• Remember this report that Quentin Tarantino asked Brad Pitt to join the cast of Inglourious Basterds over some wine and some weed?

Quentin says: "That was Brad. He did the fabrication. He can take a Coke can and make it - functional." [NY Mag]

• Unsolicited uterus update: "Is Penelope Cruz pregnant?" Is she? [Page Six]
• Matt Damon has launched a new humanitarian project, Water.org, aimed at bringing clean water sources to nearly 890 million people at risk of disease. [Mirror]
• "Why I Waited Until 44 To Do My First Nude Scene, By The Proposal Star Sandra Bullock." Actually, she doesn't explain that, but she does say: "If you're naked and you're trying to be sexy — you don't really make as much money as if you're naked and you're funny." [Daily Mail]
• NYC Artist Dash Snow has died of a drug overdose; his brother, Maxwell Snow, dated Mary-Kate Olsen. [ONTD, Page Six]
• What will the Harry Potter stars do after the the movies are over? Daniel Radcliffe hopes to head back to the stage, but also "sleep"; Emma Watson will attend college, but would like to work with directors Alfonso Cuaron and Guillermo del Toro; Rupert Grint says: "I look forward to seeing what else is out there and to move on, really." [USA Today]
• In a poll, Hermione was voted the favorite Harry Potter character. And! "Some 51% thought [Emma] Watson would have the best post-Potter career, with a large majority (67 percent) approving the idea of her appearing naked." Eyeroll! [Reuters]
• Uh, the Vatican approves of the latest Harry Potter movie, since it makes the debate over good versus evil crystal clear. [Mirror]
• Madonna's boyfriend Jesus Luz is "resentful" that Guy Ritchie has been hanging around lately. But, you know, Madge and Guy were married for eight years and have three kids together. So. As for Jesus, a source says Madonna likes him because "He's pretty and she can boss him around." [Gatecrasher]
• Pity the Poles! Britney's Circus tour won't be stopping in Warsaw, due to a contractual dispute. [AP]
• Robert Redford got married on Saturday! The bride was a German Fräulein named Sibylle Szaggars; the ceremony took place at St. Catherine Church in Hamburg. Herzlichen Glückwunsch! [AP]
• Nicole Kidman's daughter, Sunday Rose, has turned one year old, and Nic and husband Keith Urban celebrated with a "little cake." Also, Keith says, "My wife made a beautiful video that covered her first year and we gave that to all the family." The kid is already a film star. [Daily Express]
• David Beckham has a new tattoo: The ring of roses around his arm has one flower for each year of marriage to wife Victoria. Sweet. [Daily Mail]
• Is Simon Cowell worth £100 million a year? That's what he's negotiating for to stay on American Idol. [Mirror]
• An X Factor fan lost her purse and Simon Cowell gave her a wad of his own cash. He can spare it! [EW]
• The LAPD is treating Michael Jackson's death as a homicide, and Dr. Conrad Murray is the focus of the investigation. [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe's lawyer denies that she accepted $4 million to walk away from the custody battle. He says: "Ms. Rowe has not accepted — and will not accept — any additional financial consideration beyond the spousal support she and Michael Jackson personally agreed to several years ago." The New York Post printed a story claiming that Rowe had struck a deal with the Jackson family, and her lawyer is calling it "unequivocally false." [TMZ, CBS News, Reuters]
• Debbie Rowe sent emails to a friend which say: "I'm not going after custody. These kids are not mine. They were never mine. They were always Michael's. I was Michael's best friend." [Extra]
• Dr. Arnold Klein, Michael Jackson's dermatologist, is not fully cooperating with official requests for medical records. [TMZ]
• The DEA is trying to find out who supplied Michael Jackson with the powerful anesthesia Propofol. [TMZ]
• "A maker of the potent anesthetic propofol found in Michael Jackson's home has been contacted by federal officials investigating the pop star's death and has recalled tens of thousands of vials of the drug after two tainted lots sickened dozens of patients." [AP]
• "I never saw him on drugs. Not once. He deliberately did it away from us. He didn't want his family to know anything about that part of him." — Tito Jackson on Michael's drug use. [Mirror]
• Jack Wishna, a Las Vegas businessman who tried to organized comeback shows for Michael Jackson, says the pop star would move a bunch of mattresses on to the floor so he and all his kids could play, jump up and down and sleep in the same room. In addition, he would leave his Christmas trees up for about seven months. [E!]
• At this link, you'll find similarities and differences between real-life super agent Ari Emanuel and the character inspired by him, Entourage's Ari Gold. [Independent]
• Zooey Deschanel was supposed to headline a screening and Q&A of her film 500 Days Of Summer on Monday, but she'd already headed to Ireland where she's shooting Your Highness, a fantasy flick in which she plays a princess. Zooey sent a recorded statement in which she said, "Umm, I guess I should maybe answer a few questions preemptively. ... I did the movie because I liked it." [Observer]
• Vanessa Hudgens will be in a movie called Bandslam, playing a character named Sa5m, and — this is important — the 5 is silent. [People]
• Emily Blunt joins Matt Damon in Adjustment Bureau, a movie based on a Philip K. Dick short story. [Variety]
• Russell Brand: The voice of the Easter Bunny. In a live action/CGI family comedy called I Hop, to be released in March 2011. [Variety]
• Miley Cyrus will star in Wings, a movie based on a novel about a high-school girl who sprouts a pair of wings and learns that she is a fairy. [Variety]
• Hugh Jackman's signed on to appear in Avon Man, in which guys laid off from an auto dealership end up working as Avon salesmen. Jackman + makeup + comedy? We're in. [Variety]
• Usher has a summer camp, Camp New Look, that invites 130 children to spend two weeks in Atlanta learning about the business side of sports and entertainment. Hey says: "These kids come here and they're like 'Oh, wow … we're going to learn about entertainment!' But they leave engaged in life and knowing that, 'I can have a future outside of music.' That's what makes me most proud." [USA Today]
• Uh-oh. Robert De Niro is a victim of an art scam? He is gonna take you down. Take you down to Chinatown. [Reuters]
• Hmm, I didn't know that Rashida Jones was dating President Obama's speechwriter, Jon Favreau. Where have I been? [Page Six]
• Q-Tip has inked a deal to publish his memoir, titled Industry Rules. Is one chapter titled "I Left My Wallet In El Segundo"? [mediabistro.com]
• Interesting piece about Angie Dickinson, who starred in the 1974-78 NBC series Police Woman, for which she earned a Golden Globe award and Emmy nominations as L.A. police officer Sgt. Pepper Anderson. The show paved the way for future female-driven cop shows. [LA Times]
• Congrats To Joey McIntyre and his wife, who are expecting their second child in December. [People]
• Some guy was trying to sue Janet Jackson, claiming that her bodyguards beat him up in a club, but the case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. [Goathamist]
• Aerosmith bass player Tom Hamilton is recovering from non-invasive surgery and will miss some tour dates. [Reuters]
• Jane Fonda and music producer Richard Perry: It's on. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which grungy young starlet's idea of a good time is getting stoned with her ex-hippie parents?" [Gatecrasher]
• "When you have three kids, you've got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let's just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on." — Jada Pinkett Smith spills about her sex life. [Page Six]
• "[She] wipes the floor with me every time I play her." — Daniel Radcliffe, who says Emma Watson is a pro at table tennis. [The Sun]
• "I respect criticism. But I know more about film than most of the people writing about me. Not only that, I'm a better writer than most of the people writing about me. And I can write film criticism better than most of the people writing about me. [My goal was] to get the biggest standing ovation of the festival, and I got it [...] Sometimes it's your time to be Elvis, and that was my time." — Quentin Tarantino, on the mixed reviews of Inglourious Basterds and its reception at Cannes. [NY Mag]
• "I'm a trained astronaut, and it's my time to go." — Lance Bass is still hoping to head to space. [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't have his number, so haven't spoken to him. But I can safely say that his insisting that girls would choose me over him that they would not. That they do not. He is the much prettier and can be much more charming. And he can do that thing of being sultry and sexy." — Daniel Radcliffe, on Robert Pattinson. [The Daily Beast]
• "Although my grief over Michael could not be any deeper, I am not on suicide watch as some of the cheaper 'rags' would have you believe." — Elizabeth Taylor. [CNN]

As anyone who watches Entourage can tell you, Ari Gold uses Lloyd as his tiny punching bag and expects him to be on-call 24/7…sounds delightful, right? What's more baffling is the way these women see their ideal assistant: as someone super smart, super motivated…and entirely unambitious.

"I would much rather have someone who sees this as the job they want, who doesn't see it as a stepping-stone," says Jamie Raab, Executive VP of the Hachette Book Group. "And if you find such a person, you try to hang on to them, because training someone new about your likes and dislikes takes a long time."

Apparently the ideal executive assistant is some combination of life coach, spouse and mind reader. According to Aleksander:

What is what high-ranking executives describe as the X factor. It's not just about getting the phone and wrestling with the copy machine. It's about reading minds, anticipating needs, and calling France to find a cab when the boss is stranded on a Paris street."I'm looking for someone who can do ten things at once and doesn't mind when I start yelling in the middle of all that," says [Pamela] Liebman [CEO of the Corcoran Group]. "Someone who is even-tempered, really smart, and can figure things out without me always telling them what to do."

I understand why someone smart would agree to get yelled at and read minds for a year or two if it could get them a leg up in the industry of their choice, but seriously, why would anyone agree to this as a career destination? Also: is it a sign of progress or of demise when so many female executives admit that they freely scream at their underlings on a regular basis?

Office Life: A Great Assist [Forbes]

MOE: I guess we have to talk about campaign finance today. But first I'd like to draw the readers' attention to this handy guide to why you can't really blame the war for the crap economy, despite what Stiglitz says, and even Stiglitz says the war has only added like $5 or $10 to the price of oil, but basically the point is that every globalization has its discontents and our objectivist malcontents didn't pay attention to that when they were setting policy so now we have more discontents over here while some folks in India and China are starting to enjoy better lives/deeper carbon footprints. ANYHOW
MEGAN: Prosperity brings global warming hooray! But only the rich can afford to reduce their carbon footprints. And I always find it difficult to believe that people really think that the war brings the bad economy when war generally makes the economy better. It was one of the reasons Hitler and WWII were initially so popular in Germany — taking shit over improved the economy almost immediately. War spending did its part for ending the Great Depression, etc.

MOE: Well yeah but as Stiglitz pointed out in 2003 Iraq was hardly "total war" and the economic benefits were thus hardly going to be evenly spread around. And as this report points out tax cuts, airline bailouts and No Child Left Behind played their early part in deficit spending. Oh man there are really cute dogs on my Fox News right now. Oh how sweet and all their owners have swaddled them in American flags and "freedom"-themed accessories!
MEGAN: Do they have freedom-themed leashes?

MEGAN: Yeah, I mean, while Bush was cutting taxes he was also presiding over the largest expansion in government history. I was at a speech by Andy Card in 2005, I think, and he went through all these verbal gymnastics to deny that the Administration had expanded the government which made the ambassador from an unnamed country next to whom I was seated marvel at his stones. It basically required that he exempt from consideration the Defense Department or DHS, which are (naturally) where all the increases have been, so it was absurdist in its brilliance. Sort of like if you don't want to be quoted, just curse every other word.
MOE: Hey, speaking of the defense budget is Israel trying to save us some money by just bombing Iran for us? Because that's awfully generous, considering all those fears we are about to elect that Muslim Marxist guy to lead the country and who knows what that means for the Jews…
MEGAN: Well, I mean, we are a leetle busy right now, I think we thought we'd be done enough in Iraq (the same way we're, like, totally Mission Accomplished in Afghanistan) that we could've started bombing Iran on our own.

MEGAN: Anyway, so, campaign finance?
MOE: Oh right, that's not my issue. And I must admit, I was occupied with this crazy Botox bandit story…and also vaguely transfixed by some story they're running on Fox now about some woman who lit up on an airplane, and in her mugshot she just looks kind of drunk or high so it kind of makes sense that she would do that, especially with fares so high these days you'd think you could do whatever you damn well please — ha! On my Virgin flight they wouldn't even let me use the blanket during takeoff, which was insane — and anyway, oh yes, Obama. We should talk about this. I guess it's disappointing but not surprising? I dunno

MEGAN: Well, but they all opted out of public financing for the primary and there were rumors McCain was going to for the general. Plus, I mean, it restricts him to $85 million which is maybe one of the reasons that, you know, Democrats don't go to states they "can't" win and ditto with Republicans and so everyone fights for Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida and concedes the others to one another.

MOE: I will say that even if it is blatantly hypocritical it also appeals to that side that worries about his ability to play dirty/be pragmatic/blahblah. Which seemed to be a big concern of Clintonites.
MEGAN: Oh, sure. I mean, I think the real issue is that 99% of Americans probably don't know anything about the public financing system so they whole OH MY GOD WHAT HAS HE DONE thing is probably right over their heads.
MEGAN: Which is why it's smart, release the video, let the talking heads pontificate for 24 hours just before the weekend, then release a new ad and start airing it in red states and let them think about that.

MEGAN: But, also, I think he makes an interesting point. Public financing comes from the $3 check-off on your tax return, so it's like small donations from small people funneled through the government. He's got 1.5 million donors, half of which are small-amount donors. He's practically creating his own public financing system, it's just one in which there are no limits on what he can spend after the convention.
MEGAN: Which is an interesting thing, actually. The party that has the Presidency gets the last convention, which means that the party without it gets a week or more where they are hamstrung by the public financing limits and hte incumbent party is not. In 2004, it was a full two weeks because the Dems went before the Olympics, then the Olympics and then the Republicans went and Bush became subject to the spending limits.
MOE: Hey check this out we're using one percent less gas than last year! And this is unrelated but here's a pleasant photo of a highway in Beijing, where starting July 20 they will also be using less gas, for obvious reasons. Okay, now I'm headed to Peggy and Brooks. Krauthammer and Krugman both wrote today about McCain's offshore drilling blah blah, one of them is for it and one of them is against it I'll let you guess who!

MEGAN: Gosh, so hard! Also, by the way, the DC metro system had 2 top-10 ridership days this week alone, and they're blaming it on gas prices.
MOE: David Brooks likens Obama to Mr. Rogers playing Ari on Entourage. (Would that be good for the Jews?) Anyway, he proceeds to do exactly the thing I was talking about where Obama actually gets praised for "selling out" in a move that should disappoint his starry-eyed media fans but actually makes them cream their pants because they are ashamed of their idealism and also, masochists:

MOE:

This guy is the whole Chicago package: an idealistic, lakefront liberal fronting a sharp-elbowed machine operator. He’s the only politician of our lifetime who is underestimated because he’s too intelligent. He speaks so calmly and polysyllabically that people fail to appreciate the Machiavellian ambition inside.

MEGAN: I think it's funny that Clinton supporters either think he's the worst of the Chicago political machine or a naive waif and never anything in between.
MOE: Although uh Noonan isn't feeling the sentimentality shame so much today:

In a way, the world is a great liar. It shows you it worships and admires money, but at the end of the day it doesn't. It says it adores fame and celebrity, but it doesn't, not really. The world admires, and wants to hold on to, and not lose, goodness. It admires virtue. At the end it gives its greatest tributes to generosity, honesty, courage, mercy, talents well used, talents that, brought into the world, make it better.

MEGAN: Yeah, she was on Scarborough this morning and they all got maudlin about Tim Russert.
MOE:

That's what we talk about in eulogies, because that's what's important. We don't say, "The thing about Joe was he was rich."

MEGAN: Also, her site is down.

MEGAN: Off-topic, our friend Calderone has the story of the wacky Hardball ad about Michelle's supposed make over and an even funnier fake one for Cindy McCain.
MEGAN: I also think the whole thing is funny, like Michelle needs a fashion makeover? The figures aren't dancing ladies in the Obama ad as much as fake runway models
MOE: I hate sentences like that. How many eulogies have any sort of basis in the reality of someone's life? I went to a very rich guy's funeral once. All the eulogies were like "great guy worked hard loved the outdoors cared about his family" and meanwhile half the family is sitting there seething over what a cold unemotional terror he'd been. But yeah, I dunno. Anyway I failed to mention that the Bush Administration's spying on Americans thing may, like the shitty economy and the shady no-bid multibillion dollar overbudget defense contracts and chaos/anarchy/fear in Iraq, get to outlive the Administration.

MEGAN: I also love that the Dems rolled over on retroactive immunity for telecoms as part of it, giving just enough judicial oversight to make it look like there will be some if we aren't paying attention, but little enough that it will make any difference to the telecoms.

• Nelson Mandela personally called Amy Winehouse and asked her to sing at his birthday party on June 27! The former president of South Africa phoned her! Bono, Elton John and Annie Lennox are expected to perform as well. This UK paper says,"Let's hope [Amy] bee-hives herself!" Yuk, yuk. [Mirror]
  
• Meanwhile: Does Blake Incarcerated have a secret mistress? Is he plotting with the "mystery blonde" to run away with her — and a chunk of Amy's £10 million fortune? [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are due in court today for a progress review. A completely uninformed opinion? She's doing better. [People]
  
• Owen Wilson allegedly picked up some chick (not Kate Hudson) and invited her back to is boat and propositioned her to join him in a threesome with Vince Vaughn. There was a time that a Butterscotch Stallion/Money Baby sandwich would have been soooo hot, and that time was 2001. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney's back at work on How I Met Your Mother. She looks cute dressed to match Neil Patrick Harris! [TMZ]

• Tom Cruise's new web site is a finely crafted masterpiece of PR spin. [LA Times]
• Prince! Is working on a book! Featuring poetry and photographs and elegantly sealed in a purple slipcase, of course. [Reuters]
• Dina Lohan is being honored as a "Top Mom" by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization. Ali Lohan says: "My mom is great, she has always been there for us. She helps us follow our dreams. I love her to death." And by "to death" she means, "Sometimes I want to strangle her." [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty is out of jail! He served 29 days of a 14-week sentence and now he's back on the streets. You've been warned. [People]
• John Mayer on the pix of him with Jen Aniston in Miami: "Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control. This is me living my life and a guy with a really powerful lens and I don't fault him, I don't fault anybody, I don't fault you, I don't fault this or that. There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!" Hahaha, stoner. [ET]
• But! John Mayer was seen out with Maroon 5 horndog Adam Levine and John "The Player" was "all over some blond girl," according to a source. Maybe he and Jennifer Aniston haven't had "the talk" yet? [Page Six]
• Maxim's Hot 100 list is a sister act: Ashlee Simpson is No. 18, Jessica Simpson is No. 53. But while Ashley Olsen is No. 47, Mary-Kate is not on the list at all... Which might be a compliment. [Page Six]
• Hollywood Hills neighbors of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pissed that paparazzi cars are parking in their hood. [Page Six]
• Barbara Walters is traveling by private jet to 25 US cities to promote her memoir — and she's taking hair and makeup people from The View with her. But! She's paying for it all herself. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jay-Z at a show at NYC's Madison Square Garden: "This concert isn't endorsed by Obama, but it's time for a change." [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven was seen having a "knock-down, all-out screaming match" with a brunette at a party. Ari Gold, is that you? [Rush & Molloy]
• The jury may deliver a verdict in the Uma Thurman stalking case today; we'll keep you posted. [TMZ]
• The bench warrant issued for Foxy Brown yesterday was due to a misunderstanding. Foxy is still free! [TMZ]
• Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabel Ruby, on Saturday afternoon. [People]
• Mischa Barton is pissed at a photographer who snapped pictures of her sunbathing topless. She says: "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behavior. He apologized but he was very insincere." It should be noted that this photographer is the same one Nicole Kidman won a restraining order against after she testified that he tried to run her off the road. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof, 19 (daughter of Sir Bob) is implicated in a cocaine ring, ruh-roh. [Mirror]
• Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson kind of wants an African baby. "I'd love to adopt," she says. "I was almost in tears on a hospital visit because there were two or three babies to each cot, but I told myself that crying wouldn't help." [Mirror]
• Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie hat challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song Imagine without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out." [USA Today]
• "I don't think of myself as an [feminist] icon, but I think of myself as interested and can get ruffled at gender inequality. I still get touchy when people say that guys are interested in sex and girls are interested in love. It's bullshit." —Liz Phair. [Rolling Stone]