P.S. We like pictures because they're easier than reading, so feel free to send some our way.

"Who's the girl with the daisy freshness? You, we hope. In the business world you're not only under obligation to do a good, conscientious piece of work, but part of the bargain is that you look decorative wile you're doing it. Companies often spend large sums of money to make their reception rooms and offices into glamorous settings, and they expect their employees to further the effect by always appearing perfectly and tastefully groomed. Of what worth are the potted philodendrons, the lavish drapes, and the modern furnishings if the customer is confronted with the sleepyhead who staggers in, featuring curlers and a kerchief, or the gumchewer in the grimy blouse with a button missing?" (pg. 137)

"The clever job applicant most certainly wears a hat—one that is fairly small and not too extreme in style. Although a hat is becoming less essential these days, particularly in warm weather, many personnel directors look to see if a prospective employee has the good business sense to wear one. The girl with a hat is sure to be rated a good notch above a hatless competitor, because she has made the extra effort to finish off her costume." (pg. 284)

"Allow the employer to lead the interview conversation as much as possible. Girls who talk too much, are too self-assertive, or who force their personality into the interview too strongly usually are ushered out rather fast." (pg. 289)

"Not only the big brass and the board of directors are concerned about employees making a good impression, but your own particular boss is also mighty interested. Your good grooming is evidence that he knows how to pick a smart girl—that he's a pretty clever fellow. He may be only third assistant to the purchasing agent, but if he can choose an attractive and charming Girl Friday who's efficient as well, his prestige has leaped several notches. Needless to say, when he can take pride in you the benefits are sure to bounce back your way." (pg. 137)

More advice:

"During your menstrual period it is more important than ever to guard your daintiness." (pg. 139)

"The surest way to a man's heart (good roast beef not withstanding) is through his ego. If you can inspire him or give him a higher vision of himself, you have presented him with the most marvelous gift any man could desire. The woman who can do this is always cherished and adored." (pg. 448)

"The most gratifying part of a quest for charm and beauty is that the more you work at it, the greater are the miracles that will be worked for you!" (pg. 468)

Earlier: Queefs: What's The Etiquette For Dealing With Air Up There?

A few months ago, I met my boyfriend on JDate, a dating site for Jewish singles. He assumed I was Jewish, and I didn’t correct him when I had the chance. Now I’m afraid that if I tell him, he’s going to dump me. What do I do? I really like this guy, but it’s getting weird.
Look, I know that lying in an online dating profile is practically de rigeur these days — just ask either of my exes that posted profiles in singles sites while we were still dating — but that doesn't make it the right thing to do. What are you actually there looking to do? Are you looking to find someone who likes you for you, or for someone you can lie to long enough that he'll be so attached by the time he gets to know the actual you that he won't leave even though he'll think you're a liar and might never trust you again? You lied, and you kept lying and of course it's "getting" weird. It started out weird. Accept that he might dump you, accept that you may end up with a profile on TrueDater.com, accept that you have serious issues if you can spend months lying to someone like that, and then suck it up and tell the truth with a measure of contrition and humility. And then get into therapy to try to figure out why you can't trust people to like you for who you are.

My assistant doesn’t do anything for her appearance — no make-up, hair pulled back (and looking greasy) and dumpy clothes. I try to set a good example by being put together. Now that summer is here, she’s wearing open sandals and doesn’t paint her toenails. Her feet look rather unkempt, and I think painted nails pull a look together — especially in summer! How do I have a conversation with her? She wants to move out into the business world in the next year or so, after she completes her M.B.A.
As a woman who rarely wears makeup, has incredibly un-shampoo- commercial-like hair, used to wear dumpy clothes and currently sports a 3-week old chipped pedicure, believe me, you don't have to tell her that's she's not living up to society's expectations that all smart, successful woman are also impeccably dressed, coiffed and manicured. You know what that often requires? Money. Sometimes lots of it. It also requires time and effort that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't have while working for you full-time and trying to complete a graduate degree. Plus, frankly, no one is going to be looking at her toes during a job interview (if for no other reason than she hopefully won't be wearing open-toed shoes).

On the other hand, a lot of younger people can and do benefit from appropriate career advice, from how to interview to how to negotiate on salary to how to move up within an organization. Maybe her grad program has sessions on those things that she's missing while working. Rather than talking to her about what she could do to try to meet your standards of "put-together," you could really mentor her and ask if there are career-training sessions at her college that she's missing and support her in taking the time off to attend them. You could help review her resume, or practice her interview skills, or, best of all, you could find some reason to compliment her appearance just because it would probably brighten her presumably extremely long day.

My friend and I have played tennis together for many years. Lately, I’ve noticed his cheating on line calls. This has been confirmed by others. I haven’t said anything to him for fear of damaging our relationship, but I’m starting to get frustrated that he is winning points at my expense. How do I handle this?
Ask yourself: do you want to keep the friend or win the game? Your friend is immature, hyper-competitive and annoying, but he's your friend. If it's just a friendly game of tennis for the enjoyment of one another's company and a little exercise, why make a point of it? But if it's so important to you that you win, bring it up while you're playing. Maybe he'll concede the line calls, and, presumably, him cheating won't be so much of an issue for either one of you relatively soon.

You’re at someone’s house who starts talking about how wrong gay marriage is. You are gay. What do you do?
I think the first question to ask yourself is how important is it to you that they know (or don't know) that you are gay. If you're trying to stay closeted with this person for whatever reason, you probably already know that getting into a debate on gay marriage — even as a straight person — with someone who thinks that the "wrongness" of gay marriage is an appropriate topic of conversation is going to make that person assume that you are gay. If this has consequences for you that you don't want to face (like, say, if you're in the military and this is your commanding officer), then you need to tread carefully, and changing the subject is probably the way to go.

If, however, you are out and feel as strongly about your side of this issue as he does (and are not concerned for your safety, obviously), then you shouldn't swallow your pride and pretend like it doesn't matter to you. You should, however, recognize that the kind of person who brings this up with strangers isn't going to be convinced of the validity of your point of view or agree with your arguments because he's already closed his mind. The best you can hope for is that he will recognize that there are people who don't agree with him and maybe he should keep his yap shut in the future, and that you won't have to be subjected to his company again.

Social Q's [NY Times]

So, here are the questions:

Do you have $5,000 to $10,000 worth of savings in the bank that could go toward baby-related costs?
Why, yes, if I didn't have to pay my mortgage or student loans. Will Sally Mae give you a breeding deferral?

Could you live on around $1,000 less a month, the average cost of child care? If you or your partner plans to stop working, can you support your lifestyle without that second income?
HA! "Partner." "Second income." "$1,000 less a month." It was hard to complete the test after laughing that hard.

Do you know the details of your workplace maternity or paternity policy?
I write crap on the Internet, and don't get paid when I don't.

Could you afford to add an additional dependent to your health insurance?
I believe this is what SCHIP is for.

Do you have an emergency fund that would cover at least three months of living expenses?
What have I been living off of since January?

Do you have life insurance and a will?
What, like I have stuff to give away?

Would you need to buy a new home or car before expanding your family?
Yeah, my 1 bedroom place isn't nearly big enough for a dog, let alone a baby and all the crap that it needs.

And, yet, somehow, I still managed to score a 3, which came to "You are on the right track, but additional planning could help ease the transition to parenthood." Yeah, additional planning, a real job, a partner with whom to share the responsibilities, some emotional maturity, health insurance and a desire to breed.

But, it's not just me who lacks those things. Lots of people have lots of kids without any consideration of the financial implications. Sometimes that's good, sometimes it's bad, and sometimes the only thing you really need to make room for is the probability that your life is always going to change in unexpected ways (like, say, getting fired from a job!) and you shouldn't live paycheck to paycheck if you can possibly help it.

Can You Afford a Baby? [USN&WR]

Apparently, not getting a boner when you've taken substances that lower your inhibitions is a man's body's way of telling him that boning is a bad idea.

"Engaging in risky sexual behavior — such as unprotected sex with high-risk partners — is one of the chief side-effects of any street stimulant," explains Galloway. "But an equally powerful side-effect is the inability to perform sexually, which, while frustrating as hell, has probably prevented a lot of disease transmission and unwanted children."

Basically, if he's done it tonight, he's done it before, and if he's that keen to do it now and you're the one insisting on a condom despite your own chemical impairment, well, don't assume the rest of the women of the world are as conscientious. Protect your lady parts, the peen ain't worth it anyway.

I mean, also, if you're the guy and you're just popping it to get an erection, you're ignoring the fact that there might be a legitimate, medical condition requiring you to need it that deserves treatment, but, really, it's all about how it affects us.

Erection Reform [Psychology Today]

So, here are her eight signs:

1. Your partner is not as social as he used to be.
2. Your partner lacks interest in sex or is sexually unresponsive.
3. Your partner is being uncharacteristically demanding or rough during sex.
4. Your partner does not seem “present.”
5. Your partner has started to nit-pick your appearance.
6. You feel like you’re no longer getting straight answers from your lover.
7. Your partner is practically wed to the Internet.
8. You’ve noticed a change in your partner’s demeanor.

Great, well, welcome to the world of a bad relationship. Numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 and 8 are stereotypical signs also of someone who is unhappy in a relationship, having and affair, thinking of having an affair or simply creating emotional distance for whatever reason. Spending a lot of time on the computer could be a porn addiction, or it could equally easily be him, say, communicating with his other romantic interests — for instance, in the 2 months before I caught a long-ago ex posting personal ads on the Internet, his computer time spiked because he was obsessively checking his online profile and IMing potential dates and looking at profiles, not because he was downloading porn (though he was doing that, too, and obviously that was the least of our problems and not representative of an addiction).

Look, people like porn. Some people like it more than others. Some people masturbate to fantasies in their head and some people masturbate to porn and as long as neither one is significantly interfering with any aspect of your life then it doesn't really qualify as an addiction. Normal people don't look at porn or masturbate to compete with their sex life. The moment that it becomes more important than your actual sex life, than your lover or your partner, the second you can't achieve orgasm without your porn of choice in your face or you forego (good) sex to masturbate to porn, the second you start plunking dollar after dollar down to access this or that webcam or some specific actress's site and you feel yourself attached to someone you don't even know and will never meet, yeah, that's heading into addiction territory. But some images on a hard drive, or an interest in viewing it is not an addiction.

A couple of friends-of-friends have actually struggled with porn addiction. One spent tens of thousands of dollars and drove himself and his family into bankruptcy. Another got to the point where he was consistently turning down sex with his hot wife in favor of masturbating to straight vanilla porn. Both required therapy (and one required a strategically placed mirror by his computer) to start to deal with their lives again, because their interest in pornography turned into a need for it that interfered with their relationships and their lives writ large.

So, look, if your partner is not communicating, refusing sex, experiencing personality changes and spending a lot of time on the computer and/or wanking to porn, the problem you need to focus on is not the porn. It's the lack of communication, the deliberate or even subconscious creation of emotional distance and the lack of honesty. By attacking the porn, you'll be inviting the other person to become defensive and allowing both of you to ignore the actual issues in your relationship that are much sadder and more difficult to deal with.

But, hey, it's your relationship and so if you want to believe your partner's pornographic taste is totes a reflection on you and if that partner just stops masturbating, then everything will be sunshine and rainbows and you'll live happily ever after, the end, go ahead. I know a good lawyer that will help you with your eventual divorce, and a great house cleaner you will help get the stains out from the underside of your computer desk.

FOXSexpert: 8 Signs Your Partner is Addicted to Porn [Fox News]

Coloccia has many scoops like this, which is why, perhaps, she is "developing" an online dating course. Which people will be able to take online. Lord knows how much Coloccia's class will cost (her book is $16.99 on Amazon) but here's some FREE ADVICE regarding dating online:

It's dating. With e-mail.

People lie online. They also lie in bars, at dinner parties and in bed. People post old pictures online. They also wear toupees, assume an expensive car will act as bait and have clammy hands in real life. There are married guys looking to cheat online, just like in real life! You can meet a gross loser online, just like you can in real life. And! I have dated online and I can safely say: You can meet a great, funny, smart, cute guy online. Just like you can in real life. It may not be easy, but since when is dating — of any kind — simple?

Married? Sleazy? Web Dater Finds Ways To Pick Losers [Reuters]
How To Navigate Online Dating’s Depths [MSNBC, via Reuters]

Earlier: New Ruel: When Dating Online Add 20 Years, 100 Lbs. To Your Partner's Profile

P.S. No animals were drugged in the making of this video.

Earlier: Dr. Ruth Personally Advises Us On Period Sex

1. Photographic Representation
Why is it that sexperts are always photographed coyly chewing on the stem of their glasses and showing cleavage? Real writers need their glasses on at all times, and usually type without even wearing a bra. (Or at least, that's been my experience in life.)

2. Employing the term "hot mama."
Telling mothers to not neglect their sexual sides and referring to them as "hot mamas" is the "literary" equivalent of scraping one's nails across a blackboard.

3. Sending Mixed Messages About Body Image
In her 10 Mistakes, Fulbright tells women to embrace their bodies, saying, "Walk around naked. Have sex with the lights on." And that's fine, but within the same article she says, "Strive to stay trim and look your best."

4. Advising Women To Act "Feminine" By Pretending That They Aren't Human
Fulbright says, "Between major weight gain, bodily functions, and divulging daily care habits, a lot of women fail to remain branded in their men's brains as sexy. While self-care and what we do in the loo is nothing to be ashamed of, keep it in the bathroom. Don't talk about shaving, your period, your last bowel movement, etc."

5. Neglecting To Give Women The Most Crucial Piece Of Sex Advice
Nowhere in her 10 Mistakes does Fulbright recommend that every woman own a vibrator. Nor does she say that women should discover their bodies and learn what they like and dislike. Lastly, she completely fails to mention that the biggest mistake a woman can make in bed is ignoring her own desires.

FOXSexpert: 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make [Fox News]

Chop vegetables like Penelope Cruz in Volver.
Onions, peppers, garlic cloves and olive oil: are there truer friends in times of economic woe? (Besides Top Ramen duh.) Is there any other aspect of women's work so fundamental to the survival of the species? I dunno, I'm just making excuses, I just think it's sexy.

Choose a perfume.
Floral scents, what can I say: I hate them. Yes, toilet water is an overpriced luxury good, but considering all the cash we blow on overpriced luxury goods dedicated to appealing to one's sense of sight and touch, you'd think we wouldn't be so thoughtless when it comes to the ritual of coughing up a hundred bucks to have that whole other sense covered for the next half year. So go: I may never encourage you to spend money again; spend some quality time at Sephora and come out smelling like something more interesting than a boutique hotel.

Tell the truth.
I can't make it tonight. I have a date. I'm interested in your ex-boyfriend. When you cheated on your husband it really disturbed me. You should maybe look into taking responsibility for your actions. "I would like to put a hit out on your therapist." I know, it's not easy. But isn't that kind of sad?

Withhold information.
Gossip is analogous to bacteria; humankind could not survive without it, but it can be deleterious in an unhealthy context. Get into the habit of withholding a certain amount of pointless amusing information just to keep your immune system in shape.

Take nothing personally.
He didn't do it to hurt you, and if he did, that's fucking weird. Humans are self-obsessed, that's the only reason you think this is about you, when it's really about something that has left people much smarter than us befuddled for millennia now, so you might as well focus on what you can control, which leads me to...

Take yourself personally.
Your persistent low self-esteem: how did it get that way? Were you awkward growing up? Not quick or witty enough? Just ugly? Once you gained a shred of confidence, did you blow your wad seeking out companions you knew would make you feel inadequate? Why? Think you're a narcissist? Or just a weak person? Guess what? We're all different. We're all completely individual assemblages of genetic traits and collected experiences. We're all special, which is precisely what makes us so un-special. If you harbor lingering dissatisfaction with yourself, figuring out what it is is a pretty good way to start coming to terms with that.

Apply makeup without a mirror.
You do this every day, right? Have a little faith in your abilities. Be that girl who is capable of leaving the house on three minutes' notice.

Assemble furniture.
Ikea would not sell $20 billion worth of furniture every year if putting it together was really that hard. It's a pain in the ass, sure. Your ancestors got their water from wells.

Get off.
It has never been easier. There are vibrators at CVS. Porn is an ill-advised Google Image Search away. And really, we all need sex. If you masturbate enough, you'll only seek out casual sex for self-affirmation. And knowing you are doing that will make it a lot easier to handle rejection!

Get hit on politely.
Go ahead and smile, make eye contact; he's probably not trying to rape you. The sexual charge will defuse over time and in the interim you can maybe make a friend. Dudes bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for flirting in this society, just as we bear an unfair percentage of the responsibility for looking pretty. Let's be sympathetic to one another, how about?

Cry.
There's an unlimited number of reasons you should. To do anything about any of that you have to stop crying eventually. You'll know when.

On second thought, laugh!
God, don't we feel lame after all that crying? So lame we actually laughed at that Dane Cook bit on the lameness of crying. Anything will make you laugh when you've finally gotten sick of crying, but hey, that's cool, dudes love it when you laugh at your jokes and that heady mix of "no pride" and "no standards" is the essence of funny jokes and good drunken one-night stands. Try to laugh as much as possible.

Know when you truly cannot do something.
And fuck no I am not talking about living heavy objects or figuring out how to use Excel. I'm talking about making as much money as your sorority friends, or having a child by 35, or marrying your boyfriend, or being anything better than mediocre at something you think is important.

Taxes.
I know, I know; I don't do them either. But someday we should all learn for ourselves how to abuse the loopholes in the tax code, right? It's our patriotic duty.

Talk about astrology.
Geminis and Libras get along; Virgos are neurotic; stay away from Scorpio men. It's what passes for Universal Truths these days, and you know what? It's not starting any wars. Maybe because astrology understands that people are fundamentally different, and in order to coexist with them peacefully you've got to not only try to apply the Golden Rule but try to figure out what motivates them, and how they would like to be treated.

Know why talking about astrology is bullshit.
Duh.

Eat.
Praying and loving are good skills to have, too, but if you can't nourish yourself without experiencing a complex range of guilts and fears and anxieties, you need help.

Be alone.
If you're bored, you may be on some level boring. Of course, we all are. Why do you want to hang out with your boring friends anyway? There are a lot of unboring people who have dedicated their lives to making books and movies and videogames to keep you happy.

Break up with someone before you cheat on them.

Tell someone you're mad before you find yourself getting passive-aggressive.
This was the suggestion of my roommate. Ha.

Better yet, ignore the anger.
It will find more useful targets.

Repress.
It's not denial if you are aware you're doing it!

Invest in the stock market.
The ready access to money represented in the constant trading of the global stock markets is the foundation of our economy. So it's not, you know, like fucking football. Much evidence of late points to the idea that women's relative lack of testosterone give us an advantage, especially in markets as jittery as these, when it comes to making money there. And who among us couldn't think of better things to do with a little chunk of Goldman's $21 billion bonus pool?

Have a sincere intellectual conversation with a fellow female.
Talk about post-structuralism, not in the context of The Hills. Talk about the war with someone you aren't trying to fuck. It's kind of thrilling what happens when two people who are biologically predisposed to listen to one another exchange ideas.

Call your mom.
And if you don't have one, or if you're estranged from her; if it's complicated or she's in a mental institution or dead in a car accident, please feel free to call me and remind me what an asshole I am to have the most awesome mom in the universe that I fucking never remember to call.

Okay, that's all. 25. All we need is 50 more and we'll totally reach parity with those highly-skilled Esquire readers! I know you have ideas.

[Redacted] (Franklin Township) 30 years old | Software engineer for a financial firm. | 5' 6" I think it is important to continually try to improve myself. It's important for me to be in settings where I will meet new people, and to create romance in a relationship. I enjoy mingling with people on social occasions. I strive to understand other people's points of view.

[Redacted] (Whitestone) 28 years old | New york city firefighter | 6' 2" My friends come to me when they are in difficult times because they know I can handle emotional crises. I have an ability to make others laugh. It's important for me to create romance in a relationship. I strive to accommodate the other person's position.

[Redacted] (Nyack) 32 years old | Director of Clinical Development | 5' 8" It's important for me to make new friends, and to create romance in a relationship. I care a lot about the physical shape I am in. My friends come to me when they are in difficult times because they know I can handle emotional crises. I strive to accommodate the other person's position.

In conclusion, after examining the logistics and opportunity cost involved in actually meeting any of these avowed commitment-friendly singles, I elected to maintain a policy of amenability to one-night-stands. It's always possible to fuck someone on the first date without becoming immediately repulsed by them, right?

eHarmony Apologizes For One Night Stand Article [Online Dating Industry Journal]

At some point, we all need to become adults, and in doing so, we need to stop being so selfish. If you want to make a relationship work, you have to do what you should and not what you want. You should make your man feel good about himself, even though you may want to feel ecstasy. Think about it: An orgasm lasts for a few seconds. A relationship can last for decades, if you work at it!

It may sound harsh, but it's true: Our body's primary biological function is not about orgasming. And that's why it's perfectly alright to compromise something like that, especially if it's for a better cause that's bigger than you, like securing a really great boyfriend. Because at the end of the day, that can be so much more satisfying than any physical sensation!

*So, as you probably know by now, Jezebel will be moving in a "new direction." I'll still be writing about sex, but it will be more focused on health/relationships, and have a purpose, rather than just sex for sex's sake. In addition, I'll be spending less time here talking about taking off my clothes, and more time on what clothes I like to wear.

Related: Why Women Should Fake Orgasms [DailyMail]

March 25 (10:35 am): "Hahahaha so true. Of course, our POST was about Dear Abby's advice, not that weird fucking letter."

March 25 (10:41 am): "It's also really weird that he's calling us for NOT spotting a fake when we spotted the fake who was plagiarizing all his (purportedly real) letters because they seemed so fake. Whatever, dude. Yeah, it was a super phone sex sounding scenario, but...um...nastier true shit happens every day on TV. Jesus fuck, there's a decent chance someone with this selfsame story winds up on Moment Of Truth by the end of this season."

March 26 (9:54 am): "Yeah, Dan Savage can suck it. He just hates blogs. Sure, the letter was a little porny and Penthouse Forum-y — but you know what happens sometimes? People ACT OUT THEIR PORNY FANTASIES. Weirder shit has happened. Seriously, Dan Savage, fuck you."

March 26 (10:28 am): "What annoys me is just that, hello, we are the ones who spotted his plagiarized letters in that NYPress lady's column. We spotted them because they sounded suspiciously fetishy. Because they had been sent into Savage Love, which is a repository of that sort of thing, okay. But then he went and defended the dumbass plagiarist, and I am assuming that's just because he hates blogs, which is annoying because we work fucking hard, and it's weird to imagine fetishists emailing Dear Abby, but she gets points for giving them exactly the sort of response the average incest orgy rape fetishist wants to hear!"

March 26 (10:29 am): "I bet he is one of those queens who is so sweet and fawning to your face and catty behind your back."

March 26 (10:04 pm): "Aaaack! Fuck fan [sic] savage! Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld."

In fact, Amazon lists 525,000 books on "style." Brinkley notes that most of these guides are targeted at women over 35. Edward Ash-Milby, a buyer for Barnes & Noble Inc. says, "I do think as our society ages, we'll see more of these books. It's a trend that continues to grow." So even though they've been at it longer than youngsters, middle-aged people don't know how to dress? Bullshit! But more importantly: Why is everyone a damn "expert" these days? Why does everyone think they have great advice? How can a woman whose job it is to walk FALL on a runway and still be considered the go-to authority on walking? And even though all of this "advice" seems pointless, why are lots of women buying it?

How to Walk Like a Model, Does This Book Make Me Look Chic? [Wall Street Journal]

Maybe it's natural to assume that a guy helpless enough to come to you for advice on what to do about his younger brother raping his wife would be foolish enough to believe anything of his manipulative wench of a wife. Maybe you think this sounds like a pretty good way for a woman to confess a spontaneous dalliance without really confessing it. But to jump to one of those scenarios is not only misogynist, it's FUCKING CLUELESS. Let me tell you a little story about a friend of my mom who is pregnant with her fourth child. Guess how she got pregnant? She woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband fucking her. She didn't know who it was, at first. You know how sleep can be weird that way? People walk in their sleep, initiate sex in their sleep, eat in their sleep, dream they are doing it with Barack Obama in their sleep.

But you know what they don't do in their sleep? Get up out of bed, go downstairs, and start fucking their brother's unconscious wives. No, that takes some hardcore wide-awake premeditation, and while I hate saying this, it's a kind of premeditation that is all too common in modern dudes. Read our site sometimes, you'll see. I'm not sure what it's all about: porn, evil, testosterone, evolutionary biology, alcohol, or just a "culture of impunity" — but I'm pretty sure the last part is the biggest offender. And if telling 110 million readers a woman who says she was raped in her sleep is probably lying isn't fostering that sort of culture, I don't know what is.

Husband Remains In The Dark About Wife's Nighttime Visitor [Yahoo News]
I'm Not A Rapist, I Just Pose As One [Feministing]

Earlier: Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Shallow Millionaire Matchmaker

Dear E. Jean: I made the mistake of my life, and I want it fixed! I'm 27, and after six months of being showered with attention, sexy messages, and dinners, during which I was constantly told how beautiful I was, I gave in and slept with my boss (a 50-year-old charmer who all the girls in the company are absolutely crazy about, and he chose me!). But since then, he's been avoiding me. It's very uncomfortable. I love my job and I want to stay, but I feel like a fool! Should I tell him that his attitude hurts me?—Totally Lost It

Oh, he chose you, huh? And did you choose his leathery-ass skin? Did you choose all the barf-inducing moments during which he reminded you of your dad? What I don't get is that you're 27. You're young enough to realize that any man twice your age is sleeping with you not because he "chose" you but because he is on some level gross. And yet, you are old enough that if you were going to learn the "never sleep with your charming lech of a boss" lesson the hard way, you should have fucking done it already. How did you think this was going to play out? Like it does with all those other fiftysomething bosses and twentysomething assistants you see in the New York Times wedding announcements every Sunday? Anyway, he's avoiding you now because he's scared you're going to sue him for sexual harassment. I know you say you haven't told him so yet, but somehow he got the message that his attitude "hurt" you, and he's staying the fuck away. He probably thought you were one of those girls who knows the "rules" of this shit. I mean, I can't tell you I know the rules because for all intents and purposes the rules are to not have sex with boss/mentor dudes who are twice your age because they will invariably want to and that is really the only advantage women ever have in the workforce. So go, quit your job, find a new endearingly lecherous boss to "choose" you, and pretend you don't notice until you get a few more promotions.

Living Large
Dear E. Jean: I used to be pretty. I'm also single, 29, a physician, and haven't dated in five years. I suspect I know the problem: I'm overweight. I work out a ton, watch what I eat, and have been trying to lose 40 pounds for six years, but to no avail. Will I ever be cute again? Is it a mistake to hope? I'm terribly lonely because I've recently moved to a fabulous new city and don't know anyone. Should I try online dating? Or do I put everything on hold, finally lose the weight, and make a new start?—Pre-Fab

Stop working out. Seriously, why spend valuable time sitting there on an elliptical trying not to stare at your fatfat fat muffin top/upper arms/belly/whatevs whilst miserably assigning yourself a ranking somewhere near dead bottom of all the human cargo of the machines arranged around you, evaluating yourself for hours a week on the sole basis of the muscle tone of your exposed flesh — amongst people who probably think that is a decent way to evaluate people, no less! — when the whole time-eating process only ever results in making you hungrier faster? Ugh, fuck exercise. If you must do it, take walks outside. Listen to the news. Learn the quirks of your new city. Stop in a bar. Sit next to someone. Have bad sex. At some point it will get less bad.

Fate
Dear E. Jean: What happens when you can't get rid of your mistake? Long story short: I broke up with pseudo-boyfriend two years ago; we're both dating other people now, and we're both happy; but he keeps crossing my mind...and now, my path. Of all the people in New York, he's the one I always see. He's everywhere! We run into each other on the street, at cafés, at bars. Why?!? Is this some sort of wacko sign? I hope not!—Afraid to Leave the House

Too stupid to answer.

Tort Reform
Dear E. Jean: I'm a 22-year-old law student who's ended three serious relationships in the past two years, made numerous colossal blunders, and let a number of opportunities pass by.

The event that spurred me to write to you? My ex-fiancé is now engaged within six months of our splitting. The relationship wasn't healthy and I don't want him back, but it still burns. For some insane reason, it's made me wonder about a lot of my choices. I feel like I should have done everything by now. I'm walking around clubbing myself to death, and I don't know how to stop. I feel worthless. When I look at the past, even my successes look like failures. What's going on with me? How do I end this?—Inadequate, Desperate, and Lost

Yeah, I am not going to even try and give a shit about a 22-year-old.

A Tail of Woe
Dear E. Jean: I just signed a lease for a very chic apartment with perfect white carpets. My best friend is thrilled for me, and that's the dilemma. She goes everywhere with her totally horrible dog. I love my friend—and I adore dogs—but her little beast poops on couches, carpets, and beds everywhere he goes. And she thinks it's funny! In the past, I've allowed the animal in my home, risking tension headaches lest the little pest makes "mistakes" (and he usually does!). But, E. Jean, if this dog leaves a mess on my new floor, it will be the end of our friendship. How can I tell her that her incontinent darling is not welcome?—Going to the Dogs

Ooooooh, what to say to the girl who becomes BFF with someone so hysterically devoid of basic human consideration that she allows her tiny dog to defecate all over other people's belongings — and yet feels she must end the friendship once threatened with the possibility that her own uberchic white carpeting might become the repository for the same crap?

Ummmmm, three words: MySpace suicide clubs. I hear they're hot right now!

The Better Man
Dear E. Jean: I broke off a relationship eight months ago with a man with whom I shared many common interests and hot sexual chemistry; but our goals and values differed wildly. I've now met a man who's everything my ex is not—supportive, loving, thoughtful, sensitive, financially stable, and emotionally mature.

But though he seems to feel we're perfect for each other, our interests are very different, and I just don't have the hots for him. I long for the adventurous lifestyle and passion I had with my ex. Am I making a mistake? Am I wrong to focus so much on the differences with this new man? Will my feelings develop into something deeper?—Confused and Sleepless

Dear confused,
Have you ever told a dude, real casual-like, about the time you were date raped, only to watch his eyes go all big and horrified and you poor thing I honestly can't believe a man could be so coarse and cruel as to do that to anyone, much less you, because you are so wonderful and soooooo undeserving of such horror.... See, I always wonder about this. On one hand, it's a nice feeling. That guy probably won't cheat on you. That guy has a moral compass! On the other hand, does he have friends? Has he ever seen a movie? Does he have eyes? For centuries the advice industry has been hung up on perpetuating this bad boy/good guy partisan structure, mainly because a lot of girls simply fall for guys who treat them badly because, you know, they treat them badly. (What's wrong with them? If they can reform them they can feel superior to every inferior woman who was screwed over before!) But, you know, guess what! Human nature=nuanced! I say this a lot, but still. Anyway, I am not quite sure where I was going with this, but...

Oh yes, you. You broke up with a dude, EIGHT MONTHS ago. Why are you dating again? You are not over the dude with whom you allegedly shared so many "common interests", an "adventurous lifestyle" and "hot sexual chemistry" — or else i might have occurred to you that he is probably still pursuing those interests, and that lifestyle, and that chemistry. While you are pursuing a husband! Why? When you date someone who exposes you to new shit — books, ideas, travel, pastimes — the whole point of being single again is piecing together whatever it was you actually liked. Were you really into Zizek? Could you somehow reclaim for yourself that P.J. Harvey song you really loved? Because you should do all this and probably spend like six weeks crying about how worthless and empty and robbed of your identity you are. The dude will understand. He's "emotionally mature"!

The guy I'm seeing is incredibly well-endowed. I'm really nervous about sleeping with him; I'm afraid it will hurt. Should I say something about my fears?

Um, my first inclination is that if you tell this dude you are afraid of his dick you are going to be reenacting that scenario "Ohhhh I'm so scared your massive portion of manmeat is gonna hurty wurty my tight little child-gina" six months from now. But wait a second, how big is it that you have seen it, and yet have not put it inside you? My guess is if you have gotten naked with him and haven't, you know, done anything with his "member" and he hasn't acted like this was, like, weird at all, he knows what you're thinking and will be gentle. So drinking-game those nerves away and get fucking. Keep lube at the ready, but if you need it to get started, you're just not that into him. Which is just the thing: you're wasting time by worrying about this problem now. Down the road, if he's as big as you say, you'll have to deal with the fact that you both hate using condoms and that to blow him defies the Geneva Convention. So you'd better make some happy amorous memories while the relationship is still young and wet.

Why Did He Give Me His Business Card?

I met this boy at a party, and he seemed to be into me. He asked if he could give me his number and handed me his business card! What's up with that?

Why Does He Claim Not To Remember Our One Night Together?

A few weeks ago, I got really drunk with my best male friend. He confessed that he was attracted to me, and we ended up having sex. Now he is claiming that he was wasted and doesn't remember what he said, and he's been avoiding me. I just want things to go back to normal. What do you think I should do?

Ugh, I hate this. For one thing, he is lying, because when a person truly doesn't remember what happened when he was drunk and fucked his "best friend", he doesn't go and avoid the best friend because he doesn't know there is any reason to avoid her. Of course, that's another good reason God invented the "I don't remember anything I was drunk" excuse; so that people can go about their relationships like normal without having to submit to romantic comedy-perpetuated cultural mores such as "Sleeping with a good friend while drunk probably means there are unresolved feelings of True Love between me and good friend that would be scary to confront." But lying to you about not remembering and avoiding you simultaneously means the worst thing: he expects that you have succumbed to said romantic comedy cultural norms and that you, against all rational logic, feel there must be unresolved feelings of True Love between yourself and Mr. "I Can't Remember Why I'm Avoiding You." What a little jerk. Why are you friends with him anyway? Nevermind. Pretend you don't remember.

Should I Join Him In Playing Video Games? He Likes Them More Than He Likes Me...

My boyfriend just bought a PSP. Now it seems like he's dating his video games instead of me! Should I try to join in on his new hobby or tell him how I'm feeling?

1.) It Feels Better Without a Condom
You know, people really get on their high horse when it comes to using condoms. Here's the thing: You know those PSAs or HBO Families in Crisis movies about the importance of safe sex? And there's always a guy who's like slimy and tries to sweet-talk his girlfriend into having sex without a condom because "it feels better." Well, he's right. It totally does feel better. I know, know! Condoms are important for many reasons and you should wear them. But for me, it feels way more natural