[New York, October 27. Image via Splash.]

• Angelina was on the red carpet in New York over the weekend, talking about her family. "Everybody's great," she said. "The babies are getting big and healthy and developing personalities." She says she has been a "little bit" sleep deprived but she and Brad find relief: "We have some help a couple of nights a week, so on those nights we catch up on our sleep." [UPI]
• Brad Pitt was there too: They are obviously not broken up. [Daily News]
• More from Angie: "Even if we lock our door, the children come knocking. We often try to have a bath alone together at the end of the night and sit and talk, but they hear the water and want to jump in. But it’s fun and it’s lovely – the thing about having six is once you’ve passed three or four, it’s so crazy anyway that it’s just more chaos and it’s all OK." When asked if she feels if she has completed her family, Angie said, "No." [Mirror]
• Angie somehow found time for two new tattoos: She now has the map coordinates of Nice, France, where her twins were born. [LA Times]
• But! As for adopting more kids Angie says: "I think we're going to wait a little while." [People]

• Lindsay Lohan is also feeling brood-y. She says: "At some point, I want to adopt a kid… A child in need or a newborn from another country. I’m not sure yet." [Mirror]
• Samantha Ronson sent Perez Hilton a check for $86,832: The amount to cover his legal fees in her failed libel lawsuit. [E!]
• Lauren Conrad on the rumor that she hooked up with Justin Bobby: "These accusations are so crazy, it's difficult for me to take them seriously. While my usual taste in guys isn't always perfect, I do prefer they shower regularly." [E!]
• History was made Saturday night, when Tyler Perry became the first African-American ever to launch his own major TV and film studio. Oprah cried. [People]
• Speaking of Oprah, she is being sued by the former headmistress of the Big O's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa for defamation of character. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse supposedly received a "welcoming" phone call from the Church of Scientology, in which they offered her detox help. So crazy it just might work? [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has one thing going for her: She's not broke. [Mirror]
• Blake Incarcerated sent Amy's dad a "vile and abusive" letter filled with threats. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Holy crap, did Courtney Love have gastric band surgery to stay thin? [Perez Hilton]
• Eddie Van Halen: Engaged. [People]
• Elizabeth Taylor is "heartbroken" after the death of Paul Newman. They starred together in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and were friends for years. [Daily Express]
• Gossip Girl is pulling in better ratings than it did a year ago, but the producer says "We try not to live and die by the ratings." [NY Daily News]
• David Letterman has a great Sarah Palin recap video. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Miss Jackson is still nasty: Janet has postponed 3 more shows our her tour due to illness. [AP]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, was at the Stella McCartney show, being disruptive by clapping along to the music "way too loud." Paul McCartney was just a few seats away. [Daily Express]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham in yet another pair of ridiculous shoes. [The Sun]
• Johnny Depp wants to be in the Little Britain movie. Computer says yes? [Mirror]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off this weekend in New Jersey; there were "guest appearances" by Kanye West and Justin Timberlake and the performance was a "success." This review says: "The 50-year-old has toughened up, replacing some of the frothiness of her pure pop days with a bracing physicality." [Variety]
• Kylie Minogue was seen "looking cozy" with a "dark-haired mystery man" in Paris. Get it! [The Sun]
• Rachael Ray has a benign cyst on her vocal cord, which she'll have minor surgery to remove in early December. [UPI]
• So you know how we heard that Ali Lohan might work with Johnny Wright, who had produced Justin Timberlake and the Jonas Brothers? Johnny Wright says: "Johnny Wright has never met with Ali Lohan, has never been introduced to Ali Lohan, nor has he had a meeting with Ali or Dina Lohan regarding Ali's music career. While he wishes Ali Lohan the best in all her endeavors, Mr. Wright has never had any intention of speaking with Ali Lohan regarding her career. Any story that has surfaced about such a meeting holds no merit and is completely false." Haha wow. [Page Six]
• Salma Hayek wore a traditional Bavarian dress on German TV and her cups runneth over. [The Sun]
• Pam Anderson delivered Hugh Hefner's birthday cake — in the nude. [Mirror]
• Beyoncé's "wedding" ring is about 18 carats and worth about $4.3 million dollars. Don't drop it down the drain! [Daily Mail]
• Blind items! #1: "Which wife of a rock superstar has been punishing him for going to strip clubs without her? The spouse has spent about $30 million on a house they don't really need to get back at him for not including her in his adventures." #2: "Which boy-band member is going to shock his female fans when he comes out of the closet?" [Page Six]
• Emma Thompson says her her biggest accomplishment in life was "giving birth without painkillers" and her happiest moment was: "just after giving birth without painkillers." [Daily Express]
• David Hasselhoff's ex-wife blabs about the Hoff being a drunk: "He’s an alcoholic. He has a disease, just like cancer." [Daily Mail]
• Shakira's for Obama. [AP]
• Rumer Willis was named after the British writer Rumer Godden: "I don’t know whether my mom had read much of her stuff, I guess she may have just been in a bookshop and liked the sound of it. I used to get teased at school, Rumer Tumor, that kind of thing, but I’ve got used to it. You do." [Times Of London]
• David Spade has texted Heather Locklear to check in with her. He says: "I think there's no one that doesn't feel for her or have nice things to say about her in my experience." [People]
• Bond vs. Bond! Sean Connery's new book, Being A Scot, has sold only 5,000 copies since its release in August. Roger Moore's biography, My Word Is Bond, is doing much better. [Telegraph]
• Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton says The Spice Girls are over. "We're all in our 30s now and, let's face it, by then most people aren't doing the same thing they were when they were 18, which is how old I was when I first met the girls. I'm ready to move forward." [Daily Mail]
• A judge has ordered a Texas doctor and his wife not to distribute video footage of Anna Nicole Smith's breast augmentation surgery in 1994. Thanks, judge. [The Star UK]
• Joss Stone will make her small screen debut in The Tudors, playing Henry VIII's wife Anne of Cleves. [Daily Express]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't want his kids to inherit his £750million fortune. He says: "They aren’t bothered. They don’t think that way. It is about having a work ethic – I don’t believe in inherited money at all. I am not in favour of children suddenly finding a lot of money coming their way because then they have no incentive to work." [Mirror]
• Does Marilyn Manson owe his former bandmate $20 million in back pay? He'll be in court November 3 and we'll find out. [E!]
• Sad face: Carol Channing fell at her home and broke her leg and hip. Speedy recovery! [Modesto Bee]
• If you want to know all about John Lennon's adultery pact, when he left Yoko Ono for a year of "reckless debauchery" and told her, "You must take a lover too," then click here. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Bacon will produce a Showtime series called The Booths about the man who would assassinate Abraham Lincoln. [Variety]
• Rod Stewart's son is in rehab. [The Sun]
• Jude Law picked up some dancer at a club in NYC and she stayed "holed up" in his hotel room for three days. [Page Six]
• There's Bull Durham sequel in the works. No, really. [Page Six]
• "I'm going to stop playing when I'm 67 and work on what I really want to do, which is to be a minister, like Little Richard." — Carlos Santana. [Reuters]
• "I've always admired her talent. She's somewhat hampered sometimes by having this gorgeous face, the most gorgeous face on the planet. She's on covers and all that stuff. But she is a great talent, and it would be easy to overlook that, except after seeing this you realize that she is this great, talented person." — Clint Eastwood on Angelina Jolie, who stars in The Changeling, which he directed. [People]
• "I really loved my husband's penis. It was really pretty." — Pink. [Mirror]

• Liz Taylor is reportedly on life support after suffering heart failure. A source says, "Doctors though they were going to lose her." The 76-year-old was diagnosed with pneumonia last week. Be well! [Daily Mail]
• Tom Cruise is named in a $250 million federal lawsuit against the Church of Scientology. It seems that the guy behind the suit, Peter Letterese, is using a celebrity name to get attention. It's working. [Rush & Molloy]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick left a NYC restaurant. Together. Which is a "show of unity" after the news of his affair broke, according to this paper. [Daily Mail]
• Ryan Gosling made his DJ debut at the Green Door Lounge in Hollywood Tuesday night and guess who showed up? Rachel McAdams! Ryan and his ex talked when he was away from the booth and a spy says, "He seemed happy to see her." Ryan played tunes from the '40s and '50s. [People]

• The best news we've heard in a long time: Britney Spears wants nothing to do with Sam Lutfi. [TMZ]
• Also, Britney's conservatorship — in which her dad takes care of her — will be extended until the fall. [TMZ]
• Blake Incarcerated is so depressed he's stopped his mopping job. A source says, "[It] may sound funny, but it gave him something to do. Instead he mopes around his cell." Jail isn't supposed to be fun, babe! [The Sun]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester: Dating Entourage's Joshua LeBar? [Star]
• Jennifer Garner was seen walking out of a doctor's office with a piece of paper with the words "March 2" circled, so E! is speculating that March 2 could be her due date. Didn't she say she was four months pregnant? March is seven months from now. Babies don't hang in there for 11 months. Also, who the hell cares what her due date is? [E!]
• Ivana Trump fell while partying on Denise Rich's yacht in Saint-Tropez. She's gonna be okay. [Rush & Molloy]
• Kate Middleton refused to upgrade to first class on her trip to Barbados to meet Prince William; she wanted to be treated as a regular passenger. Um, if there is a first class seat to the Caribbean up for grabs, I know someone who wants it. I've already packed. [The Sun]
• Alicia Keys protested her concert in Indonesia being sponsored by cigarettes, so Philip Morris pulled the billboards and posters down. She also released a statement: "I am an unyielding advocate for the well-being of children around the world and do not condone or endorse smoking," she said. Love her! [Yahoo News]
• On an episode of Living Lohan, Ali went on a casting call and met with some Hollywood types — including Peter Davy. He's made some "adult" movies like Breast Wishes 14 and Bun Sisters 12. So yeah, at 14, she's already met a porn producer. [MSNBC]
• Jessica Simpson is on the cover of Elle in a skin-tight plaid shirt and jeans. And the writer asked her if she'd ever been abused: "I don't want to talk about it, but I have definitely experienced abuse in a way that I would tell people to take their heart and run," she said. Wait, what? [ET]
• Liv Tyler's estranged husband Royston Langdon might sing for Velvet Revolver, now that Scott Weiland has left the band. Shallow opinion that is neither here nor there: Scott's hotter. [People]
• Kanye's late mother, Donda West, owes $606,983.43 on her home; it's being foreclosed upon. Kanye's got some paperwork to take care of. [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon's money troubles continue: He owes lawyers $275,000 for handling his daughter's divorce. Ouch. [Yahoo News]
• Katy Perry recorded a song called Breakout a few years ago and Miley Cyrus did it recently. You can hear both and pick a fave if you care. [ONTD]
• The Black Crowes are suing Gretchen Wilson for song stealing. Her "Work Hard, Play Harder" apparently has parts of their 1991 track "Jealous Again." [Yahoo News]
• Oh! You can compare and contrast the songs here. [E!]
• Kid Rock's being accused of assault. This is from a 2006 incident with autograph seekers at Hollywood's Roosevelt Hotel. You know what's funny? Someone wanted Kid Rock's autograph. [Yahoo News]
• India.Arie was supposed to debut on Broadway in For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf, but there's a delay, due to money probs. Boo. [USA Today]
• Chuck Kelly and his ad agency partner Chris Preston wanted to name their company Kelly Preston. Except they realized there is a Kelly Preston, and she's married to John Travolta. Although she was born Kelly Kamalelehua Palzis. [AdFreak]
• Jacob The Jeweler is suing Wyclef Jean over non-payment for bling. [Crain's]
• Remember D'Angelo? There's a story about him in the August issue of Spin. Apparently being sexy ruined his life. "We couldn’t get through one song before women would start to scream for him to take off something,” says an insider. "It wasn’t about the music. All they wanted was for him to take off his clothes." Another source says,"He’d get angry and started breaking shit. The audience thinking, 'fuck your art, I wanna see your ass!' made him angry." Welcome to life as an object. Many women know exactly how you feel. [Stereohyped]
• "Dylan was doing occupations at school recently and the teacher said, 'You have to go home and ask Mummy and Daddy what they do.' So we were trying to explain to Dylan that we make movies and he went to Michael, 'Hang on. Mama makes movies, you make pancakes!' So my two-time Oscar-winning husband with a career of 40 years looks at me and says, 'Oh, it’s come to that!' — Catherine Zeta Jones discussing her son (and husband Michael Douglas). [The Sun]
• Doug Reinhardt, who went out with Lauren Conrad briefly, went on the radio and said, "She a good kisser." What a gentleman. [E!]
• "It's about empowering girls," Lauren says of The Hills. "You're gonna have bad boyfriends and best friends-turned-enemies. You need to be yourself, you need to work hard and you'll get there." [ET]

[New York, July 27. Image via Splash.]

• Britney Spears is in Louisiana! Her 17-year-old sister Jamie Lynn should be delivering a baby super soon. [People]
• Jamie Lynn's induced labor could be happening RIGHT NOW! (Possible baby name: Cailynn, a composite of Casey and Lynn.) [ONTD]
• It could be a C-section, you guys. [DListed]
• Kevin Federline has a new gal and she might have an arrest record. [TMZ]
• Cynthia Nixon had breast augmentation? And Kristin Davis had varicose veins removed? Really? [Page Six]
• In an old voicemail Charlie Sheen left for Denise Richards, Charlie dropeed the N-word and a bunch of F-bombs. Sez Charles: "I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended, especially to Tony Todd, an African American, who was my best man at my first two weddings." Uh, yeah, that makes it all better. [E!]

• Mary Tyler Moore! Back on TV! Lipstick Jungle! "I'm fortunate to have had a front row seat to the evolution of working women on television," said Moore. "It's been great fun to watch the strong female characters of Lipstick Jungle go at it week after week. I absolutely adore Brooke and I'm delighted to be a part of a show which is so well written." [NBC/Universal]
• OMG. Ali Lohan is up for the lead in a remake of the movie Troll? [E!]
• Anne Hathaway and ex Raffaello Follieri: The break up is "very amicable." [Page Six]
• The dude who judges America's Got Talent (and is not David Hasselhofff), Piers Morgan, was apparently the "cupid" who introduced Paul McCartney to Heather Mills. Whoops! "I was fooled into thinking that she was a good person," Piers says. [Page Six]
• Music mogul Tommy Mottola had the audacity to throw a CD launch party and not offer free food to the press attending. [Page Six]
• Cops call James Gandolfini "Jesus Christ." [Page Six]
• Ann Rice was a virgin until she got married? [Page Six]
• Justin Timberlake's best friend and business partner, Trace Ayala, is engaged to Reba star JoAnna Garcia. Congrats! [People]
• Ashlee Simpson was at the opening of Pete Wentz's new bar and showed off her "baby curves." [People]
• So you know how, back when she was a stylist, Kim Kardashian worked for Brandy? And Brandy's mom says KK still owes her more than $120,000 in unauthorized charges on her credit card? And she filed a lawsuit? There's a trial date! February 17, 2009. [E!]
• Jennifer Hudson wishes Barack Obama would call her. [E!]
• Ooh, Rue McClanahan talking about her "sordid" life. Golden Girls Gone Wild! [ONTD]
• J.J. Abrams, creator of Alias and Lost, is working on a film based on a New York Times article called Mystery Of Fifth Avenue. [ET]
• The Emmy nominations are being announced by Neil Patrick Harris and Kristin Chenowith this morning! [ET]
• Does Calum Best want Lindsay Lohan back? A source says he's been secretly texting LL. And! When they were together, "Lindsay couldn't get enough of his bedroom antics." Ha, well, things may have changed. Coughlezebelcoughcough. [Mirror]
• Since Amy Winehouse is in the hospital, will she miss Nelson Mandela's birthday show? [Mirror]
• Baby mama drama for 50 Cent: Shaniqua Tompkins, the mother of his 11-year-old son, says Fiddy is responsible for the fire that destroyed her Long Island mansion last month. 50 says that's not true and that Ms. Tompkins has made it "practically impossible" for him to speak to his son since the fire. (Girl… It's easy to love me now. Would you love me if I was down and out?) [Rush & Molloy]

And for those of us counting at home, the Lindsay mentions in this 22 minute episode came to a grand total of 11.

[New York, May 28. Image via Splash.]

• Jude Law and Kimberley Stewart: Seen drinking champagne and snogging each other in Cannes. He's a 35-year-old father of four; she's a 28-year-old party girl who used to date Cisco Adler (She got a tattoo reading "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Cisco," which, after their breakup, she changed to "Daddy's Little Girl Loves Disco.") Also, when she had her implants removed, she sent them to Jack Osbourne, who hung them on his wall. [Mirror]

• Oh, gross, there are pictures of Jude and Kim making out. Blech. [The Sun]
• Did Shania Twain split with her husband Mutt Lange because he was having an affair with the secretary? [People]
• Lindsay Lohan is being sued over that fur coat she "borrowed." You know, the one LL picked up at a club and left wearing, even though it wasn't hers? The real owner saw pictures of LL wearing the coat in a magazine. "It was my coat. It was no doubt," 22-year-old Masha Markova says. Later the coat mysteriously returned to the club. [People]
• Also: Lindsay has always told people she wouldn't be on her mom's reality show. So why is Dina Lohan saying: "I told Lindsay I don’t want her on the show right now. … Doing reality TV would almost be taking a step backward as far as her career goes." [MSNBC]
• Ali Lohan's been targeted by Mean Girls! She says: "A couple of girls in school made up a video of me and put it up on YouTube. They used disgusting words. Like if my mom ever heard me say that stuff, I'd be grounded for life!" [People]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had dinner with Clint Eastwood, Brett Ratner and Mick Jagger on the Côte d'Azur last night; what did you do? [People]

• Britney is back in LA after her five-day Costa Rican adventure at Mel Gibson's house. [ET]

• Pete Doherty was kicked out of the soccer event he attended for peeing in a trophy. [The Sun]
• Madonna: Seen chatting up Mike Tyson. [Mirror]
• Kiefer Sutherland is single. He filed for divorce from wife Elizabeth Kelly Winn in 2004 and a judge made it official on Friday. [Mirror]
• It's official: Katie Holmes will be in Arthur Miller's All My Sons on Broadway. [People]
• Owen Wilson is dealing with this most recent breakup with Kate Hudson by "immersing himself in blondes, boobs and beer." Owen spent four and a half hours at a strip club in Philadelphia last Thursday. [Page Six]
• Nick Cannon was trying to have a boys' weekend at the MGM Grand Foxwoods when Mariah called at 1 a.m. and told him to come home. "He didn't look happy about it," a source says. [Page Six]
• Lynne Spears was seen telling Jill Zarin of Real Housewives of New York City that she is on Team Jill. [Page Six]
• After making a nasty audio mashup of her voice, Howard Stern wants to make peace with Dolly Parton. "She's had a long career and she's been hot the whole time," he says, which doesn't make things better. [Page Six]
• Audrina from The Hills: Has a sister who's heavily tattooed. [Rush & Molloy]
• This video of the new cast of 90210 makes me feel old. [ET]
• Scarlett Johansson's best friend Jessie Baylin says ScarJo's wedding to Ryan Reynolds will be great. "I'm really excited for them," Jessie tells E!. "I think Ryan is amazing. She’s beautiful, and she’s going to look beautiful." [E!]
• Gwyneth Paltrow bares her left breast in hew new film, Two Lovers. Didn't we already see them in Shakespeare In Love? [Fox News]
• Jesse Metcalfe trashed a hotel room in San Diego, yawn. [Page Six]
• Opening arguments are set to begin in the R. Kelly trial. [Yahoo News]
• Oy! Sex And The City posters are banned in two Israeli cities (Jerusalem and Petah Tikva) because municipal officials don't want the word "sex" on display in the religious towns. [USA Today]
• Jennifer Hudson is releasing a CD in September. Even though he was on the Dreamgirls soundtrack, this will be her debut album. [Reuters]
• Vegas, baby! The ladies of The View are headed to sin city to broadcast from Caesars Palace for a week. [UPI]
• Naomi Campbell is on the official Ugly Betty podcast. See the video! [ONTD]
• Now that California has overturned the ban on gay marriage, Star Trek's George Takai is planning his wedding! The lucky guy is Brad Altman, his 54-year-old business manager. [Reuters]
• Spencer Pratt is firing back at Brody Jenner's dad, who called Spencer a "bad influence." "That's a bold statement for someone who only decided to try and be Brody's father after Brody got famous," Spencer says. Um, you know you're talking about Bruce Jenner, who won Olympic gold and was on boxes of Wheaties, right? [Us Magazine]
• The honeymoon is over: Pete Wentz is being sued by a fan who claims Wentz beat him up at a Fall Out Boy show last year. [E!]
• Filmmaker Pedro Almodovar is known for his strong women, but he's focusing on his male characters with his next flick. [Guardian]
• Lane Garrison, the Prison Break actor who is serving time for vehicular manslaughter, is being moved to a maximum-security lockup, uh-oh. [E!]
• Some dude was blasting Mariah Carey in his car and when he stopped at a red light, another guy pulled up and called the Mariah lover a "derogatory name" for listening to Mimi. So the guy who likes Mariah threw a bottle at the other guy and subsequently got arrested. Neither of these guys were Nick Cannon. [Perez Hilton]

• Ellen DeGeneres is so psyched about the California Supreme Court ruling regarding gay marriage that she's gonna get hitched to longtime love Portia de Rossi. Woohoo! It would be kind of awesome if they did it on TV. And then danced! [TMZ]
  
• Pregnant Angelina Jolie will be looking "sexy" on the July cover of Vanity Fair; she was shot by Patrick Demarchelier. Wonder if he'll have her Photoshopped? [Page Six]
  
• Click here if you need info on Angelina's tattoos. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• Angelina will probably give birth in France, FYI. [USA Today]
  
• Angelina's dad Jon Voight is all riled up over Israel: "God gave this land to the Jewish people; they shouldn't be giving it away," he says. But, um, Voight is not Jewish. [Mirror]
  
• "If I punched every bitch who called me fat, it would be dead bitches all up and down the highway." — Star Jones. [Page Six]

• Just two weeks after marrying Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon is driving a new car: the $120,000 Maserati Quattroporte. Did Drumline profits pay for it? [TMZ]
• Ali Lohan swears that even though sister Lindsay hangs with Sam Ronson, she is not a lezebel. "They're best friends. They're just friends. It's pathetic what people say," Ali claims. [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a book for your Amazon wish list: Hollywood Babylon: It's Back has full-frontal nudes of stars like Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods and Richard Gere. Plus! Stories about the size of other actors; Johnny Depp was known as "donkey dick" and an art student who sketched Sean Connery years ago swears, "It was the biggest I've ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil." [Rush & Molloy]
• As previously reported, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson are on vacay together in Costa Rica. Also along for the adventure are Brit's dad Jamie and Mel's wife Robin, as well as some "unidentified youngsters." Apocalypto! [E!]
• An L.A. band says there's a Miley Cyrus song that sounds suspiciously like one of theirs. Miley's rep says, "She doesn't write the songs - she sings them. We have referred this to Disney." Ah, well, okay then. [Page Six]
• Hulk Hogan has written letters to the court trying to get his son Nick a softer sentence; Hulk says Nick isn't the wild kid people see on TV because their reality show "is scripted." [TMZ]
• American Idol alum Taylor Hicks will join the cast of Grease on Broadway. [ET]
• Duran Duran are in the news! They rerouted their world tour to perform for Deutsche Bank staffers; then the show got canceled. Now they're hungry like the wolf. Don't say a prayer for them now, save it til the morning after. [Mirror]
• Sheryl Crow has a new boyfriend; he's a restauranteur and pilot from Alabama. He can fly home the bacon and fry it up in a pan. [MSNBC]
• Movie-industry private investigator Anthony Pellicano has been found guilty of conspiracy after wiretapping and harassing a string of celebrities, including Garry Shandling, Kevin Nealon, Sylvester Stallone and Keith Carradine. [Portfolio]
• Rapper DMX has pleaded not guilty to felony drug possession and misdemeanor animal cruelty charges. [Yahoo News]
• Jury selection is complete in the trial of R. Kelly! Maybe the trial will finally begin? [Mirror]
• Ryan Kavanaugh, the executive producer of 21, smitten with Natalie Portman? What will Devendra Banhart say? [Page Six]
• Kanye West performed with four topless dancers wearing space helmets and made $1 million. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which TV legend likes to play dirty in the bedroom? The larger-than-life fella ties up his conquests with bathrobes - and takes breaks from "satisfying" the girls only to snort piles of coke." [Rush & Molloy]
• Lil' Kim won $500,000 in a lawsuit against a former fellow Junior M.A.F.I.A. member. That kind of cash will get her some nice fingernails. [Vibe]
• Dennis Rodman has been charged with battery and domestic violence after allegedly hitting his girlfriend last month in an L.A. hotel. Rodman is currently in a rehab facility, but he told TMZ "I've never hit anyone." [TMZ]
• Kelly Osbourne has a new boyfriend named Luke. [Mirror]
• "The handbags alone were heavenly. I'm a handbag girl, so I was just salivating. Every time a new purse came into the wardrobe room I'd get so excited. People would walk in with arms full of bags, just trying to decide which one my character should use that day. Just flipping through them, one more beautiful than the next. I was stunned... Next time I will make sure I put a clause into my contract that I get to keep all my purses." — Jennifer Hudson, on the Sex And The City movie. [Mirror]

• Nelson Mandela personally called Amy Winehouse and asked her to sing at his birthday party on June 27! The former president of South Africa phoned her! Bono, Elton John and Annie Lennox are expected to perform as well. This UK paper says,"Let's hope [Amy] bee-hives herself!" Yuk, yuk. [Mirror]
  
• Meanwhile: Does Blake Incarcerated have a secret mistress? Is he plotting with the "mystery blonde" to run away with her — and a chunk of Amy's £10 million fortune? [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are due in court today for a progress review. A completely uninformed opinion? She's doing better. [People]
  
• Owen Wilson allegedly picked up some chick (not Kate Hudson) and invited her back to is boat and propositioned her to join him in a threesome with Vince Vaughn. There was a time that a Butterscotch Stallion/Money Baby sandwich would have been soooo hot, and that time was 2001. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Britney's back at work on How I Met Your Mother. She looks cute dressed to match Neil Patrick Harris! [TMZ]

• Tom Cruise's new web site is a finely crafted masterpiece of PR spin. [LA Times]
• Prince! Is working on a book! Featuring poetry and photographs and elegantly sealed in a purple slipcase, of course. [Reuters]
• Dina Lohan is being honored as a "Top Mom" by a Long Island-based charity, Mingling Moms Organization. Ali Lohan says: "My mom is great, she has always been there for us. She helps us follow our dreams. I love her to death." And by "to death" she means, "Sometimes I want to strangle her." [Page Six]
• Pete Doherty is out of jail! He served 29 days of a 14-week sentence and now he's back on the streets. You've been warned. [People]
• John Mayer on the pix of him with Jen Aniston in Miami: "Listen, this is not a scandal, this is not an issue, this is not a problem, this needs no spin control. This is me living my life and a guy with a really powerful lens and I don't fault him, I don't fault anybody, I don't fault you, I don't fault this or that. There are much worse problems in the world. Everything's cool!" Hahaha, stoner. [ET]
• But! John Mayer was seen out with Maroon 5 horndog Adam Levine and John "The Player" was "all over some blond girl," according to a source. Maybe he and Jennifer Aniston haven't had "the talk" yet? [Page Six]
• Maxim's Hot 100 list is a sister act: Ashlee Simpson is No. 18, Jessica Simpson is No. 53. But while Ashley Olsen is No. 47, Mary-Kate is not on the list at all... Which might be a compliment. [Page Six]
• Hollywood Hills neighbors of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are pissed that paparazzi cars are parking in their hood. [Page Six]
• Barbara Walters is traveling by private jet to 25 US cities to promote her memoir — and she's taking hair and makeup people from The View with her. But! She's paying for it all herself. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jay-Z at a show at NYC's Madison Square Garden: "This concert isn't endorsed by Obama, but it's time for a change." [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven was seen having a "knock-down, all-out screaming match" with a brunette at a party. Ari Gold, is that you? [Rush & Molloy]
• The jury may deliver a verdict in the Uma Thurman stalking case today; we'll keep you posted. [TMZ]
• The bench warrant issued for Foxy Brown yesterday was due to a misunderstanding. Foxy is still free! [TMZ]
• Angela Kinsey, who plays Angela on The Office, gave birth to a baby girl, Isabel Ruby, on Saturday afternoon. [People]
• Mischa Barton is pissed at a photographer who snapped pictures of her sunbathing topless. She says: "He's a ridiculous human being. I've never abhorred anyone more. I was so angry, I went up to him and said how disappointed I was with his behavior. He apologized but he was very insincere." It should be noted that this photographer is the same one Nicole Kidman won a restraining order against after she testified that he tried to run her off the road. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof, 19 (daughter of Sir Bob) is implicated in a cocaine ring, ruh-roh. [Mirror]
• Nip/Tuck star Joely Richardson kind of wants an African baby. "I'd love to adopt," she says. "I was almost in tears on a hospital visit because there were two or three babies to each cot, but I told myself that crying wouldn't help." [Mirror]
• Yoko Ono is suing the producers of a movie hat challenges the concept of Darwinian evolution, saying they used the song Imagine without her permission and led the blogosphere to accuse her of "selling out." [USA Today]
• "I don't think of myself as an [feminist] icon, but I think of myself as interested and can get ruffled at gender inequality. I still get touchy when people say that guys are interested in sex and girls are interested in love. It's bullshit." —Liz Phair. [Rolling Stone]

• Lindsay Lohan: Protective of lady love Samantha Ronson. A source says "Ashley Olsen said hello to Sam at [NYC hotspot Beatrice Inn], and Lindsay screamed at her, 'Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend.'" [Page Six]
  
• And don't forget! Even though LL was in AA, she downed vodka cocktails all night. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Here's how Lindsay looked on her way home: Drunk. [ONTD]
  
• Ali Lohan will make her screen debut in Mostly Ghostly, a flick based on an R.L. Stine book. She'll play a "popular high school senior." A mean girl maybe? [People]
  
• Emma "Hermione Granger" Watson celebrated her 18th birthday by flashing her see-through underwear to paparazzi. [Page Six]

• Whitney Houston attended a boxing match in Las Vegas Saturday night and was "practically carried in by her staff." Plus, her people "snapped their fingers, saying 'Whitney needs a waitress!'" Once a diva, always a diva. [Page Six]
• Heiress/model Lydia Hearst: Joining the cast of Gossip Girl? OMFG. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which celebrity stylist, who should know better, has been blabbing in L.A. that a particular designer has tumbled off the wagon - again?" [Gatecrasher]
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a double date with Nicole Richie and Joel Madden last week. Tattoos, flat-ironed hair and skinny jeans unite! [E!]
• Suri Cruise turned 2 on April 18 and her party was low-key: Coloring, cake, bowling. [MSNBC]
• Connor Cruise, the Tom and Nicole kid you never hear about, will make his film debut in an upcoming Will Smith movie. Connor will play a young version of Will and allegedly had to audition, even though Tom and Will are buddies. Well, he got the part, praise Xenu. [People]
• Dave Chappelle's former manager is suing him for 10% of the cash Dave's made since he fired the guy in 2005. Mo money, mo problems. [TMZ]
• David Hasselhoff was in the hospital over the weekend because stitches above his eye opened up and he was bleeding. America's got sutures. [TMZ]
• Jordin Sparks had "acute vocal cord hemorrhage" this weekend, igniting rumors that she'd never sing again. Even though she's canceled a bunch of tour dates, she should be back on the road in May. [TMZ]
• Gail O'Grady of NYPD Blue owes Caesars Palace $160,000 and Bally's $75,000 in gambling debts. What happens in Vegas stays on your credit report. [TMZ]
• Kanye West's former fiancée is "sad" about their broken engagement, but Alexis Phifer says, "I wish him the best in his future and all of his endeavors. He's one of the most talented people I've ever met." [People]
• Ewan McGregor had a skin cancer scare and had some moles removed. "I went to have them checked because you have to be careful if you are pale skinned with moles and you spend time in the sun." [Mirror]
• In attendance at Victoria Beckham's birthday party Saturday night: Kate Beckinsale, Eva Longoria, Gwen Stefani, Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Diddy, Will Smith, Gavin Rossdale, Usher and Elton John. [The Sun]
• Terrence "baby wipes" Howard hosted a listening session for his debut album yesterday. Yeah, he sings. He began writing songs at age 16 in his "rainbow colored notebook." The album has a jazzy, big band feel but no word if there are any songs about the "serious problem" of women being unclean. [People]
• Platinum country music artist Taylor Swift went to her senior prom Saturday night. Her date was chosen from 50 applicants via MTV but Taylor says "He was unbelievably sweet." [People]
• Supermodel and ex-wife of Mick Jagger Jerry Hall is revealing that growing up, her father was violent, physically and verbally abusive. [Mirror]
• Antonia Kidman, sister of Nicole, won the Favorite Female Personality prize at an Australian TV awards show. She hosts a program called From Here To Maternity. [News.com.au]
• Thirteen year old Lourdes Ciccone Leon wants to live in New York with daddy Carlos. Haha. Will Madonna's seamy New York past live again, through her daughter? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Meanwhile, Madonna's new single went to No. 1 on both sides of the Atlantic and the headline of this story is: "Madonna: More Clout Than The Beatles, All By Herself... And Wearing Heels." [Times]
• David Blaine is in training to break the world record for breath-holding. BTW, he's not just a magician, he's an "endurance artist." So. [NY Times]
• Did Heather Mills lie about having a sad childhood? [The Sun]
• A Wendy Williams talk show? Sounds crazy, in a good way. [Variety]
• "I'm late all the time. I have no perception of time. Time is for white people. It doesn't work with me." — Erykah Badu. [Perez Hilton]

• Cameron Diaz and Gerard Butler: Three dates in ten days. Touchy-feely everywhere. It's like, so on. Yeah, this is the kind of news that makes us ache inside. You, too? [Mirror]
  
• Neither Beyoncé nor Jay-Z have confirmed that they were married. But on stage in North Carolina on Saturday, Mary J. Blige (who is on tour with Jay) shouted "Congratulations to my man, Jay-Z, and my girl B," during the show. If Mary says it, you gotta believe! [People]
  
• Oooh, apparently guests at the Z-Knowles wedding were asked to leave all cell phones, cameras and guns at home and were frisked at the door — yet three guns were left in an "amnesty box" outside Jay-Z's apartment. Dangerously in love! [Mirror]
  
• Pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears spent her 17th birthday eating at Ruby Tuesday and shopping at Wal-Mart with her fiancé. [People]
  
• "I work with underprivileged girls, mostly minorities, who hate themselves because they don't look like Lauren Conrad. Who the fuck wants to look like the girls on The Hills? They're complete nitwits. Success is about more than acquiring a Hermes bag." — Stacy London of What Not To Wear. [Rush & Molloy]

• Click here to see what Scarlett Johansson's album cover looks like. (She's lying on some ferns inside of a stump or something, but it looks prettier than it sounds.) [People]
• Jessica Alba had a baby shower on Sunday; Rashida Jones, Jaime King and Kim Kardashian were in attendance. The menu featured chicken, tiger shrimp, dark chocolate-dipped strawberries and cupcakes. Jess received strollers, cradles, Dr. Seuss books, rattles and clothes. Yawn. [E!]
• Lily Allen and Kelly Osbourne turned up at the same event wearing the same Vivienne Westwood dress. Horrors! [Mirror]
• Madonna will adopt a kid from India after she finishes promoting her new album. Namaste! [The Sun]
• Um, unless, as this paper says, David Banda is the last child she ever adopts. [The Sun]
• Thandie Newton is going to play Condi Rice in Oliver Stone's new movie??? Love her, but she doesn't look like the Secretary of State. Then again, Josh Brolin doesn't look like W, so. Sigh. [LA Times]
• Nicky Hilton, who is dating Mary-Kate Olsen's ex, David Katzenberg, is becoming good friends with The Hills' Whitney Port, who is dating Ashley Olsen's ex, Matt Kaplan. Are you keeping up? Think of it this way: Hollywood is one giant bacteria swap. [Page Six]
• Dane Cook's neighbors hate him because he doesn't pick up after his dog. Gross. [Page Six]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills' daughter Beatrice was seen shopping with her nanny, picking out her own clothes without her parents there, poor thing. She is 4. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Sir Paul has praised ex-wife Linda (and taken a swipe at Heather) by noting that Linda (who died in 1998) "didn't go on TV and say, 'This is who I am - hello' and try to ingratiate herself. Her priorities were private rather than public." [Mirror]
• Oh, and Paul's new girlfriend, "millionairess" Nancy Shevell, seems kind of great. [Daily Mail]
• Unfinished Kelly Clarkson tracks have leaked on to the Internet. That "sucks," says Kelly Clarkson. [Reuters]
• As previously reported, there's an X-rated blow-up doll based on Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex And The City. Will there also be a lawsuit? [UPI]
• Porn star Mary Carey announced "I'm 37 days sober!" at a NYC restaurant last week, then had a glass of wine. [Gatecrasher]
• Jessica Simpson is "shaving" on the new cover of Esquire. [Gatecrasher]
• Ashlee Simpson's album will be released almost at the same time as Mariah Carey's. Doesn't look good for Ash. [MSNBC]
• Did Mariah lipsync on a UK TV show? [Perez Hilton]
• Dina Lohan is "worried" about tabloid attention on daughter Ali, who stars in Dina's upcoming reality show. "It's scary because I did it with Lindsay and got her to the level of success that she is at and with the tabloids ... so with Ali now it's scary ... they are already making things up about her," Dina says. Thrusting her into the spotlight will certainly solve the problem! [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which Disney youth act's gay stylist had the suits in a dither because he insisted on dressing the boys in the tightest possible clothes? The execs had to back down when the "beyond metrosexual" look was a smash with their target 'tween audience." [Gatecrasher]
• George Clooney received an anonymous voice mail from a man telling him to ditch girlfriend Sarah Larson. The man said, "Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you're sorry!" Clooney had the call traced to a pre-paid cell phone but still doesn't know who left the message. Maybe the person who "writes" IDontlikeYouInThatWay? [TMZ]
• Photo agency x17 has apologized to Tony Parker and Eva Longoria for posting the claims of model Alexandra Paressant, who said that she'd had an affair with Tony after he married Eva. Tony had never even met Paressant. Friday the agency said: X17online.com and X17 Inc. regret having been misled by Ms. Paressant and her representatives and apologize to Mr. Parker for any damage or inconvenience this may have caused him or his wife." [TMZ]
• The reason Naomi Campbell had a hissy fit on a British Airways flight? When they lost her luggage, she reportedly said, "I must have the clothing that is in the suitcase because it is a brand that I have got to wear otherwise I don't get paid." [Mirror]
• Dancing With The Stars champ Cheryl Burke has opened her own dance studio in San Francisco. [ET]
• Jennie Garth might make a cameo appearance in the pilot of the 90210 spinoff! [LA Times]
• Rickrolling has actually spurred sales of Rick Astley songs. Amazing. [Reuters]
• Colin Farrell toured Bosnia in preparation for a new film. ""I felt sick," he says. "It is hard to describe how obviously the air and the land has been poisoned by the act of killing 8,000 people in the space of a day. But you really do get the sense of the pain and the loss and I am sad, I really am sad." [Reuters]
• 21 was number one at the box office again, beating George Clooney's Leatherheads. [E!]
• Charlton Heston is dead. [People]

The Accused: IDontLikeYouInThatWay
The Annoyance: Calling Sienna Miller a slut.
The Evidence: "Sienna Miller is a huge slut. Seriously, she's a slut. Urban legend says that if you say her name in a mirror five times in row that she'll appear behind you out of a mist. Then she'll fuck you. Be warned!" So yeah, this is just annoying more than anything else. Because hey, I don't know, Sienna could be a "slut," or she could just be a modern woman who has slept with a couple of dudes but happens to be famous. But you know, a dude bangs a few chicks and he's a stud; a woman shags a bloke or three she's a slut. This is the annoying world we live in. As far as I know, Sienna has been linked to Jude Law and Rhys Ifans. Two men. If that makes her a slut then seriously? We are living in a tear in the space-time continuum.
The Sentence: A punch in the jaw, and a lecture from Slut Machine.

The Accused: The Skinny
• First Annoyance: Continuing to monitor the weight of a pregnant woman when you are not, in fact, her OB/GYN.
The Evidence: "It looks like someone is still trying to stay active and fit during her pregnancy... (good for her!) Jessica Alba was spotted leaving the gym earlier this week." Annoying! Is it good for her because everyone else is getting SO FAT while they are fucking PREGNANT???
The Sentence: Babysitting 13 screaming infants while being lectured by your own mom.
• Second Annoyance: Doing that "guess the cellulite" thing.
The Evidence: "Guess which female celebrity was spotted going to La Scala for lunch in a pair of shorts, showing off some front thigh cellulite?" People, it's Thinny McThinerson Mischa Fucking Barton for the love of God. So WHAT if she has cellulite? Who the hell doesn't? Does it impact her already subpar acting? Then who cares? Nitpicking!
The Sentence: A slap on the ass and a lecture from Miss Landmine, who is thankful to have thighs.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Annoyance: Suggesting a 14-year-old girl would be better of with a dick in her mouth. The Evidence: "If [Ali Lohan] wants to emulate Lindsay so badly, there are a lot less painful ways to do it. Replacing her toothbrush with a penis, for example. Switching from decaf to penis. Getting eight hours of penis a night. Instead of lip injections and a nose job, all Ali really needs is Fleet Week in New York and carton of Rough Riders." Look, I know this is really an attempt to insult Lindsay, but it's not cool to joke about a kid blowing a bunch of sailors. Seriously. Someone gets paid to write this stuff, but that doesn't make it okay.
The Sentence: A kick in the nuts and a lecture from a child abuse psychologist.

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Annoyance: Drawing a jizzing penis on an innocent 19-year-old, even if she is Rumer Willis; encouraging her to smoke, in order to get ugly and die (?).
The Evidence: "This [picture of Rumer] is about as hot as a torrential stream of shit after as a result of an insufferable case of diarrhea! She had several wardrobe changes and posed in various places, but still found time to smoke and eat a sandwich. We usually try and discourage smoking, but in Rumer's case, we say... Smoke up, bitch!" Hey, I'm not a huge fan of Rumer, but she didn't ask to be celebuspawn. And what's with the careless degradation of women? Fucking annoying!
The Sentence: A slap in the face and a lecture from Gloria Steinem.

DrunkenStepfather Ramble of the Week, about 15-year-old Miley Cyrus:

"I wonder what god is going to think of this good little Disney Christian when he finds out that Miley found a loophole and let's dudes fuck her up the ass because that way she can still technically keep her virginity until marriage since that's what the church wants out of her. I am sure he'll be a lot less disappointed that when she realizes that church is a lot less fun than fucking, doing coke and being a total cunt to the world while spending absurd amounts of money on useless shit while the rest of God's people are dying of starvation."

[New York, March 27. Image via INFDaily.com.]

Life & Style
"Where's Suri?" Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' daughter is missing! Not really. Suri has been taking dance classes and going to playgroups at the Scientology Center. Shocking. Also inside: Brad and Angelina try to be normal, but they can't! Because they do extraordinary things like fly planes, ride motorcycles and hang with Bill Clinton. Sigh. Lindsay Lohan refused to walk the red carpet at an event because Paris Hilton's name was on the backdrop. Is Madonna having a mid-life crisis? She flirts with younger men and admitted to taking ecstasy once. Whatev. In an interview with Sarah Jessica Parker, she says she loves sex scenes: "Bring me the next fabulously attractive man!"
Grade: D- (Egg & spoon race)

OK!
"Jen's Magic Diet... That Works!" Listen, we did not read the entire four page story about Jennifer Aniston's body because it's extremely hard to care, but: She does yoga, she meditates, she learns to accept herself, etc. And she takes care of her hair, because it used to be "Too dark, too long, too fuzzy, too kinky." Also inside: Vanessa Williams has a beauty tip for acne: Morning urine on the face. "I did it — I tried to do it and then I was like, I'm not doing it." She used ProActiv instead. Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani could be working on a love duet! There's four pages of women who are "Getting Sexier With Age" and they include: Rihanna (???) Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry and Demi Moore. Katie Holmes is designing for Armani: a line for toddlers for spring 2009, followed by a collection for older children in fall 2009, then a line of handbags in 2010 and maybe women's clothes after. (Except, um, this story has been debunked.) Scary diet trends! Madonna got injections, Katherine Heigl smokes, Mary-Kate Olsen is a caffeine addict, Julianne Moore is "hungry all the time." Carnie Wilson is heavy again at 208 lbs but says she doesn't think of herself as a failure. "I want to lose 45-50 lbs and then try to have a baby," she says. After which she'll probably want to lose. Again. One more C-List star has a weight-loss story: Shar Jackson has lost 20 lbs. "I am 115 lbs. and when people see me and blog about it, they say I'm fat," she says. Sigh.
Grade: D (Sack race)

Us
"How I Was Stabbed In The Back." Lauren Conrad has been constantly betrayed by friends. She poses in a somber photo shoot to prove it! Audrina has been banished to the guest house while Lo is in the main