Life & Style
"Is Lindsay Gay?" Are Lindsay and Sam "finally" coming out, asks the magazine? Intern Margaret laments all the old info in this story and calls it a "waste of time." But! According to a pal, LL and Sam got matching tattoos. What do you think they got inked? Moving on: Britney is so desperate for a real friend, she had to go sunbathing with her dad. Next: Vanessa Hudgens, 19, was "throwing back drinks" while vacationing with Zac Efron, but the drinking age on the Caribbean island is 18, so who cares? (Intern Margaret says, "The info in this issue was so lame and so old, I actually checked the date on the front cover to make sure I had the right one.") Mary-Kate made a T-shirt with Heidi and Spencer's faces on it and the text: "Heidi's Ho." Apparently Lauren Conrad wants one. Lastly: The story called "Ashlee's Junk Food Pregnancy Diet" really belongs in a Hall Of Shame. The Simpson family went to a Mexican restaurant and ordered a bunch of appetizers. "Everyone else was nibbling, but Ashlee ate more than her share," says a source. And she had her own entrée. THE HORROR! The magazine says: "The plate of two deep-fried Tijuana eggrolls could have as many as 2,015 calories — about what Ashlee should be eating in an entire day!" Continues the story: "Ashlee's problem is that she believes she's eating for two," says an insider. Maybe because she is gestating a human in her womb?
Grade: F (freezer-burned frozen pizza)
In Touch
"The Twins Are Here!" After an "amazing nine months," Angelina has given birth. A hospital insider says: "The babies are not big criers. Angelina is in great condition, but a bit fatigued." Moving on: Jen Aniston was "betrayed" by John Mayer. While in Amsterdam, John met a woman he thought was Dutch and said "I am John, I am a singer." She turned out to be a writer, Chaton Anderson, from California. She knew he was dating Jen but asked him what his relationship status was. He said "It's vague." She asked him to clarify and he said, "You know, it's very vague." Also inside: Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens had a "sexy vacation" in Turks & Caicos and there are four pages of pictures to prove it. On a photo of Jessica Simpson, the mag uses the phrase "Da Bomb", rendering it officially uncool (Fig 1). Is Lindsay getting skinny for Sam? She want to be as slim as her girlfriend, who weighs 104 lbs. Oh, and they share clothes. Was A-Rod tricked by Madonna? Her "friend" says: "Madonna is a huge flirt and she knows how to make someone feel like they're the center of her universe. She knew that she meant a lot to [A-Rod], but never discouraged him." Next: Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr might be broken up, because Miranda was seen making out with oily oil heir Brandon Davis. Suri Cruise has a French tutor! She knows more words in English, but she's doing really well in French. She's two.
Grade: D- (milk one week past its expiration date)
OK!
"Dream Baby." Jessica Alba sold herself — and her family — to the mag. Little Honor Marie's first photo shoot! Apparently the birth was very calm. Jessica says, "I didn't scream… It was really zen… The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused." Husband Cash Warren says: "I want [Honor] to look like me because a daughter looking like Jessica, I'd kill myself!" Also: The name Honor is stolen from one of Jessica's friends who liked it but was done having kids. Moving on: Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson hold hands in public now and Sam has updated her Facebook status to "in a relationship." Love! The ladies who look "Better After Breakup" are: Carrie Underwood, Pink and Liv Tyler. The "10 Ways To Spot A Cheater" story has Christie Brinkley in the lead photo, ouch. An insider thinks Jennifer Aniston will marry John Mayer before her 40th in February. The "How Melissa Joan Hart Shed The Baby Weight" article has two important details: She has a trainer and a nutritionist.
Grade: D (moldy bread)
Us
"Reese & Jake's Family Vacation." The story opens with a super cute picture of Jake, Reese and Ava holding hands, awww (Fig. 2). The group went to London and Paris and it was a "trial run" for Jake to see if he could handle the kids. It's a 6-page story with tons of pictures but it was pretty run-of-the-mill: They went into through The Chunnel, watched fireworks, swam in the pool, ate pizza. Moving on: There's no new news in the Angelina twins story but in the sidebar, a "pal" says of Jennifer Aniston: "She hopes the twins are beautiful. She'd never want anyone to be unhappy with their kids." Next: Katherine Heigl will "die" on Grey's Anatomy! Izzie may get a brain tumor because the writers are still mad at her. "Hunky" Jeffrey Dean Morgan may come back in visions brought on by the tumor. So you know those pictures of Heidi and Spencer holding guns? They're learning to shoot and handle firearms in honor of Heidi's stepbrother who died in Iraq. Spencer says, "Heidi wants to perform for the troops in Iraq. And if anything goes down while we're there and they toss us a gun, we want to know what we're doing." T.R. Knight, 35, has moved in with his boyfriend Mark Cornelsen, 19. Natalie Portman has moved from New York to L.A. and is spending loads of time with bf Devendra Banhart. "A visibly shaken" Verne Troyer sat down with the magazine to talk about his sex tape kerfluffle. It was the idea of Ranae, the ex-girlfriend, to make a video, says Verne: "She kept the tape in her camera on top of the closet where I couldn't even reach it!"
Grade: D+ (wet, damaged, wilted lettuce)
Star
"Shiloh Meets The Twins!" Okay, so Angelina gave birth and Shiloh left her dolls at home to go visit the twins. She brought toy bottles as presents for the babies, aww. When they told Shiloh the names of the kids, she said "Vivi and Nosh?" because she can't pronounce Vivienne and Knox. So those are the twins' new nicknames. The night before the babies were born, Brad Pitt and Angie's bro James Haven slept in Angie's room. The whole birthing process was filmed. Baby Knox was in the "dangerous" feet-first position. But everything turned out alright. Brad took his shirt off and held Knox against his skin — and Angelina did the same with Vivienne — according to the mag, "so the infants both had the feeling of their parents' flesh as their first sensation." Moving on: "More To Love" is a story about how Jessica Simpson has gained 30 lbs. Apparently when she's happy, she's heavier, and when she's sad, she's skinny. There's a chart of her ups and downs but she kind of looks the same in every picture. She's been telling friends she wants a baby because it would be cute if she and sister Ashlee had kids that were close in age. The idea of that freaks Tony out. Next: The new 90210 maybe have a "cat fight" brewing, since the ladies on the show feuded years ago and are coming back. Jennie Garth is nervous about working with Shannen Doherty and eagerly awaiting Tori Spelling's arrival on set. Also inside: Michael Bublé just broke up with Emily Blunt and has already been spotted with a blonde… and the next night, a brunette. For some reason the magazine prints the receipt from when Colin Farrell and his girlfriend bought a pregnancy test at Rite Aid. Is 22-year-old Amanda Bynes dating 34-year-old Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy fame? Reese and Jake will use their dog, Atticus, as the ring bearer at their as-yet-unplanned wedding. Yes, this is the dog that Jake and Kiki Dunst adopted together. But Atticus now lives with Reese full time. Blind item! "Which rock star's teenage daughter is heading down the same path as her parents? A source says she is drinking and drugging with other rich kids in Malibu." Madonna and Guy Ritchie's children are "caught in the middle" of their tumultuous lives. Seven year old Rocco made a "desperate" trans-Atlantic phone call to his dad, saying he missed him and begging him not to leave. Days later, Guy arrived in New York. The day after the pictures of Lindsay and Sam holding hands were taken, Sam flew to Vancouver for a gig. LL sent her a Facebook message that said,"Baby baby, baby, I miss you already. I hate that you had to leave me this morning. I love you." Lastly: It's a gir;! Star can "exclusively" reveal that Ashlee Simpson-Wentz is having a daughter. The due date: October 31, Halloween. Pete Wentz, who has been sewing since high school, is making onesies and diapers for the kid already.
Grade: C (congealed spaghetti with sauce)
Fig. 1

Fig. 2

• OMG twins! Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline were born to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt one minute apart on Saturday evening. Apparently Brad was in the delivery room as doctors performed a C-section on Angie: Knox weighed in at slightly over 5 pounds, and Vivienne weighed 5 pounds. Now comes the speculation over the how much photographs of the bébés are worth: The couple has maybe sold the rights to a U.S. publication — maybe People — and the proceeds will go to charity. The number being thrown around is $11 million. [AP]
• Darryn Lyons, owner of Big Pictures, a celebrity photo agency, claims that pix of the twins are worth between $15 and $20 million. The only other photos that "would possibly come that close is Britney Spears giving birth to an alien," he says. [AP]
• Quentin Tarantino is flying to France to meet with Brad Pitt — but about a movie, not about the twins. [Page Six]
• Josh Brolin, Jeffrey Wright and other members of the crew from Oliver Stone's movie W were arrested in a bar fight early Saturday morning in Shreveport, LA. Maybe someone made a Karl Rove joke? [AP]

• Uh-oh. Did Mamma Mia actress Amanda Seyfried dis the gays by not walking the red carpet at Outfest? [Page Six]
• Miley Cyrus filmed scenes for her upcoming Hannah Montana movie in Malibu's Paradise Cove and everybody went cuckoo. Screaming fans, paparazzi and the sherriff's department all converged in a perfect storm of chaos. A police helicopter buzzed overhead and, says one beachgoer, "I thought it was going to land right on the paparazzi." [Yahoo News]
• Why? Why are there pictures of Miley in the shower???? [Egotastic]
• Amy Winehouse's dad collapsed due to "stress." What do you think he's upset about? [The Sun]
• Oh, look, Amy snorting something in a DJ booth. [TMZ]
• And here Amy's dad says he fears Amy will die. Sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Amy will stop performing in September to take a break from singing and focus on her writing. Also, Amy's been "visiting" her dead grandmother in her dreams, and Nan's not happy that Amy's not living up to her potential. [Telegraph]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty: Pictured relaxing on a luxury yacht off of Italy's Amalfi coast. Not pictured: Balthazar's wife and four kids. [Mirror]
• Nicole Kidman had lunch at a restaurant in Nashville on Friday in a post-baby outing and "looked amazing." Yawn. [People]
• Kate Hudson has beaten out Sienna Miller and Anne Hathaway for a role in Nine, the movie based on the Broadway musical, starring Daniel Day-Lewis. (Can Kate keep her hands off of her co-star?) [Page Six]
• Mario Lopez doesn't tip coat check ladies when he checks his murse. [Page Six]
• Ian McKellen's performance in King Lear is coming to PBS. But will he be nude on TV as he is in one scene on stage? [AP]
• Jennifer Lopez's nanny has walked off the job. Or did she run? Apparently it's a 16-hour a day, seven days a week gig. And this is the second nanny to leave, so Jen and Marc are looking for number 3. [MSNBC]
• Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones has left his wife for an 18-year-old Russian woman. "He met her in a dodgy escort bar at four in the morning when he was boozed out of his mind," his publicist (??) says. Jeez. No sympathy for the devil here. [UPI]
• Jarrod Beinerman, a 34-year-old reputed drug dealer from Brooklyn, has admitted that he stole a $13,000 Marc Jacobs handbag from the hotel room of Kirsten Duns last August. He could get 4 years in prison. It's not clear if Kiki got her purse back. [UPI]
• Heidi Fleiss is facing felony drug use and possession charges from that February traffic stop. She's charged with unlawful use of methamphetamine and possession of the painkiller hydrocodone without a prescription. And something about her mug shot is just plain creepy. [AP]
• Anthony Kiedis and girlfriend Heather Christie: Broken up! They were together for more than 3 years and have a son, Everly Bear. "Anthony is a great dad and I will love him forever for giving me the gift of life," Heather says. "I really hope he finds what he's looking for." Oh, dear. [UPI]
• Congrats to Tabboo of the Black Eyed Peas, who got married in Pasadena over the weekend. will.i.am, Apl de ap and Fergie attended; if you have an unusual or oddly spelled name, you might have been there, too. [UPI]
• This video of Vivica A. Fox calling Jessica Simpson the "baddest blonde bitch on the planet" while holding a flaxen-haired child is very perplexing. [TMZ]
• Jessica, Vivica and Tony Romo hung out at the Key Club together the other night. [Page Six]
• Guy Ritchie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin and Robert Downey Jr had dinner together in the Hamptons… Madonna was nowhere to be found. [Full Disclosure]
• Maybe Madonna was at the Kabbalah center? She has given the group over $5 million — and no longer supports some other charities she once funded. [NY Post]
• The E! True Hollywood Story of Heath Ledger aired over the weekend without the dirty secrets usually revealed on that show. The stuff about Heath's father Kim fighting with his brothers was avoided. [News.com.au]
• Is Katherine Heigl going to get kicked off of Grey's Anatomy? [Perez Hilton]
• Is Milo Ventimiglia planning to propose to Hayden Panettiere? [The Sun]
• Hayden cut her hair, btw. [E!]
• Christopher Gorham, aka Henry on Ugly Betty, has left the show. He'll star on CBS drama Harper's Island. His character's name? Henry. [Yahoo News]
• The Mariah Carey remix contest: A marketing gimmick that could sound hot. [Reuters]
• Jimi Hendrix's brother Leon is trying to use the rock star's image to market a brand of vodka. Sister Janie thinks that's offensive; cue a family scuffle. [UPI]
• Shocker: Meet Dave bombed at the box office. [E!]
• Dear Brooke Hogan: Why must you dress like you're a Frederick's Of Hollywood spokesmodel? [The.Life Files]
• Marianne Faithfull is taking six months off for "mental and physical exhaustion." Be well! [Telegraph]
• "If I got a nomination, I'd make everyone in my life start calling me "Emmy." All of us in this room work extremely hard. The audience sees the end result: the show. But no one sees the process involved in getting those accolades, that recognition. It's beyond stardom. And it doesn't come often in an actress's lifetime." — Tichina Arnold of Everybody Hates Chris, in a discussion with 7 of TV's top actresses that's worth reading. Kyra Sedgwick, Minnie Driver, Jenna Fischer Calista Flockhart, Felicity Huffman and Brooke Shields also weigh in. [Yahoo News]
• "I'm not a bad person. When people say all these negative things about me, I ignore them. Let them be negative - but do that away from me. It hurts but I know there is much more good in the world. I'm blessed to be able to do charitable work and good things but no one focuses on that because I don't throw it in people's faces. That's why they focus on the negatives." — Naomi Campbell. [Mirror]