It's honestly a problem. He waited until his 30s to get laid (Catholicism probably had something to do with t hat, though he swears he was just waiting for the right person), and I honestly think his sexual fantasies are along the lines of soft-focus Victoria's Secret models in pretty frilly things. Which is sweet.

I don't want sweet, I want dirty. And I can't get him to play along. The boy won't talk dirty to me - won't even TRY - and even slightly rough play makes him uncomfortable.

He doesn't even seem to want sex all that much. He wants to kiss. A lot. It's...sweet. Really. But I clawed my way to my sexual prime, and it took me forever, and I am really GOOD at sex and I really LIKE sex and I can handle my own orgasms, but I do have to have someone willing to at least, you know, play along a little bit with me.

I try to talk to him about this and he just gets all shruggy and says that he doesn't like talking about it. Makes me feel like an oversexed hoor. I seriously don't know that i want to spend the rest of my life with this otherwise amazing, stellar creature if the sex is going to be beige.

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"Yeah but how?"

"I don't know. In the sand."

"You haven't thought about this?"

"I don't know. Why are we talking about this?"

"Well, what position?"

"Me on top, I guess."

"That's seriously your deepest, darkest fantasy?"

He's totally lying (he must be right? No one's deepest fantasy is sex on a beach!) and now I know who to blame. The patriarchy ;-)

As for me, I had very little trouble telling him my deep fantasies, but since they pander to ideas of male dominance, I suppose it was acceptable for him to acquiesce.

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Why can't we just enjoy the sexuality that comes to us naturally, without society coming in and telling us "too much, too soon" or "not enough?"

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I've found that my female friends are much more likely to discuss their sexual partners' kinks in a derogatory fashion than my male friends are -- Lord knows how many times I've sat through the "then he said he wanted to *lick* my *feet*" [insert chorus of "ewwwwww!!s"] brunch conversations. Granted, it's usually because they're pissed at the guy for other reasons (like he didn't call the next day, was bad in bed otherwise, etc.), but it's still pretty cruel. My guy friends don't do that nearly as much, both because we don't discuss sexual specifics as much and because when we're with a kinky woman we tend to think "bonus!"

I also think there's something to be said for the popular perception that having kinks makes a woman seem sexier, while it doesn't as much for guys. But yeah, I'm with blaming-the-patriarchy on this one.

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Sexual kinks and fetishes, FTW.

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*ouch*

I felt guilty about for months, thinking about all the times (and it was a lot) that I initiated sex. (however, he was able to perform, so wtf RYAN).

But upon reflection, he probably was burdened by societal guilt. Or he was just messing with me post-breakup.

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I dont understand this, unless its about men being mad that women are finally coming into their own about sexuality and what feels good to them.

men have had many a whim fulfilled for them, throughout the ages.

its my [and your] turn.

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