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Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
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Ulookinatmyjunk, JOC
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Madonna's Dating Jesus

Next on Jerry Springer.

Sidenote: Is Ciroc any good?
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morninggloria
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
This is really terrible, and I deserve to be soundly rapped in the knuckles with a 12 inch ruler for saying this, but whenever celebrity couples are super obnoxious during their romance, promenading around together holding hands and making googly eyes during promotional interviews and trying to dispense romantic advice to the general population as though their three month romance garners them sagely wisdom and PhD's in Loveology, I can't help but chuckle gleefully when they break up/divorce.

Ahem. Jennifer Lopez.
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la.donna.pietra
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Okay. So does one sprinkle the crack on the toast? Mix it with butter? Jam? Or is the crack on the side? Or does one sprinkle the crack on the bread and then toast it in the toaster oven, a la Texas toast?

Inquiring minds want to know. They also want some toast.
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rmric0.wedding.photographer.and.manny
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Ummmm... based on Rock Band? WTF
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angryblackgurl
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
But I thought that Diddy was "King"??? Guess not huh....
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
You know what, David Mamet? Shut the fuck up.
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Eeva
12/29/08

@braak: Why?
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braak: You are, as usual, completely correct.
12/29/08

@Eeva: Because if he was so concerned about what women have to do in show business, why doesn't he just write some better parts for them?

Also, why did he divorce Lindsay Crouse, who is a fantastic actress, so that he could marry Rebecca Pidgeon and put her in all of his movies, even though she is terrible and boring?

He is disingenuous. Also, he says a lot of other dumb crap, in order to explain why he's not a liberal anymore (despite the fact that the explanation is simple: now he's rich, and doesn't want to pay taxes).
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BeAgrestic
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
OK, I wouldn't want to spray tan a naked Heather Mills either, but isn't working "unreasonable hours" and being asked to do semi-irrational things par for the course in terms of being a personal assistant to one of the richest famewhores ever?

I could see suing over back pay, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
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linnyt is a walking cliché
12/29/08

@BeAgrestic: she was a nanny, not a personal assistant. she takes care of the kid, not that parent.
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BeAgrestic
12/29/08

@linnyt: ohhhhh, that makes sense.
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theCrippleCricket
12/29/08

@BeAgrestic: Technically, I think since Mills is qualifying as "cripple" being, you know, without-leg, her personal assistant should have realized she might be doing some strange, occasionally intimate things to help her boss. And when that boss is disabled -and- Heather Mills, I think that gets multiplied by like four thousand.
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linnyt is a walking cliché
12/29/08

@theCrippleCricket: I don't know. She was on that dancing show, so she obviously can take care of things. I don't use my legs for tanning or blow drying my hair anyway.
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deitybox
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
I've taken up chanting to ward off Kanye West's music.
And fuck David Mamet. Misogynist asshole.

"Crack and toast" made me think of Powdered Toast Man. Glad to hear he's there for Amy in her time of need.
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Aesop's Foibles. YES.
12/29/08

@deitybox: Powdered Toast Man!

"Are we clinging tenaciously to my buttocks?"
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dirtybee
12/29/08

@deitybox: I miss Ren and Stimpy.
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Majrhoulihan
12/29/08

@deitybox: I take it you've read/seen Oleanna?
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deitybox
12/29/08

@Majrhoulihan: Yes. So, so awful. I've also seen "Lake Boat," where the only character is a woman who gets turned on by getting beat up during sex. The DVD notes said that the movie was "an exploration of Mamet's considerable misogyny." Fuck him gently with a chainsaw.
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deitybox
12/29/08

@deitybox: Sorry, only female character I meant.
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Majrhoulihan
12/29/08

@deitybox: I remember being assigned Oleanna in college and really wondering what the hell the professor was getting at. You pick Oleanna over Glengarry Glen Ross? That's someone who is trying to make a point.
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onestrawplz
12/29/08

@deitybox: I interpreted Mamet's comments to be anti-misogynistic. He criticized calling women actors "actresses," because we shouldn't identify professionals based on their genitalia.

And it's true that women RARELY get cast in strong, positive roles. They're almost always portrayed as weak, or are just told to be topless (of course for the enjoyment of the menz).

Am I wrong?
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cuteasabutton
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Speaking of womb watch, god only knows why but I had a dream the other night in which they announced that Brangelina had had another set of twins! When I woke up in the morning I remembered it so vividly and was panicked by it that I did a search on teh interwebz for it! Thankfully, for all, it turned out not to be true...And I need to stop eating Quality Street chocolates in bed...
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chatterboxwriting
12/29/08

@Dr.cuteasabutton.who: I had two really weird dreams last night. One was that I was on a trivia gameshow, but in order to answer the trivia questions, you had to climb up a rope ladder to a really high platform, which would terrify me (I am not afraid of heights as long as I am on a sturdy bridge or at the top of the Empire State Building, etc. Climbing a rope ladder would kill me with fear). So, I gave up my chance at $10,000 and let my whole team down (every player had to win their $10,000 in order for the team to walk away with their money).

The second dream is that I had to go to the proctologist. While I was there, they decided to draw blood, and the phlebotomist came and stuck a plastic tube right through my skin instead of using a needle. It was weird. Luckily, I woke up before they started shoving monster-sized things up my behind!
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cuteasabutton
12/29/08

@chatterboxwriting: Awesome! Your dreams sound as weird as mine, and believe me, they get much weirder than Brangelina!
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Thank God Mariah's womb watch will continue! I figure it's just a matter of time before some tabloid manages to implant a camera in her uterus and hooks it up to the web and provides email alerts. "BREAKING! See the floodgates open and the spermatazoa race towards Mariah's eggs! Which one of the little swimmers will get there first?"
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tscheese
12/29/08

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (and the ovumlord of the rings): "This year, Mariah's favorite cervical mucus plug is a poly-knit jersey blend in a dazzling fuschia butterfly print, accessorized with glitter glue and mixed with a special blend of cotton candy body spray! Available only at Kitson. You'll be the talk of the town when your water bursts.

...And speaking of that pesky amniotic fluid! This year, the trendiest of the trendy are replacing it with a special blend by Burberry. Will Angelina's next litter emerge from the womb in dapper plaid? STAY TUNED FOR MORE...

CELEBRITY CERVIX WATCH '09!"

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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
12/29/08

@tscheese: Our top stories tonight!
- How to spruce up an EMPTY WOMB! Cells from Jennifer Aniston's uterine lining reveal that they have taken to rearranging themselves, feng shui style, in an effort to make her empty baby oven look happier. They also play disco music on Saturday nights!

- Uterine recipes! Martha Stewart stops by to turn Scarlett Johansson's sloughed off ova into a delicious frittata!

- Eggy inspiration! Alanis Morissette takes the inspirational angst and cramping of her latest menstrual cycle to pen her new album, I Thought My Eggs Loved Me.
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chatterboxwriting
12/29/08

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (and the ovumlord of the rings): @tscheese: Those were both great. Now I don't know which one to nominate for COTD.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
12/29/08

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (and the ovumlord of the rings): The Running Man seemed like fiction once, too.
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tscheese
12/29/08

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (and the ovumlord of the rings):" -Exclusive new investigative report that may shock you: what are your oviducts doing online when you're not looking? Fallopian folly: they're not a truck, but rather a series of tubes!

-Heartbroken eggs come out of their shells to share their crippling stories of sperm rejection! "He was such a good swimmer," recalls one source, who prefers to remain anonymous, "but in the end, he just couldn't conceive of hooking up with me." Are you unwittingly dumping these poor, unloved ova on a cyclical basis? The answer may have you walking on eggshells!

-Umbilical cords go wireless with the hottest new technology!"
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
12/29/08

@tscheese:
- Tampons or pads? Unfertilized eggs speak out! 87% say that they appreciate the way the tampon plays rough. "I like a feminine hygiene device that's not afraid to show me who's boss," says Olivia Ova. But Ellie Egg is part of the 13% who maintain that tampons are just "another phallic fascist device designed to put me in my place, as I am the ultimate symbol of womanhood." Ellie Egg also declares that pads are really the best place for an overnight stay. "When my woman goes to sleep and I slip out overnight and don't get disposed of for 6-8 hours, I mean really, wouldn't you prefer to be on a soft, pillowy maxi pad rather than an an invasive tampon?"
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TheFormerJuneBronson
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
I bet Tom Cruise has lots of interests. Interesting interests. Which, if he discussed them more specifically, we'd all be so enthralled that he'd never get any peace. We don't want that.

Emma Watson: Feel absurd no more. Mail me a check. Just one month of interest. It's like nothing to you. Help for you and people like you is out there.
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MadFab
12/29/08

@TheFormerJuneBronson: Such an interesting monster, too. My stars, if an interesting monster can't have an interesting hairdo, then I don't know what things are coming to. In my business you meet so many interesting people - Bobby pins, please - but the most interersting ones are the monsters. Oh, dear, that will never stay. We'll just have to have a permanemanent.
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Pocahaunted
12/29/08

@MadFab: I am surprisingly surprised that Tom Cruise has such interesting interests.
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tscheese
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Oh my god! Some celebrities are not pregnant! THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
12/29/08

@tscheese: NO! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT! THEY ARE ALL PREGNANT, RIGHT DOWN TO CLORIS LEACHMAN!
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tscheese
12/29/08

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (and the ovumlord of the rings): MAYBE THAT IS WHY KANYE WEST IS CHANTING! HE IS SOOTHING HIS FETUS! THAT HE IS GESTATING!
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BeAgrestic
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
The City is fake?! What? You mean I can't just wander into DVF and get a job doing something fashion related?

Crazy.

Also, I've decided to stop watching anything Hills related in 2009.
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stacyinbean
12/29/08

@BeAgrestic: I did it in 2008, I will tell you it is spiritually freeing in a sense I never imagined.
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Aphasia (PillBoxTales)
12/29/08

BeAgrestic: Does that include the Soup? I need my Friday night Joel fix! Seriously, that's the only time I ever see anything remotely Hills related.
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BeAgrestic
12/29/08

@Aphasia: Of course not! I could watch Joel hate on the Hills every day for the rest of my life.
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cuteasabutton
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Emma Watson, if you have no use for your £10 million, I would certainly appreciate a donation towards my phone, electricity and heating bills. Thx.
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alouette
12/29/08

@Cuteasabutton hearts Caleb Followill: Those are the really complicated, Oscar-worthy performances.
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alouette
12/29/08

@alouette: D'oh! How did that comment end up down here ?
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Khrushchev
12/29/08

In reply to Heather Mills: Sued For Spray Tan
Well, thanks for doing your part to buck the system, David Mamet.

In Mamet-related news, it's fun to know how much Jeremy Piven's former co-stars totally hate him now: [www.nytimes.com]
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