[People, AP , AP]

• In her new documentary, in addition to all the stuff about Groundhog Day, Britney Spears also talks about Kevin Federline: "I think I married for the wrong reasons. Instead of following my heart and doing something that made me really happy, I just did it for the idea of [marriage and] everything." Knowing is half the battle! [Perez Hilton, NY Daily News]
• Watch promos for Britney's documentary. In one, she says, "I… look back and I think, I'm a smart person. What the hell was I thinking?" [Perez Hilton]
• Someone else says of Valkyrie: "The film just isn’t a thriller at all. It’s a bunch of white guys in Nazi uniforms." And yes, Tom has an American accent. [MSNBC]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: on the rocks. Last night in London, LL danced with her ex, Calum Best, whom Moe used to call Calum Worst. Anyways, Sam was pissed and stormed off in a huff. Lindsay was seen with tears in her eyes. Sniff. [The Sun]

• Tom Cruise gives the infamous Heil Hitler salute in his new flick, Valkyrie, and some find it hilarious. "It’s an unsettling scene but you almost start to laugh," a source says. "His character is resisting it but you never forget it’s Tom Cruise saying 'Heil Hitler.' It’s funny and shocking at the same time." [MSNBC]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes celebrated their second anniversary a day early at home in Los Angeles with daughter Suri, 2, as well as Isabella, 15, and Connor, 13, yawn yawn yawn. [People]
• Beyoncé is still in shock about dancing with Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live: "I still can't believe he did that. He was incredible," she says. "We rehearsed it two times. He picked up the choreography. He has this photographic memory. He could probably kill it if he wanted to." OMG yes! Does anyone smell a tour? [People]
• Alec Baldwin on kissing Jennifer Aniston for 30 Rock: "It was painful. I mean, every man who's had to make out with her in TV and movies — I don't know how they do it." Baldwin was also asked if unstable women are better in bed. "That's assuming I've been with crazy women," he said. "If I answer that question in the affirmative, that would type a woman I've been with as being crazy, which I don't really feel like doing. But I hear it's true. I hear from my friends it's true. I will say this on the record," he said before fleeing. "I've never slept with a crazy man." [NY Mag]
• Brad Pitt is on Oprah today! He'll be telling O how fatherhood has changed him: "[I'm] tough as nails. I’m impervious to poo, snot, urine, vomit. You can’t get me. You cannot break me down." [E!]
• Angelina on breastfeeding twins: "It's very hard. I stopped at three months, [it was] about as much as I could do. There's this football hold – it's a lot harder than it looks in the books. I did that a few times. I would take turns. It just takes a long time." [People]
• Are Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin on the rocks? She went to the Victoria's Secret show in Miami, and a source bitches: "She spent the summer filming a TV show in Spain with Mario Batali and now, instead of hanging out with her husband, she goes to a Victoria's Secret show? Really? Gwyneth doesn't have anything to do with Victoria's Secret. If things were so great with Chris, why wouldn't she be with him?" [Page Six]
• The Heath Ledger/freelancer/video lawsuit is a go. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Warner Bros has rolled out its first Oscar specific ad, a "For Your Consideration" poster urging awards voters to nominate Heath Ledger's performance as The Joker for an Academy Award. They're comparing his role to that of Anthony Hopkins, who won in 1992 for playing Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. [News.com.au]
• Billy Ray Cyrus says Miley Cyrus and her pal Justin Gaston are great together: "I'll tell you what – they are great friends, and they make a good team. They write a lot of songs together, and they sing – it's incredible. I always tell her that as long as she's having fun, then it's working." Wait, what? [Perez Hilton]
• Miley says: "I think you have to be really careful about the people you trust." And what about Justin Gaston? "He's a singer, he's really cute, and he's nice and he's a Christian and I really like that." [People]
• More from Miley! "I would want to be on a reality show like The Real World because I think that's crazy. Anyone who would do that has some serious guts." She says being followed everywhere by paparazzi "is like a free reality show, I just don't get paid for it. Sometimes I'm not looking my best. I look like a mess, and I'm like I don't want my picture taken right now. I get comments like, ‘She's not looking her best today,' and I'm like, ‘I know, I'm not trying to impress you!'" [E!]
• Blind items! 1. Which Park Avenue socialite split from her husband when she discovered that he'd been enjoying secret conjugal relations with one of her best friends for years? 2. Which hit television show sidekick kicked an aspiring actress out of his cab after she refused to go to his apartment with him to "cuddle over milk and cookies"? 3. Which longtime New York basketball legend, whose wife handles his business, has gone bankrupt twice? 4. Which talk-show host has a flatulence problem so bad, he's said to have an assistant follow him around with an odor-vaporizing spray can? [Page Six]
• Jessica Simpson says Tony Romo is "the whole package." Plus! "He's taught me to calm down a lot," Jess says. "I'm not organized and he's not organized either – but [he] does make me want to be organized for us." Fascinating. [People]
• So. You know how Joaquin Phoenix is retiring from acting? He can't get enough of the camera, actually: He's filming a documentary of his transition from acting to music. But it's real, see? Not acting. [E!]
• Michael Jackson paid £25,000 a session, for a total of £175,000 to see a "mind-mapping" guru to help him with his stage fright and creativity. The guru gets his clients to draw colorful maps. £175,000 for crayons? [The Sun]
• Here's more about the "brain guru." [NY Daily News]
• Um, Michael Jackson's nanny is in hiding. [Fox 411]
• Barack Obama's win is encouraging Gillian Anderson to leave London and move back to her native America. [Daily Express]
• Uh-oh, baby wipes enthusiast Terrence Howard has a crush on gorgeous model Noemie Lenoir. Is she "clean" enough for him? Also, they could be brother and sister, what with the skin and eyes. [Page Six]
• Is Anne Hathaway dating yet another loser? [Page Six]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown now have matching tattoos. [Concrete Loop]
• Serena Williams as the Black Racket is pretty much the best silly stoopid thing you will see today. [The.Life Files]
• Crap, Will Smith is doing a remake of Korean movie Old Boy, which is awesome just the way it is. [Reuters]
• Denise Richards was asked about the Angelina vs. Aniston feud and got all pissy, replying: "You know what? Their life is none of my business. My life has been public, and I think everyone should mind their own business about people's relationships, to be honest. It's between them!" Don't worry honey, soon people will stop for your your opinion. You'll miss it! [E!]
• Natasha Bedingfield: "Romance is female Viagra!" Sorry, explain? "In reality, relationships have ups and downs. If someone is worth enough to you, then you both fight to stay true through the tough times. Advice to guys: Keep the romance alive. Simple things like giving flowers or remembering special dates may sound cheesy but they do work." Oh, see, she's engaged and giddy. [People]
• Heather Mills is sick of the invasion of privacy, people! She's filed six complaints against Britloids: The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express and London Lite. [Guardian]
• Some dude claims a Martha Stewart lounge chair collapsed on him, crushing his right index finger. The tip of his finger allegedly fell beneath a deck and was eventually retrieved by a family member. He's suing Martha. Oh, and he says his life is ruined because he's a banjo player. And a hand model. [TMZ]
• Little Britain USA: Being renewed. Computer says yes. [The Sun]
• Click to see Kristen Johnston in a PETA ad against horse-drawn carriages. She's naked, but covered a la lady Godiva. [ONTD]
• You've been waiting for this: Whitney Port is launching her official site soon. Okay, maybe you haven't been waiting, but it's happening anyway. [Socialite Life]
• As previously reported, Rashida Jones is joining The Untitled Amy Poehler Show. Now we know she will play a nurse named Ann. this is all we know. [E!]
• If you watch CSI: Miami, you'll be delighted or disappointed to find out that Sean "Diddy" Combs will make a two-episode appearance, and not as a corpse. Puff will play a prosecutor. [Yahoo News]
• What the world needs now: A Vegas revue starring Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown. "Think Spice Girls meets Showgirls." The project is called "Peep Show" and promises to be "very sexy and very girl power." [Perez Hilton]
• Antonia Kidman, Nicole's sister and a single mom, had a coffee date. That's what this story is about. [News.com.au]
• NFL star Tom Brady is working on rehabbing his injured knee, and while he recovers, a source spills, "No distractions and no Gisele." But doesn't supermodel glamazon Ms. Bundchen heal all wounds??? [Boston Herald]
• David Beckham will only stay with AC Milan for three months before returning to the Los Angeles Galaxy; the Italians are not trying to keep him. [The Independent]
• Russell Brand's stand up show in New York includes jokes about groping the Queen's breasts. He also encourages the audience: "Feel free to approach me for sex." [The Sun]
• Alicia Silverstone, author! Her book, The Kind Diet, comes out next year; it "explores the connection between what we put in our bodies and what we’re doing to the planet, and how choosing the right foods in the kitchen can help you feeling lighter, sexier, and more alive." Plus 75 vegan recipes. [USA Today]
• Aaaah, aaaaahhhhh! Sam Kinison biopic in the works. [NY Times]
• Pete Doherty is on a "pub footie team" which means he plays soccer with other guys from a bar. He says he plans to "score" every week, heh. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. The flailing economy has hit Days If Our Lives: Deidre Hall (Dr. Marlena Evans) and Drake Hogestyn (John Black) have been axed for budget reasons. Hall had been on the NBC soap for 32 years, and Hogestyn was there for 22. Like sand through the hourglass! [NY Mag]
• Is Magic Johnson skimpy with health coverage when it comes to people who work for him? [TMZ]
• Chuck Norris has written a bunch of crap about the "Gay Anarchy" that America has been experiencing due to the Prop 8 debate. He says: "Protestors [sic] of Proposition 8 in California (the marriage amendment) shoved aside a 69-year-old woman who was bearing a cross. They reportedly spit on her and stomped on her cross. They then aligned themselves in a human barricade, blocking the media from getting to or interviewing the woman." The folks from Queerty call his screed a "gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage." [Queerty]
• Click here if you want to watch Hugh Jackman sing "I Still Call Australia Home." Such a Broadway voice on that one. [News.com.au]
• This story reads: "This week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger… enlisted his friend and fellow environmentalist Rob Lowe to entice the notoriously wary Chinese into a discussion about global warming while showing them a little showbiz flash." Yes. Rob Lowe is meeting with Chinese officials. [LA Times]
• Stephen Baldwin said he'd leave the country if Obama won; unfortunately he was joking. He now says: "Obama is obviously talented and intelligent, and I have great respect for the man. He's got my full support, and I'm gonna be praying for him and his administration." [Page Six]
• Speaking of Obama, he does have friends in Hollywood, but they're not the ones you think — Clooney is not on the list. [Politico]
• American Buffalo is on Broadway, starring Haley Joel Osment, John Leguizamo and Cedric the Entertainer, and celebrities are loving it. [Rush & Molloy]
• Marissa Jaret Winokur will return to Hairspray December 9-January 4 for the final four weeks of its Broadway run. Not attending: Bianca Golden. [USA Today]
• Details about the romance between Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller. Including Monroe's painful miscarriage: Biographer Christopher Bigsby writes: "'It was Arthur's,' Monroe said, between sobs. 'It was for him. He didn't know. It was going to be a surprise. Then he would see that I could be a real wife, and a real mother.' Asked how long she had been pregnant, she replied, 'Just a few weeks, I guess. I didn't dare mention it to anyone, in case it wasn't true.'" [Telegraph]
• Bands don’t do what we used to do. Bands don’t have the theatrics. We were lighting ourselves on fire. I had a chainsaw and cut a nun’s head off. You don’t see that shit at all anymore, which is kind of sad." — Vince Neil, on the early days of Mötley Crüe. [Rolling Stone]
• "The most repulsive celebrity I've ever met is Mick Hucknall. Unlike me he doesn't realize why all the chicks love him. And he's really ugly." — Simon Cowell. [The Sun]
• "I've always had that fuck-the-system mentality, and his dad is so 'the system.' But then, they're the most liberal family — they bootlegged alcohol, for God's sake. They're rich because they threw big, illegal parties, so I don't mind." — M.I.A on her fiancé, Ben Brewer, who is a Seagram heir. [Page Six]
• "I’m currently enjoying a period of sobriety, but for the last 15 years that hasn’t been the case… It’s just as I get older the hangovers get worse. If there were no consequences to drinking, I would drink all the time, but as you get older the hangovers get worse, and I’m just tired of losing entire days to hangovers, so I’m enjoying some healthy sobriety for awhile to see how that works. I don’t advocate sobriety for anyone who can drink successfully." — Moby. [BlackBook]

[Los Angeles, November 7. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

I think Harding is entirely missing the point here. First of all, the person who most makes fun of Liz Lemon's appearance is her blowhard boss, Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy. You know, the same man who said, in response to Lemon's declaration that she had $12,000 in her checking account, "What are you, an immigrant?" The idea here is that when Jack Donaghy rags on Liz Lemon, you're supposed to think, "Jack Donaghy's a LOLworthy asshole," rather than "Liz Lemon is a total heifer."

Secondly, Tina Fey isn't conventionally gorgeous. I'm not going to argue here about her specific clothing size or her precise level of attractiveness, but come on. "Conventionally gorgeous" in America these days is Heidi Klum. Perhaps Tina Fey is an idealized version of a "real" woman, but she is 99% more "real" than most other women we see on TV. Thirdly, while Fey's character is portrayed as a nerd, she's also portrayed as someone with an amazing career that many, many women would die to have. It's not like she's some pathetic creature; her "geeky underdog-ness" is generally shown in flashbacks from her childhood and adolescence. I don't see how Fey's occasional self-deprecation is reinforcing the idea to anyone that being bigger than a size 2 is "ugly." There's more! When Liz Lemon falls into the common tropes of single womanhood (choking on a TV dinner in her kitchenette), it's supposed to be parodying precisely the kinds of media that reinforce ideas that unconventional women are unworthy (see Liz Lemon drinking wine while running on a treadmill and MILF Island for further reference).

Harding also writes, "No one likes an egomaniac, but frankly, no one likes self-loathing people, either," but Fey's self-deprecation — "self-loathing" is way too strong a word — is precisely what makes her relatable. In an ideal world, yes, we'd all feel just dandy about ourselves and greet each day with animated canaries perched on our shoulders. But most women? We have many moments of self-doubt, and seeing someone as successful as Tina Fey be self-deprecating gives us all permission to be imperfect. Also, it's damned funny. Having a completely well-adjusted television mogul as a main character? That sounds boring as fuck.

30 Rock is a comedy, which is not to excuse comedy from having a conscience, but expecting it to tow the line of extreme P.C. body image standards is barking up the wrong tree. 30 Rock is a damned sight better than most shows on television in showing women with "real" bodies and addressing body image issues, like when Jane Krakowski's character, Jenna, gains weight and Jack Donaghy says, "She needs to lose thirty pounds or gain sixty. Anything in between has no place on television." With lines like those, Fey incites a jumping off point for discussion, and isn't that what the best television should do?

Something To Talk About [Shapely Prose]

Earlier: 30 Rock's Liz Lemon Is Stranded On MILF Island
30 Rock's Liz Lemon Drunk Dials, Sings Alanis Morrisette Into A Wine Bottle Microphone

• "I'm really happy," Lindsay Lohan tells Marie Claire. She and Sam Ronson have matching tattoos. "Samantha has a bunch of stars, so I got that," LL says. Then, pointing to a little heart, she says, "she got this." And! She is looking to buy a home "with someone." [People]
• Lindsay's MySpace message: "I love yams." Yams rhymes with Sam? [PopDirt]
• Sam Ronson maybe told a bunch of people: "By the end of this year, my love will be Mrs Ronson." [Daily Star, The Sun]
• Just months after she gave birth to his son, Anthony Kiedis has dumped his girlfriend, Heather Christie. His new lady is Laura Freedman, who owns a jewelry store in Santa Monica. [Page Six]

• Usher and his wife Tameka are expecting a second child, 11 months after the birth of their son, Usher V. [The.Life Files]
• Mariah Carey's new manager is Mariah Carey. [E!]
• Britney? Being shot for Vogue? Really? But not for the cover, right? [ONTD, via NY Post]
• Anne Hathaway is profiled in the new issue of W. She wears a locket with a vintage lottery ticket inside around her neck. "I figure if it was a winning ticket, it would not have been discarded," she says, "so essentially I walk around with an unlucky lottery ticket around my neck." She also talks about life after her con man boyfriend. "I have to find a place to live," she says. And she weeps a little. "It’s a situation where the rug was pulled out from under me all of a sudden. But just as suddenly, my friends threw another rug back under me… I’ve been shown such kindness. Not everyone gets that. A lot of people go through tough times alone." [W]
• Anne Hathaway also says after she found out about Raffaello Follieri's arrest, "I spent a week in shock." [ET]
• Kate Moss's house has been infested with fleas. She's forced to spend some time on the island of Ibiza with her boyfriend, poor thing. [Mirror]
• Major drama involving Oprah's mom and debt. [Rush & Molloy]
• A New York judge has thrown out a bunch of lawsuits by unsuspecting people who interacted with Sacha Baron Cohen in Borat. [E!]
• Forbes has a list of Hollywood's most overpaid movie stars: Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Garner, Jennifer Lopez, Jim Carrey, Nicolas Cage, Drew Barrymore, Will Ferrell and Cate Blanchett. This is all based on dollars earned, not acting chops; for instance: Cammie Diaz's flms returned a lowly $4 for every dollar Diaz earned. [Forbes]
• Hilary Duff's dad is out of jail. (He was arrested last month for contempt of court and selling assets without Hilary's mom's consent.) In an interview with Inside Edition, Bob Duff says: "Susan [Hil's mom] was very consumed with the girls' careers…We simply grew apart." And! "I was unfaithful to our marriage. I feel very badly about that and the effect that it had on the girls." So wait, whose fault is it again? [Perez Hilton]
• So remember how Josh Hartnett allegedly got all hot and heavy with a young lady in a hotel and the staff watched he whole thing on closed-circuit TV? Not true, says Josh. In fact, his legal team is seeking damages against The Mirror for reporting a "complete fabrication." [E!]
• Mary-Kate Olsen requested a seat between Gossip Girl stars Chace Crawford and Jessica Szohr at the Rock & Republic fashion show. Why are you trying to come between Nate and Vanessa? [Rush & Molloy]
• Paris Hilton thinks the documentary about Paris Hilton is pretty good. [AP]
• Michael Phelps is taking the $1 million bonus he earned from Speedo at the Beijing Olympics and donating it to charity. [Socialite Life]
• Poor James Franco is being ogled by freshmen at Columbia University, where he's enrolled in a Master's program. [Page Six]
• Ex-Beastie Boy Adam Yauch has gone from rapping to filmmaking and his company, Oscilloscope, is releasing Flow, that horrifying-looking documentary about the world's dwindling water supply that some of us totally want to see. [Jossip, NY Times]
• Alec Baldwin seems really interested in running for office. But if he knows the US government has long been run by men with Anglo Saxon names. "I'm going to change my name into a Muslim-sounding name," he jokes. He goes on to say: "I hope [Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama] wins or it's close because if it's close, that says something. A growing number of Americans are ready for the nontraditional. Where I would fit into that, I don't know." [Reuters]
• Alec Baldwin either did or didn't ram his car into a limo as he left the US Open on Saturday night. [Page Six]
• Ashton Kutcher launched a website called BlahGirls.com in which three animated teenage characters — sorta inspired by Ashton's step-daughters, Rumer, Scout and Tallulah Willis — gossip and comment. It's funny-ish, but some of the comments would get these girls banned here. [Reuters]
• This piece says that just because Britney Spears was on the MTV Awards and is making a new alum doesn't mean she is mentally sound. [Guardian]
• Mischa Barton and Rooney frontman Taylor Locke: Dunzo. [Perez Hilton]
• 90210 catfight? Shenae Grimes maybe called Shannen Doherty an "effin bitch." [ONTD]
• Teri Hatcher wrote a column for British Glamour and it was misrepresented and taken out of context in the media so that it seems like she is advising her 10 year old daughter to have sex. [ET]
• Amy Winehouse was so smashed after a festival gig that she couldn't manage to walk to the car and had to be wrapped in a duvet and smuggled out of her hotel. [The Sun]
• Kevin Smith talks about hot he got "the shit shot" approved by the MPAA for his new movie, Zack and Miri Make A Porno. [Salon]
• Beyoncé's new album drops November 18. One of first tracks is called "Single Ladies," but, um, she is married now, right? [Concrete Loop]
• Blind item! "Which music mogul treats his superstar wife like she's a servant? But she doesn't mind. 'She's Southern and thinks men should be the boss,' laughs one friend." [Page Six]
• You know Devendra Banhart, Natalie Portman's boyfriend? His new album gives him panic attacks. [Rolling Stone]
• The Veronicas performed at the MTV Awards but it got fucked up. [News.com.au]
• The Wiggles are Australia's richest performers, with more cash than Kylie Minogue and Russell Crowe. [Reuters]
• Ever wonder what the boys from Hanson think about the Jonas Brothers? Wonder no longer. [Perez Hilton]
• Hugh Grant had his birthday dinner with his ex-girlfriend and it made headlines. [The Sun]
• Lisa Simpson is divorced. [TMZ]
• "Great sex with someone may or may not really mean something. But it's a hell of a lot better than bad sex!" — Candance Bushnell to Cosmopolitan. [Page Six]
• "She is really very very very disinterested in fashion. She doesn't care. She wears her gym clothes from when she comes back from the gym until night. Sometimes she puts a jacket over it if I really beg her to, but she doesn't really care very much." — Susan Sarandon's daughter, Eva Amurri, on her mom's style. [AP]

• Lindsay Lohan has turned down a $700,000 offer to pose topless in Playboy. Since we already saw her nipples in New York magazine, what would be the point? [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, there's a truce in the Lohan fam: Michael is actually saying nice things about Dina! And mom, dad and all the kids will allegedly all be together for the final service for Lindsay's grandfather, who died last week. They'll scatter his ashes in a Long Island harbor. [E!]
• You know how Sarah Palin was on the cover of Us? Apparently the magazine "lost thousands of subscribers in the first 24 hours" following the printing of the issue. [MSNBC]

• Lily Allen's suffering from a major hangover and some regret after drunkly swearing on stage at the GQ Awards. Her Facebook status is "dying inside" and she wrote that she "feels like killing" herself, although that part has since been removed. Free champagne is a blessing and a curse. [Daily Mail]
• Leighton Meester and Blake Lively of Gossip Girl: Guest stars on 30 Rock this fall. Apparently Liz Lemon was a mean girl in high school! [EW]
• Heidi Montag: "I'm waiting for my Barbie Doll. That's what I want next." Spencer Pratt: "We just talked to Mattel yesterday, and we are already working on our own Ken and Barbie." That sound you hear: Thunderous hooves, as the Apocalyptic horsemen approach. [Socialite Life]
• Romeo Beckham is The Dark Knight. [The Sun]
• Balthazar Getty and Matthew Rhys, who play brothers on Brothers & Sisters are not speaking to each other, and it's Sienna Miller's fault. Naturally. [E!]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, is moving into her own house in West Hollywood. But! Her beau, Milo Ventimiglia, is upset because he thought they were moving in together. Turns out she's wary of Milo, who keeps talking about marriage. A source says: "She's not even old enough to have a drink, so she's not even thinking about settling down." [Star]
• Whoa, there's a feud between Alec Baldwin and Greg Garcia, the exec producer of My Name Is Earl. Alec can't understand why they'd do a one-hour episode of Earl: You've got to be fucking kidding me," he says. Garcia says Alec sounds like a "psychotic narcissist." [Page Six, Defamer]
• This story about Jennifer Aniston is titled: "Did Brangelina Spoil Jennifer For Other Men?" Here is an actual line from the article: "When it comes to men, Jen’s radar seems hopelessly broken, leaving her prey to the serial-shagger charms of men such as [Paul] Sculfor, who is now cosily loved up with Cameron Diaz, and [John] Mayer, who has been involved with a string of other celebs including Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse ordered 48 bottles of Jack Daniel's. For a weekend gig. [The Sun]
• Kim Kardashian is helping sister Khloe with Celebrity Apprentice. First assignment: Lunch with Omarosa. Uh-oh! [Page Six]
• Tension in New Kids On The Block? Seems like Donnie won't hang out with the other kids or play their reindeer games. [Page Six]
• Richard Branson says, "The best way to reduce your carbon footprint is not to fly at all. But that's not realistic. You can't walk to England." He has a solution, of course: "Fly Virgin. One hundred percent of all profits from all our airlines are reinvested into finding a cleaner fuel solution. We had an experimental 747 that ran on coconut oil… but it took 150,000 coconuts for one flight. So now we're looking at developing fuel from algae. If you fly Virgin, you'll support this cause." [Rush & Molloy]
• Rachel Weisz was voted Hollywood's hottest babe — in a poll of 4,000 lesbians. [The Sun]
• Actor Joe Pantoliano, aka Ralph Cifaretto on the Sopranos, was at the RNC lobbying for his charity, No Kidding, which deals with brain disease. Joey Pants sufferers from clinical depression. [Page Six]
• The court case between Matt LeBlanc and his former business manager has been settled. You can click to see the court papers or think a happy thought about butterflies, and I suggest the latter, because the papers are a yawn. [ET]
• One year after vowing never to perform on the MTV Awards again, Kanye West will close the show's 25th annual ceremony in Hollywood on Sunday. [Reuters]
• Christina Aguilera will also perform at the VMAs. [Daily Star]
• Don't hold your breath for U2's new album: It's been pushed to 2009. Bono says the band has 50 or 60 new songs to consider for inclusion. Decision time. [Reuters]
• The dude who robbed Kiki Dunst's hotel room last August is getting four years in jail. Maybe that's why his MySpace has Jewish prayer music on it? [Gothamist]
• Ciara: Naked on the cover of Vibe magazine. [Concrete Loop]
• Akon performed in South Africa last week and when one of his female fans embraced him, he violently elbowed her off the stage. [Molly Good]
• Anthony Edwards will appear on the final season of ER, but Dr. Mark Greene is not back from the dead: He'll be in flashback scenes. [AP]
• Are you the Gatekeeper? Columbia Pictures is working on a new installment of Ghostbusters. [LA Times]
• An L.A. businessman is suing Gene Simmons over an Indy Racing League deal. [E!]
• "It's going to stop one day. It's not that you fall. It's just one day there are new people, and, you know, the opportunities aren't what they once were. It happens to everybody, man. I prepare for the worst. I think every show I do, I realize I could get booed off the stage and they could throw tomatoes. Hey — Michael Jackson, man. One day you're Vanilla Ice and the next day you're…Vanilla Ice." — Chris Rock on his career. [Page Six]
• "I live in Costa Rica, way off the grid. We live off solar power, with no car, and no telephone. I'm nothing like my character. I'm more into the environment." — Perrey Reeves, aka Entourage's Mrs. Ari Gold. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I didn't really have any expectations. They say it gives you a little more juice for the first year and that's it. It certainly didn't help me get this movie made." — Helen Hunt, on life after winning an Oscar, and her directorial debut, Then She Found Me, in which Salman Rushie has a part as an obstetrician. [Guardian]
• "The corsets were very restrictive. The worst part was after lunch because they don’t help your digestion." — Keira Knightley on burping her way through The Duchess. [The Sun]
• "I don't always love kids. Sometimes I absolutely loathe them. Children are just people who haven't lived very long yet. I'm predisposed to be affectionate if someone’s smaller but if they're loathsome in the first five minutes, they're loathsome.” — Colin Firth. [Daily Express]
• "I had sex if I had the energy. I wasn't one of those guys who believed in the myths about the guy losing his chi. The fact is that if you are riding your bike six, seven hours a day, you are not a sex champion. You're just not. You have fatigue, low testosterone and a lower libido. But you know, I never got any complaints." — Lance Armstrong to Men's Journal. [Page Six]

[New York, August 27. Image via Splash.]

• Jewel is hitched! She eloped to the Bahamas and married her man, rodeo champ Ty Murray. The bride wore a wedding gown, the groom wore blue jeans and a cowboy hat. They've been together for more than ten years. Congrats. [People]
• Morgan Freeman was released from a Memphis hospital yesterday following that serious car accident on Sunday night. He says: "I'm doing very well. I feel real good." He suffered a broken arm and elbow and "minor shoulder damage" but is expected to fully recover. Hopefully he'll go back to playing that awesome guy he always plays. [Reuters]
• Paul Newman may only have weeks to live. He's told his family that he wants to die at home. He's apparently finished chemotherapy and is frail and thin. Sadness. [Daily Mail]
• Ellen wants Oprah at her wedding! [Mirror]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie are part owners of a London pub called The Punchbowl, and it's being investigated because the staff allegedly sell pints cheaper to locals than to tourists. Not surprising. [The Sun]

• Madonna's brother has stories the publishers wouldn't let him print in his book, so he's spilling them on his blog. There's stuff about her childhood hijinks, like walking in on her dad and stepmother while they were having sex. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Oh, Madonna's documentary about the plight of orphans in Malawi, I Am Because We Are, will have a companion book of photographs by award-winning photojournalist Kristen Ashburn. Proceeds go to the Raising Malawi organization. [Perez Hilton]
• Though you may have heard that Helena Bonham Carter's daughter was named Indiana Rose, that name was never confirmed by Helena and partner Tim Burton. Apparently, Tim and Helena had a tough time agreeing on a name, but now they have revealed that the 7 month old is named Nell. [People]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty were seen shopping in Malibu yesterday. Seriously. That's the news. [Yahoo News]
• She bought "slinky tops." [The Sun]
• Javier Bardem thinks his own sex scenes are hilarious: He was seen laughing at intimate moments during a screening of Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Is his giddy joy enough to make you want to see this flick? [Page Six]
• Mariah Carey rented a gigantic mansion in the Hamptons this month, and she'll throw a party celebrating her marriage to Nick Cannon. It's only been four months since their quickie wedding, you can totally still get them a gift! [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt will indeed star in Quentin Tarantino's remake of Inglorious Bastards. The gist: Five court-martialed GIs in WWII escape toward Switzerland. [Page Six]
• Gossip Girl scandal! Someone has been RSVPing Blake Lively and Penn Badgely for events without their knowledge or consent. Blair Waldorf, looking at you. [Rush & Molloy]
• A custody hearing has been requested by Alec Baldwin regarding Kim Basinger and daughter Ireland. All has been quiet since that "little pig" voicemail in April 2007. Is the drama starting up again? [E!]
• Last week we heard that Jon Voight sent daughter Angelina Jolie presents for her newborn twins; today he says: "I haven’t had any contact. I heard they’re healthy, and I’m so delighted for them. I love all these kids. I haven’t seen them yet." [E!]
• Bernie Mac is responding well to treatment for pneumonia and should be out cracking jokes in a few weeks. [AP]
• Are Benicio Del Toro and Catherine Keener hooking up? Love them both! [ONTD]
• The buzz on Nikki Blonsky is that her mom is "obnoxious and difficult," making it hard to work with Nikki. [Perez Hilton]
• Lisa Kudrow is being sued by her former manager, who claims she stopped paying him his guaranteed cut of her earnings after she fired him. We're talking about $50,000 or so. [Yahoo News]
• Prison Break's Lane Garrison is supposed to be in a substance-abuse program, but it was cut by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Whoops! [Yahoo News]
• A Paris Hilton/Stan Lee superhero cartoon? Not hot. [Perez Hilton]
• In a UK poll asking which famous lady you'd love to call, Brit dudes chose Kylie Minogue as number one. Keira Knightley came in second, Angelina Jolie was third and Scarlett Johansson fifth. [The Sun]
• A rare sighting of Bono without his trademark sunglasses! [The.Life Files]
• "I got cut out of the movie." — Dennis Hopper on Swing Vote. [Rush & Molloy]
• A blonde goes up to Brody Jenner in New York and starts talking to him. Brody looks to friend Frankie Delgado, who explains, "You slept with her in Cabo." That's what friends are for. [Page Six]

• Whoa. Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan are dunzo. She was supposed to star in his remake of Barbarella, but studio moguls wanted "a bigger star, a bigger name." Now the flick might have — wait for it — Jessica Alba as the lead. What a fucking mess. But yeah, the whole leaving your wife for the chick in your movie thing is always bad news bears. [Page Six]
• Yo! Daniel Craig lovers! The new bond trailer is online! (Why yes, he is shirtless for a split second!) [BBC News]
• Jennifer Aniston and the gang are reuniting for a film version of Friends. Why, Zeus, why??? [Daily Mail]
• A source says Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees has been hanging out at Madonna's apartment a lot lately. He's been leaving as late as midnight. They work out at the same gym, have the same agent and her kids like the Yankees. But! Madge's spokesperson says there is no truth to the rumored affair. [NY Post]
• Plus, Madonna's spokesperson says: "There are no divorce plans." [Reuters]
• The spokesperson, Liz Rosenberg, Madonna's PR flack, swears that her Madgesty and Guy Ritchie are not getting divorced. TMZ points out that she is the same woman who, in 2006, said, "Madonna has not adopted a baby, despite reports that she has." [TMZ]
• Madonna and Guy walked into a New York City restaurant last night, holding hands. Then they had dinner together. So clearly, everything is fine. [People]

• A smiley, happy slideshow of photos of Madonna and Guy through the years shows that he never wears a wedding ring. [TMZ]
• Angelina Jolie is in the hospital but "there's no urgency." She's resting and whatnot. Twins, people. Twins. [People]
• Her hospital check-in was "planned" and Angie is "doing great." [Reuters]
• Angelina's obstetrician will make a statement this afternoon. What will it be??? [AP]
• And yeah. Angie may have fibbed about her due date. [Fox News]
• BREAKING NEWS: Shannen Doherty is in talks to reprise her role as Brenda on the new 90210. Holy uckfay. [Perez Hilton]
• Christie Brinkley's divorce trial begins today and it's hard to muster the energy to care. It sucks that some dude cheated on a supermodel with a 18-year-old assistant but: Yawn. [AP]
• Daniel Radcliffe says of the new Harry Potter movie: "There is a fair amount of sexual energy and there are some drug parallels. We have a couple of what David Yates, the director calls our 'Trainspotting moments'." [Mirror]
• This headline: "Pharrell Williams To Grow New Skin In A Test Tube To Make Room For New Tattoos" says it all. [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller: Seen in Prague hugging married man Balthazar Getty and yes, there are pictures. [Daily Mail]
• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong had a beachside lunch with Kate's mom Goldie Hawn, aww. [People]
• Boy George was forced to cancel his US tour due to visa denial. He's all, "Do you really want to hurt me?" And the authorities are like, "Yes." [USA Today]
• Colin Farrell has a new dame, novelist Emma Forrest. They've been together six months (???) but made their first public appearance in Hollywood last night. [The Sun]
• Meryl Streep is psyched about her Mamma Mia! movie: "It's a requirement of popular culture that you strike an ironic distance. This doesn't. It's a film about women and their whole experiences being hopeful and youthful and older and suffering the regrets that you have over a long life. It's visceral and I love that." She also says: "Women's real change in our society has been disruptive, but feels evolutionarily necessary. So now 60% of the kids in college are women. More than 50% of medical students are women. They're not at the top in government and business, but there is real change and I think that has terrified everybody. It's terrified men and it's terrified women." As a result, she thinks, "women have performed a compensatory step back". Streep starts imagining out loud what the women who have made that step back tell themselves. "'I won't be sexy if I'm this - even though I want to be paid an equal amount, I still want to appear sexy, I still want to appear fragile, so I'll lose weight.' That's my theory about what women are doing anyway." There's so much more, you should read the whole interview. [Guardian]
• Chris Martin thought he might be gay, then he discovered he loves breasts. [The Sun]
• The heirs of J.R.R. Tolkien have not received any money from the Lord Of The Rings movies, even though the studios grossed around $3 billion at the box office and $3 billion in DVDs and merch, wow. Wow. [LA Times]
• Donna Summer is making a "comeback." She has always written her own songs and her new album is no different. She didn't want to end up a "desperate housewife" so she decided to "go for it." And she doesn't plan to quit: "Ella Fitzgerald sang throughout her whole life. I have no intention of stopping." [Independent]
• Derek Jeter may or may not know what "prowess" means, but he likes the way it sounds when applied to his love life. [Page Six]
• Unlike Carrie Bradshaw, Candace Bushnell still smokes. [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin vs. NYC carriage horses: A shitty battle. [Page Six]
• Will Princes Harry and William appear in a movie about "the glamorous international polo circuit"? [Page Six]
• "As a woman, if you're outspoken and you know what you want, you're a bitch. And if you don't know what you want, you're a ditz." — Kimora Lee Simmons to Giant magazine. [Page Six]
• Here's something you didn't want to know: Director Brett Ratner bought five copies of The Big Penis Book. [Page Six]
• That Russian male model, Andre Birleanu, from America's Most Smartest Model, who was arrested twice and charged with harassment and sexual abuse? Looks like his cases will be dismissed. [Page Six]
• Anne Hathaway's family tried to warn her about her con man ex-boyfriend, Raffaello Follieri. And did she know that shit was about to go down? She left the country right before the Feds arrested him. [Rush & Molloy]
• Tom Hanks vs. Jack Nicholson; SAG vs. AFTRA. [Rush & Molloy]
• LeRoi Moore, the sax player in Dave Matthews Band, has been seriously injured in an ATV accident. [TMZ]
• Tony Hawk and wife Lhotse welcomed their first child, a daughter named Kadence Clover Hawk. (Tony has three sons from a previous relationship.) [People]
• Will Audrina be topless in her new movie? Do you care? [Egotastic]
• Eddie Murphy might retire. I wish he'd quit before he made Meet Dave. [ONTD]
• Josh Hartnett will star in a stage adaptation of Rain Man — as the Tom Cruise character, not the Dustin Hoffman autistic savant. [UPI]
• McDonald's has a Devo-looking Happy Meal toy, and Devo is pissed. [UPI]
• Justin Timberlake is afraid of his momma. Justin says she's like, "'Answer me when I ask you a question!' and then I’d start to answer and she’d go, 'Shut up when I’m talking.'" [MSNBC]
• Is Shia LaBeouf dating Ginny Weasley? He's 22 and she's 17, btw. [ONTD]
• Lindsay Lohan and Lily Allen: Recording a duet! [OK!, via ONTD]
• Alleged illegitimate Lohan sister Ashley Kaufman wants a record deal. Of course. But! An "insider" says: "Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali." [MSNBC]
• Today is Lindsay Lohan's birthday. What do you think she's getting from Sam? [PopSugar]

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

Earlier: Tina Fey: Comedienne, Cover Girl And "Great Role Model" For Women

30 Rock [NBC]

• Matt Damon has been crowned People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive." When he learned he was chosen, he turned them down — but the editors found his humility so sexy, they insisted! [The Early Show]
  
• Hmm, but Matt's cover is meh. You can almost feel his discomfort. [People]
  
• Headline News anchor Nancy Grace has been hospitalized with pregnancy complications following the birth of her twins on Nov. 4. After she had trouble breathing on her way to church, doctors found blood clots in her lungs. She's said to be recovering. [People]
  
• Kevin Federline has requested yet another emergency custody hearing. Homes is playing hardball! This time it's regarding that red light Britney Spears ran on November 8 — with the kids and the court-appointed monitor in the car. "Ms. Spears was being mobbed by paparazzi at the time," says Brit's attorney. "She was distracted. This was not blatant irresponsible driving on her part." Blah, blah, blah. [People]

• Jon Bon Jovi may run for governor of New Jersey someday? What's next, Britney Spears is the mayor of Vegas? Paris Hilton in charge of foreign relations and diplomacy? [Page Six]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis was seen "sweating profusely" at the Frederic Fekkai salon in New York. "His eyes were half shut," says a source. Uh, whose are not when they're being shampooed? [Page Six]
• Paul Sevigny says sister Chloe's love life is suffering because of TV show Big Love. "She gets maybe one day off in the week," he complains. [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin wants Senator Hillary Clinton to think about childhood obesity before she votes on a bill that would give subsidies to farmers who provide products like cheese and sugar to schools. [Rush & Molloy]
• TV host Kelly Ripa: "I buy jeans that are tight in the rear end... I treat my cheeks like breasts in a pushup bra. I just reach down in there, lift them up and push them together. And they'll stay put if the jeans are tight enough in the seat." TMI! [Rush & Molloy]
• ER star John Stamos was harassed by a woman on a flight from Chicago to LAX, and the FBI got involved. Stamos didn't press charges and everyone in first class lived happily ever after. [E!]
• Lauren Conrad says what you see on The Hills is real, and she is "just friends" with Brody Jenner: "We're weird, we're whatever." [E!]
• The Spice Girls have five different L.A. mansions as they get ready for their world tour. "5 girls, 5 houses, 24 bedrooms, 29 bathrooms, 6 pools," notes the British press. [Mirror]
• Hugh Grant's Andy Warhol painting sold for £11 million last night (he paid £7 million for it in 2001). Nice investment! [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse couldn't visit husband Blake Fielder-Civil in prison yesterday because he's only allowed one visitor per day and his mother, Georgette, got there first. See what happens when you stop for snacks and cigarettes? [The Sun]
• Oh, and Amy Winehouse's parents sent an ambulance to her house when they couldn't reach her last night; she came home unharmed. And probably saying "Calm the fuck down." [Daily Mail]
• Did Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy break up because she found text messages from another girl on his mobile phone? Sweetie, he's a player! Move on. [The Sun]
• Hannah Montana fans are suing the Miley Cyrus Fan Club because they couldn't get tickets for her concert. We predict a very special episode to come! [Yahoo News]
• People are wondering if Lindsay Lohan is addicted to shopping. Uh, yes. [ABC News]
• Discovery Health Network has pulled the series Plasic Surgery: Before And After after reports that the show's host, Dr. Jan Adams, operated on Kanye West's mother before she died on Saturday. [Washington Post]

Alec Baldwin is a pyscho. In other news, two plus two is four.

Kevin Federline. Making a movie. About a struggling rapper. Bring it on!

Peanut butter hotdogs. Because, you know, the world really needs them.