1.) Martha Stewart Vs. Rachael Ray
Last night on Nightline, Cynthia McFadden tried to stir up shit between the two women.

2.) Martha Stewart Vs. Sarah Palin
But on the red carpet this week, Martha didn't need any encouragement to talk shit on Sarah.

3.) Piper Palin Child Beauty Queen
Earlier this week, I joked that Piper Palin was wearing so much makeup for Sarah's interview with Barbara Walters that she practically looked high glitz.

Later that day, Oprah's camera crew went to Wasilla to film the Palin family at home, where Piper was wearing a crown and a sash.

4.) Mother/daughter bonding

5.) The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
It's funny 'cause it's true.

6.) Crap letter from a dude
As featured on True Life: I Can't Leave My Boyfriend. The guy later came back to her apartment when she wasn't home, and stole all of her electronics and her dog.

7.) America's Next Top Amityville Horror
ANTM aired some never-before-seen moments, and I'd rather that this one had stayed unseen.

8.) Drunk idiots
The people on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge get so stupid drunk that they always end up fighting, and subsequently kicked off the show (whichseems to be their sole source of income). Brad started in with Darrell for no reason.

And then Darrell turned Brad into Quasimodo.

9.) Sewing with Nancy
Her awkwardness makes me uncomfortable.

10.) Stomache

America's Next Top Model is…Nicole! I think this is the only cycle in which I agreed with the judges' choice 100%.


Tyra said that this is the first ever "petite" winner in Top. Model. History. Oh yeah? What about poor Eva from cycle 3? She was only 5'6.5" while Nicole is 5'7".


I have to say, though, that Laura did out-walk Nicole.


But I'm surprised that she wasn't admonished for her crazy tan lines. Tyra missed an opportunity to set an example and bestow wisdom. Those are her favorite things to do! It's like she's not the same anymore.


WTF?


And lastly, who's the jerk that pretended she wanted Teyona's autograph?

• Victoria Beckham put away her Hermes bags and Louboutins and wore shredded jeans and combat boots as she joined son Brooklyn and spent 2 days with impoverished children in Kentucky.

At the link, you can see pix of Posh hanging with schoolkids. Brooklyn is one of Save The Children's youngest celebrity advocates. Posh says: "What I saw in Clay Country was the hope and promise inherent in every child. That's why we have to make sure every single child has a fair and equal start in life. Seeing Save the Children's innovative programs in action, like encouraging healthy eating, I know that we can begin to reverse the childhood poverty crisis. I'm pleased Brooklyn is learning that by helping and joining other children he can play a role in making his generation the greatest yet." [Daily Mail]

• Taylor Swift is on the cover of the new 3D issue (?!?!) of In Style, and inside she talks about meeting Taylor Lautner on the set of Valentine's Day: "He and I have gotten really close," she says. "It would be confusing on the set with two Taylors in the same scene. They were like, 'Taylor, on your mark – no, not you, the other one!' So halfway through the shoot, I said, 'How about you guys call me Swifty and call him Taylor?'" She also says: "I've never thought it was a curse to be single, and at this point in my life, I'm in the mind-set where I choose to be single — like I got to light scented candles and write in my diary and I wouldn't have time for that if I had a boyfriend right now!" [People]
• Oprah claimed that citizens of Dubai get free water, electricity and health care without paying income tax. While it's true residents are not subject to income tax, there is no support for the other claims. Whoops! [Page Six]
• The National Enquirer is reporting that David Letterman's wife asked him to move out; his rep says the story is "wrong." And it appears that reporters from the Enquirer called Dave's mom for a statement, because they are jerks. Her comment: "I don't know anything about that." [NY Daily News]
• This one is real, not a Hortense creation: "Sombre Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look distant on a rare night out as they join A-listers at art party." [Daily Mail]
• Cops in Germany have searched a home in connection with the Cindy Crawford extortion case. The apartment might belong to Edis Kayalar, the guy who allegedly tried to get Cindy and her husband to pay him not to release a photo of their daughter bound and gagged. [TMZ]
• Vivid Entertainment is trying to buy Carrie Prejean's "erotic footage." [TMZ]
• Diddy's 40th birthday party will be a "fantasy dreamland" with fashion installations, a labyrinth, performance art and light shows. Plus a "very special" musical guest. Who could it be? [Page Six]
• Holy crap, the stills from "Video Phone," Beyoncé's video with Lady Gaga, look weird and amazing. The video should be out this week. [The Life Files]
• Mariah Carey pulled out of a performance on Brit TV show Strictly Come Dancing so she could appear on competing show X Factor. [Telegraph]
• Hayden Panettiere is producing a CW show called HMS — Harvard Medical School — which basically sounds like Grey's Anatomy Junior. [ET]
• Ryan Reynolds will be part of the NYC theatrical comedy show Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words, in which stars read humorous snippets from celebrity memoirs. Ryan will read from Kenny Loggins' The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Also reading: Rachel Dratch, Carol Kane, Sherri Shepherd, Michael Urie, and Kristen Wiig. [NY Times]
• Courteney Cox — and husband David Arquette — are looking forward to being in Scream 4. She's not sure about the plot, but imagines that: "He's probably still deputy, and I've had a lot of kids. I don't know. I'm probably miserable, and then I'm sure a lot of murdering will happen." [AP]
• Flavor Flav entered a Doritos commercial contest "randomly and unprovoked" and his spot is "pretty damn good." [Page Six]
• Sigourney Weaver has been named in a £3.1 million lawsuit over a business deal involving Vincent Longo cosmetics, of which she is a part-owner. [Daily Express]
• Eva Longoria Parker has been named Philanthropist of the Year by The Hollywood Reporter. [THR]
• Did you know that Simon Cowell has an older sister named June Cowell? And that she was a child actress? And that she has lived in Majorca for more than 30 years? You do now. [Daily Mail}
• Shayne Lamas was busted for a DUI — she says she had only one drink. [TMZ]
• Did Farrah Fawcett have a "secret lover" in her will? [Daily Express]
• Uncle Jesse John Stamos gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. [ONTD via NBC Los Angeles]
• Run, Fez, run! Wilmer Valderrrama will join a US Marine veteran on a 100-mile trek across Louisiana. [Page Six]
• If Aretha Franklin wants you to turn the air conditioning off, turn it off! Don't release voicemails and call her a diva. Jeez. [Gatecrasher]
• Hello, random: Donna Mills of Knots Landing is not a fan of Carrie Prejean. More specifically, she thinks the beauty queen should "shut her mouth." [TMZ]
• Black people: Omitted from the Couples Retreat poster in the UK. [Mail on Sunday]
• Lou Dobbs says his departure from CNN was "amicable." [NY Times]
• Yesterday in NYC, while attempting to break up a brawl at a club in Brooklyn, cops shot and killed a bouncer who had once been a bodyguard for Jay-Z, Mariah Carey and Diddy. [NY Post]
• At the link, discover how Led Zeppelin wrote "Stairway to Heaven." [NY Post]
• "I'm not moving to America, I will sometimes go there. I have to go there to make films. We do make films in England but it's more like a hobby. They're like 'Come along, we can make a film. Oh, and can you make the sandwiches?'" — Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "I'm hoping the chemistry with Ellen will be great — and a great start to the season." — American Idol's Kara DioGuardi. [Reuters]
• "In hindsight, it was a magnificent thing for both of us in the sense that we got to see, both of us, really commit to this. A lot of marriages, it might take years and years for something to befall the relationship to see what are we made of. Are we gonna stand up when the storms come? And to see that that early on was really, it was life changing for me 'cause I knew I was with somebody that was in this. They're really, really in this. And so, I wanted to be in this, too. We both just stepped up to the plate, and she followed her heart, you know, God bless her. It was all life-changing." — Keith Urban, on going into rehab four months into his marriage to Nicole Kidman. [CBS News]
• "Having Jude Law licking my face for three days solid was a surreal experience. It was for a scene in 2007's Blueberry Nights. My character had passed out on a table and Jude had to come in and kiss some cream off the corner of my mouth. We did the take over and over again, so he kissed me about 90 times. There are worse ways to spend your day." — Norah Jones. [Daily Mail]
• "My life was kind of weird. My mother would cook, but we would get looked after by lots of maids. It felt like we lived in these big, enormous houses with lots of guests." — Carey Mulligan's father was a hotel executive, so she lived in hotels while growing up. [Reuters]
• "I can't answer it. The way I write, it's what makes me happy. Like, I can't write when people are looking over my shoulder. I am a little burned out on vampires right now. I think I need a little break. I might go spend some time with my aliens. I might do something completely different. I've got to cleanse the palate. I may come back to it. I did envision it as a longer series. But I wrapped ‘Breaking Dawn' in a way that I felt satisfied with, so if that moment didn't come, I'd be OK." — Stephenie Meyer on the possibility of a fifth Twilight book. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady." — Ashlee Simpson. [People]
• "I hate doing school scenes and office scenes; I hate doing mall scenes… if I could do exciting genre films like this and be covered in blood and vomit for the rest of my life, I would be really happy." — Megan Fox. [Showbiz Spy]
• "I own the rights to (Oscar-winning Gone with the Wind co-star) Hattie McDaniel's life story, and I can't wait to tell that story, because that woman was absolutely amazing. She had to stand up to the adversity of black and white (society) at a time when we really weren't accepted. Mr. Lee Daniels is going to direct it, of course, and I'm going to be Miss Hattie McDaniel. I really hope I can do that woman justice." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I love to get on that stage, honey, and make you laugh until you pee on yourself… That's my baby. I will never stop stand-up. I will be 97 years old, with two teeth and maybe a bit of hair, and I will be on that stage hoping they're having as much (fun) as I'm having." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I feel bad for kids who are just getting famous now. If Reality Bites had come out now and I had all those people Gawker-stalking me, my life would have been hell. I feel bad for the way pop culture seems to be eating itself alive. It ends up belittling everybody."— Ethan Hawke. [NY Post]
• "When I was very young, I used to see books as the thing keeping everyone from playing with me. So there'd be long stretches in the afternoons when everyone was off in their reading corners, sprawled on couches. And I would go up to them and do this little dance to try and break their concentration, which of course they never did: ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' And of course, now I dream of having long stretches when I'll be able to read a book." — Olivia Wilde, on being the child of writers. [New York Magazine]
• "My mother was a major fashion inspiration. Though she often wore simple housecoats with penny loafers - and usually had a Pall Mall Gold in one hand and a small glass of Scotch in the other, with an empty Hellmann's mayonnaise jar full of ice water nearby to use as a chaser - she could dress up fabulous when she wanted to. In her wedding photographs she wore a perfectly tailored navy blue coat with an off-white lining that had big, hand-painted navy blue flowers. She paired it all with navy pumps and a pillbox hat with an ivory veil. My mother certainly knew how to make an impression when she wanted to, both in the way she dressed and the way she acted. I definitely inherited those strengths from her." — America's Next Top Model's Miss J, in his new book. Do click and see the lovely vintage photo of his mother. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm like, let me get through the taping of Top Model cycle 3,413… Then I'll move to phase two, but I'm thinking about a perfume for tweens." — Miss J, on what he plans to do next. [NY Daily News]

Knowing that it's all coming to an end makes one want to frown with one's eyes—or "frize." Jennifer was frizing when she learned that she would have to immediately go back to the Hawaiian mansion, pack her bags, and go home.

It confusing that she was so let down, because according to Jennifer, she doesn't usually succeed at anything.

Erin also went home, but at least they touched up her roots beforehand.

Did anyone else notice that eyebrows have totally been the theme of this cycle?

Which means that we're left with Nicole and Laura as the final two. This is good news, as Nicole does stuff like this:

And Laura says stuff like this:

More on Barbie toe.


Marisa also gave other modeling tips, like don't touch your boobs, keep your mouth closed, and pose to the side.


But just like Tyra, Marisa doesn't like it—or even realize it?—when girls are taking her direction too literally.

The tag line is — of course — "Be caught dead in it." But this is far from the first time fashion has sought to draw female customers with images of dead women.

Back in 2007, for "cycle" 8 of America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks had the cast pose as murder victims for a shoot. You can see the whole series of images here, should you want to.

But as in most things, Banks was just taking inspiration from a long-established fashion trend. Plenty of photographers have aestheticized violence. While this model in Steven Meisel's September, 2007, "Make Love Not War" spread for Vogue Italia might not be dead — yet — she's clearly pictured in the midst of a violent attack.

Is it better or worse that Steven Klein, for his part, spreads his depictions of violent death across gender lines? That's Kevin Federline, by the way.

Copyranter points to this Fall, 2006, Jimmy Choo campaign as another antecedent for the Superette images.

Not to mention this Duncan Quinn ad, which practically approaches snuff film territory.

Then there was this August, 2007, spread in W magazine, featuring model Doutzen Kroes.

Photographers Mart Alas & Marcus Piggott captured Kroes in a variety of poses that all strongly implied she had recently been the victim of violence.

You can see the rest of the creepy story at Glossed Over. So if this troubling theme isn't even original or "edgy," why are we still creating and consuming these images?

This is a Helmut Newton photograph from the early 90s.

How, as women's rights have increased and progress has been made in the West across every rubric of measurement, have we moved from fashion photography that, while still glamorizing violence, at least showed us as the ones with the guns, to an aesthetic that promotes death as the ultimate symbol of female subservience?

Dead Is The New Black, Again [Copyranter]

Guess who was the inspiration for the shoot? President Obama. Because they were in Hawai'i, Tyra wanted to do a shoot inspired by "the world's most famous hapa."


This isn't the first time that ANTM has done blackface—or had a confusing, high-concept approach to cultural awareness. For a photoshoot back in Cycle 4, the girls were each assigned a race different from their own that they were supposed to embody for a Got Milk? ad, while also holding a child. Brittany was made to be African-American.


Tatiana was "biracial."


Noelle, who is biracial in real life, was made to be "African".


Naima, who is a mix of several different ethnicities, was made to be Swedish.


And back in Cycle 2, for a shoot in which the girls had to each portray a different famous person, Xiomara was given dark makeup in order to pose as Grace Jones. I remember that she was wearing a thong, and when she got off the wall she was leaning on, she had left two distinct butt marks from her makeup. I'm sad that I can't find a picture of that anywhere.


And just when we're starting to believe all of Tyra's hype that all shapes, sizes and colors are beautiful—and eligible to compete for a useless title on this show—we learn that being short still sucks.

The episode airs tonight, but these pictures reveal that Nicole Fox, seen in the image above, has dark skin, a bone necklace and a West African-looking headwrap.

Nicole is actually a pale-skinned redhead.

Jennifer An, an Asian-American model from Philly, also appears to have had her skin darkened.

This is what Jennifer usually looks like.

This is Erin Wagner, as she appeared early in on the show — she's since received a makeover in which her eyebrows and hair were bleached.

In an image from the Maui shoot, you see she's getting some kind of textured wig, and you can clearly see the brown makeup that's being smeared on her arm.

Erin's shot from Maui is the "bi-racial" version of herself.

Since the recent issue of French Vogue features model Lara Stone in blackface, and Madonna has admitted that she did a blackface shoot, it begs the question: Is blackface somehow trendy?

Guest Contributor Minh-ha wrote on Racialicious that when women have their skin tones changed, it's what Nirmal Puwar describes as "the universal empty point" that white female bodies are able to occupy precisely because their bodies are racially unmarked: "[Thus] they can play with the assigned particularity of ethnicized dress without suffering the ‘violence of revulsion.'"

We'll have to watch tonight to hear what Tyra has to say about the concept, but as a mixed-race person, I'll admit that the pictures are interesting. It seems like it's not just blackface, but an exploration of the mixing of cultures and ethnicities, and imagining the models in different cultures. I suspect it's no coincidence that this shoot took place in Hawai'i — where those with white, Asian, black and South Pacific backgrounds have produced lots of multiracial people — and "other" or "mixed" is 23% of the population (Asian is 42%; white is 24% — a minority). There's even a word for it: hapa.

Growing up mixed, having cousins and Aunts and Uncles with all different skin tones, I've always found an attraction to — and a resonance with — people who look like they are ethnically ambiguous (or ambiguously "ethnic"?) But the problem, of course, is that race is not silver eyeshadow, a bubble skirt or couture gown. It's not something you put on for a photo shoot to seem "edgy." Race is not trendy. The thing is, fashion is a visual language; playing with colors and tones will always be something stylists and photographers gravitate towards. So is this creativity actually insensitivity?

As a black woman working in fashion, Elizabeth Gates wrote for the Daily Beast that she was not surprised by the French Vogue blackface, saying: "I would be fooling myself if I thought the draftsmen behind fashion's most beautiful things were ever going to be sensitive to race, black women, or how they represent our cultural history. In fact, I'm not exactly sure why this was a shock to anyone."

But this ANTM shoot was put together by Tyra Banks: Black model, creator, host, head judge and executive producer of the show. You'd think that she would be sensitive to racial issues. I have to assume her intent was probably to showcase bi-racial beauty. Is this a case in which the action can be forgiven if the motive comes from a good place?

Tyra Transforms The 'America's Next Top Model' Hopefuls [ET]

Earlier: Oh No They Didn't: French Vogue Does Blackface
Fashion Photographer Steven Klein Has Done Blackface Before

As always, Tyra is there to provide confusing advice that she expects the girls to follow, but not completely follow.



Kim Kardashian was the guest judge. Tyra introduced by saying, "She has her own reality show, she is the co-owner of Dash boutiques." Wouldn't it be relevant to talk a little bit more about Kim's "fashion" experience? Hasn't she actually modeled (and not just for Playboy)? Didn't she start out as a celebrity stylist? Isn't she designing a line for Bebe with her sisters? Maybe Tyra doesn't care.



BTW, Erin's eyebrow roots are coming in. It's kind of disturbing.



And now…












And my personal favorite:

Jessica did say that Nicole was her "absolutely favorite," and, aside from the erroneous use of an adverb, I agree. I love that Nicole and Laura have never parked a car before, yet they imply that they've driven. How did they stop driving, if they've never parked?


Laura's "hood rat" accent was equally entertaining and incompetent. (BTW, did you notice that the ad agency is called "Wongdoody"? Is that another name for smegma?)


Of course a woman who is into swords would also be into the word "bitchin'."


Tyra told Brittany that her top was cut too low, and could be considered "pornographic."


Is that why they ended up blurring out her chest, after this comment was made?

First of all, when you have a crazy woman in a wig smiling at you while saying stuff that she believes is brilliant but actually makes absolutely no sense like, "Strong photo, weak film," or "What killed you in a negative way…" you'll feel a little fucked up.

Secondly:

Thirdly:

(It's extra scary when the Jabberwockies make facial expressions by using their hands!)

Also, when a giant, psychedelic snail enters the room, accompanied by a slimy man in 10 tons of makeup, things are not normal.

All of this would give anyone else a bad trip. Nicole is remarkable in that she can take this all in stride and chew her gum.

One last thing: What the fuck is up with Lil Mama's hair?

When I was in third grade I had this friend Nicole whose dad left her mom for another woman. Nicole's mom was our lunch mother and she was probably my first introduction to depression. She would sit in the playground during recess and read Harlequin novels with sexy covers, and had completely abandoned keeping up with her dye job so she had hair exactly like Lil Mama. The sad, divorced mom look is not working for her.

(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


And one of Miss J, for some luck.
(Click here if you can't see it.)

Do you want a tutorial?


How creepy are the creepy twins?


When they show up, if feels like something bad is going to happen.


Like Oompa Loompas.


And they're always together.


It's like they're conjoined. They're like the short, albino version of Lori and Dori/Reba/George.


"My main focus this week is my left eye."


"Yeah, I have this issue with my eye, but I feel really, really good."


And how about when Jay compared Bianca to a tranny, literally?

• Whoopi Goldberg on Patrick Swayze:

"Patrick was a really good man, a funny man and one to whom I owe much that I can't ever repay. I believe in Ghost's message, so he'll always be near." [Extra]

• Jennifer Grey on Patrick Swayze: "When I think of him, I think of being in his arms when we were kids, dancing, practicing the lift in the freezing lake, having a blast doing this tiny little movie we thought no one would ever see. [He was] a real cowboy with a tender heart. It was not surprising to me that the war he waged on his cancer was so courageous and dignified." [People]
• Dirty Dancing's choreographer, Kenny Ortega on Patrick Swayze: "The planet has lost a big heart. And I, a forever friend." [People]
• Twitter tributes to Patrick Swayze here. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West got a talking-to from Taylor Swift's mom backstage at the VMA awards; a source says she "tore into" him after he interrupted Taylor's speech. Additionally, it was Beyoncé's dad, Matthew Knowles, who arranged the moment in which Beyoncé gave Taylor another moment in the spotlight. [People]
• Here a source claims that the Beyoncé/Taylor Swift moment "was all Beyonce's idea. Kanye embarrassed her by bringing her name into it. She wanted to make it right." [MSNBC Scoop]
• 50 Cent on Kanye West's outburst: "We know Beyoncé's great. Nobody's confused in that area…" Fiddy also says: "I wish he would come take one of my awards so I could black his eye in front of everybody." [ONTD via Much Music]
• Did President Obama call Kanye West a jackass? All signs point to yes, but "off the record." [Politico]
• Anna Wintour went to the US Open and left with a tennis ball in her purse! [Page Six]
• Diddy caused a ruckus at post by standing in the street after a VMA party. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, Michael Jackson admits that he was on pain medication and spent A LOT of time under the influence of prescription drugs in 2003. [The Sun]
• Russell Brand and Katy Perry made out. Pass it on. [Page Six]
• Kim Cattrall spills about Sex And The City Deux: "Expect lots of fun," she says. And: "It was so much fun to relive the wild and crazy fashions of the '80s. I absolutely loved the four different looks of all of us. We were all so uniquely different that we all couldn't stop admiring our different looks. There was lots of laughing, and it was a blast! Working with the three women is so easy. I mean seven years of doing the series and the first movie and now two years later being back feels like being home. It's so much fun. There is a saying that you can't go home again but on Sex and the City, you can." [People]
• This report says that Sex And The City 2 will see Carrie pregnant; a commenter snipes: "Isn't she like 123 years old by now? And Big should be reaching 156. Why would they have a baby? I hope this isn't the case." [Gatecrasher]
• LOL: Jon Gosselin was overheard saying "please write something nice about me" at an In Touch party. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Mr. Big, aka Chris Noth, is engaged, and it's not to Carrie: Noth has proposed to partner Tara Lynn Wilson, with whom he has a 19-month-old son. [Ok!]
• If you missed Lady Gaga and date Kermit the Frog on the red carpet at the MTV Awards, there's video here. [MTV]
• Kelly Osbourne's dropped about 14 lbs. in just three weeks, thanks to insane training for Dancing With The Stars. She says: "It's so amazing, I've tried so many stupid fad diets to try to lose weight, when all I needed to do was start dancing." And: "‘I'm actually really small, I just photograph fat." [Daily Mail]
• Colin Farrell says he's psyched to have a new kid on the way: "I'm very excited man! Very! There is nothing more exciting really." [People]
• Ricky Gervais has a crush on Rob Lowe. [Mirror]
• Brittany "Bre" Scullark from America's Next Top Model was arrested in New York on Monday for picking up some woman's laptop at a Starbucks — thinking it belonged to a family member — and then cursing out the woman. [TMZ]
• "Jessica Simpson sees dog snatched by coyote and appeals for its return on Twitter (does she think the offending beast can read?)" [Daily Mail]
• Sean Penn and hot model Jessica White: Still on. [Page Six]
• The Seinfeld reunion is really an "anti-reunion." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian will appear on the new Fox sitcom Brothers, opposite Michael Strahan and Daryl "Chill" Mitchell. "Even though I'm playing myself, you kind of have to play it up a little bit," Kim says. "I always get a little bit nervous because I am new to acting and I respect it so much, so I just want to do it justice." But, um, you're playing yourself. [People]
• The scene: A VMA party. Champagne! Celebrities! Stephanie Pratt's credit card: declined. [Page Six]
• A New York theater doing The Piven Monologues, comic look at the star's case of mercury poisoning, has received a cease and desist letter from Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• Jane Fonda has penned a HuffPo essay about her letter protesting the Toronto International Film Festival's decision to showcase and celebrate Tel Aviv. She writes: "As I said in my recent blog, the greatest "re-branding" of Israel would be to celebrate that country's long standing, courageous and robust peace movement by helping to end the blockade of Gaza through negotiations with all parties to the conflict, and by stopping the expansion of West Bank settlements. That's the way to show Israel's commitment to peace, not a PR campaign." [Huffington Post]
• "It's the last leg of Eddie Izzard's 43 marathons in 51 days. How did the less than athletic comic pull off such a feat of endurance?" [BBC News]
• Home Depot will start selling Martha Stewart stuff in 2010, when her deal with K-Mart ends. [Reuters]
• The late Bea Arthur was remembered at Broadway's Majestic Theatre on Monday. [NY Post, People]
• At the Bea Arthur memorial, Rue McClanahan told a touching story in which Bea said: "Rue, I love. Betty White's a cunt." [Page Six]
• "A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [Daily Mail]
• "I think music piracy is having a dangerous effect on British music, but some really rich and successful artists like Nick Mason from Pink Floyd and Ed O'Brien from Radiohead don't seem to think so. These guys from huge bands said file sharing music is fine. It probably is fine for them. They do sell out arena tours and have the biggest Ferrari collections in the world. For new talent though, file sharing is a disaster as it's making it harder and harder for new acts to emerge. I don't think what's out there is perfect. It's stupid that kids can't buy anything on the internet without credit, forcing them to steal Mum's credit card or download illegally." — Lily Allen. [Telegraph]
• "No one was injured. In fact, the only one who seemed irritated by the whole affair was a tiny Jewish woman who kept saying, 'I don't care who is in the limo. I have somewhere to be!'" — Joan Rivers, whose limo sideswiped a bus yesterday. [Page Six]
• "I hate when celebrities make a big deal of themselves. When I talk to Diddy, I'm just like ‘Hey Sean, no big deal.'" — Jon Gosselin. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "He slapped me once but he got hit on the head three times by me… [I] was horrified he spit on me, in my face." — Whitney Houston, on Bobby Brown. [NY Daily News]

Did Bianca say "dingo" in her interview? I thought she did, but I only know "dingo" to mean "baby eater." A dingo ate her eyebrows.

So, are you ready for the freak show to begin?

At panel, Tyra said, "This competition is about stretching the size that we have naturally into the size that we don't have. We're fooling the public."

The only one she's fooling is herself if she thinks I didn't notice that she used the same exact voiceover for the two girls who got the same exact "iced out blond" Tyover.

In the photo shoot this week, the girls had to "embody themselves in a childhood photo." Tyra is embodying herself in Cycle 2. When's the last time she bared her midriff?

So, does Bloody Eyeballs have Asperger's? Because from what I know about Asperger's, based solely on ANTM, is that those afflicted are really good at modeling and really bad at relating to other people.

Isn't it great that the height chart also included Tyra's weave? Basically, all the girls needed to fall around knee cap level to be considered for this season, which stinks for those who were closer to her feet and crotch.

How much did you love Amber, the girl who loves Jesus and dances for the homeless on Saturday nights?

When I got a load of her I was like:

It just kept getting better with her. I love how she's "kind of" a virgin. I also love how her feelings for Jesus sound like my last herpes outbreak.

In fact, sometimes when she talks about Jesus, it's almost like she's talking about Tyra, too.

She made the cut.

But then she was conspicuously absent when the girls were supposed to move into their house. Jay Manuel said that Amber was forced to drop out due to "personal issues." Whatever could they be!?

So now that the awesome one is gone, we're left with gimpy…

And bloody eyeball to entertain us.

Are you scared?

Oh, and in case you didn't think this show could get any campier, how Owl and the Pussycat was Tyra's outfit?

• PETA will protest Anna Wintour, Michael Bloomberg, and the cast of Hair as they kick off Fashion's Night Out in Queens. [PETA]
• Betsey Johnson will spend tonight driving between her stores in a pink convertible, holding up big signs. [WWD]

• Rihanna wore a bag by the British label Fleet Ilya that has a shoulder pad on the strap that looks like armor. [Elle UK]
• Agent Provocateur's Soiree collection, which costs $750-$2790, includes one extra special-order piece: a black bustier embellished with studs and 2" spikes, which will cost $4900. [WSJ]
• A lace top from Rodarte's Target collection, which doesn't launch till December, sold on eBay for $10.49. [Nitrolicious]
• Narciso Rodriguez is planning an entire spring collection that will only be available for sale on the auction site. [NYPost]
• When the best the Grey Lady can say of someone is that she is "not always known for her facility for keeping her clothes on," that could be reason enough to not hire her as a creative consultant to a legendary fashion house. Didn't stop Ungaro from picking Lindsay Lohan, because, after all, like the C.E.O. said yesterday, "Odds are it could work." Then Lohan herself call up to share her love of fashion — but the only example she can give is of a motorcycle jacket, recently received, made by competing French house Balmain. [NYTimes]
• Designer Tom Ford's adaptation of Christopher Isherwood's A Single Man is being withheld from press screenings and advance sales, and Ford himself will do no interviews before its release at the Venice film festival. Sounds like it could be terrible. [Variety]
• "The higher the heel, the closer to god," says Rachel Zoe's assistant, Brad Goreski, who ought to know. [WSJ]
• Actually, we have always thought of Diane von Furstenberg as a trendsetting designer. Not just a placeholder on the Ann Taylor — Carolina Herrera continuum. [NYObs]
• Henry Holland is going to create a "young" fashion line for U.K. fast fashion retailer Debenhams. [Elle UK]
• Chanel Iman is rumored to be taking over the model-judge position on America's Next Top Model. Bit of a comedown from Vogue, no? [Fashionista]
• Alexander McQueen is going to stream his Paris show live on the Internet, for all to see! [Elle UK]
• A few pieces from Jimmy Choo for H&M are featured in British Harper's Bazaar, including the high heeled sandals we've seen before, which are priced at £79.99, or around $132. There will also be clothing (a grey suede one-shouldered dress, at £149.99 or $247, is pictured) and handbags (not pictured). A pair of black leather over-the-knee boots will come in at $350. [TFS]
• Tiffany's is suing to prevent the opening of an H&M in a Westfield mall where it is a tenant. [LATimes]
• Cintra Wilson does Comme des Garçons. [NYTimes]
• Grizzly Bear's lead singer, Edward Droste, will be at fashion week. "Fashion is fun!" he alleges. [NYObs]
• Cindy Crawford, for her part, will be staying away. "I don't like watching shows. It's like I used to be at the kids table and now they want me to sit at the grown-up table. And I'm not ready for the grown-up table yet. My friends are backstage-the hairstylists, the makeup people, the designers-and that's all happening behind the scenes." [WSJ]
• Kenley Collins met five plus-size buyers at MAGIC, and is considering producing her collection in larger sizes. "I'd rather do that than wedding dresses," says the Project Runway alum. "I fucking hated it. I'm not doing it anymore. I hate it. I'd rather slit my wrists. I did it for a year. And I'm not going back." Also Kelly Rowland's stylist wanted some samples, but Collins refused to lend them. Complaining about our customers, only making the default straight sizes, and ix-naying the celebs is exactly how we'd go about building a fashion business, if we had one! [The Cut]
• Derek Lam, whose fashion label had just entered profitability when the global financial crisis hit, has embarked on an aggressive retail expansion this year, and his first ad campaign. "We said, Let's take advantage of the fact that maybe the magazines are smaller. Your ad doesn't get lost. Contrary to what other people would say — that it's a bad time to advertise — it is setting a foundation." [WSJ]
• Similarly undaunted by the current economic environment is the Italian e-tailer Yoox, which is taking steps toward an IPO. Brazen. [WSJ]
• Mickey Drexler, the C.E.O. of J. Crew, sold 500,000 of his shares, for $16.9 million. He tops the list of executives selling company stock; the next most valuable sale was from a Microsoft exec, who dumped 70,000 shares for $1.7 million. [TS]

• Naomi Campbell: "Unfortunately, we are the same as before...People, in the panic of the recession, don't dare to put a girl of colour in their campaign, full stop. Nor of any other race. It's a shame. It's very sad." [Telegraph]

• Designer Tara Subkoff is on the mend following the removal of a benign brain tumor: speedy recovery! [NYPost]
• Let the wild rumpus begin! Hipper-than-thou retailer Opening Ceremony, no stranger to the celebrity vanity project, is carrying a line of faux furs inspired by, yes, Where the Wild Things Are. We're more inspired by the dough suit in In the Night Kitchen, personally. [W]
• Speaking of Opening Ceremony: its Tokyo store opening was predictably sparkly and Olsen-studded. [WWD]
• Apparently high-end retailers - think Tiffany and Neiman's - have taken to holding secret sales for VIPs, so as to get the biz without "diluting their brand" with vulgar door-busters. [TimesUK]
• What does Maria Sharapova like to do? "I'd probably have to say shopping and eating...I mean, I am a girl after all, and there's no better place than New York to shop." What, no chasing men with a sassy sidekick? [WWD]
• TopShop is getting into workout clothes. Because we know we like sweating in "chenille." [WWD]
• "Themes of youthful disdain and playfulness continue in Victoria Beckham's second film for her A/W 09 collection," which you can watch. We don't know about the "disdain," but it's pretty cute. [Dazed Digital]
• Sara Ziff, on her documentary Picture Me: "(T)here's a hierarchy when you pair a 45-year-old male photographer-and many of the photographers are older, heterosexual men-with a 15-year old girl. And I think in a way you're asking for trouble if that girl is totally unsupervised, living miles away from friends and family. It's kind of a no-brainer. There should be some protection for these girls." [Mother Jones]
• Temperley of London is launching an affordable (no, really!) line of their ultra-cool duds, coming this spring. [New York]
• Grace Coddington, on The September Issue: "But my very favorite scene is when Raquel [Zimmermann, the model] was eating pies at the couture. She kept looking at them and saying she wanted one, while we were lacing her into this tiny corset and reminding her she wouldn't fit if she ate one. So she didn't eat them ... and she didn't eat them. Then when the shoot was over she ate, like, a whole pie! It's a funny scene, and she looks absolutely beautiful." Well, yeah: that box of pastries was just sadistic! [New York]
• Wait, what? In that doc, Anna Wintour's daughter, Bee Shaffer, says she wants to be a lawyer. Now, apparently, she's working in theatre. Lady's prerogative, we suppose! [NY Post]
• Well, thank God. Pamela Anderson's addressing the serious dearth of celebrity perfumes, launching "Malibu by Pamela" this fall. [New York]
• Kim Kardashian: "My YRB magazine shoot just came out and I am loving the results! "I really love the transformation and the clothes were amazing!!! This has got to be one of the most unique shoots I've ever done! Not sure I'll ever go for a permanent short cut, but it definitely works for this shoot." She looks kind of like Karen O, weirdly. [People]
• Speaking of covers: if you buy the special Lady Gaga issue of V, you can peel her New Wavy glasses off the mag and wear them yourself! Or, you know, not. [New York]
• Model Lily Cole, who's taken a hiatus to go to university: "I like learning. I was going to do social and political science, then I switched to history of art, but I could have done either. I can get impassioned about politics, but I find studying it can lead to a boxy way of looking at the world, so I was put off studying it." [TimesUK]
• Peter Som on his scaled-down collection: "I have to make sure that every piece I design is special and unique," Som says. "People don't come to me for basics. They come to me for print and for color and for happy clothes." [New York]
• Um. For Fashion's Night Out, which we're almost starting to buy the hype for, Calvin Klein has commissioned "a performance by CK One model Jamie Burke and his band, Burke." That'll pack 'em in. [WWD]
• Alleged designer and convicted rapist Anand Jon is about to learn his fate: he could get life. [Yahoo]
• Michael Kors' description of his trip to South Africa is exactly what you'd guess if you were parodying Michael Kors describing a trip to South Africa. "We saw the big five (lions, leopards, rhino, elephant and buffalo) within the first two days. Truly mind blowing. Chilled out midday at the spa and one day even ended up doing an impromptu yoga session in the bush next to the Jeep." [WWD]
• Tyra sports Alexander Wang on ANTM, leading fashionistas who speculate that she'll start supporting more high fashion. But Ty-Ty is a fickle mistress! [Fashionista]
• Department store shoppers, take note: Miranda Kerr was momentarily blinded by a spritz of "Heavenly Enchanted" perfume at the scent's launch. [NYPost]