• Madonna goes all Italian neorealist for spring's Dolce & Gabbana campaign. You'd almost swear these images were by Vittorio de Sica, not Steven Klein. The advertising shots ran as editorial content "previewed" in Italian Vanity Fair. [Swide]

• If you believe TMZ, Elin Nordegren might get back at Tiger in a way that would really hurt: by signing an endorsement deal with Puma. [TMZ]
• Well, that's a twist: Ungaro's C.E.O. is resigning, while Lindsay Lohan will remain with the house that so controversially benefited from her pasty-designing prowess. [WWD]
• Kimora Lee Simmons is not judging America's Next Top Model, not even as a guest, says her rep. [The Cut]
• Saks informed 116 employees at its cosmetics and fragrance counters that the company is eliminating their jobs as soon as the holidays are over. The move comes just weeks after the employees had voted to unionize. Merry Christmas! [NYPost]
• Rodarte's Kate and Laura Mulleavy just won the same $50,000 grant as Sapphire, author of Push. [WWD]
• Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady have yet to settle on a name for their week-old baby. Gisele vetoed the one they had picked out two days before giving birth, and they haven't been together long enough since then to really talk about it, says Brady. His only conditions are that it be "a traditional name" and something he can pronounce. [People]
• Zac Posen's collaboration with Target includes an actual gown that can be worn three ways, a tuxedo, and a red leather jacket. The print-heavy capsule collection will get the widest distribution of any Target designer collab yet. [Racked]
• Draw on your clothes lots as a kid? A dress designed by Berber Soepboer and Michiel Schuurman comes with fabric markers so the owner can add color to the eye-catching black and white print. [Daily Mail]
• Advertisements for Olay Definity eye cream featuring Twiggy were the subject of more than 700 public complaints to the Advertising Standards Authority in the U.K., and yesterday, those complaints were upheld. The government watchdog found the heavily retouched advertisement was "misleading." Proctor & Gamble, which owns the Olay brand, voluntarily withdrew the offending ad and replaced it with one they claim has had no post-production in the eye area. [BBC]
• Biba is being revived. Again. [WWD]
• American Apparel is getting into the nail polish business. "We think this nail polish captures what American Apparel is all about — a Made in the USA, high-quality product in a beautiful range of colors. It's a venture of families in manufacturing, from the factory in which the polish is made to the Nail Lacquer logo created by Dov's uncle, the noted graphic designer Israel Charney," says a spokesperson. The 18 shades are named things like "Factory Grey" and "Hassid" and, naturally, "Downtown LA," and they cost $6 a bottle. Expect memos from Dov about appropriate nail and toenail styles imminently, retail drones. [Blackbook]
• Or you could buy this darling new shade of teal, called "Dickweed." [Refinery29]
• Grace Coddington granted a surprisingly revealing interview to the Times of London — and lets slip that she originally proposed Susan Boyle to play the wicked witch in her recent Hansel and Gretel shoot. Anna Wintour nixed the idea and favored Lady Gaga, whom Coddington describes thusly: "She turned up in a white rubber coat, stark naked underneath. No buttons, nothing — and completely you know, shaved." That's right, we just read about Lady Gaga's pubic hair in the pages of a daily paper! Coddington discusses Wintour (they can't fight "like a married couple," Coddington says, because "my marriages haven't been that successful"), front-row fashion week punditry ("I'm not prepared to crush some poor designer who's just spent six months slaving over a collection. I think it's horrible and they all talk about themselves. Plus, the questions are so stupid"), and the car crash that happened in her early 20s ("I remember bleeding all over a policeman and apologising for the mess. I had this driving mirror sticking in my head. I got to the hospital and they started sewing me up. Then someone said, what do you do and I said I'm a model and they said, hang on a minute. They took out all the stitches and made them more fine. Isn't that terrible? Because as a young girl, wouldn't I want the best anyway?"). Coddington admits to favoring British models — Lily Cole, Karen Elson — and says that models these days become successful so early that she sometimes thinks they have "no personality." Then she alludes to working with Karlie Kloss: "I was working with a very successful one the other day and she told me her parents were coming to take her on a trip to the place she loved best. I thought, where's she going — Africa? It was Disney World. And I thought, ‘Good for you. You're still a child'." (Kloss went to Disney World with her parents for her 17th birthday.) Erin O'Connor chimes in to praise Coddington for her work, and for "getting it past the censors." [ToL]
• Lacoste, via a new partnership, is planning to launch high-end handbags and accessories. [WWD]
• Hermès and Gucci each hosted their own name-brand equestrian competitions in the same week. Can you say, "Attempt to appeal to some kind of presumably authentic brand heritage?" [IHT]

• Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga's M.A.C. Viva Glam ad is out. Gaga looks...surprisingly normal. [FWD]

• Helena Christensen protested in Copenhagen this weekend. In quieter times, she reads the dictionary to expand her English vocabulary. And she's one of those people about text messages: "I get obsessed with spelling. I make every text message I send correct in punctuation," explains the Danish supermodel. "I am super-fastidious about certain things." [Daily Express]
• Phil Knight is standing by Tiger Woods. The scandal-plagued golfer's endorsement deal with Nike is worth a reported $30 million annually; Knight admitted doing a background check on Woods before signing him. "He came out clean," the company founder said. [Reuters]
• It has been confirmed that André Leon Talley is a new judge for the whole next cycle of America's Next Top Model. Kimora Lee Simmons is only a guest judge. It's puzzling that Vogue would want to touch anything in Tyra Banks' smizing empire with a bargepole, but it'll be great to see André's judicial robes on nighttime television. (Also: I would leave New Zealand only for Tyra et al. to set off there. They are shooting the CoverGirl challenge today in Half Moon Bay, apparently.) [TVNZ]
• Christian Lacroix has designed new uniforms for 20,000 French railway employees. They are grey and purple. Few more of these gigs and he'll have his couture business back in no time. [WWD]
• "I've struggled with it! I've struggled with that. I've struggled with that," says Tom Ford, on the luxury culture of insatiable accretion, and charging $75 for socks."Just because one is spiritual doesn't mean one doesn't like crocodile, cashmere. We live in a material world." [TDB]
• To produce its fashion show, Victoria's Secret allegedly filled half a city block with noisy generators that ran 24 hours a day for over a week. This disturbed the sleep of nearby residents, including those at a home for people with HIV. Michael Musto's anonymous source claims that the company, which coincidentally finally broadcast its show on World AIDS Day, had to offer the residents a cash settlement. [Village Voice]
• Serena Williams returns to the Home Shopping Network to sell her line of clothing today. Last time the tennis star did the HSN rounds, her goods sold out in under three hours. How? "Everything in the collection is under $100," Williams explains. "And everything you get from me [is] great quality. I think for those prices and [this] quality, it is a no-brainer." Do you hear that? A no-brainer. It's not buying her clothes that really defies explanation. [People]
• The family that owns Salvatore Ferragamo bought a decrepit estate with a vineyard in Tuscany in 1993. The restoration process now complete, Ferragamo is now introducing four wines into the U.S. market, ranging in price from $15-$80 per bottle. They do not carry the family name trademark, because that would be so vulgar. [BW]
• Project Runway alumnus Rami Kashou has been dressing Queen Rania of Jordan. His spring collection is partly inspired by Frank Gehry. [LATimes]
• Knitwear designer Carmen Colle's lawsuit against Chanel has been thrown out by a Paris court. Colle's company, World Tricot, which designs new knitting and crochet patterns for various designer clients to incorporate into their runway looks, sued Chanel in 2004 when she spied a Chanel coat made from what she alleged was a World Tricot crochet pattern that Chanel had rejected, and never paid for. But it wasn't all bad news for Colle. World Tricot also sued for breach of contract, after Chanel abruptly stopped patronizing the house. Chanel countersued for besmirching its good name by bringing the suit at all. The court found World Tricot was owed €400,000 for the breach of contract, and it also found that Chanel was owed €200,000 for "commercial prejudice." World Tricot may appeal the forgery ruling. [WSJ]
• Jason Wu was asked if he was for or against brunch. "Pro, but only if it's after 1:30," the designer responded. Who the hell is against brunch? [TFI]
• Christopher Kane clarifies his earlier statements about not liking fashion blogs because designers have little to no control over what they publish. Now he says blogs can be fine, so long as they're not "critical" or "negative": "You're allowed to say what you want but sometimes the blogs that you read are really negative and that's what I meant to say really. Sometimes it's too negative for my liking and I think maybe they could give someone a compliment or say something nice. But bloggers nowadays seem to be a bit negative...but when it gets to someone's work and they're being critical, it's like ‘Give them a break'." [Grazia]
• Unilever has suspended its relationship with a palm oil supplier after Greenpeace alleged that the supplier was not harvesting its oil sustainably. Palm oil is a key ingredient in many cosmetics, but deforestation and environmental destruction can result when farmers slash and burn forests to plant palms. [WWD]

1.) Martha Stewart Vs. Rachael Ray
Last night on Nightline, Cynthia McFadden tried to stir up shit between the two women.

2.) Martha Stewart Vs. Sarah Palin
But on the red carpet this week, Martha didn't need any encouragement to talk shit on Sarah.

3.) Piper Palin Child Beauty Queen
Earlier this week, I joked that Piper Palin was wearing so much makeup for Sarah's interview with Barbara Walters that she practically looked high glitz.

Later that day, Oprah's camera crew went to Wasilla to film the Palin family at home, where Piper was wearing a crown and a sash.

4.) Mother/daughter bonding

5.) The D.E.N.N.I.S. System
It's funny 'cause it's true.

6.) Crap letter from a dude
As featured on True Life: I Can't Leave My Boyfriend. The guy later came back to her apartment when she wasn't home, and stole all of her electronics and her dog.

7.) America's Next Top Amityville Horror
ANTM aired some never-before-seen moments, and I'd rather that this one had stayed unseen.

8.) Drunk idiots
The people on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge get so stupid drunk that they always end up fighting, and subsequently kicked off the show (whichseems to be their sole source of income). Brad started in with Darrell for no reason.

And then Darrell turned Brad into Quasimodo.

9.) Sewing with Nancy
Her awkwardness makes me uncomfortable.

10.) Stomache

America's Next Top Model is…Nicole! I think this is the only cycle in which I agreed with the judges' choice 100%.


Tyra said that this is the first ever "petite" winner in Top. Model. History. Oh yeah? What about poor Eva from cycle 3? She was only 5'6.5" while Nicole is 5'7".


I have to say, though, that Laura did out-walk Nicole.


But I'm surprised that she wasn't admonished for her crazy tan lines. Tyra missed an opportunity to set an example and bestow wisdom. Those are her favorite things to do! It's like she's not the same anymore.


WTF?


And lastly, who's the jerk that pretended she wanted Teyona's autograph?

• Victoria Beckham put away her Hermes bags and Louboutins and wore shredded jeans and combat boots as she joined son Brooklyn and spent 2 days with impoverished children in Kentucky.

At the link, you can see pix of Posh hanging with schoolkids. Brooklyn is one of Save The Children's youngest celebrity advocates. Posh says: "What I saw in Clay Country was the hope and promise inherent in every child. That's why we have to make sure every single child has a fair and equal start in life. Seeing Save the Children's innovative programs in action, like encouraging healthy eating, I know that we can begin to reverse the childhood poverty crisis. I'm pleased Brooklyn is learning that by helping and joining other children he can play a role in making his generation the greatest yet." [Daily Mail]

• Taylor Swift is on the cover of the new 3D issue (?!?!) of In Style, and inside she talks about meeting Taylor Lautner on the set of Valentine's Day: "He and I have gotten really close," she says. "It would be confusing on the set with two Taylors in the same scene. They were like, 'Taylor, on your mark – no, not you, the other one!' So halfway through the shoot, I said, 'How about you guys call me Swifty and call him Taylor?'" She also says: "I've never thought it was a curse to be single, and at this point in my life, I'm in the mind-set where I choose to be single — like I got to light scented candles and write in my diary and I wouldn't have time for that if I had a boyfriend right now!" [People]
• Oprah claimed that citizens of Dubai get free water, electricity and health care without paying income tax. While it's true residents are not subject to income tax, there is no support for the other claims. Whoops! [Page Six]
• The National Enquirer is reporting that David Letterman's wife asked him to move out; his rep says the story is "wrong." And it appears that reporters from the Enquirer called Dave's mom for a statement, because they are jerks. Her comment: "I don't know anything about that." [NY Daily News]
• This one is real, not a Hortense creation: "Sombre Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie look distant on a rare night out as they join A-listers at art party." [Daily Mail]
• Cops in Germany have searched a home in connection with the Cindy Crawford extortion case. The apartment might belong to Edis Kayalar, the guy who allegedly tried to get Cindy and her husband to pay him not to release a photo of their daughter bound and gagged. [TMZ]
• Vivid Entertainment is trying to buy Carrie Prejean's "erotic footage." [TMZ]
• Diddy's 40th birthday party will be a "fantasy dreamland" with fashion installations, a labyrinth, performance art and light shows. Plus a "very special" musical guest. Who could it be? [Page Six]
• Holy crap, the stills from "Video Phone," Beyoncé's video with Lady Gaga, look weird and amazing. The video should be out this week. [The Life Files]
• Mariah Carey pulled out of a performance on Brit TV show Strictly Come Dancing so she could appear on competing show X Factor. [Telegraph]
• Hayden Panettiere is producing a CW show called HMS — Harvard Medical School — which basically sounds like Grey's Anatomy Junior. [ET]
• Ryan Reynolds will be part of the NYC theatrical comedy show Celebrity Autobiography: In Their Own Words, in which stars read humorous snippets from celebrity memoirs. Ryan will read from Kenny Loggins' The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Also reading: Rachel Dratch, Carol Kane, Sherri Shepherd, Michael Urie, and Kristen Wiig. [NY Times]
• Courteney Cox — and husband David Arquette — are looking forward to being in Scream 4. She's not sure about the plot, but imagines that: "He's probably still deputy, and I've had a lot of kids. I don't know. I'm probably miserable, and then I'm sure a lot of murdering will happen." [AP]
• Flavor Flav entered a Doritos commercial contest "randomly and unprovoked" and his spot is "pretty damn good." [Page Six]
• Sigourney Weaver has been named in a £3.1 million lawsuit over a business deal involving Vincent Longo cosmetics, of which she is a part-owner. [Daily Express]
• Eva Longoria Parker has been named Philanthropist of the Year by The Hollywood Reporter. [THR]
• Did you know that Simon Cowell has an older sister named June Cowell? And that she was a child actress? And that she has lived in Majorca for more than 30 years? You do now. [Daily Mail}
• Shayne Lamas was busted for a DUI — she says she had only one drink. [TMZ]
• Did Farrah Fawcett have a "secret lover" in her will? [Daily Express]
• Uncle Jesse John Stamos gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. [ONTD via NBC Los Angeles]
• Run, Fez, run! Wilmer Valderrrama will join a US Marine veteran on a 100-mile trek across Louisiana. [Page Six]
• If Aretha Franklin wants you to turn the air conditioning off, turn it off! Don't release voicemails and call her a diva. Jeez. [Gatecrasher]
• Hello, random: Donna Mills of Knots Landing is not a fan of Carrie Prejean. More specifically, she thinks the beauty queen should "shut her mouth." [TMZ]
• Black people: Omitted from the Couples Retreat poster in the UK. [Mail on Sunday]
• Lou Dobbs says his departure from CNN was "amicable." [NY Times]
• Yesterday in NYC, while attempting to break up a brawl at a club in Brooklyn, cops shot and killed a bouncer who had once been a bodyguard for Jay-Z, Mariah Carey and Diddy. [NY Post]
• At the link, discover how Led Zeppelin wrote "Stairway to Heaven." [NY Post]
• "I'm not moving to America, I will sometimes go there. I have to go there to make films. We do make films in England but it's more like a hobby. They're like 'Come along, we can make a film. Oh, and can you make the sandwiches?'" — Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "I'm hoping the chemistry with Ellen will be great — and a great start to the season." — American Idol's Kara DioGuardi. [Reuters]
• "In hindsight, it was a magnificent thing for both of us in the sense that we got to see, both of us, really commit to this. A lot of marriages, it might take years and years for something to befall the relationship to see what are we made of. Are we gonna stand up when the storms come? And to see that that early on was really, it was life changing for me 'cause I knew I was with somebody that was in this. They're really, really in this. And so, I wanted to be in this, too. We both just stepped up to the plate, and she followed her heart, you know, God bless her. It was all life-changing." — Keith Urban, on going into rehab four months into his marriage to Nicole Kidman. [CBS News]
• "Having Jude Law licking my face for three days solid was a surreal experience. It was for a scene in 2007's Blueberry Nights. My character had passed out on a table and Jude had to come in and kiss some cream off the corner of my mouth. We did the take over and over again, so he kissed me about 90 times. There are worse ways to spend your day." — Norah Jones. [Daily Mail]
• "My life was kind of weird. My mother would cook, but we would get looked after by lots of maids. It felt like we lived in these big, enormous houses with lots of guests." — Carey Mulligan's father was a hotel executive, so she lived in hotels while growing up. [Reuters]
• "I can't answer it. The way I write, it's what makes me happy. Like, I can't write when people are looking over my shoulder. I am a little burned out on vampires right now. I think I need a little break. I might go spend some time with my aliens. I might do something completely different. I've got to cleanse the palate. I may come back to it. I did envision it as a longer series. But I wrapped ‘Breaking Dawn' in a way that I felt satisfied with, so if that moment didn't come, I'd be OK." — Stephenie Meyer on the possibility of a fifth Twilight book. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "My sister has an incredible body. I feel sorry for anyone who would judge her, because she's one sexy lady." — Ashlee Simpson. [People]
• "I hate doing school scenes and office scenes; I hate doing mall scenes… if I could do exciting genre films like this and be covered in blood and vomit for the rest of my life, I would be really happy." — Megan Fox. [Showbiz Spy]
• "I own the rights to (Oscar-winning Gone with the Wind co-star) Hattie McDaniel's life story, and I can't wait to tell that story, because that woman was absolutely amazing. She had to stand up to the adversity of black and white (society) at a time when we really weren't accepted. Mr. Lee Daniels is going to direct it, of course, and I'm going to be Miss Hattie McDaniel. I really hope I can do that woman justice." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I love to get on that stage, honey, and make you laugh until you pee on yourself… That's my baby. I will never stop stand-up. I will be 97 years old, with two teeth and maybe a bit of hair, and I will be on that stage hoping they're having as much (fun) as I'm having." — Mo'Nique. [Reuters]
• "I feel bad for kids who are just getting famous now. If Reality Bites had come out now and I had all those people Gawker-stalking me, my life would have been hell. I feel bad for the way pop culture seems to be eating itself alive. It ends up belittling everybody."— Ethan Hawke. [NY Post]
• "When I was very young, I used to see books as the thing keeping everyone from playing with me. So there'd be long stretches in the afternoons when everyone was off in their reading corners, sprawled on couches. And I would go up to them and do this little dance to try and break their concentration, which of course they never did: ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' ‘I'm bored!' ‘Go read a book!' And of course, now I dream of having long stretches when I'll be able to read a book." — Olivia Wilde, on being the child of writers. [New York Magazine]
• "My mother was a major fashion inspiration. Though she often wore simple housecoats with penny loafers - and usually had a Pall Mall Gold in one hand and a small glass of Scotch in the other, with an empty Hellmann's mayonnaise jar full of ice water nearby to use as a chaser - she could dress up fabulous when she wanted to. In her wedding photographs she wore a perfectly tailored navy blue coat with an off-white lining that had big, hand-painted navy blue flowers. She paired it all with navy pumps and a pillbox hat with an ivory veil. My mother certainly knew how to make an impression when she wanted to, both in the way she dressed and the way she acted. I definitely inherited those strengths from her." — America's Next Top Model's Miss J, in his new book. Do click and see the lovely vintage photo of his mother. [NY Daily News]
• "I'm like, let me get through the taping of Top Model cycle 3,413… Then I'll move to phase two, but I'm thinking about a perfume for tweens." — Miss J, on what he plans to do next. [NY Daily News]

Knowing that it's all coming to an end makes one want to frown with one's eyes—or "frize." Jennifer was frizing when she learned that she would have to immediately go back to the Hawaiian mansion, pack her bags, and go home.

It confusing that she was so let down, because according to Jennifer, she doesn't usually succeed at anything.

Erin also went home, but at least they touched up her roots beforehand.

Did anyone else notice that eyebrows have totally been the theme of this cycle?

Which means that we're left with Nicole and Laura as the final two. This is good news, as Nicole does stuff like this:

And Laura says stuff like this:

More on Barbie toe.


Marisa also gave other modeling tips, like don't touch your boobs, keep your mouth closed, and pose to the side.


But just like Tyra, Marisa doesn't like it—or even realize it?—when girls are taking her direction too literally.

The tag line is — of course — "Be caught dead in it." But this is far from the first time fashion has sought to draw female customers with images of dead women.

Back in 2007, for "cycle" 8 of America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks had the cast pose as murder victims for a shoot. You can see the whole series of images here, should you want to.

But as in most things, Banks was just taking inspiration from a long-established fashion trend. Plenty of photographers have aestheticized violence. While this model in Steven Meisel's September, 2007, "Make Love Not War" spread for Vogue Italia might not be dead — yet — she's clearly pictured in the midst of a violent attack.

Is it better or worse that Steven Klein, for his part, spreads his depictions of violent death across gender lines? That's Kevin Federline, by the way.

Copyranter points to this Fall, 2006, Jimmy Choo campaign as another antecedent for the Superette images.

Not to mention this Duncan Quinn ad, which practically approaches snuff film territory.

Then there was this August, 2007, spread in W magazine, featuring model Doutzen Kroes.

Photographers Mart Alas & Marcus Piggott captured Kroes in a variety of poses that all strongly implied she had recently been the victim of violence.

You can see the rest of the creepy story at Glossed Over. So if this troubling theme isn't even original or "edgy," why are we still creating and consuming these images?

This is a Helmut Newton photograph from the early 90s.

How, as women's rights have increased and progress has been made in the West across every rubric of measurement, have we moved from fashion photography that, while still glamorizing violence, at least showed us as the ones with the guns, to an aesthetic that promotes death as the ultimate symbol of female subservience?

Dead Is The New Black, Again [Copyranter]

Guess who was the inspiration for the shoot? President Obama. Because they were in Hawai'i, Tyra wanted to do a shoot inspired by "the world's most famous hapa."


This isn't the first time that ANTM has done blackface—or had a confusing, high-concept approach to cultural awareness. For a photoshoot back in Cycle 4, the girls were each assigned a race different from their own that they were supposed to embody for a Got Milk? ad, while also holding a child. Brittany was made to be African-American.


Tatiana was "biracial."


Noelle, who is biracial in real life, was made to be "African".


Naima, who is a mix of several different ethnicities, was made to be Swedish.


And back in Cycle 2, for a shoot in which the girls had to each portray a different famous person, Xiomara was given dark makeup in order to pose as Grace Jones. I remember that she was wearing a thong, and when she got off the wall she was leaning on, she had left two distinct butt marks from her makeup. I'm sad that I can't find a picture of that anywhere.


And just when we're starting to believe all of Tyra's hype that all shapes, sizes and colors are beautiful—and eligible to compete for a useless title on this show—we learn that being short still sucks.

The episode airs tonight, but these pictures reveal that Nicole Fox, seen in the image above, has dark skin, a bone necklace and a West African-looking headwrap.

Nicole is actually a pale-skinned redhead.

Jennifer An, an Asian-American model from Philly, also appears to have had her skin darkened.

This is what Jennifer usually looks like.

This is Erin Wagner, as she appeared early in on the show — she's since received a makeover in which her eyebrows and hair were bleached.

In an image from the Maui shoot, you see she's getting some kind of textured wig, and you can clearly see the brown makeup that's being smeared on her arm.

Erin's shot from Maui is the "bi-racial" version of herself.

Since the recent issue of French Vogue features model Lara Stone in blackface, and Madonna has admitted that she did a blackface shoot, it begs the question: Is blackface somehow trendy?

Guest Contributor Minh-ha wrote on Racialicious that when women have their skin tones changed, it's what Nirmal Puwar describes as "the universal empty point" that white female bodies are able to occupy precisely because their bodies are racially unmarked: "[Thus] they can play with the assigned particularity of ethnicized dress without suffering the ‘violence of revulsion.'"

We'll have to watch tonight to hear what Tyra has to say about the concept, but as a mixed-race person, I'll admit that the pictures are interesting. It seems like it's not just blackface, but an exploration of the mixing of cultures and ethnicities, and imagining the models in different cultures. I suspect it's no coincidence that this shoot took place in Hawai'i — where those with white, Asian, black and South Pacific backgrounds have produced lots of multiracial people — and "other" or "mixed" is 23% of the population (Asian is 42%; white is 24% — a minority). There's even a word for it: hapa.

Growing up mixed, having cousins and Aunts and Uncles with all different skin tones, I've always found an attraction to — and a resonance with — people who look like they are ethnically ambiguous (or ambiguously "ethnic"?) But the problem, of course, is that race is not silver eyeshadow, a bubble skirt or couture gown. It's not something you put on for a photo shoot to seem "edgy." Race is not trendy. The thing is, fashion is a visual language; playing with colors and tones will always be something stylists and photographers gravitate towards. So is this creativity actually insensitivity?

As a black woman working in fashion, Elizabeth Gates wrote for the Daily Beast that she was not surprised by the French Vogue blackface, saying: "I would be fooling myself if I thought the draftsmen behind fashion's most beautiful things were ever going to be sensitive to race, black women, or how they represent our cultural history. In fact, I'm not exactly sure why this was a shock to anyone."

But this ANTM shoot was put together by Tyra Banks: Black model, creator, host, head judge and executive producer of the show. You'd think that she would be sensitive to racial issues. I have to assume her intent was probably to showcase bi-racial beauty. Is this a case in which the action can be forgiven if the motive comes from a good place?

Tyra Transforms The 'America's Next Top Model' Hopefuls [ET]

Earlier: Oh No They Didn't: French Vogue Does Blackface
Fashion Photographer Steven Klein Has Done Blackface Before

As always, Tyra is there to provide confusing advice that she expects the girls to follow, but not completely follow.



Kim Kardashian was the guest judge. Tyra introduced by saying, "She has her own reality show, she is the co-owner of Dash boutiques." Wouldn't it be relevant to talk a little bit more about Kim's "fashion" experience? Hasn't she actually modeled (and not just for Playboy)? Didn't she start out as a celebrity stylist? Isn't she designing a line for Bebe with her sisters? Maybe Tyra doesn't care.



BTW, Erin's eyebrow roots are coming in. It's kind of disturbing.



And now…












And my personal favorite:

Jessica did say that Nicole was her "absolutely favorite," and, aside from the erroneous use of an adverb, I agree. I love that Nicole and Laura have never parked a car before, yet they imply that they've driven. How did they stop driving, if they've never parked?


Laura's "hood rat" accent was equally entertaining and incompetent. (BTW, did you notice that the ad agency is called "Wongdoody"? Is that another name for smegma?)


Of course a woman who is into swords would also be into the word "bitchin'."


Tyra told Brittany that her top was cut too low, and could be considered "pornographic."


Is that why they ended up blurring out her chest, after this comment was made?

First of all, when you have a crazy woman in a wig smiling at you while saying stuff that she believes is brilliant but actually makes absolutely no sense like, "Strong photo, weak film," or "What killed you in a negative way…" you'll feel a little fucked up.

Secondly:

Thirdly:

(It's extra scary when the Jabberwockies make facial expressions by using their hands!)

Also, when a giant, psychedelic snail enters the room, accompanied by a slimy man in 10 tons of makeup, things are not normal.

All of this would give anyone else a bad trip. Nicole is remarkable in that she can take this all in stride and chew her gum.

One last thing: What the fuck is up with Lil Mama's hair?

When I was in third grade I had this friend Nicole whose dad left her mom for another woman. Nicole's mom was our lunch mother and she was probably my first introduction to depression. She would sit in the playground during recess and read Harlequin novels with sexy covers, and had completely abandoned keeping up with her dye job so she had hair exactly like Lil Mama. The sad, divorced mom look is not working for her.

(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


(Click here if you can't see it.)


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And one of Miss J, for some luck.
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Do you want a tutorial?


How creepy are the creepy twins?


When they show up, if feels like something bad is going to happen.


Like Oompa Loompas.


And they're always together.


It's like they're conjoined. They're like the short, albino version of Lori and Dori/Reba/George.


"My main focus this week is my left eye."


"Yeah, I have this issue with my eye, but I feel really, really good."


And how about when Jay compared Bianca to a tranny, literally?

• Whoopi Goldberg on Patrick Swayze:

"Patrick was a really good man, a funny man and one to whom I owe much that I can't ever repay. I believe in Ghost's message, so he'll always be near." [Extra]

• Jennifer Grey on Patrick Swayze: "When I think of him, I think of being in his arms when we were kids, dancing, practicing the lift in the freezing lake, having a blast doing this tiny little movie we thought no one would ever see. [He was] a real cowboy with a tender heart. It was not surprising to me that the war he waged on his cancer was so courageous and dignified." [People]
• Dirty Dancing's choreographer, Kenny Ortega on Patrick Swayze: "The planet has lost a big heart. And I, a forever friend." [People]
• Twitter tributes to Patrick Swayze here. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West got a talking-to from Taylor Swift's mom backstage at the VMA awards; a source says she "tore into" him after he interrupted Taylor's speech. Additionally, it was Beyoncé's dad, Matthew Knowles, who arranged the moment in which Beyoncé gave Taylor another moment in the spotlight. [People]
• Here a source claims that the Beyoncé/Taylor Swift moment "was all Beyonce's idea. Kanye embarrassed her by bringing her name into it. She wanted to make it right." [MSNBC Scoop]
• 50 Cent on Kanye West's outburst: "We know Beyoncé's great. Nobody's confused in that area…" Fiddy also says: "I wish he would come take one of my awards so I could black his eye in front of everybody." [ONTD via Much Music]
• Did President Obama call Kanye West a jackass? All signs point to yes, but "off the record." [Politico]
• Anna Wintour went to the US Open and left with a tennis ball in her purse! [Page Six]
• Diddy caused a ruckus at post by standing in the street after a VMA party. [Gatecrasher]
• In this video, Michael Jackson admits that he was on pain medication and spent A LOT of time under the influence of prescription drugs in 2003. [The Sun]
• Russell Brand and Katy Perry made out. Pass it on. [Page Six]
• Kim Cattrall spills about Sex And The City Deux: "Expect lots of fun," she says. And: "It was so much fun to relive the wild and crazy fashions of the '80s. I absolutely loved the four different looks of all of us. We were all so uniquely different that we all couldn't stop admiring our different looks. There was lots of laughing, and it was a blast! Working with the three women is so easy. I mean seven years of doing the series and the first movie and now two years later being back feels like being home. It's so much fun. There is a saying that you can't go home again but on Sex and the City, you can." [People]
• This report says that Sex And The City 2 will see Carrie pregnant; a commenter snipes: "Isn't she like 123 years old by now? And Big should be reaching 156. Why would they have a baby? I hope this isn't the case." [Gatecrasher]
• LOL: Jon Gosselin was overheard saying "please write something nice about me" at an In Touch party. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Mr. Big, aka Chris Noth, is engaged, and it's not to Carrie: Noth has proposed to partner Tara Lynn Wilson, with whom he has a 19-month-old son. [Ok!]
• If you missed Lady Gaga and date Kermit the Frog on the red carpet at the MTV Awards, there's video here. [MTV]
• Kelly Osbourne's dropped about 14 lbs. in just three weeks, thanks to insane training for Dancing With The Stars. She says: "It's so amazing, I've tried so many stupid fad diets to try to lose weight, when all I needed to do was start dancing." And: "‘I'm actually really small, I just photograph fat." [Daily Mail]
• Colin Farrell says he's psyched to have a new kid on the way: "I'm very excited man! Very! There is nothing more exciting really." [People]
• Ricky Gervais has a crush on Rob Lowe. [Mirror]
• Brittany "Bre" Scullark from America's Next Top Model was arrested in New York on Monday for picking up some woman's laptop at a Starbucks — thinking it belonged to a family member — and then cursing out the woman. [TMZ]
• "Jessica Simpson sees dog snatched by coyote and appeals for its return on Twitter (does she think the offending beast can read?)" [Daily Mail]
• Sean Penn and hot model Jessica White: Still on. [Page Six]
• The Seinfeld reunion is really an "anti-reunion." [Reuters]
• Kim Kardashian will appear on the new Fox sitcom Brothers, opposite Michael Strahan and Daryl "Chill" Mitchell. "Even though I'm playing myself, you kind of have to play it up a little bit," Kim says. "I always get a little bit nervous because I am new to acting and I respect it so much, so I just want to do it justice." But, um, you're playing yourself. [People]
• The scene: A VMA party. Champagne! Celebrities! Stephanie Pratt's credit card: declined. [Page Six]
• A New York theater doing The Piven Monologues, comic look at the star's case of mercury poisoning, has received a cease and desist letter from Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• Jane Fonda has penned a HuffPo essay about her letter protesting the Toronto International Film Festival's decision to showcase and celebrate Tel Aviv. She writes: "As I said in my recent blog, the greatest "re-branding" of Israel would be to celebrate that country's long standing, courageous and robust peace movement by helping to end the blockade of Gaza through negotiations with all parties to the conflict, and by stopping the expansion of West Bank settlements. That's the way to show Israel's commitment to peace, not a PR campaign." [Huffington Post]
• "It's the last leg of Eddie Izzard's 43 marathons in 51 days. How did the less than athletic comic pull off such a feat of endurance?" [BBC News]
• Home Depot will start selling Martha Stewart stuff in 2010, when her deal with K-Mart ends. [Reuters]
• The late Bea Arthur was remembered at Broadway's Majestic Theatre on Monday. [NY Post, People]
• At the Bea Arthur memorial, Rue McClanahan told a touching story in which Bea said: "Rue, I love. Betty White's a cunt." [Page Six]
• "A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [Daily Mail]
• "I think music piracy is having a dangerous effect on British music, but some really rich and successful artists like Nick Mason from Pink Floyd and Ed O'Brien from Radiohead don't seem to think so. These guys from huge bands said file sharing music is fine. It probably is fine for them. They do sell out arena tours and have the biggest Ferrari collections in the world. For new talent though, file sharing is a disaster as it's making it harder and harder for new acts to emerge. I don't think what's out there is perfect. It's stupid that kids can't buy anything on the internet without credit, forcing them to steal Mum's credit card or download illegally." — Lily Allen. [Telegraph]
• "No one was injured. In fact, the only one who seemed irritated by the whole affair was a tiny Jewish woman who kept saying, 'I don't care who is in the limo. I have somewhere to be!'" — Joan Rivers, whose limo sideswiped a bus yesterday. [Page Six]
• "I hate when celebrities make a big deal of themselves. When I talk to Diddy, I'm just like ‘Hey Sean, no big deal.'" — Jon Gosselin. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "He slapped me once but he got hit on the head three times by me… [I] was horrified he spit on me, in my face." — Whitney Houston, on Bobby Brown. [NY Daily News]

Did Bianca say "dingo" in her interview? I thought she did, but I only know "dingo" to mean "baby eater." A dingo ate her eyebrows.

So, are you ready for the freak show to begin?

At panel, Tyra said, "This competition is about stretching the size that we have naturally into the size that we don't have. We're fooling the public."

The only one she's fooling is herself if she thinks I didn't notice that she used the same exact voiceover for the two girls who got the same exact "iced out blond" Tyover.

In the photo shoot this week, the girls had to "embody themselves in a childhood photo." Tyra is embodying herself in Cycle 2. When's the last time she bared her midriff?

So, does Bloody Eyeballs have Asperger's? Because from what I know about Asperger's, based solely on ANTM, is that those afflicted are really good at modeling and really bad at relating to other people.

Isn't it great that the height chart also included Tyra's weave? Basically, all the girls needed to fall around knee cap level to be considered for this season, which stinks for those who were closer to her feet and crotch.

How much did you love Amber, the girl who loves Jesus and dances for the homeless on Saturday nights?

When I got a load of her I was like:

It just kept getting better with her. I love how she's "kind of" a virgin. I also love how her feelings for Jesus sound like my last herpes outbreak.

In fact, sometimes when she talks about Jesus, it's almost like she's talking about Tyra, too.

She made the cut.

But then she was conspicuously absent when the girls were supposed to move into their house. Jay Manuel said that Amber was forced to drop out due to "personal issues." Whatever could they be!?

So now that the awesome one is gone, we're left with gimpy…

And bloody eyeball to entertain us.

Are you scared?

Oh, and in case you didn't think this show could get any campier, how Owl and the Pussycat was Tyra's outfit?