I've always had mixed feelings about "jolie-laide." It's interesting that the French acknowledge the existence of different kinds of beauty, but they don't seem to have the same need to classify men so precisely. And calling someone half "ugly" is kind of insulting. Nor is France a woman-friendly culture.
How anyone could celebrate "Ugly Betty" as some kind of breakthrough is beyond me. The ultimate message is that it's OK to play ugly as long as you clean up real good -- actually being ugly is unthinkable and would ruin your life.
The same thing happens on Jezebel sometimes with those photo spreads of the commenters. Although it's funny and/or touching to see the awkward pictures from childhood and adolescence, the implicit moral of the story is that everyone's grown up now and they're cute.
There will always be distinctions drawn based on attractiveness. But the definition of beauty should be more inclusive and the consequences of not being good looking should not be so high and it should not focused so harshly on women.
The day that a girl or woman can't be made to feel like worthless garbage because she doesn't happen to be cute and, like a guy, can make up for it with her achievements (which won't be influenced by her attractiveness) will be a very good day.
It's interesting, because I grew up thinking I was ugly and had settled on assuming the position of the "ugly friend", and thought life would go on as such. As I grew up, I started to blossom, if you will, and now people tell me I'm "pretty" (whatever the hell that means, right), but I will always have the mentality of the ugly friend. I love it though, because it keeps me grounded and down to earth, despite whatever compliments (or other perks) I may receive based on my looks. I can't lie, I love waking up and feeling conventionally pretty, but I also love that I took the time to truly work on who I am on the inside because I never thought I'd be able to depend on my outside.
@anonymiss: I had that position, too. I had two friends who were both gorgeous, fawned on by others, had guys digging them, and I felt like the Velma to her Daphne, or the ugly friend ignored by the guys. I feel better now, but still have that mentality of not being as attractive or outgoing or as magnetic as others, more average and unassuming.
I feel like I would've fit in great in the Victorian era, as I'm pale with soft features and big boobs.
@anonymiss: I was REALLY gawky and awkward as a kid, always clumsy and ungainly and clueless about fashion and "girl stuff." Thick glasses, braces, hand-me-down jeans that were woefully behind the times, beat-up sneakers, taller than everyone else--I never thought I would be pretty. I think it was back in 1st or 2nd grade that I realized: if I want to attract people, I have to have some other gimmick.
It was then that I decided to be funny. I decided to be smart and interesting and cultivate any interesting talent or hobby I could get my hands on.
I don't think I'm unattractive now, but I'm definitely not a sylphlike blonde with 20/20 vision. My looks have never done anything for me. My jokes and my ability to play a glockenspiel and my ability to make stupid LOLcat political cartoons? I won't blow my own horn, but over the years I've figured out what works. Those are the things, I find, that attract people.
When my one stunning beautiful friend lived with me for a couple months, I came up with the metaphor/analogy/whatever that she was bright, shiny diamonds (self explanatory) and I was Incan gold (subtle but interesting) when we'd go out. It got me through the night, anyway.
@broad: Two things. 1) I had to do the same thing when I was in college. My roommate was often considered the most goregous girl on campus. That type of analogy really worked for me too. (And for the record, Incan gold is much more unique than a diamond.) Thing 2) (OT) I love, LOVE your muppet pic.
Gorgeous villian: Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) in the original Die Hard. RRROW! Talk about hate sex. Let me sho u it.
You know, in Mexican culture, you get a nickname that's a physical descriptor, and it's acceptable. Like, you may be called "Gordo" because you're fat. And that's OK. It's not an insult. You'll hear "flaca" or "feo" or whatever. We should learn a thing or two.
OK, that's all I've got. I agree with everything you said, Sadie! My only asset is my flaming red hair. Everything else is kinda "meh."
I am tall and literally big boned and curvy. By which I mean, my waist is a lot smaller than my hips, and my bone mass is ENORM (my podiatrist had a field day with my X-rays, explaining how there wasn't enough room in my foot for my HUGE FREAKIN' BONES.) I am very pale and red-haired. Paleness was once considered very attractive; now it's a sign of a bleak indoor working-stiff existence. Being "ginger" is either attractive or it's strange/dorky, depending on which English-speaking country you're in.
But I've had guys (with a touch of hyperbole, perhaps, and/or infatuation) describe me like a damn Botticelli's Venus or something. I guess I would have been knockout-gorgeous in like, the 15th century.
In the 21st century, however, I am a hulking ungainly thing who can't find long enough inseams or big enough shoes. Or enough sunblock. Beauty standards are stupid.
@tscheese: Dude, I know what you mean about being born in the wrong century. If I had been born in the 1800's, I would have had men coming from every hamlet just to espy my figure.
@tscheese: If I had been born in the 17th century, it would be socially acceptable to wear a large beard and an eyepatch and have scars all on my face.
Nowadays, they tell me that it is unprofessional.
I also probably would have to have a fat belly, though. They liked men to have fat bellies in the old days.
@63words: I'm hoping that Christina Hendricks will bring some serious womanly sexpotness back, but I don't kid myself for one second that she isn't a gorgeous bombshell. She'd be considered ugly only in that Twilight Zone ep where everyone has a pig face and modelicious looks are declared grotesqu.
@tscheese: And those freaking seraphim that hovered overhead like seagulls waiting to poop on your head? I totally nabbed a piece of fruit off that tree when I got to shore, because I don't know about you, but all that riding made my ass hungry.
I just like that people are getting better attitudes about it. I knew a girl in high school who was jolie-laide and had these really beautiful prominent brows and freckly all over and she looked just like Betty with the glasses and braces. One of the school's most flamboyantly gay seniors buddied her and I remember overhearing him telling her, "You could be a Chanel model. You don't see it, but I do."
It was nice to hear and he went on about how tired he was of the perma-blonde, perma-tan and perma-dumb girls everyone liked.
The irony is, at least to me, the girls that are typically classified as "pretty" are so unattractive to me. I think it's the amount of time taken to achieve their appearances - it results in something that is so unnatural, when they would be so much prettier if they eliminated half their beauty regimen.
@63words: Very true. The girl in high school who was regarded as the most gorgeous (bleached hair, fake tan, creepy make up) among her peers looked like a chicken cutlet when not done. It's so unnatural to look that kind of 'pretty'.
I always took cue from my grandmother who told me that women usually don't need to tease their hair and be slathered in so much paint to look beautiful, hence I never wear make up beyond foundation some days and my hair rarely meets a brush (okay, sometimes I'm lazy).
I've seen some body dysmorphia that has really freaked me out (though didn't change my opinion of the person) but I don't think I have thought of people as ugly .
We all just look different.
Though, I do tend to classify every girl that looks like Britney Spears as 'dull'. Seriously, we can't ALL be over-tan and blonde.
@Sukie in the Graveyard: You mean that all this time, Cosmo has been LYING to me?! I thought Mystic Tan, hair dye, and MAC would make me celebrate my own unique self!
@Sukie in the Graveyard: It's a sad fact that what we call "ugly" (not just awkward-looking but ugly) usually still translates as "poor". Maybe you are free of this kind of look-classism, but also possibly you live somewhere where everyone has their teeth.
purpleshoes reminds everyone to take typing breaks and stretch, ow was starred
purpleshoes reminds everyone to take typing breaks and stretch, ow was unstarred
@purpleshoes: Yah, you throw class AND race into the mix and things get even more complicated. "Pretty... for a dark girl" is a qualified- compliment I just cannot stand.
I'm not going to pretend I've never said anyone was ugly or that I thought that they were. These days I know I'm not one to judge, because who knows who is saying the same thing about me? That wouldn't be why I wouldn't say it, but I do always stop and think about it. I have met a lot of what the media would say are very attractive men and women, but I found them to be deeply ugly and repulsive because of their views and personalities.
@ineffable.me: It used to be that brunettes were always the badies but there's been a marked turn. On True Blood and Twilight the bad vampires are blond/fair. Also see Harry Potter - though maybe in the supernatural world that's just how it works, essentially subverting the mainstream.
@Archetype: Unfortch have society's wheels greased by your beauty precludes the need to be nice. That kinda inverts the assumption, for me, that "pretty = good". In my more defensive mood I assume someone who is "too" pretty = self-entitled beotch.
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How anyone could celebrate "Ugly Betty" as some kind of breakthrough is beyond me. The ultimate message is that it's OK to play ugly as long as you clean up real good -- actually being ugly is unthinkable and would ruin your life.
The same thing happens on Jezebel sometimes with those photo spreads of the commenters. Although it's funny and/or touching to see the awkward pictures from childhood and adolescence, the implicit moral of the story is that everyone's grown up now and they're cute.
There will always be distinctions drawn based on attractiveness. But the definition of beauty should be more inclusive and the consequences of not being good looking should not be so high and it should not focused so harshly on women.
The day that a girl or woman can't be made to feel like worthless garbage because she doesn't happen to be cute and, like a guy, can make up for it with her achievements (which won't be influenced by her attractiveness) will be a very good day.
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I feel like I would've fit in great in the Victorian era, as I'm pale with soft features and big boobs.
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It was then that I decided to be funny. I decided to be smart and interesting and cultivate any interesting talent or hobby I could get my hands on.
I don't think I'm unattractive now, but I'm definitely not a sylphlike blonde with 20/20 vision. My looks have never done anything for me. My jokes and my ability to play a glockenspiel and my ability to make stupid LOLcat political cartoons? I won't blow my own horn, but over the years I've figured out what works. Those are the things, I find, that attract people.
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You know, in Mexican culture, you get a nickname that's a physical descriptor, and it's acceptable. Like, you may be called "Gordo" because you're fat. And that's OK. It's not an insult. You'll hear "flaca" or "feo" or whatever. We should learn a thing or two.
OK, that's all I've got. I agree with everything you said, Sadie! My only asset is my flaming red hair. Everything else is kinda "meh."
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My mom calls me corajes, roughly 'mood swings' in Spanish.
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But I've had guys (with a touch of hyperbole, perhaps, and/or infatuation) describe me like a damn Botticelli's Venus or something. I guess I would have been knockout-gorgeous in like, the 15th century.
In the 21st century, however, I am a hulking ungainly thing who can't find long enough inseams or big enough shoes. Or enough sunblock. Beauty standards are stupid.
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Nowadays, they tell me that it is unprofessional.
I also probably would have to have a fat belly, though. They liked men to have fat bellies in the old days.
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Let Mad Men rake in more awards, the designers will come to their senses.
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It was nice to hear and he went on about how tired he was of the perma-blonde, perma-tan and perma-dumb girls everyone liked.
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Is dumb the new smart?
Is red the new pink?
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I always took cue from my grandmother who told me that women usually don't need to tease their hair and be slathered in so much paint to look beautiful, hence I never wear make up beyond foundation some days and my hair rarely meets a brush (okay, sometimes I'm lazy).
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We all just look different.
Though, I do tend to classify every girl that looks like Britney Spears as 'dull'. Seriously, we can't ALL be over-tan and blonde.
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Thats nothing compared to the number of ALL SHOWS AND MOVIES EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD starring the beautiful people.
Because we don't have a VP candidate right now that was chosen because of her looks.
yeah, times they are a changing alright.
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I think heroin chic is the closest we've come to celebrating ugliness.
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and thanks for caring. or something?
<3
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