But um D is still definitely the cutest.

Apparently I'm not a real woman. But I reckon that everyone has their own ideas about what makes a cute face.

Fuck off, pseudo-science!

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Except (one presumes) for the baby about to be born to my non-white cousin and his non-white wife -- which leads to the question:

Only white babies are cute? I'm guessing that their skin color is "nude," too.

(I know, I know, it was a research thingie and no one's saying that non-white babies aren't cute, blah fucking blah. But when I thought about the babies in my family and was suddenly reminded of my cousin's baby-to-be, I struck by the absence of BOC. And I'll tell you what: That baby is going to be HELLA cute).

Also: All babies are beautiful.

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After a brief foray into brunette-dom in seventh form, a girl in my dorm attempted to help me restore my locks to their previous, natural blonde glory. Emphasis on 'attempted'. The end result was that my hair ended up brittle, with varying shades (or highlights, if you will!) of orange, yellow, and white. Although traumatised, I returned the first day of school with my hair tucked into a bun to hide the worst parts. I lasted only a period before our sadistic deputy principal pulled me aside between classes to tell me that my hair colour was unacceptable, and that it had to change a.s.a.p.

Given that my hair's colour wasn't technically natural, I wouldn't have minded the rebuke so much, if not for all the other schoolgirls with the brunette-gone-orange and ginger-gone-black manes passing us by as she was telling me off.

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I drank the rest of my fifth of cheap vodka to wash the taste out of my mouth and gave the entire mess to my dog, who would eat her own crap but wouldn't eat that.

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