6:33 ET:
Ana: I swear the music right now is the Star Wars theme. I mean, I'm not certain, but maybe.

Megan: It was the theme to Dallas in St. Paul

6:35 ET
Ana: "SAR-AH, SAR-AH" chant started

Megan: OH GOD

Ana: And now... I'm sure of this: "Heart of rock'n'roll is still beating"
"the old boy may be barely breathing," indeed!

Megan: hahaha

Ana: Serious! Totally what's on right now.
"Famous" media types here: Terry Moran, Dana Bash, and... that's kind of it.

Megan: Dana Bash is so small in person I worry that just walking by her she'll break. I wish she would eat.

6:38 ET
Ana: Okay here we go! I'm refusing to stand up. Music: "Fanfare for the Common Man"

Megan: Ok, lame song choices. Typical GOP.

Ana: Well I love Copeland, but it's... not that creative.
Lots of "country first" signs

6:40 ET
Megan: Naturally. Republicans are all about putting The Country first. Except when it comes to taxes.

Ana: Lots of standing.
USA USA USA
I'm so used to only hearing that when code pink is in the house.
btw, just for fun: this is about 100x as big as any town hall i attended in NH, AND PEOPLE ARE STILL STANDING
"hello? the PRESS IS TRYING TO SEE."
"It is like it didn't happen if WE CAN'T SEE IT."

Megan: Well, Michigan does have a lot more people than New Hampshire, right? And I think the Republicans are deliberately trying to block the press. They hate the press, remember?

6:45 ET
Ana: I do feel hated.
OMG, I feel it coming... it's coming...
DRILL BABY DRILL
DRILL BABY DRILL
Ii may start that chant if she doesn't because it reminds me of Wonkette!
And, seriously, can't see a fucking thing.
Anna wanted to know what the audience is like. If I had to use one word to describe them it would probably be: White.

Megan: White like the stripes and stars in our flag white? Or just really pasty like me?

Ana: Pasty. Do you think SHP uses some kind of fall in the back to get that volume she has?
I ask as someone who desperately needs volume.

6:50 ET
Megan: I'm going with hot rollers, some teasing and a lot of hairspray. I have had wedding hair once this year already, that's how I got it. But it's very time-consuming.

Ana: Oh, Anna also asked about what people are wearing. I would say, "late Walmart,"maybe last fall.
"From time to time, Sarah and I don't agree on every issue... what do you expect of two mavericks??"
er...

Megan: Um, does maverick now just mean people that disagree with one another? Can we finally retire the fucking word after this week? Please?

Ana: Maverick=cranky? Or maybe "colic-y"
USA USA USA
btw, this might actually be a town hall. At least that's the sign in the back.

Megan: Whoa, he's having a town hall in a town hall?

6:55 ET
Ana: No no. It says "STRAIGHT TALK TOWN HALL" above the stage

Megan: Oh, well, if it's just a town hall where ever he says it's a town hall, he better not knock on my fucking door. My place is not big enough for that shit.

Ana: "Governor Palin and I will not raise anyone's taxes... the worst thing anyone can do is raise taxes"
Except maybe get into a hugely expensive, unnecessary war! That might be worse!

Megan: Torturing people is also pretty bad. I keep hearing that from somewhere.

7:00 ET
Ana: "We're going to stop running Wall Street like a casino" he says. There goes my investment strategy! I wish I was kidding.

Megan: No, shit, he really said that? Like Wall Street isn't already a crap shoot?

Ana: I think that was his point. He wants it to be more like.. a bingo parlor? Maybe a Scrabble tournament.

Megan: Boggle, definitely Boggle.

Ana: PEGGY HILL WOULD RUN THE FED! Which I for one would welcome.

Megan: I think Peggy Hill might be as competent as anyone.

Ana: USA USA USA!
Now... questions! From the audience!

Megan: From the hand-selected audience of "real" people who happen to be white Republicans in Michigan.

Ana: First question: "Have you read 'America Alone'?" and a bunch of stuff about how dangerous terrorists are. No actually this guy was kind of pissed. "I don't believe you" when you say you'll defeat the terrorists. The guy was in fact a white Michigander, presumably a Republican, but was not particularly friendly. UNLESS IT IS A TRICK.

Megan: McCain: not torture-ific and bomb-Iran-y enough for the American heartland.

7:05 ET
Ana: That was his slogan in 2000.
Mark Halperin is shooting video RIGHT NOW. It may be on the PAGE as we type

Megan: If he is live-streaming this, I am going to be sort of jealous.

Ana: I don't think so. I'm not sure he knows how to use iphoto.
Sarah just said, "Sometimes my running mate is too humble."

Megan: Ok, I'm officially calling that the biggest lie of the night.

Ana: Unless it's this: "In 2006, it was John McCain who was warning about Freddie and Fannie." Perhaps someone can Google that.
Now he's saying that Social Security will go broke, which is not exactly the truth either.

Megan: Oh, ok, well, now I am TOTALLY CONVINCED that I want a private account.

Ana: As my father would insist. And yes, IMAGINE HOW GREAT YOUR PRIVATE ACCOUNT WOULD BE DOING NOW

Megan: About as good as my 401k, one assumes. Maybe worse.

7:10 ET
Ana: I'm sure this is totally genuine: "I'm a former life-long Democrat who campaigned for Hillary Clinton... and I'm also a PUMA... and the Rs have welcomed me with open arms." Audience member shouted, "We love you!" and she responded: "I love you too." Oh, but her question is good: "Can you give us some details, and your strategy and plans, for economic empowerment for women?"

Megan: More training and education!

Ana: Sarah Palin jumps in to mention "I am a product of Title IX" which is totally an appropriate answer if you mean LITERAL EMPOWERMENT, like, pumping iron and shit.
Oooh but wait, "If we have to keep going down that road" — of legislation — "then that's where we'll be." She can't possibly mean that because McCain has voted against legislation like that... whatever. They're MAVERICKS!

Megan: She'll say one thing and he'll do another and together they'll convince the American electorate that things are going so swimmingly!

7:15 ET
Ana: It's like a romantic comedy that ends like "Saving Private Ryan."

Megan: Completely off-topic, but that stupid modern-day bookending that Spielberg did there practically ruined that fucking movie for me.

Ana: Well, a lot of things ruined that movie for me, including the basic premise.

Megan: But then there were hot guys who said "fuck" a lot and I'm a simple person.

Ana: "The Sopranos" must have gotten you very excited.

Megan: If I'd had HBO, it probably would have, not that James Gandolfini is hot.

Ana: Now he's saying that when people retire from gov't jobs, "we'll see if a computer can replace them." I hope he didn't expect applause in Michigan for that.

Megan: Yay robots! Yeah mechanization! Dude, have his speechwriters been to Michigan before? Can they really not excise one line?

7:20 ET
Ana: He's a MAVERICK, Megan. Sometimes he and his speechwriters disagree!
Terry Moran is standing in the back shaking his head in what, I dare say, is disgust.

Megan: And he lets them win! That's totally maverick-y.

Ana: He is taking notes ON PAPER, btw, not a LOT of notes, but he's clearly old... or older school.

Megan: That's very pre-automation of him.

Ana: Other notes from the press filing center: Schmidt has grown a goatee.

Megan: Is it a good one?

Ana: Young doctor just asked about malpractice reform. McCain asks how much he owes and then says: "That's the first thing I want to do, is make sure young people like that don't graduate in debt for a quarter of a million dollars." Of course I'm sure he means he'll nationalize the secondary education system.

Megan: Well, once we get done with the financial services system...

Ana: Schmidt's goatee is obviously a little new. Mark Salter's sort of hot assistant is not here. McCain campaign a little short on hotties, but politics is like that in general

Megan: Yes, tell me about it.

7:25 ET
Ana: Yes, sorry. Ii am the lucky married woman. I just pay attention for aesthetics sake.

Megan: More hotties need to go into politics. I was going to comment on your cute husband, but decided to refrain but if it's just for aesthetics sake, your husband is kinda cute.

Ana: He is!
btw, someone just asked "if you can be a mother and still be vice president" in a sarcastic way.

Megan: Is sarcasm allowed in Michigan? I was told it's not.

Ana: Her answer, among other platitudes: "This is the party that embraces the change and the progress that American women are creating and deserving"

Megan: [brain explodes] That got a lot of applause, didn't it.

7:30 ET
Ana: Sorry my brain was leaking out of my ears.
I can't decide if I admire the volume Sarah has or if it makes her look like a cone head. (see, BRAIN EXPLODED)

Megan: Wait, maybe the volume is because her brain already exploded. Maybe she didn't used to be all Republican-y and then she heard someone say stuff like this and her brain exploded! Maybe it's contagious!

7:35 ET
Ana: RINO-virus, AS IT WERE!
Sorry. I am going to continue to rely on the fact that my brain is still liquified

Megan: Maybe all that sniffing at Republican events is just them trying to keep their brains in and not coke after all.

Ana: Or allergies.
"China is a growing power in the world"
20 year old college student asking about college aid. This might be interesting.
"I'm not even able to receive the health care I need, not even to get better"
"I'd like to know what you have in place... to actually make us better, healthier people."
"I can't go to the doctor when I need to"
"right now i have bronchitis"
"and that is where I have to be before I seek care, and I have to be afraid because I might not be able to pay for it."
Very moving

Megan: Yes, well, McCain will give you a tax credit, little Cindy Lou Who, then pat you on the head and send you to bed. To die.

Ana: And then he said "I don't believe government should be running health care" and everyone applauded.
AND YES SHE WILL GET A TAX CREDIT
"Ao you can get a health insurance policy that YOU CHOOSE" but that you still may not be able to afford. Sorry.

Megan: Well, you know, the Magical Market will fix all of that. Like it did with our overabundance of solvent financial services companies.

7:40 ET
Ana: And somehow he started talking about childhood obesity, which is a huge issue! (as it were)

Megan: Wait, I thought Huckabee lost?

Ana: But that girl with bronchitis is just going to be sick for awhile.

Megan: Yeah, get the girl some Mucinex and a free Advair sample and call it a day.

Ana: Maybe she just needs a humidifier

Megan: Oooh, one of the Vicks Vap-o-rub ones!

Ana: SHP just got a q about what experiences she has that make her ready to be VP.

Megan: Shooting moose! Birthing kids!

Ana: I assumed that would be met with silence so I stopped taking notes, but apparently she's the Commander in Chief of the Alaska National Guard.

Megan: They went to war with Russia, right?

7:45 ET
Ana: At the very least, they had a staring contest BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY CAN SEE THEM.
Okay now appears to be winding down. How can i wrap this up for you?

Megan: I usually say something about how I'm going to get drunk and people think I'm kidding.

Ana: Oh breaking: "NO MORE POLITICS AS USUAL." SARAH SAID SO
Well I'm going to test out just how much the relationship between the McCain campaign and the press corps has changed
because they used to get drunk with us a lot. I will be doing some investigative reporting and then let you know.

Megan: Sweet, I look forward to it!

Ana: (Though I am, to quote someone we know, "not Woodward and Bernstein.")

Megan: Really, who is, or would want to be?

Ana: Bernstein.

• The Dow lost about another 450 points today even though the federal government has decided to buy out (read: nationalize) anything they need to to keep out economy from collapsing. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of, Morgan Stanley might merge with Wachovia, which would make Goldman Sachs the only remaining stand-alone investment bank in the United States. Seriously. [NY Times]
• But it's all going to be okay because the Bush Administration might use the end of its term in office to create a whole new agency dedicated to buying up all the bad debt and defunct financial institutions that its policies created in the last 7.5 years. Hey, did I mention the word "nationalization" already? Good. [NY Times]
• Hey, look! Something shiny! Don't watch the end of capitalism! Lori Drew is moving her family to an undisclosed location. [St. Charles Journal]

• Hillary Clinton canceled an appearance at an anti-Iran rally because the organizers thought it would be a supercoolfun idea to put her on the dais with Sarah Palin less than two months before the election and didn't think it necessary to inform her. Um, obviously. [Associated Press]
• The polls show McCain and Obama pretty damn tight in too damn many battleground states. [Marc Ambinder]
• Known elitist Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild and former major Democratic figure says all kinds of unbelievable crap about why she's now supporting McCain, but the funniest part is when she says it's about voter disenfranchisement and didn't know that the Republicans are actively seeking to disenfranchise legal voters in the general election to help he new best buddy. Ok, here's a woman you can hate on. Please, enjoy. [Huffington Post]
• McCain and Palin will be doing their deathly tango on Larry King tonight (and feel free to use this as an open thread if you're not watching Project Runway), but before that Swampland's Ana Marie Cox and I will be liveblogging her own torture: sitting through a McCain townhall meeting. Join us back here at 7! [Think Progress]

ANA MARIE: I AM AWAKE!

MEGAN: Hooray! I am too. Are you appropriately grumpy about it?

ANA MARIE: Could be worse. We could be talking about BLOGGING AND POLITICS.

MEGAN: Like, oh my God, Ana, when are bloggers going to get ethics like real journalists?

ANA MARIE: As soon as we gain enough power to mislead a country into a stupid war.
The best thing about this election so far, I have to say, is not so much that the press has goaded itself into becoming more watchdog-y, but that they're doing the watchdogging with such petulant snarkiness. Almost like bloggers. From the NYT's editorial board blog yesterday:

What’s Spanish for ‘Lies’?
By The Editorial Board

It's "mentiras," I think, but I'm sure that's not the point!

MEGAN: It is way more than I thought, since I was too busy laughing at the thought of the New York Times editorial board getting so upset that John McCain was misleading voters. I guess it's a fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice and we'll publish a number of glowing pieces about how Saddam has nukes kind of thing.

ANA MARIE: Almost like he was exaggerating the threats posed by Iraq or something!
Fool me three times and we'll write a snarky blog post! THAT WILL SHOW HIM.

MEGAN: What if all the newspapers became actually snarky? Like, what if they decided that the only way to compete with new media was to out-blog us? Would The Onion have to become an outlet of serious journalism? Would democracy as we know it die? (You did see that article about how cynicism is killing democracy...)

ANA MARIE: WHAT IF NICK DENTON RAN THE NYT? I think we would develop a shortage of first-hand journalism. But EVERYONE would know who Julia Allison is.

MEGAN: You don't need to leave your desk to know stuff, obviously! Wait, are there people who don't know about Julia Allison yet? I thought she was part of the citizenship exam by now.

ANA MARIE: She's actually being launched into space soon. So that she's, like, one of the first things aliens learn about us. You know: Beethoven, math... Julia Allison.

MEGAN: They'll like her better than math, that's for sure. Gawker certainly does.

ANA MARIE: There's some kind of segue between Julia and this about Tucker Bounds, but I'm still coffee-less, so I'll let you make it. They really need to stop sending the twelve-year-old intern out to the morning shows. Or cable shows, I mean. I think I was thinking "morning show" because he's getting his ass kicked, in all cases, by heavily rougued faux-next-girls! GIRLS!

MEGAN: Actually, the man just needs to, like, fucking prepare before he goes. Your candidate is out lying like he's Dick Cheney or something, you gotta put your big boy panties on just like Ari Fleischer did and take it. I think the real problem is that Tucker Bounds likes getting spanked by hot women.

ANA MARIE: YOU CAN TOTALLY TELL. He totally knows the shit the campaign is trying to pull and just enjoys being called on it. "TELL ME AGAIN HOW WE LIE, CAMPBELL. MAKE IT HURT."

MEGAN: "I know I've been naughty, Megyn. Tell me I've been naughty."

ANA MARIE: Oh, breaking!

Senator McCain, on a round of seven morning shows, says on CNBC’s Squawk Box that he favors a 9/11-commission-style body to look into the Wall Street meltdown: “Everybody’s at fault here – the regulatory agencies, who were clearly asleep at the stick … That’s why I think maybe we ought to have a 9/11 commission type thing, because this crisis is very serious and … certainly a threat to our economy. … I understand the economy. I was chairman of the Commerce Committee that oversights every part of our economy. I have a far, far longer record of addressing these issue than my opponent does. And I certainly don’t think we should raise taxes in these difficult times.”

MEGAN: Is oversight a verb?

ANA MARIE: Look, he was a POW, ok? He is allowed to verb anything.

MEGAN: Wait, John McCain was tortured? I didn't know that.

ANA MARIE: Do you think somewhere lying around the WH is a memo entitled, "Wall Street Determined to Strike Inside the US"?

MEGAN: So, by the way, the 9/11 Commission report only took a year to commission and two to write, which means McCain's financial crisis commission will issue its report on the current financial crisis in 2011, which is 2 years before McCain wants to start pulling troops out of Iraq but possibly a little late to have any effect on the deepening financial crisis. But, read his lips: No New Taxes.

ANA MARIE: Speaking of which, I actually wrote someone on the McCain campaign yesterday to ask if the candidate had finished Alan Greenspan's book by now.

MEGAN: And did you get a response that wasn't vetted 15 ways from Sunday?

ANA MARIE: Er, yes.

MEGAN: I wonder if Steve Schmidt has taken away everyone's BlackBerries.

ANA MARIE: Maybe he's just installed some kind of filter. The answer I got was, basically, "Fuck off." It was a little nicer than that.

MEGAN: I think, then, that Steve Schmidt is controlling everyone's BlackBerries.

ANA MARIE: No, Steve would have actually written "Fuck off." He's from Jersey, you know, where that is a term of endearment.

MEGAN: Maybe that's the filter! He types "fuck off" and a computer somewhere translates it into something polite. I could totally use one of those, if they made it into one of those little boxes you use to talk after throat cancer surgery.

ANA MARIE: Speaking of cancer (I'm getting better at segues!): Bristol Palin's tanning bed.

MEGAN: I was just thinking, actually, that Todd looks equally suspiciously tan for the start of winter. But he works outside, if he wanted to submit to a tan line inspection to prove it's not from the bed, I'm happy to judge.

ANA MARIE: Wait, isn't he part Eskimo? Does that make your question racist?

MEGAN: He's like an eighth or something? I have been too busy noticing that he's cute and kind of silent which is how I too prefer the cute men.

ANA MARIE: And I think he's also controlling and a little insane. He's perfect for you!

MEGAN: Insane, definitely! I try to only date the mentally ill, it makes it so much easier to blame the break-ups on them. Controlling, well, that shit just annoys me in about 2 seconds. I dumped a guy once for questioning who I was talking to on the telephone.

ANA MARIE: So you probably wouldn't let him, say, write your state budget, huh?

MEGAN: I probably wouldn't let him know the balance in our joint checking account.

ANA MARIE: So here's a question: What are the gender politics of Todd being so up in his wife's business, as it were?

MEGAN: Well, metaphorically speaking, I am all for Todd being all up in his wife's business.

ANA MARIE: I am actually quite sure that they have hot Christian sex all the time.

MEGAN: But, other than that, it's a little weird on a state level. Especially because state budgets are really complex and stuff, and I don't recall Todd having a degree in public management or accounting. Or anything, really.

ANA MARIE: So when HRC got all up in Bill's (completely literal) business, that was ok... Because she was sharing expertise.

MEGAN: Well, only it wasn't, right? Because then she was a nagging, first-wifely harpy. At least that was the Republican talking point...

ANA MARIE: It was. And now the Dem talking point looks like it might be, "Todd is pulling all the strings, a bullying, first-dudely Machiavelli." From my friend Mike's admittedly amusing Salon piece, out last night:

"No one has accused Todd Palin of interfering in state business for his own personal benefit — instead, the situation has remained somewhat inscrutable, if not odd. According to local politicos and observers, he lurks around the capitol if he doesn't have anything better to do, which, since he works seasonal jobs in oil and fishing, is fairly often."

MEGAN: I love how he's "lurking." And that with 4 and now 5 kids at home, he doesn't have anything better to do.

ANA MARIE: But here's the thing: switch the genders — our standard mode of cultural critique this year, practically so mandatory that I'm thinking Chris and I will just go as each other for Halloween — and what do you think? "Sarah Palin, with 5 kids at home, has no right lurking around her husband's place of work like she has any idea what's going on."

MEGAN: I'm of two minds, as I am with everything else. On the one hand, free advice is good. Free decision-making, not so good.

ANA MARIE: I agree. It's just really awesome to see Rs having to grapple with this. I wrote a piece a couple of months ago about how, along with Woodstock and the moon landing, another major event McCain missed while in prison (yes, he was in a Vietnamese prison! true story!) was the women's movement, which is obviously where a lot of these questions were first framed on a national level. He's totally having to make up for lost time, in a way, but without any of the intellectual or historical work that went into the first round of discussions.

MEGAN: I think a lot of her politicians missed the women's movement in some pretty significant ways.

ANA MARIE: They weren't even really the "first" of course.
Well, yes. But do you get what I mean about how the R's new-found feminism is missing a lot of the context and thoughtfulness that, well, makes it a real argument rather than a talking point?

MEGAN: Well, I think the Republican party's newfound "feminism" is born of, oh, God, too early, what's the word that means you're taking advantage of the situation? Anyway, I think the Republican party hasn't found feminism.

ANA MARIE: You're right. Or, rather, they've just found the word "sexism."

MEGAN: They've found the power of the word sexism to attract a certain class of voters.

ANA MARIE: Well, weirdly, it's not! I mean, HRC supporters ARE NOT flocking to Palin

MEGAN: And they've discovered the sheer joy of Schadenfreude, watching all of this. No, they're not flocking if they are committed Dems, but I think plenty of Hillary supporters weren't committed Dems.

ANA MARIE: The sexism charge is mainly working as a proxy for the standard "media bias" charge. Which is as old as the hills, though not as old as John McCain.

MEGAN: I think the sexism charge is connecting hard with Republican women, bringing up old grievances with feminists and the feminist movement connected to their life choices. The idea that feminists disrespect women who stay home with the kids or are pro-life, those feelings.

ANA MARIE: So, really, they're just co-opting the words. We're not actually having a productive discussion.

MEGAN: It's politics! Productive discussions aren't allowed.

ANA MARIE: Which makes it a perfect time to segue back into Julia Allison!

MEGAN: Um, she called herself a journalist.

ANA MARIE: But, and this is important:

"I don't want people to think that I think I'm Woodward and Bernstein."

Which sort of makes me think she's actually Sarah Palin.

MEGAN: I believe journalism just died. Actually, I think she slunk into its hospital room, climbed on it's bed, slapped it around, smothered it with a pillow and then stabbed it 39 times for emphasis.

ANA MARIE: I was just thinking: I think Julia Allison had sex with journalism, THEN killed it. It's the best end journalism can hope for. It would be much worse to have sex with Woodward and Bernstein before dying.

MOE: Hey we can sort of start now if you want, though I'm still mostly reading through stuff. I just bought some beer because I think I'm the soberest person in Philadelphia right now. (The Eagles won a REALLY CLOSE game with the Rams today.) But here's something fun:

Mr. Rove said Mr. Schmidt’s increased authority — which came about after what amounted to a coup by Mr. Schmidt and other McCain aides with ties to the 2004 campaign, that gave him equal status with the campaign manager, Rick Davis — has been the best thing to have happened to Mr. McCain.

Oh God, Karl Rove. How do you do it, Karl Rove? You secure the election of a president so incompetent and widely loathed he decimates your party, then you leave the business for the media. Once in the media you commence bashing the media. You bash the media for asking questions about — not reporting, just asking around about — a rumor.

MEGAN: I am well on my way to non-Eagles-related drunkenness and I still cannot believe Steve Schmidt. Or Karl Rove. Like, seriously, did we watch the same speech? Only I thought it totally bombed and I talked to a shit load of Republicans at the wake today and people thought it fucking killed.

MOE: The sordid details of which are clearly, creepily reminiscent of the (much more easily refutable) rumor you disseminated to nastily defeat your boss's rival in the 2000 Republican primaries. And eight years later, said rival's distance from your old boss being the single-most compelling trait for Republicans to safely rally around, your old cronies take over his campaign, choosing a running mate whose most salient characteristic besides her nice bod is that she was the only member of the shortlist with a dearth of accomplishments deeper than that of your old boss in 2000, and then exploit the scurrilousness of said (much less obviously mendacious) rumor about said running mate's "personal" life to smear the "media"… (And who is paying for this? The media. "I'm not in the media, I'm around the media" is I believe how Rove put it…)

MEGAN: I wonder, honestly, if Rove even takes himself seriously at this point. I mean, the Palin Blake Slate is one of the reasons she was chosen.

MOE: Nah, he can't possibly. I actually find him more amusing than offensive at this point. Although maybe that's just because I read Safire today.

MEGAN: I did not read Safire today. I honestly feel like reading columnists is like a job that I don't get paid enough to do.

MOE: Don't let it hurt your teeth too much.

MEGAN: Honestly, at the point at which he says that Broder was the only fair pundit in attendance that night, it's hard to gag while I'm laughing so fucking hard.

MOE: And in shades of Friday's "Wow, I can't believe I'm going to calm myself down by talking about Bill O'Reilly," I entreat you to calm yourself down, after taking a gander over there, with the soothing relative sanity being preached by Chuck Krauthammer.

MEGAN: Oh, wait, he said something true:

The McCain acceptance speech reads better than it was read.

Oh, wait, here he's back to teabagging McCain:

That called for McCain to set aside his longtime reluctance to recount publicly his wartime suffering.

Ummmm, you know, except for his FUCKING MEMOIRS.

MOE: Oh shit, I am starting to find Palin so relatable though! Back in Wasilla they used to call her base of support the Liquor Cabinet.

MEGAN: Man, I would totally vote for the Liquor Cabinet.

MOE: Oh dear, and here her ex-brother in law admits he used a Taser on his 10-year-old son.

MEGAN: Ugh, that is super lame. Also, did you notice that after her announcement, she took her bouffant-y twist out? One of my reporter friends was like, she wears it like that to seem taller, she's gonna have to take it out for the campaign, McCain isn't tall enough.

MOE: Oh God Janice Min Janice Minnnn I'm boycotting you now:

“She out Obama’ed Obama with her speech,” said Janice Min, the editor of Us Weekly, who said the criticism of its coverage would pass soon enough. “She came on like a supermom who is not going to take a lot of guff from anyone. The way media works now, it is impossible to separate the personal from the political, and I think her role as a celebrity — how she does on that level — could have a significant effect on the election.”

Yeah I noticed it; I believe they decreed it to be Hepburn-esque in the New York Post. Here, exhibit five.

MEGAN: I didn't tell you! David Carr interviewed me for that piece at the Vanity Fair-Google party... and didn't use my quote. But it might be because I was drinking enough that Ana Marie Cox was like... um, what are you drinking? Because I was sort of lapping her on her alcohol acquisition. That's not the best sign, probably. Ok, I've found my first reason to be actively and yet completely unreasonably against Sarah Palin, other than the whole anti-choice thing: the use of multiple exclamation points:

"New administration finally allows new input, fresh ideas and ENERGY to work with the public to shape this city!!!"

MOE: Ok and I've found my first reason to reconsider my general assertion that the media hasn't been overstepping:

And yet, you get the feeling that at the end of the day, she could shake out that lustrous mane (longer than any other major female U.S. political figure's) and get it on with her man. She wears skirts that are quite form-fitting and often goes without stockings. As ZZ Top might say, she's got legs, and she knows how to use 'em. When Sen. John McCain introduced her at an Aug. 29 campaign rally in Dayton, Ohio, she was wearing open-toed red patent leather shoes.

That is the resident fashion critic at the LA Times.

MEGAN: Um, fucking gross. Also, I have peep toed pumps, that obviously means I'm a fucking whore.

MOE: Well you're obviously a fucking whore. But so am I and I have three pairs of shoes, everyone knows that.

But, oh my God and she is totally the Britney Spears of MILFs.

Palin held her baby in her arms as the warden drove a short distance around the facility, said corrections director Joe Schmidt, who sat next to Palin. A few days later, the governor got a warning from her public safety commissioner that someone had complained that she did not strap Trig into a car seat for the ride.

Palin dismissed the complaint as petty, and the commissioner, whom she appointed, took no formal action. But the incident shows the degree to which family and politics are bound together in Palin's career.

MEGAN: Yes, I mean, shoes do not equal whore, like, wtf is the LA Times fashion critic talking about?

MOE: Um, is that really what "the incident shows" Washington Post?? Or does the incident show that SARAH PALIN IS A TERRIBLE MOTHER WHO NOT FOR NO REASON AT ALL LEAKED AMNIOTIC FLUID ALL OVER THAT PLANE (or whatever.)

MEGAN: Ok, well, that doesn't say back seat or front seat, plus it doesn't mention whether she was breast feeding or not. I dunno, I got kicked out of a bar for being there with a pregnant friend who was like I JUST WANTED ONE GLASS OF WINE. Also, my vagina leaks a lot, particularly when I'm ovulating. I'm like sloppy, annoyingly wet.

MOE: Ugh that is so annoying. Didn't they read the story about how you can actually binge drink during pregnancy so long as you only do it a few times a month or so?

MEGAN: I don't know, they were complete assholic assholes about it.

MOE: OOOOOOH maybe you are just female ejaculating all the time like those women in those other stories who have orgasms all the time and have to strap miniature vibrators to their underwear just to get through the day????

MEGAN: Nah, when I was a teenager, I went to my doctor and she said it was normal. Like, it's my body being like IMPREGNATE ME!! But, fuck that bitch, I have an IUD.
Anyway, so if she got 600 votes in her first election and 900 in her second, then despite what Mitt Romney said, she didn't get as many votes in two elections as Joe Biden got in Iowa.

MOE: Hahaha oh Mitt Romney, please watch him now in this clip I made of that speech — well actually I had Nick McGlynn make it, thank you Nick — but I sat through the speech for the purpose of conveying in 42 seconds how insane it was. And I was pretty sure that crap about Biden getting fewer votes was, in Noonan parlance, "bullshit" but thanks for that.

MEGAN: I heard that and I was like... yeah, there's no way that's true. I used up 90 percent of my internet connection Wednesday night proving it.

MOE: Yeah, the thing that sucks about these Republicans is that they don't care if you fact-check them. I really wish Plouffe or whoever could just get up and say something equally outrageous and blasphemous like…hold on…like how about, "Sarah Palin ran a town that is smaller than many high schools!" Oh wait, that's true, hm, or like, what about "Sarah Palin's fiscally conservative policies managed to sink that tiny little town into enough debt to buy a brand-new Prius for every household in it TOO BAD HER HUSBAND IS THE TOOL OF ALL THOSE STUPID OIL COMPANIES." Ughhhhhh but that would also be true I think!

MEGAN: Oh, shit, another convention story I meant to mention: I met David Gregory in a Starbucks. He's replacing Matthews and Olbermann as anchors. Only, back at Wonkette (now erased in this server migration), I posted this video of him dancing to Mary J. and my friend Eric Brewer tracked him to a video of Obama dancing on Ellen and he had a poll about who was better and Gregory won. So, I was like, hey, so, like, I did this video of you and Obama dancing and he was like, oh, I totally saw that. And then I blushed and got totally awkies.

MOE: Well in lieu of lending credence to the scurrilous rumor I heard about Palin's heroic son in the Army I am going to ask you if you read today's Filkins piece in the Times Magazine about how Pakistan has turned into the Minneapolis of the Terrorist Convention and part of that is flaky Benazir Bhutto's fault for thinking it was a good idea to arm the mujahadeen back when we also thought that was a good idea, oh and did we mention history and that repeating itself thing, as comforting as it is to know that people make the same stupid mistakes and repeat all the same fuckups even in places where the average citizen doesn't consume a metric tonne of alcohol every month, it is not very comforting at all actually. Here it is. Obama was good on this issue the other night with O'Reilly, incidentally, not that O'Reilly had any idea.

MEGAN: I keep meaning to watch the O'Reilly shit, but my parents don't have cable. Anyways, anyone who elects Zadari deserves what they get, sort of like how I feel the overwhelming majority of people who either voted in GWB for a second term or — more likely — didn't fucking bother to vote better not now be bitching about their adjustable rate mortgage, I tell you what. Even people in Pakistan know he's a Thaksin-level corrupt asshat — and they probably have some idea who the fuck Thaksin is, too. Also, I object to the assertion that I consume a metric tonne of alcohol a month. That's why I mostly drink wine and hard liquor, to keep the tonnage down.

MOE: Oh god yeah Thailand, we could discuss that too, and Freddie and Fannie, THE NIGHT COULD LAST FOREVER. But what's hot right now? I thought the Times magazine story by Frum on Republicans and income inequality was interesting, if namely for its incongruity following a week during which the proverbial Bullshit, as Janice Min so eloquently pointed out, triumphed so decisively over Shit That Actually Matters.

MEGAN: Wait, income inequality? Get yourself some fucking bootstraps, yo. Does anyone even fucking know what bootstraps are?

MOE: Whoa, the origins of all the Palin kid names! Turns out that taken together they all come together to mean "CANNY ATTEMPTS TO DEFLECT OBVIOUS CORPORATE BEHOLDENNESS BY INGRATIATING SELVES TO NATURE FETISHIZING IDIOCRACY" or just "FLAGRANT POLITICKING RIGHT FROM THE START." Fuck I somehow didn't realize Sarah Palin married Todd because she was knocked up. That is so rouge cou.

MEGAN: I mean, it's like a month, tops that they knew. Chances are, like other super-Catholic friends of mine, they boned a little early and found out a couple weeks after the wedding regardless.

MOE: Nah nah Track was born eight months after they eloped "to save money." I dunno, it's funny. God, who gets pregnant the first time they have sex? Well, I have a friend whose parents did, but how crazy. Oh man it's getting late though I guess. And there's still so much! Damn the weekend for being over.

MEGAN: Well, luckily, I opened a magnum of wine! I got plenty of time!

MOE: Ok i'm getting another beer. Dogfish 90 minute IPA, not that they're sponsoring me. Not that i would LET THEM.

MEGAN: I've got a Yellowtail Cabernet. I am not going to pretend if a winery wanted to sponsor my blogging I would deny them the opportunity, but I would rather it be something non-corporate like Guglielmo or Hecker Pass, two of my favorite family wineries.

MOE: Ugh are we too far-gone — and too far down on the moral authority pay grade — to weigh in on Biden's belief that life begins at conception? Because personally I am inclined to say "well sure it does, so what" but you all know how paranoid I am about seeming "flip."

MEGAN: I mean, Biden's a Catholic, that's the party line, right? I just don't buy that. I don't believe it in the slightest. I'm not sure I believe in a soul. Potential life? Ok, maybe, but all evidence is that plenty of potential lives are ejected regularly from women's bodies. I just... I just don't buy that a zygote is A Life.

MOE: Right, well the "soul" is a different matter. As I think we might have discussed before, there's a genuine debate within the believers in souls as to how a soul could be formed at conception, then split into two separate souls two weeks later. Anyway "Life" …bacteria is life. Now human life is more important than animal life, but ughhhh if embryo life or fetus life was as precious as regular fully formed human life you would think there would be a huge public health campaign to finally put an end to the mysterious plague that silently kills as many as one in four humans before they even have the chance to get heartbeats! But there is not. And now I am tired.

MEGAN: My sister's fiancé was just asking when I was going to bed. I could stop drinking and try that out.

MOE: Yeah this is the longest Crappy Hour ever already I think. I've been drinking really slow and am still tired and I think that is a sign.

MEGAN: Ok, so, I'll check you at an abortion-esque ungodly hour on Tuesday.

MOE: Oh, but that David Gregory story was awesome.

MEGAN: There's nothing like embarrassing oneself in a Starbucks full of Republicans to make embarrassing oneself on the Internet seem totes minor.

According to Star
-Jennifer Aniston is writing a tell-all book about herself, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie. Advance: $5 million. Source: "literary expert".
-In the hypothetical book Jennifer will address her crush on David Schwimmer, how Lisa Kudrow is the"consummate professional," and, of course, "Brad, Brad, Brad."

-Writing about Brad, Brad, Brad "would be cathartic," says Jen's "pal," which is a word we've heard applied to another famous scorned woman memoir, Nora Ephron's Heartburn.

This, of course, brings us to The New York Observer, which runs two book reviews of Carl Bernstein's new tell-all about Hillary Clinton; reviews written by (happily!) married couple Ana Marie Cox and Chris Lehmann. According to Ana and Chris:
-The book includes information on Bill, Monica, and the 79 other women he bedded.
-Hillary wore a prom dress that apparently reflected her "developing perfectionism."
-The Clintons apparently "have some kind of partnership," which we'd like to note is also a term often used to describe a certain other globe-trotting, "It Takes A Village"-loving couple.

Anyway, we'll just say that the Observer pieces are not as interesting as a more straightforward Washington Post review we read on the Clinton book. So, to make our post a little more exciting [Too late! -Ed.], we called in an intern to figure out whether all this was preordained by the stars, as Hillary Clinton, by virtue of Methodist beliefs that are really not much different from astrology, believes. And after running some complex algorithms given the following star-sign information:

Carl-Aquarius
Nora -Taurus
Bill-Leo
Hillary-Scorpio
Jen-Aquarius
Angelina-Gemini
Gennifer Flowers-Aquarius
Monica-Leo

... we determined the secret hidden message of today's Midweek Madness: No one is paying close enough attention to their horoscopes! In fact, the only remotely compatible couple in this whole bunch is Bill and Angelina. Midweek Madness eagerly awaits!

Hell Hath No Fury [NY Observer]
Related: Books Paint Critical Portraits Of Clinton [Washington Post]