[Beverly Hills, June 18. Image via Flynet]

The Apropos: Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon is the only one who's dressed remotely as we'd imagine one should for a "victory party." Wouldn't the dress code be "festive?"


Be Prepared: Lisa Rinna at least brings a little color, even if one suspects this is what she could have walked off the street in; I don't imagine her dressing down. But maybe that's unfair.


The Somber: Kaley Cuoco looks ready for a (chic! Maybe Rachel Zoe-styled) funeral.


Wall Street: Erika Christensen is interview-ready! I mean, I know players have to suit up when they're repping the team, and obviously some coaches choose to go all Pat Reilly. But neither of these things explains this. Not that she doesn't look sharp!


Water Baby: I'll just say what nobody else is thinking: Audrina's dress looks like the world's dowdiest, most ill-fitting bathing suit. Never a good thing in a dress. Even if only one crazy person thinks it.


What Say You about Nicky Hilton's exercise in relative restraint?


Golden Girl: Actually? I think Kathy Hilton should just embrace full-on Blanche Devereaux! I'd like to see a bedazzled two-piece ensemble of some description next week, please.


Images via Getty

• Susan Boyle was "comforted" by psychiatrists before the Britian's Got Talent finale. Then she lost. [Daily Mail]
• Paramedics and police were called to help a "spaced-out" Susan Boyle through a hotel lobby early Sunday. [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Now? Susan Boyle is in a mental hospital:

She had an "emotional breakdown." Sources say she is suffering from exhaustion: "She was very tired and hasn't been sleeping." Can I just say that I know someone who was on America's Got Talent and for 99% of the time that you're involved, the producers fuck with your head? They tell you you're amazing, and to "do what you do best," and if the judges don't like it, you're supposed to tell them off. There's no doubt that being on the show is a mindfuck. [The Sun, BBC News]

• Judge Piers Morgan says of Susan Boyle: I spoke to her yesterday for about half an hour and she's fine. She's gone in for some rest. She needs to get away from everyone – get away from the show, from the media, the public, and just have a bit of down time to herself." [People]
• "Susan Boyle set for £6million fortune with hit album and blitz on America." [Mirror]
• Bruno (aka Sacha Baron Cohen) — wearing angel wings and a butt-exposing jockstrap — flew in to the MTV Movie Awards over the audience, on a wire — but a "mishap" cause him to get stuck and lowered over the crowd, with his ass right in Eminem's face. (Video here.) Eminem was pissed and stormed out — but was he in on the joke? [AP, People]
• Eminem reportedly said, "Get this motherfucker off me." [NY Daily News]
• Kate Hudson and Madonna were both at Veuve Clicquot's Manhattan Polo Classic on Governors Island Saturday afternoon, and there was no clawing scratching catfight now that Kate is dating A-Rod, because her Madgesty doesn't give a shit. [Gatecrasher]
• If you missed the angsty, muscular, fuzzy, werewolfy New Moon trailer, see it here. [NY Daily News]
• Are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt regretting their decision to join the cast of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here? Apparently the couple threatened to quit the show and Heidi bitched, "I wish they got some real celebrities like K-Fed." [RyanSeacrest.com]
• Here are some "leaked" pictures (possibly from a cellphone) of Rihanna and Chris Brown kissing and cuddling, from happier days. [The Sun]
• "Chris Brown Predicts Next Album Will Be His Biggest." [People]
• Although she never confirmed that she is pregnant, Jennifer Hudson had a baby shower in Chicago. [UPI, Chicago Tribune]
• If you ever wanted to lick Daniel Craig's abs, here is your chance: An ice cream company created a purple "licence to chill" popsicle crafted to look like 007 in Casino Royale. As you'll see in the picture, things get real weird below the waist… dude's hands and hips are fused together. [Telegraph]
• Thank Zeus: The rumor that TLC will send the kids to a Swiss boarding school and just have a show called Jon & Kate Unleashed is totally false. [TMZ]
• This weekend, Jon Gosselin was in New York, shopping; Kate Gosselin and the kids (and the bodyguard) were in Bald Head Island, N.C. Separate lives. [MSNBC Scoop]
• The eldest daughter of Billy Bob Thornton has been charged with child neglect; a one-year-old she was babysitting died in October. She and Billy Bob are estranged, but he calls the situation "an unimaginable tragedy." [TMZ]
• Seen having an intimate dinner: Drew Barrymore and Adrien Grenier. Hmm, his eco-mindedness and her flower-child persona could be perfect together! [Perez]
• Stephanie Pratt told Sandra Bullock she was her grandfather's favorite actress. Unsult! Stephanie also said: "Oh, he's dead now, but the two films of yours he used to watch over and over were Miss Congeniality and Pretty Woman." Sandy replied: "Well, if I were actually in 'Pretty Woman' I'd be very flattered." [LA Times]
• Victoria Beckham is freaked out by the earthquakes in L.A. — she and her family are having lessons in a tremor simulator, to learn what to do. Scream and head for a doorframe? [Daily Mail]
• That oh-so-lovely painting of Madonna and Guy Ritchie by artist Peter Howson failed to sell at auction yesterday. Wonder why? [Daily Express]
• Amy Winehouse may have canceled her UK comeback gig, but she is still working on her third album; and this is a picture of Amy strolling the beach and playing guitar, which proves that somehow. [Daily Mail]
• Simon Cowell has spent all week with his "glamorous" ex-girlfriend, Jackie St. Claire. That is a steamy romance novel name, you gotta admit. [Daily Mail]
• At next week's Venice Biennale, Yoko Ono, called here "the world's most famous rock widow" will receive the Golden Lion award for a lifetime's achievement in the visual arts. [Financial Times]
• Donald Trump has changed Miss California USA Carrie Prejean's contract, throwing out the clauses which forbid her from making unauthorized appearances and penning a tell-all book. Her lawyer, who helped work the deal, is also the lawyer for NOM. Naturally. [Perez]
• Some 500 actors, including George Clooney and Tom Hanks, urged members of SAG — the largest U.S. actors union — to vote "yes" on a new contract with Hollywood's major studios on Friday. [Reuters]
• Paul McCartney will be the first musician to perform at Citi Field, the new home of the New York Mets, on July 17. [UPI]
• Catherine Zeta-Jones was paid £1.55m in salary and expenses to appear in a shampoo commercial which will be broadcast in China and Japan; that comes to about at £3,691 for every second she appears on screen. Her hair is super shiny, I must say. [Times of London]
• Katie "Jordan" Price has agreed to give estranged husband Peter Andre a "quickie" divorce. [Daily Mail]
• Will Princess Eugenie join a British reality show based on The Hills? [Daily Mail]
• John Travolta is "struggling" five months after the death of his son, and can't promote his new film, The Taking of Pelham 123. Costar Denzel Washington says: "One moment he's OK and the next he's in tears." [CNN]
• Halle Berry is in talks to star in The Surrogate, a film about a a couple desperate to have a child — and then find out the surrogate they hired to carry their baby is insane. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Lisa Ling has written a statement, pleading for the release of her sister, Laura Ling, as well as journalist Euna Lee, who were arrested in North Korea. It reads, in part: "It has been nearly three months since their arrest… We have been holding our breath… Laura and Euna are journalists who were simply doing their job. They have been charged with 'illegal entry,' and 'hostility to the Korean nation.' We aren't certain of the details of what happened on March 17, but we can say with absolute certainty that when the girls left U.S. soil, they never intended to set foot onto North Korean territory. If at any point a transgression occurred, we sincerely apologize on their behalf." [People]
• Did you know that Spike TV has "Guys Choice" Awards? Well, they do. And Mickey Rourke was named Guy Of The Year on Saturday. Clint Eastwood was given a Brass Balls award. [UPI]
• Constantine Maroulis, who got a Tony nomination for his role in the Broadway show Rock Of Ages, says, "Oh, I'll never win. I'm pretty sure it will go to the guys from Billy Elliot." He also says he would love to do Shakespeare: "I'd cut off my hair tomorrow." [NY Times]
• Haha: Harry Connick Jr. got his tarot cards read by a fortune teller and asked if he "could double down" if the news was good. [Page Six]
• Here's a profile on Tom Barrack, a financier who made billions buying and selling distressed properties — his latest investment is Michael Jackson. [LA Times]
• Lori Petty, aka Tank Girl: Arrested! The charges are felony DUI and allegedly hitting a skateboarder with her car… [TMZ]
• Tonight's the night! Conan O'Brien hosts The Tonight Show. "It's a venerated, beloved NBC franchise," O'Brien says. "That doesn't mean I can't do silly things in that space, but the space itself should be beautiful." [UPI]
• Andy Richter is excited to be back on TV with Conan O'Brien: "I'm not gonna lie to you. A steady paycheck is a very rare thing in show business generally. And specifically right now a very rare thing. That in itself is the sublime revelation. To get that stress lifted, man, life is really nice." [LA Times]
• Sophie Dahl has a book about food and says: "I'm naturally very greedy. I go to bed wondering what to have for breakfast." [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue and her model man, Andres Velencoso, are about to buy a beachside Villa in Spain. [Daily Express]
• Natasha Richardson left most of her assets to husband Liam Neeson, but also set aside money for her half-sister, a costume designer and and employee in London. [TMZ]
• Scott Weiland's estranged wife, Mary Forsberg, will publish her memoir, Fall To Pieces, in October. As you may know, Weiland was arrested on battery charges while with Forsberg, a former model. Her book is described as a ""visceral, rollercoaster ride inside bipolar disorder, rock 'n' roll, celebrity culture, and the competitive world of modeling from a rock star wife and recovering drug addict." [Daily Express]
• Tom Sizemore will be on the third season of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew — but so is his ex-girlfriend, Heidi Fleiss. He was convicted of assaulting her back in 2003. Now they have to share space and airtime. [TMZ]
• Pete Doherty says The Libertines will reunite next year. Just when people have ceased to care! [The Sun]
• "Rock legend Jimi Hendrix was murdered by his manager as part of an insurance scam, a new book by one of his former aides claims." [Daily Mail]
• Words you maybe thought you'd never read: Phil Spector blogging from prison. Just so you know: The authorities took his wig, and he's befriended a cockroach – "I'm naming him Wilson" – and is playing air chess with him. Raise your hand if you think this is fake. [ONTD via Daily Express]
• Blind item! "Which sexy rapper was rolling on Ecstasy during a recent VIP event?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Most of the time I think, deep down, I'm three different people. You have to jump from place to place – go along with the situation. It's different, wherever you are. You gotta roll with it." — Prince Harry. [Mirror]
• "If it happened now, Bill would go to jail."— Mandy Smith on the Rolling Stone (Bill Wyman) who seduced her at the age of 13. She married him in1989, when she was 19 and he was 53. [Daily Mail]
• "He's a good influence. He doesn't drink or do drugs or anything like that. And I have a girlfriend so it's not like I hit on girls with him. He's the best, a very sweet professional and incredibly smart." — Jonah Hill on Russell Brand. [Mirror]
• "I feel sexier now than I did then: it's what's in my head that's sexier. If I could go back and be in my 25-year-old body with my head, boy, would I be dangerous… I've read books like The Beauty Myth. I guess I see it very differently. I don't use beauty products or dye my hair to please anyone else; I don't do it to capture a man, I do it because it's something I enjoy. I think it's innate, something you're born with. Femininity is an amazing quality and with it comes wanting to dress beautifully – as a little girl, it's in your nature. I watched my daughters do it – you don't teach them." — Andie MacDowell. [Daily Mail]
• "We should stop cutting music programmes in schools. It's vitally important that our kids are exposed to music: give them the opportunity to play instruments. It's still a mystery to me, the whole idea of how you write songs, and I've been doing it all my life." — Sting. [BBC News]
• "I'm not one of those people that can suddenly start running and hire a Pilates trainer, it's just not my thing. Walks helped clear my head. I was weighing myself once a week, just trying not to be obsessive about it. I just wanted to feel better; I wanted to feel healthy… It was never about that Hollywood pressure to lose weight, I laugh at that. It was always just an issue of health. Some people have been calling it a comeback, I actually call it a resurfacing." — Nia Vardalos, who slimmed down after blood sugar issues. [People]
• Q:Do you have any advice for aspiring stars? A: "I do. No. 1, stay clean and sober. Say no to drugs and alcohol, especially if you're under 18. No. 2, make sure you have a credible agent [or adult] with you at all times when you go into photography studios. No. 3, when you start out shooting your portfolio, don't let photographers rip you off or steal your money. You only need 10 good pictures. No. 4, make sure your agent is credible." — Janice Dickinson, who has a soon-to-be-released pop song called "Crazy." [Star Tribune]
• "People sometimes think I'm on drugs when I'm not. It's because I am actively in my creative headspace. I operate in a different way to other artists." — Lady GaGa, who is newly single. [News Of The World]
• "They think this is a game show. It isn't. It's arduous. It's fighting hunger. Since I haven't eaten in 32 years, it won't affect me. After I have sex with Sanjaya, he'll come out of the closet and run out of the jungle." — Janice Dickinson, on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. [Page Six]

[Hollywood, December 9. Image via INF]

[Malibu, August 26. Image via X17.]

*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories

Kate Hudson in Big Eyes: Hudson plays Margaret Keane, the artist that did all those creepy paintings of women with giant peepers. According to Variety: "The drama covers Keane's personal awakening at the onset of the feminist movement, leading to a lawsuit she filed against her husband, Walter, who claimed credit for her works." Verdict: initially a victim, she eventually triumphs over adversity. Sounds like this one is: ok!

Brittany Murphy in Across the Hall and possibly Poor Things: Across the Hall seems to be based on a short horror film of the same name starring Adrien Grenier, which focuses on a man, his fiancée (Murphy's character) and the man's best friend. Murphy's betrothed claims she's having an affair and brings his bff to come spy on her at a seedy motel. Unclear what happens next (it would likely be a spoiler) but with this limited information it seems like Murphy plays the victim. I imagine that motel room will be caked with her brains at some point before the end of the full length film. Poor Things was originally a Lohan vehicle, but Linds had to pull out because of that whole rehab thingy. Murphy is being considered for the Lohan role — as a female con artist who befriends homeless men and then murders them so the she and her partner can collect the insurance money. The character sounds morally crappy, but is neither hooker, nor victim, nor doormat. Verdict: ok!

Robin Wright Penn, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Monica Bellucci, Winona Ryder, Julianne Moore, all in Pippa Lee: Penn plays a 50-something woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown because her husband leaves her for a young chippy — played by Winona Ryder. Bellucci plays the first wife, Gyllenhaal plays Penn's pill-addled mother in flashbacks, and Julianne Moore plays a lesbian novelist (not really sure how she fits into the plot, but I like the sound of it). Verdict: Robin Wright-Penn — victim/doormat; Winona Ryder — hooker; Monica Bellucci — not enough info to go on, so we're gonna say ok; Maggie Gyllenhaal: victim of own neurosis/pill popping; Moore: ok!

Heather Locklear in Flirting With 40: In this holiday-themed Lifetime made-for-tv movie, Locklear plays a 40-year-old divorcee who meets a much younger man on vacation, and, according to Reuters, "learns that life can begin at 40." Apparently Lifetime execs learned that they can lift an entire plot from How Stella Got Her Groove Back with no apparent repercussions! Though it must be said that Heather Locklear is no Angela Bassett, not by a mile. Verdict: ugh, total victim! If she thought her life was over at 40 she's a damn fool.

WGA Announces Member Meetings For Saturday [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Kate Hudson To Star In 'Big Eyes' [Variety]
Murphy Enters "Hall"; Eyed For Lohan Role In "Poor" [Reuters]
Four More Booked For 'Pippa Lee' [Hollywood Reporter]
Locklear "Flirting" With Lifetime [Reuters]

• Celebrity stylist and stylist-cum-celebrity Rachel Zoe is rumored to forbid designers who loan her pieces from loaning them out to competing clients, but Zoe denies so we're gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. [NYP]
  
• "I have high anxiety from having two teenagers who tell me I have no taste. I love them, and even though they insult me, and make fun of me, it is what it is," says Vera Wang. Um, who taught your daughters to talk to their mother that way? [WWD, 4th item]
  
• Dean and Dan Caten, the twin bros who design DSquared, are going to be exclusively styling the America's Next Top Model contestants for cycle 10. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• George Clooney and Julia Roberts will be joining Anna Wintour in chairing the Costume Institute at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual gala this year. Oh, so that's why George looks like he's lost so much weight lately? He's Anna-rexing? [Vogue UK]

• Designer Dries van Noten in this month's Details magazine: "David Beckham - he's trying very hard. I'm not so fond of his look, but I think a lot of people consider it extremely stylish. So who am I to say it's unstylish? I'm not a dictator." Aw! [Sassybella]
• Consider this a Jezebel PSA: "There is no such thing as an organic pair of jeans. It's not just about the fabric. It's what happens after you wash it," Mel Matsui, founder of denim line Christopher Blue. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Status property ventures are the new status meals are the new status bags? Giorgio Armani unveiled the residences bearing his name in Dubai yesterday, just after revealing his plans for an Armani hotel and resort in Marrakech. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Fashion Week in Moscow vs. Russian Fashion Week: We'll err on the side of Putin! [WWD, sub req'd]
• Kate Moss to make cameo appearance in British soap opera EastEnders! Report back to us, British Jezzies! [Vogue UK]
• Hans Stern, who created the jewelry line H.Stern, died Friday in Brazil at age 85. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Whoah: Control top thong. [FabSugar]