Fashion Week! It's going on right now! It's so pretty! It's so…totally fucking ridiculous and unattainable and can really make you loathe your not-particularly-loathsome closet. You want new stuff. But you don't want to spend money.

One week from today, you will have the opportunity to obtain free clothes. YES THIS IS TRUE. This is impossible, you say. Does this involve magical fashion elves?

Oh, Fashion Week, you cruel mistress. Actually, no — you're a bitch. You're a pretty, skinny bitch, showing us all of your lovely clothes, most of which we would like to wear and none of which we can afford. You're like a bully who follows us home at the end of the day; even when the shows are over, we're left feeling…

The slow and sluggish days of summer are winding down, which means it's time to wake the hell up and get moving again — lucky for you, Jezebel is looking for some highly motivated new interns to join the party. If you're a Jane (or Jack!) of all trades, read on.

Hey, remember that awesome movie you used to watch all the time on basic cable and smuggled VHS tapes, and then you grew up and realized it also happened to have a strong female lead, a ridiculously hot sex scene, and pro-choice values? We do too! And we're excited to invite you to watch it with us on Monday, August 8…

Ta-da! Jezebel's shiny new mobile site has finally launched. It loads quickly, looks pretty, and has some neat bells and whistles: Much like on our regular site, you can watch videos, look at the most popular stories (the flame icon), decide whether you want to read featured comments or all of 'em, and you can even…

Do you fancy yourself a pop culture aficionado? Can you stomach watching daytime television trash, 24-hour news networks, reality programming, or any combination of the three? Do you have enough willpower to keep your eyes glued to a television screen for hours at a time?

Sex. Sexy sex sex. Do we have your attention? Since our post about pegging was so successful, we're going to schedule a slot (heh) of time solely dedicated to talking about NSFW sexy sex stuff. Tune in at midnight, Monday through Friday, and we'll tackle a different subject every day. Today's topic: Male porn stars.…

It's an ambush makeover! Kathie Lee and Hoda grabbed Jezebel from Rockefeller Plaza, Louis Licari had at us, and now it's time for the big reveal. Splashy, huh?

Some exciting, site-related news: We're doing a book! Two, in fact.

We occasionally bug you to "like" us on Facebook, but now you can keep up with your extra-favorite Jezebel staffers individually. Come, yes, we're waiting for you!

Sick of seeing ridiculous, stupid "sexy" Halloween costumes for women? Fuck yes, you are. So let's protest the trend by showing off your scariest and/or goofiest unsexy costumes. Lingerie is not welcome here, oh no.

After perusing hundreds of disgusting stories, we posted the top ten and created a poll. The votes are in! The winning story is a traumatizing tale of pain and embarrassment, with totally gross details and mesmerizing video.

Trade in at least one wearable item — clothes, shoes, accessories — and walk out with something new-to-you. The more you bring, the merrier the rummaging! (And the more the environment will love you for it.) Essential details:

Who likes free clothes? Why, you do! That's why you're going to come to Jezebel's clothing swap tomorrow night, right?

Love the clothes as one may, Fashion Week is not, alas, a retail opportunity for mere mortals. Reality lives far from the runways, particularly if you aren't rolling in piles of money and/or free time.