alexkuczynski - Jezebel

posts about #alexkuczynski more →
Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
IVF Patients To Other Infertile Females: Keep Your Paws Off Our Embryos
Writer, Socialite Explains Her "Mad Desire" For A Baby Through Surrogacy
Insanely Wealthy Pay Fellow Preppy Scads of Money To Arrange Grown-Up Frat Parties
'International Male': One Man's Shopping Site Is Another Man's Soft Porn

Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

Dsmvwl Admin Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×

ArtfulSlinger
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
My mother loved being pregnant and sadly only got to do it once. I have a few things that could deter me later in life for having healthy pregnancies - namely one crooked spine - so my mother has always offered, which I find strange. In a weird way, I would prefer a stranger and I read the aforementioned article and I thought Alex whats hername was being really truthful in her deep look into the issue. And who can not be happy to not get stretch marks or backaches or any of the other things that come along with nature's miracle?
Reply

ArtfulSlinger was starred ArtfulSlinger was unstarred

hellosunshine
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
If there's a market for pale, blue-eyed, dark-haired, WASPy, formerly smart but now just lazy surrogates... sure, this womb's for rent!
Reply

hellosunshine was starred hellosunshine was unstarred

BlondeGrlz
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
I love being pregnant (so far) but couldn't handle the responsibility of carrying someone else's child. There are so many OMG it might cause birth defects!!! things out there, avoiding them all is incredibly stressful and time consuming. It's far more than just not drinking or smoking, it's deciding how much caffeine is safe, avoiding all kind of chemicals and fumes - you're not even supposed to pump your own gas - eating only the healthiest most organic stuff available, getting the right amount of sleep and exercise, and more. I just can't imagine trying to have a "perfect" pregnancy because someone's paying me $50k.

My eggs I am more than willing to part with, but no one's going to want them by the time I'm done with them.
Reply

BlondeGrlz was starred BlondeGrlz was unstarred

Inkymonkey
12/09/08

@BlondeGrlz is having a BlondeBoyz!: You're not supposed to pump your own gas??? Wish I had heard that one 38 weeks ago.
Reply

Inkymonkey was starred Inkymonkey was unstarred

Inkymonkey
12/09/08

@Inkymonkey: Actually, no I don't. Independent ignorance is bliss.
Reply

Inkymonkey was starred Inkymonkey was unstarred

BlondeGrlz
12/09/08

@Inkymonkey: I was ignoring this advice until the cold weather hit. Now it's a fantastic excuse to make my husband do it.
Reply

BlondeGrlz was starred BlondeGrlz was unstarred

GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
Eh, another anecdote to throw into the mix. My bf's sister-in-law is from a midwestern family and she has three kids, which is their max. She doesn't work or have an education, but she is one hell of a mother and loved being pregnant, and she is considering doing this- seriously, for altruistic reasons. Obviously no one dislikes money, and everyone could use a little more, but their family already is pretty well off.

The more I think about it, I'd love for her to do the whole pregnancy and mothering thing for me. I will never live up to her. Ack. Well, maybe she feels the same way about me with school and career, but still, anyone can go to school....
Reply

rednrowdy
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
"Free of Genetic Diseases"?!?!

good luck with that one.
Reply

rednrowdy was starred rednrowdy was unstarred

Speeble
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
Ok I'm pulling out a dated reference here. Wasn't there that episode of Friends where Joey bet Phoebe that she could not (or couldn't find someone to) commit a complete unselfish act? I think the morale of the story was Phoebe found that even the self satisfaction of doing an unselfish thing was in fact a selfish motivation...or something along those lines.
Reply

Speeble was starred Speeble was unstarred

GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
12/09/08

@Speeble: I never knew Friends was that deep...
Reply

BlondeGrlz
12/09/08

@Speeble: Bish please, that episode was the first thing I thought of when I read the post. She lets a bee sting her, she shovels her neighbor's walk, and she donates money to a charity but none of her "good deeds" are completely selfless because they make her happy (except the bee, because it dies).
Reply

BlondeGrlz was starred BlondeGrlz was unstarred

mommy_dearest
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
Choosing to be a surrogate is really a lot like choosing any other job. You weigh the pros and cons, decide if the money compensates enough for the cons. And yes, altruism can be part of it. I chose to work at a non-profit for two reasons- one, I needed money, and two, I believed in the cause I was working on. Why would we assume these women would have different thought processes than anyone else? Maybe the fact that they are helping someone is the thing that tipped the scales for them. It seems like we who are not so desperate for cash can have good reasons for choosing the work we do, yet we assume those who need money more urgently can only be driven by pure need. I don't really like that.
Reply

mommy_dearest was starred mommy_dearest was unstarred

exelizabeth
12/09/08

@mommy_dearest: Yeah, exactly, I'm going to be a teacher, and altruism plays a role, but I damn well expect to be compensated. And if the pros (challenging, people-oriented work that's a good fit for my personality, making a difference, benefits, decent job security) don't outweigh the cons (relatively low pay, little room for advancement, administrative bullshit), then I wouldn't do it.

Actually, that's not altruism at all, huh? That's a cost benefit analysis, in which my personal satisfaction at doing something that I think it meaningful is a strong benefit.
Reply

exelizabeth was starred exelizabeth was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/09/08

@mommy_dearest: I agree. I mean, these women could also become prostitutes or drug dealers (which, now that I think of it are also providing a much desired service to people), but are instead choosing something that will much a huge, huge difference to a couple.

I think surrogacy needs to have very strong screening procedures though, or this could turn into something sketchy.
Reply

JulesNoctambule
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
We're encouraging my sister-in-law to become a paid surrogate. That way she'll get the pregnancy attention she so desperately craves with the benefit of her three existing kids not having to split their already scant resources yet another way. She'll get attention, her kids will have enough to eat and another family will get the baby they want -- everyone wins!
Reply

JulesNoctambule was starred JulesNoctambule was unstarred

SarahMC
12/09/08

@JulesNoctambule: I can't believe some grown women have babies because they crave pregnancy attention.
Reply

SarahMC was starred SarahMC was unstarred

scullymurphy
12/09/08

@SarahMC: What is this attention you all speak of? I have not experienced it so far in the last 8 months. I have, however, gotten out of cleaning the litter box - which is pretty rad.
Reply

scullymurphy was starred scullymurphy was unstarred

GoldenRatioφ (aka -girl11)
12/09/08

@scullymurphy: Can I touch your belly?!!?!? (hysterically extends hand through computer screen)
Reply

BlondeGrlz
12/09/08

@scullymurphy: Someone let me cut in line yesterday and it took me ten minutes to figure out it was probably because of my bump. He's the first person to notice in the past 6 months.
Reply

BlondeGrlz was starred BlondeGrlz was unstarred

Shamrockette
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
I would totally donate my eggs, but I want to spare them until I have some kids of my own.

But even then they probably won't take them because alcoholism is rampant in my family. And high blood pressure, too.
Reply

Shamrockette was starred Shamrockette was unstarred

The Queen of No
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
I am not altruistic at all. If I didn't drink, smoke or fuck, I would totally look into donating my eggs just for money. Though I don't know if I'd even be accepted-- weight problems run in my family, depression, big noses. Oh well.
Reply

The Queen of No was starred The Queen of No was unstarred

Grim Reaper of the Forest
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
Damn my shortness and big nose. First I can't model, and now no one wants my eggs. It's enough to force me to get a real job.
Reply

Scout
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
purely self serving reasons - its the primary reason this even exists
Reply

Scout was starred Scout was unstarred

Antrack
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
If I got a surrogate, I would want to pay her. I would be too suspicious of and feel too guilty toward anyone doing it for free.

It's like how I'm happy to pay someone to watch my terrible dogs but usually won't let friends do it for free. If you don't pay them, you can't tell them how to do it, I feel. Is that crazy?
Reply

Antrack was starred Antrack was unstarred

J.D.Regent
12/09/08

@Antrack: seriously. I don't even let my friends water my plants without paying them. With payment you can also make demands. If someone fucks up a favor there's not much you can say. Also payment keeps you from feeling like you owe someone. Reciprocity is a natural human impulse.
Reply

J.D.Regent was starred J.D.Regent was unstarred

SarahMC
12/09/08

@Oh!..Is That Velvet?!: Yeah it's pretty normal but it's still selfish. Selfishness is normal.
Reply

SarahMC was starred SarahMC was unstarred

J.D.Regent
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
Yeah it's for cash, but of course of all the demanding things people can do for money you try to pick something you would hate least. So some women absolutely despise being pregnant, so this wouldn't be for them. Just like a stripper or a sex worker can enjoy dancing or sex but ALSO and primarily be in it for the money, just like a psychologist loves counseling but would not do it for free, just like anyone who likes their job but still demands payment!
Reply

J.D.Regent was starred J.D.Regent was unstarred

exelizabeth
12/09/08

In reply to Do Women Really Become Surrogates For Purely Altruistic Reasons?
This is not really comprable, but I foster cats and kittens for my local shelter sometimes, and eveyone always asks me if I don't get attached, but I'm always really happy when they get adopted. I really love seeing them go to a good home, and I'm frankly relieved that I don't have to take care of them anymore. Kittens are a lot of work.

Man, I just keep thinking of Friends in this thread, like how when Phoebe says it's really hard to give away the puppy, but it feels really good, so with a baby it'll be a million times harder but feel a million times better.
Reply

exelizabeth was starred exelizabeth was unstarred

info*ninja
12/09/08

@exelizabeth: I cant believe a comment that included a friends analogy made me choke up. Foster care (cat or human) is such good works.
Reply

info*ninja was starred info*ninja was unstarred

exelizabeth
12/09/08

@info*ninja: Now I feel like a bad person, because I am giggling at your tearing up at a comment that includes a Friends analogy.

I really like fostering cats, I just hate that it increases the cat poop output in my apartment. I had 5 cats in my apartment this summer, and it was little overwhelming, but now I want to take in another one.

Some day want to foster kids. They at least have the advantage of being able to use the toilet after a certain age.
Reply

exelizabeth was starred exelizabeth was unstarred

Earlier discussions Other discussions Show all discussions Show featured discussions only Start a new discussion