On Giving Money to Child Beggars
Here’s a tough question: When you’re traveling abroad and a child begs for change, what do you do?
School Cancels 'Covered Girl Challenge' Meant To Combat Stereotypes
A Mason, Ohio school has cancelled their “Covered Girl Challenge.” The event, organized by Mason High School’s Muslim Student Association, invited fellow students to wear a headscarf for the day in order to “combat stereotypes students may face when wearing head coverings.”
A Hundred Years of Testimonies to Ketchup's Supremacy
The recently announced merger of Heinz and Kraft has prompted some to declare ketchup "a comfort food for people who never aged past wearing disposable pants, using fat pencils and shoving their dirty fists in their mouths." Jeb Lund, normally a quick-witted sage, has turned full-blown troll extraordinaire in this…
TX State Rep Asks Muslims to Renounce Terrorism, Pledge US Allegiance
Meet Molly White, the freshman representative from Texas who carries "rubber fetuses of different sizes in her car" to remind her—and I guess, anyone who gets in her car—of the dangers of abortion, and who is making news again because of a thoughtful message (via the Texas Tribune) she has for the Muslim community in…
White People Not Thrilled About a Non-White Majority America
The news that white people will no longer be the majority in America by the year 2050 has been out for some time now. But as we inch closer to the day when people of color will be the physical majority (I'm not too optimistic about institutional power), and the inevitable CNN scare graphics and Fox News on-air…
USA, USA: This Pizza Cake Will Give You a Heart Attack and Diabetes
Welcome to America, land of dreams and opportunity and the only place where someone decided that it would be a good idea to make a cake out of pizza. Because just regular pizza isn't enough. It's broken. You need to fix it so that each bite threatens to give you a stroke. Because what good is dinner if it's not…
America's Ugliest Accent, Round One: Boston, Baltimore, L.A., Chicago
If you're from Philadelphia, your preferred non-Yuengling beverage is wooder. If you're from New York City, your greatest enemies are the bridge-and-tunnel crowd from Lawng Island. If you're from Los Angeles, you respond to people who hop on the 405 at rush hour with a pained "Whyy-ee?"
Even the Waffle House Is Hopping on The World Cup Bandwagon
Sorry, Ann Coulter: Enthusiasm for the World Cup has spread so thoroughly across America that even the most Red State of breakfast institutions — the damn Waffle House — is currently calling for a boycott of Belgian waffles, in support of Team U.S.A.
These Are America's Most Stressed Out Cities
Basing their data on "commute times, hours worked, crime, unemployment and more," CNNMoney has released a list of America's most stressed out cities, Did your hometown make the cut? LOOK FOR YOURSELF. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
Everyone Taunts a Muslim Woman At 'Ugly' Conservative Benghazi Panel
How's this for a Downworthy headline? Earlier this week, the conservative Heritage Foundation sponsored a panel discussion on #Benghazi and a Muslim woman wearing a headscarf asked the panelists a question. What happened next will truly fulfill every negative conservative stereotype you can imagine.
A County-by-County Map of America's Ethnic Roots
The Washington Post has come out with a map that shows the dominant racial ancestry in the United States' 3144 counties. Some results are not surprising: Did you know that there are a lot of Irish people in Boston? It's not a surprise to see African Americans dominate the South and Mexicans dominate the border…
The Most Disturbing Image From Coachella You Will See Today
This is everything that is wrong with everything.
1 in 10 Americans Believe HTML is an STD. LOL. We're Dummies.
News flash: Americans tend to be idiots about a lot of stuff — global warming, vaccines, not standing on the left side of the goddamn escalator. The latest thing about which a surprising number of us are idiots is on what familiar internet terms mean. Because many Americans are old.
Kale vs. Broccoli: How to Get Americans to Eat Their Vegetables
In Sunday’s New York Times Magazine, reporter Michael Moss wrote about obnoxiously named Boulder ad agency Victor & Spoils creating a mock ad campaign for broccoli.
A must-read: "The Changing Face of America," by Lise Funderburg, with images by Martin Schoeller.
Rush Limbaugh Has Written a Terrible Magic School Bus Rip-Off for Kids
Since Rush Limbaugh can do very little that is not worthy of immediate and unstinting public ridicule, he has gone ahead and written a children’s book about a suspiciously-named protagonist, a substitute teacher named “Rush Revere” who kidnaps some students in a time machine so he can teach them about the…
Texas Loves Teens, Cali Wants Asians: What's Your State's Fave Porn?
Can you judge a state by its PornHub keyword searches? Sure. Why not. And guess what? Right now you're probably surrounded by people into MILF massage.
Un-American Americans Are Cutting Back on Drinking Soda
America's three biggest soda companies, Coca-Cola, Pepsi and Dr. Pepper Snapple Group, have reported declining sales in the last quarter. And though it may seem that health-conscious Americans are probably opting for the diet versions of their favorite speshal juice, it's actually the diet versions of sodas that are…
British People Are Consistently Dour, Survey Suggests
Since this item comes to us trippingly off of the tongue of the Daily Mail, feel free to take it with as many grains of salt as you think is wise given your hypertension, but a new survey of 20,000 cloudy-browed Britons and sunny-side-up Americans has found that Americans are really friendly and optimistic, while…
Senator Wants to Force New Immigrants to Speak English USA! USA! USA!
Florida Senator and varsity-level combover artist Marco Rubio has taken a break from his busy schedule of practicing "I'm Very Concerned" facial expressions in a mirror to introduce proposed changes to immigration reform legislation that would strengthen the requirement that aspirant US citizens demonstrate…
