So that I could keep myself grounded, and so that I could appreciate things better, I visited Section 60 a few times while my husband was deployed. It was one of the most sobering experiences I've ever had. After it was done I always felt blessed, relieved, and I knew to never take for granted the fact that my husband was healthy, and not coming home in a body bag. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
...war
it ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
friend only
to the undertaker...
...war
peace lovin' understand
is there no place for them today?
they say we must fight to keep our freedom,
but Lord knows there's got to be a better way.
My squad leader from NROTC was killed in Afghanistan last year. His widow, and mother of the 4 month old baby girl he never met, read their wedding vows at his funeral. He wrote her a sonnet. A Marine, as tough as they make them, and he wrote her a sonnet for his wedding vow. I cannot imagine her grief. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
1982?!? That's a year before I was before. Goddammit. No one should have to die that young and leave a family behind in the process. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
@EkaterinaBallerina: Check out the one in the background. 1986. I was in kindergarten in 1986. I don't even have words anymore, just tears #sgtjamesmcilvaine
@jonesjl: @Zombie Ms. Skittles: I noticed that one in the background after I posted that comment. That's a year after my brother was born. Jealous that's awful.
Not only is he too young to die, but his parents are too young to be outliving their children. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
I can't believe how young these people are. The soldiers and the widows. It doesn't seem like it fits with what the universe should be like. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
@linnyt is a walking cliché: yeah, a lot of the soldiers abroad are in their early 20's. My brother joined up right before sept. 11th, (he graduated from boot camp on sept. 14th.) and was in iraq in the beginning of the conflict by the time he was 21. Luckily he made it home... he also believes what they did there was important, as i know many other soldiers do. I just hope things improve and these soldiers aren't dying in vain. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
Heartbreaking picture, and I'm struck by how comforted this little girl looks by holding the flag to her. I'm guessing her mamma told her something right about it being a symbol or part of her father.
Hmmm, can you briefly tell me what has been hardest for you? In May of this year, my son's father died from suicide while being stationed in Fort Hood. This picture reminded me of him receiving his father's flag. He was 6 when it happened. I worry about how to talk to him about it, because I have no idea how it would feel to lose a parent tragically. I was going to wait to tell him exactly how is dad died, but his stupid cousins let him know it was suicide because their crazy mom would talk about it in front of them.
Was your mom good about talking to you when it came to your feelings about your dad? If so, what would she say?
@SisterSonny: I'm going to guess that you are asking about my experiences, and if I'm wrong, hopefully it will still be helpful
So...what was hard for me growing up was that my mother almost never talked about my dad at all, and neither did any of his relatives. I think it was too painful for them to deal with, and maybe they thought that I wouldn't remember or have any issues to deal with because I was too young. The times I did hear anything were only these weird passive aggressive little comments, like, "Oh, you're so anti-social, just like your dad was." It became very hard for me to separate out what was really true about me and what was weird projections.
Also, I think that my mother kept things inside because she felt like it was her own, private grief, and she couldn't share it. Honestly, it is very complicated between us, with both of us dancing around issues and always feeling we are protecting each other, but also resentful of each other.
I also learned very early that the world is unsafe and unfair, and that can be pretty devastating for a child. It messes you up in terms of faith, trust, big picture stuff.
So, I would do my best to be honest about the real person who died, and not let them turn into a caricature of either pure good or pure bad. It is very easy for a child to idealize someone who isn't there, so the adults in their life can suffer by comparison. But let it be natural, like if a holiday comes up, you can mention things you used to do, or movies he liked, or what sports he played or watched. Just don't put up a wall, because that will hurt everybody.
Sorry to write so much, but this is the central story of my whole life. There's a lot there.
@SisterSonny: The fact that you're even concerned about this when so many families sweep suicide under the rug says a lot about how well you are raising your child.
We've lost quite a few family members in recent years and we've tried really hard to meet our kids where they are. Many times when kids ask a tough question they already have an answer in mind, so (if it's appropriate) you can say, "Wow, that's an interesting question. What do you think about that?" it's often a great conversation starter and a way to take your kids' emotional temperature, so to speak.
Well, that got me. This could have been a picture of me, 26 years ago, after my dad's funeral at Arlington. I was only 2, but the same white blond hair, sitting on my mother's lap...though I looked more bewildered.
I feel so much compassion for that little girl, because I've been her. It's going to be really hard.
Several weeks ago I made a comment about how a picture was "All kinds of win". And I was happy to see my comment promoted.
This picture is all kinds of lose. And I'm sad this occurred. Not the picture, which is worthy, but the death.
Jews are persecuted for thousands of years. They get a country after WWII. That land came from the remnants of the Ottoman Empire, which chose to side with the losers of WWI. The U.S. supports Israel, causing enmity among some Arabs and Persians. Al-Qaeda chooses to go medieval on the U.S. and hijacks planes. The U.S. launches a "War on Terror," part of which consists of handing non-compete contracts to barbarians like KBR, Halliburton and Blackwater. We manage to get some countries to go along with us. They are rewarded with the London bus and Madrid train bombings, among others. We are in Afghanistan ostensibly to deny Al-Qaeda a base of operations. But we're playing global whack-a-mole. They'll increase their presence in Sudan, Somalia, Yemen, or other places if Afghanistan isn't working out.
"You've said you don't like us and have proven it in the past, so we will fly to the other side of the earth to bomb you." How ethical is this pre-emptive strategy? It's certainly deadly, to them and us.
It makes me envy Aborigines, living in the Dreamtime thousands of years ago, isolated from the rest of the world, not owning any of the earth, just living on it.
@zoethebitch: Eesh, not sure the Aborigines have it so great, what with the high rates of poverty, hunger, sex abuse, and alcoholism due to years of systemic marginalization and discrimination...
@formergr: The present situation for many of them is not good. I was thinking about that when I wrote, "thousands of years ago, isolated from the rest of the world."
@Hiroine Protagonist: Starting backwards from "Why are we in Afghanistan?" led me to "Denying Al-Qaeda a sympathetic environment" to "What does Al-Qaeda have against the U.S.?" Their major grief against the west seems to be our support for Israel. I agree with you there are other flash points with them such as the U.S. military presence in Saudi Arabia. What do you think?
Oh dear. I had to adblock that image. I can't look at stuff like that this week. My husband took his bags to the bag drag this morning. He deploys on [very soon].
@HannahBethD: Be brave. My husband's been there twice, adn it was the hardest period of my life. Honestly, I could not look at pictures like this one while he was gone, even though I felt like I was disrespecting our troops by not--it was just too excruciating. But you'll get through it, and will be even prouder of him when he gets home.
10/20/09
10/21/09
10/20/09
what is it good for
absolutely
nothing...
...war
it ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
friend only
to the undertaker...
...war
peace lovin' understand
is there no place for them today?
they say we must fight to keep our freedom,
but Lord knows there's got to be a better way.
~~edwin starr, "war" #sgtjamesmcilvaine
10/20/09
10/20/09
My squad leader from NROTC was killed in Afghanistan last year. His widow, and mother of the 4 month old baby girl he never met, read their wedding vows at his funeral. He wrote her a sonnet. A Marine, as tough as they make them, and he wrote her a sonnet for his wedding vow. I cannot imagine her grief. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
10/20/09
10/20/09
That's not old enough to die. It's not old enough to be a widow and a single mother.
Joseph Berlin Jr. is almost exactly a year younger than me. He died just over a month after his 21st birthday.
10/20/09
10/20/09
Not only is he too young to die, but his parents are too young to be outliving their children. #sgtjamesmcilvaine
10/20/09
10/20/09
10/20/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
Was your mom good about talking to you when it came to your feelings about your dad? If so, what would she say?
10/09/09
So...what was hard for me growing up was that my mother almost never talked about my dad at all, and neither did any of his relatives. I think it was too painful for them to deal with, and maybe they thought that I wouldn't remember or have any issues to deal with because I was too young. The times I did hear anything were only these weird passive aggressive little comments, like, "Oh, you're so anti-social, just like your dad was." It became very hard for me to separate out what was really true about me and what was weird projections.
Also, I think that my mother kept things inside because she felt like it was her own, private grief, and she couldn't share it. Honestly, it is very complicated between us, with both of us dancing around issues and always feeling we are protecting each other, but also resentful of each other.
I also learned very early that the world is unsafe and unfair, and that can be pretty devastating for a child. It messes you up in terms of faith, trust, big picture stuff.
So, I would do my best to be honest about the real person who died, and not let them turn into a caricature of either pure good or pure bad. It is very easy for a child to idealize someone who isn't there, so the adults in their life can suffer by comparison. But let it be natural, like if a holiday comes up, you can mention things you used to do, or movies he liked, or what sports he played or watched. Just don't put up a wall, because that will hurt everybody.
Sorry to write so much, but this is the central story of my whole life. There's a lot there.
10/09/09
We've lost quite a few family members in recent years and we've tried really hard to meet our kids where they are. Many times when kids ask a tough question they already have an answer in mind, so (if it's appropriate) you can say, "Wow, that's an interesting question. What do you think about that?" it's often a great conversation starter and a way to take your kids' emotional temperature, so to speak.
I wish you and your little guy comfort and peace.
10/09/09
I feel so much compassion for that little girl, because I've been her. It's going to be really hard.
10/09/09
This picture is all kinds of lose. And I'm sad this occurred. Not the picture, which is worthy, but the death.
Jews are persecuted for thousands of years. They get a country after WWII. That land came from the remnants of the Ottoman Empire, which chose to side with the losers of WWI. The U.S. supports Israel, causing enmity among some Arabs and Persians. Al-Qaeda chooses to go medieval on the U.S. and hijacks planes. The U.S. launches a "War on Terror," part of which consists of handing non-compete contracts to barbarians like KBR, Halliburton and Blackwater. We manage to get some countries to go along with us. They are rewarded with the London bus and Madrid train bombings, among others. We are in Afghanistan ostensibly to deny Al-Qaeda a base of operations. But we're playing global whack-a-mole. They'll increase their presence in Sudan, Somalia, Yemen, or other places if Afghanistan isn't working out.
"You've said you don't like us and have proven it in the past, so we will fly to the other side of the earth to bomb you." How ethical is this pre-emptive strategy? It's certainly deadly, to them and us.
It makes me envy Aborigines, living in the Dreamtime thousands of years ago, isolated from the rest of the world, not owning any of the earth, just living on it.
10/09/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
I would be glad to never see a picture like this again.
10/09/09
10/09/09
All you jezzies with family and friends in the service -- bon courage.
10/09/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
10/09/09
Honestly though, I couldn't be prouder of my Papa.
10/09/09