon Gosselin in TLC's breach of contract lawsuit. [Radar]
• A Christmas Carol led the Friday box office this week, but the true success story of the weekend were the record-breaking numbers brought in by Precious, which took in $585,000 from just 18 theaters; an average of $32,500 per screen. [EW]
• if you want to go on tour with Britney Spears, you have keep it clean; Spears reportedly has told staff members that they might be subjected to random drug testing. "Britney's rule is clear – zero tolerance," says a source, "If you don't comply, you don't tour. We're not even allowed to have a beer or glass of wine with a meal, even on days off." [DailyExpress]
• Ashlee Simpson, who already played Chicago's Roxie Hart on the London stage, may reprise the role on Broadway. [OK]
• Television medium Derek Acorah claims that in a seance with Michael Jackson, the late singer told him he was upset that he hadn't been buried alongside Marilyn Monroe. [TheSun]
• Want to buy a strand of Elvis Presley's hair? Well now you can, I guess, if you're willing to bid at least $250 at an upcoming action. [AP]
• A new actor "auditing" system set up by the UK Film Council has concluded that Kate Winslet is worth approximately £60 million to the British economy. [Telegraph]
• In other cash related news, Nicole Kidman is owed a combined $16,673.09 in cash from NBC Universal and the Wells Fargo bank. [TMZ]
• Rihanna refused a $10,000 bottle of champagne at a Vegas nightclub because she wasn't familiar with Jets player Braylon Edwards and his teammates, who sent it to her. [PageSix]
• Andre Agassi says he was terrified that his wig would fly off during the 1990 French Open (I still can't believe it was a wig. A wig!), and that his wig "scared the heck out of me. I kept envisioning what this would be like if my hair just flew off and landed. Like, what would I do? Would I go over and kill it, or would I — would I quickly put it back on?" [PageSix]
• Kate Moss "maintains her hair herself these days" after falling out with stylist James Brown. [DailyMail]
• Russell Brand and Katy Perry are going strong at seven weeks: "The pair could not keep the smiles off their faces as they walked hand-in-hand around the sophisticated London neighbourhood." [DailyMail]
• Kate Hudson says she had to quit smoking because "it was starting to drive me crazy! I didn't like the way the car smelt, or my hair and clothes. It takes you away from the family and the things you're doing. You don't realize it at the time. Then when you're done, you go, ‘Wow, I do so much more in a day – including eat.'" [ShowbizSpy]
• Mad Max: Fury Road, the third film in the Mad Max series, will begin shooting in Australia next year with British actor Tom Hardy in the lead role. [DailyExpress]
• Ray Davies says he's considering a reality show to find cast members for his upcoming musical, Come Dancing, which is based on the history of his band, The Kinks. [DailyExpress]
• "He's a terrific director. You never know what you're getting into with any director, but he's been in this business for so long that he really know what he's doing and he's a great director. All of us enjoyed working with him so much." -Blake Lively on working for Ben Affleck. [JustJared]
• "Coming from being molested as a child, when [director Lee Daniels] said, 'I need you to be this monster,' well [I] knew who that monster was." -Mo'Nique on her role in Precious. [People]
• "You might think I'd bring up Joe [Jonas], that guy who broke up with me on the phone, but I'm not gonna mention him in my monologue. Hey Joe, I'm doing real well. Tonight, I'm hosting SNL but I'm not gonna brag about that in my monologue. La la la. Ha ha ha. La la la."-Taylor Swift, in her SNL monologue, obviously. [JustJared]
• The teen burglars who ransacked the homes of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Orlando Bloom, among others, apparently got into the homes simply by walking through unlocked front doors. [People]
• "It is a very odd feeling to know that everything you say and do is going to be examined by people. I made the decision last year to keep my private life to myself. I can't do anything about all the speculation. I know what is true and that is all that matters."-Kristen Stewart [ShowbizSpy]
• "I said at the beginning that it was about change, and things did change in the '60s. But from the beginning of the series, I wanted there to be stakes to the fact that [Don] behaved the way he [did]. That's what you're seeing enacted right now: the irony of the fact that he came clean to Betty and his worst fear was that she wouldn't love him anymore. And there you are."-Matthew Weiner on tonight's Mad Men season finale. [NYMag]

• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been fired from Melrose Place along with co-star Colin Egglesfield, with whom she was rumored to be flirting on-set.

• Producer Todd Slavkin is trying to make it sound like it was always the plan to have Ashlee exit after filming episode 12 in January, saying, "we felt that once the murder mystery was resolved, the tone of the show was going to shift into a much more fun, romantic, sexy upbeat kind of show, and [her] character would move on." [Perez Hilton]
• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler: not on. A source close to Jess says: "There is nothing romantic there at all." [Us]
• Lil Wayne pled guilty to attempted weapon possession in New York today. Police say they pulled his tour bus over because they smelled pot and found a loaded gun in a Louis Vuitton bag. He is expected to be sentenced to one year behind bars. [TMZ]
• During a radio interview today, Chris Brown said he's learning a lot in his court-ordered domestic violence course and hopes fans can forgive him. "At the end of the day, I'm human," he said. "Of course you're gonna have your thoughts and opinions. I'm not gonna say they're wrong. But at the end of the day, it's not right to judge someone. People make mistakes all the time." [Radar Online]
• Teyana Taylor says her support of Chris Brown has never wavered. "A lot of people were jumping on different bandwagons and I really felt like that was wack," she said. "Before the incident between him and Rihanna, Chris had always been my brother... I've known him for four years and I was one of the only people that stood by his side when the situation happened... When he gets back to where he used to be, a lot of people are going to come running back and smiling in his face." [Vibe]
• You can listen to the moment that caused a judge to declare a mistrial in the John Travolta extortion case at the link. At a Progressive Liberal Party convention, Bahamian lawmaker Picewell Forbes screamed, "Pleasant Bridgewater is a free woman!" The judge declared a mistrial because he believes someone on the jury may have been "communicating" with Forbes. [TMZ]
• Picewell Forbes has been summoned to appear before the judge because he wants Forbes to explain himself in person. [TMZ]
• John Travolta's lawyer says "He was upset [about the mistrial] as he wanted closure. The family wants to privately begin the long and difficult healing process – as well as to properly honor Jett's memory – without the cloud of this litigation over their heads. But he said he is committed to cooperating with authorities so justice can be served." [People]
• Elizabeth Taylor was one of the first people to see the Michael Jackson concert documentary This Is It. She held a screening at her house over the weekend and, according to a source, said, "The film was pure genius and the most magnificent film," and gave it a standing ovation. [Entertainment Tonight]
• When asked if he and wife Khloe Kardashian are planning on having kids, Lamar Odom said, "Maybe one day, hopefully... That's what kings and queens are put on the earth for, to have offspring." [Us]
• Kris Jenner says the Kardashians "have a hunch" about who stole $100,000 of jewelry from Kourtney Kardashian's house. They think it was a group of "jealous" people close enough to the family to know when E!'s cameras weren't rolling and to sort out "what was real jewelry and what was costume jewelry." [Us]
• Dennis Quaid narrowly avoided a DUI when he got in his car outside a L.A. restaurant and moved it about a foot when a cop told him to get out of the car and go back inside and call a cab. A paparazzi yelled, "You don't want a DUI. You don't want to end up like Mel Gibson" and everyone laughed. [TMZ]
• Madonna will visit Malawi on Sunday to lay the foundation stone for a girls' school she's building for $15 million. [Reuters]
• So You Think You Can Dance host Cat Deely says last season when Katie Holmes was on the show Tom Cruise was, "an absolute sweetheart. He was taking videos of his little girl and wife. Just like any guy, he was incredibly proud of his spouse." [E!]
• Lady Gaga says her tour with Kanye West was cancelled because, "It just wasn't the right timing... I don't want to embellish on it too much, because I want to respect Kanye's privacy. But we just had our own reasons. We're real friends, real friends can make decisions like that, and we wanted to keep the momentum going in terms of pop music staying innovative with hip-hop and R&B, and we really wanted to do it, and it just wasn't the right time. But who's to say what will happen in the future?" [People]
• Now that the Fame Kills tour has been cancelled, Lady Gaga will do her own tour called The Monster Ball beginning on November 27. "I wanted to really put together a show that would be the most beautiful, expensive-looking, delicious show, but that my fans wouldn't have to pay a ton of money to come see," she says. [Rolling Stone]
• The Spice Girls may be reuniting for a new reality competition show in which they will search for the women to play themselves in a Spice Girls musical. [The Sun]
• Lisa Kudrow and Dan Bucatinsky are developing a comedy for Showtime based on the memoir Why the Long Face? about author Craig Chester coming to terms with his homosexuality as a child in a conservative Christian family. [Entertainment Weekly]
• Nicholas Rodriguez, a SATC newcomer who will play a "crucial" role in the wedding scene of the upcoming film, says that after the shoot Liza Minnelli said, "'I would like to have everyone's attention,' and they pulled out a stool for her at the piano and gave her a mic and she sang a favorite of her mother, Judy Garland. She said, 'Thank you for letting me play with you guys. It was so heartfelt and genuine. I got choked up and several people were sobbing like a baby, but I'm not going to name names because he might be really embarrassed." Was it Chris Noth? [People]
• Thyssen-Bornemisza museum in Madrid is planning to sell condoms featuring a portrait of David Beckham sleeping. [Guardian]
• The National Enquirer claims that John Edwards is paying for Rielle Hunter and their "love child" Frances to live in a million-dollar home near his family's mansion. Supposedly Elizabeth Edwards is fine with this. [National Enquirer]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child. [Us]
• Robin Wright Penn says of the media coverage of her split from Sean Penn, "Yes, it's divorce; it's a given that it will be public. But … it's so disrespectful. 'You're an actress, you owe us this?' 'Fuck you,' is what I say." [People]
• Musicians who were outraged when they found out that their songs were cranked up to help break prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, including Pearl Jam, R.E.M., and Trent Reznor, have joined the National Campaign to Close Guantanamo. [AP]
• If Michael Lohan Tweets, don't worry: it' isn't really him. "I don't have a Twitter account, so whoever is sending these messages around is a fake and it's not me," says Lohan. [Radar Online]
• Olivia Newton-John says she feels bad for Britney Spears because compared to Brit, she didn't receive as much press coverage when she rose to fame in the late '70s. She says, "The poor girl. She has lived in a time where the paparazzi reign and we didn't have that problem at all. We'd have occasional intrusion, you know I had a few incidents, but it was nothing like it is now." [Daily Express]
• Ang Lee says he made Taking Woodstock because, "After making several tragic movies in a row, I was looking to do a comedy, and one without cynicism. It might seem a strange idea to make a comedy about Woodstock, but it was kind of bizarre and seemed like comedy material to me." [The Telegraph]
• "I won a 'Best Body Award' from Fitness Magazine and I was too embarrassed to accept it. I actually don't have a good body, but if everybody thinks so, I guess it means I'm a good actress. I have acted the part of the girl who has a very good body. If you know how to dress, there's some tricks you can pull." — Salma Hayek [Parade]
• Brace Paine says he new Gossip had hit the big time, "When we got asked to do The Simpson's theme song." [AP]
• Simon Van Kempen of RHONY says of Bethenny Frankel's impending motherhood, "Nothing prepares you for parenthood [more than] parenthood. That baby will change Bethenny for the better. It will smooth over the few rough edges she still has." [People]
• RHONY's Kelly Killoren Bensimon says she posed for Playboy because, "It's the ultimate compliment and every woman's dream. You get to be a sex symbol and work with top people in the business. It's such an honor." [Star]
• Carrie Fisher says the tackiest piece of Star Wars memorabilia she ever saw was, "The sex doll. No question. But there was one other item: There's that doll of me in the metal bikini, and George Lucas had a special one made for me where the top came off and I had tits." [NPR]

• Michael Lohan says he knows who Lindsay's drug dealer is:

"This guy follows Lindsay all over the place. All over," Papa Lohan claims. "Lindsay pays for him to go everywhere. He has no job. No job. He does nothing. All he does is supply everyone in LA." [NY Post]

• The producers of Sex And The CIty 2 are pulling out all the stops: Penelope Cruz, Miley Cyrus and Liza Minnelli are all confirmed to do cameo appearances. It seems like each will play herself. [Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are in a "bitter pre-nup battle." Does this mean the honeymoon is over? [Radar Online]
• CBS is investigating the Letterman scandal and may air something on CBS News: A source says: "From having talked to some friends there, who are pretty highly placed, they really want to hit this story hard, like any other journalistic story." [NY Observer]
• According to a document dug up by TMZ, David Letterman's production company, Worldwide Pants, has a sexual harassment policy, but it does not prohibit sexual liaisons in the office, provided they're not "unsolicited and unwelcome." [TMZ]
• Will Michael Jackson's kids be included in an upcoming reality show about The Jackson family? Janet Jackson is okay with it, but Rebbie Jackson "feels Michael would spin in his grave if he knew his kids would be on the show." [NY Post
• Mel B. says there's a Spice Girls comeback in the works: "We're actually working on it right now. I don't want to say too much because I don't want to spoil the surprise, but it's really, really exciting. I can't wait to be singing with the girls again." [The Sun]
• Pamela Anderson's latest fashion accessory is a nine-year-old girl. [Page Six]
• Roman Polanski is continuing to fight extradition. [NY Times]
• And Roman Polanski is working on a film, The Ghost, — which stars Pierce Brosnan — from his prison cell. It should be out in February. [Telegraph]
• Even though Jon Gosselin told Larry King "it's not healthy for my kids to be on the show," he doesn't seem to mind if cameras film his twins' birthday party, [MSNBC Scoop]
• When Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelly adopted their daughter Naleigh, they mentioned that she had special needs. Now Kelly reveals: "She had two holes in her heart when she was born, so she had open-heart surgery when she was 3 months old." But, he adds: "Naleigh's definitely getting stronger, so much so that she's crawling and starting to pull herself up." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Courtney Love owes $324,335.21 in back taxes. [TMZ]
• Tracy Morgan slams Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri in his new book. [Gatecrasher, Gawker]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Padma Lakshmi's pregnancy is being called a "miracle" since she had undergone two surgeries or endometriosis. Also , the father is not frequent companion Manu Nathan, who she says is "a cousin and dear friend." [People]
• Your WTF headline of the day: "Drugs, Feces and the Final Days of Anna Nicole Smith." [E!]
• "Anna Nicole Smith's last days: too weak to walk or sit up… The model drifted in and out of consciousness and could drink only from a baby bottle." [LA Times]
• BREAKING: Ed Westwick and Chace Crawford played ping-pong at Susan Sarandon's table tennis joint, SPiN. [Gatecrasher]
• Harry Connick Jr. on that blackface skit in Australia: "I'm pleased with the way I handled the situation." He canceled an autograph session and interviews in Sydney after the show. "It was very hot. It was a subject that was very, very controversial. So we just decided to take a couple of days off. I wasn't worried about physical harm." [AP]
• Click for a pic of Jason Lewis in bed. It's a campaign for Charisma linens. [Gatecrasher]
• Another woman is suing Dr. Phil, claiming she, too, was forced to be in the same room with a naked man.That's two now — three's a trend! [TMZ]
• Zach Braff is alive, despite what you might have seen on Facebook. [Gatecrasher]
• With roles in Glee and Julie & Julia, after being hilarious in Best In Show and A Mighty Wind, "Jane Lynch is having a very big year." [LA Times]
• Robert De Niro's swanky penthouse on top of his TriBeCa hotel is bigger than the Landmark Preservation Committee had originally approved and therefore illegal. When questioned about his apartment, De Niro said, "Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me? [Gothamist]
• Pete Wentz is supporting the clean water initiative but will not climb Mount Kilimanjaro like Jessica Biel. He jokes: "I really won't do anything but Everest, because it's the highest." And he says wife Ashlee probably won't, either: "Knowing her, she'd want to do it in Gucci high heels." [Gatecrasher]
• Chris Pine — aka James T. Kirk in Star Trek — is in negotiations to play Jack Ryan in new flicks based on the Tom Clancy novels. [Variety]
• Matthew Perry's new TV show, which NBC was trying to snap up, will end up at ABC instead. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Justin "I'm A Mac" Long joins James McAvoy and Robin Wright Penn in The Conspirator, a historical drama about Confederate sympathizer tried for the Lincoln assasination, directed by Robert Redford. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Lenny Kravitz drinks vodka on stage. [Page Six]
• Um, the Backstreet Boys are still together? And have a new album? Howie D. explains in this interview. [Reuters]
• Unbreak your heart: Toni Braxton has defaulted on mortgage payments and Bank of America is on the verge of foreclosing on her place. [TMZ]
• Jeffrey Tambor (aka George Bluth Sr.) and his wife welcomed twin boys on October 4. [E!]
• Robin Givens: Working on a book and a movie about the first African saint. [Page Six]
• "He's a lot more tender and sweeter than you would ever guess from the show. If I were in trouble he'd be top of my list of people to call, believe it or not - and you'd never guess that from seeing the show, but that's the truth." — Mary Steenburgen on Curb Your Enthusiasm's Larry David. [Mirror]
• "Well, when the doctor said I was pregnant, I heard a voice saying, 'That's the man you're going to marry.' The voice was my mother's." — Marge Simpson, to Playboy. [Page Six]
• "It's not the big, dramatic change that people are making it out to be. [But] she finally gets her braces off!" — America Ferrera on her Ugly Betty transformation. [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't say anything very concrete… I'm facing the possibility to make my first movie in English next year if everything goes well." — Pedro Almodovar. [NY Observer]
• "He made himself, by himself. John and I never wanted to push him into music, so I was prepared that he might become an archaeologist or something. John didn't even want to tell him that he was a Beatle. Sean found out from someone else. One day, he even asked John, 'Were you a Beatle?' But he was always there when I recorded something. I think it started when John and I did Double Fantasy, and John would say that Sean should come. After John's passing, Sean was always there at my recordings. And he experienced it-he remembers that I used this instrument or that instrument. Later, when Sean was in his twenties, I found out that he knew all of the Beatles' songs, all of John's songs and all of my songs-every lyric." — Yoko Ono. [BlackBook]
• "I'm attracted to younger men, no doubt. Yeah, they're cute. I'm like one of the original cougars." — Courteney Cox. [USA Today]
• "Everyone knows you don't date Russell Brand seriously. Russell likes the idea of having a se rious relationship, but when you've got all these different flavors of ice cream offered to you on a plate, you're not going to stick with vanilla, are you? I don't think he's capable of monogamy." — Russell Brand's ex-girlfriend, Georgina Baillie, who thinks Katy Perry will have her heart broken. But what if Katy likes variety too?!?! [NY Post]

• Lindsay Lohan will host concerts coinciding with the Singapore Grand Prix this weekend because Nicole Scherzinger had to cancel. Linds says she's qualified because, "I studied NASCAR for almost a year for Herbie. It was very hot inside those cars..."

• She adds: "I like to drive. I like cars. I like fast cars." When asked about the rumors that she knows Nicholas Prugo, the man arrested for burglarizing her apartment, Lindsay said, "I don't really want to get into the details of that. That's for the detectives to do."[AP]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall are feuding on the set of SATC 2 and refusing to speak to each other. "While the cast is all smiles on the outside, the level of dislike is unbelievable. No-one is having a good time on this shoot," says an insider. "The crew have taken to calling her ‘Carrie Sadshaw'. When she doesn't have to be ‘on' in her scenes, she looks so sad." [Ok]
• "I have great balance and co-ordination," says John Mayer. "Inventiveness. I am a very inventive lover - that's the secret to my success." [The Sun]
• Clive Owen says his new film about fatherhood, The Boys Are Back, is "A different kind of film... Parenting's a big part of my life, so it felt very natural to me." [Style.com]
• Last weekend David Hasselhoff's 17-year-old daughter Hayley called an ambulance because she believed he had alcohol poisoning. He patched thinkgs up by taking her to a lingerie launch party at a sex shop last night. [TMZ]
• In his tell-all memoir Behind the Bell Dustin Diamond claims his Saved By The Bell castmates smoked pot and hooked up. He claims Mark Paul Gosselaar used steroids and "suddenly exploded with manliness, loading 25 pounds of muscle on his once-scrawny frame in, oh, about a month." Gosselaar dismissed the allegations, joking: "We weren't in rehab and Mr. Belding wasn't my crack dealer." [Us]
• MTV will probably air DJ AM's drug-intervention reality show Gone Too Far. A final decision hasn't been made but sources say the network has been talking to his family about airing the show. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pamela Anderson owes creditors more that $1.2 million after failing to pay various contractors who remodeled her Malibu home last year. [Star]
• Khloe Kardashian met her fiance Lamar Odom on August 27th when she hosted a party at a bar for new Laker Ron Artest and he picked up the $3,000 tab for unknown reasons. [TMZ]
• Today Kirsten Dunst testified against a man charged with stealing her $2,000 Balenciaga bag and $2,000 from a New York City hotel suite while she was on a movie set in August 2007. [AP]
• An arrest warrant has been issued for Randy Quaid and his wife Evi. They have been under investigation for the past week for allegedly stiffing the San Ysidro ranch hotel after running up a $10,000 bill. [Radar Online]
• They are expected to be charged with three felony counts each: Defrauding an innkeeper, conspiracy, and burglary. Bail will be set at $20,000. Sources say they also owe the Hotel Bel-Air $17,000 and stole a Hertz Rent-A-Car. [Radar Online]
• Randy and Evi Quaid were arrested this afternoon. Sources say there was a struggle and Evi had to be wrestled to the ground. [TMZ]
• In his upcoming memoir The Time of My Life, Patrick Swayze reveals that when he first read the script for Dirty Dancing he thought "It seemed fluffy - nothing more than a summer-camp movie." [AP]
• Ashlee Simpson says she's excited that Heather Locklear is guest starring on the new Melrose Place. "We're all really thrilled that Heather is coming back!" she said. "Of course we are - she was kind of the heart of the show. It's been great to have a lot of the original cast, and to have Heather join is really incredible. I'm excited!" [People]
• Sacha Baron Cohen will play a "pretty angry but funny" Israeli tour guide on an episode of The Simpsons that will probably air in March. [News.com.au]
• Whitney Port said MTV is letting her work on her fashion line and have a fashion show on The City while they always made Lauren Conrad hide her real life on The Hills because, "They saw how passionate I was about designing my clothing line and I really told them, 'This is what I want to do - I don't want to work in public relations and what I want to do is design. So please allow me to do this and please show my reality.'" [N.Y. Magazine]
• When Vampire Diaries star Ian Somerhalder was asked if he's worried audiences are suffering from vampire fatigue he said, "Yes. Yes. Yes. But - there is a but - and I think that is that Twilight is a feature, a big franchise. True Blood is HBO. Vampire Diaries is prime-time network. They're all so different as far as their medium. When you're a young teen, you can't sit in a room with your mom and watch True Blood - it would be very uncomfortable for everyone involved. And Twilight you get once a year. This show is every week, and it's fun, it's smart, it's sexy, it's witty, and it's now - and those characteristics slip perfectly into this crazy sort of vampire jigsaw puzzle we all find ourselves looking at. [N.Y. Magazine]
• Is Variety editor Peter Bart trying to stir up a girl fight between Jane Campion and Kathryn Bigelow? The Women & Hollywood blogs asks if this is how he's describe two male directors: "Jane Campion, 55, made a quintessentially romantic picture in Bright Star, but in person she is cerebral, somewhat severe, leans toward post-hippie attire and seems perplexed by the rigors of the award circuit. Kathryn Bigelow, 57, is tall, model thin, a one-time art student whose gracious manner belies her proclivity for tense, even violent films – The Hurt Locker is her contender." [Women & Hollywood]
• Stephen Moyer says when he marries Anna Paquin his dog "Splash, my alpha, will be the ringbearer... My son [Billy, born in 2000] might be unhappy about that." [People]
• Gerard Butler says of his Ugly Truth co-star Katherine Heigl adopting, "She will be an amazing mom... She's incredibly responsible, smart and loving. This is a huge deal for her and she's going to take to it like a duck to water." [People]
• Last night Leonard Cohen performed in Israel for the first time in 30 years. Some Palestinian activists were calling for a boycott of the show. His manager said, "There are a lot of people who don't want us here, and anything done here invites controversy, but we believe freedom of speech is very, very important." [AP]
• Mary J. Blige, who has an adult daughter and two step-children says, "I don't think I'll do foster care or adopt, to be quite honest," at a New York event honoring her for her work with New Yorkers for Children. "I barely have time for my own children. To adopt more children and not have time for them, that [would be] poor parenting on my [part]." [People]
• Drew Barrymore says of her mother, "I believe she will see the film [Whip It]. I believe she does feel pride in me. I used to pull a lot emotionally from all the stuff with my family, but I did not do this movie to cleanse myself of the mother/daughter debacle that happened in my life. I have been much more objective about my childhood and my relationship with my mother in these last few years. I used to be more attached to all that. I won't deny that the baggage was there at one point." [Just Jared]
• "Some days I want nothing more than a brilliant mask so I could look like someone else and go wander the streets and be free," says Drew Barrymore. "I'm very peeved that Halloween only comes once a year." [CNN]
• Rich Sommer, who plays Harry Crane on Mad Men says of last week's episode [spoilers ahead], "When I got the script, I read that foot scene, and I thought it was kind of crazy, and I couldn't really see how it fit in. So I was surprised at how well the episode turned out. I was a little nervous about that scene. For the past few weeks, the writers and the editors have been saying, 'Oh my God, just wait until the lawnmower episode - it's unbelievable! It's unbelievable, it's a great episode,' and I was just like, "Oh, great! Good.' And then I saw it and I was like, "Wow! It is a really good episode." [N.Y. Magazine]

• It's confirmed: Katherine Heigl and husband Josh Kelly are adopting a baby girl from Korea. In an episode to air on Friday, Katherine tells Ellen:

"She was actually born the day before me in November, which I thought was really serendipitous and just kind of like a sign. I realized just recently that I basically forfeited my birthday for the rest of my life." And: "Her name is Naleigh. Well, I am naming her after my mother and sister Nancy, Leigh. So we call her Naleigh. I wanted to tell everybody so you don't think I stole a Korean baby." [People]

• Kate Gosselin is "beyond angry" at Jon Gosselin for saying he "despises" her, blah blah blah. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Aniston is really sick of the haters, yo. That means you, Elle magazine: "It's just their headline of 'Lonely Girl' that's sort of bullshit," Aniston says.  "I agreed to do it because how many times have I done an interview-every time-and you're misquoted and stupid sound bites get taken out of context and all of that….still happened with this. It's unavoidable. I'm not upset about it. I just find it funny." [E!]
• Fans are divided about Ellen DeGeneres being the newest American Idol judge. On the one hand: She's "the people's point of view," because she has no formal music experience. But as one Idol blogger wrote: "Is she going to be a real judge or some kind of joke?" [AP] 
• Prodcers for Sex And The City 2: Electric Boogaloo have cast a "hunk" named Max Ryan to be a European architect who crosses paths with Samantha. He is rather handsome, I must say. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Chris Brown's community service will involve 8-hour work days. He'll begin at 8 AM, get picked up by a Department of Corrections van (along with 40 other offenders), wear an orange reflective vest and pick up trash and litter along highways and roads in Richmond, VA. [TMZ]
• Yes, George Clooney "went public" with new ladyfriend Elisabetta Canalis at the Venice Film Festival earlier this week, so consider him off the market. [NY Daily News]
• Did Demi Moore snub British Prime Minister Gordon Brown's wife Sarah Brown on Twitter? [Telegraph]
• The company that owns Neverland Ranch has filed a bunch of trademarks with the US Patent Office and submitted paperwork requesting to use the Neverland name in association with a museum. A Michael Jackson museum. Of course, Joe Jackson says the company cannot do so without the family's permission. [TMZ]
• Meanwhile, Michael Jackson's family is upset over the charities that are supposed to get 20% of Michael's estate, for reasons unclear. [TMZ]
• After actor James Nesbitt made a joke about shagging Kate Moss at GQ's Men Of The Year Awards in London and Kate reportedly said: "He's so fucking rude. I'll never come to one of these fucking awards ceremonies again!" [Gatecrasher]
• Mary-Kate Olsen was seen "chain-smoking and throwing back shots." [Page Six]
• BREAKING: Kim Kardashian has gone back to brunette. [NY Daily News]
• Hugh Hefner claims soon-to-be-ex-wife Kimberly Conrad cheated on him early on in the marriage, but they are only getting divorced because she sued him over the sale of a house or something. Mo money mo problems. [TMZ]
• Zooey Deschanel will get married in Seattle at the end of the month, FYI. [Page Six]
• Ivanka Trump will get married on October 25 at a golf club. A Trump golf club. [Page Six]
• Do you care about America's Got Talent? Then you may care that columnist Courtney Hazlett thinks the show should be renamed America's Got A Very Broad Definition of Talent. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes: Shacking up. [National Enquirer]
• "It's a Georgian manor. We basically redid the entire thing, from the floors to landscaping to the closets, which are inspired by my New York apartment, with a men's and women's department store-esque feeling! Of course, I have the salon and Nick has a basketball court, which is his favorite place in the house. And I love having the outdoor space so the dogs can play. It's not too small; it's not too big; it's not a monstrosity. It's a home." — Mariah Carey on her new place in L.A. [Elle.com]
• "His movies make money. His movies play everywhere. If I looked like Tom Cruise they just wouldn't say such a thing." — Todd Solondz, on being compared to Woody Allen. [Reuters]
• "[Jessica's] always saying, 'Oh, I want a baby!' Being a mom's so empowering and incredible. I'm one of those people who believes that life brings things to you at a certain time for a certain reason, and if you just go with it, that's where the best moments come from. I've grown up so much. Your body is changing, and it's such an amazing time to feel that connection ... Being pregnant was the healthiest I've ever been in my life. Except for the cupcakes." (Do you envy your sister's freedom as a single girl?) "I really don't." — Ashlee Simpson. [People via Redbook]
• "People can have rhinoceros skin, but there's a point when something's going to hurt you. Not everyone is stone, stone. I haven't watched the news in weeks. I had to ask my chef, 'How's Obama doing?' I haven't read a newspaper." — Janet Jackson, on dealing with her brother's death. [NY Daily News via Harper's Bazaar]
• "I'm so dangerous right now I scare myself." — Shawne Merriman, the San Diegos Chargers linebacker accused of choking Tila Tequila, to Playboy. [NY Daily News]
• ''Somehow during the last Genesis tour I dislocated some vertebrae in my upper neck and that affected my hands. After a successful operation on my neck, my hands still can't function normally. Maybe in a year or so it will change, but for now it is impossible for me to play drums or piano. I am not in any 'distressed' state - stuff happens in life.'' — Phil Collins. [Telegraph]
• "How do I put this like a gentleman... I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis. My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli. I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James. I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together." — John Mayer. [ONTD via Twitter]

• Jennifer Aniston is concerned that her romance with Gerard Butler will come to an end, now that the movie the two were shooting together, The Bounty, has stopped filming. Surely this means more "Lonely Jen" stories for us all. [PageSix]

• Megan Hauserman of VH1's Megan Wants A Millionaire says it's been a "very challenging time" for her after Ryan Jenkins, a potential suitor from the show, was found dead after being the prime suspect in the murder of his girlfriend, Jasmine Fiore. "I'm happy to move forward at this point," she says, "It's been a very upsetting, sad, tragic situation that nobody could have expected." [People]
• Lamar Odom says he's very happy with his new girlfriend, Khloe Kardashian: "Khloe is smart and beautiful and that is very hard to find." [USWeekly]
• Blind Item #1: "Which son of a beloved rock icon has an impostor? The lookalike goes to S&M parties, wearing the same glasses his late "father" did, and doesn't correct people when they assume he's rock royalty — but the impostor went too far by volunteering to appear as a foot-worshipping slave in a kinky video." [PageSix]
• Blind Item #2: "Which curvaceous starlet and her new Hollywood hubby were reckless at a swanky LA hotel recently? The normally private twosome were spotted snorting cocaine in front of other guests." [PageSix]
• "I could do the splits when I was nine months pregnant. I could put my leg over my head still. I used to be a ballerina." -Ashlee Simpson [USWeekly]
• Britney Spears surprised fans by singing Alanis Morrissette's "You Oughta Know" live at a concert last night without a backing track: there's video, and she's actually not too bad. [TheSun]
• "I want to take my acting as far as I can. I think one of the best things in my life is that I got to see at a young age what I wanted to be."-Rumer Willis [People]
• Uh-oh: has Victoria Beckham's decision to pose for Elle actually hurt her chances to pose for Vogue? A source says yes: "Victoria hoped to land the Vogue cover but it fell through weeks ago. She decided to pose for Elle instead and now Vogue won't consider her for at least four months." [DailyMail]
• Prince Harry and ex-girlfriend Chelsy Davy: back together. [DailyMail]
• "The industry is a beast. I struggle with the notion that you can put your best foot forward and it can all mean nothing. People tell you on a Friday that your life's gonna change by Monday. But then comes Monday and you still don't feel like you've got it." -Eric Bana[JustJared]
• Despite overwhelmingly negative reviews, All About Steve took in about 3.57 million dollars on Friday, coming in second place at the box office. [EW]
• "If you read good reviews, you become self-conscious about the bits they like, and it starts to make those bits tacky - as if you're churning them out. And if you get bad reviews, they're going to crush your ego. It's like vinegar in the wound. So there's no point in reading them."-Jude Law [NYTimes]
• "I grew up believing my sister was from the planet Neptune and had been sent down to Earth to kill me. I believed this because my sister Emily convinced me of it when I was a toddler. I think she'd seen Invasion Of The Body Snatchers and her imagination ran away with her. There's a part of me that still believes it. I have moments when I think, 'Hmm, could that be true?' Occasionally I ask my sister about it and she responds by pulling an alien face, which only confuses matters."- Zooey Deschanel on her sister, Emily Deschanel. [DailyMail]

[New York, September 4. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Jessica Biel is "the most dangerous celebrity to search in cyberspace," according to security software firm McAfee.

Searching for "Jessica Biel photos" or "Jessica Biel videos," you have a one in five chance of landing on a site that's got spyware, adware, spam, phishing, viruses and other malware. Last year Brad Pitt was number one. This year poor lonely Jennifer Aniston is number 3, behind Beyoncé. [MSNBC]

• In The UK, Whatshername is the most dangerous. [Telegraph]
• Sensitive headline of the day: "IT'S JACKO-CIDE!" [NY Post]
• Cops say that Dr. Conrad Murray waited 82 minutes after Michael Jackson had stopped breathing before dialing 911. Record show that Dr. Murray was on the phone for 47 minutes — in three separate calls — before dialing 911. [People]
• La Toya Jackson will do a one-on-one interview with Barbara Walters, to air Friday, September 11. La Toya released a statement which reads: "I am thankful to the investigators for uncovering the truth to the world, and I look forward to the day that justice will be to served to all the parties involved in my brother's homicide." [ABC News]
• Susan Etok, A doctor from the UK is saying that Michael Jackson wanted to get her pregnant: "He wanted to use his sperm and my eggs to become a dad again. "He was really fixated on my genes." [The Sun]
• Dr. Etok also has written a letter to President Obama, urging him to consider "harsher punitive measures" for "unethical Doctors." [TMZ]
• More evidence that Michael Jackson was not broke, but cash poor. [TMZ]
• "I've known Michael for over a decade and there were times when I could not wake up Michael Jackson." — Uri Geller. [Mirror]
• Janet Jackson will chair the AmfAR event in Milan during Fashion Week. [WWD]
• Kate Gosselin will be on Larry King Live tonight. Are we sick of her yet? [ET]
• On September 14, Oprah Winfrey will announce her first new book club pick in over year. She Tweeted she had "never made a selection like 'this.'" [USA Today]
• The father of Ryan Jenkins says: "If my son was guilty, he was crazy… He was not the boy we knew. The boy we knew was not capable of anything remotely close to this act." [E!]
• Pop star and juvenile diabetes spokesperson Nick Jonas wants to be president. "As much as I joke about it and kind of say it to get a laugh, it is somewhat serious. I don't know if it will happen." [Reuters]
• Crash diet alert: Leonardo DiCaprio is working on an action flick called Inception, directed by The Dark Knight's Christopher Nolan. Apparently there's a scene in which he needs to appear "emaciated," so Leo is cutting back calories and exercising rigorously. [Radar Online]
• Speaking of weight loss, Mark Wahlberg is worried that Christian Bale, his costar in The Fighter, has dropped too many pounds to play a drug-addicted boxer. God, remember The Machinist? [MSNBC via National Enquirer]
• Robin Williams will not be putting on a wig and pantyhose to play Susan Boyle in a biopic, despite what you may have heard. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kari Ann Peniche, the woman in the Rebecca Gayheart/Eric Dane video, may have effed up by signing a deal with E! for an exclusive interview, and then talking to some magazine. [Gatecrasher]
• Mickey Rourke: Delayed at JFK security on his way to Bosnia. Screeners rifled through his bags and asked him how much money he was carrying. [Gatecrasher]
• Britney Spears took her kids on a pedicab ride through Central Park. [Gatecrasher]
• Bronx Wentz may go into show business. He's been going to work with his mom Ashlee Simpson on the set of Melrose Place and she says: "I'm all about whatever it is Bronx likes to do and wants to do. Definitely going to follow what it is that he loves and hope to be a great parent in that way." [E!]
• David Letterman's former nanny has written a book called Harry and Horsie, based on a homemade gift for Letterman's son four years ago. [USA Today]
• Shia LaBeouf and his Wall Street 2 costar Carey Mulligan: It's on. [Gatecrasher]
• Bob Dylan is in talks with some car companies about being the voice of their GPS systems. He joked that it would probably sound like: "Left at the next street. No, right. You know what? Just go straight." Then he said: "I probably shouldn't do it because whichever way I go, I always end up at one place - on Lonely Avenue." [Mirror]
• Kim Kardashian will executive produce a reality show about her publicist pal Jonathan Cheban. Behind-the-scenes drama! [Page Six]
• Magician David Blaine wasn't rescued by lifeguards from rough surf over the weekend, he was "escorted." "I did swim back by myself," he notes. [Page Six]
• Katy Perry is talking about her boobs again; this time she auctioned a cast of them for charity and claims: "They had to get extra plaster to cast them because they are so big.I was very proud because it was early in my career and they fetched 3,500 dollars, which I think is pretty good." [The Sun]
• Guess who's (maybe) getting her on TV show? Candy Spelling. A scripted show, not a reality show. Candy says, "I wouldn't do a reality show." And! Daughter Tori Spelling says if her mom did get a show, "I wish her the best." [Radar Online]
• Eddie Cibrian's estranged wife to LeAnn Rimes: "He's all yours." [UPI]
• "Eddie is a compulsive liar, cheater and a home wrecker. And he has been an absentee father." — Eddie Cibrian's wife, Brandi Glanville. Estranged wife, that is. [MSNBC via Us Weekly]
• Is this a joke? Pauly Shore has a reality show called Adopted, about his efforts to adopt an African child. [Page Six]
• Lisa Marie Presley's nanny claims she was forced to work 7 days a week without meal breaks or getting overtime. [TMZ]
• Poor 87-year-old Jack Klugman is still trying to get cash from doing TV Show Quincy, M.E. from 1976-1983. This is his second lawsuit over this issue. [Reuters]
• Whatshername is pregnant again?!?!?! [Telegraph]
• "I never really criticized John… He was a very soft-centered guy and we had a lot more in common than people think." — Paul McCartney on John Lennon. [Mirror]
• "Thankfully my sister is with her… I talk to either my sister or my mother, if she is able to talk, every day and sometimes more than once,. But it's been bad. I was trying to get away two weekends ago and then, pow. Something came up with Lifetime and they wanted me to do something and I just - I am very loyal to them. Whatever they want, I'll do it." — Tim Gunn's Project Runway schedule has been keeping him from his dying mother. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "I have to confess I always hated any person from Scotland who went and lost their accent in the slightest. But I've spent a year-and-a-half now playing roles as an American and I'm not comfortable enough doing those accents only when we film, so I have to keep it up all the time. I really hate myself for doing that." —Gerard Butler. [Mirror]
• "I love to spoil Harlow." — Joel Madden. [Page Six]
• "I feel empowered. Finally. When you don't believe in yourself, you feel like you're living in fear. You don't give yourself the opportunity to believe that you can. And as much as you tell yourself you can't do it, you end up not doing it. Me? I was complacent and comfortable where I was. Here, sometimes it's like my music didn't quite work, but overseas it's on top of everybody's chart. I've had more international success than domestic success, and I think that opens my eyes up to music. I mean, I just got back from performing in Lebanon. Lebanon!"— Kelly Rowland, who sings three tracks on French DJ David Guetta's One Love. [USA Today]
• "I mean this from the bottom of my heart: I don't care if I win. I'm not doing this to try and prove that I'm better than someone else at something, I'm doing it because it scares me. Dancing is something that I've always really wanted to be able to do, but never had the confidence and the technique, if you know what I mean. I'm not very graceful, so it's just something that absolutely terrifies me - and it's the main reason that I kind of wanted to do it."— Kelly Osbourne, on Dancing With The Stars. [Daily Mail]
• "Yes, it's true, I don't date Black men. I never have. It's not a prejudice. It's just a personal preference. People always think that Big Papa is Black. I don't know why. I've never dated a Black man. It's not to say it wouldn't happen in the future, but at this time, I never have." — Real Housewife Kim Zolciak. [ONTD]

Josie Bissett, the erstwhile crop-topped Jane Mancini, is really having a good time at this event.


Will Erik Fellows be a resident of Melrose Place? He has the jacket of a Jake-style bad-boy-softie, but the sensitive jeans of an artistic Billy.


Kelly Carlson: Ricky's called, it wants its discount Marilyn costume back.


Here's something I want to ask Jenna Dewan and everyone else who's been squeezed into a compression dress: how do you go to the bathroom?


I worry that, Bettie Page-style, Jessica Lucas was tricked into inadvertently sporting campy bondage-wear by some kind of modern-day Bunny Yeager.


Okay, so I love the kind of neckline Laura (Sydney) Leighton's sporting, but it really needs to fit like a glove in order to achieve its destiny, yes?


Daphne Zuniga's dress actually looks like something Jo could have worn in the mid-90s. Make of this what you will.


I guess as a member of 90210 2.0, Jessica Stroup feels a natural solidarity with the residents of the Place. Is it a mark of shame, or a feeling of pride?


Is the print on Ashlee Simpson-Wentz's dress A)animal B)mineral C)ugly?


I guess if, like Stephanie Jacobsen, you're determined to make the most ludicrous sexyface ever, this is the place for it.


Katie Cassidy has, at least, gotten into the spirit of the show: the spirit that makes it not only okay but necessary to wear 3" skirts to the office.

[Images via Getty]

Are we getting a little weary of jewel satin WNTW "reveal" coctail ensembles? Yes. But Rebecca Mader's emerald still pleases on a visceral level.


Jessica Weixler is not afraid of pattern. Or evoking Roxy Quiksilver circa '97. I am.


Rutina Wesley goes slightly Medieval on her frock - or at least Arts and Crafts.


I can't tell you how much I love that this color's hot, whatever that means. It even allows me to get over my ambivalence over Jessica Lucas' fit!


Is 90210 still an issue? Cause Shenae Grimes' sleeves, kind of are.


I'm just gonna say it: I thought Rosemarie DeWitt was totally miscast on Mad Men. And her retro-modern number's my favorite thing at this event.


I like Busy Philipps. She seems down to earth, I said with no evidence save a brief jumpsuit.


Do I like Yvonne Strahovski's getup? Not as such. But I like any chance to reference the "Ascotte Gavotte."


When the fairies gathered around her cradle, Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon was given the gift of "pulling things off." Believe me, it's a good one.


Can you find all the ugly things in Eliza Dushku's dress? I counted five! It's like Hilights!


As if we needed more proof that booties need to go: they make Gabrielle Union look frumpy!


If Kat Deeley were instead Marianne Faithfull, getting married, in the late 60s, this would be amazing.


Maggie Grace's belt and brocade combo is so odd that I really love it.


Jennifer Morrison's color is not easy to pull off - and she goes way beyond that, IMO.


Wait, did I say that Midge's dress was my fave? Cause Sanaa Lathan's might be, actually.


Yeah, maybe I do love Freaks and Geeks. But I also genuinely love Linda Cardellini's pretty, easy number.


Would I maybe like to see Kat Dennings move away from "Madame X?" Sure. But I get it.


I wanna love Mindy Kaling's frock, but I suspect it may be unflattering.


Ashlee Simpson-Wentz: Miss Hannigan called. She wants her seduction suit back.

[Images via Getty]

• Lily Allen was performing in Helsinki, Finland when she burst into tears. Before the show, she Tweeted:

"Fell over badly last night and I've really fucked my back up. Just had an injection in my bum. How am I gonna get through tonight's gig?" Throwing out your back is terrible! So is Lily's hair/makeup in these pix. [Daily Mail]

• Bill Maher said he once saw Brad Pitt roll the most perfect joint he had ever seen. "I'm an artist," Brad agreed. [NY Daily News]
• Brad Pitt is being added to Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes as the detective's arch enemy. The character of Moriarty was missing from a rough cut of the film, and movie execs insisted the famous nemesis be added to the flick. Ritchie called old pal Pitt (who was in Snatch) and he'll film this week in London. [Mirror]
• The Dancing With The Stars season 9 cast: Revealed! Macy Gray, Melissa Joan Hart, Kathy Ireland, Mya, Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos, Ashley Hamilton, former Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin, Donny Osmond, Tom DeLay (?!?!?!), Olympic swimming gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, model Joanna Krupa, Debi Mazar, Kelly Osbourne, Aaron Carter, Chuck Liddell, and snowboarder Louie Vito. [ABC News]
• Jennifer Aniston complimented a woman pole-dancing on the set of The Bounty, saying she looked like a professional. The lady replied, "I am!" [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney plans to sue a photographer who climbed over the wall of his Lake Como home and took pictures of a 13-year-old girl changing in a guest room, as well as snaps of Clooney and gf Elisabetta Canalis. Cloons says: "I don't know about the law in the United States, but in Italy it's illegal for photographers to climb over my wall. He'll also press charges against two magazines who published the photos. [Gatecrasher]
• Beyoncé: Secretly taking ballet classes at Alvin Ailey School of Dance. [Gatecrasher]
• Jon Gosselin went to a party thrown by a student at Parsons School Of Design. He only stayed for 20 minutes, but arrived with a paparazzo and left with two female students. Keepin' it classy. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Even though Paula Abdul won't be on Dancing With The Stars, she MIGHT get a ABC show of her own. Paula's Wacky Clappy Variety Show? [TMZ]
• Madonna performed in Warsaw on Saturday even though it was a holy date, the Assumption of Mary feast. National group Pro Polonia called her a "crypto-Satanist," which is not very crypto. [Daily Express]
• Bob Dylan was on tour and took a walk in Long Branch, NJ, when he was stopped by cops; a resident had reported someone "wandering" around the neighborhood. A cop asked him for I.D. "I don't think she was familiar with his entire body of work," says a town official. [NY Daily News]
• Jennifer Lopez is looking pretty hot on the cover of InStyle and inside she's saying stuff like: "There's nothing as huge as giving birth to another human being and having to be responsible for another life. There's you before kids, and there's you after kids – and they're not the same you." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg was rushed to the hospital on Friday morning after suffering smoke inhalation on the set of The Frighter. A smoke machine was being used for atmosphere and Wahlberg breathed in too much. [RadarOnline, Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse's divorce from Blake Fielder-Civil will be finalized at the end of the month, but Blake allegedly told a reporter: "I want to take her out for dinner and propose again. I hope that within five minutes we'll be planning where we're next going to get married." [Daily Mail]
• Blake also says: "She is looking beautiful and healthy now and it reminds me of the old Amy." [News Of The World]
• Amy will appear on Strictly Come Dancing in September as a backup singer for her 13-year-old goddaughter Dionne Bromfield, and there's a cute picture of them hugging at the link. [Mirror]
• Bodysnarky opening sentence of the day: "She's looking thinner than ever, but there's one part of Victoria Beckham that looks set to put on a lot of weight very quickly - her wallet. Posh Spice has landed a £3million contract on American Idol…" [Daily Mail]
• Joe Simpson is pushing Jessica Simpson as the perfect replacement for Paula Abdul on American Idol. [Page Six]
• Saturday night after a Fall Out Boy show, Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz were at a bar when Ashlee got wasted, yelled at Pete and made him leave his own party early. Charming! [Perez]
• Jane Fonda, 71, might marry 67-year-old Richard Perry next year, which would be her fourth wedding. [Daily Express]
• So many contradictory stories about MJ. We first heard that he was strong during rehearsals. This report claims: "Michael Jackson was so weak in his final days he needed to be SPOON-FED meals, his make-up artist has revealed." [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's body has been moved in secret to a new crypt, where it's been frozen." [Daily Express]
• This report claims that Michael Jackson will be buried on what would have been his 51st birthday, August 29. Or so says Joe Jackson. [Gatecrasher]
• You know how Michael Phelps was in a car accident last week? Turns out he was driving with an expired license and told cops he had a beer about an hour before the crash. [TMZ]
• George Michael on his car smashup: "Neither of us was charged because we were both stone cold sober. We both think the other is to blame so this is just an insurance fight." [E!]
• Eva Longoria is expanding her restaurant business, and soon she'll have a Beso Vegas and "Besitos" in ariports. [People]
• Kristin Bauer, who plays Pam on True Blood, thinks Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer will have kids together since Anna is "great" with Stephen's kids from previous relationships. [E!]
• Tons of Gossip Girl spoilers at the link, and yes, there are details on Chuck and Blair — with a HOT picture of the Bass. [People]
• Matthew Settle — Gossip Girl's Rufus — skateboards through New York during rush hour. [NY Times]
• Actress Aishwarya Rai has a chest infection with flu-like symptoms. [Times Of India]
• Anna Friel will play Holly Golightly in an upcoming stage production of Breakfast At Tiffany's in London. [Times Of London]
• The Office's Amy Ryan — who plays Holly Flax — is pregnant. [E!]
• An excerpt of Alana Stewart's book, My Journey With Farrah: A Story Of Life, Love And Friendship, at the link. [Daily Mail]
• Bananarama's back. [Daily Mail]
• Aberdeen, Washington has the title of one hometown hero Kurt Cobain's songs, "Come As You Are," posted at the entrance of town. An unofficial park has been established next to the bridge under which Cobain hung out and wrote songs. [LA Times]
• Blind item! "Which D-list relationship recently ended when the gal found out her man's secret vice was boy-on-boy action?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I can't tell you how far from a gold-digger I am. I've never dated a rich man in my life. I've always wondered how girl friends of mine could even ask their boyfriends to buy them clothes." — Samantha Burke, who was impregnated by Jude Law. [Daily Mail]
• "I thought it was an incredibly sexual role and a challenge to be an 'older woman' in the film. Roles always challenge me in some personal way and that was one I wanted to overcome: 'Wow, all of a sudden, you've become the "Older Woman" in a movie. Let's give the younger ones a run for their money.'" — Anne Heche on playing opposite Ashton Kutcher in Spread. [LA Times]
• "This season, I really want to get back to the guerilla style I used to have. I want to try to get back to my roots and make it crazy. In the first episode, I get buried alive in a coffin, six feet under 5,000 pounds of snow. I want people to realize I'm not complacent because I have a little bit of success and a little money. Hopefully in return I can raise the level of the art form to the level other art forms receive, like the cinema.… I just really loved the ability as a kid to do something that adults didn't understand. It was like power. Then I realized as a teenager that there was more to the art of magic than how you did it. It's trying to connect to somebody." — Criss Angel, whose Mindfreak is back on A&E for its 5th season. [LA Times]
• "I like everything about filming except the acting. In recent years I've had really bad attacks where I totally froze up. I thought 'Well, if I am going to get stage fright, then I am packing it in.'" — Hugh Grant. [Daily Mail]
• "I think anybody that's touring is going to have a carbon footprint. I think it's probably unfair to single out rock 'n' roll. There's many other things that are in the same category but as it happens we have a program to offset whatever carbon footprint we have." — The Edge, annoyed by critics of U2's travel. [Daily Express]
• "The Harry Potter books are not explicitly religious in the way that C.S. Lewis's Narnia tales are, but there is a strong sense of evil, and issues of good and evil are not only philosophical issues but also theological issues." —University of Massachusetts-Amherst philosophy professor Gareth B. Matthews. [UPI]
• "I think when I started I was working in the vein of The Dirty Dozen or The Devil's Brigade. But now watching the completed film with audiences, I don't think there has ever been a World War II movie like it. That can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your taste, but it's definitely a thing." — Quentin Tarantino on Inglourious Basterds. [WSJ]
• "Don Cheadle could play me, but I hope they just go with the obvious casting choice." — Richard Belzer, when asked who would play Richard Belzer if his crime novel about a a New York City police detective named Richard Belzer were made into a TV show. [Publishers Weekly]
• "I've had my heart broken before. Truly, truly broken. But when I look back at me in my heartbroken phase, it's pretty hilarious, because it felt so much more extreme than it really was. One of the things I love about (500) Days of Summer is that it doesn't make light of what we go through in romances, but it is honest about it and shows it for what it is, which is often profoundly funny." — Joseph Gordon-Levitt. [Guardian]
• "The speed of news creates so much vertigo. I am a very private person." — Penelope Cruz. [Telegraph]
• "We kind of rolled our eyes at the idea of having to make out." — Amanda Seyfried on her Jennifer's Body girl-on-girl scene with Megan Fox. [Page Six via Entertainment Weekly]
• "I remember really vividly kneeling by my bed as a nine-year-old, saying my prayers and asking God to give me boobs that were so big that if I laid on my back I wouldn't be able to see my feet. Eventually that request was granted. A bit of divine intervention displays the power of prayer. Every time before I go on stage, or go out where I know there will be a lot of press, I take a skipping rope and spend about ten minutes, fully clothed, skipping. I look like Rocky. This way I can ensure that everything is firmly in place and I won't have a wardrobe malfunction. Don't want those boulders doing a show of their own." — Katy Perry. [The Sun]