Jezebel: amanda carpenter

Meet Bikini Blogger Pamela Geller. She Is Like Ann Coulter Meets The Real Housewives. She Is Amazing.

Moe — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 15:00:00 EST

We are not going to beat around the, uh, pubes: we did not really dive into a piece on "5 Female Conservative Bloggers" expecting to find new role models/heroines for Jezebel readers to admire/encourage/etc.. But HOLY SHIT, how did we never hear of Pamela Geller? Pamela's blog is called Atlas Shrugs. She has an MBA. "I'm not a feminist, I'm an anti-feminist," she tells Right Wing News."That whole movement...is rooted in Marxist-Leninist propaganda." Today's post is basically about how Barack Obama is the tool of Colombian paramilitary drug cartels, Hugo Chavez and Al Qaeda. (Wait, actually, every post is about that.) But her big claim to internet fame came when she posted a video blog entry while wearing a bikini back in the summer of '06. See, she was in Israel, and she felt it was important to illustrate the fact that although the scrappy little underfunded self-defense outfit of Israel was in the throes of a bloody war with a colossal superhuman enemy no mortal thought they could ever beat, she wasn't yet being forced to don a burka. "They haven't declared Sharia law yet!" she says. Oh, please go watch this. Her accent is SO PRICELESS.

Apparently that turned her into some sort of conservative sex symbol. PLEASE ALLAH GRANT THIS WOMAN A REALITY SHOW NOW. In fact, put them all in the middle of Gaza and take away their passports and make them try to find food and cooking oil without crossing the border back into Israel. Oh look! She's friends with Coulter. Coulter can come! And Amanda Hasselbeck 2.0 Carpenter, you too. You think we missed your astute query over at Glamocracy the other day as to whether Mike Huckabee had ever witnessed a miracle? Nah, we just didn't get to it. You know, you always forget to pray to God until the moment comes that you need him to intervene and perform a miracle. Well God, that time is NOW. Get Divello on this shit. He's got some atoning to do.

Blogging While Female [RightWingNews]
Bikini Vlog [Atlas Shrugs]

Amanda "Hasselbeck 2.0" Carpenter Thinks Taxes Are "Too Tough" For Pink Feminazi Pinkoblogs

Moe — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:00:29 EST

Some props before I launch into today's galactic hatefest: Glamour, you done good with Glamocracy. God, that is a fucking imbecilic name, but not only do your political blogs' commenters prove that not all your readers are as dumb as your editors seem to assume, but some of the women you've chosen to write are pretty sharp. Now for the one who makes me reach for the sharp objects: Conserva Calendar Girl Amanda "Hasselbeck 2.0" Carpenter. Oh god she is a witty one:

The feminist blogosphere is up in arms because Mike Huckabee pardoned a rapist and signed a petition that asks women to "submit graciously" to their husbands, but these same bloggers give him a free pass on taxes. This make me think of that terribly stereotypical Teen Talk Barbie from a few Christmases back. "Math class is tough!" she said. I'd hate to think that taxes are too "tough" for the Barbie blogs to address today.

Okay Larry Summers, let me make this easy on you. Taxes are tough. The most refreshing least fascistic tenet of Huckabee's campaign is that he wants to actually acknowledge that.

Put simply, the people with the best accountants in the country send the lowest percentage of their income to the IRS. Just ask Warren Buffett:

Warren E. Buffett was his usual folksy self Tuesday night at a fundraiser for Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-N.Y.) as he slammed a system that allows the very rich to pay taxes at a lower rate than the middle class.
Buffett cited himself, the third-richest person in the world, as an example. Last year, Buffett said, he was taxed at 17.7 percent on his taxable income of more than $46 million. His receptionist was taxed at about 30 percent.

Unfortunately, most rich people don't have quite as strong morals as Warren Buffett — see Jeff Skilling; Jeff Epstein; any rich guy named "Jeff", the career of Eliott Spitzer — so instead they funnel gobs of untaxed dollars to anyone who will preach — in church, in congres, whatevs — the ideology of small government and low taxes while systematically undermining said ideology in whatever cases (war, telecoms legislation, ethanol subsidies, whatevs) it can line their pockets. Said ideology distracts motherfucking Barbies like you from recognizing the fact that there is absolutely no societal benefit to recklessly perpetuating the ever-widening income gap. I just hope your daughters don't have to grow up to be stripper webcam cheerleaders for you to get that through your motherfucking head. No really, I hope they don't. I'm not into schadenfreude like that around the holidays.

New Glamour Blogger Amanda Carpenter Is Totes Hasselbeck 2.0

Moe — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 18:00:44 EST

We totally missed the launch of Glamour's awesome political blog "Glamocracy" a few days ago, which is actually okay since I really needed to post something and I'm glad it doesn't have to involve constructing a more complex thought than "yay hate!" You see, they have a multitude of bloggers at Glamocracy, among them a Latina, a black...and a red-haired Hasselbeck! Her name is Amanda Carpenter, and she is not a fan of the poors:

Gains among the Gennifer Flowers set aren't surprising—Hillary has doggedly pitched programs (which are obviously unappealing to a conservative like me) such as universal healthcare, universal paid leave, and even $5,000 "baby bonds" to rally the low-income, uneducated women she enjoys strong support from. Her campaign even has a special name for them: "women with needs." Labels like this make me think Hillary is the woman in "need". As in, she "needs" taxpayer money to give to the women she "needs" votes from.

Oh, is that how that works? Too bad she never learned from your party how not to be so beholden.

Annnnnyhow, obviously this bitch is a total cunt, and please don't be offended by that word, not that I care. I would say I don't understand how they convince women to become Republicans, but that would be a lie because I totally do; the plain fact is that some women are totally evil and evil people like becoming Republicans, and I would say that explains this one. I don't, for the record, think that explains Coulter, who is somehow fun for me. No, this chick is just your run of the mill racist pretty Satanist Christian airhead born without the empathy gene, I'm pretty sure, though that could be fun for me too. Whatever! I'll think about it on Monday. TChristIF!

Glamocracy