Christian Teen Would Rather Drop Out of Big Race Than Wear Number 666

A Kentucky high school runner recently cut her season short when she opted not to run in regionals. She wasn't injured, or sick, or tending to a family emergency. No, she dropped out of the race because she was assigned the number 666 and thought that if she ran wearing that number, it would threaten her relationship… »11/06/13 3:30pm11/06/13 3:30pm


Senator Wants to Force New Immigrants to Speak English USA! USA! USA!

Florida Senator and varsity-level combover artist Marco Rubio has taken a break from his busy schedule of practicing "I'm Very Concerned" facial expressions in a mirror to introduce proposed changes to immigration reform legislation that would strengthen the requirement that aspirant US citizens demonstrate… »6/11/13 12:30pm6/11/13 12:30pm

Americans Way More Interested in Paul Ryan's Naked, Heaving Chest Than His Budget

Every computer using human needs another human who has agreed to delete their Google search history in the event of their untimely death. Unfortunately for the American public, however, while we're all still alive, there are analysts busily receiving our collective search engine data and trying to figure out what the… »10/22/12 7:10pm10/22/12 7:10pm