Jezebel: Allure

Allure's "New Narcissist" Not New, Maybe Not A Narcissist

Anna N. — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 13:40:00 EST

"People do not pay attention to me the way they should," says "Cynthia," one subject of "The New Narcissist," Judith Newman's psych-trend piece in December Allure. "I know I deserve to be heard, and when I'm not, I get very angry," she continues. "I think people are frightened of me." Cynthia is an attractive, outspoken woman who has risen quickly to a high-powered TV exec position at 30. She's also an example of a disease supposedly sweeping the nation — successful people are, according to Newman, coming down with acquired situational narcissism (ASN) in which they ignore other people's needs and think everyone should bow down to them. And although the rich and powerful have been acting out since time immemorial (see Caligula), Newman thinks their antics are on the rise.

She writes:

The last couple of years have been an egopalooza of celebrities, politicians, businessmen, and religious leaders behaving not just badly, but with overweening sense of entitlement. Paris Hilton: Jail is worse for me than anyone else! Oprah: the Hermes store wouldn't let me shop because I'm black! (The fact that the store had just closed apparently had nothing to do with it.) And Hillary: Oh, dear God, Hillary. If she hadn't radiated an almost-cartoonish, Daffy Duck-like aura ("The presidency is mine-mine-MINE!"), maybe she would have been the Democratic candidate.

Note that all three of Newman's examples are women. Probably she's just considering her target audience, but the message stands — don't be like these ladies, or like Cynthia, unless you want to be pilloried in Allure. Leaving aside for a moment the fact that Newman just lumped Oprah and Hillary together with Paris Hilton, and the fact that aggressively seeking public office apparently now makes you a cartoon character — are these women really that bad?

Cynthia achieved great success after "a modest upbringing," and now she's extremely confident. She believes she'll succeed in her career, and says, "there's value in being opinionated when you have really good opinions." Maybe Cynthia isn't the most considerate person in the world, but we'd sure rather hear from her than someone who couches every statement with "I'm not sure, but . . ." There is value in being opinionated, and in being confident, and in feeling that people should listen to you — and more women and men should embrace this value.

Of course, some cases of ASN (which Newman defines as "a form of self-absorption and grandiosity developed not in childhood, as classical narcissism is thought to be, but rather [...] after an individual has acquired modest fame and fortune") may cause problems — the "luxury shame" sufferers Sadie wrote about should probably try thinking of the less fortunate for a change. But we may not have to hear from them much longer: Newman says the best cure for ASN is failure.

Cynthia, for instance, suffered a failed project and a series of bad dates, including one with a guy who said, "I don't think she asked one question about me." Now she's way nicer, even asking Newman about herself when they meet up for drinks. Cynthia could probably stand to learn a thing or two about consideration, but we're still a little disturbed that Newman's recipe for bringing an uppity woman to earth is a stinging remark from a man.

[Allure] (Official Site)

Loose Lips

Jessica — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 11:40:00 EDT

The newest rumor from the mixed-up files of Amy Winehouse's self-destruction: she eats cotton candy mixed with cocaine. • Eva Longoria wants everyone to know that she's still a size 0. "I just got rounder," she tells Allure. • Click here for a completely adorable picture of Shannen Doherty before she became super-bitch Brenda Walsh. [Perez, Us, A Socialite's Life]

October Allure: Who's That Girl?

Cheryl Campbell — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 14:00:00 EDT

October is the month for Allure’s signature ‘Best of Beauty’ feature, a list of 182 of the “best” products our maxed-out credit cards can buy, most of which were probably applied in conjunction with excessive PhotoShop to cover model Ellen Pompeo’s face (Ellen, is that really you under there?). While Allure is no stranger to large lists of unnecessary beauty products and cover model metamorphosis beyond recognition, the October issue has been marked “Special.” Wonder why? Could it have to do with those scientific breakthroughs in the beauty industry? Find out after the jump.

Expensive Shit(Fight): We Have A Winner

Dodai — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:30:00 EDT

Over the past week, Interns Anna and Margaret have done the tireless work (and we mean tireless) of adding up all of the expensive shit in the hefty September issues of the major women's magazines. Today saw a Gucci studded motorcycle jacket for $5,395; Elizabeth Arden Prevage Anti-Aging Treatment that'll cost you $155; a $1,750 Tiffany sapphire and platinum necklace — in Teen Vogue (!!!) — and previously, a $135,000 Louis Vuitton diamond-encrusted watch, a Chanel dress which would set one back $17,355 and a Fendi 24K-gold mink coat for $64,300. Earlier in the week, we asked you to guess the final total dollar amount of the crap in all the September issues, without going over. We have a total, and a winner! Results, after the jump.

The total amount of expensive shit being shilled in the September issues of Elle, Vogue, Bazaar, Lucky, Glamour, Marie Claire, W, and Allure: $6,949,006

The winner: Kimsama, who guessed $6,945,027.95, with a difference of $3,978.10.

CONGRATULATIONS!

E-mail dodai@jezebel.com to claim your prize. We'll be donating $200 in your name to the charity of your choosing… though that charity cannot be Condé Nast.

Thanks to everyone for playing.

Earlier: September Smackdown: Elle Vs. Vogue
September Smackdown: Allure Vs. Lucky
September Smackdown: Marie Claire Vs. Glamour
September Smackdown: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W

September Smackdown: Allure Vs. Lucky

Anna N. — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:00:00 EDT

Allure is the obvious underdog in today's fight. It's puny compared to the formidable Lucky, and although it bills itself as "The Beauty Expert," it has neglected to provide prices for many of its beauty products. Will Allure psych out its powerful opponent and pull off an unexpected win (like in so many Disney sports movies)? Or will its carelessness with lip gloss and foundation lead to its downfall (like at so many high school dances)? Find out after the jump.

Allure

Apparel: $220,751 (most expensive item: Roberto Cavalli suede-and-lapin-lapis-and-lince [does anyone else think this sounds like some medieval spell?] fur coat, $20,275; least expensive: cotton nylon skirt, forever21.com, $19.80; average price: $2,299)

Accessories: $149,483 (most expensive item: Stephen Dweck sterling-silver necklace with citrine and horn, $19,200; least expensive: Rose rubber and crystal flip-flops, shopjamiekreitman.com, $55; average price: $1,643)

Beauty: $2,788 (most expensive item: tie between coloring services at Sally Hershberger Downtown and coloring services at Garren New York, both $300; least expensive: Crest Weekly Clean Intensive Cleaning Paste, $3.99; average price: $116)

[Allure had no "other" items.]

Total Shit: $373,022
Average: $1,768

Lucky

Apparel: $167,384 (most expensive item: Gucci viscose "Tasha" dress, $4,760; least expensive: tights, kushyfoot.com, $8; average price: $394)

Accessories: $155,608 (most expensive item: Gucci 18k gold charm bracelet, $5,050; least expensive: grosgrain belt, forever21.com, $7; average price: $408)

Beauty: $4,613 (most expensive item: Paul Mitchell Express 10n v.1 Dryer, $199; least expensive: Wet n Wild Silk Finish Lipstick, $2; average price: $26)

Other: $4,667 (most expensive item: tie between Garmin Navi 760 GPS and Samsung LN22A451 LCD HDTV [fewer letters next time, Samsung, kthxbai], both $600; least expensive: La Vie de la Vosgienne Lemon Drops, $3; average price: $272)

Total Shit: $332,272
Average: $332

Yes! Even with no "other" items and a poor showing in what should have been its strongest category, Allure comes from behind to vanquish Lucky, whose lowered total and average reveal it to be a plebeian publication by comparison. It's like when the Mighty Ducks transformed themselves from a ragtag bunch of loser kids into hockey champions! Except with more tinted moisturizer.

Winner: Allure

September Allure: A Peel For Every Skin Type, An Anti-Aging Berry In Every Pot

Anna N. — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 15:20:00 EDT

Since this month Allure contains a feature on facial peels, we thought we provide you with our recipe for a psychic peel. It's simple: read Allure every month. If possible, supplement with other women's magazines. At first, you will feel that not only are there more beauty products in the world than you would have dreamed possible, but that the percentage of them that you actually own is woefully inadequate. But resist! Do not buy Elizabeth Arden Ceramide Capsules! Instead, keep reading. over time, you will begin to feel distaste, even loathing for beauty products. You will feel the dead cells of desire sloughing off your psyche. After a year of religious Allure reading, your brain will be fresh and young and — dare we say it? — dewy, just as it was before you ever heard of primer or exfoliation. Start today — with our version of Allure's September cover, after the jump.

Not Much Has Changed: The Faces In September Ladymags Are Overwhelmingly White

Maria — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:30:00 EDT

Nothing quite says "It's August" like sifting through the pounds and pounds of perfume-scented and white-washed pages from the September issues of the major women's magazines. Sure, Italian Vogue came out with an "All Black" issue in July, but even that success probably won't motivate the editors of American women's magazines into showing a little diversity, especially if the September issues are any indication. After the jump, check out our roundup of the models of color in the ads and fashion spreads of the September ladymags, where, not surprisingly, Asian models are scarce, black models sell cleaning products, and Caucasians rule.

(Models were counted as being "ambiguous/mixed race" if we weren't sure what race they are (like the Kate Spade ads where the model was covered up), they were obviously of mixed race (Kimora Lee Simmons—still starring in her own ads!), or a non-European Hispanic woman.)

Here are the results:

Lucky:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 2 (2 celebrity/non-models)
• Total Black models: 16 (4 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 109 (11 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 16 (4 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 143
TOTAL ADS: 151

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 5
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1

TOTAL MODELS: 6
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 3

Cosmopolitan:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 15 (7 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 80 (12 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 9 (2 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 104
TOTAL ADS: 109

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 2 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 0

TOTAL MODELS: 2
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 2

Glamour:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 2 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total Black models: 14 (4 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 91 (12 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 10 (2 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 117
TOTAL ADS: 115

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 4 (2 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1

TOTAL MODELS: 5
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 4

Allure:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 15 (3 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 69 (9 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 12 (3 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 96
TOTAL ADS: 81

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 4
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1

TOTAL MODELS: 5
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 5

Teen Vogue:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 3
• Total Black models: 14 (4 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 83 (13 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 7 (3 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 74
TOTAL ADS: 94

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 1
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 2
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1 (1 celebrity/non-model)

TOTAL MODELS: 4
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 4

Marie Claire:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 3 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total Black models: 8 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total White models: 70 (7 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 13 (7 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 94
TOTAL ADS: 102

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 3
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1 (1 celebrity/non-model)

TOTAL MODELS: 4
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 5

Harper's Bazaar:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 3 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total Black models: 6 (1 celebrity/ non-model)
• Total White models: 140 (13 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 14 (5 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 163
TOTAL ADS: 152

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 2
• Total Black models: 3
• Total White models: 14
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 0

TOTAL MODELS: 19
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 12

Elle:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 4
• Total Black models: 14 (6 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 187 (12 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 16 (4 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 221
TOTAL ADS: 205

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 1
• Total White models: 9 (2 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 1 (1 celebrity/non-model)

TOTAL MODELS: 11
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 9

Vogue:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 7 (2 celebrity/non-models)
• Total Black models: 9 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total White models: 236 (14 celebrity non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 9 (3 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 261
TOTAL ADS: 214

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 0
• Total Black models: 0
• Total White models: 9 (1 celebrity/non-model)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 0

TOTAL MODELS: 9
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 7

Overall Totals:
Advertisements:
• Total Asian models: 24 (7 celebrity/non-models)
• Total Black models: 111 (31 celebrity/non-models)
• Total White models: 1,065 (93 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 106 (33 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 1,273
TOTAL ADS: 1,223

Fashion Spreads:
• Total Asian models: 3
• Total Black models: 4
• Total White models: 38 (6 celebrity/non-models)
• Total ambiguous race/mixed race models: 6 (3 celebrity/non-models)

TOTAL MODELS: 65
TOTAL FASHION SPREADS: 51

This means that in advertising, out of 1,273 ads, if 24 Asian models were used, that is 1.8% Asian. And 111 black models might seem like a lot, but that's actually 8.7% black. 1,065 white models out of 1,273 ads means the ads were 83% white.

As for the fashion spreads, 3 Asian models out of 65 means 4.6% Asian representation. And despite the efforts of Bazaar, the models were only 6% black.

Charity Cases: How Much Expensive Shit Is In The September Ladymags?

Dodai — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:20:00 EDT

As you know, we've been adding up the items in the thick September issues of the major women's magazines. And the extravagance is really quite vulgar! So far we've seen a $135,000 Louis Vuitton diamond-encrusted watch, a Chanel dress which would set one back $17,355 and a Fendi 24K-gold mink coat for $64,300. All this conspicuous consumption has given us an idea, with an urge to give back. And so, we present to you: A contest. Not just any contest! A conscience-clearing contest! Here's the deal:

We'll be adding up all of the totals from all of the major September mags (Elle, Vogue, Bazaar, Lucky, Glamour, Marie Claire, W, and Allure) into one whopping sum. (So far, Elle's Total Shit: $1,562,100 and Vogue's Total Shit: $957,687.)

The reader who can predict the final total dollar amount — without going over — will win a $200 donation to the charity of her or his choice. You may submit your guesses in the comments, and you have until 12 noon tomorrow, EDT.

Good luck, and remember: Mink. Dipped in gold.

Earlier: September Smackdown: Elle Vs. Vogue

September Allure: I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge, Julia Stegner

TatianaTheAnonymousModel — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 11:00:00 EDT

With a slender 27 pages of fashion editorial, this September's Allure doesn't break any records (not that my shoulders didn't appreciate the reprieve; lugging these monstrous issues on the subway sucks). After the jump, I parse the modeling in the baby of the fall ladymag litter: Julia Stegner almost falls off a cliff, Raquel Zimmerman lends her face to floury powder and brick-red blush, and Ingune Butane channels Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface.

Is it just me or does Raquel Zimmerman's makeup look caked on? I think Raquel has noticed. I think this makes Raquel unhappy.

Editors love this shot. Where the model allows food to approach her mouth area, but displays no other sign of an appetite. Such beautiful restraint, Ms. Z!

Whereas in every other picture, Raquel could be that lovely secretary your Mom had in the 1980s, frizzy perm, ill-fitting rayon turtlenecks and all, in this one shot she's suddenly vamping it up in evening wear and wanting to show us her tits. Strange. And have you noticed her rainbow of manicures? Budget 20 minutes in the chair for every hue (in addition to this page's basic red, I count gold, nude, hot pink, and dead skin taupe.)

This isn’t an editorial, it’s just an illustration for Allure’s helpful beauty story about how everyone could probably do with a peel, and you should totally forget that whole off-putting Samantha-on-SATC thing. But I’d like to say, having posed for illustrations like this, that standing stock still with goop on your face is never fun. The cream is drying uncomfortably on your skin, it always takes forever for the assistants to light it, and getting the shot depends on such an infinite range of minutae — move the brush 1/8” to the left, now down, no, back over a tad, okay now open your mouth, no, less open, somebody fix her eyebrow now, okay the hair thing I said, yeah, it's in the way again — that it can be downright maddening. Which is ironic, because this shot is always for a beauty story, and beauty stories are supposed to be about zen and centredness and the feminine transcendent! But what really sucks is the images are so servicey and decontextualized that they are worthless for your modeling portfolio. Also: Now I’m pretty sure I “need” a peel. Thanks for nothing, Allure.

The essence of successful modeling can sometimes be the model’s ability to melt so completely into one picture that you don’t recognize her in the next. It took me a minute to even see that it was Inguna Butane here; this is a good start.

And here's her masterstroke. Without resorting to goofy expressions or gimmicks, purely by playing the angles of her face, Inguna so transforms within this series that at first I thought the edit had two models. Seriously. Look back real quick. Are you even sure it's the same person? Latvians. So spooky.

Julia Stegner is bravely standing in 5" heels on the edge of a cliff in Maine. For fashion. As the photographer said in his contributor's note, "We were lucky the wind cooperated." Lucky, indeed! Now that’s dedication to the craft.

The Asian Model In Allure: Stereotyped?

Dodai — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Sure, Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is all Balthus-esque in the August issue of Allure, but even more interesting is the "Art And Artifice" fashion shoot inside. Photographed by Patrick Demarchelier, the spread features "the best of the fall collections," which means lots of fur and boots and stars (gasp!) an Asian model. Did buzz around the recent Italian Vogue have an effect on the fellow Condé Nast mag? Or did the editors at Allure just realize they needed to branch out? (The November issue had no Asian models; December had zero Asian models and January featured absolutely no Asian models.) Is diversity finally returning to magazines? And can a mainstream American magazine shoot an Asian woman without resorting to any Asian stereotypes? A few images, after the jump.

One of the Asian woman image stereotypes is that of "China Doll." While this (gorgeous!) woman certainly has unreal skin, her "you may gaze upon me if you like but I'm busy doing other things at the moment" pose is not so passive as to be offensive. In my opinion. Am I wrong?
Fur, leather, luxe. Loving this despite myself.
Biba is back, sorta.
This feathery dress is organza and therefore mind-boggling, which means it must be super expensive.
So. Damn. Elegant.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner. If you shoot an Asian model, you have to have a kimono. Duh. Luckily they didn't opt for chopsticks in the hair. The model, Du Juan, is from Shanghai; kimonos are traditionally Japanese. But maybe since this one is by Donna Karan it's neither here nor there?

Earlier: We're Still Looking For Black Models
Merry Christmas, Black Models, Wherever You Are
Most Ladymags Continuing To Experience Whiteout Conditions

The September issues of women's magazines ...

Jessica — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:45:00 EDT

The September issues of women's magazines are historically the thickest and most anticipated of the year, filled with a particularly frenzied orgy of materialism. WWD has the scoop on the covergirls for those issues, which will hit newsstands in late August. Keira Knightley will grace the cover of Vogue for the second time in under two years — the fourth time in total — even though her last cover from June '07 (pictured) didn't sell well. Glamour has Penélope Cruz, W is featuring Kate Hudson, In Style will highlight Uma Thurman, Allure has Carrie Underwood, Teen Vogue has Vanessa Hudgens, Elle has Jessica Simpson, and finally, Cosmo will show Blake Lively. (The teen queen's presence in Cosmo confirms our suspicion that the magazine is not actually geared towards grown women). [WWD, sub. req.]

Mini-Muse

Sadie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Victoria Beckham kicks it Balthus-style in the latest Allure. The scrawny songstress recreates the famously little girl-loving artist's Golden Days to somewhat wanton effect. In the cover story, Posh waxes on clothes (she likes 'em) and food (she eats it.) [Kickette]

MagHag

Dodai — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:40:00 EDT

The spine of Allure reads "The Beauty Expert." That's the mag's claim to fame. Nowhere does it say that the publication is for the mentally handicapped, three year olds, those recovering from spinal cord injuries or Neanderthals. (Or Cro-Mags, heh.) So it is impossible to comprehend why the glossy felt the need to publish a step-by-step charticle on how to take a shower. And yeah: It's illustrated. We suspect that they have just. Run. Out. Of. Ideas. Click the cover to see the piece in question.

Sarah Jessica Parker's Shoes Reveal That She's Fiercely Really Into Fashion

Jennifer — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:30:00 EDT

After much consideration I have decided that I do not care at all what the personal footwear choices of the Sex and the City stars say about their personalities. [LA Times]
Speaking of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker says that her son only wears his older cousin's hand-me-downs and has never been given new clothes, other than shoes. [US Weekly]
Another day, more people fired from ELLE. This time, on the dot-com side. Maybe Nina will give them jobs over at Marie Claire? [WWD, 1st item]
Rachel Zoe does not want to talk about being disinvited from the Met Costume Institute Gala thankyouverymuch. [US Weekly]
In case you were wondering, Cindy Crawford will be celebrating Mother's Day with breakfast in bed. [Reuters]

Christy Turlington, however, thinks that Mother's Day should be about activism and used as a platform for taking action against the AIDS crisis. [HuffPo]
Hilary Duff just loves being old: "I am so excited that I'm finally at an age where they want me on the cover!" says Duff regarding her turn in Allure. [Fashion Week Daily]
Lancome and Uma Thurman: Suing one another. Good times in the cosmetics industry. [AP]
Chanel is opening an "ephemeral" boutique on London's Dover Street. Says Krazy Karl Lagerfeld, "The tone is at the same time post-modern and romantic. It integrates a delicate punk sophistication." [Vogue UK]
Rachel Zoe loves expensive shit. [NYDailyNews]
I don't care that she landed Johnny Depp, I still love Vanessa Paradis. [Sassybella]
Camper shoes; Now for the ladies. [Times of London]
Ginger Spice: Wears clothes from Topshop. [The Sun UK]

Memo To Allure: Rachel Zoe Is Not Alluring

Jennifer — Thu, 08 May 2008 10:30:00 EDT

Allure magazine is the most confusing of all the American ladymags. Is it a beauty magazine? A fashion magazine? Both? Do people really still buy it? But what's even more confusing was the guest list for last night's NYC event celebrating the "Most Alluring Bodies": those of Hilary Duff, Katherine McPhee, Paula Patton, Carey Lowell, Olivia Palmero and Rachel Zoe. All these ladies and a few more (like Simon Doonan and Jonathan Adler!) in the Good, the Bad, & the Ugly, after the jump.

The Good:
It's no secret that I'm gaga for potter Jonathan Adler and his husband, Barneys New York creative director Simon Doonan. Even though I would have never have guessed that Adler is the Big Pony type.
I have no idea what Katharine McPhee has done since American Idol, but she looks great here.
Allure editor-in-chief Linda Wells looks smart in basic black.
Sorry, but I am in love with Olivia Palmero's shoes.
Paula Patton? Pretty!

The Bad:
Andrew Saffir and Valesa Guerrand Hermes definitely have the best names of anyone at the event, but I just can't get behind a woman who lets a man wear a lemon sports coat.
Dear: Carey Lowell: Has Richard done something to convince you that you should wear frumpy old lady clothes?

The Ugly:
Is it just me, or is there something bad wrong with the way the top of Hilary Duff's dress is cut?
Who is Nikki Anders and why is she wearing this? Best not wear a silver trash bag out on the town.
Same goes for Rachel Zoe.

[Images via Getty.]

Loose Lips

Jessica — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:45:00 EDT

Anthony Minghella's rep has announced that the writer/director died from a brain hemorrhage after undergoing a "routine operation" on his neck. So sad. • Mariah Carey comes across as shockingly down to earth in an interview with Allure. She says she knows people think she's a "ditzy moron" and, of her tumultuous love life, Mariah explains, "Not to quote Swingers, but 'we all have stories.' I got a freakin' miniseries in me." • Heather Mills has hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred to be her "advocate" in the United States. [TMZ, Us, DListed]

Did Allure Plagiarize Creative "10-Minute Hair" Angle From Glamour?

cheryl — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:30:00 EST

Today the Wall Street Journal ran an interesting piece about how large companies like Johnson & Johnson love the magazine Allure because its editors give their products all this free advertising even though they already advertise, which in turn makes them so gracious they buy even more advertising. Um...we're glad this magazine is serving someone's purpose! Because shit has been dead boring ever since that story about that killer Brazilian hair-straightening technique. The March issue may just be the ne plus ultra of this trend, although we should probably make sure we know what "ne plus ultra" means before throwing that term around. Oh, who cares? We're back with Cover Lies, in which editorial assistant Maria-Mercedes Lara and I rewrite the cover lines of a major magazine to more accurately reflect the cruel radiance within.

Loose Lips

Jessica — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:45:00 EST

Kate Beckinsale got candid about her ladybits in this month's Allure: "I've only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh's Tomb!" Note to Kate: you probably shouldn't compare your cooch to something cavernous that houses dead people. Even fancy dead people. • Feds are investigating two of the doctors who prescribed drugs to Heath Ledger. They have already subpoenaed documents from the NYPD and the medical examiners who investigated Heath's demise. The drugs Heath took included Ambien, Valium, Restoril, and Atavan among others. • Josh Hartnett was (gasp!) forced to fly coach on the way back to New York from Los Angeles after the Oscars. An "onlooker" told PageSix.com, Harnett tried to get upgraded but was denied. "There were so many celebs on the flight, when he went to the counter to ask about a wait list they told him, 'You're number 55.' " [Holy Moly, TMZ, Page Six]

Cosmo Editor: "My Sense Of A Good Cover Is If I Want To Lick It"

dodai — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 12:00:00 EST

A thorough piece in today's WWD is chock-full of juicy nuggets about how magazine editors create a cover that will inspire you, a potential reader, to spend your hard-earned cash on their efforts. In the '80s, Dick Stolley, founding editor of People, created "Stolley's Law Of Covers", which you already know, even if you don't know you know: "Young is better than old. Pretty is better than ugly. Rich is better than poor. Movies are better than music. Music is better than television. Television is better than sports... And anything is better than politics." Kind of like looking for a date! Of course, what works for each magazine is slightly different. For Cosmopolitan, the young lady on the cover had better get "the girls" out. "It's not about big breasts like it used to be. It's just about showing off your breasts, whether they're double As or whatever," says editor in chief Kate White. Hear that, IBTC? You, too, can be on Cosmo! (And if you look at a gallery of Cosmo covers, and you'll see almost all of the women are touching one thigh, directing attention "down there." My crotch! Let me show you it!)

Over at Men's Health, however, the dudes are covering up. In 2004, half the covers featured shirtless guys; in 2007 there was only one bare-chested man. For Allure, it's all about the best tressed. "Not only abundant hair, but the blowing hair is good for us," says editor Linda Wells. "The worst thing we can do is a really tight, pulled-back style or a hat." And over at Seventeen, some kind of flair is like, totally what a girl wants: "Every cover has to have the doodad," says editor Ann Shoket. "That is, a piece of jewelry... or something that catches your eye." But the person — or personality — on the cover is a big deal as well. Kate White says Cosmo's perfect model is "Someone that you'd love to drive cross country with, you're not going to end up arrested with and with whom you're not going to get bored." Hmm, makes sense that Ms. Lohan was a choice. And Ms. White finds a great cover uh, satisfying. "My sense of a good cover that will sell well is if I want to lick it," she says. "And the Beyoncé [December 2007] cover I licked several times... Before the sun came up." Hey, at least the woman loves her job?

The Science of Covers: Celebs, Cleavage and Sparkle [WWD]

Most Ladymags Continuing To Experience Whiteout Conditions

dodai — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 14:00:00 EST

January is traditionally the month in which the fashion magazines are slimmer than usual. Not the models — the actual publications. In the post-holiday issues, advertising pages are down, and compared to December, it's a slow month in terms of projects, news and celebrities. So often, January is the month you'll find a person of color on the cover! And lo and behold, Rihanna is on Allure, looking gorgeous. (Christina Aguilera is on Marie Claire.) Our own Maria-Mercedes Lara did a tireless search through the January issues of W, Harper's Bazaar, Vogue, Marie Claire, Allure, Glamour, Lucky, Elle and Cosmopolitan, looking for women of color (she uses "ambiguous race" to describe models clearly not meant to be seen as "white.") Her tallies, after the jump.

Women Of Color In The January Fashion Magazines:

W :
Total number of ads: 30
Total number of black women: 2 (1 celebrity; 1 young girl for Marc Jacobs)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

InStyle:
Total number of ads: 61
Total number of black women: 4 (no celebs)
Total number of Asian women: 1
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Total number of fashion spreads: 0 (not counting Katie Holmes)
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Allure:
Total number of ads: 50
Total number of black women: 5 (3 celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 1 (a "real woman" for Proactiv)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 2 (1 celebrity)

Total number of fashion spreads: 1
Total number of black women: 0 (but Rihanna is on the cover!)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Vogue:
Total number of ads: 54
Total number of black women: 8 (3 celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 1 (1 celebrity)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 3
Total number of black women: 1 (Chanel Iman, in the accessories spread)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Harper's Bazaar:
Total number of ads: 29
Total number of black women: 1 (1 celebrity)
Total number of Asian women: 1 (1 celebrity)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 2

Total number of fashion spreads: 3
Total number of black women: 1 (Liya Kebede, in an actual fashion spread!)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Elle:
Total number of ads: 49
Total number of black women: 2
Total number of Asian women: 1
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 3
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 1 (Miss Universe, Riyo Mori)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Lucky:
Total number of ads: 43
Total number of black women: 5 (1 celebrity, 1 "real woman")
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Total number of fashion spreads: 1
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Cosmopolitan:
Total number of ads: 59
Total number of black women: 5 (1 "real woman")
Total number of Asian women: 2 (1 "real woman")
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Total number of fashion spreads: 1
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Marie Claire:
Total number of ads: 31
Total number of black women: 5 (1 "real woman")
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 2 (1 "real woman")

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Glamour:
Total number of ads: 46
Total number of black women: 6 (2 celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1 (Jessica Alba?)

Total number of fashion spreads: 3
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Even though January is a slow month, there are many zeroes in the tally above. Non-white models exist! You just won't see them in today's mainstream fashion magazines — despite the fact that black models worked constantly the '80s and '90s. Advertisers know who's out there spending cash, so they attempt to show diversity in their images. But the editors still seem to think that being non-white is "unfashionable." (But guess what? Black men are totally cool and cover-appropriate!) How long are we going to look for black, Latina and Asian models? As long as the billion dollar fashion industry continues to be so blatantly color-blind.

Earlier: Merry Christmas, Black Models, Wherever You Are
Where Are All The Black Models? Let's Start By Asking Anna Wintour
Is Prada To Blame For the Lack Of Black Models?
We're Still Looking For Black Models
Men's Vogue: Not Afraid Of Black People
What's The Message Behind A Black Man In Heels On The Cover Of Vogue?

Loose Lips

Jessica — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:45:00 EST

January, 2008 ladymag cover edition! • Kate Hudson graces the cover of Vogue, and not for the first time, either. K. Hud didn't appear in a single movie in 2007, so it's good she's keeping busy posing for Patrick Demarchelier! At least her kid (click on the tag to see) is frickin adorable. • Allure chose Rihanna as its Jan. cover girl. Ri on her supposed "fling" with Josh Hartnett: "You can't even go out with a friend who's a celebrity and have a good time without people making shit up...well, at least he's good-looking, right?" She keeps it real! • Harper's Bazaar goes with Uma Thurman in metallics for their first 2008 US cover shot. A frantic-looking J.Lo is their choice for the front of the Japanese edition. [Oh No They Didn't, Just Jared, Pop Crunch]

Kate and Ryder are mad for plaid!!!

Merry Christmas, Black Models, Wherever You Are

dodai — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:40:00 EST

Intern Maria did the tireless work of looking for black models, Asian models and models of any color but white in the December issues of the major women's fashion magazines. She writes, "Surprise! There were no women of color in ANY fashion spread (not counting the 'shopping' sections, since spreads are what matters in terms of 'big time modeling'). The products I noticed did use a lot of non-celebrity women of color were mostly skin companies (Aveno, Olay, Johnson and Johnson) and lower price-point companies like Payless Shoes and I.N.C. However, there were also a lot of (non-celeb) Asian women in Rock and Republic and Lord and Taylor ads. Bigger corporate companies like The Gap also threw in a few black and Asian models/celebs into the mix." After the jump, see Maria's tallies for W, Harper's Bazaar, Vogue, Marie Claire, Allure, Glamour, Lucky, Elle and Cosmopolitan.

Maria says, "I counted 'ambiguous race' when I thought the women were intentionally meant to be 'ambiguously' black/asian/white or mixed race."

W
Total number of ads: 103
Total number of black women: 4 (1 was a celebrity, 1 Naomi)
Total number of Asian women: 4
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1 (ad for KLS)

Total number of fashion spreads: 1
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Harper's Bazaar
Total number of ads: 112
Total number of black women: 3 (2 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 1
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 4
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Vogue
Total number of ads: 173
Total number of black women: 10 (6 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 3 (1 celebrity)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 2 (1 celebrity)

Total number of fashion spreads: 4
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Marie Claire
Total number of ads: 99
Total number of black women: 6 (4 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 2
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0
(although they did employ an old Bhutanese man as a "model.")

Allure
Total number of ads: 96
Total number of black women: 5 (2 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Glamour
Total number of ads: 91
Total number of black women: 6 (3 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 1
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 4 (2 were celebrities)

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Lucky
Total number of ads: 147
Total number of black women: 8 (4 were celebrities)
Total number of Asian women: 2
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 3

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Elle
Total number of ads: 161
Total number of black women: 6 (1 celeb, 1 "real woman")
Total number of Asian women: 1
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 3 (1 celebrity)

Total number of fashion spreads: 3
Total number of black women: 0
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Cosmo
Total number of ads: 103
Total number of black women: 3 (Budweiser, Dove, Lee Jeans)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 1 (Levi's)

Total number of fashion spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 1 (Beyonce)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

Total number of beauty spreads: 2
Total number of black women: 2 (1 model, 1 Rihanna)
Total number of Asian women: 0
Total number of Hispanic women: 1 (Christina Milian)
Total number of women of ambiguous race: 0

So, what have we learned? Black, Asian and models of color are still not "fashionable." But advertisers use black and Asian models, because they know not to fuck with buying power — Bethann Hardison talked about this at the NYPL conference. Still - -can you think of another billion dollar industry in which blatant racism is tolerated? And what is a black or Asian woman who loves fashion and fashion magazines to do with this information?

Earlier: Where Are All The Black Models? Let's Start By Asking Anna Wintour
Is Prada To Blame For the Lack Of Black Models?
We're Still Looking For Black Models
What's The Message Behind A Black Man In Heels On The Cover Of Vogue?
ran that story in its October issue on the new hair-straightening technique out of Brazil that uses crazy, dangerous amounts of formaldehyde, there was a spike in women wanting the service. Says Allure editor-in-chief Linda Wells: "It's so illogical that people would willfully pursue something that they know is dangerous... We're not talking about whether red wine raises or lowers cholesterol. We're talking about formaldehyde, which is a known carcinogen." Um, people still smoke cigarettes, don't they? [WWD]

Shameless September Ladymags: 'Allure' Vs. 'Marie Claire'

Anna — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 11:30:00 EDT

Every August, the September issues of the major women's magazines hit newsstands, and every August, media watchers ooh and aah over these magazines' total page counts, cover girls, weights, etc. For the fifth installment of our Expensive Shit (Fight), Interns Maria and Cheryl compare the apparel, accessories, beauty products and other assorted items in Allure and Marie Claire magazines. After the jump, a breakdown of the two magazines' net 'worth'.

Allure
Apparel: $123,263.99 (Most Expensive: $15,550 Armani Silk Dress. Least expensive: $14.50 J. Crew tank top)
Beauty: $482.99 (Most Expensive: $275 Armani Crema Nera. Least expensive: $24.99 L'Oreal Paris Skin Genesis Daily Treatment Serum Concentrate. Number of unpriced beauty items: 197).
Accessories: $105,365.50 (Most Expensive: $27,500 Chanel Alligator and Metal Satin Handbag. Least expensive: $14.50 Capezio cotton legwarmers)
Other: $3,059.99 (Most Expensive 249.99 Motorola Krazr cell phone. Least expensive: $110, Marine Thermal Back Facial at the La Vie Zen Spa)
Total Shit: $232,172.47

Marie Claire
Apparel: $260,587.03 (Most expensive: $96,830 Roberto Cavalli gown. Least expensive: $14.50 Alice Temperley for Target t-shirt)
Beauty: $1,581.99 (Most expensive: $300 Shisedo Bio-Performance Intensive Skin Corrective Program. Least expensive: $7.50 OPI nail polish)
Accessories: $253,010.70 (Most expensive: $17,800 Cartier watch. Least expensive: $11 Hue tights)
Other: $111.95 (Most expensive: $56 Sage candle. Least expensive: $36 Luxe bath crystals)
Total Shit: $515,291.67

Earlier: Shameless September Ladymags: Harper's Bazaar Vs. W
Shameless September Ladymags: Cosmopolitan Vs. Teen Vogue
Shameless September Ladymags: Elle Vs. Vogue
Shameless September Ladymags: Lucky Vs. Glamour

In Defense Of The Badly-Behaved Britney Spears

Anna — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 14:00:00 EDT

The new September issue of Allure has gotten more publicity for the Conde Nast title than the self-professed "Beauty Expert" has had since, well, Natalie Portman confessed that she knew what it felt like to be black. The reason, of course, is the magazine's profile/non-profile of one Britney Jean Spears, who, true to recent form, made a mess of the magazine's cover story about her by simply not showing up for the interview. And also true to form (editor in chief Linda Wells is tenacious, people!) Allure editors decided to run the Michael Thompson-lensed 'story' anyway, enlisting reporter/writer Judith Newman to turn the debacle into a first-person, Waiting For Godot-like scenario starring Ms. Newman herself, a homophobic limo driver, and mortified publicist. But whether she meant it to or not, Ms. Newman's resulting two-and-a-half page piece reads not as an illustration of tragedies that befall the young, the rich, and the restless, but of the situations that arise when you pair petulant, needy, self-absorbed men with talented, successful women. Which is to say: You get Britney Spears and Judith Newman.

But let's back up a minute. Yes, Britney Spears could probably benefit from a course of antidepressants (SSRIs: We heart them!), a lot less boozing and a few months (maybe a year!) of effective-parenting courses. And yes, she doesn't help matters much when she goes out in public without a child car seat/bra/shoes/panties. But don't we have to kind of admire her a bit? This is a woman who just doesn't give a shit, and although she's being accused of not giving a shit about the "right" things (namely, her children) her recent refusal to pretty herself up, starve herself down, and adhere to society's standards of what it means to be a "woman" — after so many years of doing exactly that— is actually pretty fucking awesome. As Mark Stevens wrote in New York Magazine soon after the mid-February head-shaving incident, Britney seems "to be trying, with befuddled brilliance, to tell the truth." And the fact that she's trying to do that at the age of 25 and not later in life, like other used-and-abused pop culture sex objects (see: Fonda, Jane; Bardot, Brigitte) might be even more fucking awesome.

We're not innocent here. We've been complicit in the frenzy that has enveloped Britney Spears. Day after day, week after week, we taunt her, question her, suggest she could benefit from a lobotomy and gleefully compare paparazzo shots of her to the troubled protagonists of two classic Stanley Kubrick movies. Maybe we do this because we think it is funny, or because it is expected, or because, unlike talk show host Craig Ferguson, we have minutes, not hours or days, in which to prepare and present our thoughts about her. Or maybe we are just unoriginal assholes.

Which brings us back to, well, Judith Newman. Ms. Newman, whose Britney profile was singled out by the pop culture blog PopSugar yesterday for being "too nice" (two-thirds of its readers agreed!) had the time to craft an article on the Pop Princess that went beyond repeated references to Cobb salads, limo rides and phone calls to friends (like psychotherapist Jane Greer, who offered the all-too-predictable opinion that Spears is bipolar and drinks to "keep the demons at bay"). In fact, Newman only touched lightly on the issue of Spears' objectification (maybe Allure didn't want to offend its beloved beauty advertisers?), thereby squandering an opportunity to question the common wisdom that it is Britney who is insane, not those around her.

But what was most infuriating, from our point of view, was the fact that Newman overlooked how her own experience as a career woman and mother could have informed her understanding of her absent subject. As was made more than clear throughout the piece, she was not the only person inconvenienced by Spears' flakiness: Newman's husband, John, was hardly happy that his wife was off luxuriating in West Hollywood's Sunset Towers hotel while he remained at home in New York with the couple's two boys. ("Every few hours John called to scream: Who is this girl, and why is she inconveniencing me? Come home now." And later, after another day had gone by and no Britney: "At the magazine, there was some talk of staying another day. At home, there was some talk of divorce.") Perhaps (probably!) Newman was engaging in hyperbole, but what she didn't seem to get was that, whether her husband was actually threatening divorce or simply spearheading a campaign of complaints in order to get her back home, she and Britney Spears were a lot alike at that moment: They were being pulled in too many directions at once.

Of course, a strong case has probably already been made that what lies behind Spears' binge drinking, nipple-flashing, head-shaving and umbrella-wielding is the cumulative effect of the people (mostly men) who have needed her and demanded of her. After all, ever since she was a girl, Spears's life has been controlled by others: The execs at Disney, who took charge of her career when she was a Mouseketeer; the record executives at Jive, who've made a handsome profit off the 31 million albums she's sold in the U.S.; those in the general public, for whom Spears posed half-naked on the covers of magazines like Esquire and Rolling Stone; her on/off manager Larry Rudolph; and of course, Kevin Federline, who, perhaps like Newman's own husband, needed the attention, sympathy and bank account of his more-successful wife to ensure his own survival. But just as Judith Newman finally got fed up waiting around for Spears and decided to "go home", maybe the reason behind Spears' refusal to show up for the Allure interview was that she was fed up too. And it may have been the smartest move she made that day.

Britney Spears: Her Allure Photo Shoot [Allure]
Related: Was Allure Too Kind To Britney? [PopSugar]
Britney Spears, Outsider Artist [NY Mag]
Craig Ferguson Speaks From The Heart [YouTube]
Earlier: You've Got To Admire Her A Little Bit Because Miss Britney Jean Spears Obviously Doesn't Give A Shit
Britney Spears Mixes Up Her Stanley Kubrick Visual Metaphors
'Allure' Editor Linda Wells: Determined, Impatient, Logical

Britney Spears Needs A Makeover Almost As Bad As She Needs A Lobotomy

Moe — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 09:30:21 EDT

That issue of Allure with Britney Spears on the cover is here, and she looks... so seductive. So come-hither. That "Bombshell hair"....that "Clear, Radiant Skin"....that uh... "Secret Eating." Is that why she's in that weird crazy person crawling on the floor pose? Because she scarfed down a few pints of Chubby Hubby in the bathroom and she can't get up? Or because she's crazy? We'll never know, because she didn't show up for any of those "revealing" interviews they always promise. Oh. Well. Know what? I know fucking enough about Britney Spears already and I'd rather just let The Superficial imagine the rest of it for me.

'Allure' Editor Linda Wells: Determined, Impatient, Logical

Anna — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 11:15:00 EDT

How in God's name does a magazine like Allure survive year after Creme de la Mer-laden year? Well, besides lots of quid pro quo between advertisers and beauty editors, the continued durability of the magazine owes a lot to Linda Wells, who went from being a Connecticut-born, über-blonde beauty/style reporter for the NY Times to a 5th Avenue-residing, über-blonde editor of Si Newhouse's paean to everything pretty, polished, or associated with Patricia Wexler. After the jump, graphologist Sheila Kurtz analyzes Wells' tomato-red scribble (try the aptly-named Fifth Avenue from Essie Cosmetics, $8, to get the look at home!) and finds that behind the fine lines and plumped-up curves lurks a judgmental, direct, suprisingly-deep thinker who is most definitely set in her WASP-y ways.

What stands out in this signature is that you cannot read Linda Wells' first name. The form she uses seems to be a series of poetic sweeps. There is a hook at the end, a sign of tenacity. The writer will hold on tightly to hard-won gains and whatever else is important to her. There is a slash at the top of the first-name form, an indication of impatience, perhaps born in frustration, perhaps annoyance with a slow pace, perhaps with too many duties and details.

This writer communicates directly and does not like to waste time. The roundedness of the forms is a sign of methodical thinking, where the writer steps from one fact to another and another to reach a logical conclusion.

However, the last name, Wells, is clear and readable.

The "e" loop is closed, a sign that the writer filters new ideas through a screen of prejudgments and/or preconceptions.

One "l" of the two l's shows a narrow loop, a sign of some proficiency in abstract thinking (music, mathematics, philosophy).

The small loop visible in the middle of the "W" is a sign that that the writer tends to worry an issue (and gets impatient with herself and others) until the issue is resolved.

Earlier: 'Allure' Magazine's Not-So-Groundbreaking 'Investigation'
Anna Wintour Not Exactly A Style Icon To 'Allure' Magazine

Over at the Allure message board, things ...

Dodai — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 11:30:00 EDT

Over at the Allure message board, things are getting a little bit sad, reports Radar. See, the "Panic Room" is a forum where Allure readers interested in a "Total Makeover" can go when they're "feeling out of control." They're encouraged to "resist cravings here with tips and support from other Total Makeover dieters." But in addition to the 30-something target demographic, the boards have been inundated with teens posting messages with titles like "starving myself - i need help - i'm always dizzy" and posts like "looking to tone up before 8th grade." A rep for Allure says, "Upon hearing that some users have not met the criteria of our user agreement we are taking steps to correct this." We think an intervention would be better than just booting the kids off the boards, but hell, what do we know? [Radar]

Jessicas Are All Pretty Bitches

Anna — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 16:43:07 EDT

"It wasn't like I was Jessica or something. All the pretty girls were named Jessica." So says Liv Tyler in the new issue of Allure magazine, where the Lord of The Rings elf-lady laments her given name (bestowed upon her by her rock-band groupie mother Bebe Buell after Bebe spotted Norwegian actress Liv Ullmann on the cover of, uh, TV Guide). And although Liv Tyler is now older, probably prettier and definitely richer than all the Jessicas who made her life such a living hell, the actress brought up an important point: What is it with Jessicas? An informal, 3-person poll around the Jezebel office concluded thus: Jessicas are not only pretty, they're also often kind of evil!

Anna, for one, has had uniformly bad experiences with most of the Jessicas she's come across (back-stabbing, unnecessarily competitive, conniving, and don't get her started on Seinfeld's wife) as has Moe ("They're mean, popular, showered with attention. I mean, my best friend is named Jessica but it's not like I"m going to go out looking for 'Jessicas' to befriend.") And don't get Jenny started either: ("I do not like Jessicas. They are the blonde mean girls, the ones who talk to you with an expression on their faces like they think you're a big fat loser. Jessicas are just not nice girls. Jessica at camp was a bitch. And I went to college with Jessica Biel. And I do have a beef with her!") Okay, then! Jessicas — even (or especially!) the famous ones! — suck! But when it comes to names that inspire hatred or admiration — logical or otherwise — can we blame nature or nurture? Do Jessicas suck because they were simply born that way or because they became that way through the normal parry and thrust that is childhood socialization? And is the same true for women with "nice" names like, say, Emily or Julie or Stephanie or Elizabeth or Sarah? We're gonna investigate this further — in the midst of dodging the verbal bullets sure to come our way from those who know and love a Jessica! — in later posts, but let us know in the comments. And don't be shy — give it up for the boys too. (Never trust a Chris, we like to say!).

Allure
Related: Jessica [BabyNamer]
The Baby Name Business [WSJ]

'Allure' Magazine's Not-So-Groundbreaking 'Investigation'

Anna — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 12:15:58 EDT

The perpetually-peeved blogger over at at Glossed Over — "Vanity, Vitriol and Fashion Magazines" — has done what we have not: Called out the new issue of Allure for its ridiculous (or, considering Lindsay Lohan's latest troubles, prescient!) article on the "star party scene" in Hollywood, that is. Specifically, the "Glossed Over" gal describes writer Mary A. Fischer's 2-page story as "[not] quite Pulitzer-worthy (duh!) "downright lazy" (yes!) and "barely restrained" (huh?), adding, "The article fails to break any ground whatsoever, attempting to stun us with... facts that should be patently obvious to anyone over the age of 16 who's ever watched one measly episode of Access Hollywood." We couldn't agree more!

But even more helpful than the "Glossed Over" blogger articulating exactly what we'd been thinking is her lovely roundup of the Tinseltown drunks and addicts who make anonymous appearances in the Allure article, including:

a beautiful young starlet
a model who, before she cleaned up her act, ran in these circles
one celebrity party girl
a film editor (We say: no one cares.)
a high-profile celebrity
a well-known celebrity and two of her friends

Whoever could these people be? (Besides Lindsay Lohan and/or Nicole Richie). Let us know in the comments.

Shocking Allure Investigation Reveals That Stars Take Drugs [Glossed Over]

Be Yourself (But Be Yourself More With A Boob Job!)

Anna — Thu, 31 May 2007 09:32:39 EDT

Love your body! Lose ten pounds by summer! Embrace your curls! How to get the perfect blowout! Mixed messages in women's mags are as chronic as our UTIs, but rarely do they appear on the exact same page. Until now! In the latest installment of Allure's "Mood News" roundup, readers are treated to some very curious emotional enlightenment. Such as: Did you know that ever since the 1970s, people's need "for social approval" has stayed fairly low? Because as divorce and crime rates go up, conformity to social norms dip and it becomes "more important to just be yourself"? But then... this! "Getting breast surgery tends to improve women's mental health, two studies suggest." (Sigh. Sometimes women's magazine editors make it so damn easy.) Anyway, after the jump, see how the two stories literally stack up.

Allure

Anna Wintour Not Exactly A Style Icon To 'Allure' Magazine

Anna — Tue, 29 May 2007 11:15:36 EDT

Poor Anna Wintour. First there was the news that recently-convicted fashion journalist Peter Braunstein wanted to kill her and now, one of the Vogue editor's own sister publications has essentially deemed her irrelevant. In a four-page feature on "the bob" in the June issue of Allure, readers are treated to how-to-wear it advice from celeb stylists and a photo gallery of famous femmes with the sheared-off style. But among the featured "A-list" models (Evangelista, Campbell), starlets (Bosworth, Tatou) and silver-screen icons (Dunaway, Brooks) with the blunt haircut there is no Anna to be found.

What gives? We know that Conde Nast editors have no problem featuring their publishing brethren in the pages of their glossy magazines, so what could account for the exclusion of the woman widely thought to be America's foremost arbiter of style? Does Allure editor Linda Wells simply not like Anna, with whom she worked at Vogue in the early-to-mid 80s? And, more importantly, does the magazine's inclusion of, um, Victoria Beckham mean there's only room for one expressionless English fashion "icon" per issue?

Allure

Compact Lens

Anna — Thu, 24 May 2007 12:09:33 EDT

Someone in the PR department over at Chantecaille Beaute (you know, with an "accent" on the "e"!) either has some great dirt on the magazine industry's major beauty editors, or at least a great way of paying them off. What else would explain the $420 makeup compact — or as seen in Harper's Bazaar, its "cheaper" sibling — that has appeared in no fewer than four women's magazines over the past two months? And yes, we know that sales of the compact "benefit" the preservation of coral reefs; and we don't much care. After the jump, a gallery of four of the major offenders. (Glamour magazine's version seen above).

Clockwise from top left: Lucky (June); Elle (May); Bazaar (June); Allure (June)

Fashion Roundup

Anna — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 13:37:41 EST

Naomi Watts may sign on as spokesmodel for Escada, that is, if she's not too pissed that they outed her pregnancy on Oscar Sunday. [WWD]

Here's what a real women eats during fashion week. Take that, Anne Slowey. [Jane Mag]

Manhattan boutique owner/designer fashions a dress out of Metro Cards. We wonder what this guy and this gal would think of it? [Fashionista]

Actress Maggie Cheung has designed a panda pendant (we love pandas!) that changes clothes. [WWD]

Allure magazine to partner with new Bravo show Shear Genius, a reality competition for hairstylists. [WWD]

Some rich, dumb American loves the Polo Ralph Lauren brand so much she named her child after it. Also, Coach products induce delusions of wealth. [WWD]

MagHag: Allure, February 2007

Anna — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 22:15:21 EST

Maybe it's just me, but I don't pick up Allure anymore unless one of my favorite actresses is on the cover. Seeing that I have few favorite actresses anymore under the age of 40 and with a Conde Nast-approved Body Mass Index of under 20, this means I pick it up, say, once a year.

The magazine is a snooze (or maybe it's that I've just gotten older), with pages upon pages of what is essentially advertorial and the stray, insightful article by some smart writer from another Conde Nast magazine. The February 2007 issue, however, seems to be different. At first. After all, there's cover girl Julianne Moore, who I believe, is both over 40 and with a BMI well over half that number. And I'm liking the clumpy-mascara look on the cover photo, despite Allure's claim that the majority of the makeup used by Gucci Westman on Julianne was made by Revlon, one of Julianne's employers. [For those who don't know this already, women's magazines lie about stuff like this]. I'm also enjoying the fact that two of the magazine's staff contributors — Elizabeth Einstein and Lindsy Van Gelder — admit upfront in their contributors' bios that they don't really care that much about makeup or getting facials. Brava, girls! For the next step in your recovery might we suggest a public admission that you think Ron Perelman is a short little pig?

Things, unfortunately, go downhill from here. In her editor's letter, Linda Wells recounts what she undoubtedly feels is an illuminating story about a friend, Jane, who turned up at a party wearing black velvet shorts with tights, platform shoes and a flowy white top. The lesson to be learned? Well, Linda's point is that when you wear an outfit with confidence, it will undoubtedly look "right". Fascinating stuff, that is.

Onward and downward. I'm intrigued by the Sarah Van Boven feature on women with serious hair loss, mostly because of a not-so-blind item in an essay in this book by a former Allure editor (and, full disclosure, a former boss of mine) that seems to imply that Linda Wells herself suffers from such an ailment (and may even wear a hairpiece). Why this has never made the gossips, only Richard Johnson knows.

Page 120: Allure reports that two professors at USC have concluded that celebrities have a tendency towards narcissistic traits that lead them towards the limelight, "rather than vice versa." Pages 121-181: A spa directory package (yawn); a feature on shimmery eye-makeup (written by poor Elizabeth Einstein, who, as you'll remember, admits up front that she couldn't care less about cosmetics); a feature on hair accessories with NO PRICES ATTACHED; a story on happiness by Rebecca Mead (you're slumming it, girlfriend); and a fashion feature on spring-y, flirty frocks with again, NO PRICES.

Last up, the story I've been waiting for: the Julianne Moore profile by Kevin Sessums. Kevin, who used to write puff pieces for Vanity Fair, seems to have acquired an edge in the ensuing years, as he all but calls Julianne old within the first paragraph:

"There is something about [NYC's Broadway district] on such a morning that can remind you of a woman past her prime but still beautiful. At least that's the image that comes to mind before I open the stage door of the Music Box Theatre, and a fresh-faced Julianne Moore comes bounding down the stairs to greet me."

But Sessums makes up for his diss - and recalls the good 'ol Vanity Fair days - in the very next paragraph with agonizing pronouncements like these:

"...her mass of unbrushed curls, the color of a rusty sunset."
"...as if captured in one of those luminous closeups for which she has become known."
"She is the kind of actress whose otherworldly beauty onscreen, glazed both by life and lighting, can't quite mask her earthiness."

Will someone put Kevin Sessums out if his misery already?

Overall Grade: D-

And you think YOU'VE got problems?

eurotrash — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 11:42:32 EST

At this time of year it's all too easy to forget the less fortunate as we surrender ourselves to the annual holiday orgy of conspicuous consumption. Fortunately, Allure magazine is there with an inspirational tale of triumph over the darkest tragedy you could ever imagine even if your family was killed and you lost both your legs and then went blind and your dog was run over.

Prepare to be spiritually cleansed after the jump.

Hankies at the ready, girls. Meet 'Jeanne McCulloch', former managing editor of Paris Review, whatever that is.

Poor Jeanne had the misfortune, nay, the curse of growing up unimaginably wealthy. As she notes in her bio, "My boyfriends used to sit through our family meals with a butler and finger bowls, and my mother throwing champagne glasses." Bummer, huh?

Anyway, in an essay entitled 'The Perilous Dune', Jeanne endeavours to explain to us lumpen proles how 'Growing up rich brought privilege and comfort' to her, but also, 'confusion and a sense of a life that was fleeting.' Hoo! While we know there must be a few HIV-positive crack whores out there who have arrived at the same conclusion, they had it way too easy, growing up without the burden of Yves St Laurent couture and a chauffer. So they don't count.

The gist of this heartbreaking tale is that our Jeanne grew up rich because her dad was rich, and one day her dad bought a beach house which was really nice. And then, after her parents died, Jeanne and her sisters had to sell the place to appease the evil INS. I mean, can you imagine the pain? We mere mortals are fortunate indeed never to have to endure the unbearable agony of selling a beach house, and we thank the Lord Almighty for that. Amen.

Oh yeah, some beachside neighbor killed himself one time, which led Jeanne to the revelation that 'a mansion by the sea can just as easily be a jail cell as a dreamscape'. While there may be a few thousand residents of Rikers who would quibble with that assertion, they are deluded because they have never had to shoulder the burden of an Armani suit. Fools.

And so, post beach-house sale, laden down unendurably by the proceeds, Jeanne takes her son Sam to the beach, where she experiences her most profound revalation.

"His legacy isn't about any cushion of wealth that's going to soften his ride. His legacy is infinity, the sense of infinite possibility."

And a few million dollars. Poor defenceless child.

We weep silent tears for you Jeanne. Really, we do.