According to U.S. News & World Report, two new studies show that people associate anger with male faces and happiness with female ones. When subjects were shown androgynous faces that looked angry, they were more likely to identify them as male. But if the faces looked happy or fearful, people were more likely to label them as female. And in another experiment, subjects were slower to identify faces as female if the faces looked pissed off. Says psychologist Ursula Hess, "The present research shows that the association between anger and men and happiness and women is so strong that it can influence the decisions about the gender of another person when that person is viewed briefly."

In another study, researchers gave women testosterone pills and studied how they played a cooperation-based game. The game involved giving one woman $10 and instructing her to choose an amount to offer her partner. If the partner turned down the offer, neither got money. Women who received testosterone were no less generous than their peers — unless they were told they'd gotten the hormone. Those who knew they'd gotten testosterone "stood out with their conspicuously unfair offers," wrote the study authors. Lead author Ernst Fehr says that when asked about how they thought testosterone would affect them, the subjects said things like, "Oh, testosterone would make me more egotistic, more risk-taking and more aggressive." In other words, they thought testosterone would make them drive a harder bargain, and so they did just that, even though the testosterone alone might have had no effect.

What's interesting about these studies is that they show how deeply ingrained our perceptions of masculinity and femininity are — and, in the case of the bargaining study, how these perceptions may be even stronger than reality. Are women actually happier than men? Are men more angry? Probably not — but we may be socialized to express these emotions more freely, with the result that they become associated with gender. The result looks a lot like a feedback loop: girls are told it's not feminine to get mad, so they avoid making mad faces, and so people begin to think that anger is for men, and the cycle begins all over again. Similarly, if women learn that aggression is "male," they may not behave aggressively (except when hopped up on testosterone), further reinforcing this stereotype. The finding that this stereotype outstrips the actual effects of testosterone underscores the fact that gender differences are problematic, and that we shouldn't be too quick to assume that any difference in behavior has a biological basis. As Michael Naef, co-author of the testosterone study, says, "In a society where qualities and manners of behavior are increasingly traced to biological causes...this should make us sit up and take notice."

Are Angry Women More Like Men? [U.S. News & World Report]
Women On Testosterone Only Think They're Macho [New Scientist]
Testosterone "Prompts Fair Play, Not Aggression" [Reuters]

Bob's anger problems do sound pretty disturbing. Barnes describes him flipping off old women, beating sprinklers into submission, and, in one outburst, shattering their breakfast table, grabbing her by the arms, and asking, "Why are you making me do this?" Finally, with therapy, Bob learned to control his temper. But when a friend asks Barnes what "flaw" she would choose if her marriage had to have one, she says, "Anything but wrath."

It's an interesting commentary on what we can and can't accept in relationships. Even though Barnes has learned to deal with her husband's temper, she still thinks of "wrath" as the worst thing that can enter a marriage. Many people who watched their parents fight a lot, or who have been contentious relationships in the past, similarly think of anger as relationship-kryptonite, and some seek out calm partners as a result. But for others, early experiences of conflict seemed to normalize it — and some even miss it when it's gone.

It's important here to distinguish between anger and abuse, a line Bob's behavior seems to walk. People who were abused as children sometimes become abusive themselves, or enter a pattern of abusive relationships, and this is obviously unhealthy. But there's a certain amount of garden-variety yelling in every relationship, and people's appetite and tolerance for it varies widely. I've only really yelled at a boyfriend once — because he criticized my parking — but a friend of mine doesn't feel she's truly close to a partner until they can have a good fight. Whether you believe there's such a thing as a "good fight" at all may depend both on your natural temperament and whether you've had a lot of "bad fights" in your life.

So what's a "bad fight?" One that includes physical violence, obviously. One that involves emotional abuse, which HelpGuide.org defines as words designed "to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence." Beyond that, though, it's hard to distinguish between a fight that clears the air and one that just leaves it cloudy with resentment. Maybe the answer is different for every couple. Or maybe I just don't know the answer because I'm not much good at fighting.

One thing that's clear from Barnes's piece is how little our own love lives tell us about other people's. Barnes's friend Lacey tells her, "I want a husband like yours. Someone who reads me love poems over breakfast." She is unaware that Bob once broke their breakfast table, but her perception of Barnes's marriage is also colored by her own anger over her husband's porn viewing. Barnes's essay didn't really teach me how much "wrath" is too much — though Bob's clearly was, for them — but it is a good illustration of the fact that we tend to judge other people's relationships by what we can and can't handle in our own. And that this method, like many we use when trying to understand other people's private lives, isn't terribly effective.

With This Rage, I Thee Wed [Oprah.com, via CNN]

The first time I read the comment (thanks PreposterousHypothesis!), I thought, "I don't need a channel to vent my anger. I don't get angry." And it's true that rather than getting angry — or getting even — I tend to get anxious or sad. This is true even in situations where someone has done something bad to me, and my more anger-prone friends tell me I should be pissed. So am I a naturally anger-free person, or have I just been suppressing my rage for so long I don't even feel it anymore?

Conventional wisdom dictates that expressing anger is less accepted in women than in men (when did you last hear a guy called "shrill" or "strident"?). One group of studies found that women who got angry were judged less competent than men who did — said a study author, "An angry woman loses status, no matter what her position." I definitely learned to hold back angry feelings in part from my mom, who believes it usually isn't useful to express them. On the other hand, a female friend of mine is so good at getting mad — quickly, forcefully, and without lingering resentment — that she once thought of hiring herself out as a freelance bitcher-outer of phone companies, careless movers, bad boyfriends, and others in need of a tongue-lashing. And when I think about it, I do get angry on occasion (else why my comic if one-note essay, "On Stabbing," published as yet only in my head?), but I'm often only aware of my anger after the fact.

One scientist, June Tangney, says it's a myth that women have problems feeling or expressing anger — they just show it differently than men do. "They are more proactive and use more problem-solving approaches in discussing a problem with a person they are angry with," she says. Makes us sound pretty awesome! But another scientist found that women stayed angry longer, had more resentment, and were more likely to decide never to speak to someone again (the "dead to me" approach).

I'm not sure if Tangney's right in my case — I think I've caused problems in my relationships, both romantic and platonic, by holding my anger in. And there's something to be said for an air-clearing fight, rather than nursing a grudge, or (my preferred approach) lying awake worrying. That said, expressing anger too quickly and too violently has problems too — it's better to talk things out than to, as PreposterousHypothesis says, "punch a motherfucker in the face." And violent anger isn't just a male issue — despite social conditioning, women do plenty of motherfucker-punching too. The relationships between anger and gender, and between expressing anger and being happy, are kind of mystifying. Less mystifying are the top reasons for women's anger: "powerlessness, injustice and the irresponsibility of other people." Sounds like the top things that suck about life.

Anger Across The Gender Divide [APA Online]
Gender Bias On Anger [Medical News Today]

Earlier: College Men Suffer As Much Violence As Women

While there's definitely a stereotype of the angry or desperate housewife, there's no arguing with facts: A "disturbing portrait of motherhood," the article is based on a survey of 1,000 mothers from MomConnection. The gist? Moms are pissed. They're mad that parenting is an uneven playing field, that the weight of the responsibilities fall on their shoulders, instead of the fathers'. The author, Martha Brockenbrough, includes some nauseating survey results: 46% of moms who took the survey "get irate with their husbands" once a week or more. Half of the moms described their anger as "intense"; 1 in 10 say it’s "deep and long-lasting." 44% are "peeved" that their partners "often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids." 50% say "their husbands get more time for themselves." Brockenbrough writes:

"We carry so much of this life-altering responsibility in our heads: the doctors’ appointments, the shoe sizes, the details about the kids’ friends. Many dads wouldn’t even think to buy valentines for the class, for example, or know when it’s time to sign kids up for the pre–camp physical, or that curriculum night is next Thursday at 7:30 and you need to hire a sitter and bring a nut-free vegetarian appetizer that can be eaten without a fork. Even moms who work full-time take it upon themselves to store all this data in our already overstuffed heads. We’re the walking, talking encyclopedias of family life, while dads tend to be more like brochures."

Of course, since the survey was for moms and about moms, there's no data about dads. Are they clueless? Or aware that they make their wives so upset? And what is the solution? Clearly, a woman simmering in fury is a terrible thing: Redford Williams, M.D., whom Brockenbrough interviewed for the piece, says: "Anger kills. It’s not just that it can damage your heart — which it does — but it’s also been found in epidemiological studies to identify people who are more likely to have a heart attack or drop dead from any cause." But the real question here is: How does all this anger affect the kids? Children pick up on the slightest subtleties in their parents' moods. Is it healthy to know that your mother resents your father? And is the anger contagious?

Are All Moms Mad At Dad? [NY Times]

Kindness doesn't solve sexual harassment or fix the report your coworker totally fucked up and you're in charge of sorting out. Kindness is for lunch dates and puppies and other people's kids. Anger is a healthy emotion — not getting angry when it is appropriate can be just as damaging as not being able to control your anger. Being mad at work is inevitable; men never have to worry that they'll look like a bitch or a dragon lady. When it comes to conducting business, anger's part of the job. Women don't need to change; people who think women who get angry at work are less competent need to change. One way to help people get used to it? Women (who still make less than men on average and face discrimination) need to keep on getting pissed off.

Anger In The Office — It Hurts Women More [CNN]

Brescoll points out that the only way for an angry woman to enact damage control is if she explained why she was angry. Observers tended to be more lenient towards women who explained themselves, and, perversely, they were less lenient when angry men deconstructed their behavior. It's unclear why observers were less understanding of men who explained themselves, but Brescoll believes it's because it might be seen as a sign of "weakness."

Brescoll's research was in the news before, back in October, when there were several articles showing that men are taken more seriously when they cry than women are. "An angry woman loses status, no matter what her position,'' Brescoll concludes. So next time you're seriously pissed at work, it might be better for your career to do a primal scream in your car under deep cover in the parking lot than show anyone how you're really feeling. Sad yes, but true.

Studies' Message To Women: Keep Your Cool [EurekAlert!]