Eggs: The Best Things Anyone Ever Pulled Out Of An Ass

Moe — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Another morning, another story about how people should eat breakfast making us hungry to eat another breakfast because, duh, we're bloggers, of course we eat breakfast. (Right? Don't we? Don't worry; I asked!) Anyway, the important part: market forces are threatening to put this very most cherished tradition under attack! The price of eggs is skyrocketing! And Starbucks, the purveyor of roughly 2/7 of my weekly breakfasts is pulling breakfast sandwiches from its menu in response to the recession. I think eggs are a "Giffen good," which is an economic term for those commodities you don't appreciate until they get more expensive. Anna, for instance, eats egg white sandwiches every day but says thinking about the eggs "grosses [her] out." Just wait until you're forced to eat them 20 meals a week, love! So: I am going to get a head start on this and appreciate eggs in advance. Me, I eat some sort of egg sandwich every single day. This habit began, as so many do, with a hangover, and like so many other hangover-related rituals, it became habit. I used to worry it would raise my cholesterol level.

Then I realized "cholesterol" was a scam designed to sell expensive pills to old people and that eggs don't really do that anyway and also: since when have I been one to worry about shit like cholesterol?

Anyway, at the risk of sounding like some sort of Sesame Street parody I love eggs like Jay-Z loves girls; fat kid: cake, etc. etc. even the nasty spongy Starbucks sandwich kinds, even the ones where you ask the guy to poach em soft and they come out all chunky and hard: fuckit, they're great. Jessica is with me; she eats ten a week; Maria eats around 7; Cheryl 5, Tracie varies — she's on a poop-friendly regimen right now — and Anna eats about 12. But just the whites, ma'am. "I predict I will be a vegetarian in three years and a vegan by the time I'm 40," she says. In the meantime, though, we are all eating eggs. What the fuck else can we afford?

Skipping Cereal And Eggs, And Packing On The Pounds [NYT]
Rise In Price Of Eggs Is No Chicken Feed [SF Gate]
Starbucks Announces New Service Upgrades (Upgrades? What is this, Pravda?.) [Time]
Ask Men: Eggs [AskMen]
Why Egg Prices Are Cracking Budgets [Chicago Tribune]

Thank You, Mia Farrow, For Ruining Steven Spielberg's Olympics

Moe — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 14:00:58 EST

It hasn't gotten quite the press of, say, Scarlett Johnasson's phone banking for Obama, but Mia Farrow has exploited every waning ounce of her celebrity reminding the press freedom-enjoying community that China imports billions of dollars worth of oil from the Sudan, sometimes trading that oil for weapons and anyway propping up a genocidal Arab dictatorship that might stop butchering its citzens if it exercised its economic muscle. But yesterday's announcement that Steven Spielberg would step down from his post as a creative director for the upcoming Olympic Games is a huge — if somewhat Pyhrric — victory for her cause. See, China could very easily sway the murderous Sudanese government to let up on its human rights abuses. But to do so would be to acknowledge that such a thing as "human rights" exists. And by extension that the current power structure in China can only claim to have been good for the country's humans because it inflicted so much senseless inhumanity and brutal oppression in the forty years preceding the present era that the country actually appears, relative to the days in which kids were brainwashed into beating up their parents and shit, to be not so bad.

China will certainly appear, to the millions who attend its utterly whitewashed, coalfire/street people/industrial belch-free/parallel universe-inhabiting Olympic Games, to be not so bad. And shit, on a historical scale or compared alongside conditions in much of the Third World, that's true. But for the same 1.5 billion reasons guys like Spielberg are so transfixed by the place, women like Mia Farrow — and Angelina Jolie and George Clooney, who is not a woman but maybe we could make him an honorary one for this purpose — are doing their public duty as famous people who know lots of other famous people, to look out for less famous ones. I love you, Mia Farrow, and I'm glad you didn't need to have anyone's legs broken over this; the power of your message seemed to be enough.

Spielberg Quits [Washington Post]
MiaFarrow.org
Script Issues Block Cusack Film From Shooting In China [USA Today]

Jezebel: appreciation

Eggs: The Best Things Anyone Ever Pulled Out Of An Ass

Thank You, Mia Farrow, For Ruining Steven Spielberg's Olympics