Gwyneth Paltrow Tells You How To Dress Like An Oblivious Rich Person!

• In case Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle blog, Goop, wasn't quite irritating enough, now she brings us a breakdown of how to get her look. Apparently Roger Vivier bangles help. And don't think that one Uniqlo skirt fools anyone, Gwynnie; we've been wise to those tricks since Lucky hit newsstands! [Racked]
• Fashionologie claims it's "always a treat" to hear Kate Moss talk. We respectfully disagree. Draw yout own conclusions from this video of her "designing." [Fashionologie]
• Here are La Moss's "10 Style Rules": one of them's "Make It Look Effortless." Another is, "When In Doubt, Buy Diamonds." Oh, okay! Maybe this is Gwyneth's secret? [The Guardian]
• Karl Lagerfeld is now a proper noun in Le Petit Larousse Illustré. He also designed the cover. [WWD]

The Karl Lagerfeld Teddy Bear: High Priced, Not Too Cuddly

• W on toy maker Steiff's limited edition, $1,500 Lagerfeld bear. "Naturally it looks just like him, from the impenetrable black sunglasses and high shirt collar to the skinny lacquered jeans. But, plush alpaca head aside, is the resemblance more than skin-deep? 'Bears are very nice, as long as you are nice to them,' mused Lagerfeld, as self-aware as he is iconic." [W]
• If you or someone you know is interested in (cough) modeling for American Apparel, they're having an open call. Dov Charney takes this sort of thing seriously; chances are you'll get to meet him one-on-one! [American Apparel]
• Petite gymnast Shawn Johnson loves her high heels. "But true to her coach’s orders, she’s stayed off them in the lead-up to the Olympics. With the competition behind her, she wore a pair of 3-inch silver peep-toes to Thursday’s event, occasionally flicking them off when she got tired. 'It’s actually the first time I’ve worn heels in, like, five months, so it feels a little weird,' she laughed. 'But I love heels. They make me feel a little more confident.'” [WWD]

Jessica Simpson Is "Alluring," "Romantic," "America's Sweetheart"

• Jessica Simpson's perfume is coming out. It's called "Fancy" and the following description doesn't even need to be parodied. '“Fancy is as alluring, feminine and romantic as Jessica Simpson herself. Her talent, charm and values have made her America’s sweetheart and have shown her to be the kind of person that women of all ages can admire,” Parlux chairman and CEO Neil Katz said in a statement.' Have at it, ladies! [Cosmetics News]
• Thakoon's new line is awesome. Which is good, because here's the part we really care about: they're doing a line for Target! [Glamour]
• Perhaps we underestimate Cavalli's influence? Kate Moss dropped from Grazia's best-dressed list. Maggie Gyllenhaal (yay!) is on it! [NY Mag]
• Wait. Victoria Beckham is showing at Fashion Week after all. "In the spirit of elitist designers like L'Wren Scott and Marchesa, Posh opted to show her frocks during New York Fashion Week to top editors and buyers by appointment only." Is this better or worse than a real show? [FabSugar]

Vivica A. Fox Puts Her "Useful Styling Skills" To Work

• Vivica A. Fox is going to be the host of a new VH1 series called Glam God, in which the actress, who is known for her amazing style (??), will be searching for the next celebrity stylist. I can’t wait to see another reality show winner do absolutely nothing while everyone else on the show tries to one up Jerry Springer factor. I hope there’s a really good gay man or at least someone with a weave to yank on. [ConcreteLoop]
• Getting Gay With Bags is Here! Marc Jacobs completes his special handbag for twink-blogger Bryanboy (the bag is called “the BB”) and Bryanboy gets really excited and…whips himself? [Gawker]
• Designer Claudia Escobar has made a luxury clothing line out of salmon skin. "Many people who lived near rivers and oceans have used fish throughout history. It's not my original idea," she says. [Reuters]
• Mischa Barton’s created a line of handbags, coming to London’s John Lewis, Debenhams and Fenwicks stores on July 2nd. Why not make handbags for the United States, Mischa? Is the dollar too weak, or is it that we just don't give a shit? [FabSugar]

Diane Von Furstenberg Goes A Little Loco On Behalf Of Marc Late-cobs

• Diane von Furstenberg on designer Marc Jacobs' we-think-idle threat to stop showing his precious dresses in New York: "It would be really horrible to lose him... I am ready to beg in front of his pavement." [WWD]
  
• Terry Richardson just shot Tom Ford for the cover of Out. It's boxing-themed because it'll shock the world! [Page Six]
  
• Ann Taylor: The Jeffersons of retail! Movin' on up, pricepoint-wise. (Because nothing says "expensive" like expensive!) And also to the East side, with a new space on New York's Madison Avenue. [WSJ]
  
• Oh, brother: in the neverending high-low war H&M looks like the new Forever21. Now the "copyright" is Chloe's, and the beef isn't even with actual clothes but with the H&M ad campaign, supposedly "virtually identical" to Chloe's own. [WWD, 2nd item]
  
• New York Fashion Week! It's finally over! Oh no: London Fashion Week. It's just beginning. [Vogue UK]

MTV Invests In Clothing Line Of Indentured Famous Person Lauren Conrad

• Shocking but true: MTV is investing in subversive style iconoclast Lauren Conrad's clothing line. What, Emily Weiss didn't tell her about "private equity"? We think this is a first for media behemoth Viacom and the apparel industry and we can only hope Toastie and Scott Baio's BFF are next, and that whoever owns Fuse will back Heidi and Spencer's line of American flag wear, and that no one in the country ever buys any of this shit. [Portfolio]
  
• Quote of the day:"I actually think our customer prefers it if she has to work a little for it. She knows she's not going to smell like everyone else," Jennifer Balbier, senior vice president of global product development, MAC Cosmetics, regarding limited edition fragrances. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Yogi/mogul (yogul?) Russell Simmons steps down as CEO of Phat Fashions so crazy Kimora can "get space" in which to self-destruct. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Derek Jeter's second fragrance comes out in December. It's called Driven Black. We think this sounds a little racist, but we're confused by that, because it would be a different story if it were called "Paint it Black" or "Smelling like a baseball player's cup is the new black" ... pondering. [WWD, sub req'd]

What A Dildo: Designer Tom Ford's Phallic Fragrance

• Will someone please explain to us what Tom Ford has against women? In addition to the image at left, the new ads for his Tom Ford for Men fragrance feature a fully-naked woman with an oversized bottle of the fragrance "wedged" between her thighs. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Speaking of fragrance, the latest Estee Lauder fragrance being shilled by Gwyneth Paltrow smells like marshmallows. If anything makes us gag more than Gwyneth, it's the idea of smelling like S'mores. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• More proof that the fashion industry sorta sucks: Ann Taylor's chief marketing officer has thrown in the towel. [WSJ]

A '90210' Hair Line! Why Didn't We Think Of That...15 Years Ago?

• Jennie Garth and Neve Campbell's hairdresser to shill line of hair care products in infomercials, natch. We think this sounds like an awesome idea... if it were 1992. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Nicole Miller has created a new lingerie line which she's naming "3rd Date" since, we guess, that on the 3rd date people who actually bother to buy designer lingerie sometimes let dudes see it? [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Big for winter: anything and everything with sparkles on it? [WWD, sub req'd]

Too Sexy for Ann Taylor