• Courtney Love, who recently lost custody of Frances Bean Cobain, posted two incoherent rants on her Facebook page today, bashing Kurt Cobain's family and her 17-year-old daughter. She says Frances "was deceptive she lied and shes lying to herself."

She continues, "frankly the whole thing disgusts my daihgter is not always honest and ive alliwed her to visit with these assholes i support to the tune of houses horses and monthly annuities and cars, well the good news is now that frances is clearly deluded that she can buy her grandmaother a 'small house in la' id love to see how that works." She goes on to insult members of the Cobain family who have been named Frances' guardians saying, "well im going out with ms palmer and ms kirke and frances have fun on your covers of the tabs, thats what your wonder bread side likes, you couldve asked for emanicaption youc ouldve gone to simons rock, but you have to get involved with that terrifying not to me, to you witch who keeps britney spars in jail? thats insane. you realie this will put you in juvenoile fami;y circus three times in your little life? this is what along with his mother killed your father..." [Perez Hilton]

• Now that a judge has shut down Jon Gosselin's TV career, he's running out of money and the bills are stacking up. "Jon's in pretty serious financial trouble because his plan for making money was shut down in court," said a source. "He has warned his lawyers that he can't pay them and if he doesn't succeed against TLC, he will have no funds. He's even gone so far as to say that if they want to be paid, they will have to sue him." The insider adds that it's time for Jon to get a real job, but he's making no effort to do so. [Fox News]
• It's too bad that Lindsay Lohan wasn't in court today — a judge gave her high marks for complying with the terms of her DUI probation. [TMZ]
• According to a police report, Erin Muller says she's afraid her ex Michael Lohan "will do bad things to me and my family" because he called her on Sunday morning and "started harassing me, questioning me who I have 'been with, who's car was currently in my drive way,' things like that." He called her twice and she recorded both conversations. An embarrassing leak to the press would only be fair. [TMZ]
• A-Rod's friend says he broke up with Kate Hudson because of the way she behaved at Yankees games. "[Hudson] wanted more camera time each and every game," said the source. "She would always want to be styled before games and she'd insist on front-row seats... It was a turnoff to have a girlfriend who always wanted to be on camera. Alex wanted someone who was more interested in building a long-term relationship than just building their profile." [Us]
• Michael David Barrett plead guilty to stalking Erin Andrews today. Before he entered his plea Andrews told the court, "I have nightmares about the sexual predator. I hope he never sees the light of day so no one else has to deal with this." [TMZ]
• It was a busy day at Tiger Woods' house. Art was taken from the home in a moving van and workers showed up, possibly to repair damage in the vestibule that resulted from Tiger's Thanksgiving fight with his wife. [TMZ]
• Elin Nordegren took her two children with her to a lunch meeting at a restaurant. She told the paparazzi (who were screaming at her, no doubt) that her kids are "doing just fine." An eyewitness says, "She looks bone-thin... And her conversation with the other adults was very intense, especially in comparison to smiling little Sam and Charlie." [Ok]
• Nike chairman and co-founder Phil Knight says of Tiger Woods, "When his career is over, you'll look back on these indiscretions as a minor blip, but the media is making a big deal out of it right now." [Us]
• Sources say Tiger Woods' latest mistress Theresa Rogers "was crazy about Tiger but she didn't want to feel like a bought woman, a paid escort. She just wanted to be the woman who schooled Tiger in the bedroom... She bragged, 'I taught him everything he needed to know to be a great lover!'" [Radar Online]
• Tiger Woods offered to buy his "porn star mistress" Joslyn James a house, according to her sister. "She told me once that Tiger Woods was going to buy her a house in Las Vegas and that she had seen him many times," said Samantha Siwik. "I believe that my sister took advantage of him because I know that she is that kind of person – she only thinks about herself. It would not have bothered her that he was married she would wanted to get all that she could from him." [Radar Online]
• Amy Winehouse's father Mitch Winehouse insists she has not reunited with Blake Fielder-Civil, even though she spent two days at his apartment last week. "Don't believe all that you read! I am not going to comment on Amy's trip to see Blake, except to say this guy who purports to love Amy, the next day, sold an exclusive to The Sun," said Mitch. "He has a funny way of showing his love. Nice earner though - 5k at least. It sits beside other betrayals; selling Amy's letters to the papers, videoing her when he said camera was off etc. So why [do the newspapers] give this liar, violent criminal and betrayer the time of day?" [Daily Express]
• Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher have reportedly decided to get married in May or June. "Isla and Sacha want a small wedding that will include only family and their closet friends - possibly fewer than 50 people," says a source. [Daily Express]
• Richard Perry says the rumors that he and Jane Fonda are engaged aren't true. "She thinks it's a bit too soon [to marry], and no doubt, she's right, although I said from the beginning we should make our relationship a priority," he said, adding, "Sometimes the thought pops into my head that Jane will organise a wedding as a wonderful surprise for me." [Daily Express]
• At the Nobel Peace Prize after party Toby Keith slanted his eyes while Will Smith rapped the word "yellow" in "Rapper's Delight." His rep says: "No one at the concert thought Toby was out of line. Everyone was impressed with his rapping skills and that's it ... all of the artists liked each other, hung out, and it was a very friendly, genuine, and supportive atmosphere." [TMZ]
• Barry Williams, who played Greg Brady on The Brady Bunch, obtained a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend Elizabeth Kennedy because he claims she once pulled a knife on him and, "I know that she will definitely try to harm me once she is aware that our relationship is now over." [TMZ]
• Randy and Evi Quaid failed to show up for yet another court date today so a judge issued $40,000 arrest warrants for both of them. [Radar Online]
• Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi of Jersey Shore says getting punched in the face wasn't all bad. "A positive came out of it," said Snooki. "It definitely brought [the cast] closer together. It definitely brought us together as a family. We have each other's backs and it was a positive." [People]
• Meredith Baxter, who recently came out, will be writing a memoir about "her life as an actress, mother of five children, and grandmother, and will candidly discuss her fight with breast cancer, her 19 years of sobriety, entrepreneurship, and her decision to come out." [N.Y.T.]
• The House unanimously passed a resolution recognizing the 50th anniversary of Miles Davis recording "Kind of Blue." [AP]
• Abba, Genesis, Jimmy Cliff, The Hollies, and The Stooges will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame next year. Kiss was nominated for the first time but wasn't selected this year. [N.Y.T.]
• American Idol winner Kris Allen says of Adam Lambert's recent racy performance, "Yeah, that's who he is... Obviously, he couldn't do that stuff on Idol. And so you're getting to see the real Adam now." [People]
• Brian Setzer was hospitalized last night after he collapsed during a concert in New Mexico. His rep says he was suffering from "a combination of dehydration, high altitude, and vertigo," but he's completely recovered and will perform tonight. [TMZ]
• Robin Thicke, whose latest album is titled Sex Therapy, says his wife Paula Patton is "my sex therapist." [Us]
• After hearing that he's up for Best Dramatic Actor at the Golden Globes this year Colin Firth said, "The Hollywood Foreign Press have just given me time out from my 20 year midlife crisis - my heartfelt thanks to them." [The Mirror]
• Sandra Bullock says of receiving two Golden Globe nominations, "I am beyond stunned. Just to be included in the company of these amazing women I have so admired through the years has left me slack-jawed with awe." [People]
• "Not that I have a husband to have one with yet, but someday I'd like a family – not a big one, but not a small one either," says Carrie Underwood. "Two kids is good; three is fine. Four? Somebody's getting something done, because we ain't having five!" [People]
• Q: In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job? Kristen Johnston: "Try to stay sane." [New York]
• Q: What do you do when you come to New York? Wilford Brimley: "Well, we eat good food in good restaurants. You've got the best food in the world here. And I visit friends that mean a whole lot to me. You know, we live on a ranch in a small Wyoming town. We don't live on Mars." [New York]
• Alanis Morissette used to be depressed, but she told Runner's World, "running has made being depressed impossible. If I'm going through something emotional and just go outside for a run, you can rest assured I'll come back with clarity." Also helpful: "Red wine, and it's fun to have medical marijuana once in a while." [People]
• Teresa Giudice of RHONJ Tweeted about RHONY star Bethenny Frankel's nude PETA ad, "To quote Bethenny: 'I just threw up a little in my mouth." She continued, "Help me understand this. Bethenny is happy with her naked pic because she was 'already pregnant' at the time. She says she's now three months along, but she did the shot in August. Even if she's four months pregnant now, she would've been, like, one hour pregnant in the pic... Someone tell Bethenny that sperm does not make you look fat, and I'm not buying the airbrushing thing in any case." [Us]

[New York, November 3. Image via INFDaily.]

Christina Applegate: Sleek, basic, body-conscious black. Safe? Sure. But also classy.

I'm not a huge fan of Isla Fisher's pleated leather skirt, but she looks comfortable and cool.

Remember when Katharine McPhee was a brunette who wore pretty dresses? Now she's a blonde in liquid leggings. Downgrade.

More liquid leggings… But since Jillian Michaels looks prepared to kick my ass, I'll shut up.

Not sure about the vest, but I love Sheryl Crow's punky plaid pants.

Alanis Morissette's basic black stays interesting with a drapey neckline.

I'm probably one of the few fools who actually watched the Disney Channel original movie Gotta Kick It Up!, in which Camille Guaty starred — it's about Latina teens on a dance squad, and I do not recommend it. But call me crazy: I think wearing a tiger tee to a rock event is okay.

Marcia Cross looks dramatic in black, what with the flawless, pale skin and fiery hair, but the neckbow on that top is a No.

I like Courteney Cox's easy purple shift dress, but someone should have told her that when she puts her hands in her pockets it looks like she's about to announce an Unsolicited Uterus Update.

Jenna Dewan, aka Nora in Step Up, aka Mrs. Channing Tatum, chose regular leggings over liquid leggings and a tunic made from birthday present gift wrap.

Dear Lance Bass: It appears that your jacket does not fit, and you're trying to fake it by wearing it open, with the sleeves pushed up. I know this trick, because I have done it before. That is all.

Jimmy Jean-Louis is a Haitian actor known for his character — creatively called "The Haitian" — on Heroes. He is also very handsome, very dapper, and, sadly, overdressed for this event. Or maybe everyone else is underdressed? Don't change a thing, Mr. Jean-Louis. We love you just the way you are.

Lisa Kudrow has made some bad choices. Namely: That jacket with that T-shirt, those pants and those shoes.

[Images via Getty.]

[Los Angeles, August 29. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

• Oy (Oi?): An Australian tabloid is claiming that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are "in turmoil" because Kristen is pregnant with the sparkle vamp's spawn.

The story is illustrated with a ridiculous "bump watch" close-up of Kristen's rather flat tummy trying to breathe in some super tight leather pants. Oh, hey: While we're on the subject, remember this? [ONTD]

• Will Breaking Dawn, the fourth Twilight film, have a different director? Says New Moon's Ashley Greene: "[Eclipse director] David [Slade] and [New Moon director] Chris [Weitz] will both be busy in postproduction, and Catherine [Hardwicke] will be doing Hamlet." [E!]
• Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson is sick of shooting his film in New York and dying to get back home. A source says he is "so over everything" and overwhelmed by fans: "He's embarrassed by the way girls throw themselves at him. The girls here are stalking him. He stayed in two different hotels over the course of four days just to try to escape the fans who were following him. He's afraid that if he gives a hand, they'll take the whole arm. He's being advised by security not to encourage the crowd, so he doesn't even look up anymore." [Gatecrasher]
• You know that Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning will make out in The Runaways, right? [NY Daily News]
• A tiny, "economically depressed" Indian reservation in Washington state — home of the Quileute Nation — has become inundated with Twilight fans. The tribe opened its Wednesday night drum circle to all visitors, but has "mixed feelings" about the attention. [NY Post]
• Did Chris Brown and Amber Rose hook up at Diddy's white party on July 4? "They were holding hands and making out in the shadows," a witness claims. Kanye West was "devastated" when Chris Brown harmed Rihanna, whom Kanye thinks of as a sister. What will he think of his on/off ladyfriend making out with Chris Brown? WILL HE WRITE A RANT?!?! [NY Daily News]
• Weeks after allegedly trashing a hotel room in L.A., Courtney Love is being accused of leaving a NYC hotel room "littered with needles and used feminine hygiene products." [The Sun]
• Daniel Radcliffe says the idea of him dating Emma Watson is "really incestuous," but admits this of his Harry Potter costars: "There was a period when we were the only boys and girls any of us knew. And so, you know, we were all unbelievably horny from about the third film to probably about the end of the fifth; then it all settled down." Hmm. Sounds like someone was fantasizing about someone! [Mirror]
• Though details are sketchy, it looks like Jennifer Hudson, Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys and Aretha Franklin will be attending and performing at the Michael Jackson memorial. [MSNBC Scoop]
• 1.6 million people wanted tickets for Michael Jackson's memorial, but only 11,000 tickets are available. A producer says: "It will be a celebration of Michael's life (but) we're not approaching it as a TV show… In the future, there may be a tribute to Michael Jackson. This is really a memorial service. It's not going to have all the bells and whistles. We want to keep it low-key." [AFP]
• "I want to stress to those people who are coming, or are thinking about coming, to the city for this special event that you might want to consider watching this from the comfort of your home," says Councilwoman Jan Perry, L.A.'s acting mayor (Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa is out of the country). [CNN]
• There are already Michael Jackson memorial tickets on eBay. [CBS News]
• Lawyers will be in court today, arguing over who will control Michael Jackson's estate. [TMZ]
• The doctor who was with Michael Jackson the day he died clams he did not administer Demerol or OxyContin to Jackson that day. What about Propofol? No comment on that. [TMZ]
• Fans have created a shrine to Michael Jackson in Moscow, Russia. [CNN]
• A 1984 Andy Warhol portrait of Michael Jackson is up for auction, if you have like $10 million. [NY Daily News]
• This piece by Michael Jackson biographer Ian Halperin alleges that Michael was a drug addict who had recorded 200 "secret" songs before he died, had been depressed for a long time and had recently begun a relationship with a male artist, but was afraid of being revealed as gay. [Daily Mail]
• This paper is running video of Michael Jackson defending himself about child abuse allegations. He looks incredulous and annoyed. [News Of The World]
• According to this report, Michael Jackson may be buried in concrete to prevent fans from digging up his grave. [UPI]
• Will Michael Jackson be cremated, and his ashes scattered at Neverland? [NY Post]
• The bodyguard who called 911 to save Michael Jackson's life is named Alberto Alvarez, and he was apparently so loyal he didn't tell his neighbors whom he worked for. "He would disappear for days at a time. I guessed he was in security because of his size," one neighbor says. [Mirror]
• Paul McCartney is "devastated" that he doesn't have rights to Beatles songs he wrote with John Lennon, which may be part of Michael Jackson's estate. [Daily Express]
• In an interview with Silvio Berlusconi, Bob Geldof forced the Italian Prime Minister to apologize for failing to meet commitments to fighting poverty. "How can you lead the G8? Where is your credibility?" Geldof asked. [Times of London]
• Look for Michael Phelps to appear with that guy Jared in new Subway sandwich commercials starting today. The theme? "Be yourself." [AdWeek]
• Jon and Kate Gosselin spent the 4th of July together (with the kids). they had agreed weeks ago to set aside their differences for the holiday. [People]
• Alanis Morissette's guest stint on Weeds begins tonight. The singer says: "Weeds was my solace and respite in the back of the bus on tour. I was in the middle of detoxing at the time, and it was my replacement addiction for food." [USA Today]
• Gerard Butler partied in Montauk, NY over the weekend, at a "model-strewn" bash thrown by photographer Ben Watts (brother of Naomi). Did Gerard have fun? "He was there with about a million girls," a source says. [Page Six]
• Free your mind! En Vogue marked their 20th anniversary with a reunion show at the Essence Music Festival. [AP]
• Lock, stock and two smoking barrels of turnips: Guy Ritchie is trying to make his country estate, Ashcombe House, more eco-friendly and self-sufficient by adding greenhouses and vegetable gardens. [Mirror]
• Josh Duhamel and Fergie got a stripper pole as a wedding gift, but Josh says: "I've played on the pole more than she has." Pardon? "If you know my wife, she's a perfectionist and won't get on it until she's good, so she wants to take a class first. So the pole is really just decorative at this point." [Page Six]
• "German director Wim Wenders has stopped production on the planned 3D dance film Pina following the death of the film's subject — the legendary choreographer Pina Bausch." [Reuters]
• Blind items! "Which self-important, philandering writer who was dumped recently by his long-suffering wife is complaining that his jerky behavior is no longer covered on Page Six, moaning, 'You start getting used to it. And then you pick up the paper and you're not there and you think, 'Well, what am I, chopped liver?'" "Which unnaturally thin celebrity chef credits her bony frame to good eating habits, but really is addicted to laxatives?" [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which actor may have transformed himself from the drinker he once was, but still travels with his sponsor to avoid a slipup?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Q: What did you think about the Letterman/Palin controversy? (He made a truly tasteless joke about a baseball player and her 14-year-old daughter.)
  A: I thought the joke was hilarious and not only brought her back into the spotlight but gave her sympathy.
  Q: So, Letterman shouldn't have said it.
  A: Of course he should have said it! Oh, for God's sakes. We're comedians. Americans are so ridiculously uptight. Enough!" — Joan Rivers. [Houston Chronicle]
• "I look at Chris Martin who says he has never taken drugs in his life and I think he is an idiot. Doing drugs is the most beautiful thing about being in a rockband. Up until 1998 I must have spent £1 million on drugs then I stopped because it is bad for your health, brain, life and for people around you." — Noel Gallagher. [Daily Mail]
• "I was sort of smarting from Russell Crowe coming over here and playing Robin Hood and all these foreigners coming over here and stealing our great heroes - I felt I was striking a blow back by being a Brit playing a foreigner. I'd love to play Robin Hood but I'd particularly like to play all those parts Johnny Depp plays that are English people like The Earl of Rochester." — Dominic West. [Mirror]
• "It is bizarre, certainly in Hollywood, when you hit 23 [and] people start to ask you, 'How does it feel to get older?' It is absolutely surreal because, as a woman, when you hit your 30s it's just the beginning of owning yourself and being in your own body." — Carla Gugino. [Page Six]
• "I've always loved Chanel's style, but I was more interested in her character than the fashion. Her life is so rich, and her personality so unusual, that the story of her life is far greater than simply being a story of fashion. And I wanted to discover what lay behind the façade…" — Audrey Tautou, who plays Coco Chanel in Coco Avant Chanel. [Telegraph]
• "I've always been an elusive person. Maybe because it's the only way to keep yourself sacred. If you blow yourself out on too many movies and magazine covers, you just get chewed up and spat out. Okay, you might get to know me, but you can only come so far. The public is conditioned to think it's entitled to know everything about Brad and Angelina and whoever else, but that's not so. They're not entitled." — Robin Wright Penn. [Times Of London]
• "It's obvious I'm not dressing for men. I don't want to be sexy, I'm, like, covered in tattoos. I have piercings. I'm just grungy and weird and not what is socially accepted as being beautiful, and I think that's cool. [My heroes were mostly big in the '90s.] The women who were championing things that were different. I loved Winona Ryder in her Beetlejuice and Heathers era, and even when I saw Angelina Jolie on the red carpet, like, years before the Hollywood makeover and everyone was so weirded out because she had long, weird nails and a long, weird dress on. And that's what I think is amazing. Anti-beauty. I don't want to dress for men, I think it's almost like a feminist thing." — Peaches Geldof. [Times of London]

• More Manolos and man-drama: The Sex And The City sequel is on. Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis are all on board… and getting more cash. [Us]

• Heath Ledger died one year ago today. His last film, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, will be released in June. [News.com.au]
• Paging Dr. Ross! George Clooney will, indeed, return to ER during its final season. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Tina Fey and Jon Hamm spill about 30 Rock! Tina says: "He plays a divorced gentleman who lives in my building. I meet him because I start getting his mail by accident and I start opening it and making assumptions about him based on it. Then I believe the technical term for what happens is 'shenanigans.'" Hamm adds: "Also high jinks. Believe it or not, there are misunderstandings." [EW]
• Jennifer Hudson will do the National Anthem at the Super Bowl because "she knew it was time" to perform again, says a source. [People]
• People are disgusting. How else to explain why there's an extortion plot involving John Travolta and a photograph taken of his son, Jett, as he was dying? [Daily Mail]
• Tom Cruise is urging Americans to "support" Barack Obama. Uh, dude? We got this. [The Star]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer is opening a studio in New York. This is how it starts. Next we'll all be covered in GOOP. [NY Mag]
• Jodie Sweetin is reportedly back on coke, which may put the custody of her 9-month-old daughter in jeopardy. [Radar]
• Dita von Teese is returning to the "celebrated" Crazy Horse theater in Paris for a two-week run of her striptease show. Two years ago she "emerged from a rhinestone-encrusted bubblebath," but this year? "I feel I have to raise the bar," she says. "I wanted to do something more elaborate this time." [Reuters]
• Kevin Dillon, aka "Drama" on Entourage talks to Vanity Fair's George Wayne about Oliver Stone, outer space and the singer Pink: "Johnny Drama would love to get together with Pink." [Vanity Fair]
• Keira Knightley was walking around East London and realized that she was being followed and photographed; she texted her friend: "Read dickhead pap! Ahh!" We know this because the photographer took a close-up picture of her phone and it has been published. Madness. [Just Jared]
• Is Twilight keeping Kristen Stewart from going to college? She has no plans to go to university, she says: "Not now, maybe if I can grow up a little bit. But not yet, I can't. It's just I've had a lot of demands put on me for quite a long time." [Reuters]
• Dakota Fanning in the Twilight sequel? Could be fangtastic! [E!]
• Abigail Breslin's inked three pictures: two animated and a horror comedy called Zombieland with Woody Harrelson. [Variety]
• Sharon Stone D.C. gossip: "Over at an unofficial Pennsylvania ball at the Ritz, an emaciated Sharon Stone wowed the audience with an impassioned, if wildly disjointed, Obama-style appeal to get involved in politics. During her rambling discourse, she highlighted single mothers, anthracite coal and the Steelers as the Keystone State’s greatest attributes, according to an attendee. 'It was so weird. She’s seven flavors of crazy, each more delicious than the next,' the source added." [Politico]
• Here's a rundown of all the celebrity ego trips — including Halle Berry getting her dress stuck in an escalator — that happened down in D.C. [Page Six]
• Etta James watched Beyoncé sing the song she made famous, "At Last," from her home. [NY Daily News]
• U2's new album cover is virtually the same as the CD cover of an album called Specification Fifteen, which came out in 2006. [The Sun]
• In case you missed it, Katy Perry has taken a vow of celibacy this year. "No kissing anyone. Just my cat, Kitty Purry." [The Sun]
• Alanis Morissette is swimming with river dolphins and feeding wild monkeys in the Amazon right now and you're not. [AP]
• Don't speak: Gwen Stefani is getting back together with No Doubt for a 2009 summer tour! [Page Six]
• Dudes who logged on to AskMen.com found Isla Fisher more desirable than Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr. [News.com.au]
• The best thing about this gossip item regarding Audrina from The Hills is how she's wearing a T-shirt with the words "a beautiful lie" right over her fake boobs. [People]
• This new Heineken commercial with John Turturro should be an ad for weed, because he says the kind of shit you say when you are high as a kite. [Brand Freak]
• PETA has withdrawn an offer to televise an anti-dogfighting PSA with Michael Vick after his release from prison. [AP]
• Susan Sarandon is doing a new flick with Pierce Brosnan because Pierce called her and asked her to. [Gatecrasher]
• Singer Akon has no idea how old he is. He was born in the US but spent his early years in Senegal and says: "In Africa... age is not important over there. They don't care. People only focus on it here [America] and in Europe." [AP]
• Peter Falk's daughter is trying to place him under a conservatorship, but his wife of 32 years is opposing the proceeding. [AP]
• Some dumbass working for TMZ asked Ron Howard if there will be an Andy Griffith movie, and since Howard said no, this story is called "Ron Howard Kills 'Griffith' Reunion." [TMZ]
• Josh Groban is gonna work with Metallica and Beastie Boys producer Rick Rubin, LOL. [Fox 411]
• Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey are friends now, FYI — they grew closer after Townshend faced child porn charges and was cleared. "Roger bravely stood by me when I really couldn’t speak for myself," Pete says. [Daily Express]
• Mark Ruffalo is back to work. [Reuters]
• Blind item! "Which small-screen actress is just as naughty as her TV character? The hottie was seen kissing quite a few fellas at Sundance despite having a serious boyfriend." [Gatecrasher]
• "Miley Cyrus Likes To Touch Big Boys." [The Life Files]
• Aerosmith's Steven Tyler says he's never been rejected by a woman: "I'm a persistent motherfucker. I'm very sensual and very rhythm-oriented and into poetry. Women can feel that." This blogger points out: "In a culture where no doesn't mean no, you've just got to be a 'persistent motherfucker' until a woman relents—and then you can claim victory and convince yourself you're some kind of awesome Casanova." Word. [Shakesville]
• Catherine Deneuve's daughter, Chiara Mastroianni — who once dated Benicio Del Toro — is in a new flick with her mother. Chiara says having famous parents (her father is the late Marcello Mastroianni) "made me even more determined to prove that, if I get attention, it's because I'm good at my job, not for other mad reasons." [Independent]
• You know how George Carlin loved to say the 7 words you can't say on TV? None of that made it into an FBI file on him. "Which kind of disappoints me," his daughter laughs. [AP]
• Fess up: Which one of you spent £12,000 on Colin Firth's Mr. Darcy portrait? [The First Post]
• "I did once snog identical twins in San Diego. I was on the sofa and I had them both. I was dancing and shoving my ass on one of them. That’s the only time, but I have lesbian dreams a lot." — Lily Allen, on her same-sex experience. [The Sun]
• "I'm having a really good laugh over the fact that I've been nominated for a Razzie this year. I had so much fun filming Disaster Movie and giggled the entire time during the shoot. There is steep competition in my 'worst supporting actress' category, I have to admit... including my fantastic costar Carmen Electra (you go girl!), Leelee Sobieski (what a surprise!), Jenny McCarthy (really?) and Paris Hilton (who could technically sweep this year's awards with a whopping three nominations!). It's an honor just being nominated! LOL!" — Kim Kardashian. [Kim Kardashian]
• "I'm in love with Barack Obama. I wanna get married — like, I wanna have his kids. Why am I not Michelle, you know what I mean? Who the [bleep] is she? You know, why can't I be her?" — Macy Gray. [Page Six]
• "My videos stand the test of time. They are like the almanac for every performer. Even Rihanna has come up to me and said 'I hope you don’t mind.' And Beyonce. You can see the influence of what I’ve done." — Paula Abdul. [MSNBC]
• "Mother Nature was not very kind to me. I'm going to deal with her when I get home. It, by no means, was my standard. I was not happy with it, but I just feel blessed because it could have been five above zero or five below zero like it is in Detroit. I was still blessed to be able to pretty much just sing the melody, but I wasn't happy with it, of course." — Aretha Franklin on her inauguration performance. [CNN]

• Lindsay and Sam rang in 2009 with yet another tear-drenched fight, this time at Miami International Airport. Linds was so inconsolable on the plane that she was asked if she'd like to disembark.

• As two of our favorite Lezebels, we hope these kids can work it out! [TMZ]
• Heather Locklear's DUI charges have been dismissed and she plead guilty to reckless driving, a misdemeanor. Locklear had prescription drugs in her system when she was arrested last September, but she'll only pay a $700 fine and have three years of informal probation. [TMZ]
• Alanis Morissette says that what inspired her to go on a diet and lose 20 lbs was longevity. "I realized I want to live till I’m 120. There’s a lifestyle that I am now happily creating that can, as best as is possible, prevent most forms of cancer and other diseases." Posing in pleather leggings in Ok! is just an added bonus. [ONTD]
• In his new audio book Ricky Gervais says he wants to tell people who have liposuction and gastric band operations, "You lazy f—-ing fat pig. Just go for a run and stop eating burgers. You might f—-ing die." We have a feeling Gervais may realize just how active the overweight can be when he's swamped with angry letters and phone calls. [The Telegraph]
• Molly Ringwald is pregnant with her second child! Insert your own Brat Pack/Pretty In Pink/Secret Life of the [Knocked Up] American Teenager joke here. [Star]
• Robert Pattinson's life is so hard because he has to wear gold (or perhaps topaz) contact lenses for the Twilight sequel New Moon. They are uncomfortable and hamper his acting. Note to Pattinson: if you whine this much about contacts, your chances of being offered Benjamin Button-type roles in the future are slim. [E!]
• K-Fed's new girlfriend Victoria Prince shares a birthday with Britney, which is clearly some kind of sign from the cosmos. Kevin has been a real gentlemen, opening the car door for his new lady and always paying for their bowling games. "They are definitely a couple – I have seen them kiss," says a source at their local bowling alley. "But they both seem focused on the bowling." [People]
• Despite rumors that Diddy was begging for inauguration tickets, his reps would like to inform you that Diddy does not beg for invites. He was offered tickets by the Obama camp for his work on the campaign trail. Says Diddy, "I'll see ya'll at the inauguration." [TMZ]
• It was reported yesterday that the millions Madonna raised for her own charity Raising Malawi had not been received by the foundation. But apparently they are just being processed by the LA Kaballah Center, which of course, makes perfect sense.[Perez Hilton]
• Rosie O'Donnell wrote this on her blog: "2009 / this year / unplugged / see what happens / on we go / peace out / and in," which means she is never posting on her blog again. We think. [Perez Hilton]
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban will continue renovating their recently-purchased Australian mansion even though developers are building a 100-dwelling conference center on the other side of their back fence. There is local opposition to the development and the owners offered to just sell it to the couple, but they don't want to get involved in the local squabble. [News.com.au]
• Will Smith has been voted the Top Money-Making Star of 2008 by Quigley Publishing Company. Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie were the only ladies who made the top ten. [PR News Wire]
• "Everyone ages in a really different way. Some people rage, rage against the dying of the light, and some people embrace it. And people age according to how their lives have been physically. And so I really had to think about the fact that Daisy was a dancer and so how would she age? And how would she treat her aging? I thought, well, she'll always wear makeup, and she won't let her hair go, and that her injuries will come back to haunt her later in life, hence the stick (a cane), and I have a slight limp. A limp and a stick often help a character sink in." - Cate Blanchett on playing an older person in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button [Reuters]

• David and Victoria Beckham were in a car crash Friday in France. David was driving his BMW to the Nice airport when he lost control and crashed into a wall. No kids were in the car; Posh was the only passenger. The vehicle had a smashed windshield and damage on the passenger side, but everyone was OK. Bex had to catch his plane (to appear in the Olympic closing ceremonies) so he left poor Vicky with the car… [Perez Hilton]
• Playdate! Kingston Rossdale and the Spears brothers! Britney entertained the three boys while Gwen and Gavin have their hands full with a new baby at home. It says a lot about Brit's progress that people will leave their kids with her, huh? And look, only two nannies in the accompanying picture. [Daily Mail]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie can claim £1,400 a month in child benefits after registering France as their home. Not that they will claim the money. Because they are perfect. [The Sun]
• Lance Bass helped Christina Applegate recover from her double mastectomy. "I was at the hospital holding her hand and getting her through it," he says. "She is a very, very loved person. She's a big crossword puzzle girl. That kept her busy. In her hours of recovery, she's made all these roses out of lace. She has hundreds and hundreds of these amazing different roses. She doesn't know what she's going to do with them." [People]

• Apparently the trailer for Keira Knightley's new film, The Duchess, has shots of Princess Diana intercut in it, with the words "The two were related by ancestry and united by destiny… History repeats itself." Except Keira's flick is about Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. Who did not die in a car crash. [Telegraph]
• Madonna and Guy renewed their vows in a private Kabbalah ceremony in London. A-Rod, shmay-rod! [Daily Mail]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off over the weekend! [The Sun]
• Madge has $1 million worth of Swarovski crystals on her costumes! [Mirror]
• Her show was "epic" and featured a video appearance by Britney Spears, as well as virtual appearances by Kanye West and Pharrell Williams. [Mirror]
• Madonna's workouts to get in shape for her tour have paid off. Hubby Guy Rithie says: "Her legs are Olympic standard. She is in amazing shape. You won’t find a fitter bird than her. Her legs are so toned. She’s fitter than dancers on her tour who are half her age." [The Sun]
• Madonna's tour includes negative images of destruction: global warming, Hitler, Mugabe and Senator John McCain. Then! Positive images! John Lennon, Al Gore, Mahatma Gandhi and Barack Obama! [AP]
• Um, the McCain camp is not happy about Madonna's tour images. "The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time." [Yahoo News]
• Is Madonna sparking a stocking trend with her 100 pairs of fishnets? [The Sun]
• Four relatives of Helena Bonham Carter were killed in a minibus crash while of a safari holiday in South Africa last week. [Times of London]
• Amanda Bynes was in a minor car accident Saturday afternoon in L.A. She made an unsafe turn and another car hit her. No serious damage, no drugs or alcohol. [People]
• Jet-setting billionaire Charles Simonyi is engaged to a Swedish woman named Lisa Persdotter, which is weird because Martha Stewart has often referred to him as "my boyfriend." [ONTD]
• Chris Kattan filed for legal separation from his wife, Sunshine Tutt, citing irreconcilable differences.The couple were engaged for 18 months and married for less than 2 months. Sigh, WWMD? (What Would Mango Do?) [Yahoo News via E!]
• John Mayer paparazzi shots aren't worth very much now that he's not with Jennifer Aniston. [MSNBC]
• Barenaked Ladies frontman Ed Robertson and three other people are "very lucky" to have survived a plane crash yesterday. The float-plane went down in the trees in Bancroft, Ontario, Canada. [Toronto Sun]
• Kim Kardashian cut her foot in her hotel room Sunday night. A source says there was so much blood, it looked like a murder scene. She sliced her foot open on a glass coffee table — right before she's supposed to start Dancing With The Stars! [ONTD]
• George Michael's final farewell concert was in London over the weekend. "It's great to be home," he said. (I won't let you down. I will not give you up. Gotta have some faith in the sound… It's the one good thing that I've got.) [Telegraph]
• There was a beachside premiere party for 90210 over the weekend, with Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth in attendance. [AP]
• Boy jeans: Now seen on Jennifer Aniston. Katie Holmes, what hath thou wrought? [Daily Mail]
• Drew Barrymore: seen singing "I Will Survive" at a karaoke joint in Detroit with Whip It co-stars Juliette Lewis and Ellen Page. It's okay, you'll find better than the Mac dude! [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty went house shopping in Malibu! The "love nest" they checked out was priced at £11million. Guess that's what Getty oil money will get you. [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has been granted a visa to perform in Australia, despite his long list of drugs, firearms and weapons charges. You can't hold back the dee oh double gee! [News.com.au]
• Paula Abdul has undergone neck surgery to repair an old cheerleading injury. She's supposedly been in a lot of pain since um, 1987, which maybe made her take pain pills, which maybe made her loopy. [Perez Hilton]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver was talking about free range chickens and gassing chicks when he some kind of Holocaust joke about the Germans, whoops. [The Star]
• Adrian Grenier: Dating an Aussie "weather girl"? [News.com.au]
• Blind item! "Which newly single TV personality tried out his sonorous baritone on young co-eds while vacationing in Mexico? 'He was bouncing between college girls like a pinball,' says our spy. 'His son was there, and it was embarrassing to watch.' Even worse, we hear there were no takers." [Rush & Molloy]
• Mary J. Blige and Robin Thicke will tour together in North America this fall. Will they sing together? A duet could be hot! [Reuters]
• When Alanis Morissette was 15 years old, she opened for Vanilla Ice on tour: "I was instructed not to look him in the eye and that was my first experience of honouring someone’s privacy to the point where you look away when they come near you. I thought, 'Wow, I didn’t think that actually existed!'" [Daily Express]
• Ed McMahon has found someone to buy his home and it's not Donald Trump. [Yahoo News]
• If you like Lil Wayne, Birdman or the Hot Boys, you'll love Cash Money Mobile, the new phone service that delivers ringtones, graphics, videoclips, text alerts and other crap right to your phone. A milli, a milli, a milli. [Reuters]
• Bobby Brown is being sued for failing to pay the legal bills for his divorce from Whitney Houston. He still owes almost $100,000 — can he get if from that country show? [Mirror]
• Tennis star James Blake talks about going to high school with John Mayer: "Just about every day he was at my house, and we'd play Nintendo games… I was about five feet tall wearing a back brace [due to scoliosis]… I don't think either one of us was doing that great [with the ladies] in high school – John was still kind of fitting into a niche ... He's more than made up for himself with how he's done since then." [People]
• Christopher Plummer recalls that hilarious time he thought he had syphilis and William Shatner took his role in Henry V. [Page Six]
• It's been twenty years since N.W.A.'s Straight Outta Compton. Ice Cube says: "It was what we saw all around us in Los Angeles. Gangsta to us didn't have anything to do with Al Capone and stuff like that. It's just about living your life the way you want to live it. And you're not going to let nothing stop you." [USA Today]
• A Serbian village unveiled what it says is Europe's first statue to late Jamaican reggae star Bob Marley on Saturday. Apparently the war-torn region prefers role models of peace. [Yahoo News]
• There's an excerpt from Faith Evans' book, and it details the night when she caught Lil' Kim in Biggie's bed. "As soon as I saw a small lump next to Big’s large frame, I flew into a rage, ran over to the side of the bed, and pulled back the covers. I grabbed some chick our of the bed and started beating her ass. At some point, the chick’s wig came off in my hand; It was a short, cropped wig. I stopped throwing punches for a minute to get a good look at the chick I was beating up. It was Lil Kim. She was completely butt-naked, yelling as I pushed her around the room…" [The.Life Files, Gawker]
• "Growing up, there’s a lot of pressure on young women, when you first become aware of your own looks in relation to other women’s looks. You just want to be cookie-cutter beautiful. And sometimes you think, 'Maybe I could change something about myself to fit that mould.' I’m no exception to that. When I was growing up I wanted a nose job because I didn’t think my nose was good. Your face needs to have character if you’re going to be an actor or you’re just kind of a face. You’re not really a person or a personality." — Anne Hathaway. [Daily Express]
• "Making clothes together in our studio makes us feel complete. We probably sound like a group of grannies in a knitting circle but it's the truth and it gives us some control over our visual identity." — Coldplay's Chris Martin. [Mirror]
• "I wrote that song as a stalker. It was raining, and I was sitting there in front of the house, watching her come home from a date after we were divorced. I was imagining what she did on this date, and watching her giving him a kiss. I went home and wrote this song." — Terrence Howard, on the "No. 1 Fan" from his new album. [E!]

• "i just had to share something that came up today and it made me feel a bit sick to my stomach. so, here's the visual... two paparazzi come up out of nowhere (like usual) and start throwing questions at me... one of them being, 'Hey Lindsay, what do you have to say about people commenting on your sisters implants?' WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14 year old girl, and you are a pedophile! i am not judging people that do, but i am just saying that its not something that my family finds necessary to do, especially when you're not even fully developed yet! It is hard enough being 14 years old and you have enough insecurities to begin with, then add being in the public eye... i just find it really disconcerting that people have to focus on the negative and that some people are sooooo bored with their own lives that they need to manifest lies to hurt another person." — Lindsay Lohan, on her MySpace Celebrity blog. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Christian Bale will get a "caution" — is that like a warning? — for allegedly pushing and shoving his sister and mom. Meaning he won't go to court. [The Sun]
• Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi: "Getting married very very soon." [Perez Hilton]
• Jennifer Aniston's been seen with model Matt Felker. Also known as Selma Blair's ex-boyfriend. Also known as the guy from Britney's "Toxic" video. [Perez Hilton]
• Apparently John Mayer is "still mulling" his relationship with Jen and might be upset that she's seeing someone new right away. Whatever, dude. [Mirror]

• Angelina Jolie is not "the replacement" for Tom Cruise in the spy thriller Edwin A. Salt; Tom passed on the role. Spin control or correction? [MSNBC]
• Paula Wagner, Tom Cruise's production partner, is quitting MGM/UA. Again: Is Tom's career in the crapper? [Financial Times]
• "I'm writing every day, right here at the piano," Britney Spears says. The new songs are her "best work ever." [Reuters]
• Pam Anderson has a new man! He's from the United Arab Emirates and may be a member of Abu Dhabi's royal family. Think she'll live in Dubai part-time? [E!]
• Pictures of Chris Brown and Rihanna frolicking on the beach in Barbados will make you want to go on vacation. [The Sun]
• Is Mary-Kate Olsen, who has an estimated $20 million annual income, "burning through her money? [MSNBC]
• Meanwhile, Ashley Olsen's been seen "all over" new boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Page Six]
• Michelle Williams is careful about the paparazzi: "Before Michelle leaves the house with Matilda, she has a bodyguard go around her block and make sure there are no photographers," a source says. [Page Six]
• The phrase "wardrobe malfunction" has gone into the lastest Chambers English Dictionary. Thanks, Janet Jackson, for adding to our modern lexicon! [Mirror]
• While Madonna has plans to adopt a little girl from Malawi, she won't be adopting Dingiswayo Banda, David Banda's newborn half-brother. This paper is trying to make her feel bad about that. [Daily Mail]
• This report says Madonna is not planning to adopt another child from Malawi. [TMZ]
• Benji Madden and Paris Hilton: Dunzo? [E!]
• Kelly Brook and Billy Zane: Splitsville. "This time, for good." [Mirror]
• Winona Ryder and Blake Sennett from the band Rilo Kiley: Broken up. There are two eclipses this month and everything is all effed up, you guys. Hug someone. [Perez Hilton]
• Courteney Cox directed a short film for Glamour magazine's Reel Moments. "My short's about a girl, played by Laura Dern, who has a chance encounter on a bus that confirms the decision she makes to be single and reinforces her faith in herself," Cox says. "You don't have to have someone complete you." [USA Today]
• Kevin Federline was checking out spelling conundrum Brittny Gastineau at a club in L.A. recently, but Brittny was not interested. Unrelated: Would you like to buy a vowel? [Page Six]
• David Beckham, Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin and Leona Lewis will be part of the closing ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. If they do "Stairway To Heaven" my brian will explode. [Mirror]
• Sylvester Stallone will star in a Bollywood movie? Must. See. [Wall Street Journal]
• Some dude fell down a "large, concealed drop-off" on Sharon Stone's property and he's suing. [TMZ]
• A woman arrested on charges of stalking John Cusack has been found mentally competent to stand trial, and she'll be in court September 9. [Reuters]
• Dave Coulier speaks about being the inspiration for Alanis Morissette's song, "You Oughta Know." "I said, 'I think I have really hurt this person.'" Ya think? [Perez Hilton]
• If you've got a hundred bucks and an idea about who shot JR, you can go to the 30th anniversary party for Dallas, being held at a Texas ranch. Larry Hagman, Linda Gray and Patrick Duffy have confirmed they will attend! [AP]
• Audrina Patridge has been offered a guest role on a new sitcom, Do Not Disturb, starting this fall. Not that you care. [People]
• "What have you done? You hardly know the boy!" — Peaches Geldof's dad, Sir Bob, upon hearing that his daughter got hitched in Vegas. [Mirror]
• "You can’t understand how a woman seeing a man who has been separated from his wife [Rosetta Getty] for months can cause such a scandal. It’s awful, I can’t tell you. You wonder when it’s all going to stop." — Jo Miller, Sienna's mom. [Daily Express]
• "I don't believe in God, I believe in Al Pacino, and that's true. If I ever get a phone call saying, 'Would you like to work with Pacino?,' I would go crazy." — Javier Bardem in Time magazine. [Page Six]
• "If anyone wants to win an Oscar, they can just work with me." — Kerry Washington to Giant magazine, referring to her Academy Award-toting co-stars Jamie Foxx and Forest Whitaker. [Page Six]

Morissette Reflects On Breakup With New CD [AP]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

Please Let This Sex Tape Happen[ASocialite'sLife]

• And just for that, my whole celebrity gossip roundup is going to be exorcised of the "Royal We" this afternoon. Justin Timberlake just give an interview to Details in which he complains about celebrity magazines making everyone's lives into a "soap opera" and says he neeevvver talks shit about his ex-girlfriends. You know, if there is one thing I love more than that particular product of the celebrity industrial complex in which a celebrity guarantees the elevation of his stature within the celebrity industrial complex by decrying another product of the celebrity-industrial complex within the context of a similar, competing but mutually beneficient product of the celebrity-industrial complex, it is... um, maybe whiskey. [USA Today]

• No WAIT! It's stories like Perez Hilton is the new Pitchfork! Wherein the mainstream media celebrity industrial you-get-it takes a swipe at one nimble online competitor by claiming ANOTHER incredibly idiotic and comparatively small website is actually more "influential" than the first. Unless, of course, Perez Hilton really is responsible for Lily Allen suddenly being the MySpace music of my one Republican friend... Oh god. [Blender]

  After the jump, we take on the Alanis!