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When It Comes To Sex, There's Enough Shame To Go Around
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When It Comes To Sex, There's Enough Shame To Go Around |
03/18/09
It's honestly a problem. He waited until his 30s to get laid (Catholicism probably had something to do with t hat, though he swears he was just waiting for the right person), and I honestly think his sexual fantasies are along the lines of soft-focus Victoria's Secret models in pretty frilly things. Which is sweet.
I don't want sweet, I want dirty. And I can't get him to play along. The boy won't talk dirty to me - won't even TRY - and even slightly rough play makes him uncomfortable.
He doesn't even seem to want sex all that much. He wants to kiss. A lot. It's...sweet. Really. But I clawed my way to my sexual prime, and it took me forever, and I am really GOOD at sex and I really LIKE sex and I can handle my own orgasms, but I do have to have someone willing to at least, you know, play along a little bit with me.
I try to talk to him about this and he just gets all shruggy and says that he doesn't like talking about it. Makes me feel like an oversexed hoor. I seriously don't know that i want to spend the rest of my life with this otherwise amazing, stellar creature if the sex is going to be beige.
03/18/09
Jesus, the more I write about this the more it makes me despair.
03/17/09
"Yeah but how?"
"I don't know. In the sand."
"You haven't thought about this?"
"I don't know. Why are we talking about this?"
"Well, what position?"
"Me on top, I guess."
"That's seriously your deepest, darkest fantasy?"
He's totally lying (he must be right? No one's deepest fantasy is sex on a beach!) and now I know who to blame. The patriarchy ;-)
As for me, I had very little trouble telling him my deep fantasies, but since they pander to ideas of male dominance, I suppose it was acceptable for him to acquiesce.
03/17/09
Why can't we just enjoy the sexuality that comes to us naturally, without society coming in and telling us "too much, too soon" or "not enough?"
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We didn't have metrosexuals back then either, or the internet. Truly, the dark ages.
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I've found that my female friends are much more likely to discuss their sexual partners' kinks in a derogatory fashion than my male friends are -- Lord knows how many times I've sat through the "then he said he wanted to *lick* my *feet*" [insert chorus of "ewwwwww!!s"] brunch conversations. Granted, it's usually because they're pissed at the guy for other reasons (like he didn't call the next day, was bad in bed otherwise, etc.), but it's still pretty cruel. My guy friends don't do that nearly as much, both because we don't discuss sexual specifics as much and because when we're with a kinky woman we tend to think "bonus!"
I also think there's something to be said for the popular perception that having kinks makes a woman seem sexier, while it doesn't as much for guys. But yeah, I'm with blaming-the-patriarchy on this one.
03/17/09
However, when the last guy I was with asked me about a 3-some with another girl, I told him I have zero interest in that. Then I flipped the script and asked if I could bring another guy, he said as long as I was into it he would be down.
I seriously almost gagged on my drink. Most men only want it one way and to find one that was down? So great. It never happened, perhaps its why I still think of his douchey-in-other-ways self.
Actually thinking about it now, the kinkier guys I've been with impressed the hell out of me. If they are down for some "non-male specfic" kink, I'm all for it.
But from my experience with true SUPER kinky guys at work, yes its a total shame game for them. Otherwise why wouldn't they just ask their wives? I highly doubt they've had a conversation about them taking it in the ass [which ALL men seem to like if they have the ball to try it...] or cross dressing.
@B3K: I NEVER get the people who freak out about foot fetishists. A guy wants to sit at your feet and give you a massage for an hour. Who the fuck complains about that or even says NO? Once you've had a few amazing foot/leg massages from true true fetishists, the lure becomes very apparent. They are very erotic and feel really good.
Wish I could find a guy I was attracted to that was into it for more than my sake...
03/17/09
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Sexual kinks and fetishes, FTW.
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03/19/09
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(note: I can't participate in the scrunchy code because I'm shaved. Can I just tie one to my briefcase?)
03/17/09
*ouch*
I felt guilty about for months, thinking about all the times (and it was a lot) that I initiated sex. (however, he was able to perform, so wtf RYAN).
But upon reflection, he probably was burdened by societal guilt. Or he was just messing with me post-breakup.
03/17/09
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Of course he was saying that to dig at me, but there was a grain of truth in it. I could sense that a little when we were together.
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I dont understand this, unless its about men being mad that women are finally coming into their own about sexuality and what feels good to them.
men have had many a whim fulfilled for them, throughout the ages.
its my [and your] turn.
03/17/09
03/17/09
i feel like I get smarter when you respond directly to me.
ANYWAY:
like a finger in the butt? i agree that it would be more difficult for a strait man to admit that they enjoy it, due to the societal judgment that 'its gay' or something along those lines. It just takes my brain a minute to process things i read, lol.
Thank you for explaining, my new e*crush.
03/17/09
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03/17/09
i understand, now, thank you both.
but i have a slightly of topic question. Is it strange for a female to enjoy watching men kiss? because that something ive always liked. And i get super turned on by watching gay porn. I dont know why, and ive never tried to dissect it, but i think its hot.
that being said, i wish my man would. but he wont, and we may not make it. Hes spanish and pretty repressed, as far as kinks and things go. I often wonder if its because they have such a macho man culture, but what do i know? Its difficult to bring these questions up, to him.
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Also, the current does participate, else he would not be the current. lol
03/17/09
Still, though I can kind of see some guys being leery of that type of thing, you know?
Oh, and choke until you turn blue, I don't care! Whatever does the trick (and is safe, obvs).
03/17/09
03/17/09
When I burst out laughing midway through our next family dinner, I'm blaming you.
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