• In Morocco, nobody can hear you scream. Actually, in Morocco, Jennifer Aniston is the biggest thing since sliced bread. Apparently, she was there for a week, and she got into a car with Orlando Bloom, and there was "breathless speculation" about romance. That said, this woman couldn't get into a car with a Clydesdale and a brass instrument without sparking breathless speculation about romance between the three of them. Her vagina must have some kind of magical property to it, or it must be some kind of unspoken Hollywood male birthright: If you don't touch this vagina, you will never be in contention for People's Sexiest Man Alive. Robert Pattinson's at least given her a foot massage. At least. [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• The Daily News didn't have any good gossip items today, so instead they ran two pages about how Jake Gyllenhaal is a "jack of all trades" or something. They go very out of their way to assure us that him and Reese are definitely dating, and that his two new movies—the melodrama with Natalie Portman about whatever with Tobey Maguire, and Prince of Persia, where he gets to dress in clothing Tom Cruise only dreams about wearing in public—are very different. Sometimes, I just want to knock over the Daily News gossip page. Nothing else, just "knock over." [NYDN]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• OKAY. OMG. OMG. You can't be serious right now. Crackface Courtney Love ran into DJ Qualls at 1OAK when they were both clubbing on Thanksgiving eve. Qualls and Love ended up making out, and then they went to a strip club together. Yes, you know who DJ Qualls is. This dude. Always ending up in crazypants situations like that, isn't he? Related: JESUS Page Six you are the best. Sometimes, you just make me want to knock over the Daily News gossip pages. Nothing, just "knock over." [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Years of wearing comically oversized stiletto heels that she uses to make the bouncy dog toy otherwise known as her husband David Beckham squeak has left Victoria "Ground Cumin" Beckham in need of foot surgery to remove bunions. Ah, yes, bunions. I can think of nothing sexier for Becks and Posh's image than some bunions. That oughta help. [NYDN]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Somehow, Lindsay Lohan can still afford a dickhead security crew, because there was one ready to erase any pictures the lead singer of Cobra Starship had on his phone after he snapped away at Lohan getting trashed at Hudson Terrace. He was the DJ there, but Lohan's security people could care less. Because, like Lohan, they're clueless assholes. This is how you win back the love of the people, Lohan. Truly. [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Michael Phelps has dated not one but two Miss California ladypeople. Which is two more Miss California ladypeople than everyone else gets to date. The plot, however, thickens: Phelps dated Carrie Prejean at one point. The entire subtext behind all reporting of this fact is: we hope they made a sex tape. I...can't argue with that sentiment. Also, I hope she didn't suck any of Phelps' brain cells by osmosis. That wouldn't be nice. [NYDN]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Who eats at The Waverly Inn on Thanksgiving? Try Martin Scorsese and Oliver Stone on for size. Yeah, these two guys, who do all the movies about the crooks and the psychopaths and the sociopaths, guess where they have dinner on Thanksgiving? Yes, The Waverly Inn. Of course. [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• So, J-Lo's sex tape is coming out and before we go any further, am I allowed to submit a name for this? Is Jenny From The Cock too vile? Yes, it kind of is. Okay. We can just go with Gigli. That's not vile. Anyway: J-Lo's sex tape is on its way out and it might involve spanking of some kind. Yeah: spanking. Great. Can you tell how underwhelmed I am by this? Normal celebrity sex tapes are just so passe, nahmean? I want to hear about the DJ Qualls/Courtney Love sex tape. Hear about, not necessarily watch. [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• File Under: Happy Families You Never Thought Would Be Happy. Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith saw West Side Story with, like, 15 people. And then they had lunch. This is the kind of reporting you won't get from the New York Times (and especially not the Daily News): "Banderas, who had missed breakfast and lunch, ordered two entrees and finished them both." Revelations. [Page Six]
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Paris Hilton opened her mouth to talk about what a tomboy she is. Yes, because if there's anything a straight guy loves to do, it's dress in pink, carry around small dogs, and blow Rick Salomon on camera. Paris Hilton, there are tomboys out there who flinch at that distinction. For them: don't. People called this a "style revelation" or something. I want to drill a hole in my face. [People]

Did you guys all have a good Thanksgiving? I hope so. It's good to know that some people, however beleaguered time and time again by the mystical forces of love in the universe, will not back down. Jennifer Aniston, for example. If I'd put the good money on her still making the top of the gossip roundup before there was a gossip roundup, I would've lost it. Anyway: This jam goes out to her, and you all. I hope you bought tons of useless wonderful things yesterday and stimulated our economy and hopefully those useless wonderful things will go to wonderful, resilient people. Like Jennifer Aniston! See how I did that? Neither do I.

[Photo via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Their movie's finished, so Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler went back to L.A. and had a "quiet dinner" on Wednesday. A source says:

They "appeared incredibly affectionate with one another" and were "kissing, hugging and leaning in to talk to each other for over two hours. But! They left separately and drove off in different directions. [Page Six]

• Victoria Beckham, who had been accused of leaving Medieval Times without leaving a tip, has sent a "generous gratuity" to her server, apologized for the mix-up, and all is well. [TMZ]
• More mixed feelings about Ellen on American Idol. [E!]
• Paula Abdul Tweeted: "I think Ellen will b a gr8 judge on Idol. She is wildly funny, talented and I wish her the best of luck!" [People]
• Oh Lord: Record labels are suing The Ellen DeGeneres Show, claiming that thousands of songs were played without permission. Boo, WTF, srsly? [Variety]
• In the Tila Tequila case, the San Diego County Sheriff's Department has handed off its evidence to the D.A,, and the D.A. has the power to file or reject charges against Shawne Merriman. Meanwhile, TT Tweeted: "A real man is able to apologize. A real woman is able to forgive and accept the apology......." [E!]
• Tila appears to have bruises all over her arms. [ONTD]
• This report asks, "Did a spurned request for a foursome lead to the fight between Shawne Merriman and bisexual girlfriend Tila Tequila?" The gist of it is that she walked in on him with two women, he asked her to join them, she got pissed and threatened to have sex with one of his friends; he choked her and threw her to the ground. [Page Six]
• Reports that Uma Thurman would be married at Kensington Palace in London: Wrong. [Daily Express]
• Picture this: Kanye West taking his first spinning class. FEEL THE BURN!!!1!! [Page Six]
• Either Stuart Townsend wears skirts or Charlize Theron likes to think he does. [NY Mag]
• If Penelope Cruz is pregnant, she's not saying. [Mirror]
• Looking for a job? Justin Timberlake is in search of an "Executive Vice President of Big Ideas" for his 901 Silver Tequila brand. The position comes with a signing bonus of $25,000. [Page Six]
• Courtney Love, Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl are not happy that players can unlock the Kurt Cobain character in Guitar Hero 5 and make him play songs by other artists like Bon Jovi and Bush. Novoselic and Grohl released a statement which read: . "It's hard to watch an image of Kurt pantomiming other artists' music alongside cartoon characters. Kurt Cobain wrote songs that hold a lot of meaning to people all over the world. We feel he deserves better." Courtney's Twitter feed contains similar outrage, but as this column notes: "we warn that the messages contain excessive profanity and demonstrate very poor grammar." [LA Times]
• Fashion's Big NIght Out saw Mary-Kate Olsen bartending at Bergdorf; Rihanna doing a five-minute lap around Intermix; and Ungaro's "artistic adviser," Lindsay Lohan, picking out a leather jacket at the store - then wearing it out the door after salesgirls ripped the tags off. [Gatecrasher]
• David Cross's new memoir, I Drink For A Reason, has an "amazing" author bio, which announces that he is "currently fucking Amber Tamblyn" and features a photo of her father, Russ Tamblyn. Cross says: "I cleared it with her, of course. She has an amazing, great sense of humor. She told her dad and her parents are super cool. Her dad laughed even harder than we did… So now we have to, like, stay together for a while." [NY Mag]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: A Tinsley Mortimer reality show is in the works. [Page Six]
• Dancing With The Stars' Karina Smirnoff on her breakup with Maksim Chmerkovsky: "It comes with the territory that everything is in the public eye, but again, it is a private matter, it is a private relationship, and it should totally stay private." [ET]
• Ghostface Killah is dedicating some tracks on his new album to Natalie Portman. "I read in some interview she did in something called Interview magazine that she likes obscene rap music," Killah says. "When I read that, it was, like, 'Oh, shit, she would love the shit I got right here on this album!' It was wild, 'cause I remember her as the little girl in The Professional, and now she's all about the wild shit." Killah added, "Yo, if you see her, give her my number. Tell her we gotta make some music together." [Page Six]
• Isabella Rossellini's Green Porno is a web sensation! [AP]
• The Michael Jackson tribute concert that was supposed to be in Vienna has been canceled. A new event will take place in London next year. [AP, Reuters]
• Maura Tierney has left the NBC show Parenthood, because of her ongoing treatments for breast cancer. [Variety]
• A woman went to see Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig on Broadway in A steady Rain and says: "They were great, but we could have done with more nudity." [NY Daily News]
• As you may recall, Jerry Seinfeld's wife, Jessica Seinfeld, wrote a cookbook called Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food. Missy Chase Lapine wrote a book called The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids' Favorite Meals, and accused Seinfeld of copying her. A judge has thrown out the lawsuit and Seinfeld's lawyer says: "Jessica did not copy anything from anyone and created her best-selling cookbook in her own kitchen from her own experiences." Case closed. [USA Today]
• LaToya Jackson owes $745,670.27 on her "swanky" condo in Las Vegas, and could lose her home unless she comes up with the cash by the end of the month. [TMZ]
• Yee-haw: "Josh Hartnett has signed on to star in Gunslinger a revenge-driven tale set in the near future in the snowy wasteland of a post-apocalyptic America." [Variety]
• Fran Drescher is in talks with Fox News; she wants her own talk show. She's A Democrat, but says: "A lot of my fans watch Fox News." [US News & World Report]
• "I enjoy teaching. There is no stress. The students are great. Making movies is a nightmare. It's all about time management and stamping out brush fires. With this one, I'm just lucky I got it made and wasn't sued. I guess that means it's a success." — Todd Solondz, on his quasi-sequel to Happiness, Life during Wartime. [Guardian]
• "To have him pass away, I'm sure the term has been used before but you could actually feel a light go out.... All of a sudden, I had a responsibility [with] the only movie adaptation, and that's something I never wanted. His work will always be, and I mean it with all due respect to the movie and the cast, his work will always be better than the movie could have been. The fear was that this project that had been such a passion project now has a responsibility." — John Krasinski, on directing a film based on the short-story collection Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, by the late David Foster Wallace. [WSJ]
• "When I first read the script, I said, 'I know why they are calling me to do this — because they need a hunk to justifying why this woman is with him.'" — Antonio Banderas, on his role in the film The Other Man, which stars Laura Linney. [LA Times]

• Unsolicited uterus update: Nicole Richie is in labor!

She has been admitted to the hospital to give birth to her second child with Joel Madden. Details to come. [ET]

• Spoilery secrets from Sex And The City 2: Gay wedding! And Jesus on Manolos, if Miley Cyrus is in the movie that has got to be one of the signs of the apocalypse. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Cops rushed to Halle Berry's house yesterday when someone tripped an alarm on the property by accident. [TMZ]
• Janet Jackson will open the MTV Video Music Awards with a musical tribute to her brother, Michael Jackson. [USA Today]
• It's been decided: Michael Jackson's three children will not enroll at the school Tito's kids attend; they will continue to be home schooled by the same tutors they had under Michael's supervision. [TMZ]
• "Various members of Michael Jackson's family tell TMZ they are already talking about lawyers who might rep them in a wrongful death lawsuit against Dr. Conrad Murray… In California, Jackson's immediate family could sue for the economic loss they have suffered by Jackson's death — e.g., the financial support Jackson could have provided had he lived. Here's the problem — Jackson's death may actually be an economic gain. It's already becoming clear Michael Jackson is more profitable in death than he was in the last years of his life." [TMZ]
• Emma Watson's first days at Brown University: Not going so great. The paparazzi shot her doing orientation activities, and a Twitter user wrote: "My dad made Emma Watson mad by taking a photo of her going inside the Financial Aid office at Brown. She was with her mom & boyfriend." And now: A CNN story! [CNN]
• Rihanna's dad: Not too thrilled about Rihanna topless (but wearing pasties) in Italian Vogue: "The photo was disturbing," he told Us Weekly. He was, however, amused by Chris Brown on Larry King Live: "The costume he wore was so funny. That bow tie thing. He needs to bury that." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Uh-oh. According to this column, even though a judge ordered Chris Brown and Rihanna to stay away from each other, they can't. A source says "They spoke to their lawyers to see what was allowed, and are now planning two weeks in Mexico." As always, consider the source on this. [MSNBC via Britain's Star]
• Tila Tequila's lawyer claims that Shawne Merriman's version of events is "spin." In a statement, Tila's rep says: "Fortunately, we as a society will not tolerate a 6'4", 270 pound all-pro NFL linebacker physically assaulting a young lady who is 4'11" and 93 pounds. It is never justifiable to brutally assault, choke, strike and imprison a woman." [TMZ]
• Shawne Merriman's ex-girlfriend says "he never laid a hand on me" and "it's out of his character" to lash out at a woman. [TMZ]
• Kate Hudson was spotted wearing a diamond band on THAT finger, so speculation is that it's a meaningful gift from A-Rod. [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse's dad caught his daughter in bed with none other than "druggie and former jailbird" Blake Fielder-Civil. Mitch Winehouse allegedly threatened to "punch his lights out." [The Sun]
• Brody Jenner met with cops yesterday to make a statement about the altercation between his girlfriend Jayde Nicole and Girls Gone Wild mastermind Joe Francis. [Radar Online]
• Antonio Banderas told Ellen that knee operations after a skiing accident required Melanie Griffith to use narcotics again, which is why she went to rehab. Antonio says: "In March, she came to me and said, 'I'm feeling a little bit weak in my determination for this ... so I just thought to go to rehabilitation by myself. So the whole entire family is supporting her, and I am supporting her, and at this particular time more than ever. I'm very proud of her." [People]
• Jay-Z will perform at Madison Square Garden on Friday at a special September 11 benefit concert, and tickets — originally priced at $55 — are being scalped for $200 to $3,000. Jay says he's "disheartened." [AP]
• Yoko Ono allegedly told Britain's Sky News channel that the entire Beatles' music catalog will be made available on iTunes; then the news item was removed. Is an announcement imminent? [MSNBC]
• This report claims that the Yoko/iTunes story is untrue. [CBS News]
• Kourtney Kardashian baby shower "secrets" at the link. [People]
• Kourtney Kardashian's baby daddy, Scott Disick, hangs out with Kevin Federline. [Page Six]
• Pamela Anderson has been dating this electrician/surfer for a while now, but People calls it a "new shocker." [People]
• Pam Anderson plays a scantily clad security guard who strips passengers of animal products in a new PETA ad, which the CNN Airport Network has deemed too racy, saying "children make up part of the demographic in airports." [Page Six]
• Simon Cowell is planning a massive, $400,000 party for his 50th birthday, with Elton John, Kevin Spacey, Denise Richards and Donald Trump attending. [MSNBC]
• Robert Rodriguez is taking over Austin, Texas as his new flick, Machete, starts filming. Look for Jessica Alba, Robert De Niro, Michelle Rodriguez and, yes, Lindsay Lohan. [Page Six]
• Lil Wayne's North American tour grossed about $42 million and drew nearly 804,000 fans, making it the highest grossing hip-hop outing of the year — and the most lucrative rap tour that Billboard has ever tracked. Plus, that kind of cash buys a lot of whatever Weezy drinks out of that styrofoam cup. [Reuters]
• Halle Berry is in talks to star in action-thriller Dark Tide. Penned by Amy Sorlie, the story concerns a diving instructor who returns to the deep after a near-fatal incident with a Great White shark. [Variety]
• Rapper Eve was in the VIP area of a club when she got hungry, so she asked for "something vegetarian, like grilled cheese or chicken fingers." [Page Six]
• Everything you never wanted to know about Sydney Andrews, the Melrose Place character played by Laura Leighton. [People]
• Laura Krafft — who once worked for Stephen Colbert — will head the writing team for Wanda Sykes' new show. [Page Six]
• Spandau Ballet: Making a comeback. [Daily Mail]
• "For a while I thought, well, maybe I just don't want to work any more, or work now, because nothing was appealing to me. It actually was a little nerve-racking. But I read this and I thought: 'Here's something.'" — Edie Falco on Nurse Jackie. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "9/11 has been the pretext for the systematic dismantling of our Constitution and Bill of Rights… the official story behind 9/11 is a fraud" — Charlie Sheen. [Page Six]
• "The second time I had plastic surgery I got it done for free. People was covering it and I met a team of doctors that had a publicist who kept adding procedures. The guy who did my LASIK surgery wanted to do a 'tune-up' and now I've had five surgeries on my eye. I have partial blindness in one of my eyes, actually. It was very much like Nip/Tuck where they'd be like, 'Tell me what you don't like about yourself,' and then they'd draw all over you with markers to highlight your 'problem' areas. […] Besides, I actually have a theory that my original nose has grown back. I heard that your ears and nose continue to grow as you age so I think that I'm right back to where I started." — Kathy Griffin. [Time]
• "We never wanted to be parents, with all that entails: the loss of freedom, total dependency. I didn't have a work ethic for such a long time. Imagine if I had a child like me? I didn't start earning until I was 36. I'm the sort of person who has to check three times that I've shut the door, so I'd probably stare at a kid all day to check it was breathing." — Ricky Gervais on he and partner Jane Fallon's decision not to have children. [The Sun]
• "I'm not the kind of woman who waits a lot. [Laughs.] I take life as it is, and it just happened that my masseuse, Su-Man, asked me, 'Do you want to dance?' I was lying on the table having a massage, and I said, 'Yes.' Then I met with Akram, and they proposed, 'Do you want to do three days of trying something together?' But I never think of time, because when you're inside of your life, you don't think of time. It's a learning process with my body, and it's challenging, but I love it because it allows me to enter different worlds, spaces, and fears. I don't want to go to the same place. Otherwise, I'm bored." — Juliette Binoche, on In-I, a dance performance she choreographed with Akram Khan, in BAM's Next Wave Festival. [Village Voice]
• Q: Paparazzi get photos of celebrities doing pretty much everything, but they never seem to get pictures of stars after surgery. Why is that? A: Oh, there's a whole system you need to know about. First of all, the plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills all have secret celebrity doors. After the surgery, you leave the plastic surgeon's office covered in a sheet that's not unlike a burqa. Your assistant takes you to an upscale hotel where you hide in a dark room of shame until you're better. There are bandaged rich ladies walking around the hallways of the Four Seasons and the Peninsula in Beverly Hills right now. It's not unlike being a war criminal or a terrorist. — Kathy Griffin. [Time]

• Melanie Griffith's rep confirmed that she has checked into a rehab facility saying, "This is part of a routine plan that was designed between her and her doctors years ago." But sources say husband Antonio Banderas demanded she get sober.

• "Melanie's struggling right now, but Antonio has been checking in on her as much as he is allowed, making sure she gets back on her feet. Without Antonio in her life, I honestly believe Melanie would be dead," says the source. [Star]
• A law enforcement official told the Associated Press that the L.A. County coroner has ruled Michael Jackson's death a homicide. The report hasn't been released to the public yet, but forensic tests found that MJ died when propofol mixed with at least two sedatives in his system. It's now even more likely that criminal charges will be filed against Dr. Conrad Murray. [MSNBC]
• According to a search warrant affidavit, Dr. Conrad Murray told the police he had been giving Michael Jackson propofol every night to treat his insomnia. Murray said he only left the room for two minutes to go to the bathroom and when he came back MJ wasn't breathing. [TMZ]
• The law firm that did work for Michael Jackson during his child molestation trial claims the estate still owes them $200,000. [TMZ]
• Katherine Jackson says Michael Jackson would have loved next month's global tribute concert in Vienna. She says, "An event of this dimension not only keeps Michael's spirit alive, more than that: It gives millions of fans the opportunity to experience his music and celebrate the life of my son." [AP]
• In the video at the link Jasmine Fiore's mother and Robert Hasman, the ex she was texting on the night she was murdered, talk about Ryan Jenkins' suicide. Hasman says, "I was happy that Ryan, that he killed himself." [TMZ]
• Though Ryan Jenkins was found dead in a hotel room in Canada yesterday, police are still looking for the women who allegedly drove him to the hotel, checked him in, paid for three days, and left 20 minutes later. [TMZ]
• At the link are pictures of the hotel room where Jenkins was found, which were taken after the room was cleaned. He was hanging from the coat rack but his feet were touching the ground. [TMZ]
• Police say they have identified the woman but won't reveal her identity. The hotel manager says he's "100% sure" it's Paulina Chmielecka, Jenkins' former fiance, but police say it isn't her and her agent says, "There is no way it can be her because on Friday she was doing a fashion show and Saturday she was filming a cooking show... She's grieving the loss of someone she used to love." [TMZ]
• Police say they are investigating whether the woman could face charges of being an accessory after the fact to a border violation and evading police. [AP]
• At V Festival Amy Winehouse said of ex Blake Fielder-Civil, "He's my man." During a magic show Amy held up an ace and said: "You see this ace card right here, this one is for me and Blake - it's our lucky card, he's my man, we can make it, we're so strong together." [The Mirror]
• Brad Pitt's manager says he was misquoted by a German magazine that reported he called Valkyrie "ridiculous." His manager explains, "Brad has never even seen Valkyrie." [UPI]
• OMG, Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were totally holding hands! "Jen and Gerry went out on Saturday night," says a source,"[they] had cocktails and … They were hand in hand." Does this mean Jen like likes him? [People]
• This latest step in their high school romance makes sense according to another source because "Jennifer won't date a normal guy... She goes after the hottest thing of the moment, what she knows will get her the most time in the spotlight." [Us]
• Britney Spears' ex, Adnan Ghalib, has pled not guilty to hitting a process server who was serving him papers regarding her conservatorship with his car. [TMZ]\
• Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart took a trip on Friday, driving from L.A. to Santa Barbara. An eyewitness said, "Rebecca looked tired and upset." [People]
• "I have cellulite. I admit it," says Cindy Crawford. "Sometimes I just say, 'Screw it, I am going to wear a bikini.'" [People]
• Ugh. An MTV executive says that next season on The Hills, "Heidi and Spencer are entering some interesting new territory of considering parenthood." [People]
• Martina Navratilova is engaged to Russian beauty queen and model Julia Lemigova who was in the news in 2005 when her former lover, Edouard Stern, was murdered by his mistress during sadomasochist sex. [Daily Mail]
• A new Jay-Z song called "Off That" was released this weekend. It includes the lyrics: "Please tell Bill O'Reilly to fall back. Tell Rush Limbaugh to get off my balls. It's 2010, not 1864." [Politico]
• Wanda Sykes says she doesn't regret telling jokes about Rush Limbaugh at the White House Correspondents' Dinner. "I missed the flak because I wasn't even watching television over the next few days. ... But I wouldn't change anything," she says, "I just know a lot of people were in the room, and they were all laughing, so I think there's a little hypocrisy there - people covering their ass." [Politico]
• The View has announced a few more celebrities who will guest host next season while Elisabeth Hasselbeck is on maternity leave, including Meghan McCain, LaToya Jackson, Victoria Beckham, and Kathy Griffin, who apparently isn't banned for life. [The View]
• A&E is being sued over the network's new Steven Seagal reality show because a production company claims the idea was stolen from an idea they pitched for a reality show about Seagal, Chuck Norris, and Jean-Claude Van Damme living together. [TMz]
• Tyra Banks will be in the fourth episode of Gossip Girl this season and will play the late singer and actress Josephine Baker. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Denise Richards says of sending her daughter Sam to school in the fall, "It's bittersweet... Sami starts kindergarten, which I cannot believe, in a couple of weeks. I'm so sad about it." [People]
• "I will always love Chanel and I am completely irrational when it comes to their clothes. I will see a dress and not like it. But then, when I hear it's Chanel, I suddenly have to have it!" — Anne Hathaway [New!]
• Christopher Reeve's son, Matthew Reeve, is training to run the New York City marathon in honor of his father. He says, "I'm constantly grateful and appreciative of being able to do the simplest, most basic functions, and the fact that I have good health and can move normally. That's something I've been more aware of and grateful for since the age of 15 than most people. There is a sense of, well, I can and I should." [N.Y. Times]
• "I don't think a naked body is particularly shocking or interesting. It's not the culture I was raised in. I was not brought up in the United States. I don't share the [attitude] that you can have graphic violence, but – God forbid – you see someone's nipples." — Anna Paquin [People]
• "The thing about vampirism is that it taps into a female point of view – you have an old-fashioned gentleman with manners who is a fucking killer… it's an interesting duality, because in our present society it would be an odd thing for a woman to say, ‘I want my man to be physical with me.' How, as a modern man, can you fucking work that? It's one thing to be polite and gentle… But when do you know it's OK to crawl out of the mud and rape her [as Bill does in one scene]?… It's difficult stuff for a bloke, but a vampire gets away with it…. I think that's the attraction of the show – it's looking back at a romantic time when men were men, but they were still charming." — True Blood's Stephen Moyer [Just Jared]

[London, July 31. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Here's the first picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick with their new twins, Marion and Tabitha Broderick. Big brother James, are you ready for double trouble? [TMZ]

• Britney Spears has dark hair and something that looks like an engagement ring. What does it mean??? [NY Daily News]
• Uh-oh: Us Weekly dropped $120,000 for exclusive rights to Kendra Wilkinson's wedding, but the death of Michael Jackson will push her bridal bliss off the cover. [Page Six]
• Will Michael Jackson's body be put on display in a coffin of glass, like Eva Peron? [The Sun]
• Michael Jackson's mother has been granted temporary guardianship of his three kids. [LA Times]
• According to a source, Michael Jackson almost died once before — in 2004 — he was unconscious and had to be revived. [Fox News]
• Michael Jackson's doctor didn't call 911 for a half hour after finding MJ unconscious. [TMZ]
• The LAPD is trying to identify and interview "multiple doctors" who treated or prescribed medicine to Michael Jackson. [LA Times]
• Michael Jackson's mother Katherine is worried about people stealing from MJ's estate. [TMZ]
• Debbie Rowe has been reaching out to the Jackson family, but has been unsuccessful. [People]
• A will drafted by Michael Jackson in 2002 may be released this week. [WSJ]
• "Michael Jackson's Last Art Purchase." A wicked witch painting. [TMZ]
• "Michael Jackson was spending £30,000 a month on prescription drugs," says this paper, which lied to us yesterday. [The Sun]
• "Michael Jackson's Death: Sorting Fact From Fiction." A run down of all the claims and contradictions. [NY Daily News]
• Two weeks before he died, Michael Jackson completed a video project; his last. [AP]
• Expect some "instant" Michael Jackson books — some due by the end of the week, one coming in July. [AP]
• Michael Jackson's "This Is It" tour is being transformed into a tribute concert in September, and Madonna may take part. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Here is Lindsay Lohan posing like Michael Jackson. [NY Daily News]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a statement from Jon and Kate Gosselin: "During this very difficult time we will be working to focus solely on the needs of our family. This includes no longer commenting publicly or reacting to media stories and speculation. Our goal is to do the very best for our children and that will be done as privately as possible. We appreciate the understanding, support and well wishes from so many. Thank you." [TLC]
• Chris Brown was not at the BET Awards because Al Sharpton and Jay-Z were "very vocal" with producers about not letting him appear. [Gatecrasher]
• A source says: "Jay-Z wasn't having it. He threatened to pull out of the show if Chris was involved, so BET dropped Chris." [Page Six]
• Chris Brown's friend Teairra Mari says: "He's sorry. That's my friend, and I love Chris. He's a good kid-he just made a mistake. He knows that and feels terrible about it." [E!]
• Justin Timberlake went out boozing with Guy Ritchie, and guess which one went home at 2:30am and which one stayed in the pub? Guy was in it til the bitter end. [The Sun]
• How is the filming of The Runaways going? Well, Joan Jett made Kristen Stewart cry. So. [Gatecrasher]
• Some GQ Brüno pictures in which the character is posing with a high school football team have infuriated a school official in L.A., who says: "We've allowed our students to be used, and not in the most glamorous circumstances either." [UPI]
• Susan Boyle on Ugly Betty? Why, yes. [Telegraph]
• Amy Winehouse has been banned from taking in any more stray dogs after resort management had to fumigate her house in St. Lucia. [The Sun]
• George Clooney is not dead. Why are there so many death pranks? That shit is not funny. [TMZ]
• Kate Moss's boyfriend Jamie Hince is getting tired of Kate's lengthy karaoke sessions and is limiting her to half an hour a day. [The Sun]
• Lady GaGa visited an HIV Support Centre in Manchester, UK yesterday, and said: "I've been doing volunteer work since I was two." She also said: "I want to make it fashionable to have safe sex. You must be safe. You can have sex with hundreds of people with a condom on and get nothing. If you have sex without one, then you could get all sorts of problems." To which this paper asks, "Speaking from experience?" [The Sun]
• Ashton Kutcher is Tweeting for the White House. No, really. [Politico]
• Kathy Griffin on NPR! "NPR listeners, I know who you are. I know you guys read books, which I find tedious. You guys might try a book called Us Weekly. OK? It's a really good book. It has a lot of pictures." [NPR]
• Megan Fox spent the weekend in Las Vegas with Brian Austin Green. Back together? [E!]
• Someone threw a drink on Anna Kournikova at a club in Vegas and the tennis player "sprang into action," showing and screaming at the lady. [Page Six]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur continues to blog about her "weight loss journey." She writes: "I downloaded the video of Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' and started to learn her dance. Let me tell you, if I ever did that dance in a club I would still be a single lady!!! But what a workout! It was free and fun and it kept my son very entertained – it was like a real-life Muppet danced out of his TV and into the living room. It kept him and, sadly, my husband very amused for almost an hour." [People]
• "Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas And Melanie Griffiths' Garden Seized As Spain Cracks Down On Illegal Coastal Homes." They'll lose their 40 foot swimming pool! [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman — sister of Nicole and TV personality in Australia — addicted to exercise? [News.com.au]
• Redmond O'Neal with be allowed to leave jail to attend his mother Farrah Fawcett's funeral. [People]
• Law And Order: SVU fans, take note: Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay have finally signed on to stay for two more seasons. [Variety]
• Amy Adams is in negotiations to star alongside Christian Bale and Mark Wahlberg in boxing drama The Fighter. [Variety]
• Some kind of drama involving Kanye West's bisexual girlfriend Amber Rose and a singer named Nicki Minaj, who Amber hit on? [ONTD]
• Here's a Q&A with Wilco's Jeff Tweedy, who says: "We did get word that whoever's in charge of loading [Barack Obama's] iPod requested the record and we got the record in." [Time]
• Best wishes to 92-year-old Zsa Zsa Gabor, who is out of the hospital after a 6-day stay for flu-like symptoms. [AP]
• The Nutty Professor is coming to Broadway, and Jerry Lewis will direct. [AP]
• Whatshername and Whatshisname: fighting in public. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which former boy bander looked oh-so-strung-out over the weekend? His diet of booze and nose candy certainly isn't helping his skin-and-bones appearance." [Gatecrasher]
• "I don't watch TV comedy in the UK anymore. We've got some poor copies of Curb Your Enthusiasm, some poor copies of Entourage and some poor copies of Seinfeld. With a few exceptions the Americans seem to be ahead of the game." — Ricky Gervais. [The Sun]
• "I pointed to a spot where I told him I wanted to be buried. Michael had a meltdown right then and there when he heard this. He shrieked and bent over and said, 'No, no, no.' [He said,] 'Don't ever talk about your dying. Don't ever think about it.' I couldn't pretend to understand him. There were so many complicated signals. Did he want me to be his 'older woman' friend? He gravitated to older women. For solace? Succor? A beard? Did he want me to teach him the ropes? I never could quite figure it out." — Jane Fonda, on her relationship with Michael Jackson. [E!]
• "I wish I could say that I was inspired by him for a role, I was inspired by him because I think he was a great artist but he was not the inspiration for Willy Wonka contrary to what most people say. No no no, I never ever thought of playing Michael Jackson in a film, I think if anyone should play Michael Jackson in a film it should've been Michael Jackson. A mother and a father have lost a son, siblings have lost a brother and millions of people around the world have lost someone they love. Children have lost a father so it's obviously a very sad, sad moment." — Johnny Depp. [The Star]
• "At the moment I feel like I need to go away and figure out what I want to do and be myself for a bit. I just want to take a step back from it and not rush into stuff. I need university to give me that break. People think because I'm going to university I'm never going to act again, but it's actually me… I want to… figure out how I feel about everything first. Maybe I'll keep acting, maybe I won't. I just want to find something where I feel I have to do this. Maybe that'll happen when I read a script. It felt like that with Hermione. I want to feel like that again." — Emma Watson, who will attend Columbia University in the fall. [Elle UK, NY Daily News]

• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were wed yesterday in Santa Monica. The bride wore Dolce & Gabbana, and so did her three dogs. [Us Magazine]

• A source claims that often, and especially towards the end of the marriage, Guy Ritchie would call Madonna "It." As in "It's in a bad mood today." And "We can't make It angry." This paper has a helpful illustration of Cousin Itt wearing a pointy bra. [The Sun]
• Blake is no longer incarcerated! Amy Winehouse's husband got out of jail yesterday and says of the divorce: "It's all going ahead - but I don't really know what will happen." And! "It's just nice to be on the outside again. Now I am going to get over my drug habit." Amy, who is still in St. Lucia, may return to London to try and "save her marriage." Really? [The Sun]
• Will Chris Brown go to jail? Will the charges ever be filed? Is his crime a misdemeanor or a felony? So many questions, not enough answers. [People]
• Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman went out and did karaoke together in Tokyo. Ten bucks says they sang nothing but show tunes. [E!]
• Daniel Radcliffe took a "mystery brunette" out on a date and the paps were there to make things even more awkward! [Daily Mail]
• Remember how Jeremy Piven abruptly quit Speed-The Plow? A grievance hearing took place yesterday, but no agreement was reached. Will producers take it to court? [AP]
• Piven says he dropped out of the play after being examined by a "Harvard-educated cardiologist affiliated with Yale." So there. [TMZ]
• Piven cried twice during the 20 minute hearing and said he'd been "incredibly sick." [NY Times]
• Producers failed to prove that Piven should not have dropped out of the play. [People]
• Initiation ceremonies require Princes William and Harry to drink through a straw from a toilet filled with beer and strip naked to run the length of the runway at the Royal Air Force base in Lincolnshire. This is how you "earn your drinking wings" or something. [The Sun]
• So you know the little girl who played Latika in Slumdog? Rubina Ali? Her parents had to be pulled apart after brawling with each other at her homecoming yesterday. A neighbor says: "They were hitting each other and tearing each other's clothes off." Apparently her mom walked out when Rubina was four, leaving her father to care for her, and her father called the mom a "money grabber." Countered the mother: "I'm not here for money, I just want to celebrate the success." [The Sun]
• Crap: Azharuddin Mohammed, the ten-year-old boy who played young Salim in Slumdog was beaten by his father yesterday. He was tired from his flight from L.A. and refused his father's request to leave their shack and face the media; his father started hitting him. There's a picture of the kid crying. [Daily Mail]
• Even though Jewel hurt her knees while rehearsing, producers are "desperate" to keep her on Dancing With The Stars. [MSNBC]
• Early word is that Lil' Kim is the one to beat on Dancing With The Stars. Can't wait to see her costumes! [People]
• Russell Simmons has agreed to pay $40,000 a month in child support to Kimora Lee Simmons. She has sole custody of their 2 daughters. And now: Gobs of cash. [AP]
• Loving, loving Beyoncé's hair on the April 2009 cover of Ebony! [The Life Files]
• LOL: please just look at the expression on his face in these high school yearbook pictures of Will Ferrell! [TMZ]
• Jodie Foster was caught speeding, and it was caught on tape, but the footage won't be shown. Apparently she got "annoyed," "angry" and "agitated" with the cops. [Page Six]
• Critics are praising U2's new album even as they critique Bono. Writes Washington Post's J. Freedom du Lac: "It's becoming increasingly difficult to hear U2's music without filtering it through your feelings about the other Bono, that strident, sanctimonious swirl of idealism, agenda and ego." [Reuters]
• If you're interested in the 1996 audition that changed Edward Norton's life, click the link at the end of this sentence. [ET]
• This is interesting: A film version of the musical Damn Yankees will star Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal. Who will play Lola? You know that whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. [Variety]
• Not sure why this behind the scenes video of Mischa Barton at a photoshoot is so dull, maybe because she has the same blank expression in every scene. [BlackBook]
• No idea what Woody Allen's new flick is about, but the cast is intriguing: Antonio Banderas, Freida Pinto, Naomi Watts, Josh Brolin and Anthony Hopkins. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pink. Dolly Parton. Rocking chairs. For sale! [USA Today]
• The conflict between Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards has died down. So says Charlie's younger brother Ramon Estevez, whom I did not know existed. [E!]
• George Lucas will produce his first film, post-Star Wars. It's based on the famed Tuskegee Airmen. [Fox 411]
• The Coen brothers have a new film, and it's a short, fake commercial slamming the coal industry. [Guardian]
• MC Hammer's new TV show, Hammertime, will give viewers a glimpse of his life as "as a businessman, computer geek, proud father and husband." No word on whether he is too legit to quit. [AP]
• Jermaine Jackson is working on getting custody of his sons after one told a teacher that his mother had been slapping him repeatedly across the face. [RadarOnline]
• This didn't get a lot of press, but people in wheelchairs protested the Academy giving Jerry Lewis a humanitarian award at the Oscars because they object to the way he talks about "the cripples." Producers actually tried to make sure the foreign press wouldn't write about the incident. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart will get a lifetime achievement award from songwriter's group ASCAP. [Reuters]
• Paul Newman was given a posthumous honour by the US Congress on Tuedsay. [Reuters]
• Be honest: How do we feel about the fact that Eddie Murphy will play Richard Pryor in a biopic? [Guardian]
• Blind item! "Which angry comic had a few cast and crew members fired from his hit show - all because they overshadowed him?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I think that what I'm getting to explore is really the heart of a woman. And I can't say that about everything that I've done. Or maybe I've explored the heart of a woman, but it's been like skating on ice. You know, often you don't get to swim in it. It's an in-depth exploration, and kind of a close-up look at a woman, at all the different ways that she… I think in a way it's about love. You know? It's about love… all the different ways that she loves and whether those loves are acceptable or not." — Holly Hunter, on Saving Grace. [The Daily Beast]
• "I know that Ben Stiller for example, he watches American Idol and he'll email me: 'Hey, who got kicked off?' you know, the night it's on. I'm like, dude — I can't tell you, sorry, you're gonna have to watch. Coming up tonight on prime time!" — Ryan Seacrest, on Idol's celeb fans. [Mirror]
• "It's particularly distressing to me to observe that we're fine with these young women, who it normally is, who are chased, stalked, put under siege by battalions of strange men who sleep in their car and follow them and take pictures up their skirts, and when they throw the dummy out or whatever, everyone thinks they've gone mad. I would defy anyone not to be affected by what is, I think, harassment really. I just think it's slightly below a moral code that I have as a man or as a human being. To chase people, it just seems very bestial." — Rupert Friend, aka Keira Knightley's hottie boyfriend, who is in two films of his own this spring. [Independent]
• "I did not kiss her. She kissed me. We had fun." — Teri Hatcher, on her on-screen smooch with Eva Longoria Parker for Desperate Housewives. [Mirror]
• "At times I was incapable of getting enough oxygen to get my lines out on stage, and sometimes I'd forget where I was in the play. This misconception that I was out partying was wrong. My problem was that as soon as I woke up, I wanted to figure out a way to get back into bed." — Jeremy Piven. [NY Times]
• "Ty said he thinks his best chance of beating me is if I get pregnant during the show so I would be too tired to dance. Talk about a strategy! Of course, that would be fine with me if it did happen, so either way would be a win!" — Jewel, on competing against her husband, Ty Murray on Dancng With The Stars. [People]
• "We pay millions and millions of dollars in tax. The thing that stung us [about the criticism] was the accusation of hypocrisy for my work as an activist. I can understand how people outside the country wouldn't understand how Ireland got to its prosperity but everybody in Ireland knows that there are some very clever people in the Government and in the Revenue who created a financial architecture that prospered the entire nation – it was a way of attracting people to this country who wouldn't normally do business here. And the financial services brought billions of dollars every year directly to the exchequer. What's actually hypocritical is the idea that then you couldn't use a financial services centre in Holland. The real question people need to ask about Ireland's tax policy is: ‘Was the nation a net gain benefactor?' And of course it was – hugely so." — Bono, on the criticism of U2 moving part of its business to the Netherlands to lessen its tax burden. [Irish Times]
• "If you get knocked down, setbacks in life, like applying for a job if they don't hire you, keep trying, keep getting up, keep doing it. Don't give up, that's what it's about. I'm so tough and so bad, I can be humble and lift another guy up." — Mr. T, giving advice to the unemployed. [Mirror]
• "'Brown Eyed Girl' I didn't perform for a long time because for me it was like a throwaway song. I've got about 300 other songs I think are better than that." — from 10 questions with Van Morrison. [Time]
• "Hmm, [how to add] a sexy sizzle to your look? Well high heels are probably the easiest thing, I would say. Instant glamour. Walking around in them naked, you don't need anything else really." — Dita Von Teese. [Daily Express]
• "I hope it won't change anything in how other directors and actors work with me. I mean, the Oscar's going in the loo, next to Sam's. I'm not taking it on a set. I'm just going to work the way I've always worked, which is just to get on with it." — Kate Winslet on her Academy Award. [Daily Mail]

• LiLo's "Marilyn Monroe-inspired leggings" (?) are "blowing off the shelves." [NY Daily News]
• Speaking of qualified designers: is Victoria Beckham's collection just a Roland Mouret ripoff? "Rumors are circulating in the fashion industry that the man behind the famous Galaxy dress — the hourglass dress that made women look like Forties Hollywood stars — is largely behind her collection. Last night, Victoria’s PR team admitted she is using the same seamstresses, pattern cutters and fabric makers as 45-year-old Mouret." [Daily Mail]
• Just go with it: Pharrell Williams is manufacturing yarn. [WWD]
• Poor Marc Jacobs: lonely, still using MySpace. “I need some photographs for my MySpace page...I don’t know how to post the pictures, so my assistant does it. MySpace makes people happy, which is cool. Also I get very lonely, and MySpace makes me feel better.” [Times of London]

• Lagerfeld's latest campaign is based on Colette's novel Cheri, the story of a young man enamored of a much older courtesan. Jerry Hall's taking the lead! [WWD]
• And other designers have discovered there are women over 40; make Michelle Obama their "muse." [WSJ]
• Speaking of Michelle, Tommy Hilfiger, not surprisingly, thinks she should choose an American designer for the inaugural ball. "And it should be of her choice. I don't think a stylist or somebody else should pick it out for her. She has great taste and I think she should go for it herself." [ET]
• Speaking of Tommy, he just signed a bunch of perfume bottles in Berlin. [WWD]
• Speaking of cologne, Coty is going to be distributing Antonia Banderas' latest scent. [WWD]
• Does the Beijing Dior exhibit sound ever-so-slightly...dissonant? "In a former factory space in the city’s booming 798 arts district, 50 works specially commissioned for the exhibition commingle with the original couture gowns by Dior and John Galliano (creative director since 1997) that inspired them." [New York Times]
• As if we didn't know we were in a recession: "Spring is awash in romantic Seventies motifs and styles: lush florals, hippie fringe, earthy tunics and eclectic accessories." [WWD]
• Speaking of recessions, more designers jump on the cut-rate Fashion Week bandwagon. [Times of London]
• Throw Cacharel on the pile, too. [WWD]
• And this Diet Coke fashion webcast — featuring Rihanna, Robin Thicke, and Cynthia Rowley — is really no substitute. [Fashionista]
• Still speaking of the recession! Fashionistas discover tailoring! [Daily Mail]
• They also discover "conscious consumption!" Or anyway, that's what Faith Popcorn's trying to coin. [WWD]
• In response, the luxury market needs to end "fast luxury," get serious! [WWD]
• And speaking of the Depression (literally), this Manhattan Boutique "1929" is giving out free soup while people browse their pricey clothes. Tasteful. [Fashionista]

[Image via Daily News]

[La Coruna, Spain; October 15. Image via Flynet]

• Designer Vivienne Westwood is switching party allegiances from the (liberal) Labour to the (conservative) Tory, and will even be the keynote speaker at her new political party's Christmas party. Warns Westwood: "I'm going to take the opportunity to put them right on a few things. They're not going to get what they bargained for." [Vogue UK]
  
• "Russians have started to learn that less bling is better, that more sophistication is in. The women here learn this slower than the rest of world, but they're learning for sure." Donatella Versace, folks. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Heidi Montag of The Hills is designing clothing line for the label Anchor Blue. See, it happened in one of those brainstorming sessions where an Anchor Blue executive was like, "Who can we get that would actually be less qualified to design a clothing line than L.C. from The Hills?" [Sassybella]
  
• Cory Kennedy is the new face of Urban Decay. Which is kind of cute, because she's the age we were when we thought Urban Decay — the nail polish, the societal phenomenon, etc.— were cool. [Fashionista]

• B.U.M. Equipment is back. And starting a line called B.U.M. Organics. Way to beat the old, played-out, trendhumping image that killed your clothing line in the eighties and stay true to your authentic brand identity, guys! [WWD, sub req'd]
• OMG: Elle Macpherson and Bryan Adams are dating! Dude, we can't even remember the last time we heard about Bryan Adams. [Daily Mail UK]
• Model Erin O'Connor is all totally swoony for Antonio Banderas. [Daily Express]
• First New York, then the Blue States! After TopShop opens in Manhattan in September, the company plans to open additional locations on both coasts. [MediaPost]
• Model Hana Soukupova on when she "first felt beautiful": "I guess when I went into fashion. You know, I'm from a small town in Czech Republic, and I never thought I could do this, you know?" Profound. [BellaSugar]
• Hillary Clinton: Likes hats! [WWD, 2nd item]
• Badgley Mischka: Dressing the Alvin Ailey company's principal dancers! [WWD, 3rd item]
• Would you like a Vivienne Tam-designed MP3 player? [Fashion Week Daily]

[Rome, Italy; June 15. Image via Splash]

• Following in the footsteps of designers Tom Ford and Donna Karan, sixties fashion icon Arnold Scaasi will appear on Martha Stewart's morning show on Monday. Martha is totally fashion's new alpha tastemaker! And you thought you had to be a frigid, humorless bitch who never eats for that job! [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Shopping for the lazy just got that much easier: Home Shopping Network to introduce system where products may be purchased through use of remote control. [WSJ, sub req'd]
  
• Victoria's Secret is cutting back its marketing expenditures as a result of crap sales, which can only mean Karolina Kurkova will have to take a pay cut. However will she eat? [Marketing Daily]
  
• Tom Ford says an eponymous womenswear line is to come. Some joke about clothing the naked starlets blah, blah, blah. [Vogue UK]

• Antonio Banderas wants hot, young men... to wear his new fragrance. (Why, what did you think we meant?) [WWD, sub req'd]
• Covert mission possibly in place to find a designer to succeed Valentino. And the woman behind the curtain just might be fashion pinch-hitter (she took over briefly when Tom Ford left Gucci) Alessandra Facchinetti. [WWD, 1st item]
• Hmm, maybe Valentino's successor should be designer Tracy Reese, of whom Vogue's Editor-at-Large Andre Leon Talley says: "If Valentino had a daughter, she would be Tracy Reese." Yeah if Valentino was straight and into black women! [WWD, 2nd item]