A matronly, 29-year old Amanda Seyfried thinks you younguns need to lay off the 'Grammin'.

In what is perhaps the epitome of slow-news-day journalism, TMZ posted a picture of Amanda Seyfried's dog mounting another dog and then reported it as a "rape." Your move, SVU producers.

The latest lie-turd that Star Magazine's pinched off involves Alyson Hannigan "starving herself" down to 98 pounds. Says an "insider" (a crazed and jealous Alexis Denishof fan? A bitter Buffy extra?): "Alyson has become extremely strict with her diet in recent months. Her weight has become her obsession: She exercises…

Carson Daly, massive tool, has joined The Today Show, ringing in a self-proclaimed "new era" of the program. He will enroll alongside the other mutants in the X-Academy: Matt Lauer, Savannah Guthrie, Al Roker, Natalie Morales, Hoda Kotb, Willie Geist and Kathie Lee Gifford. While we plebs associate Daly with…

After engaging in some vintage Ross-and-Racheling over the summer, rumors are floating that John Mayer proposed to Katy Perry but she turned him down like a maid does beds in a Julian Fellowes drama. Way harsh, Tai. Popcrush reports:

Arkham Asylum's sexiest escapee.

Here's what the stars were doing this week as they turned the camera on themselves. Celebrity Instagrams, presented without comment. Enjoy.

Nick Cannon seems like a good dude. Right? Am I forgetting about any Cannon terribleness? Remember when he was the "president" of Teen Nick? Remember dem babies? Anyway, he wrote a very long, honest, and kind letter about his friend Amanda Bynes and the poison of celebrity. Here is an excerpt:

Last night at a special screening of Lovelace at New York's Museum of Modern Art, the fashion was all over the place: Not too formal, not too casual, somehow just right for a summer night spent watching a movie about a '70s porn star.

Amanda Seyfried is spreadin' gospel about the way (some) people's vaginas and hearts fall in love, e.g. no matter what Hollywood rom-coms say, the My Best Friend's Wedding theorem doesn't generally play out in real life.

Former porn star Linda Lovelace's story is apparently so captivating to those in Hollywood that there has been more than one attempt at making a film about her life over the last few years, with different actresses popping in and out of the title role. The one that's made it to the big screen is called Lovelace, it…

In a fantasy world, Hillary Clinton would write, direct, and star in the biopic about her years as a young lawyer in D.C. She’d also design all of her own swingin’ 70s costumes and sets, based solely on her purportedly compendious HGTV knowledge. But Hillary Clinton has more important things to consider (such as…

During her arrest in Midtown last night, Amanda Bynes was taken to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation; it turns out this was set in motion by "friend and Hollywood publicist" Jonathan Jaxson, who told the police that he had proof that Bynes was suicidal.

I've always remembered Amanda Seyfried as Karen Smith from Mean Girls, namely because of Karen's "gift" of being able to predict weather with her breasts. Maybe not as complicated a character as Cosette in Les Mis, but we've all got our favorites.

Although Adele and her people have been meeting with Harper Collins to discuss a possible book deal (with a seven-figure offer), it won't be a memoir because, at 24, she thinks she's too young.

Bet you did Nazi this coming! Publicists/the fates diced and soaked locally-sourced ingredients for a gazpacho of Internet greatness when Justin Bieber stopped by Amsterdam's Anne Frank House on his European tour. He wrote in the museum guestbook: