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american titocracy
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American Titocracy
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american titocracy
Open Source Boob Project: The True Story Of One Epic Day Nerds Groped Free
When people first started imploring us to weigh in on the Open Source Boob Project we had this scary image of a website featuring a picture of a pair of fake tits that registered computer programmers could modify and reshape and manipulate with nanotechnology or whatever else until the resultant pair of tits reflected the internet's consensus of the ideal pair of boobs. (The consensus would, of course, change and grow over time, reflecting an anthropological study in the ever-changing depiction of breasts in the media, anime and videogames; that's how the project would get academic funding.) Anyway: why did I give the geeks so much credit? The Open Source Boob Project was actually just a consensual gropeathon that went down at PenguiCon, which is, naturally, a science fiction convention, though its genesis happened at ConFusion, another science fiction convention, when one geek, probably inspired by a booth babe, said to another geek: More »
international titocracy
Meet Gonzalo Otalora, The Robin Hood Of Ugly People
I was a little skeptical when I first read about Gonzalo Otalora, a Argentinian advocate for the ugly and bestselling author of the book Feosexual, a book that, among other things, advocates taxing the attractive to help reconcile the opportunity gap that persists in rewarding the symmetrically featured with money, influence and happiness and shitting all over the dreams of the uglies. And not because his logic is somewhat screwy: "If they spend money on diets, gyms, anti-wrinkle creams and plastic surgery, surely we can wheedle even more money out of them and donate it to the ugly among us. We, the unattractive, won't squander that money because we're not compulsive consumers." (Haha, yeah, spoken like a dude.) But because the photo circulating everywhere of Mr. Otalora, taken in his pimply adolescence, is kind of cute. It shows potential. Is he just another pretty person pretending to be ugly to differentiate himself from all the "book hot" people pretending to be truly hot in the name of spreading their important humanistic messages? More »
the bushnell administration
Maybe It's Time To Stop Hating On America's Scary Sadshaws
When I began conceiving of Jezebel, one of the first "Don'ts" on my list concerned one Julia Allison, sex columnist, media figure and self-promoter extraordinaire. Not only was Julia amply covered by Jezebel's big brother site Gawker, to me, she represented everything that was wrong with young women in the 00's. Called "Scary Sadshaws" by former Gawker editor Emily Gould, these ladies worship at the altar of Manolo Blahnik, regard writer Candace Bushnell as some sort of saint, and, of course, take instruction from a certain HBO series that bore no similarity to how life is lived by the majority of single women. Scary Sadshaws are NYC's version of the stars of Girls Gone Wild, except that Patrick McMullan is their Joe Francis, and they substitute luxury goods for bare breasts. In my mind, they were not only ruining New York, but ruining what it means to be a serious young woman with ambition in the turn-of-the-century America. They were ruining everything for all of us. More »
american titocracy
How Did We Go From Riot Grrrls To Girls Gone Wild?
In yesterday's Los Angeles Times, depression diarist turned Yale law student Elizabeth Wurtzel lamented the failure of feminism in the aughts. In her typically rambling-though-insightful style, Wurtzel careened from the Spitzer scandal to Girls Gone Wild to Entourage, concluding that women are still "left choosing between, yet again, the madonna or the whore." In today's paper however, gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer rebuts Wurtzel, reminding her that, "suggesting that feminism has failed because it hasn't eradicated misogyny is like complaining that the Civil War was for naught because racism still endures." Although Schwyzer makes a good point (and calls out Wurtzel's ever-present self-absorption), the Prozac Nation author's op-ed did get me thinking - just how did we get from the riot grrls of the early 90s to the Girls Gone Wild?Or rather, when did female sexual emancipation become not about pleasing ourselves, but about pleasing men? More »
Virginia Is For Covers
Horrors! We are living in a country where adults going to strip bars might actually see nipples. That's why Delegate John A. Cosgrove has sponsored a bill in Virginia to get pasties on topless dancers. The legislation, which goes into effect in July, says a business can have its mixed-beverage license suspended or revoked if there is "entertainment commonly called stripteasing, topless entertaining, or entertainment that has employees who are not clad both above and below the waist." Actually, the law already exists and has been around for a while, but authorities did not enforce it and club owners knew they could get away with having totally topless dancers. But thanks to Mr. Cosgrove — and tax dollars — we'll never have to worry about bare areolas in Virgina again. [Reason.com]
Horrors! We are living in a country where adults going to strip bars might actually see nipples. That's why Delegate John A. Cosgrove has sponsored a bill in Virginia to get pasties on topless dancers. The legislation, which goes into effect in July, says a business can have its mixed-beverage license suspended or revoked if there is "entertainment commonly called stripteasing, topless entertaining, or entertainment that has employees who are not clad both above and below the waist." Actually, the law already exists and has been around for a while, but authorities did not enforce it and club owners knew they could get away with having totally topless dancers. But thanks to Mr. Cosgrove — and tax dollars — we'll never have to worry about bare areolas in Virgina again. [Reason.com]
international titocracy
"Plump But Not Fat" For China Looks Kinda Ana To Us
In preparation for the Olympics, the Chinese government is hiring female college students to serve as "ambassadors" from each of its major cities. Would you believe appearance is apparently factoring into the hiring decisions? And it's gotten competitive: in an effort to make sure its city is remembered for the most attractive girls, Shanghai officials established a list of VERY WEIRD STRICT appearance guidelines as to who ought to be hired for the job. Recruiters were instructed to seek out girls with "elastic skin" and a "ruddy and shiny complexion." (Re the "ruddy" part =I guess they're still supposed to pretend they like, revere peasants or something in China? Jezebel Sinophiles, do you know?) Much much weirder, the rules included strict ratios governing almost all the proportions of the face, and the posession of a "plump but not fat body." More »
american titocracy
Dolly Parton Blames Tits For Postponing Tour, But Is An Eating Disorder To Blame?
"If somebody asks me point-blank, 'Have you had plastic surgery?' it's like, well, duh," Dolly Parton tells the latest issue of Ladies Home Journal in an interview tied to the concert tour she just canceled on account of her breasts. Prescient, no? The magazine doesn't say much about Dolly's new album, Backwoods Barbie, choosing instead to spend approximately 2,398 words on her breasts (which she nicknamed "shock" and "awe.") "They do seem like public property in a way. They served me well — I don't know if I'm supporting them or they're supporting me. I've always had nice ones but of course I've had 'em jacked up a bit...I'll never graduate from collagen." But her ever-eroding frame may have trouble accomodating such a heaving bosom: though she tells the writer she's trying to gain weight, she passes up fajitas and nachos in favor of a single sour candy and looks so thin she "couldn't arm wrestle an Olsen twin," according to the writer. More »
help wanted
Hate Your Well-Paying, High-Profile Job? Be A Jezebel Career Mentor!
When women hop jobs on Wall Street, they're much more likely to maintain their "star power" than men, a Harvard Business School study recently found. The reason was obvious, yet interesting: while men tend to achieve their standing by kissing ass within their respective firms, women look outside their firms to build their networks, in hopes of becoming the types of employees who are indispensable regardless of office politics, secure in their expertise no matter what the internal situation at the office. It totally makes sense; anyone who's ever worked in a male-dominated workplace knows it's usually a waste of time to try and become "one of the guys" when you can keep out of the bullshit and harmlessly flirt with clients instead. And without further ado, well...we're looking for someone who's learned some of these lessons — maybe even the "hard way" — to be our career advice columnist. We're not looking for writers so much as we're looking for a woman who has achieved some modicum of success in a professional field and is searching for an honest outlet to (anonymously) dispense some of her wisdom. More »
american titocracy
The CREEP Behind Citizens United Not Timid
We've gotten a lot of tips about Citizens United Not Timid, the new 527 organization founded by veteran Republican strategist Roger Stone to "educate the American Public about what Hillary Clinton really is." Here's that name again. Citizens United Not Timid. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, right? Lucky for us the organization will be printing T-shirts. (And doing literally nothing else.) Well, Stone probably finds it funnier than you do, as a veteran of Nixon's 1972 Committee to Re-Elect the President (CREEP). But it reminded me of an old Esquire story, "Hillary Clinton Has A Sexy Mouth," written in 1999 by Tom Junod:I was flying to upstate New York to see Hillary Clinton when I heard the Hillary joke. I had a window seat. I was reading a magazine article about her when the man next to me leaned in to my ear and in a loud, plain whisper said, "What's the Hillary Clinton KFC special?"More »
I put the magazine in my lap. "Okay," I said. "I give up. What is it?"
snap judgments
Miss America Contestants Continue To Shock & Awe Us With Their "Talents"
The Miss America preliminaries continued today, with another batch of girls performing their talents for whoever the hell judges these things. Alas, there was no baton-twirling. Or Marie Osmond-esque doll-dancing. But there was a whole lotta other kinds of dancing (and if you ask us, a lot of it looked like stripping. In pointe shoes.) Dodai and I continue to comment on this year's contestants in an annotated gallery that begins after the jump.More »
snap judgments
Miss America Contestants Stun Us With Their "Talents"
Unlike previous incarnations, the 2008 Miss America Pageant, taking place this Saturday night, is going to be more "modern" (read: less middle-aged lady makeup, more spunk), or so says Ugly Betty's Michael Urie of TLC's Miss America: Reality Check. But holy shit: Judging from the photos of the young women "performing" (and yes, thank you Lord, there is baton-twirling!) in the preliminary competitions in Vegas today, it doesn't look like much progress has been made. A gallery of the pageant contestants (and did I mention the baton-twirling?!), accompanied by the musings of both myself and Dodai, begins after the jump. More »
bitey queens
We were not disposed to really liking or caring about Kumari Fulbright, that beauty queen and Arizona law student cum ALLEGED sadistic kidnapper and torturer of her ex-boyfriend. I mean, I don't care how much of a loser he was, or how much jewelry she says he took from her, or whether she was high on meth and PCP or deranged or whatevs, you don't allegedly tie someone to a chair, point guns at him and stick a butcher knife in his ear without being a bad person. Still, you know, we've been reserving judgment. Due process etc. etc. Until now. It's funny how sometimes, all it takes to solidify that sort of judgment in your head about something is a really simple, everyday gesture, like a Facebook reply to a message from a friendly blogger stalker. In this case, the blogger in question was Abovethelaw's David Lat, and Kumari's answer is just the sort of thing you'd expect from...someone utterly devoid of a conscience. (And also: a brain.)
More »
Sadistic Beauty Queen Kumari Fulbright: Now Also A Bigot
We were not disposed to really liking or caring about Kumari Fulbright, that beauty queen and Arizona law student cum ALLEGED sadistic kidnapper and torturer of her ex-boyfriend. I mean, I don't care how much of a loser he was, or how much jewelry she says he took from her, or whether she was high on meth and PCP or deranged or whatevs, you don't allegedly tie someone to a chair, point guns at him and stick a butcher knife in his ear without being a bad person. Still, you know, we've been reserving judgment. Due process etc. etc. Until now. It's funny how sometimes, all it takes to solidify that sort of judgment in your head about something is a really simple, everyday gesture, like a Facebook reply to a message from a friendly blogger stalker. In this case, the blogger in question was Abovethelaw's David Lat, and Kumari's answer is just the sort of thing you'd expect from...someone utterly devoid of a conscience. (And also: a brain.)
More »
saline solutions
Fake Titstimonials: We Asked, You Answered
Today's New York Times Thursday Styles follows up its story about possibly narcissistic kids with one about narcissistic women, or rather, how breast implants, unlike diamonds, won't last forever. (Yes, we know that not all breast implant recipients are narcissists.) Dr. Linda Huang, a Denver plastic surgeon, charges $5,000 to remove implants and roughly $7,500 to replace old ones and snarks, "If they would rather spend their money on a trip to Paris than on me, then I recommend they do not have breast augmentation to begin with." The Times story reminded us of a post from the other day, on which many readers admitted to riding the silicone wave. "I got fake tits last year to correct their asymmetry [and] I feel heaps better now that I am symmetrical. I have silicone gel implants and while they are harder than natural, they aren't rocks. Just 'firm,'" said one commenter. Said another: "I had that condition where your boobs are more long than round (my Dr. said aprox 20% of women have it) and part of getting it corrected entailed getting fake boobs put in. Did wonders for my self esteem & body image, no regrets whatsoever." More »
young folks
Kids Today: More Narcissistic Than Ever? I Know, It's A Tough One...
Is the younger generation more narcissistic than we are? Well YEAHDUH, but here's something kind of interesting! See, two scholars are engaged in a hot dispute as to whether all the MySpace/Flickr/tumblr/silvr/U.S.AmericanTopModelChefFifthGrader shit actually causes people to be more self-obsessed. The champion of the conventional wisdom is a San Diego State psychologist who wrote a book called Generation Me and is working on another called the Narcissism Epidemic. But now a University of Western Ontario psychologist is about to publish research that suggests the youngs no more narcissistic than any of the generations that preceded them. Wait, is it kinda funny that the anti-narcissism epidemic side comes from Canada and the Generation Me author is in Southern California? A Yale professor thinks so, telling the New York Times that "exaggerated beliefs in social decline are widespread — largely because people tend to mistake changes in themselves for changes in the external world." So people who study narcissism tend to be narcissists? Crazy! But moreover, it's bigger than that: More »
mountains from mole-hills
Heidi Montag Explains What It's Really Like Having Breast Implants
There is much we didn't know about Heidi Montag that we learned in the February Maxim (i.e. this re her album "I'm taking my time to make sure it's a classic....I want to be like Michael Jackson, Madonna, Stevie Wonder — all the greats.") But the most interesting revelation was surely this quote, re how breast implants have changed sex with (EWWW) Spencer:I get a better ab workout now because it's like there are two weights on my chest. That makes it both easier and harder.Ha ha, harder, such a comedienne, Heid! But seriously, this story made me realize that I'd never actually put myself in Heidi's tits before. What's it like to have the country's new most popular cosmetic surgery. Is it an around-the-clock abdominal workout? Did you know that it doesn't necessarily ruin your chances of breast-feeding? No really, Brooke Burke allegedly does it! More »
democrazy in action
If You Go To Work For American Apparel, Can You Really Expect Dov Charney To Wear Clothes?
Just when you thought a day could not pass without a post on American Apparel, the best worst company in America, we get this alarming tidbit courtesy the New York Post: one of the sexual harassment cases against chronic masturbating abusive perv-with-a-heart-of-gold-lame-leggings American Apparel founder/CEO Dov Charney is going to trial. Tomorrow! Former sales manager and aggressive in-line skater Mary Nelson accuses Dov of attending a sales meeting wearing nothing but a "cock sock." Do you go to work for Dov Charney expecting him to wear clothes to meetings? Nevermind, that! The news here is that Dov Charney is so morally certain he is entitled to run his company however like a corporate embodiment of a Vice Magazine coffee table book he wants that he is eschewing the easy way out to take his case before a jury. Knowing a little bit about the case from when it was filed in 2005 — briefly, considering it's American Apparel we're talking about here, the plaintiff's story isn't that salacious — I thought I'd check back in on its progress since... More »
a touch of class
