• Lindsay Lohan has returned from India!

While there, she visited the Sanlaap women's and children's shelter outside Calcutta. She spent about 3 hours with people there, and watched dance performances by the children. With her was a four-person camera crew from the BBC, and, at one point, Lindsay wore a bindi. Of course. [People]

• If you have $300, you can buy a "Marc Jacob" bag from LohanHouse.com, where Lindsay and her family are selling gently used clothes, shoes, hats, bags, and "collectables." [Page Six, Lohan House]
• Chris Brown is pissed that stores are not carrying his new CD, Graffiti. He wrote on his Twitter: "im tired of this shit. major stores r blackballing my cd. not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers. what the fuck do i gotta do... WTF... yeah i said it and i aint retracting shit. im not biting my tongue about shit else... the industry can kiss my ass." He said of a Walmart in Connecticut: "They didn't even have my album in the back… not on shelves, saw for myself. the manager told me that when there are new releases its mandatory to put em on the shelves.. BUT NO SIGN OF GRAFFITI." [MSNBC Scoop, Twitter, Page Six, Gatecrasher]
• Lily Allen may have smoked a cigarette during a concert last week; and if the Liverpool City Council can prove she was smoking, she and the venue could be fined. The council is asking "witnesse" to rat Lily out. [BBC News]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: "In love" and moving in together in the new year. As you may recall, their romance began on the set of Alfie; then Jude cheated on her with his children's nanny. Forgive but not forget? [The Sun]
• Playgirl has turned down alleged nude photos of Tiger Woods — apparently taken by Tiger himself. The magazine's spokesperson Daniel Nardicio says: "They were impossible to 100 percent verify, hence the unwillingness to go there." [People]
• Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, is not in Sweden, despite some reports. She is in the guest house, which, while large, is not another country. [TMZ]
• Consulting firm Accenture is the first corporate sponsor to officially drop Tiger Woods. [NY Post]
• Tiger Woods' wife will reportedly dump him after Christmas and is talking to a divorce lawyer. As for Tiger, he is seeing a therapist. Allegedly. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that Elin Nordegren wants a trial separation. but that Tiger Woods wants to take a cruise on his yacht with her and convince her to stay with him and have another baby. (?1?!) [NY Post]
• Here, Cori Rist, who hooked up with Tiger Woods, is called a "spectacular escort." [Rush & Molloy]
• According to this report: Tiger Woods and Rachel Uchitel are both in Palm Beach, Florida. But he's on his yacht; she's with her family. [TMZ]
• "Tiger Woods Cheated As Dad Died. Star Bedded Jamie Jungers As Father Lay Dying In Hospital." [Radar Online]
• Gerald Posner reports that Tiger Woods had a "separate team handle his trysts," and that Rachel Uchitel could be getting $5 million to stay quiet. [The Daily Beast]
• A source says Uma Thurman's ex-fiancé was too controlling: "It seemed like he always wanted to run the show… He wanted to bring in his own chef and his own security. He'd talk about redesigning her house in the city and knocking down buildings at her place upstate." [Rush & Molloy]
• Russell Brand was seen spotted shopping for diamonds at Cartier, fueling speculation he's going to ask Katy Perry to marry him. [Daily Mail]
• Is Prince William a "shadow King"? [NY Daily News]
• Jay-Z is well-loved by his Rocawear employees, whose Christmas gift to him was a video spoof of his hit single, "Empire State of Mind." [Page Six]
• Behold: Lady Gaga and Cyndi Lauper in the 2010 MAC Viva Glam ad campaign, shot by Ellen von Unwerth. [The Life Files]
• Susan Boyle says he life hasn't changed that much: "I have everything I had before – it's just a little more interesting now." She hasn't really splurged on too much: She bought "a red couch and some cushions." And, she says: "To anyone who has a dream I say follow that dream. You are never too old. It is never too late. And dreams can become a reality." [People]
• What do we think of Carey Hart's Day-of-the-Dead-style tattoo of Pink? [The Life Files]
• Guy Ritchie is thinking of opening a branch of his London pub, the Punch Bowl, in New York. [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Grizz from 30 Rock is suffering from severe hypertension and has to be on a dialysis machine three times a week. He's on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, but need to lose 75 pounds before he's considered a viable candidate. And the wait is 5 years. He talks about all this on Dr. Oz's show on Tuesday. [NY Daily News]
• The Los Angeles Film Critics Association and the Boston Society of Film Critics agree: Mo'Nique's performance in Precious and Kathryn Bigelow's The Hurt Locker were some of the best moments in film this year. [People]
• Lots of Kerry Washington's favorite places in New York are food-related. [NY Post]
• Candy Spelling, a panelist on E!'s new series, Bank of Hollywood — produced by Ryan Seacrest — says: "I don't have to work. I'm not putting up my own money! We all contributed our salaries, but I wasn't going to pay [the contestants] to be on TV… I love giving of my time and money — I'm very charitable and sit on three nonprofit boards and two city boards as commissioner — but… then I would just be donating money and leaving it up to the contestants as to how it's spent. We all felt a strong responsibility about how they would spend the money." Yeah, I don't know either, but it sounds snotty. [NY Post]
• Sarah Ferguson, ex-Duchess Of York, says she's going to start a historical novel, starring an aristocratic redhead and set in the eighteenth century, "sort of like Pride and Prejudice meets 24. It's actually me putting myself in the eighteenth century… I can just imagine how it would be, and I have such fun!" [New York Magazine]
• Groan: Spencer Pratt now owns a music company, King Spencer Music. Be afraid. [TMZ]
• Entourage's Kevin Connolly says he thinks Rex Lee didn't really mean it when he said he was made fun of on the set because of his ethnicity and sexuality. Pardon? [TMZ]
• At the link, an obituary for Natasha Richardson by Ralph Fiennes. [Guardian]
• Add Kid Rock and Dave Grohl to the list of musicians suing bars for playing unlicensed music. [TMZ]
• LOL: 21-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova is calling ex-boyfriend, 65-year-old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, an "evil goblin." [Telegraph]
• CSI Miami's Jonathan Togo was arrested Friday for allegedly getting violent in a fight with his girlfriend; he was booked for felony domestic violence. [TMZ]
• A year after being rejected on TV, Bachelor contestant Melissa Rycroft got married. But not to a guy from TV. [Us Magazine]
• "Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood Celebrate Anniversary at McDonald's." [People]
• The Princess And The Frog was number one at the box office with a modest $25 million. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Bentley Meeker is a celebrity lighting guru and you are not. [Page Six]
• "I don't want to talk about him, except that I like him… I think everyone needs an adventure buddy." — Holly Madison on Benji Madden. [People]
• "Whenever anybody say they are going to give me some kind of award, I'm always a little stupefied by the notion. The first thing I say is 'why?' I just go to work like anyone else, except my job happens to be a little stranger." — Johnny Depp, when receiving a career achievement award at the Bahamas International Film Festival. [AP]
• "It makes certain cities impossible to live in. Like Sydney, it makes it impossible for us to live there… We certainly don't get that treatment in Tennessee. But it goes with the territory. It's just, we have to be careful, just to maintain some sort of semblance of a normal life for our child." — Nicole Kidman says attention from photographers is the reason she won't live in Sydney. [News.com.au]
• "I don't have a personal vendetta against Nicole Kidman… These are Machiavellian games that are being played and they are just not right. If she doesn't want to be photographed she should change her profession and become a butcher." — Paparazzo Jamie Fawcett, whom Nicole Kidman has requested a restraining order against and also took to court for placing a listening bug outside her home and following her in his car. [News.com.au]
• "Breaking up the band was a mistake because I think it broke trust with the audience. You had an audience that was very invested in that idea - whether they were invested in the people or the idea or the songs, I don't know. Like a relationship that you break off from and then try to pick back up, it's never quite the same. It doesn't mean it can't be as good, but it has to be different. That beautiful original feeling got lost in the interim of being away. If we had said, 'We just went away for seven years,' it would have been similar, but somehow breaking up, there's a violence to it." — Billy Corgan, on the Smashing Pumpkins. [WENN via Spinner]
• "If I didn't act, I'd be a nutcase. Some people have to do it. They have a lot of emotion they have to get out." — Rachel Weisz, who's in The Lovely Bones. [News.com.au]
• "My body is falling apart. The only way that I could do it is if I played a character who gets shot in the left leg and the right shoulder in the opening scene." — Kenny Rogers says he is too "decrepit" to be in Christmas In Canaan, the movie based on the book he wrote. [Daily Express]
• "Sometimes when I watch the show back I think we've gone too far because I see the pre-story beforehand, I can then see the audition from their perspective and there are times where I think I could have handled that better or I was in a bad mood and I was too rude. At the same time... no-one is sort of dragged kicking and screaming onto the audition set." — Simon Cowell. [BBC News]
• "A journalist went up to my  husband once and said 'did you know that dating anyone more than three years younger than you is considered pedophilia?' [Peter shot back] 'Really? My wife is seven years younger.'" — Maggie Gyllenhaal. [Gatecrasher]
• "Angry African-American women, you know, thought that it would be the image that people would associate with them. Virginiaca is definitely art imitating life, but I understand where they're coming from, and I don't have to project that onto mainstream America. What's funny is funny. This place is well known for getting angry letters — Lorne keeps 50 of them outside his office. It keeps you grounded in the fact that in late-night comedy, you're going to have to burn somebody." — Kenan Thompson. [New York Magazine]
• "I say 'Be Italian' many times in the song, but it was important to me that every time I say it, it have a different meaning, because there are so many different things about being Italian. There's love of life and food and sex and drink. There's love of dancing, love of singing. So it was putting all that into it." — Fergie, on her song in Nine. [NY Post]
• "The negative stuff is crazy and the positive stuff is crazy… I actually see all the discussion and controversy and, you know, 'Is it Smurfs and Dances With Wolves in space?' and all this crap, as good. It fuels interest. All those people that go online and repeatedly dismiss the movie day after day, I know they're going to be there watching it." — James Cameron on Avatar. [NY Post]
• "I think every little girl should be able to feel themselves the princess. I think every little girl is worthy of having a princely young man, and vice versa. It's really thrilling that Zahara will never have a moment where she didn't see herself in that light. She's Ethiopian. She comes from kings and queens. She should certainly know herself as a princess." — The Princess And The Frog's Anika Noni Rose, responding to Angelina Jolie's claim that she's ecstatic that daughter Zahara has a role model. [Ok!]
• "I'm working out again. I'm going to make the sequel to 300. My pecs will be glistening. I'll have a codpiece. I'm going to blow your mind." — Alec Baldwin. [Rush & Molloy]

• 'Sup Twihards? This column alleges Robert Pattinson is a "hot property" thanks to New Moon's record-breaking box office this weekend…

The flick sold more tix on opening day than The Dark Knight did last year. Personally, I don't think the Sparkle Vamp did it all alone: The story, KStew, and the Buff Werewolf deserve part of the blame credit. [Daily Mail]

• Fans pretended they were guests of the Bowery Hotel so they could catch a glimpse of Robert Pattinson drinking in the hotel bar. [Gatecrasher]
• Despite being painfully tedious, New Moon earned $140.7 million during its first three days of release in the US and Canada, and is now third behind The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 2 in terms of record opening weekends. [Reuters]
• Sandra Bullock had a big weekend as well: The Blind Side made about $34.5 million, the best opening of her career — just over The Proposal's $33.6 million weekend. [ONTD via Entertainment Weekly]
• Last night at the AMAs, Michael Jackson won four, but Taylor Swift walked away with six, including artists of the year. [USA Today]
• This piece claims that Miley Cyrus' '80s-themed 17th birthday bash was a surprise party, but didn't we hear that she wore a Pretty Woman ensemble? She must have been tipped off. [People]
• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse proposed to Blake Fielder Civil? And he said yes? Blaaaaake allegedly told a source: "We've been talking on the phone five or six times a day. On Friday she told me she was going to put the engagement ring [I gave her the first time around] on. We'd changed our status to married on Facebook a couple of weeks back but that was more of a laugh. This is the real deal. She told me she wanted to get married again. I feel so happy." [News Of The World]
• Lindsay Lohan allegedly wanted to pick up a bunch of stuff from trendy LA store Kitson — without paying. A source says it's ridiculous, especially since the store carries her 6126 leggings line: "We're actually really offended. The tables have turned and now we're the customer. We spent $50,000 on her leggings line, but she hasn't come to the store in three years, and she didn't even do a personal appearance. She should have brought cookies for the staff to thank them for selling her leggings because she does nothing. We don't know if we'll continue to carry them." [Daily Express]
• Britney Spears invited several girls from a children's hospital backstage before a show in Sydney, Australia. A nice gesture, and also an attempt to get the lip-sync stories out of the news? [Radar Online]
• Seven bulls being used in the Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz movie Knight & Day (previously titled Wichita) escaped and ran through the streets of Cadiz, Spain. Two people were hurt as the bulls headed for the beach. [EW]
• Nicole Kidman, Kate Hudson, Pierce Brosnan and Neil Patrick Harris attended the 2009 CNN Heroes Awards, honoring people who make a difference in the lives of others. [NY Daily News]
• If you watch Jude Law do yoga on the balcony of his apartment, he will throw oranges at you. You've been warned. [Just Jared]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: Back on? They were spotted out at a club doing shots, holding hands, acting cozy, etc. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Jude Law and Colin Farrell better as supporting actors? [NY Mag]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin had an all-day mediation hearing in Pennsylvania on Saturday, and Jon "didn't dispute Kate having primary custody of the kids," according to a source. Jon showed up with a bouquet of roses, which Kate refused to take: "In what should have been their most serious moment as a couple," says the source, "Jon again resorted to a publicity stunt." [People, Us]
• Heidi Klum's request to become Heidi Samuel: Approved. [NY Daily News]
• Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson celebrated Bronx Mowgli's first birthday with a bouncehouse, a cake and someone dressed as SpongeBob. And, presumably: Flatirons; eyeliner. [People]
• LOL: "Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe defended by Draco Malfoy in cannabis row." [Telegraph]
• Eyeroll: Lauren Conrad has a style book coming out next fall. [NY Daily News]
• The Discovery Channel is psyched to be partnering with Oprah in her attempts to create OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. [UPI]
• At the link, quotes from Ellen DeGeneres, Gayle King and Martha Stewart about Oprah and her decision to end her show; Gayle says: "Oprah always makes the best decision for herself… And I have a feeling she will come up with some things to do. We don't need to worry about her filling her time, I promise you that." [NY Daily News]
• Robin Thicke and wife Paula Patton are expecting their first child in May and have already picked names: "We like Julian if it's a boy and Isabella if it's a girl," he says. Personally I think it's weird (possibly unlucky) to name so early… and to tell People. Thoughts? [People]
• Meg Ryan and Nip/Tuck's Julian McMahon? Going on dates? He's Australian, like Russell Crowe, with whom Meg allegedly had an affair, thus ending her marriage to Dennis Quaid. Oh, and McMahon maybe has a girlfriend. [News.com.au]
• Investigators found a receipt showing that Dr. Conrad Murray purchased propofol on May 12 and administered doses from that batch to Michael Jackson in the hours before his death on June 25. [NY Post]
• Gwen Stefani and Jon Bon Jovi are suing ally's Saloon and Eatery in Minneapolis, Minnesota for playing their songs without the proper music license. (?!?!) [Daily Express]
• U2 will headline the Glastonbury festival on Friday night. [The Sun]
• Aerosmith is not looking for a new lead singer, despite reports to the contrary. [UPI]
• Levi Johnston's mom: Going to jail on an intent to distribute OxyContin charge. [NY Post]
• This column asks if Leona Lewis will have Titanic-style success with her theme song for James Cameron's Avatar, but I doubt the movie will enjoy Titanic-style adoration. [LA Times]
• Robbie Williams is looking for investors, if you have $83 mil. [Reuters]
• Creed's Scott Stapp tells Spin magazine there's no actual sex in his 1999 sex tape. You know, the one where he and Kid Rock were on a bus with groupies and received oral sex? [Page Six]
• Jenna Ushkowitz, aka "Goth girl Tina Cohen-Chang" on Glee, says the whole cast is close: "It's disgusting how much we all really love each other." [NY Post]
• Major eyeroll: Carrie Prejean's brother says, "I'm all the way against gay marriage. I don't feel that it's right that a man and a man should raise a kid." [Radar Online]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Personal girlcrush Monica Bellucci is three months pregnant. (Her husband, Vincent Cassel, is easy on the eyes as well.) [ONTD via MediaFax]
• Rachael Ray gave Diddy a diamond cuff for his birthday. [Page Six]
• Q. You're 45 and dating very attractive 26-year-old Hollywood actress Amber Tamblyn. Do you give hope to baldies everywhere?
  A: "If you want to use me as an example, sure. But I think it would be a false hope. It's certainly not my looks that are reeling in the ladies. It's more about my completely average-sized cock. — David Cross. [Guardian]
• "British TV personality David Frost will be honored at the 37th Annual International Emmy Awards for a wide-ranging career that has taken him from pioneering political satire on television to conducting serious interviews with former President Richard Nixon and other newsmakers." [NY Times]
• Skater Tai Babilonia will wear skates, a tiny flesh-coloredthing and a sign across her chest while gliding through Rockefeller Center's ice rink for PETA's "Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign. [Page Six]
• "A Canadian man has admitted shoving Noel Gallagher at an Oasis concert in Toronto in September 2008, claiming he was drunk at the time." [Guardian]
• Whatshername quit I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. [Daily Mail]
• "Fuck them, what else can I say? Why doesn't that little bitch that wrote that try and write a song — which they wont be able to do and that's why they're sitting behind their little computer, eating their little chips and writing that hateful shit — why don't they write their own song and see what they can come up with?" — Michael Bublé, on a journalist who described his music as being as "cheesy as a quesadilla." [News.com.au]
• "People always compliment me on my performance in the movie, but I cannot take credit for it at all because I truly had no idea what the film was about." — Christina Ricci on The Ice Storm. [Gatecrasher]
• "Age is no issue to me. Fifty is the new 30. Seventy is the new 50. There are no rules that say you have to dress a certain way, or be a certain way. We are living in exciting times for women. Keep up with fashion, keep up with your figure and the clothes you wear. If you look good and you can still do it, then go and do it. I have never worried about age. I am vain. When I look in the mirror, I want to look good to myself. I'm kind of OK with how I'm ageing." — Tina Turner. [Daily Express]
• "We've seen female pop and rock performers do that for the last 10 years. They've been very provocative, owning their power and sexuality. You just don't see men doing it very often. And I'm hoping to break down that double standard with this number." — Adam Lambert on his performance in which "he thrusts a leather-clad male backup dancer's face toward his crotch, and later flashes a knowing smile as he strokes the same dancer's cheek after plowing through a door that swings both ways." [AP]
• "Obama's best material during the campaign was cherry-picked from the things Kucinich had been talking about for a long time. And Kucinich continues to be really the people's congressman. He is the one with the most conscience regarding health care, the banking issue, the bailout. He's the guy who said we should not go into Iraq, and was called a traitor for it. He was a guy who said, 'This Patriot Act is not a good thing, we should not vote for it.' Even people in his own party were saying, 'Why do you say that?' And he says, 'Because I read it,' and there was silence. 'Cause none of them had read it. They just voted yes because they were told to. Same with health care stuff." — Viggo Mortensen. [Mother Jones]
• "I had a girl faint on me. And then the criers. And then the cougars-the Twi-Moms-always come after us. That's been very surreal, because we've had phone numbers slipped in our back pockets. It's like we're The Beatles." — Chaske Spencer, aka New Moon's wolf pack leader Sam Uley. [EW]
• "During World War II, when money was tight, everything was rationed and the most basic commodities impossible to find, women went out of their way to look as attractive as possible… They always wore red lipstick and would melt remnants into tiny containers so as not to waste any, then use a brush to apply it with great care.… here we are in the middle of yet another great recession, depression, slump - whatever our politicians care to call it - and money is tighter than an 18th-century corset. Women still need to cheer themselves up, so what better way to do it than to decorate their faces? I believe that 90 per cent of women can look prettier, healthier and happier in red lipstick, the only disadvantage being that it can leave its mark on a friend's cheek… What better way to face the world than with a perfect face, great hair and good nails? And for those critics who pooh-pooh this idea, let me say to them: just try it. It works - I know it does." — from a column written by Joan Collins. [Daily Mail]
• "I am really in love. I am really happy. Chivalry, opening doors for a woman. It is a big thing. My boyfriend still takes me out for dinner every week. He won't tell me where we are going. He puts on a suit and just takes me out and treats me like a lady." — Lily Allen. [Daily Mail]
• "As an English actress, you have to don a bonnet at some point. This was my time. There was a tsunami of women behind me wanting the role, so I sort of bullied myself in. Many period films are very arch and stiff, and I don't respond to the characters. If I see 'the rebellious English rose' in stage directions, I'm already bored. But this was a girl who was willing to expose herself to the world. That was what was different for me." — Emily Blunt. [NY Mag]
• "I mean, 75 years. That's a long time. [The black experience] is a major part of the story of America. And Disney is excited about telling it. I'm deeply honored to be involved. On the flip side of that, it's not a black movie. It's a movie that has a young black woman as the title character, but it's a story for everyone. I think that anybody can look at this movie and say, 'I remember when I was yearning for something and it was so difficult and I had to work so hard.' That's the beautiful thing about it - it's so inclusive." — Anika Noni Rose on The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "There are certain expressions lifted right off of my face… When she's smiling, she lights up the screen. She has my nose. There's a certain scene toward the end where she has a change in hairdo, in a fantasy sequence, where she looks dead-on." — Anika Noni Rose on Tiana in The Princess And The Frog. [NY Daily News]
• "Pam is due to have her baby in February. I don't know what it is. It's going to be a surprise. There have been a lot of discussions about it but no decision has been made yet. So it's really like a real pregnancy. I think we're going to find out when they write it. What I'm having. It should be really interesting… I don't know if it's that she has chosen not to, but they've chosen not to reveal it. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's always referring to her baby as, like, in things that are not gender-specific." — Jenna Fischer, aka Pam on The Office. [Pop Eater]

Ben Whishaw plays Keats. Yes. Verily. And yeah, I rejected working in Keats quotations in every caption. I accept your thanks from afar.


Abbie Cornish looks stunning. And I hope she appreciates the fact that I once wrote a really mediocre paper in college defending Fanny Brawne against the interpretation of some long-dead literary critic. I'm guessing she doesn't though.


Jennifer Missoni wears peacock. Not in the top hat-goggles-frosted-tips-Mystery sense.


Sofia Coppola demonstrates a look I like to call "Miami Frump" which is much easier to pull off when one is Marc Jacobs' muse.


Well. Damien Fahey and Grasie Mercedes look remarkably pleased with themselves for two people who are about to sit through a bodice-ripper about a poet with TB.


Lynn Collins' skirt reminds me of the awesome ballad "Raggle Taggle Gypsies," which is the only silver lining here. That song, by the way, is allegedly based upon the real story of Lady Jane Hamilton, wife of John Kennedy, 6th Earl of Cassilis, who ran off with an outlaw, and was imprisoned as a result.


Jessica Chastain makes a strong case for the enduring appeal of the LBD.


Roberta Armani, meanwhile, looks exactly as you'd expect one who bears that name to look.


Anika Noni Rose's top has apparently caught on a nail and the bottom half has unraveled. Bummer. I hate it when that happens.


If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Fran Drescher is benefiting from this maxim right now.


Doesn't Jane Campion look exactly as you'd imagine? Okay, maybe I didn't imagine the peace sign. But I can work with it.

[Images via Getty]

Although the New Orleans Jazz Age and bayous make a gorgeous backdrop for this story, some of the elements in this (admittedly short) new trailer made me knit my brow. Of course, these snippets of scenes are taken out of context, and no one is expecting the film to be perfect. But after years and years of Euro-centric stories, this American tale should be told properly — without being offensive.

Here's what's troubling:

• The witch doctor's "curse" seems to involve some kind of African-esque masks; because African people are spooky and scary and have magical powers! Or at least, that's what we want young, impressionable children to think.
• "Women like a man with a big back porch," says the firefly, slapping his ass. Cut to: The Prince's butt, growing huge, and a white lady screaming.
• As previously mentioned, it seems like the "princess" spends most of her time on screen not as a black girl, but as a frog.
• Does Mama Odie, the "good" voodoo lady and the fairy godmother-ish character, look a little Mammy-ish? I mean, she could have been tall and willowy, or hunched and crone-y, or lots of different body types. Just saying.
• I've said it before and I'll say it again: That toothless firefly is bothersome. Someone needs to get him some low-cost dental care, ASAP.

The good news is that the Princess seems smart, bold and fun — and the doll is sure to be a big seller at Christmastime, giving little black girls who wish upon a star a shot at believing dreams come true.

Here's A New PRINCESS AND THE FROG Trailer!! Hand Drawn Animation Still Looks Nice... [Ain't It Cool]
Earlier: An Early Look At Characters From Disney's Black Princess Movie
Why Has It Taken So Long For Disney To Create A Black Princess?
Why Is Disney's First Black Princess Such A Challenge?

• Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston have split after less than a year together. A source says the breakup was a result of Miley's traveling, and not Nick Jonas, although he and Miley "have been spending time together." [Us]

• Adam Lambert's debut album is set to drop in the fall. He says, "It's going to be ridiculous! Get Ready!!!" [People]
• And Lambert's "official coming out cover of Rolling Stone" apparently includes a disturbingly-placed snake. [Perez Hilton]
• Megan Fox is in favor of legalizing marijuana. If it ever happened, she says, she'd be the "first person in line to buy a pack of joints." [TMZ]
• In what is perhaps the most superficial news item ever, Heidi Montag Pratt is starting a dry shampoo line inspired by her hair care experiences on I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!. [Life & Style]
• Also, Heidi and Spencer have left the show for real this time. Hollywood publicist Michael Levine says, "the audience is also ridiculous for partnering in their absurdity." Well, yeah. [ABC]
• Adam Ant credits his comeback from "his deranged and bloated appearance" seven years ago to regular exercise and his girlfriend Clare, who makes sure he eats "only the finest healthy food." [Daily Mail]
• DJ Jazzy Jeff "stormed off the stage" at Kansas City venue Power & Light District, and later said managers stopped the show "for playin' hip hop." The managers say they just wanted him to turn the music down. [Breitbart]
• Okay, so maybe Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore didn't invite Susan Boyle to sing at their anniversary. [Telegraph]
• On September 9, Natalie Cole will give her first concert after her kidney transplant and her sister's death. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• David Carradine's ex-wife says he once suspended himself from a rope in a crucifixion position while she was giving a party. When she asked him what he was doing, he said, "I really would like a sandwich." [TMZ]
• The Thai police say the FBI can get involved in investigating Carradine's death, but only in an "observer role." [TMZ]
• And photos of Carradine's body show that the rope around his neck was knotted in the front, making it more likely his death was an accident. Apparently people who practice bondage frequently knot ropes in the front for easier release. [TMZ]
• Thirty-four-year-old Enrique Iglesias says he's not yet "mature" enough to father Anna Kournikova's children. [TMZ]
• A new play about Kurt Cobain is running in London, but will it be as good as Christopher Walken's play about Elvis? [Independent]
• Bret Michaels broke his nose and split his lip when he was hit by a falling sign at the Tony Awards, but he was apparently really nice about it. [People]
• Emeril Lagasse helped Jon and Kate Gosselin prepare a meal for their 100th episode. The menu included green bean casserole, chili macaroni, and, oddly, granola. [People]
• A Toni Braxton impersonator accused of telling a Suriname audience she was the real Toni Braxton has been acquitted. WTF. [AP, via Yahoo News]
• Mike Tyson has married his girlfriend after the death of their daughter Exodus. [Radar Online]
• Shanna Moakler surprisingly took the high road in response to Travis Barker's defamatory tweets. She had her reps tell OK!, "Shanna is not going to play out her personal relationships in the media." Her relationship to Carrie Prejean's breasts is another story.[Perez Hilton]
• Depeche Mode has resumed its tour after singer Dave Gahan's cancer surgery. [NYT]
• In potentially disturbing news for St. Lucia's youth, Amy Winehouse has pledged to help them. [Mirror]
• OK! is taking Emma Watson's statement that "there's something going on" between Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart as proof that they are together. [OK!]
• But Watson's publicist says the statement is made up! [Perez Hilton]
• Some sources say Leonardo Dicaprio and Bar Rafaeli have broken up. [People]
• Others say they are still together, but "miserable-looking." [TMZ]
• Paris Hilton loves Doug Reinhardt, but not Kim Kardashian — according to Doug Reinhardt. [E! Online]
• Anika Noni Rose says Jennifer Hudson will be a great mom. "It's been a harrowing year for her and I hope that she finds comfort, joy and support and that she can move forward with her new baby," Rose adds. [People]
• Prince reportedly needs two hip replacements, but refuses because, as a Jehovah's Witness, he can't get a blood transfusion. [Showbiz411.com]
• A tabloid reporter slyly questions whether Brooke Shields's mom really has dementia, then says he and Teri Shields were great friends and that "most of our wonderful afternoons together never resulted in a story." What a saint. [National Enquirer]
• Terrence Howard says the Obamas should go to Prague on one of their date nights, because it is "an untapped resource of love and romance," while Paris is "overused." Russell Simmons thinks they should go to a yoga studio. [Politico]
• "I went to see Andrea Bocelli last night. The first time I've been out in months. The Hollywood Bowl allowed me to use my wheelchair." — Elizabeth Taylor, via Twitter [CNN]
• "I think I'm either naive or insane to play her - maybe a little bit of both!" — Anne Hathaway, on playing Judy Garland in an upcoming biopic [Daily Express]
• "I have a body that girls can look at and go, Oh she's not anorexically skinny. She looks healthy and she's got cellulite, yeah!" — Hayden Panettiere [E! Online]
• "(These shows) are a reflection of our society. You hear kids saying that they want to be famous, and when you ask them what for, they don't know - they just want to be famous. It's like there is this lack of passion in the doing of something that that might bring you riches. When I was little, I never said I wanted to be famous, I said I wanted to be a musician." — Lenny Kravitz, on reality shows [Daily Express]
• "He violated me. I never told anybody. I just buried it as deeply as I could and kept people at an arms length. I never really let a person get too close to me. I could have been married years ago, but I had a commitment issue." — Queen Latifah, speaking out for the first time about her childhood sexual abuse [The Sun]
• "Just know that this too shall pass.… Next week, it will be someone else on the cover [of magazines] and you can go about your life." — the sage Tori Spelling, advising Jon and Kate Gosselin on their notoriety [LA Times]

The new series, which premieres on Sunday night on HBO, is about Precious Ramotswe, a 35-year-old divorcee played by Grammy winner Jill Scott. After her father dies, leaving her 180 cows and making her a wealthy woman, Precious decides to move from her rural town to Gaborone, the capital city of Botswana, and set up the nation's only female-run detective agency (thus making it "No.1").

The series is based on a popular series of books of the same name by Alexander McCall Smith, who set out to write "a book about a cheerful woman of traditional build." In an interview with Reuters, Smith explained that his books (and the new series) focus on the positive aspects of Africa, rather than the conflicts and crisis on the continent.

"Many outside writers, when writing about African countries concentrate on the bleak, and on what's wrong," said Alexander McCall Smith.

"Obviously, there are problems in many of these sub-Saharan African countries, but there are positive aspects and this series celebrates that," he said.

Some people have criticized the series, saying the sunny portrait of Africa is unrealistic, but Botswana (where the series was shot) is actually one of the most prosperous countries on the continent, and Smith says he didn't want to focus solely on the negative because:

"That's actually treating African countries as being something quite different, mythologized in a sense, made abnormal. Which actually really is, I think, wrong."

The show doesn't focus mainly on solving crimes, but on the lives of Precious and her friends, Grace (Anika Noni Rose), her straight-laced secretary, BK (Desmond Dube), the gay hairdresser whose salon is next door to the agency; and JLB (Lucian Msamati), a lovable mechanic who develops a crush on Precious.

So far, the show has received mostly positive reviews. Ginia Bellafante of the The New York Times writes that the show's feminist theme is interesting, especially in light of HBO's biggest female-focused hit:

[Precious] has longed for the independence of city life, but she loves her printed caftans and bush tea (the equivalent of coffee in a Greek cup on "Law & Order"), contentedly resisting the newly cosmopolitan pressures to remodel her body closer to a Western dictate.

The tension between tradition and modernity is rendered as broad subject and passing detail: in an early scene three young women right out of "Sex and the City: Manolos Below the Sahara" walk by the newly opened No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency to ask how a woman could be a detective, and how anyone at all might go undercover who is "the size of a small elephant."

Even if for some reason you're not sold on discussions of women's issues amid beautiful shots of Africa, Jill Scott's peformance makes the show worth checking out, according to the L.A. Times:

Even before we see her on-screen, Scott, a three-time Grammy winner, is a revelation; her summer-glazed creamy tones are the reason the voice-over was invented. Precious slowly tells of her loving father and his insistence that she learn everything a boy would, and soon we learn that, as a child, she solved a village argument over the ownership of a cow. Then somewhere amid the rising white dust and glimmering insects, it becomes clear that this show will restore the premium cable network to its former stature as the most surprising place on television.

No. 1 Lady Detective Series Focuses Cheery Africa [Reuters]
No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency [The New York Times]
'The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency' on HBO [The Los Angeles Times]

The movie, which is due around Christmas this year, is set in the "jazz age" in New Orleans. Oprah is the voice of Tiana's mother. Anika Noni Rose says of Tiana: "Not only is she the first black princess, she's the first American princess. We've never had an American princess. So, the scope and the significance is larger than people even realize." Uh, Pocahontas was American, though, right?

In any case: Looking at this timeline of "Disney's multicultural royalty," something seems off. The "Princess" movies started in 1937 with Snow White, and the first non-white princess was Jasmine, in 1992. Then Pocahontas in 1995 and Mulan in 1998. More than ten years later, Princess Tiana, of The Princess And The Frog. Why did Disney have a Middle Eastern princess before a black princess? Or an Asian princess before a black princess? Sure, the Disney films tap into fairy tales, folklore and myths — most of which come from European sources — but there are plenty of myths and fables involving black people. American stories, tales from Nigeria, Egypt and South African/Zulu folk tales. Yoruba goddesses of love, Caribbean legends. Why has taken Disney 72 years to come up with a black princess? And will this movie — especially the toothless firefly character — insult, or uplift?



Disney Reveals New 'Princess & The Frog' Toy [Concrete Loop]
Meet Anika Noni Rose: Disney's First Black Princess [People]
Earlier: Why Is Disney's First Black Princess Such A Challenge?
The Princess And The Frog

The Good:
With little daughter Tallulah on his arm, Bruce Willis' actual date Emma Hemming is totally forgettable.
Irina Pantaeva has still got it.
Good for Russell Simmons: The hat is nice and Porschia Coleman seems a lot less heinous than Kimora.

The Bad:
Why is Anika Noni Rose not dressed for the red carpet?
Now surely Andre Leon Talley can do better than this. Did he have American Apparel make their gross pleather leggings into a coat for him?
Send in some queer eyes to get Carson Kressley a better fitting suit and some blotting papers, stat.
Is Donna Karan preparing for an apocalypse that renders her an evil Lawrence of Arabia?
As a major Debbie Harry fan, this hurts me to say, but these yellow plaid pants (are they flannel?!) make my heart cry a thousand times.
Glenda Bailey has clearly forgotten that a high-neck velvet dress is just one step above wearing an ugly Christmas sweater without irony.
Christian Siriano in yet another vest-and-skinny-black-pants look? He needs a new outfit.
Socialite Olivia Palermo's dress is just trying too hard.

The Ugly:
Arden Wohl's outfit is so bad it is clearly exhausted her with its ugliness.

[Images via Getty.]