Perhaps you've seen the latest campaign, which features Dancing with the Stars contestant and Playboy model Joanna Krupa in angel wings that look like a palmier, and the words, "Be an angel for animals. Always adopt. Never buy." Obviously, she's also naked and holding a strategically-placed crucifix in front of her ladybits. For the animals, you see. In the other version, she's naturally holding a rosary.

The Catholic League, with its endless supply of free time, objects to the use of imagery - the nudity, one assumes, they're okay with. Krupa is shocked! Seemingly misunderstanding the objection and also making things much worse, the self-described "practicing Catholic" states, "It's understandable that the Catholic League is wary of another sex scandal, but the sex we're talking about pertains to dogs and cats." And, oh yeah, this was a statement, that she presumably read over first.

Joanna Krupa Vs. Catholics: Animal Rights, Not Blasphemy [E!]
Joanna Krupa And Peta Vs. The The Catholic League [EW]

The clip above gives a brief, quirky history of female matadors in Spain (even nuns did it!), and the old-timey pictures and costumes (and the fight against sexism) made the sport seem appealing to me. Then I watched the clip below, and it didn't seem as nearly enchanting anymore. NSFV (Not Safe For Vegans).

The Kennel Club has been under pressure to change its breed standards since a recent BBC documentary accused breeders of endangering dogs’ health in order to achieve prize-winning features, which, for bulldogs includes stubby legs, big shoulders, narrow hips, and upturned muzzles. Years of selective breeding have made it virtually impossible for an English Bulldog to give birth naturally, and their upturned muzzles have been blamed for respiratory problems. The new standards will apply to a total of 78 breeds, including the shar pei and the German shepherd. [CNN]

As Adam Liptak at the New York Times reported on Tuesday, at the time, although abusing animals in that fashion was and is obviously illegal (and immoral and unconscionable and straight-up disgusting), trafficking in the depictions of ritualized animal abuse for sexual purposes was not. So Congress, in the same way that it has seen fit to criminalize the trafficking in child pornography, made it illegal.

Which was all well and good, until some ever-so-slightly-less sick fuck named Robert Stevens was convicted under the same law for selling videos of dog fights.

In July, by a vote of 10 to 3, the United States Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit, in Philadelphia, reversed Mr. Stevens’s conviction and struck down the law, saying it violated the constitutional right to free speech.

Last month, the United States solicitor general asked the Supreme Court to hear the case. “Depictions of the intentional infliction of suffering on vulnerable creatures,” the brief said, “play no essential role in the expression of ideas.” The First Amendment, the brief went on, is therefore irrelevant to the case.

What the ruling has meant, in practical terms, is that some people no longer feel bound by the law which once all-but prevent people from trafficking in this:

“Much of the material featured women inflicting the torture with their bare feet or while wearing high-heeled shoes,” the report said. “In some video depictions, the woman’s voice can be heard talking to the animals in a kind of dominatrix patter. The cries and squeals of the animals, obviously in great pain, can also be heard in the videos.”

In fact, the Humane Society says these videos — which had nearly disappeared from the marketplace — have begun reappearing since the appeals court ruling.

But since July, [Jonathan R. Lovvorn, chief counsel of the Humane Society] said, crush videos have “popped back up on the Internet as a result of the Third Circuit’s ruling.”

Mr. Lovvorn provided a reporter with links to two examples, one involving a kitten, the other a puppy. May you never see them.

Jill Filipovich over at Feministe (a lawyer herself) has a look at the Constitutional issues at play and, despite her revulsion about the acts, thinks the law won't pass muster when it comes before the Supreme Court.

Animal cruelty is illegal for good reason. Videos of animal cruelty are disgusting. And I desperately want to think of a reason why outlawing these videos should pass constitutional muster.

But I can’t. I just hope that, regardless of the Supreme Court’s decision here, law enforcement starts cracking down on cruelty to animals — especially cruelty for profit, like dog-fighting. Congress also has the option of re-writing the law to target crush porn specifically; if they take other depictions of animal cruelty out of it and focus only on obscenity-related cruelty, I would guess that the law would have a better chance at standing.

Basically, the law has rarely, if ever, been used against the kitty-torture pornographers it was supposedly designed to go after and has almost always been to crack down on people distributing videos of dog fights: but, having been written so broadly could be used to prosecute videos of bull fights in Spain or documentaries of cruelty at slaughterhouses.

If the appeals ruling stands, Congress would be able to — in between fighting about Roland Burris, the stimulus package and health care reform — pass a small little feel-good bill that would re-criminalize trafficking in animal torture pornography. Anybody want to check and see if their Congress member wants to sponsor that bill?

Animal Cruelty Law Tests Free Speech [New York Times]
"Crush" Porn And Free Speech [Feministe]

The story is a bit sketchy: Prince Edward was out hunting pheasant with his pups, who, as good Labrador Retrievers will, began fighting over a dead pheasant that had hit the ground. The Prince apparently attempted to break up the fight with his walking stick: whether or not he actually hit the dogs, or just scared them off, is unknown. However, it's a bit unsettling that the best a Buckingham Palace spokesman can come up with is this: "It has not been determined that he did strike the dog. He broke up the fight with the dogs and pictures show him waving his stick around. We cannot confirm, however, whether he struck the dog." If the answer is really "No, I didn't hit the bloody dogs, you're being tricked by paparazzi photos," then why doesn't Prince Edward just say so and we'll all move on? I suppose only good news Buckingham Palace can give us is this: "Both dogs are fine – no harm was done to them."

Animal activists in Britain are lashing out against the Royal, with Barry Hugill, of League Against Cruel Sports calling Edward's behavior "a truly sickening example," and Andrew Tyler of Animal Aid noting, "We can't be certain that Edward's stick did make contact with the dog although he certainly appears to have acted impulsively without restraint." Both men also take swipes at the Prince for going hunting in the first place, and Tyler notes, "It is an offence to cause an animal unnecessary suffering. Hitting a dog is a pathetic, cowardly and vicious act — it would appear he has had a royal tantrum."

It is hard to take a real side here, as the photographs are inconclusive, though the lack of a definite denial from Buckingham Palace lends an incredibly shady side to this entire affair. One could argue that this article sets off a ton of smaller debates, however: the question of whether or not responsible hunting qualifies as animal cruelty, the idea that hurting some animals causes more outrage than hurting others (though in fairness, a picture of Queen Elizabeth wringing a pheasant's neck set off a storm a few years back, as well), and the notion of public judgment based on a series of paparazzi shots are all interesting pieces of this weird puzzle that I'm sure could use some breaking down in the comments.

Also, I think his punishment, should he be guilty, should be the requisite fines and jail time, along with a 72 hour non-stop screening of those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials. Sarah! I have a rescue dog and I donate. Stop breaking my heart every 8 seconds when I'm trying to watch cartoons! I don't know what else I can do! Sometimes I turn the channel because I can't stand it, and I'm not sure that's your point. But at least your message is clear, Sarah: too bad Buckingham Palace can't say the same.

Earl of Wessex In Gun Dog "Cruelty" Row[Telegraph]
Britain's Prince Edward Accused Of Beating Dog[Yahoo]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

P&G Announces Ban on Sex Toys [CNN]

Style Notes: The Marrying Kind [Style.com]